Men of DevRant, do you think it's OK to try and pick up women on LinkedIn?

A guy, who claimed to see me on Bumble, message me on LinkedIn about "wanting to get to know me". My rarely used Bumble profile doesn't have my family name, nor my real job title or my workplace. Which means the dude also had to indulge in some high-level stalking to get to my LinkedIn profile.

I've seen some cute guys on LinkedIn, that if we had a pleasant interaction in a conference for example, I would totally ask them out. But it never crossed my mind to even try and chat them up on a professional platform.

Am I too conservative or is this just inappropriate?

interesting question... I would say why not, but why on linkedin chat... If it was a serious stalker he would find a more appropriate app to start the conversation

I would subscribe for the outcome if possible ;)

> "do you think it's OK to try and pick up women on LinkedIn?"

Kinda' weird, borders on desperate, but I met my wife in a grocery store, so not judging where anyone finds their "one".

@PaperTrail how did that happen? Tell us more pls

I know it's socially looked down upon. But i've wondered if it's fair game if it was a recruiter that randomly initiated contact in the first place.

@mansur85 That's what dating apps are for. But LinkedIn is not a dating app.

@We3D

I think LinkedIn is seen as the easy option, because people are less suspicious when they approve your request. If he was sending me a friend request on a social media platform, I would probably not approve him because I don't know him IRL.

It's basically abusing the trust women have in the nature of LinkedIn interactions to weasel yourself into their life. It's shady.

@iceb I think a grocery shop is a legit way to meet. I would like to see my potential partner's shopping cart before we get serious :)

@We3D > "how did that happen? Tell us more pls"

I was 19, she was 17, and handing out ice cream samples, so she couldn't run away. Got her number and the rest is history (I'm 52 now).

I don’t know, honestly. These days, almost everywhere you asked out people is termed “creepy”, except online dating and those really don’t work. But LinkedIn doesn’t gell well with me and I probably won’t do it. If you’re not interested, you could let them know and block them if they persist. Hopefully, they won’t stalk you down.

@kobenz I also find it weird. I can understand people are desperate sometimes, but I don't appreciate lack of discipline.

@latisfeire I think you can ask people out pretty much anywhere as long as there is no power dynamics involved. Maybe a graveyard is not a great place, though.

I think what makes these interactions "creepy" is the fact that a person doesn't know a single thing about you apart from how you look like. Of course attraction is important, but I think most women are not happy to feel like a piece of meat on display at the butcher's.

When there is a level of acquaintance prior to asking out, the creepy factor diminishes.

@NickyBones the setting isn't right though, but I do understand why that happens. People on LinkedIn aren't picky about who they want to add to their network.

It's totally weird and inappropriate in my view. Also looks very desperate.

@iceb Offering you a job opportunity and then trying to bang you is more fishy. About as fishy as female recruiters flirting with male engineers to lure then into a company.

@NickyBones Don't even start me on that one...

@AlmondSauce I saw some screenshots of guys who published these "seduction attempts". Second hand embarrassment hit me harder than in an Adam Sandler movie.

To the female recruiters who do that - go be an escort. You'll get paid more and live with more dignity.

I mean, if they used LinkedIn as a last resort contact, maybe, sure. But as a dating platform? Nooo no no no

I would not. That’s just weird. But LinkedIn is just like any other social platform. The only difference is that it’s positioning itself as a “professional” social network. Underneath, they’re all the same.

@fruitfcker Maybe I'm just lucky, but I don't see typically social media content in my LinkedIn feed. I don't see people uploading food pictures, or their ugly ass kids, or their bikini photos.

I do feel like it's more formal and work-focused than Twitter, Instagram or Facebook.

@ScriptCoded When I was a teenager, there was this section in the teen magazine, for people looking for other people. Like a boy who sat for a 6 hours bus ride and chatted with a girl, but was too shy to ask her number - that would be posted so she can contact him if she wanted.

But online stalking based on seeing a profile somewhere, with 0 interaction, is WILD.

You should see my feed. Pictures of their son or daughter graduating with honors. FB? No. LinkedIn. The only difference is the text they put in after the photo. “The reason I go to work everyday”. 🥴

@fruitfcker Kids graduating with honors is borderline content. Might be appropriate if it meant to help the kids find a job afterwards.

But yeah, it's still Facebook-worthy flexing.

I did it and ig worked to start flirting phase. If women have positive disposition towards you they don’t mind your attempt being on Linkedin

@mansur85 you want to get her into hijab and convert to islam?

@NickyBones Even worse are the *male* recruiters who do that, using fake names and profile pictures to lure people in...

@NickyBones it is only shady if you don’t like the guy. Linkedin is even more of a whorehouse(gender independent) than daging apps, so I don’t get the reason for Linkedin respect.

@AlmondSauce That's so creepy. I mean, I know there are guys working in chats for like OnlyFans or cam girls and actually talking to other guys, but ehhhh....

@aviophile Of course I don't like the guy - I don't know him. What there is to like about an absolute stranger who stalked you on the internet?

If it was someone I knew and liked, he would anyway had my contacts and wouldn't need LinkedIn to reach me.

@NickyBones but if he would be some guy that you would find really cute just by his Linkedin profile, you wouldn’t mind it.

Are you saying there is 0%(zero percent) chance that you would be ok with an unfamiliar guy reaching you on Linkedin? Or is this particular guy “shady”?

It seems like crossing a boundary. If I am at work I am not going to appreciate this kind of attention.

@aviophile You missed a crucial part of my statement about the cute LinkedIn guys - "that if we had a pleasant interaction in a conference for example".

I follow some people because I really enjoy their research or engineering projects. Still, it would be very weird to me if they reached out to me to hit on me based solely on my LinkedIn profile.

It feels shady and incredibly shallow.

So yes, I would be 0% OK with it. I realize that it translates to "you look attractive enough in your profile photo so I'm shooting my shot".

@NickyBones well yeah, to that I agree. I was maybe answering more in general than based on your particular situation. Didn't read it thaaaat closely

@NickyBones i didn’t miss your point, you missed some English classes maybe.

All social media sites are the same, especially for DMs. A message is just a message.

I'm surprised my opinion is unpopular. Definitely no, people who get on LinkedIn don't expect to get picked up, it's no place to.

I don't have a linkedin but I'd generally assume that this stuff wouldn't happen on there.

I mean, it doesn't sound bad per se but it does sound weird for someone to scan through 7 profiles to find your linkedin.

Its not right, but it may be ok. Depends on the message i guess.
Can you block someone in LinkedIn?
I wonder if it ever happened on Github

@bioDan like : I love your repo, wanna fuck btw?

@We3D open a PR and it's just your phone number in the readme

@aviophile how can it be less shady if she likes the guy? He doesn't know that

@aviophile Educate me then. What English classes did I miss?

Because you were clearly trying to aim for the cliche "it's not creepy if he's hot" even though I was very explicit in my original post that it's going to be creepy ALWAYS if we never ever had an interaction before.

The weird guy that triggered this post? He is attractive. Sorry that my principles and poor English messes with with your preconceived notions about women.

@bioDan I'm pretty sure you can block people on LinkedIn, yes.

The message was just weird. It wasn't sexual or anything, just very stalker-ish and obsessive. I can't see why someone would search the internet for a person whose photos you saw somewhere online.

I make an effort to contact someone I had a good talk with IRL, maybe. But not based on seeing his photos on some dating app and 0 prior interaction or knowledge on that person.

@Nanos I wouldn't hit on people in a graveyard, so not everywhere :)

My Bumble name is just my first name, no family name. I also don't state my real job title, and not my employer. I have pictures on my profile obviously, but none of them gives away where I work. I don't link any of my social media to my Bumble profile.

You'd have to go on LinkedIn and look for all female Nickies in central Europe that have a reason to sit next to a robot in their photos. My profile picture in LinkedIn does not appear in my Bumble profile, so it might take a few hours...

@electrineer But is it really just another social media platform?

Maybe I am naive, but I never viewed it as such. I never got job offers on Twitter or Instagram or YouTube. I used LinkedIn for that.

I add people to expand my professional network, or to expose myself to cool new research. I also accept friend requests with the assumption that other people use LinkedIn in a similar fashion.

I wouldn't add someone I don't know on Facebook or any other private social media. But I would on LinkedIn, if that person is in the same field as I am. Using LinkedIn to gain access to people who would not interact with you on any other platform, for purposes that are not professional - it's shady.

not a man but yes, that's not appropriate. do on linkedin only what you would've done at your workplace.

@Nanos I would go with "So did he put you in his will?"

I think my spelling is pretty common. I'm sure that you can find pretty much anyone if you put yourself into it. I just don't understand why would you stalk a person so hard , if you never met or even spoken to them, just based on 4 pictures and 2 lines of text in a profile.

And seriously, I'm no Angelina Jolie, and my (6/10) face did not launch a 1000 ships.

@kiki I'm a big supporter of "don't shit where you eat", so I personally wouldn't date in the workplace (with a few exceptions). But I think if there is no abuse of power, it's OKish to ask a co-worker out for a coffee if you have some situational awareness.

But that's assuming you have established some sort of human interaction before, and not you ambushing them when they have no idea you exist. Which is how LinkedIn pick up feels like to me.

@kobenz Nah, stalkerish behavior makes me feel like I want to move back in with my father 🤣

@NickyBones linkedin is the Facebook of people about to retire

My personal opinion is that it is inappropriate to use LinkedIn as a means to reach out for dating purposes. There are apps for that, heck, I met my wife on a dating app several years ago.

I would say thats incredibly weird, I would also assume it was a scam, he could also guess you are on Bumble like a insert bank here message.

If there are loads of hot horny girls in my area I wouldnt expect them to email me from a gibberish email or know my email, (or talk to me :'( ) A random guy contacting a girl a linkedin?

NOPE but if he followed you from Bumble DOUBLE NOPE.

Also if Bumble its the women who make the first move, he's real desparate/ a creep.

@kobenz I hope you find a mentally stable partner and then you can just roleplay stalking :)

@ScriptCoded if one is at let’s say Leo di Caprio level,hisapproaches in any nature would be labeled less shady and more romantic. Naked truth.

@aviophile Leo di Caprio is dragged everywhere as a borderline-pedo/closeted homosexual. He is one of slimiest men in the public eye.

If you want a reasonable example of a man who could probably get away with anything, try Keanu Reeves.

@NickyBones I like Keanu, but his interview with Moss about the new matrix movie was weird. He heard that in cyberpunk 2077 people were modding the game to have sex with his avatar. He got all excited and Moss just sat their rolling her eyes. Seems a little weird.

@Demolishun I saw it. Moss was horrified and Reeves was counting the money he could do on OnlyFans with his digital twin.

I have to say, I have seen many actors react to questions about sexual fan-fiction written about them. Women are usually uncomfortable and men often take it as an ego stroke. I guess it has to do with how we socialize girls and boys differently with respect to sex.

I would 100% feel violated if I ever found something like that related to me. Luckily, I'm not famous or attractive enough for that.

I may clarify my position: if it's creepy on LinkedIn, it's creepy on Facebook. And vice versa.

@NickyBones > "If you want a reasonable example of a man who could probably get away with anything, try Keanu Reeves."

Watch that video of him training for John Wick at the shooting range. Man is legit.

Not saying I have a man-crush, but ...damn that was a good video.

@PaperTrail if there's anyone I would be totally flip and be gay for, it's Keanu Reeves.

@NickyBones too thin of an ice for my taste

@electrineer If it's someone you have no mutual friends with and never met before, it is creepy on Facebook. And creepy in general.

@Nanos Yes, I just think that would be less likely to happen. Reactions would differ

@Nanos If there are fan websites about me I'd be even more disappointed with humanity than I already am.

As for dating sites, most women are not there because clearly it's a format that doesn't work for the majority of us.

I mainly use Bumble BFF option, which is for finding friends (platonic, no FWB bullshit), and through it I met nice girls in my area to hang out with. My workplaces are 95% dudes and 5% old lady secretaries so I barely get to interact with women my age.

@NickyBones Exactly. Whereas if you know and like the person then both be as pervy as you want.

It's all about the current relationship E.g. random unknown builder catcalling - creppy low chance of success. Current bf high chace of success (still winning)

@Nanos I think the only reason for being in a chatroom is chatting with other people, so I don't think it is creepy.

The purpose of LinkedIn is to find a job and grow your professional network, so if a stranger tries to pick me up there it's hella creepy.

Can't speak for all women, but I don't get approached by men IRL. I have meaningful, decade-long friendships with men but generally men don't ask me out. I also don't get messaged on social media by unknown men. Maybe I'm just ugly?

Most women are average looking and below, and unless you post very suggestive content online, you will be ignored by most men. I'm not sure what is the mindset of guys. Maybe they would risk rejection only if the girl is really hot? And then regular looking women are just not worth the effort?

@Nanos The reason women avoid dating apps is because it's statistically useless for anything but hookups. If you just want to bang, then Tinder can help you find the most attractive guy in your area. But if you want a relationship, a Bumble profile tells you nothing, and makes you feel nothing.

I feel 0 desire to interact with someone just based on a few (usually badly taken) pictures and maybe a line of text. Even if that person is objectively attractive, I still can't bring myself to care.

When I meet people in real life, I do occasionally get the "Yeah, I want to get lunch with this dude." feelings. When I read someone's research or I see them giving lectures, I get a glimpse to who they are and maybe can become interested. But a dating profile? Nah.

@NickyBones I think that most of the men are shy or afraid of rejection irl so they choose the net as a less embarrassing outcome of a potential rejection

@We3D I think it depends on what you aim for. If you just want to have sex and keep it low effort, then yes, try to get ass online, minimize humiliation and maybe score once in a while.

But if you are looking for a partner, dating apps are useless. And playing a numbers game is definitely the wrong path.

@NickyBones > "But if you want a relationship, a Bumble profile tells you nothing, and makes you feel nothing."

My son (24, BSN at a major veteran's hospital, has all his teeth) as really struggled with all these apps. He ignores me and my wife's suggestions and tells us we're too old and "this is how everyone meets+dates now-a-days".

Fair number of catfish attempts, 40-something divorced (w/ kids) women, or 200+ miles away (lives in a rural town). I don't know, the advice to meet people in real situations (church, volunteering, the pickle-ball court, where ever people of character are) seems tried and true.

In the realm of dating apps, is there a "oh..wow...this one isn't a creep" profile type? Not interested in the hookup nonsense, he wants a real relationship.

@PaperTrail Your son is right - people do waste a lot of time in apps, and sometimes it even ends with a relationship. But the fact that it's easy and popular doesn't make it good.

The problem with apps is amount of people you *don't* consider. People that IRL you'd probably get along pretty well with.

As a woman, I can tell you that men have terrible profiles. There are the fuck boys with the great pictures, which any wise woman should immediately swipe left on. And there are the rest of men who take pictures from below their chin, giving us great view of their nostrils hair. Or pictures with huge dead fish, or some other discouraging item. I try to be as charitable as I can when I look at profiles but men do make it hard.

But definitely some of these men are more charming in person, and probably more easy on the eyes than their horrid photos. Which is way I think these apps are just a certified way to misery, for both men and women.

Interestingly, most people I know who started relationships through online dating definitely didn't go into it with the idea of it being much more than a casual hookup, it just grew from there.

Personally I'd struggle with it, even ignoring the fact it's biased against long term relationships - just seems too impersonal and corporate to me. I'm fortunate that I'm from an era where it wasn't really a thing.

@NickyBones > "pictures with huge dead fish"

That's funny, I think he posted a picture of him fishing. Noted.

His little sister suggested pictures with kittens. She said if a girl doesn't like (her cat's pic attached) kittens, she's not worth dating.

@PaperTrail honestly, the fishing picture is a filter. If I were looking I would definitely want to filter out women who don't like a dudes hobbies.

Maybe I post a picture of me fishing, playing minecraft, holding a cat, while petting a dog.

@PaperTrail I usually favor men that show affection for pets. I'm even fine with rat pets, snakes, lizards. I draw the line in insects.

@Demolishun With all due respects to the various hobbies of men, when my first impression of a man is him standing next to a carcass - my judgement would be unfavorable.

Same goes for people who take pictures with their guns and swords. I don't mind a man who own them, I do mind when a man makes them his personality.

@Nanos yeah, true, it was like that back when I was on too. It took a long time to meet someone.

@NickyBones looks like it is a trend now:

https://nypost.com/2022/02/...

Now I want to go fishing. I should hook up with one of these bros. lol

@Demolishun I'm not sure what is the connection between fishing and toxic masculinity. Or masculinity at all. That's weird.

It's not free wrestling with a bear. It's, 99.9% of time, some guy in the comfort of his boat in a peaceful water, catching a not very intelligent animal with equipment far more advanced than what our ancestors had.

@NickyBones

This reminds me of this picture:

@NickyBones > "first impression of a man is him standing next to a carcass - my judgement would be unfavorable"

My son wanted to post a pic with a 12-point buck he harvested a couple of years ago. Luckily his sister discouraged him. His attitude was "I hunt. She's gotta know what she's in for."

Wonder if that's some sort of caveman thinking still rattling around in our brains.

@PaperTrail I think the hunter/gatherer spirit still pervades. That is why men like action movies.

If I was being honest. I would like one of the pics for a woman to be her in the kitchen. I like women who can cook. If she was cooking a fish even better.

@Demolishun > "I would like one of the pics for a woman to be her in the kitchen."

A much younger PaperTrail, his brain was wired different. Working with older folks, they would tell us "You'll eventually get all that wildness out of your system. Look for a woman that is better than you. Marry up...boys...marry up." Didn't make much sense at the time, but it sure does now.

Sexy cloths? Dirty talk? Heck no...give me a lady who has her own mind and can cook fried chicken...I'll move mountains for her.

@Nanos nice book hou are writing here on devRant. Spend same effort for getting laid.

@Nanos > "Everyone at church is 90+ with all their friends and relatives dead..volunteering, all I met was married women at best. Sports, just a lot of single men with no friends looking for single women like me !"

That's sort of our problem too. Our church, its old people and little kids. My son has gone to other churches and joined their young adult groups, so far so good (easing into friend zone), but there is a lot of competition.

He's also joined a mini Pickle-ball group, which all the ladies are married/in a relationship, but they have single friends, so its a baby step process.

@PaperTrail did you see the video of the lady that wants a chad, but is upset that most of the chads are conservative. Which seemed odd to me that the demographic would be split like that. Anyway, it was a bizarre video to watch.

@PaperTrail If it's really such a big part of who he is as a person, then it makes sense that he would put it in a profile. It can filter out the girls that would be repulsed by it.

But guys who maybe caught one fish in their lifetime, and are not really into fishing/hunting, shouldn't put these images because it does discourage girls.

@Nanos I have a PhD proposal to write, it will never get done if I answer all your questions.

I honestly would not give anyone relationship advice - I've been single for most of my life and I also never hooked up with anyone, so my experience is limited to a few committed relationships.

I have only my personal experience to share, and I think my circumstances are quite unusual, so there is probably nothing to be learned from it.

I will say one thing - if you are good in building relationship in your life - with friends and family, then you can also find a partner. But if you generally don't function well in society, then you can't expect to have success with women.

@NickyBones Keep us in the loop on that PhD proposal... have genuinely found your robotics work really interesting. Hope it goes well - PhD is a long slog, but good fun if you have a good topic and good advisor 👍

@NickyBones I was never that good with women in high school. But at the tail end of high school ended up working fast food for about 2 years. This taught me how to interact with people and I started to like talking to people. I made some life long friends there and met my wife.

I also read some books that talked about interacting with people. One of them talked about just talking to people without any pretense. That one tidbit helped a lot. Some people didn't like it as they wanted to be better than me, but in the end they didn't matter. I met a bunch of managers like this.

@Nanos I leaned left a bit when I was 16. Then I realized the left party wanted to murder children. There was no excuse. So leaned right. Then I learned over the years the right side was letting the left side walk all over them. That is when I learned of the uniparty. They work together to fuck every citizen. So now I am leaning toward constitutionally limited government. Basically the "fuck both your factions" faction. Don't trust 99% of people government. All liars, cheats, murderers, and rapists. The world is about to change big time. I hope people pick the side of freedom. If they don't we will all be fucked.

@Demolishun oh, I thought it was the conservatives that want to keep guns in schools. Was I mistaken?

@electrineer > "I thought it was the conservatives that want to keep guns in schools. Was I mistaken?"

Conservatives generally want the freedom to protect themselves+loved ones without an entity (the government) 10,000 miles away with no skin the game telling them how do it.

A liberal/socialist city like Seattle preventing teachers from defending themselves (having a "Ask the shooter nicely to stop shooting" policy) is different than a Washington DC bureaucrat telling *everyone* they can't defend themselves. See the difference? A smaller government closer to the people is better for the people. A bigger government intended to help everyone ends up helping no one (except the bigger government)

@PaperTrail there are two ways to approach the problem, one with more violence and one with less violence.

@electrineer @Nanos I only saw the beginning of this thread and wondered why I kept getting notifications and uh how the fuck did you get from linkedin to this

@Nanos by kindly asking to exchange his gun for a croissant or two ;)

@Nanos > "How do you stop a school shooter with less violence?"

By addressing the 'why?' and not the 'what?'

Topic for a book, not a devrant reply :)

@Nanos the business of the military industrial complex is making money from war.

@PaperTrail most school shootings would stop if the CIA and FBI were dismantled.

@LotsOfCaffeine Seriously. @Nanos @electrineer @Demolishun just start your own podcast or something.

@AlmondSauce Yeah, about the advisor... I am no longer with him. There was some wild shit going on in his lab, and I really didn't want to roll in the mud with the pigs he brought in as PhD students (and a post-doc).

I reached out to where I did my M.Sc, and they offered to take me back, and just let me continue my PhD. I already have 4 published papers as a first author, and a few more collabs, and I know where I am heading with my research. So I basically need little to no supervision at this point.

I just need to produce 2 more papers here and I'm done. My new advisor thinks sometime next year is a reasonable goal for graduating.

@Demolishun > "most school shootings would stop if the CIA and FBI were dismantled"

Part 1: There was a TedTalk (I know) in which a family discussed when their son was killed in a school shooting. Did they blame the gun? The NRA? No, they blamed the media. The near 24/7 *positive* coverage of the shooter, highlighting the troubled childhood, abuse, bullying, etc. There was near zero coverage of the victims and the impact on the families. Not a single reporter from any of the major outlets interviewed them, wanted to know about their son, what his dreams were, what made him special. Not a one.

@Demolishun > "most school shootings would stop if the CIA and FBI were dismantled"

Part 2: Predicted unless society addressed the root issues (the 'why?'), there would be more mass shootings. Part of addressing the issue is a voluntary convention that the media does not publish any information about the shooter. No name, no pictures, no Rolling Stone magazine cover, no background sob stories, nothing. Why? These shooters are looking for attention. Maybe if they know their action will effectively make them/their story disappear, they might make different choices. Might even look for help.

The shooting occurred in 2012. Their predictions came true.

@NickyBones > "just start your own podcast or something."

You're right. Moving on.

@NickyBones Damn, sorry to hear that but glad you've got a decent plan in place - sounds like you're making the best of the situation that you can and you're well on the way there. Good luck with it all, I'm sure you'll smash it 👍

I follow one simple rule for my interactions with women I don't know: Would I have a problem if a man said to me what I'm about to say to a woman? If yes, then what I'm about to say is inappropriate.

@jsframework9000 you have cute moustache

@electrineer OK, like all algorithms this also has some edge cases 😅

it's fine, but I don't get why tho. why are you interested in the most corporate version that person can offer?

LinkedIn is supposed to be a networking site for professionals so I would say definitely not appropriate

LinkedIn is for Business not a dating site.

Also most woman on dating sites get Bombarded and rated by their looks anyway even on dating sites, which hinders productive conversations between sexes. Many women fight for a Spot by the men many of which are creeps anyway.

Dating is hard!

Most dating sites are PPI nightmares if hacked. Never used one for that reason. Also heard that many male creeps scare away the women from those platforms, so the options available is models or bots. Or used for explicit transactions as initial contact platform.