Job advertisement :
Ongoing project in
- .Net Core
- Docker
- AWS
- DDD and microservices

Reality :
- For now we have one monolith solution with 60 projects in .Net Framework, hosted on premise.
- But on the jobs board it was described as something completely opposite.
- We are going to migrate maybe this year, if we will have time

Every time there is a problem with API, the other team ALWAYS send sample request as image. I don't know if they are just mean or stupid.

Another day, another tragedy...
1,5 half year later 2 devs were able to deliver :
- custom authentication. Basically they did a very simple client credentials grant.
- a custom wrapper to manage windows services
- a custom job scheduling system
- a custom logging library to log everything to windows event viewer!!!!!!
- all csv reports are created using string interpolation WriteLine("'{varA}','{varB}'") like this...

There are a lot of defects in those functionalities and they delivered almost 0 business features.

Most of my company clients

I am currently working on very very bad designed solution. I doubt if it can be written any worse.
When I inherited it, at first I thought it was done by some intern, but later on I found in repo full name of original creator. In free time I googled the guy and I was in shock. The culprit has more than 15 years of professional experience. For 12 years he worked at one place and than ~1 years in 3 different companies. It seems he cannot hide his incompetence anymore :)

In my friend's company they score theirs team mates, but the form can be only submitted once and cannot be edited!
One of team members send it with the note "effectively analyze code" but it was truncated to "effectively anal..."

My friend recently went through technical interview for a very specific position in very niche technology. Which I will call technology A.
He is an expert in technology A, but interview was in technology B. All questions were about technology B, which has very little to do with technology A.
After few days, my friend received written replay. In section about technical knowledge about technology A, interview wrote his opinion based on technology B. Even if he didn't ask any question related to technology A, because he has never heard of it. Of course my friend didn't get that job

I have had a meeting with "CTO" of pretty big factory. I was suppose to propose a new cloud solution for existing Sharepoint application. Unfortunately we didn't get into any agreement , because the dude only accepts SharePoint solutions and when I started talking about the cloud, he literally went nuts. He later have told me that he has been working here for over 20 years. The technical staff of that factory is just him and some other young guy and they only task they doing is to maintain complex Sharepoint infrastructure. If we hosted application in the cloud, he would lost his job.

On login page : woman with VR set on her head
After login : desktop app on Windows 98

According to product owner, solution is modern and cutting-edge because it is written in .NET
For her it doesn't matter that application is written in ASP.NET 2.0 with VB here and there.

'With the most modern system on the market'
This is part of email I got from CEO of big company.
Meanwhile a college how sits few desk ahead of me, opens Turbo Pascal IDE to work on that (the most modern) system.

it always amaze me when client thinks that new layout for his site will solve all performance problems

My friend went to upper management for a rise for one of his underlings.
He said he have been relentless and in the end he walked out with 10% rise for himself and nothing for his guy.

// Time isn't converted to Customer's timezone because it's stored in the database in the time of Customer's timezone, not in UTC

GOD WHY

My friend silently quited his job. He simply stopped coming to work and that is OK, because his contract expired last Monday. He worked for very bad company, where everyone was braging about how awesome dev they are and know everything better than him. Since company forgot to talk with him about contract renewal or to find a replacement, they are now in big troubles because braggers broke production and none know how to fix it :)

i have been browsing trough my gists and this is what I have found.

HAI
HOW DUZ I PRINTSMILE
VISIBLE "SMILEZ!"!
IF U SAY SO

HOW DUZ I PRINTSMILEZ NUMBERZ
I HAS A SMILEZLINE ITZ ""
IM IN YR LOOP NERFIN YR NUMBERZ WHILE NUMBERZ BIGGR THAN 0
SMILEZLINE R SMOOSH SMILEZLINE AN "SMILEZ!" MKAY
IM OUTTA YR LOOP
VISIBLE SMILEZLINE
IF U SAY SO

VISIBLE "O HAI! NOT MY WERK! LOL!:):)DIS WAY CUZ I LIEK SMOOSH:)"

I HAS A COUNTER ITZ 3
IM IN YR LOOP NERFIN YR COUNTER WHILE COUNTER BIGGR THAN 0
PRINTSMILEZ COUNTER
IM OUTTA YR LOOP
VISIBLE ":)N DIS WAY CUZ QUESTION. LOL!:)"
COUNTER R 3
IM IN YR LOOP NERFIN YR COUNTER WHILE COUNTER BIGGR THAN 0
I HAS A UDDERCOUNTER ITZ COUNTER
IM IN YR INNERLOOP NERFIN YR UDDERCOUNTER WHILE UDDERCOUNTER BIGGR THAN 0
PRINTSMILE
IM OUTTA YR INNERLOOP
VISIBLE ":)"!
IM OUTTA YR LOOP
VISIBLE ":)LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!:):)KTHXBYE"
KTHXBYE

My first day at my first job.
I am super hyped. Now I like be like Mario under a hidden infinite coin's brick, siphoning knowledge from better than me.
First project meeting :
- (CTO) OK, Lets copy paste everything needed from our last project and tomorrow we start development

And this is how we created a new project in ancient toolset

I have made +150 commits to remove technical dept of 67 commits

When a new developer joins my friend's company, they have to work on such screen for trial period (3 months).
There is also no second screen.

Today I was orders to check out one of our applications. Accounting said that the Twilio bill was constantly increasing even if we do not get any new clients. In 10 min I found out what is the problem. All calls are recorded and stored in Twilio, which charges handsomely for such service.
Developers instead of downloading those recording to our data lake, use Twilio as storage, because no coding was involved.
Company lost around 30k dollars this year and around 10k-20k in previous ones, because someone was lazy to spend few days to download mp3 from url.

Sales sold to a new enterprise client ecommerce solution tailored for small/local businesses as enterprise solution.
That software is able to handle hundreds of products, but we are trying to insert over 200k+ of them.
After inserting around 10k, the whole system dies and nothing works because all requests time out.