Honestly? People. For the first two years of my career I worked for an investment bank.. Basically working to make rich people richer. That, plus the technology sucked, made me change what I do.

I now work for a company that, while it doesn't cure cancer, it makes products that my friends use, my family uses, even my 1 year old son uses. And knowing I am making a difference in their life in even just a little way is worth it.

Also now that I have a family and a kid, my priorities have shifted and as much as I love coding, my family and kid will always come first now. Could I be making more at an investment bank where I worked 12 hour shifts every day? Sure. But it's not worth it to me.

So I had my first "real" interview today. It was for an internship at a big company and I really wanted that internship. I know I'm more than capable for that position and I made a hell of a good job on the coding challenge they sent (or at least I think so). But I went unprepared for that interview and I think I fucked up.

The guy asked me what were my strengths and weaknesses (of fucking course, cliche question). I had no idea what to answer, I was caught completely off guard. So I said I never quit as a strength and I couldn't think of any weaknesses. It was a very corny response but I didn't mean to say exactly that. I wanted to say that even if something is frustrating and I have to bang my head against the wall for three days, I won't give up on a task. It's basically the same as saying what I said, but it does feel nicer and less corny y'know? And as a weakness I could've said that I didn't have experience working with a team, as I've always worked solo.

I could have been awesome, but I didn't prepare myself for the interview. I really, really wanted that internship since that'd be awesome on my resume, I'd earn some of my own money and I'd learn a whole fucking lot.

Deep down I still have some hope that I'll get an e-mail back and I'll get the position, but I think I won't. This sucks. I am qualified, BUT I DID AN AWFUL JOB ON LETTING THEM KNOW I'M QUALIFIED.

I just wanted it so bad :(