Fix it without internet

We deploy on Friday

JavaScript is basically Java

// dirty hack. fix soon.

Comic Sans in IDE

-2,147,483,647 errors. 3 warnings.

Don't we have backups...? 😰

My semicolon key is broken.

Just a 'temporary solution'

The client just called

It worked last night

Stack overflow is blocked

"We must support IE8"
*insert Darth Vader nooooo gif here*

"You can't use Linux"

sudo rm -rf /*

Weird sounds from HDD

"Next week? It's tomorrow!"

"We're switching to Oracle"

We use Visual Basic

What does 'return' do?

"Lets store passwords as-plain-text"

/* do not touch this */

Code sharing is illegal

"Oh, I deleted that."

Fix it in production!

Every hardcoded thing ever 😥

Who cares about comments?

write this in assembly.

It should be simple

Sorry, you are fired

"It must support IE6."

" i have a billion-dollar-idea"

Letmecode rants about me

"exactly like Facebook, but..."

(customer "spec" for a new web)

Biggest client uses IE10.

What is a 'chrome'?

It's a soap api

4 gigabytes of ram

"Github is currently unavailable"

Your job is automated now

Jetbrains would not exist.

"DropBox is my VCS"

Stack Overflow is down

Edge uses less battery.

"Fix this legacy code"

Boss: We need to talk

Legacy 1000+ line method

I've an app idea

Light theme only ide

Sudo rm -rf /

😓😓😓 my life in one image vv

The deadline is tomorrow

Sorry devRant has crashed.

It's an easy fix.

Didn't do any backups

git push -f master

Deploy prod on friday

They test in production

Let's just use iframes.

// quick fix - no time

// dirty hack - shower needed

Both seen in codebase

OMG DevRant doesn't exist!

I changed my mind
-generic client

"I pay, you obey"
have fun!

"We're migrating to apple"

Give me your estimates.

No new devRant notifications.

Works on my machine

Just make it work.

:/

Project has no tests

Production server is down.

you cant use flexbox

The feds are coming!

Use Java version Script

Just make it work.

write the website content

Laptop crashes during demo

Windows is preparing updates...

Fix that wordpress plugin

Android gradle sync failed

No time to test

Coffee shop is closed

Please fix my laptop

Build it in Silverlight.

When big project starts and I hear:
"Do not write tests"
Because we are in a hurry...

Your code broke Production.

Shit! The backups gone...

Just one more feature

It works! But why?

"You must use FrontPage"

Can it be configurable?

Go talk to them

Awesome library without docs....

Your headphones are broken

Use windows for today

You must use IE.

Eclipse is not responding

Use Windows for live-server 😱😱😱

"This will be transparent"

Doesn't work in IE

blue screen of death

What is git?

"what could go wrong!"

Locked out of SSH!

Meeting with the client

WORKS ON MY MACHINE.

DROP DATABASE users; oops

"I had pending commits. "

Lots of legacy code.

Windows needs to restart.

"Deadline is Friday 6pm - update MUST be live then!"

Whenever I heard that I knew im going to be in the office till 2am

This will never change...

Variables as single letters or numbers, just why????

It's just five minutes

We're out of coffee

Pair program with IT-manager

Insufficient Coffee OR Tea

Not saving bevor shutdown

Send me status report.

Run out of coffee

No time to test

"Failure configuring windows updates"

Should behave like Excel

StackOverflow, GitHub, Google down

The internet is down.

Client / Manager: we need this tomorrow, it's easy to implement, isn't it?

Friday deploy to prod

Coworker force pushed commit

use svn for versioning

When you get time, ...

It won't take long

Its a great idea

Do it with php

the uber of <whatever>

Code review client meeting

Wat. They're a bunch of managers. Talk about thrown under the bus.

Removing SASS from workflow.

The internet is down

Creating and managing Apple certificates 😁

Blue Screen Of Death

Our database isn't normalized.

Or

Set compile warning = low

404 coworker not found

"Can you finish that feature in the next hour?"

Continue to support blackberry

Tabs instead of spaces

5 rounds technical interview

Power outage before saving.

Segmentation fault: core dumped

Just add an if

No more home office

Stack Overflow Is Down.

Dev Rant closes.

PM: You can do it

Must work from scratch

Failed to recover files

Just delete the tests.

"Don't write bad code." when asked about adding automated tests.

merge conflict on release

Worst nightmare? When someone tells you:
...
"Works on my machine"

fix this easy bug

"We don't need you anymore"

Please use Internet Explorer.

We're switching to Azure

Fix all our code!

This is actually real............... :(

Full natural language processing

404 stackoverflow.com is unavailable

This is legacy code.

Someone pushed on Friday .-.

On Error Resume Next

"Can I run it on iOS 4?"

We will use VB6...

Windows is installing updates...

Have you finished it?

Bug is not fixable

I get these as I have to submit security issues as bugs and then help whoever is in charge of the fixing find and implement a good solution. But apparently , nope . In some devs opinion , sqli issues are not fixable .

"Shouldn't take to long" -client

While you're down there...

"not what I imagined.."

DVORAK is standard here

we practice agile

Secondary servers are down

"This shouldn't take long"

Staging? Straight to production!

working on my machine

This application is legacy

Have you tested everything?

sudo rm -rf /

We're introducing pair programming.

No time for logging

Works on my machine

"SQL Server is restarting"

It should be working

I start counting from 0

We have few changes !!

Give me your code

windoze as dev env

We don't use libraries

Web Assembly performance layoff

Can not be replicated

An unexpected error occurred

IBM Domino Lotus Notes

Must work on IE6.

Lead supervising (me) while working

Rewrite it in Perl!

<unsatisfiable_designer> reopened issue ######

While you were out ......

Let's change that XSLT

Javascript actually used everywhere

Hearing again the words "Our backend is written in ASP Classic".

You are now irrelevant

Quick task for weekend.

We don't need maintenance

You should use windows

Server hacked, backups corrupted!

Catastrophic bug in production

Moved deploy to tomorrow.

( from next week, like its a good thing... )

We need to migrate.

Off by one counting errors

Boss: Just do it!

API docs not found

Fix desynchronized Redis cluster

Server crashed during presentation

Exception in thread "main" java.lang.ArrayIndexOutOfBoundsException: 26
at words.main(nightmare.java: 4)

Cat threw your coffe.

It should be simple

ARM based win 8.1

Push it to production.