6
shbclm
1y

Fucking hormones.
I don't know suddenly I have feelings for a colleague. She is a trainee and she sits opposite of me. Now i can't concentrate properly. She has a friend/lover (i don't know, didn't talk to her/him before more than a hi, what's your name). They sit there and talk all day long it's kinda irritating and i am having anxiety when they talk.
There are 5 trainees in total and they r learning framework currently. The problem is, i will get one person to train on specific project. A part of me hopes she would be the one but i know its going to be a disaster.
Now i am depressed and having anxiety.

Comments
  • 5
    Take a step back, be cool.

    Rationalize where that feeling of yours really comes from. Take time to reflect. Whatever happens, don't make things awkward and put her in an uncomfortable position.
  • 2
    What @NeatNerdPrime said.

    Pump those brakes and evaluate what it is you're feeling. What you just described sounds to me like infatuation. Emotional attachments take time to build as any relationship does.

    Think of emotional relationships logically. Would you trust an AI model that was built up over a couple days or weeks over a model that has been running for months or years? I know my answer.
  • 2
    Get rid of ur feelings and move on from her as quickly as possible
  • 0
    How are they talking all day on work. Aren't they supposed to work?

    Okay, what can happen? a) You get assigned. No problem, easyest way to get to know her and see of you really like her. Your Feelings will fade eventually if it turn out she is rude or stupid. If not, you are in good a position to befriend her (what is the best way to go, since she is taken).
    b) You get assigned to another person. In this case, you can relax at least because you are not forced to get in contract to her. Relax and observe and look out for another good opportunity to come to get to know her.

    Also do your homework and fap a lot so the pressure won't dictate your action.
  • 1
    @phat-lasagna come on you are supposed to be the good guy!
  • 0
    @sariel A really good point as they come quite often from you!
  • 0
    @horus lol I have experienced it before so this is my advice
  • -1
    @phat-lasagna MGTOW? 😎
  • 7
    How do you get feelings to a person that you didn't really talk to/don't really know?

    You are probably just physically attracted to her. That's not a big deal. Push it to the back of your mind, and focus on being professional.

    Being a straight woman in a male-dominated profession, if I lost my head every time I saw a cute guy, I wouldn't be able to write one line of code.

    Controlling your attraction is something you're supposed to master once you're no longer a teenager.
  • 6
    Never ever date at work. Never.
  • 1
    @NickyBones You forgot a basic rule. Never take dating advice from women. It's like asking a fish how to fish.

    @shbclm Ask fishermans.
  • 6
    @Lexter It's not a dating advice. It's an advice on how to behave professionally in the workplace, which I am perfectly qualified to give.

    And you might want to listen to a woman about this, because the HR are also women and they would love to light your ass on fire with a sexual misconduct complaint. I'm the boss fisherman on this, mate.
  • 3
    @Lexter She is not "Some lady". She is a trainee. So he needs to be extra careful here, because the difference in seniority can play against him, and they can paint a picture that he was using his authority over her to coerce her.

    It would be he who is burned, not the HR.

    If you can't control your actions in the workplace, because you have "feelings", maybe you need a few more years in elementary school.
  • 0
    @NickyBones OMG, elementary school teaching us how to controll our feelings. OK. Whatever.

    Yes, he will be probably fucked if he shows the slightest hint of emotion and his boss is like you.
  • 0
    @Lexter You will also be fucked if you have a boss like me. You better pray we never meet.
  • 0
    I told my friends about it didn't say who the person is. Their advice was be patient get to know her and if you're ok tell her.
    I hope it will just pass. And i have clear idea what it is.
    I am not gonna act on it. I love being a developer and i don't want to jeopardise it.
  • 0
    @NickyBones Do not worry. We never will.
  • 3
    @Lexter nah, also who hurt u dude?
  • 1
    @phat-lasagna Do i look hurt? I just don't like bossy bitches.
  • 1
    @Lexter no need to be Insultent about it. That way nobody is going to listen to what you have to say.
    If you insist on talking like that, well there is /pol/ for you.
  • 0
    @Lexter The times where you used to date up in the workspace are over. Uni is also dead. As a good man, you're not supposed to date at all anymore.

    Women are supposed to hook up with thugs, then become single moms and complain where all the good men have gone.

    Welcome to modern society. :)
  • 0
    Young blood and naive. Prepare for the worst mate.
  • 0
    @horus the last sentence got me lol. Masturbate a lot.
  • 0
    Thought experiments timeeeee!

    Imagine the world where you have the superpower to make a relationship with anyone. Anyone whatsoever. In it, you will be loved, you will have sex, and it will never degrade/break apart. It will be a happy relationship for the rest of your life. BUT you only have one shot, so you have to think thoroughly.

    Would you choose her? Or would you go to someone else whom you really love?
  • 1
    Also, what @NickyBones said. I can have feelings too, but to me, workplace ethics are of utmost priority. Your work is not a place to make love. If I do this kind of stuff at work, I failed myself and my principles. And if I commit unethical things like this, I'm no better than zuck or bezos with their surveillance, exploitation of the weak and union busting. I don't want to be like this. If I have feelings to a colleague, no one will know. No one. It's okay to have feelings, we don't have control over how we feel, but it is not okay to express them. You must act professionally.

    The only circumstance I can think of when it's appropriate to express feelings to a colleague is when they're no longer your colleague, e.g. when you BOTH leave and end up in different companies. Not just when they leave. And it's still fishy at best.
  • 2
    @Fast-Nop My PhD is too draining to fight you on this, on a Saturday :)

    We're all thugs and criminals in the eyes of the German government because we use torrents :P
  • 0
    @Nanos you seem so bitter you should really get help or change sth on your life or I fear you becoming the next avatar of kaine.
  • 0
    @Nanos i am in India. I don't think here it's like in west. We have a married developers and love birds in our company.
  • 0
    I met my wife at the university (we were both working there) and went together to work for the same Austrian company afterwards (different departments). There were multiple couples as well as ‚company babies‘. It‘s the same in the German company I‘m working at now.
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