Fix it without internet

We deploy on Friday

JavaScript is basically Java

// dirty hack. fix soon.

Comic Sans in IDE

-2,147,483,647 errors. 3 warnings.

Don't we have backups...? 😰

My semicolon key is broken.

Just a 'temporary solution'

Stack overflow is blocked

The client just called

It worked last night

"We must support IE8"
*insert Darth Vader nooooo gif here*

"You can't use Linux"

sudo rm -rf /*

Weird sounds from HDD

"Next week? It's tomorrow!"

"We're switching to Oracle"

We use Visual Basic

What does 'return' do?

"Lets store passwords as-plain-text"

/* do not touch this */

Code sharing is illegal

"Oh, I deleted that."

Every hardcoded thing ever 😥

Fix it in production!

Who cares about comments?

"It must support IE6."

write this in assembly.

It should be simple

Sorry, you are fired

Letmecode rants about me

" i have a billion-dollar-idea"

"exactly like Facebook, but..."

(customer "spec" for a new web)

Biggest client uses IE10.

What is a 'chrome'?

Your job is automated now

"Github is currently unavailable"

It's a soap api

4 gigabytes of ram

Jetbrains would not exist.

Mixed tabs and spaces

"DropBox is my VCS"

Stack Overflow is down

Edge uses less battery.

"Fix this legacy code"

Legacy 1000+ line method

I've an app idea

Didn't do any backups

Light theme only ide

Boss: We need to talk

Sudo rm -rf /

😓😓😓 my life in one image vv

The deadline is tomorrow

It's an easy fix.

git push -f master

OMG DevRant doesn't exist!

Let's just use iframes.

Deploy prod on friday

They test in production

I changed my mind
-generic client

Unicode in source code

No new devRant notifications.

// quick fix - no time

// dirty hack - shower needed

Both seen in codebase

"We're migrating to apple"

Give me your estimates.

"I pay, you obey"
have fun!

Just make it work.

:/

Sorry devRant has crashed.

Works on my machine

Project has no tests

Production server is down.

The feds are coming!

you cant use flexbox

Laptop crashes during demo

Windows is preparing updates...

"Computer can program itself"

write the website content

Just make it work.

Android gradle sync failed

Use Java version Script

No time to test

Coffee shop is closed

Fix that wordpress plugin

Please fix my laptop

Your code broke Production.

Can it be configurable?

Build it in Silverlight.

When big project starts and I hear:
"Do not write tests"
Because we are in a hurry...

Awesome library without docs....

It works! But why?

"You must use FrontPage"

Eclipse is not responding

Locked out of SSH!

Just one more feature

blue screen of death

Shit! The backups gone...

Use Windows for live-server 😱😱😱

"Got raped by client"

You must use IE.

Meeting with the client

Go talk to them

"This will be transparent"

WORKS ON MY MACHINE.

Your headphones are broken

Doesn't work in IE

"what could go wrong!"

Windows needs to restart.

"I had pending commits. "

What is git?

Use windows for today

It's just five minutes

"Failure configuring windows updates"

Friday deploy to prod

"Deadline is Friday 6pm - update MUST be live then!"

Whenever I heard that I knew im going to be in the office till 2am

This will never change...

Not saving bevor shutdown

We're out of coffee

Variables as single letters or numbers, just why????

Pair program with IT-manager

404 coworker not found

DROP DATABASE users; oops

Coworker force pushed commit

Lots of legacy code.

The internet is down

Removing SASS from workflow.

use svn for versioning

Blue Screen Of Death

When you get time, ...

Should behave like Excel

The internet is down.

No time to test

Run out of coffee

Insufficient Coffee OR Tea

Creating and managing Apple certificates 😁

StackOverflow, GitHub, Google down

Failed to recover files

Client / Manager: we need this tomorrow, it's easy to implement, isn't it?

Power outage before saving.

Just add an if

Its a great idea

Do it with php

the uber of <whatever>

Code review client meeting

Wat. They're a bunch of managers. Talk about thrown under the bus.

We will use VB6...

On Error Resume Next

It won't take long

"Can you finish that feature in the next hour?"

Our database isn't normalized.

Or

Set compile warning = low

fix this easy bug

Worst nightmare? When someone tells you:
...
"Works on my machine"

Continue to support blackberry

Segmentation fault: core dumped

5 rounds technical interview

We're switching to Azure

404 stackoverflow.com is unavailable

Stack Overflow Is Down.

No more home office

Tabs instead of spaces

PM: You can do it

Fix all our code!

This is actually real............... :(

"Can I run it on iOS 4?"

Dev Rant closes.

Full natural language processing

Please use Internet Explorer.

Just delete the tests.

Staging? Straight to production!

"Don't write bad code." when asked about adding automated tests.

Must work from scratch

"We don't need you anymore"

Someone pushed on Friday .-.

Bug is not fixable

I get these as I have to submit security issues as bugs and then help whoever is in charge of the fixing find and implement a good solution. But apparently , nope . In some devs opinion , sqli issues are not fixable .

Have you finished it?

Windows is installing updates...

merge conflict on release

This is legacy code.

Web Assembly performance layoff

No time for logging

While you're down there...

This application is legacy

windoze as dev env

DVORAK is standard here

It should be working

"SQL Server is restarting"

Works on my machine

"Shouldn't take to long" -client

Give me your code

"This shouldn't take long"

I start counting from 0

Have you tested everything?

sudo rm -rf /

We're introducing pair programming.

We have few changes !!

Server hacked, backups corrupted!

Hearing again the words "Our backend is written in ASP Classic".

Secondary servers are down

we practice agile

working on my machine

You are now irrelevant

Quick task for weekend.

Moved deploy to tomorrow.

( from next week, like its a good thing... )

An unexpected error occurred

Server crashed during presentation

Javascript actually used everywhere

IBM Domino Lotus Notes

Lead supervising (me) while working

We need to migrate.

We don't use libraries

Off by one counting errors

Can not be replicated

Catastrophic bug in production

Let's change that XSLT

Rewrite it in Perl!

Boss: Just do it!

We don't need maintenance

<unsatisfiable_designer> reopened issue ######

Must work on IE6.

Fix desynchronized Redis cluster

You should use windows

API docs not found

While you were out ......

There's an updated spec

Push it to production.

Exception in thread "main" java.lang.ArrayIndexOutOfBoundsException: 26
at words.main(nightmare.java: 4)

Regex for the win ... ;)