Fix it without internet

We deploy on Friday

JavaScript is basically Java

// dirty hack. fix soon.

Comic Sans in IDE

-2,147,483,647 errors. 3 warnings.

Don't we have backups...? 😰

My semicolon key is broken.

Just a 'temporary solution'

The client just called

It worked last night

Stack overflow is blocked

"You can't use Linux"

"We must support IE8"
*insert Darth Vader nooooo gif here*

sudo rm -rf /*

Weird sounds from HDD

"Next week? It's tomorrow!"

"We're switching to Oracle"

We use Visual Basic

What does 'return' do?

"Lets store passwords as-plain-text"

/* do not touch this */

Code sharing is illegal

"Oh, I deleted that."

Every hardcoded thing ever 😥

Fix it in production!

Who cares about comments?

It should be simple

write this in assembly.

"It must support IE6."

Sorry, you are fired

Letmecode rants about me

" i have a billion-dollar-idea"

"exactly like Facebook, but..."

(customer "spec" for a new web)

Biggest client uses IE10.

What is a 'chrome'?

It's a soap api

"Github is currently unavailable"

4 gigabytes of ram

Your job is automated now

Jetbrains would not exist.

"DropBox is my VCS"

Mixed tabs and spaces

Stack Overflow is down

"Fix this legacy code"

Edge uses less battery.

Legacy 1000+ line method

I've an app idea

Boss: We need to talk

Light theme only ide

Sudo rm -rf /

Didn't do any backups

😓😓😓 my life in one image vv

The deadline is tomorrow

It's an easy fix.

git push -f master

They test in production

Deploy prod on friday

Sorry devRant has crashed.

Let's just use iframes.

// quick fix - no time

// dirty hack - shower needed

Both seen in codebase

OMG DevRant doesn't exist!

Give me your estimates.

"We're migrating to apple"

"I pay, you obey"
have fun!

I changed my mind
-generic client

No new devRant notifications.

Works on my machine

Just make it work.

:/

"Computer can program itself"

Production server is down.

Project has no tests

you cant use flexbox

The feds are coming!

Just make it work.

Use Java version Script

write the website content

Android gradle sync failed

No time to test

Fix that wordpress plugin

Windows is preparing updates...

Laptop crashes during demo

Please fix my laptop

Coffee shop is closed

Just one more feature

Build it in Silverlight.

Can it be configurable?

Your code broke Production.

When big project starts and I hear:
"Do not write tests"
Because we are in a hurry...

Shit! The backups gone...

blue screen of death

It works! But why?

Awesome library without docs....

"Got raped by client"

"You must use FrontPage"

Go talk to them

Meeting with the client

Your headphones are broken

Eclipse is not responding

WORKS ON MY MACHINE.

Locked out of SSH!

Use windows for today

"This will be transparent"

What is git?

You must use IE.

"what could go wrong!"

Use Windows for live-server 😱😱😱

Doesn't work in IE

"Failure configuring windows updates"

We're out of coffee

Pair program with IT-manager

"I had pending commits. "

Variables as single letters or numbers, just why????

It's just five minutes

DROP DATABASE users; oops

"Deadline is Friday 6pm - update MUST be live then!"

Whenever I heard that I knew im going to be in the office till 2am

Lots of legacy code.

This will never change...

Windows needs to restart.

Friday deploy to prod

No time to test

Client / Manager: we need this tomorrow, it's easy to implement, isn't it?

Not saving bevor shutdown

Send me status report.

Coworker force pushed commit

StackOverflow, GitHub, Google down

The internet is down.

Should behave like Excel

Run out of coffee

When you get time, ...

use svn for versioning

Insufficient Coffee OR Tea

Failed to recover files

Creating and managing Apple certificates 😁

Removing SASS from workflow.

Its a great idea

Blue Screen Of Death

Code review client meeting

Wat. They're a bunch of managers. Talk about thrown under the bus.

Segmentation fault: core dumped

"Can you finish that feature in the next hour?"

Our database isn't normalized.

Or

Set compile warning = low

404 coworker not found

Continue to support blackberry

the uber of <whatever>

It won't take long

404 stackoverflow.com is unavailable

Do it with php

No more home office

Just add an if

5 rounds technical interview

Power outage before saving.

Tabs instead of spaces

The internet is down

Stack Overflow Is Down.

"Don't write bad code." when asked about adding automated tests.

PM: You can do it

Must work from scratch

Dev Rant closes.

We're switching to Azure

We will use VB6...

On Error Resume Next

Bug is not fixable

I get these as I have to submit security issues as bugs and then help whoever is in charge of the fixing find and implement a good solution. But apparently , nope . In some devs opinion , sqli issues are not fixable .

Fix all our code!

This is actually real............... :(

fix this easy bug

Just delete the tests.

Please use Internet Explorer.

"Can I run it on iOS 4?"

Full natural language processing

Windows is installing updates...

Someone pushed on Friday .-.

"We don't need you anymore"

merge conflict on release

Worst nightmare? When someone tells you:
...
"Works on my machine"

This is legacy code.

Have you finished it?

It should be working

We're introducing pair programming.

Secondary servers are down

This application is legacy

DVORAK is standard here

"SQL Server is restarting"

working on my machine

No time for logging

we practice agile

I start counting from 0

"Shouldn't take to long" -client

Works on my machine

Have you tested everything?

We have few changes !!

While you're down there...

windoze as dev env

"This shouldn't take long"

Give me your code

sudo rm -rf /

Staging? Straight to production!

While you were out ......

Can not be replicated

Let's change that XSLT

Quick task for weekend.

Server hacked, backups corrupted!

Rewrite it in Perl!

Web Assembly performance layoff

IBM Domino Lotus Notes

An unexpected error occurred

Catastrophic bug in production

Lead supervising (me) while working

Fix desynchronized Redis cluster

Hearing again the words "Our backend is written in ASP Classic".

You are now irrelevant

Off by one counting errors

<unsatisfiable_designer> reopened issue ######

Must work on IE6.

You should use windows

We need to migrate.

Javascript actually used everywhere

We don't use libraries

Boss: Just do it!

We don't need maintenance

Moved deploy to tomorrow.

( from next week, like its a good thing... )

API docs not found

Regex for the win ... ;)

Server crashed during presentation

How long? Be optimistic.

No high level languages!

Exception in thread "main" java.lang.ArrayIndexOutOfBoundsException: 26
at words.main(nightmare.java: 4)