I: Sure i can code this event calendar. We have two options. Adjust design and use plugin like fullcalendar. I can adjust the look pretty fast and cheap. Second option is code this from scratch. It will look and act exactly the same as design but will be bit expensive. You know, whole javascript, CSS, HTML and so. Basicaly like entire new calendar plugin or so.

He: Client already saw the design and we do not have high budget.

I: Ok, no problem, let's use fullcalendar.

He: Designer promised to him to be exactly like design.

I: Without asking developer for solution in available price range and time frame?

He: Hm...

I: Good luck.

---

It's just funny.

There are many issues with designers. Let's skip hamburger fuckups, navigations on bottom or other stuff. What pisses me of most are tables. Simple tables. As many times as i remember i told them: plaease, design this table with full borders around cells. Your design will make problems with rowspans a cellspans. Why you keep doing that? This is not like tables list in your fucking IS, where you tracking your shitty designers tasks.

How to talk with them? Blow their dicks off before discussion so they feel happy?

But you know, i'm just coder... I have no main word on design things.

When another "front-end developer" appends the entire bootstrap CSS file to your templates because it needs to align two elements. To templates that never included any css framework cuz i hate them... Then he asked me for help because it did not work... I fixed an invalid CSS file reference.

FUCK HIS LIFE

Sure, skip this add. Just like you...
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As you wish and i want.

So i wrote complex, great WP framework using parts of nette, latte template engin, shit tons of my code, has many usefull features. Is fast, puting barier between me and WP shit. You have no idea how fast my development is now.

Now, i writing eshop component, looking good, working great, is extendable, fast and so.

Reason 1: WP is piece of shit, woocommerce too, CMB has no fucking sense, fuck ACF and many other WP tools.
Reason 2: I'm too lazy to read.

Question: I spent months of coding, looking for ideas, and make tenths implemenations because:

1: WP is piece of shit, woocommerce too, CMB has no fucking sense, fuck ACF and many other WP tools.
2: I'm too lazy to read.

Please decide, i honestly don't know.

Designer: The web design muset be beautiful, clean and follow modern trends.
Me: Actualy no, design should be just functional part of website. There is no need to be beautiful, clean and has nothing to do with modern graphic trends. Sad truth is almost nobody, besides css galleries, cares.
Designer:

I like my job.. Sure... But there are still some things what can make it more enjoyable.

https://imgur.com/hl6A5xV

Client: Hi Johny, we finnaly finished design of our eshop. Half of year of hard work. Can you code it in week? We have deadline. :(
I: Sure, i can code in speed of light.
Client: How about money?
I: Tripple of sallary.
Client: What?
I: My sallary also grow in speed of light.

Some clients can not understand they can't throw shits on my head. Take it, hire someone else or stop giving mi impossible conditions.

Designers are sometimes too active.

I know, i know, maybe i'm just too old and know shit about readability of code. Seizure coming.

Assumption. Screens are wider and wider, bigger and bigger.
Solution 1: Make more one-page layout sites like there is no space on sides.
Solution 2 support solution 1: Make everything 2-3 times bigger so there can't be space on sides.
Solution 3 support solution 2: If there is some free space, call it neccessary white space.

It's a trend i see around me. Sometimes i don't get it. More than 1 year i have no side menu in designes what i coded.

Working with Facebook api is the equivalent of being at a dentist where a dentist is an ivory poacher.

Designer: Can you hide scrollbar and still make web scrollable?
I: Sure.
Designer: Ok fine, i'll do that in next design.
I: Wait, how users will know the web has more content?
Designer: I'll put the mouse icon on the bottom.
I: It is not good idea. People can overlook it.
Designer: It will be fine.
I: I strongly recommend to you not to do it.
Designer: Why?
I: Confusion besides other reasons.
Designer: If you can do it, do it.
I: Ok than.

$request->getIP() == 'his_ip' ? 'hide-scrollbar';

Oh my got, where i have my puzzle shit to put this web together?

When you need to reactivate your Twitter dev account, get surprised by amount of the shit you need to write and simply refuse it. Fuck this. At least i can focus on more fun tasks than social networks implementations.

Sometimes people ask me why i don't like awwwards. Ok, lets give them another try. I just opened 40 SOTD and every single has some kind of loader from 2secs to 15secs. Than i opened this site: https://pianotriofest.com/. It has no loader! But still, i have no idea how to control it. 95% of them can't work without JS. So many flaws i can't even describe, so little quality. All of them reached 7 or 8 in usability. Awwwards judges are incompetent kids.

Drunken neighbor: Did i piss you?
I: No.
Drunken neighbor: I know i do, but i want a girl. This is my problem.
I: Go find her.
Drunken neighbor: I can't, i'm black.
I: It's not the reason.
Drunken neighbor: It is.
I: Reason si you are dirty, drunken pig.
Drunken neighbor: You are racist!
I: Och, sorry, i forgot. You are dirty, drunken, black pig. One more time you will wake us at 3am i'll call ku klux klan on you so my girlfriend can sleep at night. Now fuck off and let us sleep.

Happy new year.

When designer does not care and when coder do care.

Ehm, ok, i'll code this new event calendar concept, but do you realy think it's cool as you think?
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At least i can take it as a practice and than throw it to the trash as always.

Stop fucking argue with awwwards you shithead. I have no time argue back to your tiny designer brain.

Best present i got this year. Ideal for developer. :P

CSS preprocessors sucks.
CSS frameworks sucks.
Simple truth.

I: You know WordPress suck.
He: No it doesn't!
I: So why i wrote Leximo framework to separate me from the WordPress shit?
He: Because you don't know ho to use it.
I: Google: list of WP frameworks
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Discussion ended. Nobody knows how to use WP i gues. I feel hated. WP community hates me because u wrote another framework, Nette and Latte community hates me because i use them for shit like WordPress.

When your client gave you double sallary if you will work during christmass... Now i feel like a fucking hero when i looking into my girlfriend eyes in free time during christmass. Bit poorer, but who cares.

$('body').append('<noscript>Please enable javascript in your browser to enjoy all web features.</noscript>');

A saw it this morning. Now i can die.

1) No, i don't want subscribe your newsletter.
2) Thanks, i know about cookie law. Thanks again.
3) Don't worry, i don't need your help now.
4) You are very kind, but i don't want new subscription.
5) Sorry, i don't have a time for your survey right now.
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One of that fucking modal windows should contain fucking phone number i fucking need. Web WhoTheFuckingCareVersion.

Not even McDonald have burger menu on desktop version of web. Keep it in your mind.

I: Hi. You are talented. You designed a button bigger than my mom ass, flatter than my girlfriend chest and still almost invisible. What is purpose of this button?
He: Minimalism.
I. One more time...