self-appointed managers during daily :
SAM : a lot of meetings
SAM : a lot of code review
SAM : a lot of team management
Actual manager : But on what task have you been working?
SAM : a lot of meetings

In my project to process CSV file it needs to be transformed into XML file. Basically 100 MB CSV is turned into 3GB XML. They can be deleted afterward but it is not implemented and no one cares. Our storage gains around 1-2 TB data each month. Right now we have ~200 TB of XML in our s3
I think I can add Big Data to my CV *sarcasm*

New week, new problems :(

PR by my team leader:
"OH NO! This method is not inline. This will slow our program by 1 ns!!! Fix that immediately!!"
FYI
Our program computes stuff for dozen of minutes, because of his short sight and bad design from day 1...

I am participating in a project i called "Game of Thrones"

We pretend that we are a team, but in reality everyone hate one another.
It took only 3 weeks for Team Leader to turn everyone against him.
He is constantly fighting for power with Architect who is terrible at his job, and doesn't listen to his advice even if they are good.
We hate Team Leader because he is an tyrant, who is ruling from high tower his peasants. His favorite task is to create various rules that everyone has to accept. You have to write "I accept" in a chat but this is the only choice. You cannot disagree.

Moreover there are developers from client side. They "committed" current project which is full of bugs and generally doesn't work. I don't know why they are still working there, but I presume every of them is working for 5+ years, so they are the only ones able to dig thru the spaghetti they made.
They constantly fight with us about the how code should be written, they commits are garbage but they are very peaky when it comes to ours PR.
They always drag our PR as long as they can. Even sometimes pointing they mistakes as ours.

I am currently working on serverless application that doesn't scale XD

I despise architects that don't code in project

My worst program I still remember :D
When I was learning programming I wrote small console app in pascal to cipher string using Rot13. Every single letter was a case in switch statement. :D

For the past 4-5 years I was working with my friend or alone on multiple projects. Everything was on my head (from meetings with client to configuring CI) I became exhausted and for a change I agreed to join bigger team where I was suppose to be just regular developer. Now I know why I was working alone XD

Company has 0 automation, but there is confluence page for every imaginable process you can think off. Wow

Vue and Jquery used in same project alternately.

The whole application was tested by 1 QA who was uploading only one 3MB file.
Now on production ~300 users upload in a batch one hundred 100 MB files... and nothing works now
WHO WOULD EXPECT THAT?

Someone by mistake deactivated my company account. I don't have access to any company services including help desk. Probably it will take 2-3 days to activate it again due to some retarded policies only to deactivate it again next Friday, because this will be the last day in that shit hole.

It has been 3rd week since QA env isn't working, because of some problems with infrastructure and I still cannot convince the client to move all apps to the cloud. He still believes that Azure or AWS will be less reliable than theirs IT. Ye right...just image that your VM is down for 3 weeks on AWS...

I cannot access one of production machines from home while behind VPN. I wrote to support that I need to access it right now and stated this is very urgent. They changed priority form high to low... access will be granted withing 2 weeks....

My lift in nutshell

All employees are working from home. I found out that some developers who work 1-2 days from home don't even have a desk in theirs apartments. Now i understand why working from home is considered as unproductive.

//temporary solution for development
added 158 days ago.
ye temporary...

Developers overwrote default password storage alghoritm PBKDF2 to MD5.

ES6 + flex everywhere in app without webpack, gulp etc...
Now app needs to support IE11
FML

It amuse me when managers are trying to be smart, so they pretend to understand all tech stuff but they just fool themselves and no one threat them seriously XD

Job advertisement :
Ongoing project in
- .Net Core
- Docker
- AWS
- DDD and microservices

Reality :
- For now we have one monolith solution with 60 projects in .Net Framework, hosted on premise.
- But on the jobs board it was described as something completely opposite.
- We are going to migrate maybe this year, if we will have time

Every time there is a problem with API, the other team ALWAYS send sample request as image. I don't know if they are just mean or stupid.

Another day, another tragedy...
1,5 half year later 2 devs were able to deliver :
- custom authentication. Basically they did a very simple client credentials grant.
- a custom wrapper to manage windows services
- a custom job scheduling system
- a custom logging library to log everything to windows event viewer!!!!!!
- all csv reports are created using string interpolation WriteLine("'{varA}','{varB}'") like this...

There are a lot of defects in those functionalities and they delivered almost 0 business features.

Most of my company clients

I am currently working on very very bad designed solution. I doubt if it can be written any worse.
When I inherited it, at first I thought it was done by some intern, but later on I found in repo full name of original creator. In free time I googled the guy and I was in shock. The culprit has more than 15 years of professional experience. For 12 years he worked at one place and than ~1 years in 3 different companies. It seems he cannot hide his incompetence anymore :)

In my friend's company they score theirs team mates, but the form can be only submitted once and cannot be edited!
One of team members send it with the note "effectively analyze code" but it was truncated to "effectively anal..."

My friend recently went through technical interview for a very specific position in very niche technology. Which I will call technology A.
He is an expert in technology A, but interview was in technology B. All questions were about technology B, which has very little to do with technology A.
After few days, my friend received written replay. In section about technical knowledge about technology A, interview wrote his opinion based on technology B. Even if he didn't ask any question related to technology A, because he has never heard of it. Of course my friend didn't get that job

I have had a meeting with "CTO" of pretty big factory. I was suppose to propose a new cloud solution for existing Sharepoint application. Unfortunately we didn't get into any agreement , because the dude only accepts SharePoint solutions and when I started talking about the cloud, he literally went nuts. He later have told me that he has been working here for over 20 years. The technical staff of that factory is just him and some other young guy and they only task they doing is to maintain complex Sharepoint infrastructure. If we hosted application in the cloud, he would lost his job.

On login page : woman with VR set on her head
After login : desktop app on Windows 98