Fix it without internet

We deploy on Friday

JavaScript is basically Java

// dirty hack. fix soon.

Comic Sans in IDE

-2,147,483,647 errors. 3 warnings.

Don't we have backups...? 😰

My semicolon key is broken.

Stack overflow is blocked

The client just called

It worked last night

"You can't use Linux"

"We must support IE8"
*insert Darth Vader nooooo gif here*

sudo rm -rf /*

Weird sounds from HDD

"Next week? It's tomorrow!"

NPDD
Non Programmer Driven Development

"We're switching to Oracle"

We use Visual Basic

What does 'return' do?

"Lets store passwords as-plain-text"

/* do not touch this */

Code sharing is illegal

"Oh, I deleted that."

Who cares about comments?

Fix it in production!

Every hardcoded thing ever 😥

write this in assembly.

It should be simple

"It must support IE6."

Sorry, you are fired

Letmecode rants about me

" i have a billion-dollar-idea"

Biggest client uses IE10.

What is a 'chrome'?

"exactly like Facebook, but..."

(customer "spec" for a new web)

It's a soap api

"Github is currently unavailable"

Your job is automated now

4 gigabytes of ram

Jetbrains would not exist.

Mixed tabs and spaces

"DropBox is my VCS"

Stack Overflow is down

Legacy 1000+ line method

Edge uses less battery.

"Fix this legacy code"

I've an app idea

Didn't do any backups

Light theme only ide

Boss: We need to talk

Sudo rm -rf /

😓😓😓 my life in one image vv

The deadline is tomorrow

It's an easy fix.

No boot media found...

git push -f master

Make website copy-paste proof

Let's just use iframes.

OMG DevRant doesn't exist!

They test in production

"I pay, you obey"
have fun!

I changed my mind
-generic client

// quick fix - no time

// dirty hack - shower needed

Both seen in codebase

No new devRant notifications.

Unicode in source code

Give me your estimates.

"We're migrating to apple"

Works on my machine

Sorry devRant has crashed.

Just make it work.

:/

Windows is preparing updates...

Production server is down.

Project has no tests

Just make it work.

"Computer can program itself"

write the website content

you cant use flexbox

Laptop crashes during demo

No time to test

Use Java version Script

Android gradle sync failed

Coffee shop is closed

Please fix my laptop

Fix that wordpress plugin

Your code broke Production.

Build it in Silverlight.

Can it be configurable?

Awesome library without docs....

It works! But why?

Locked out of SSH!

Just one more feature

blue screen of death

When big project starts and I hear:
"Do not write tests"
Because we are in a hurry...

Eclipse is not responding

"You must use FrontPage"

Shit! The backups gone...

Go talk to them

Use Windows for live-server 😱😱😱

You must use IE.

Meeting with the client

"Got raped by client"

"what could go wrong!"

"This will be transparent"

"I had pending commits. "

It's just five minutes

WORKS ON MY MACHINE.

Doesn't work in IE

Pair program with IT-manager

Your headphones are broken

"Failure configuring windows updates"

Windows needs to restart.

What is git?

Use windows for today

DROP DATABASE users; oops

"Deadline is Friday 6pm - update MUST be live then!"

Whenever I heard that I knew im going to be in the office till 2am

Variables as single letters or numbers, just why????

We're out of coffee

Coworker force pushed commit

This will never change...

404 coworker not found

Friday deploy to prod

Not saving bevor shutdown

Lots of legacy code.

Creating and managing Apple certificates 😁

Removing SASS from workflow.

The internet is down

When you get time, ...

use svn for versioning

No time to test

Should behave like Excel

The internet is down.

Blue Screen Of Death

Insufficient Coffee OR Tea

Run out of coffee

StackOverflow, GitHub, Google down

Power outage before saving.

Failed to recover files

Client / Manager: we need this tomorrow, it's easy to implement, isn't it?

Its a great idea

Do it with php

Just add an if

Worst nightmare? When someone tells you:
...
"Works on my machine"

Our database isn't normalized.

Or

Set compile warning = low

404 stackoverflow.com is unavailable

5 rounds technical interview

"Can you finish that feature in the next hour?"

We will use VB6...

Stack Overflow Is Down.

No more home office

the uber of <whatever>

fix this easy bug

Segmentation fault: core dumped

It won't take long

Tabs instead of spaces

Continue to support blackberry

We're switching to Azure

Please use Internet Explorer.

"Don't write bad code." when asked about adding automated tests.

Must work from scratch

PM: You can do it

Code review client meeting

Wat. They're a bunch of managers. Talk about thrown under the bus.

merge conflict on release

"Can I run it on iOS 4?"

"We don't need you anymore"

This is legacy code.

Someone pushed on Friday .-.

Windows is installing updates...

Bug is not fixable

I get these as I have to submit security issues as bugs and then help whoever is in charge of the fixing find and implement a good solution. But apparently , nope . In some devs opinion , sqli issues are not fixable .

Full natural language processing

Dev Rant closes.

Staging? Straight to production!

Just delete the tests.

Have you finished it?

Fix all our code!

This is actually real............... :(

On Error Resume Next

working on my machine

Have you tested everything?

"This shouldn't take long"

Hearing again the words "Our backend is written in ASP Classic".

sudo rm -rf /

DVORAK is standard here

Server hacked, backups corrupted!

we practice agile

"Shouldn't take to long" -client

Web Assembly performance layoff

Secondary servers are down

No time for logging

Works on my machine

This application is legacy

"SQL Server is restarting"

I start counting from 0

We're introducing pair programming.

windoze as dev env

It should be working

Give me your code

While you're down there...

We have few changes !!

We don't need maintenance

Lead supervising (me) while working

You are now irrelevant

<unsatisfiable_designer> reopened issue ######

Merge conflicts on a 10.000 line CSS file

Javascript actually used everywhere

IBM Domino Lotus Notes

Must work on IE6.

Rewrite it in Perl!

Catastrophic bug in production

Off by one counting errors

You should use windows

Can not be replicated

An unexpected error occurred

We need to migrate.

Boss: Just do it!

Fix desynchronized Redis cluster

While you were out ......

Let's change that XSLT

Quick task for weekend.

API docs not found

Server crashed during presentation

Moved deploy to tomorrow.

( from next week, like its a good thing... )

Exception in thread "main" java.lang.ArrayIndexOutOfBoundsException: 26
at words.main(nightmare.java: 4)

Cat threw your coffe.

It should be simple

You have to write a full blown SPA in one js file.