Fix it without internet

We deploy on Friday

JavaScript is basically Java

// dirty hack. fix soon.

Comic Sans in IDE

-2,147,483,647 errors. 3 warnings.

Don't we have backups...? 😰

My semicolon key is broken.

Just a 'temporary solution'

The client just called

It worked last night

Stack overflow is blocked

"You can't use Linux"

"We must support IE8"
*insert Darth Vader nooooo gif here*

sudo rm -rf /*

Weird sounds from HDD

"Next week? It's tomorrow!"

"We're switching to Oracle"

What does 'return' do?

We use Visual Basic

/* do not touch this */

"Lets store passwords as-plain-text"

Code sharing is illegal

"Oh, I deleted that."

Who cares about comments?

Every hardcoded thing ever 😥

Fix it in production!

write this in assembly.

"It must support IE6."

It should be simple

Sorry, you are fired

Letmecode rants about me

" i have a billion-dollar-idea"

"exactly like Facebook, but..."

(customer "spec" for a new web)

Biggest client uses IE10.

"Github is currently unavailable"

What is a 'chrome'?

It's a soap api

Your job is automated now

4 gigabytes of ram

Jetbrains would not exist.

"DropBox is my VCS"

Mixed tabs and spaces

Stack Overflow is down

"Fix this legacy code"

Edge uses less battery.

Legacy 1000+ line method

I've an app idea

Boss: We need to talk

Light theme only ide

Didn't do any backups

Sudo rm -rf /

😓😓😓 my life in one image vv

The deadline is tomorrow

git push -f master

It's an easy fix.

Let's just use iframes.

They test in production

Deploy prod on friday

Sorry devRant has crashed.

OMG DevRant doesn't exist!

No new devRant notifications.

// quick fix - no time

// dirty hack - shower needed

Both seen in codebase

Give me your estimates.

"I pay, you obey"
have fun!

"We're migrating to apple"

I changed my mind
-generic client

Works on my machine

Just make it work.

:/

Production server is down.

"Computer can program itself"

Project has no tests

Laptop crashes during demo

Just make it work.

write the website content

The feds are coming!

you cant use flexbox

Use Java version Script

Windows is preparing updates...

Fix that wordpress plugin

Android gradle sync failed

No time to test

Coffee shop is closed

Please fix my laptop

Build it in Silverlight.

Shit! The backups gone...

Can it be configurable?

Your code broke Production.

It works! But why?

When big project starts and I hear:
"Do not write tests"
Because we are in a hurry...

Just one more feature

Awesome library without docs....

blue screen of death

Locked out of SSH!

"Got raped by client"

Eclipse is not responding

Go talk to them

"You must use FrontPage"

What is git?

"This will be transparent"

You must use IE.

"what could go wrong!"

WORKS ON MY MACHINE.

Use Windows for live-server 😱😱😱

Meeting with the client

Your headphones are broken

Doesn't work in IE

Use windows for today

It's just five minutes

DROP DATABASE users; oops

"Deadline is Friday 6pm - update MUST be live then!"

Whenever I heard that I knew im going to be in the office till 2am

Variables as single letters or numbers, just why????

This will never change...

"I had pending commits. "

Lots of legacy code.

"Failure configuring windows updates"

Windows needs to restart.

We're out of coffee

Pair program with IT-manager

Not saving bevor shutdown

Friday deploy to prod

Client / Manager: we need this tomorrow, it's easy to implement, isn't it?

No time to test

Send me status report.

Coworker force pushed commit

Run out of coffee

When you get time, ...

use svn for versioning

The internet is down.

404 coworker not found

Should behave like Excel

Insufficient Coffee OR Tea

StackOverflow, GitHub, Google down

Do it with php

Just add an if

the uber of <whatever>

It won't take long

Worst nightmare? When someone tells you:
...
"Works on my machine"

Blue Screen Of Death

We're switching to Azure

Power outage before saving.

Stack Overflow Is Down.

Removing SASS from workflow.

Its a great idea

Code review client meeting

Wat. They're a bunch of managers. Talk about thrown under the bus.

"Can you finish that feature in the next hour?"

Segmentation fault: core dumped

5 rounds technical interview

No more home office

Creating and managing Apple certificates 😁

Our database isn't normalized.

Or

Set compile warning = low

The internet is down

Tabs instead of spaces

Failed to recover files

Continue to support blackberry

404 stackoverflow.com is unavailable

Dev Rant closes.

Please use Internet Explorer.

"We don't need you anymore"

"Don't write bad code." when asked about adding automated tests.

Must work from scratch

fix this easy bug

Fix all our code!

This is actually real............... :(

Just delete the tests.

"Can I run it on iOS 4?"

Staging? Straight to production!

Full natural language processing

PM: You can do it

On Error Resume Next

Bug is not fixable

I get these as I have to submit security issues as bugs and then help whoever is in charge of the fixing find and implement a good solution. But apparently , nope . In some devs opinion , sqli issues are not fixable .

Have you finished it?

Windows is installing updates...

merge conflict on release

Someone pushed on Friday .-.

This is legacy code.

We will use VB6...

DVORAK is standard here

This application is legacy

It should be working

Secondary servers are down

We're introducing pair programming.

"SQL Server is restarting"

working on my machine

"This shouldn't take long"

I start counting from 0

"Shouldn't take to long" -client

Works on my machine

Have you tested everything?

We have few changes !!

No time for logging

While you're down there...

Give me your code

windoze as dev env

sudo rm -rf /

we practice agile

Can not be replicated

While you were out ......

IBM Domino Lotus Notes

Let's change that XSLT

Server hacked, backups corrupted!

Rewrite it in Perl!

Web Assembly performance layoff

Quick task for weekend.

An unexpected error occurred

Catastrophic bug in production

Server crashed during presentation

You are now irrelevant

Boss: Just do it!

We don't need maintenance

Lead supervising (me) while working

Off by one counting errors

We need to migrate.

<unsatisfiable_designer> reopened issue ######

Must work on IE6.

You should use windows

Javascript actually used everywhere

Fix desynchronized Redis cluster

We don't use libraries

Moved deploy to tomorrow.

( from next week, like its a good thing... )

Hearing again the words "Our backend is written in ASP Classic".

API docs not found

We use internet explorer

How long? Be optimistic.

Regex for the win ... ;)

No high level languages!