Fix it without internet

We deploy on Friday

JavaScript is basically Java

// dirty hack. fix soon.

Comic Sans in IDE

-2,147,483,647 errors. 3 warnings.

Don't we have backups...? 😰

My semicolon key is broken.

The client just called

Stack overflow is blocked

It worked last night

"You can't use Linux"

sudo rm -rf /*

Weird sounds from HDD

"Next week? It's tomorrow!"

NPDD
Non Programmer Driven Development

sudo chmod 777 -R /*

"We're switching to Oracle"

We use Visual Basic

/* do not touch this */

What does 'return' do?

Code sharing is illegal

"Oh, I deleted that."

Who cares about comments?

Every hardcoded thing ever 😥

Fix it in production!

write this in assembly.

It should be simple

"It must support IE6."

Sorry, you are fired

" i have a billion-dollar-idea"

Letmecode rants about me

Biggest client uses IE10.

4 gigabytes of ram

"Github is currently unavailable"

"exactly like Facebook, but..."

(customer "spec" for a new web)

It's a soap api

What is a 'chrome'?

Your job is automated now

Jetbrains would not exist.

Mixed tabs and spaces

Legacy 1000+ line method

Stack Overflow is down

"DropBox is my VCS"

Edge uses less battery.

"Fix this legacy code"

I've an app idea

Light theme only ide

Didn't do any backups

Sudo rm -rf /

Boss: We need to talk

😓😓😓 my life in one image vv

No boot media found...

The deadline is tomorrow

Segmentation fault. Core dumped.

It's an easy fix.

git push -f master

Let's just use iframes.

OMG DevRant doesn't exist!

They test in production

Make website copy-paste proof

No new devRant notifications.

Unicode in source code

I changed my mind
-generic client

"I pay, you obey"
have fun!

"We're migrating to apple"

// quick fix - no time

// dirty hack - shower needed

Both seen in codebase

Give me your estimates.

Just make it work.

:/

Project has no tests

Works on my machine

Production server is down.

Sorry devRant has crashed.

"Computer can program itself"

write the website content

Laptop crashes during demo

you cant use flexbox

Windows is preparing updates...

Just make it work.

Use Java version Script

Fix that wordpress plugin

Coffee shop is closed

Android gradle sync failed

No time to test

Can it be configurable?

Build it in Silverlight.

Your code broke Production.

Please fix my laptop

Awesome library without docs....

"You must use FrontPage"

blue screen of death

When big project starts and I hear:
"Do not write tests"
Because we are in a hurry...

Shit! The backups gone...

Locked out of SSH!

Eclipse is not responding

It works! But why?

Use Windows for live-server 😱😱😱

Meeting with the client

"Got raped by client"

Just one more feature

You must use IE.

What is git?

"I had pending commits. "

"This will be transparent"

Your headphones are broken

WORKS ON MY MACHINE.

Use windows for today

Pair program with IT-manager

Windows needs to restart.

It's just five minutes

DROP DATABASE users; oops

Variables as single letters or numbers, just why????

Doesn't work in IE

Not saving bevor shutdown

Go talk to them

Friday deploy to prod

"what could go wrong!"

"Failure configuring windows updates"

"Deadline is Friday 6pm - update MUST be live then!"

Whenever I heard that I knew im going to be in the office till 2am

Coworker force pushed commit

This will never change...

404 coworker not found

Lots of legacy code.

We're out of coffee

Insufficient Coffee OR Tea

Client / Manager: we need this tomorrow, it's easy to implement, isn't it?

No time to test

Blue Screen Of Death

StackOverflow, GitHub, Google down

The internet is down.

When you get time, ...

Creating and managing Apple certificates 😁

Removing SASS from workflow.

Power outage before saving.

use svn for versioning

Should behave like Excel

Failed to recover files

Run out of coffee

The internet is down

Our database isn't normalized.

Or

Set compile warning = low

Worst nightmare? When someone tells you:
...
"Works on my machine"

Its a great idea

Can it run Crysis?

It won't take long

We will use VB6...

Do it with php

Just add an if

We're switching to Azure

the uber of <whatever>

Stack Overflow Is Down.

404 stackoverflow.com is unavailable

5 rounds technical interview

"Can you finish that feature in the next hour?"

Continue to support blackberry

Tabs instead of spaces

fix this easy bug

Just delete the tests.

Fix all our code!

This is actually real............... :(

Someone pushed on Friday .-.

Dev Rant closes.

On Error Resume Next

Must work from scratch

Segmentation fault: core dumped

Code review client meeting

Wat. They're a bunch of managers. Talk about thrown under the bus.

Windows is installing updates...

Have you finished it?

Bug is not fixable

I get these as I have to submit security issues as bugs and then help whoever is in charge of the fixing find and implement a good solution. But apparently , nope . In some devs opinion , sqli issues are not fixable .

No more home office

PM: You can do it

"Can I run it on iOS 4?"

Please use Internet Explorer.

merge conflict on release

"We don't need you anymore"

This is legacy code.

Full natural language processing

Hearing again the words "Our backend is written in ASP Classic".

This application is legacy

Web Assembly performance layoff

It should be working

"Don't write bad code." when asked about adding automated tests.

Secondary servers are down

DVORAK is standard here

We're introducing pair programming.

I start counting from 0

windoze as dev env

sudo rm -rf /

Staging? Straight to production!

we practice agile

Let's change that XSLT

"SQL Server is restarting"

working on my machine

While you're down there...

No time for logging

"Shouldn't take to long" -client

We have few changes !!

Works on my machine

Server hacked, backups corrupted!

Give me your code

"This shouldn't take long"

Catastrophic bug in production

Can not be replicated

While you were out ......

Boss: Just do it!

IBM Domino Lotus Notes

Quick task for weekend.

Merge conflicts on a 10.000 line CSS file

Fix desynchronized Redis cluster

Off by one counting errors

You should use windows

API docs not found

Server crashed during presentation

Lead supervising (me) while working

Rewrite it in Perl!

We need to migrate.

"Can you update WordPress?"

Must work on IE6.

We don't need maintenance

Javascript actually used everywhere

You are now irrelevant

Have you tested everything?

<unsatisfiable_designer> reopened issue ######

An unexpected error occurred

Cat threw your coffe.

"Nah, branching is too complicated, I'll just create an entire new git. It's faster."

It should be simple