Fix it without internet

We deploy on Friday

JavaScript is basically Java

// dirty hack. fix soon.

Comic Sans in IDE

-2,147,483,647 errors. 3 warnings.

Don't we have backups...? 😰

My semicolon key is broken.

The client just called

Stack overflow is blocked

It worked last night

"We must support IE8"
*insert Darth Vader nooooo gif here*

"You can't use Linux"

sudo rm -rf /*

Weird sounds from HDD

"Next week? It's tomorrow!"

NPDD
Non Programmer Driven Development

sudo chmod 777 -R /*

"We're switching to Oracle"

We use Visual Basic

"Lets store passwords as-plain-text"

What does 'return' do?

/* do not touch this */

Code sharing is illegal

Who cares about comments?

"Oh, I deleted that."

Every hardcoded thing ever 😥

Fix it in production!

write this in assembly.

"It must support IE6."

It should be simple

Sorry, you are fired

" i have a billion-dollar-idea"

Biggest client uses IE10.

Letmecode rants about me

"Github is currently unavailable"

What is a 'chrome'?

"exactly like Facebook, but..."

(customer "spec" for a new web)

4 gigabytes of ram

It's a soap api

Your job is automated now

Jetbrains would not exist.

Mixed tabs and spaces

Legacy 1000+ line method

Stack Overflow is down

"DropBox is my VCS"

Edge uses less battery.

"Fix this legacy code"

I've an app idea

Light theme only ide

Sudo rm -rf /

Didn't do any backups

Boss: We need to talk

😓😓😓 my life in one image vv

The deadline is tomorrow

No boot media found...

git push -f master

It's an easy fix.

Make website copy-paste proof

OMG DevRant doesn't exist!

Let's just use iframes.

They test in production

No new devRant notifications.

Unicode in source code

I changed my mind
-generic client

"I pay, you obey"
have fun!

// quick fix - no time

// dirty hack - shower needed

Both seen in codebase

"We're migrating to apple"

Give me your estimates.

Works on my machine

Just make it work.

:/

Project has no tests

Sorry devRant has crashed.

Windows is preparing updates...

"Computer can program itself"

Just make it work.

you cant use flexbox

Laptop crashes during demo

write the website content

Production server is down.

Use Java version Script

Fix that wordpress plugin

No time to test

Coffee shop is closed

Android gradle sync failed

Your code broke Production.

Build it in Silverlight.

Can it be configurable?

Please fix my laptop

It works! But why?

Shit! The backups gone...

blue screen of death

"You must use FrontPage"

When big project starts and I hear:
"Do not write tests"
Because we are in a hurry...

Awesome library without docs....

Eclipse is not responding

Meeting with the client

Just one more feature

Use Windows for live-server 😱😱😱

"Got raped by client"

You must use IE.

Locked out of SSH!

"I had pending commits. "

Your headphones are broken

WORKS ON MY MACHINE.

Pair program with IT-manager

"This will be transparent"

What is git?

Use windows for today

Doesn't work in IE

DROP DATABASE users; oops

It's just five minutes

Windows needs to restart.

Friday deploy to prod

Variables as single letters or numbers, just why????

"Failure configuring windows updates"

Not saving bevor shutdown

404 coworker not found

We're out of coffee

Lots of legacy code.

Coworker force pushed commit

This will never change...

"what could go wrong!"

"Deadline is Friday 6pm - update MUST be live then!"

Whenever I heard that I knew im going to be in the office till 2am

Go talk to them

Should behave like Excel

No time to test

Removing SASS from workflow.

Run out of coffee

Power outage before saving.

Blue Screen Of Death

When you get time, ...

Client / Manager: we need this tomorrow, it's easy to implement, isn't it?

The internet is down.

use svn for versioning

StackOverflow, GitHub, Google down

The internet is down

Creating and managing Apple certificates 😁

Failed to recover files

Insufficient Coffee OR Tea

We will use VB6...

404 stackoverflow.com is unavailable

Its a great idea

the uber of <whatever>

It won't take long

Worst nightmare? When someone tells you:
...
"Works on my machine"

5 rounds technical interview

"Can you finish that feature in the next hour?"

Tabs instead of spaces

Just add an if

We're switching to Azure

fix this easy bug

Do it with php

Continue to support blackberry

Stack Overflow Is Down.

Our database isn't normalized.

Or

Set compile warning = low

Someone pushed on Friday .-.

"Can I run it on iOS 4?"

Code review client meeting

Wat. They're a bunch of managers. Talk about thrown under the bus.

Dev Rant closes.

No more home office

On Error Resume Next

Must work from scratch

Segmentation fault: core dumped

Fix all our code!

This is actually real............... :(

Bug is not fixable

I get these as I have to submit security issues as bugs and then help whoever is in charge of the fixing find and implement a good solution. But apparently , nope . In some devs opinion , sqli issues are not fixable .

Have you finished it?

Just delete the tests.

This is legacy code.

PM: You can do it

Full natural language processing

Windows is installing updates...

Please use Internet Explorer.

"We don't need you anymore"

merge conflict on release

we practice agile

Staging? Straight to production!

No time for logging

This application is legacy

"Don't write bad code." when asked about adding automated tests.

Web Assembly performance layoff

"Shouldn't take to long" -client

Hearing again the words "Our backend is written in ASP Classic".

DVORAK is standard here

It should be working

While you're down there...

I start counting from 0

sudo rm -rf /

We have few changes !!

Works on my machine

windoze as dev env

"SQL Server is restarting"

"This shouldn't take long"

Server hacked, backups corrupted!

working on my machine

Have you tested everything?

Secondary servers are down

Give me your code

We're introducing pair programming.

An unexpected error occurred

We need to migrate.

Boss: Just do it!

You should use windows

Merge conflicts on a 10.000 line CSS file

Catastrophic bug in production

Fix desynchronized Redis cluster

Javascript actually used everywhere

API docs not found

Server crashed during presentation

IBM Domino Lotus Notes

Let's change that XSLT

While you were out ......

<unsatisfiable_designer> reopened issue ######

Quick task for weekend.

Must work on IE6.

Lead supervising (me) while working

Can not be replicated

We don't need maintenance

Rewrite it in Perl!

Off by one counting errors

You are now irrelevant

"Let's launch on Friday."

Cat threw your coffe.

You have to write a full blown SPA in one js file.

Oh shit, it's disappeared