Fix it without internet

Comic Sans in IDE

I thought i saved...

Don't we have backups...? 😰

So you fix PCs?

It worked last night

Just a 'temporary solution'

Stack overflow is blocked

I edited your code

"You can't use Linux"

"We must support IE8"
*insert Darth Vader nooooo gif here*

Weird sounds from HDD

"Next week? It's tomorrow!"

"We're switching to Oracle"

"Just use MD5 encryption"

We use Visual Basic

"Lets store passwords as-plain-text"

/* do not touch this */

Every hardcoded thing ever 😥

We're out of coffee

Code sharing is illegal

Tests? Who cares? Deploy!

(true story... )

Mixing tabs and spaces

Who cares about comments?

write this in assembly.

Sorry, you are fired

Biggest client uses IE10.

It's a soap api

" i have a billion-dollar-idea"

4 gigabytes of ram

Add support to IE8

"exactly like Facebook, but..."

(customer "spec" for a new web)

"DropBox is my VCS"

"Github is currently unavailable"

Mixed tabs and spaces

Jetbrains would not exist.

We support IE6

Stack Overflow is down

Production server credentials "test/test" 😱😨😱

"Fix this legacy code"

Legacy 1000+ line method

Use Notepad++ to develop.

We will use Brainfuck

Edge uses less battery.

We changed the requirements...

Boss: We need to talk

I've an app idea

3 hours sprint planning

Vertically center without Google

😓😓😓 my life in one image vv

Sudo rm -rf /

No boot media found...

The deadline is tomorrow

It's an easy fix.

Deploy prod on friday

Let's just use iframes.

No boot device found

Seeing this picture 👇

// quick fix - no time

// dirty hack - shower needed

Both seen in codebase

Didn't do any backups

"Its like facebook but"

OMG DevRant doesn't exist!

DevRant is no more

They test in production

I changed my mind
-generic client

"I pay, you obey"
have fun!

No new devRant notifications.

Make website copy-paste proof

Give me your estimates.

Works on my machine

Just make it work.

:/

New policy: Windows only

There is no coffee

"We're migrating to apple"

Project has no tests

One more small feature

What a lie

Production server is down.

"refractor everything by yesterday"

write the website content

"Works on my machine."

The feds are coming!

Fix that wordpress plugin

Use Java version Script

Vertically center in IE6

Laptop crashes during demo

Code for minimum wage

Undo button doesn't exist...

Windows is preparing updates...

Android gradle sync failed

Coffee shop is closed

Your code broke Production.

When big project starts and I hear:
"Do not write tests"
Because we are in a hurry...

StackOverflow down for maintenance.

Build it in Silverlight.

You must use Netbeans

"Stackoverflow can't be reached"

//Function confusing, document later.

Please, fix the printer

It works! But why?

Java does not exist

Do this with 5 words

This 4 word limit feels like a perl one liner

"You must use FrontPage"

sudo rm -rf /*

The internet is down

32 bit operating system

Use Windows for live-server 😱😱😱

What is git?

Locked out of SSH!

Meeting with the client

You must use IE.

"what could go wrong!"

Build failure on Friday

Lots of legacy code.

Use windows for today

Only one more button

Eclipse is not responding

Run out of coffee

use svn for versioning

We're out of coffee

WORKS ON MY MACHINE.

Where's the 'any key??

DROP DATABASE users; oops

StackOverflow, GitHub, Google down

Doesn't work in IE

Send me status report.

Friday deploy to prod

"Failure configuring windows updates"

Client / Manager: we need this tomorrow, it's easy to implement, isn't it?

Not saving bevor shutdown

Just use this framework

This application uses PHP

What is TeamViewer?

(you could say that's 4 words)

The design had changed

"You are an imposter"

Its a great idea

404 coworker not found

Insufficient Coffee OR Tea

The internet is down

Segmentation fault: core dumped

Blue Screen Of Death

Don't bother testing it.

Nothing but web development.

Fix this for free

Stack Overflow Is Down.

404 stackoverflow.com is unavailable

Have you finished it?

Full natural language processing

"Just test on production"

Removing SASS from workflow.

Windows is installing updates...

Just delete the tests.

Just add an if

Bug is not fixable

I get these as I have to submit security issues as bugs and then help whoever is in charge of the fixing find and implement a good solution. But apparently , nope . In some devs opinion , sqli issues are not fixable .

git push origin master

Dev Rant closes.

Do it with php

Power outage before saving.

On Error Resume Next

Failed to recover files

Please use Internet Explorer.

We need this tomorrow.

merge conflict on release

the uber of <whatever>

Must work from scratch

Works on my machine

All these damn bugs

We have few changes !!

Secondary servers are down

we practice agile

Please sign this NDA

food is late again

Staging? Straight to production!

"SQL Server is restarting"

working on my machine

Have you tested everything?

No time for logging

Internet is currently unavailable

SAP made it easy

We're introducing pair programming.

Fix the legacy code

"not what I imagined.."

I'm a project manager

I start counting from 0

Someone pushed on Friday .-.

windoze as dev env

Worst nightmare? When someone tells you:
...
"Works on my machine"

FIAT
Fix It Again Tomorrow

Rewrite it in Perl!

Please fix my laptop.

"Shouldn't take to long" -client

No SSD, 5400rpm HDD

IBM Domino Lotus Notes

Web Assembly performance layoff

Javascript actually used everywhere

Must work on IE6.

Lead supervising (me) while working

Hearing again the words "Our backend is written in ASP Classic".

We need to migrate.

We don't use libraries

"Network password has expired"

Develop with Visual Studio

Moved deploy to tomorrow.

( from next week, like its a good thing... )

You are now irrelevant

It should be working

Server down, 2 am.

An unexpected error occurred

Stackoverflow is down indefinitely.

Quick task for weekend.

You are fired bi**h

Regex for the win ... ;)

coffee is already empty

"We encrypted your server" hello ransomware

It's a small/simple change

"I've accidentally spilled drink on your laptop"

"Let's launch on Friday."

git branch -D master

"My code is perfect"

Error in exception handler.

Tabs instead of spaces

"Please fix this bug"

It should be simple

Server crashed during presentation

Cat threw your coffe.

Why are there so many one line rants (most of them aren't rants) and have wk36 as a tag? 😕