Swag idea: Rubber ducks with the DevRant face on them instead of a ducks face. No beak. Just a freaky slash where the beak should be. 👍🏻
The whole duck can even be the speech bubble orange!

I don't know about anyone else but I'd buy the shit out of this!

Let's clarify:
* Github is not Git
* Android is not Java
* Unit test is not TDD
* Java is not OOP
* Docker is not Devops
* Jenkins is not CI
* Agile is not institutionalised total chaos
* Developer is not Printer Support

What an antiquated idea it is for us to all have to go to the same room/sets of rooms to do our job? Yeah sure let's just get each other sick and distract each other ALL FUCKING DAY so that we're more efficient in an office. Bullshit.

Next up, 9-5. We're goal driven, not time-driven, and driven by deadlines. Nothing about our job can we only do between 9am and 5pm. I'm more creative at 1am, anyway! These are systems people created when they wrote with FUCKING FEATHERS. Grow up, Planet Earth.

Not to mention that once you have kids you need to cater your timings around them. Up at 7, leave at half past, maybe seeing your son for a minute, if he's woken up. In work 9-5, even when the next piece of work isn't specced out yet, twiddling your thumbs. And even when it is you can't get it done because people bore you to death with stories about how they're going to a party on the weekend. And it's hard to code when you're dead from boring stories. Shove your stories up your arse.

Then you leave at 5, home at 6, put the little one to bed at 7 and sit there from 7-11 thinking if I'd worked these hours I could have spent all afternoon with my son.

It's such lunacy.

Just give me tasks that estimate to about 40 hours work, and I'll do it in a week. Hell I'll even spend a day in the office and we'll call it 45 hours. I'll work the first almost two entire days straight and spend 3 days with my son. You get the same value as an employer. I can maybe actually work on a project at home, or do a hobby, or, you know, SEE MY KID.

Fuck you, Offices. And fuck you, 9-5 fallacy.

Inspired by:
https://www.devrant.io/rants/452483

I don't need to improve. I am the best Dev.

..Just kidding. But I don't, really. My life is too busy at the moment with the baby and my side hobby that I'm slowly becoming a bad Dev.

Motivation * Time = Result.

But anything times zero is still nothing.
Why do I never have one or the other at the moment?!

5 month old son means I usually don't have any time but we've got him into a routine where he's in bed around 7pm. Yet after that I don't have any motivation or energy to work on projects.

Before December I was super motivated. Not sure what's happened but it's infuriating.

"Should I use Mithril or Durandal?"

"I'm sorry, I don't play Dungeons & Dragons.."

"They're Js libraries.."

Fuck sake, because we needed more reasons for people to think we're nerdy virgins.

12 minutes before I have to leave for work, still in bed.

Felt better when I went to bed!

When I left university I got a Graduate Developer role at a local start-up. For the first year there i did html and css, second year I was in the support team.

Not a problem because sometimes you have to eat some shit to get where you want to be. But third year I got moved into the Dev team properly.

A month in, the Support team, without someone with a devs brain and a "devs" knowledge of the product, started falling really far behind and struggling and the MD told me I'd be going back into Support for another 6-12 months. So I told him to fuck off, and if he did I'd just leave. They never did and I stayed. 👍

I'm going to be all tech-snobby and share one of my favourite tweets.

I hate it when I see people doing this!!

I decided to start a new web project tonight. I'm a serial starter-never-finisher, but I thought, "No @AnonymousGuy, you'll work on that android game that's genuinely almost releasable aside from the shitty makeshift UI you gave it while learning Unity."

Fuck yeah. Motivated, I picked up my laptop and put it on my lap. I grabbed my phone, opened DevRant, spent 2 hours reading rants, commenting, +1'ing, and looked down at my laptop. Put it back on the floor. I'm too tired now.

Fuck me and my total lack of self-discipline. 😑

I'm assuming this is a repost. But regardless, how the hell have I never seen this before?!
This is the best desktop ever!!

"Hey, I need a website making.."
FUCK OFF FUCK OFF FUCK OFF.

"I can't believe you're turning away work.."
As if I don't have enough shit to deal with without this douchebag.

I deleted a production folder for a laugh. 😂

We had a Christmas Party in our office in December and the office looked fairly trashed in the morning.
I took a photo of a colleagues desk and photoshopped burn marks on it, sending it to our group WhatsApp saying the bosses are furious and whatever they did after I left has left the guys in so much trouble.

It was a horrendous photoshop too, because I had nothing but PowerPoint to use - but everyone still believed it.

Most of the guys had booked that day off to deal with hangovers so it wasn't till the Monday that they realised it wasn't real!

Probably taking our tech directors mobile phone and putting in the ceiling. Kept ringing him from our desks and he couldn't work out where it had gone, but could hear the theme from Rocky, so knew it was close!

Just delete the tests.

Taking "fixing a bug in your head once you walk away from the machine" to a new level.

Fixed a bug, checked it in. Happy.
Go to a meeting 5 minutes later. 10 minutes into the meeting have the sudden realisation that the bug fix was wrong and while it would fix the issue it would break something else.

Anxiously sit there for 50 more minutes not really paying attention because all I can think about is that sucker being auto deployed to our Dev server.

Managed to fix it and get it committed without anyone noticing but FML.

Before 7am this morning I'd managed to sit on my laptop that had fallen underneath a cushion and drop my phone in the kitchen, bouncing along the tile floor and into a puddle of my dogs drool.

My body is clearly anti-technology today.

!rant

Has anyone ever used Awormdo?

Wait till 11pm and put a Star Wars OST on. That puts me in a real development Flow State. I never get into that zone in the office because of distractions.

Best: 100% of my contracts have resulted in extensions and permanent roles offered, after worrying I wasn't good enough to try contracting.

Worst: Used the wrong set of monitoring when doing my first deployment at a contract and thought what I had deployed was working fine. It wasn't. For 24 hours. Cost the company a lot of money. (why did they offer me an extension again?)

This is probably totally the wrong platform for this, but I'm a .NET developer in the UK and I want to find a role and move out to California.
Nobody I apply to will even engage me in a conversation. Does anyone have any tips or good websites/companies to use?
Been trying for two years now and it's become pretty soul-destroying.