Fix it without internet

We deploy on Friday

JavaScript is basically Java

// dirty hack. fix soon.

Comic Sans in IDE

-2,147,483,647 errors. 3 warnings.

Don't we have backups...? 😰

My semicolon key is broken.

The client just called

Stack overflow is blocked

It worked last night

"You can't use Linux"

sudo rm -rf /*

Weird sounds from HDD

"Next week? It's tomorrow!"

NPDD
Non Programmer Driven Development

sudo chmod 777 -R /*

"We're switching to Oracle"

We use Visual Basic

/* do not touch this */

What does 'return' do?

Code sharing is illegal

"Oh, I deleted that."

Who cares about comments?

Every hardcoded thing ever 😥

Fix it in production!

It should be simple

write this in assembly.

"It must support IE6."

Letmecode rants about me

" i have a billion-dollar-idea"

Sorry, you are fired

Biggest client uses IE10.

4 gigabytes of ram

"Github is currently unavailable"

It's a soap api

What is a 'chrome'?

"exactly like Facebook, but..."

(customer "spec" for a new web)

Your job is automated now

Jetbrains would not exist.

Mixed tabs and spaces

Legacy 1000+ line method

Stack Overflow is down

"DropBox is my VCS"

Edge uses less battery.

I've an app idea

"Fix this legacy code"

Didn't do any backups

Light theme only ide

Boss: We need to talk

Sudo rm -rf /

No boot media found...

😓😓😓 my life in one image vv

Segmentation fault. Core dumped.

The deadline is tomorrow

git push -f master

It's an easy fix.

OMG DevRant doesn't exist!

Make website copy-paste proof

They test in production

Let's just use iframes.

"I pay, you obey"
have fun!

Unicode in source code

No new devRant notifications.

I changed my mind
-generic client

"We're migrating to apple"

// quick fix - no time

// dirty hack - shower needed

Both seen in codebase

Give me your estimates.

Project has no tests

Just make it work.

:/

Works on my machine

you cant use flexbox

Laptop crashes during demo

Production server is down.

Just make it work.

Windows is preparing updates...

Sorry devRant has crashed.

"Computer can program itself"

write the website content

Use Java version Script

Android gradle sync failed

No time to test

Fix that wordpress plugin

Coffee shop is closed

Build it in Silverlight.

Your code broke Production.

Please fix my laptop

Can it be configurable?

"You must use FrontPage"

Eclipse is not responding

It works! But why?

When big project starts and I hear:
"Do not write tests"
Because we are in a hurry...

Locked out of SSH!

Shit! The backups gone...

Awesome library without docs....

blue screen of death

Use Windows for live-server 😱😱😱

You must use IE.

Just one more feature

"Got raped by client"

Meeting with the client

Your headphones are broken

What is git?

Use windows for today

DROP DATABASE users; oops

Pair program with IT-manager

Doesn't work in IE

Windows needs to restart.

"I had pending commits. "

WORKS ON MY MACHINE.

It's just five minutes

Variables as single letters or numbers, just why????

"This will be transparent"

This will never change...

"Failure configuring windows updates"

We're out of coffee

404 coworker not found

Not saving bevor shutdown

Friday deploy to prod

Coworker force pushed commit

Go talk to them

"Deadline is Friday 6pm - update MUST be live then!"

Whenever I heard that I knew im going to be in the office till 2am

Lots of legacy code.

"what could go wrong!"

The internet is down.

StackOverflow, GitHub, Google down

The internet is down

Client / Manager: we need this tomorrow, it's easy to implement, isn't it?

Insufficient Coffee OR Tea

Should behave like Excel

No time to test

Power outage before saving.

When you get time, ...

fix this easy bug

Failed to recover files

Blue Screen Of Death

Run out of coffee

Creating and managing Apple certificates 😁

Removing SASS from workflow.

use svn for versioning

Our database isn't normalized.

Or

Set compile warning = low

Worst nightmare? When someone tells you:
...
"Works on my machine"

Its a great idea

Can it run Crysis?

It won't take long

5 rounds technical interview

Do it with php

Just add an if

We're switching to Azure

the uber of <whatever>

Stack Overflow Is Down.

404 stackoverflow.com is unavailable

"Can you finish that feature in the next hour?"

We will use VB6...

Continue to support blackberry

Tabs instead of spaces

Fix all our code!

This is actually real............... :(

Someone pushed on Friday .-.

Dev Rant closes.

On Error Resume Next

Must work from scratch

Segmentation fault: core dumped

Code review client meeting

Wat. They're a bunch of managers. Talk about thrown under the bus.

Windows is installing updates...

Have you finished it?

Bug is not fixable

I get these as I have to submit security issues as bugs and then help whoever is in charge of the fixing find and implement a good solution. But apparently , nope . In some devs opinion , sqli issues are not fixable .

No more home office

PM: You can do it

"Can I run it on iOS 4?"

Just delete the tests.

Please use Internet Explorer.

merge conflict on release

This is legacy code.

"We don't need you anymore"

Full natural language processing

Hearing again the words "Our backend is written in ASP Classic".

This application is legacy

Web Assembly performance layoff

It should be working

"Don't write bad code." when asked about adding automated tests.

Secondary servers are down

DVORAK is standard here

We're introducing pair programming.

I start counting from 0

windoze as dev env

sudo rm -rf /

Staging? Straight to production!

we practice agile

Let's change that XSLT

"SQL Server is restarting"

working on my machine

While you're down there...

No time for logging

"Shouldn't take to long" -client

We have few changes !!

Works on my machine

Server hacked, backups corrupted!

Give me your code

"This shouldn't take long"

Catastrophic bug in production

Can not be replicated

While you were out ......

Boss: Just do it!

IBM Domino Lotus Notes

Quick task for weekend.

Merge conflicts on a 10.000 line CSS file

Fix desynchronized Redis cluster

Off by one counting errors

You should use windows

API docs not found

Server crashed during presentation

Lead supervising (me) while working

Rewrite it in Perl!

We need to migrate.

"Can you update WordPress?"

Must work on IE6.

"Nah, branching is too complicated, I'll just create an entire new git. It's faster."

We don't need maintenance

Javascript actually used everywhere

You are now irrelevant

Have you tested everything?

<unsatisfiable_designer> reopened issue ######

An unexpected error occurred

Cat threw your coffe.

It should be simple