So there’s this SOAP api I have to use (not by choice, and not the only one i have to use) that returns a bunch of XML nodes to confirm the data sent made it and checks out - pretty standard stuff yea.

Now every once in a while it doesn’t respond (as far as I could tell) so today I wrapped a debug around the soap call, error handler and responses and threw a bunch of messages it’s way to try and force it not to respond in order to be able to put some decent error handling in place.

Well it wouldn’t fail.
100 messages .... all responses good
100 more.... all responses good

And then 100 more.... all respond with “x”, plain text not XML as expected!

Wtf is this shit!!!!!

> be me
> be developing a react native app
>realize the iPhone X notch is clipping your content on the first/home screen of the app
>google says: simple fix
>find a built-in react native thing to add safe area padding
> refresh the app
> ohno.png
> the other screens with navigation bars already have built in padding
> TOOMUCHPADDING.jpeg
> remove safe area thingy
> finds a clever, not particularly hacky way to pad the home screen without showing the header bar by setting its height to 0 and the color to match the content background
> more-problems.app
> there’s a small 1–pixel light colored line separating the header from the content clearly breaking the otherwise continuous single color background
> google.sh
> wtf.txt
> stackoverflow.html
> no responses except something I’d already done
> keep experimenting
> tries basically everything to figure out where that line is coming from
>sets borders to thicccc and bright red
>no bottom border? Ok that’s not it
>opacity?
>forgetaboutit.mov
>try shifting the header position around by a few pixels? Maybe it’s misaligned with the white parent layer underneath?
> nope.jpg
>it’s past bedtime
>Sleep.jpg
>thenextday(today).zip
> what about the content? Is that misaligned?
> nope2.jpg
>Maybe its an iOS feature not a react thing?
> make a test Xcode project, completely native to test
> negative.dng (pun intended)
> more-furious-googling.mp3
> find a native iOS stackOverflow question with the same issue (1px line)
> realize your Xcode test wasn’t done properly.
>atleastimmakingprogress.iso
> start looking into the SO post
>it’s native so I have to find out how to do it in react-native
>invent a bunch of style parameters that don’t exist in the documentation to see if there’s an undocumented thing
>loadsaloadsaerrors.log
>googles for a react native version of the iOS only SO post
> somethingpromising.tar.gz
> *tries it*
> “Haha nope” -my code
> whataboutthisotherthing.bin
> KENSISHSBUCNEGWISBVSIDNRVSIDNFIRJRBDKFNFIDJFIFKFNR
> HOLY FUCK
> IT WORKED
> AFTER TWO FUCKING DAYS OF SHITTERY AND SHENANIGANS
>AND MANY STACKOVERFLOW EDITS TO A NOW VERY MESSY POST
>THEREISNOMOREBORDER(final).zip
>*screams of relief*

"Can't you just write an if so the failing queue kinda restarts and processes the disappearing job when the bug occurs?"

No, you dense fuck. We've been over this every time you bring up this rotten, diseased garbage of a project. The queue does not work because the project was developed with a PHP version that was already EOL at the time, in an old framework that was also EOL at the time by the way, surely because someone told the brainless intern to "just copy paste from another project and change a couple of stuff" probably (that wouldn't be you? No? You sure?) and the queue fails because of a bug with the framework itself and I am NOT going to waste my time trying to decipher what the fuck this c programmer was trying to achieve with these 1600 lines of code in a single method. Yes I've seen the flowchart. No it still makes no fucking sense.

It reads from a csv. Updates some mysterious and undocumented mongodb collections. Some mysql tables as well. It also updates some fucking text files for good measure too. Text files. Oh, and It also connects to a third party API and does even more changes based on the responses. There are PHP IIFEs all over the place. Property names so short you'd think we were trying to save up on space but that clearly isn't the case, is it?

And am I expected to somehow unfuck this while babysitting the rest of the devs, write some fucking documents so that you can justify asking for more money because of your own technical debt fuckups, handle nearly all deployments, unfuck more doomed projects that were never stable or documented?

Can't wait to leave this shithole of a company. You can't attract talent. You can't retain talent and you actually made all the competent devs quit with your bullshit.

Now I'm the only senior, tech lead, devops, sysadmin and you want me to take on pm duties as well since the other pm left? Fuck. Right. Off.