Fix it without internet

We deploy on Friday

JavaScript is basically Java

// dirty hack. fix soon.

Comic Sans in IDE

-2,147,483,647 errors. 3 warnings.

Don't we have backups...? 😰

My semicolon key is broken.

Just a 'temporary solution'

The client just called

It worked last night

Stack overflow is blocked

"You can't use Linux"

"We must support IE8"
*insert Darth Vader nooooo gif here*

sudo rm -rf /*

Weird sounds from HDD

"Next week? It's tomorrow!"

"We're switching to Oracle"

What does 'return' do?

We use Visual Basic

/* do not touch this */

"Lets store passwords as-plain-text"

"Oh, I deleted that."

Code sharing is illegal

Fix it in production!

Every hardcoded thing ever 😥

Who cares about comments?

write this in assembly.

It should be simple

"It must support IE6."

Sorry, you are fired

Letmecode rants about me

" i have a billion-dollar-idea"

"exactly like Facebook, but..."

(customer "spec" for a new web)

Biggest client uses IE10.

What is a 'chrome'?

It's a soap api

"Github is currently unavailable"

4 gigabytes of ram

Your job is automated now

Jetbrains would not exist.

"DropBox is my VCS"

Mixed tabs and spaces

Stack Overflow is down

"Fix this legacy code"

Edge uses less battery.

Boss: We need to talk

Legacy 1000+ line method

I've an app idea

Light theme only ide

Sudo rm -rf /

The deadline is tomorrow

😓😓😓 my life in one image vv

Didn't do any backups

It's an easy fix.

They test in production

Deploy prod on friday

git push -f master

Let's just use iframes.

Sorry devRant has crashed.

OMG DevRant doesn't exist!

// quick fix - no time

// dirty hack - shower needed

Both seen in codebase

I changed my mind
-generic client

"We're migrating to apple"

Give me your estimates.

"I pay, you obey"
have fun!

Works on my machine

No new devRant notifications.

Just make it work.

:/

Production server is down.

Project has no tests

"Computer can program itself"

The feds are coming!

you cant use flexbox

Use Java version Script

write the website content

Just make it work.

Laptop crashes during demo

Fix that wordpress plugin

Windows is preparing updates...

Android gradle sync failed

No time to test

Coffee shop is closed

Please fix my laptop

When big project starts and I hear:
"Do not write tests"
Because we are in a hurry...

Shit! The backups gone...

Your code broke Production.

Can it be configurable?

Just one more feature

Build it in Silverlight.

Go talk to them

It works! But why?

"Got raped by client"

"You must use FrontPage"

Awesome library without docs....

blue screen of death

Meeting with the client

Use Windows for live-server 😱😱😱

Use windows for today

"what could go wrong!"

Eclipse is not responding

Locked out of SSH!

Doesn't work in IE

You must use IE.

"This will be transparent"

Your headphones are broken

What is git?

WORKS ON MY MACHINE.

Lots of legacy code.

Pair program with IT-manager

"Deadline is Friday 6pm - update MUST be live then!"

Whenever I heard that I knew im going to be in the office till 2am

We're out of coffee

"I had pending commits. "

DROP DATABASE users; oops

Variables as single letters or numbers, just why????

It's just five minutes

This will never change...

Windows needs to restart.

"Failure configuring windows updates"

No time to test

Run out of coffee

Insufficient Coffee OR Tea

use svn for versioning

Not saving bevor shutdown

Should behave like Excel

Coworker force pushed commit

Friday deploy to prod

The internet is down.

StackOverflow, GitHub, Google down

When you get time, ...

Client / Manager: we need this tomorrow, it's easy to implement, isn't it?

Send me status report.

Removing SASS from workflow.

Its a great idea

404 stackoverflow.com is unavailable

No more home office

Power outage before saving.

Just add an if

"Can you finish that feature in the next hour?"

5 rounds technical interview

404 coworker not found

It won't take long

Blue Screen Of Death

Creating and managing Apple certificates 😁

Code review client meeting

Wat. They're a bunch of managers. Talk about thrown under the bus.

Tabs instead of spaces

The internet is down

Continue to support blackberry

the uber of <whatever>

Our database isn't normalized.

Or

Set compile warning = low

Do it with php

Stack Overflow Is Down.

Segmentation fault: core dumped

Please use Internet Explorer.

merge conflict on release

PM: You can do it

"Don't write bad code." when asked about adding automated tests.

Must work from scratch

Failed to recover files

Just delete the tests.

We will use VB6...

Bug is not fixable

I get these as I have to submit security issues as bugs and then help whoever is in charge of the fixing find and implement a good solution. But apparently , nope . In some devs opinion , sqli issues are not fixable .

Fix all our code!

This is actually real............... :(

Dev Rant closes.

On Error Resume Next

Have you finished it?

Windows is installing updates...

"We don't need you anymore"

We're switching to Azure

"Can I run it on iOS 4?"

fix this easy bug

This is legacy code.

Worst nightmare? When someone tells you:
...
"Works on my machine"

Full natural language processing

Someone pushed on Friday .-.

"Shouldn't take to long" -client

Staging? Straight to production!

we practice agile

Works on my machine

It should be working

This application is legacy

sudo rm -rf /

No time for logging

Secondary servers are down

working on my machine

I start counting from 0

"This shouldn't take long"

Have you tested everything?

DVORAK is standard here

windoze as dev env

"SQL Server is restarting"

Give me your code

We have few changes !!

While you're down there...

We're introducing pair programming.

Rewrite it in Perl!

IBM Domino Lotus Notes

We don't use libraries

Moved deploy to tomorrow.

( from next week, like its a good thing... )

<unsatisfiable_designer> reopened issue ######

Off by one counting errors

Must work on IE6.

Catastrophic bug in production

Hearing again the words "Our backend is written in ASP Classic".

Boss: Just do it!

Web Assembly performance layoff

You are now irrelevant

You should use windows

Quick task for weekend.

Server hacked, backups corrupted!

Let's change that XSLT

While you were out ......

We need to migrate.

An unexpected error occurred

API docs not found

Fix desynchronized Redis cluster

Lead supervising (me) while working

Can not be replicated

Javascript actually used everywhere

We don't need maintenance

Cat threw your coffe.

Exception in thread "main" java.lang.ArrayIndexOutOfBoundsException: 26
at words.main(nightmare.java: 4)

It should be simple

Server crashed during presentation

Tabs instead of spaces