Fix it without internet

We deploy on Friday

JavaScript is basically Java

// dirty hack. fix soon.

Comic Sans in IDE

-2,147,483,647 errors. 3 warnings.

Don't we have backups...? 😰

My semicolon key is broken.

The client just called

Stack overflow is blocked

It worked last night

"You can't use Linux"

sudo rm -rf /*

Weird sounds from HDD

"Next week? It's tomorrow!"

NPDD
Non Programmer Driven Development

"We're switching to Oracle"

sudo chmod 777 -R /*

We use Visual Basic

What does 'return' do?

/* do not touch this */

Code sharing is illegal

Who cares about comments?

"Oh, I deleted that."

Every hardcoded thing ever 😥

Fix it in production!

It should be simple

write this in assembly.

"It must support IE6."

" i have a billion-dollar-idea"

Sorry, you are fired

Letmecode rants about me

Biggest client uses IE10.

4 gigabytes of ram

"Github is currently unavailable"

"exactly like Facebook, but..."

(customer "spec" for a new web)

What is a 'chrome'?

It's a soap api

Your job is automated now

Jetbrains would not exist.

Mixed tabs and spaces

Legacy 1000+ line method

Stack Overflow is down

Edge uses less battery.

I've an app idea

"Fix this legacy code"

Light theme only ide

Didn't do any backups

Boss: We need to talk

Sudo rm -rf /

No boot media found...

😓😓😓 my life in one image vv

Segmentation fault. Core dumped.

The deadline is tomorrow

git push -f master

It's an easy fix.

They test in production

OMG DevRant doesn't exist!

Let's just use iframes.

Make website copy-paste proof

Unicode in source code

No new devRant notifications.

I changed my mind
-generic client

"I pay, you obey"
have fun!

"We're migrating to apple"

// quick fix - no time

// dirty hack - shower needed

Both seen in codebase

Give me your estimates.

Project has no tests

Works on my machine

Just make it work.

:/

Windows is preparing updates...

"Computer can program itself"

write the website content

Just make it work.

you cant use flexbox

Laptop crashes during demo

Production server is down.

Sorry devRant has crashed.

Use Java version Script

Fix that wordpress plugin

Coffee shop is closed

Android gradle sync failed

No time to test

Please fix my laptop

Build it in Silverlight.

Your code broke Production.

Can it be configurable?

"You must use FrontPage"

Locked out of SSH!

It works! But why?

blue screen of death

When big project starts and I hear:
"Do not write tests"
Because we are in a hurry...

Awesome library without docs....

Shit! The backups gone...

let me google.. "FINISHED_DNS_PROBE_NO_INTERNET"

Just one more feature

Java does not exist

"Got raped by client"

You must use IE.

Meeting with the client

Use Windows for live-server 😱😱😱

"This will be transparent"

What is git?

It's just five minutes

WORKS ON MY MACHINE.

DROP DATABASE users; oops

Variables as single letters or numbers, just why????

Your headphones are broken

Doesn't work in IE

Pair program with IT-manager

"I had pending commits. "

Use windows for today

Windows needs to restart.

Not saving bevor shutdown

We're out of coffee

This will never change...

"Failure configuring windows updates"

404 coworker not found

Lots of legacy code.

"what could go wrong!"

Coworker force pushed commit

"Deadline is Friday 6pm - update MUST be live then!"

Whenever I heard that I knew im going to be in the office till 2am

Friday deploy to prod

The internet is down

No time to test

Failed to recover files

Removing SASS from workflow.

Go talk to them

Client / Manager: we need this tomorrow, it's easy to implement, isn't it?

use svn for versioning

Should behave like Excel

Blue Screen Of Death

fix this easy bug

Insufficient Coffee OR Tea

StackOverflow, GitHub, Google down

When you get time, ...

Run out of coffee

Creating and managing Apple certificates 😁

Power outage before saving.

The internet is down.

Worst nightmare? When someone tells you:
...
"Works on my machine"

Stack Overflow Is Down.

Its a great idea

It won't take long

Can it run Crysis?

We will use VB6...

We're switching to Azure

5 rounds technical interview

404 stackoverflow.com is unavailable

"Can you finish that feature in the next hour?"

the uber of <whatever>

Our database isn't normalized.

Or

Set compile warning = low

Just add an if

Continue to support blackberry

Tabs instead of spaces

Dev Rant closes.

On Error Resume Next

merge conflict on release

Must work from scratch

Have you finished it?

PM: You can do it

Windows is installing updates...

Fix all our code!

This is actually real............... :(

Just delete the tests.

Someone pushed on Friday .-.

Segmentation fault: core dumped

"Can I run it on iOS 4?"

Full natural language processing

Code review client meeting

Wat. They're a bunch of managers. Talk about thrown under the bus.

This is legacy code.

"We don't need you anymore"

Please use Internet Explorer.

Bug is not fixable

I get these as I have to submit security issues as bugs and then help whoever is in charge of the fixing find and implement a good solution. But apparently , nope . In some devs opinion , sqli issues are not fixable .

Secondary servers are down

No time for logging

This application is legacy

"Shouldn't take to long" -client

Hearing again the words "Our backend is written in ASP Classic".

windoze as dev env

"Don't write bad code." when asked about adding automated tests.

While you're down there...

DVORAK is standard here

We have few changes !!

Let's change that XSLT

Staging? Straight to production!

Web Assembly performance layoff

"This shouldn't take long"

working on my machine

sudo rm -rf /

We're introducing pair programming.

"SQL Server is restarting"

It should be working

Give me your code

Server hacked, backups corrupted!

I start counting from 0

Works on my machine

we practice agile

No more home office

An unexpected error occurred

IBM Domino Lotus Notes

Lead supervising (me) while working

You are now irrelevant

Quick task for weekend.

We need to migrate.

Merge conflicts on a 10.000 line CSS file

Server crashed during presentation

Javascript actually used everywhere

API docs not found

Have you tested everything?

"Can you update WordPress?"

You should use windows

Fix desynchronized Redis cluster

While you were out ......

Must work on IE6.

We don't need maintenance

Boss: Just do it!

"Nah, branching is too complicated, I'll just create an entire new git. It's faster."

Can not be replicated

Off by one counting errors

Catastrophic bug in production

Rewrite it in Perl!

<unsatisfiable_designer> reopened issue ######

You have to write a full blown SPA in one js file.

We use internet explorer