Fix it without internet

We deploy on Friday

JavaScript is basically Java

// dirty hack. fix soon.

Comic Sans in IDE

-2,147,483,647 errors. 3 warnings.

Don't we have backups...? 😰

My semicolon key is broken.

Just a 'temporary solution'

It worked last night

The client just called

Stack overflow is blocked

"We must support IE8"
*insert Darth Vader nooooo gif here*

"You can't use Linux"

sudo rm -rf /*

Weird sounds from HDD

"Next week? It's tomorrow!"

"We're switching to Oracle"

/* do not touch this */

What does 'return' do?

"Lets store passwords as-plain-text"

We use Visual Basic

Code sharing is illegal

"Oh, I deleted that."

Mixing tabs and spaces

Every hardcoded thing ever 😥

Fix it in production!

Who cares about comments?

write this in assembly.

Sorry, you are fired

"It must support IE6."

It should be simple

Biggest client uses IE10.

Letmecode rants about me

"exactly like Facebook, but..."

(customer "spec" for a new web)

It's a soap api

" i have a billion-dollar-idea"

What is a 'chrome'?

Your job is automated now

4 gigabytes of ram

"Github is currently unavailable"

Jetbrains would not exist.

"DropBox is my VCS"

Stack Overflow is down

"Fix this legacy code"

Legacy 1000+ line method

Edge uses less battery.

Boss: We need to talk

I've an app idea

Sudo rm -rf /

Light theme only ide

😓😓😓 my life in one image vv

The deadline is tomorrow

Sorry devRant has crashed.

It's an easy fix.

Let's just use iframes.

Didn't do any backups

They test in production

git push -f master

Deploy prod on friday

// quick fix - no time

// dirty hack - shower needed

Both seen in codebase

OMG DevRant doesn't exist!

"We're migrating to apple"

"I pay, you obey"
have fun!

I changed my mind
-generic client

Give me your estimates.

No new devRant notifications.

Works on my machine

Just make it work.

:/

Project has no tests

Production server is down.

you cant use flexbox

Just make it work.

Use Java version Script

write the website content

Android gradle sync failed

No time to test

Fix that wordpress plugin

Laptop crashes during demo

The feds are coming!

Windows is preparing updates...

Coffee shop is closed

Please fix my laptop

Shit! The backups gone...

Just one more feature

Your code broke Production.

Build it in Silverlight.

When big project starts and I hear:
"Do not write tests"
Because we are in a hurry...

"You must use FrontPage"

It works! But why?

Can it be configurable?

Go talk to them

Awesome library without docs....

Use windows for today

Meeting with the client

Use Windows for live-server 😱😱😱

Locked out of SSH!

"This will be transparent"

What is git?

Your headphones are broken

WORKS ON MY MACHINE.

blue screen of death

You must use IE.

"what could go wrong!"

Pair program with IT-manager

Variables as single letters or numbers, just why????

Lots of legacy code.

"Deadline is Friday 6pm - update MUST be live then!"

Whenever I heard that I knew im going to be in the office till 2am

DROP DATABASE users; oops

This will never change...

Windows needs to restart.

"I had pending commits. "

We're out of coffee

Eclipse is not responding

It's just five minutes

Send me status report.

Insufficient Coffee OR Tea

No time to test

Coworker force pushed commit

The internet is down.

Not saving bevor shutdown

Doesn't work in IE

Client / Manager: we need this tomorrow, it's easy to implement, isn't it?

Friday deploy to prod

Run out of coffee

Should behave like Excel

use svn for versioning

StackOverflow, GitHub, Google down

"Failure configuring windows updates"

Its a great idea

Segmentation fault: core dumped

Code review client meeting

Wat. They're a bunch of managers. Talk about thrown under the bus.

Removing SASS from workflow.

Stack Overflow Is Down.

5 rounds technical interview

Blue Screen Of Death

"Can you finish that feature in the next hour?"

It won't take long

No more home office

Power outage before saving.

Our database isn't normalized.

Or

Set compile warning = low

the uber of <whatever>

Just add an if

The internet is down

Tabs instead of spaces

When you get time, ...

Continue to support blackberry

Do it with php

404 coworker not found

Creating and managing Apple certificates 😁

Dev Rant closes.

We're switching to Azure

fix this easy bug

We will use VB6...

merge conflict on release

"Don't write bad code." when asked about adding automated tests.

Windows is installing updates...

Please use Internet Explorer.

Have you finished it?

Must work from scratch

"We don't need you anymore"

404 stackoverflow.com is unavailable

On Error Resume Next

Bug is not fixable

I get these as I have to submit security issues as bugs and then help whoever is in charge of the fixing find and implement a good solution. But apparently , nope . In some devs opinion , sqli issues are not fixable .

PM: You can do it

Full natural language processing

"Can I run it on iOS 4?"

This is legacy code.

Just delete the tests.

Someone pushed on Friday .-.

Worst nightmare? When someone tells you:
...
"Works on my machine"

Failed to recover files

we practice agile

Staging? Straight to production!

Works on my machine

We're introducing pair programming.

This application is legacy

Have you tested everything?

"This shouldn't take long"

No time for logging

working on my machine

It should be working

"not what I imagined.."

sudo rm -rf /

windoze as dev env

Secondary servers are down

We have few changes !!

I start counting from 0

"SQL Server is restarting"

While you're down there...

Give me your code

"Shouldn't take to long" -client

Let's change that XSLT

IBM Domino Lotus Notes

Please fix my laptop.

Quick task for weekend.

Web Assembly performance layoff

We need to migrate.

While you were out ......

Hearing again the words "Our backend is written in ASP Classic".

Boss: Just do it!

Javascript actually used everywhere

Catastrophic bug in production

Lead supervising (me) while working

Moved deploy to tomorrow.

( from next week, like its a good thing... )

Can not be replicated

Fix desynchronized Redis cluster

You are now irrelevant

Must work on IE6.

An unexpected error occurred

API docs not found

We don't need maintenance

Rewrite it in Perl!

Off by one counting errors

Server hacked, backups corrupted!

You should use windows

We don't use libraries

It should be simple

Server crashed during presentation

Cat threw your coffe.

Exception in thread "main" java.lang.ArrayIndexOutOfBoundsException: 26
at words.main(nightmare.java: 4)

Does it even work?

alert! website went down

"My code is perfect"

Changing the sprint scope.