During interview :
We are going build the next big thing. We are going to use the latest and greatest, now tell me what WCF and SOAP are.

all companies want hire you asap and all those companies also wants you to sign a contract with at least one month notice leave

We need another developer to our team, but my team leader wants someone who is familiar with our stack. A week later HR comes to our room :
"Look I have a perfect candidate! He knows all things you have listed, plenty of experience. Please take a look and I will organize an interview".
Team leader took a glimpse and started to laugh: "This is my CV from before I started working here"

I took a online job interview today.
During online call I was asked to print a few sheets of papers with some programming tasks. I had 20 min to write down all the answers and send a photo back. Good I had a pen and printer connected, because I didn't expect that.

My manager uses Microsoft Edge on Mac O.o'

My QA team :/
https://thumbs.gfycat.com/Conventio...

"Hard times make good developers
Good developers create good frameworks
Good frameworks create bad developers
Bad developer make hard times" - Wisdom from internet

We are suppose finish current project by the end of this month.
We are right on the schedule, BUT code wasn't properly tested... We are still awaiting testing environment... I predicts a lot overtime at the last week before handing it over :(

Two years ago my company with local university prepared an internship program for a group of students. At the end one student was hired, but since it was government program, he also got government salary (aka the lowest possible). Today he literally BLEW UP when he found out that new recruits he was tutoring for last 3 months will earn twice as him currently.

Microservices in real life:
You have 4 different project opened in IDE simultaneously editing all of them to make something to work.
All projects share same db.
Basically this is monolith but splitter to different git repos.
Communicating one another via http calls or directly altering shared db tables.
Everyone is happy until solution goes to production then :
Solution doesn't scale because db is a bottleneck.
Services can be unavailable for 1-2s so some processes are left in unfinished state forever, because everyone assume 99,9% SLA means it always available and http calls will never fail.
Http calls take time.

I "love" when tables in database have columns such as UpdatedBy, Updated and this is the only audit that system has.

Went for shopping last weekend to buy some cloths for "office". Bought 3 pairs of sweatpants.

After like half of a year crunch, when I was working 10-12 hours a day and no one was paying for overtime I was finally moved to next project. We are working in a field where everyone is completely new to it, except me BUT I didn't admit to that. I complete tasks faster while taking remaining time back!

I wrote 2 steps (20 words max) instruction for my team mates how to run local env.
30 min later a dev pings me that local env is broken. I found out that he skipped 2nd step.
He claimed he had overlooked it :D

I went to city department yesterday and. I picked up they are still using windows 98 :O
So I am asking the clerk, why are you still using ancient OS. Apparently It seems they have software that run only on win 98 and it is no longer maintained

During the meting DevOps were discussing some problem, suddenly a PM spoke up "I am browsing SO right now and someone already had time problem before and it was answered. I don't know what XYZ is but why you didn't google the problem at first place."
A long moment of silence.
You can't help us with random SO post...

node modules in repository
( ಠ ͜ʖಠ)

Due to hardware failure build server was wiped out.
So all configurations are gone.
- There is no code to recreate builds
- No backups :D

The bright side, we can finally do it right ;)

I spent an hour to debug spaghetti trying to find out why this damn functionality doesn't work. Then I was told that close button actually saves your progress. I was always using close tab button in browser to close that page. Great UX GG

Lets create new project!!!! Oh our favorite package is 5 major released ahead. It completely another piece of technology after 7 years of development. Lets use 7 years old package!!!

I was tasked to implement SSO. I was quite terrified, because I am working on legacy project where everything is implemented poorly. After series of question I finally found out that client's image of sso is just connecting to another db to validate against user table. I felt relieved :D

After a week of logs investigation, we finally found a solution for performance issue. Just scaled up the app vertically to the next tier plan in Azure.

self-appointed managers during daily :
SAM : a lot of meetings
SAM : a lot of code review
SAM : a lot of team management
Actual manager : But on what task have you been working?
SAM : a lot of meetings

In my project to process CSV file it needs to be transformed into XML file. Basically 100 MB CSV is turned into 3GB XML. They can be deleted afterward but it is not implemented and no one cares. Our storage gains around 1-2 TB data each month. Right now we have ~200 TB of XML in our s3
I think I can add Big Data to my CV *sarcasm*

New week, new problems :(

PR by my team leader:
"OH NO! This method is not inline. This will slow our program by 1 ns!!! Fix that immediately!!"
FYI
Our program computes stuff for dozen of minutes, because of his short sight and bad design from day 1...

I am participating in a project i called "Game of Thrones"

We pretend that we are a team, but in reality everyone hate one another.
It took only 3 weeks for Team Leader to turn everyone against him.
He is constantly fighting for power with Architect who is terrible at his job, and doesn't listen to his advice even if they are good.
We hate Team Leader because he is an tyrant, who is ruling from high tower his peasants. His favorite task is to create various rules that everyone has to accept. You have to write "I accept" in a chat but this is the only choice. You cannot disagree.

Moreover there are developers from client side. They "committed" current project which is full of bugs and generally doesn't work. I don't know why they are still working there, but I presume every of them is working for 5+ years, so they are the only ones able to dig thru the spaghetti they made.
They constantly fight with us about the how code should be written, they commits are garbage but they are very peaky when it comes to ours PR.
They always drag our PR as long as they can. Even sometimes pointing they mistakes as ours.

I am currently working on serverless application that doesn't scale XD

I despise architects that don't code in project

My worst program I still remember :D
When I was learning programming I wrote small console app in pascal to cipher string using Rot13. Every single letter was a case in switch statement. :D