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Not that much dev-related, but still...

I wish I had a way of decompiling the code of my life, correcting it and then compiling it. I was diagnosed with Depression yesterday and it has turned me absolutely empty. The kind of empty where you feel like you're a void.

I'll survive. I know that much. I also know that it's going to be even harder than it was before.

Just for lighting the mood. This is also my struggle.

Comments
  • 17
    Well... What? It's not the diagnosis that changed you
    You sadly already were like that
    The difference is that now you know how you are (kind of) and with proper help you can get out of that
    It's not going to be easy or fast but... Hold tight and good luck
    Also, -- for !dev related 😌
  • 10
    Unfortunately I know how that feels, I am trying to clean my mind and reorganize some things in my life. I hope that you'll get bettter :)
  • 21
    Do not try to overachieve. Do not lock yourself up in your room hoping somebody will acknowledge your hard work. Turn the computer off and go talk to people. Go make friends, say "yes" to spend time with them. You'll gradually feel better about yourself as this self-imposed burden of having to be coding 24/7 will slowly dissappear and then and only then you'll find happiness.

    Speaking from my experience.
  • 5
    I wish you all the best (I don't have any advise for you, but I'm sure you will get through it)
  • 7
    Life, when viewed in a very dry manner, it's harsh, sad, useless and pointless. If you could decompile life and analyze it logically, it would probably not help.

    I was once at that point. I would love to tell you that now I realize that life is so freaking meaningful, but to be honest, it isn't. I think we often give to much meaning to meaningfulness.

    What got me through was the realization that the bottom of that pit was a bottom, that I had nothing to lose, that the empty feeling was scary but also kind of like a blank canvas. One day you start painting on it again, and maybe it will be pointless or maybe even ugly... but it means you're not feeling empty anymore.

    It's difficult to give advice beyond the standard "sleep/eat well, be social, do new things, etc" stuff.

    Just know that there will be a days again where you will feel "Damn it's so amazing and good to be meaninglessly alive". Life is a super interesting weird and confusing paradox, better live the crap out of it ;)
  • 3
    I've been there man. For me, once I was able to get my emotions under control, I decided that I wouldn't let depression define me. I know it's a part of me, but I don't let it define me.
  • 5
    Don't worry, everything shall pass. It seems like all the big minds of this era suffer from this damn depression. Nothing is easy.
    I advise you some cool motivational videos from : Rafael Eliassen, Brendon Burchard and Tony Robbins.
  • 4
    Here take my ++ everyone for being so supportive and wonderful!

    Also sending a virtual hug to OP
  • 3
    Wishing you the best too.
  • 4
    It's hard, a lot of us understand that
    You gotta fight back tho, at some point in your life, you need to live for you and only you
    Be selfish and never let anyone or anything stand in your way even if it's yourself.
  • 4
    I was diagnosed with depression and nervous disorder. What helped me was identify what triggered those depressive states and avoid them. Another thing is do things that make you happy and fulfilled in my case I started making videogames and now I'm a programmer. You should keep doing the things you love even if in the moment the void is so strong that you don't feel like it. By doing nothing you will feel like a sack of shit. Also if you have friends hang out with them often because depression has this thing that brings only unpleasant memories and having a lot of good ones help fight the bad ones. Hope this helps like it helped me. I been a few months depression free and it's not easy but you will get there.
  • 7
    I've battled depression for the whole of my adult life. It's never easy, but hang on in there - the number of responses to your post show that you're not alone. It's horrible but survivable. But there's no magic formula, sadly.
  • 5
    @teadrinker it's different for each person. Some people get depressed with a lot of work. In my case I get depressed when I'm not being productive. That's why I'm a programmer.
  • 6
    @Zero6033 You're right, it is. And personally, I've found there are different kinds of depression even for me. Sometimes it's caused by circumstances, sometimes it's nothing I can identify.
  • 4
    @teadrinker What I often do when it's nothing I get up, call my friends and get out. A change of scenery is good. Often it works.
  • 23
    Thank you, everyone.

    I might have an idea of what could be causing it, but I don't know for sure. Too many things of a bad nature have happened to me at this point. My family plays a big role.

    I use video games to deal with Depression, too, but my family hates me for even touching one of them. They don't want to allow me to even go to a computer if „I'm not being productive“, in other words, earing money OR doing something that will help in that. So, me doing anything I enjoy without direct benefits to my future == „unproductive“.

    My option is to get knowledge in both Web Interface Development AND 3D Modelling(one for freelacing, the other for the game development company my friends and I want to make). Also, does being a game developer not need a high amount of experience in Gaming for the knowledge of how different systems work, what works, what doesn't, etc? How am I supposed to know what works if I don't know the good and the bad in gaming?
  • 20
    @fun2code Blue Nutterfly#9497.
  • 3
    @BlueNutterfly for game development I think the best ideas come from games you've played, just take things you like and didn't like from the game and try to turn it into your own idea,

    That's what I currently do with the games I make and well I have yet to make a full game but I think it's essentially how it all works.

    Anyways I wish you all the best and if you ever want someone else to test I'll give the game a go, bugs or not any game is still fun if you know the person who made it :D

    Oh let me just add that something like libgdx is quite easy to get started, it's in java but is multiple platform (not sure if you needed this, hopefully it helps) you could start with the rain drop example game and just add on to it to learn some of the basics of game development.
  • 3
    Been there... give it time, dont preassure yourself, one day at a time
  • 3
    @BlueNutterfly

    Don't know your age, but at a certain point it's important to (temporarily) break with family.

    During puberty there's this super strong protective instinct from parents, and while it comes from a good place, it gets in the way of becoming a responsible independent person.

    Gaming can be a dangerous habit, but not any more so than other forms of entertainment.

    Personally, I try to spend about 6h working, 3h learning, 1h exercising, 6h relaxing and 8h sleeping per day... which means I play the responsible adult lead backend dev for the same amount of time as I play Overwatch.

    It's all about finding a good balance between short term indulgence and long term responsibility, but family can't teach you that balance.

    You have experiment with that yourself, make mistakes, own up to the mistakes and improve. And yeah your first business idea might fail, and family wants to protect you from mistakes. But even the battles you lose reward XP...
  • 21
    Right now I'm trying my best and am pretty stable and even slightly happier than usual.

    I just wonder how long that is going to last.
  • 4
    Don't try your best for now. (until you feel ready)
    Just be yourself. ^^
  • 3
    As you can see, you aren't alone. Many of us experience depression. I use game therapy, too. And I always try to find something to be thankful for ... a flower, a bird, a thunderstorm, a child's laugh, a butterfly on the wind...
  • 3
    @BlueNutterfly I had a lot of problems with my family too. I lived at my parents' house until 22 because of financial reasons but it was the worst time of my life. They were extremely disrespectful all the time like walking into my room without knocking, they were fighting and screaming all the time and there were no improvements at all in those years. They hated me for being at the computer all day but eventhough I told them that I'm programming stuff, learning and earning money with it, they never understood...

    so I finally had enough money to move out and my life improved massively! No more screaming and all this bullshit nonsense. I really like it now and I don't go too often to my parents, maybe once every 3-4 weeks. Guess what? They started to missme and call me from time to time...
    But all in all I still have some kind of depression and I try to do things that make me feel good and proud.
  • 19
    @qbasic16 My friends and I are trying our best to start a game development company and while it sounds nice on paper, it's going to be troublesome. We have a „team“ of four as of yet and it's not easy to be starting with that.

    For example, I have to be employed and have a source of income for my parents to be less of a hassle(I'm most likely not gonna be able to afford moving out within the first year of employment), which I'll be doing with web interface development, then I will need to work and simultaneously gather knowledge in 3D modelling, then we might start doing things.

    I have a load of things to learn and I'm feeling exhausted by all of this already, but this is what I know I want to do. The college I go to will have 3 months of internship towards the end of the course, which I hope would help me with getting employed, although most jobs require at least a year of experience.

    I'm taking a huge gamble, but I'd better do it than go on as usual.
  • 21
    @iAmNaN I try that. My weakness, in a way, are cute things. I seriously would love to have the slimes of Slime Rancher in real life. They are sooooooo cute!!! (^-^)

    When I go out and find something I like, I take a photo. It really helps sometimes.

    One day I hope to be everything I want to be and never again to be having to bow to them. They are people who, even though go outside way more often than me, are out of touch with reality.

    The biggest disappoiment hit me when I realised they never cared. I had the threat of a prostitution charge coming from my mother for something as stupid as staying with my boyfriend and other friends that happened to be guys sometime ago. And once I got nearly killed for disagreeing by my own father. But no matter what I do, I cannot afford reporting it anywhere. I still kinda pity them. Maybe it isn't that normal, but I just don't want to cause them pain.
  • 3
    I've depression genetically embedded (3 or more weeks of lazy lifestyle and the depression start and slowly grow if I don't do anything about), and I found a way around that works for me, otherwise, I would be born only to desire death.

    Ps: fuck you mother nature.
  • 2
    Came here again to see what people do to overcome depression, I must admit it's working, I usually overcome depression by long walks and smoking though that would be slowly suiciding so had to find something else and luckily I now barely smoke after a month of working on it, hope I don't go back πŸ˜“
  • 4
    I am 25 now, been in depression since 17. I have seen good days, bad days, days when I thought it couldn't get any worse, and it did. But I couldn't give up.
    I can understand a little of that void. There have been days when I felt so so fuckin low, so hollow, it felt like the only way out was to shove my fist into my chest and crush my heart. So decided to keep myself busy, learn, learn a lot, keep learning. I also have a hobby of photography. So that helps elevate my mood a little. I could never give up, because every time I'm low, I recall my mom's face. I know she needs me. 😊. You too have someone waiting for you, always. Be strong.
  • 16
    @fun2code They're not bad if they make people laugh :P
  • 2
    @bluenutterfly
    Been there. The thing is, a depression is something you can get control over.

    Its a chance to find the stuff and patterns that makes you unhappy and break away from them.

    Its a signal that says, something has to change.

    If I could I would help you in person. (Netherlands)

    Otherwise, go do stuff you enjoy and want to do, not what others want you to do. Learn to love yourself. Learn that the only thing that really matters is your own happiness.
  • 17
    @moortuvivens Started on the journey and it's going nicely.
  • 1
    @BlueNutterfly Nice! Keep it up

    I just became single.

    But I'm doing good. I didn't lose sight of myself in the relationship. No sign of depression
  • 16
    @moortuvivens That's exactly what also happened to me and I'm not even missing any of the relationship. Having fun and being free to breathe is such a refresher.
  • 1
    @BlueNutterfly Sounds good girl.
    We'll be fine.

    What kind of stuff are you doing that you like?
    What do you still want to do?
    What things did you notice you don't like?
  • 16
    @moortuvivens I like... Driving. Preferably where there is less traffic and it's possible to drive fast. Photography(with my smartphone), is something @fun2code suggested and I'm having a blast with it. I've also been writing some stuff in English for years now, although I really would like to avoid sharing it. Recently I've been trying to push people into accepting the idea of me doing parkour, which is what I've wanted to do for more than 10 years of my life. Music is my second oxygen. And well, gaming.

    My neverending wish is to be better at anything I can be better at. Most of my life I've felt like I had to raise myself, so I kinda did.

    What I don't want to do is stay indoors for too long or *gasp* live with parents, as well as have my friend circle remain the same. I need change. Also, I don't suddenly want to run into a person I'm looking for(No more details to be said here).
  • 17
    It would be nice to be left alone for a while... Let me see what I discover about the person, how I'm going to manage the amount of responsibilities in life or even how I'm going to like parkour...

    Isolating myself is just how I turn myself around.
  • 1
    @BlueNutterfly Wow, you are doing great.
    In month you won't even believe that they diagnosed you with depression
  • 17
    @SoulSkrix Hopefully I'm getting a job as well... There's this internship in Polygraphy that I'm interested in that has employment perspectives. It is in one of the biggest media companies of the country, too... As an introduction it seems really good.

    @moortuvivens Well, it has been nearly 3 months, so that's nice...
  • 1
    @BlueNutterfly you're going to be fine
  • 1
    @BlueNutterfly where do you live?
  • 16
    @moortuvivens On the outskirts of Tbilisi, the capital of Georgia. Not much else that I can say...
  • 1
    @BlueNutterfly a cool.
    I want to travel through america for a month.
    So I'm starting to ask devranters, those that I like, in what area they live.
    When I come through there I might hit them up. Maybe I can get some places to couch surf.

    You dont seem to be on the route though
  • 16
    @moortuvivens More like on the other side of good old globe during your travel xD
  • 2
    Anything we can help you with just let the community know. (or any individual)
  • 2
    alot of good advice here. my 2 cents would be , comedy and sun. yes good old fasionalable brain hormone releasing comedy shows and the thing that powers our own existence on this planet. it helped me tremendously alot when i went through a dip in the last 3 years of my life.
  • 2
    @BlueNutterfly depression is really frustrating, I know that because 1 out of 10 days I go through that phase... but you know what, there are people caring for you out there..live for them, with them.
    I can bet that the more you will talk to people, the better you get, after all I improved myself from 9 out of 10 days in depression to 1 out of 10, with that mantra.
    Cheers
  • 3
    This is adorably funny β˜ΊοΈπŸ˜‚β˜ΊοΈπŸ˜‚β˜ΊοΈπŸ˜‚β˜ΊοΈπŸ˜‚
  • 1
    I spent my childhood with dreams and disappointments, and after getting a hold of my dreams, I found out that they are not much like what I thought they were.

    Of course pursuing your dreams, realizing your goals, doing what you like are good things. But try not to give too much meaning to them as they will mostly let you down.

    Instead, you might want to find a bigger purpose than yourself, which will be much more meaningful than any achievements hopefully :) That's how it happened with me at least.
  • 3
    mind and heart epic battle continue till the end of time
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