SkillsPHP / HTML / CSS3 / AS3 / C#
Joined devRant on 3/13/2020
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SMM: Can you chat over the phone? Just want to make sure we are on the same page! I am not great with web lingo!
Me, internally: You're a social media manager. That's literally your one fucking job.2
Client: Can you add the link to our Pinterest to our website?
Me, internally: Did you just ask a webdeveloper if he could add a link? No wonder you're too dumb to add the link to your Pinterest via your CMS, where the inputfield is waiting for input.
Me, externally: Yes. Could you send me the link please?1
Yay! I got my head wrapped around Vue3 parent / child components and fed the whole thing JSON data loaded via Axios. A small feat perhaps, but it just feels great to still "get" stuff when learning becomes harder as I get older.4
Client wants something that makes no sense in UX land. We tell them that it makes no sense. Client doesn't listen, tells us to do it anyway.
We do it anyway. Client has doubts about a small detail of the implementation. And asks us what our advice would be.
My advice would be that you start listening to the professionals. How am I supposed to give "advice" on a detail of something I disagree with in general?
Her: "I'm going to cut off one of my hands."
Me: "I recommend you do not do that."
Her? "Would you cut off the left or the right hand? I can't decide."
Me, saying: "I have no preference in this."
Me, thinking: "You should cut off your fucking ears, you're obviously not using them."2
Scrolling on devRant (browser) is still borked. Whenever I try to scroll down, some script counters my every move. Has been the case for months. Am I the only one experiencing this?4
Recruiter starts his mail with a question. "Are you really harcore?"
And I think to myself...
"No. I'm really exhausted."3
So you are telling me I have to stay indoors from 21:00 onward because of Corona virus? And get a 95 euro fine when I don't? While I'm working 8 hours a day in a small office with 3 old fucks that refused to do ANY protection for their employees?
I'm glad you old fucks are dropping like flies. 2 million of you are dead already. Hurry up and die faster!!!8
They want me to change a few details in the CSS in a wordpress website. The theme supports some extra CSS. However, it doesn't seem to work without !important.
Turns out there's a line of CSS dumped in the <head> directly that overrides all "extra" CSS... and about 9 <link> instances after that... oh and some random <style> tags after that...
Oh and rounding shouldn't be done with CSS but with some custom button style editor. For each button. Seperately. Because fuck my life.1
Manager 1: "We're going to hold a small meeting because of a new project."
Me: "Okay, cool. What project is it about?"
Manager 1: "Project X".
ME: "Right. What's the domain name?"
Manager 2: "Well there's this design but it's entirely made up. Just a concept."
Manager 1: "Wait, there's no more toner."
Manager 1 and 2 take 20 minutes to fix the printer, so manager 1 can print out an e-mail. They both return to their seats. No meeting happens. I roll a smoke and go outside to flip through LinkedIn for the nth time this week.3
1000 lines of css is still smaller then most images optimized for modern displays (aka everything that isn't a thumbnail). Either our designers don't come up with stuff complex enough to validate adding a compilation step to interpreted code or I'm missing something,
I've been looking into CSS preprocessors. Can anyone give me an example of why you'd use one that isn't some lame programming platitude like "pushing technology forward"? Like an actual design element that can't be done in straight up CSS?
As someone who compiled AS3 for the web back in the day the "new wave" of internet technology (with all it's compilation steps) seems super dodgy.4
Yuppie clients are utter cancer. You treat me like garbage, stress me the fuck out with constant calls and changes, and force me to deploy manually on a f*cking friday. Your site deserves to be broken. You deserve to be angry. I enjoy your business suffering, you yuppie ass money brabbing retardotron.
The salary I would make if I understood this shit is not worth my sanity. Most people develop a career, but all I seem to develop is RSI and a seething hatred for humanity.1
DEAR FRONTEND CLIENTS
STOP ASKING ME TO DO THE GEOMETRICALLY IMPOSSIBLE
YOU PASSED FIRST GRADE YOU SHOULD KNOW HOW SHAPES WORK
What's up with the scrolling on Devrant? Or rather, the lack thereof. I keep being sent back to the top of the page.
I just implemented the cookie popup you wanted me to make. And now you give me a call that your tracking code doesn't appear in the source code?
Oh, but you don't see the cookie popup? You saw it right? So you've already set your cookie permissions, probably not to accept tracking cookies. We can check by... what's that?
If I can make the tracking code appear anyway?
Yeah, sure, no problem, change will be live in five minutes.2
I loved what Flash used to be. Most people thought it was proprietary stuff. The program was. It's language was not. And damn, did we have fun together! We rendered vector graphics from code and pushed perlin noise into bitmaps while the HTML guys were still struggling with rounded corners. Oh, those bezier curves we dreamed up out of thin lines of code!
Other people just couldn't see how beautiful you were. They hated you because you were popular, and ads were beginning to dominate the landscape. And lots of dildo's made ads by abusing your capabilities, straining you with their ugly code that didn't remove event listeners properly. I always did, because I loved you.
But... I have to move on. I don't know if you're still watching over me but I can't deny I've been trying to find some happiness. I think you would have wanted me to. C# is a sweet girl and I'm thankful for her, but I won't ever forget those short few years we had together. They were the absolute best.
Rest well my dear princess.8
I've been trying and testing all kinds of frameworks to get up to speed with modern development. Tinkered with VUE. That was fun. Tinkered with Laravel. Also fun.
I would rather stock shelves at a supermarket then learn yet another crappt framework that will be redundant in 5 years. I'll wait for the next one.7
Social media is bad for your self image. When you look at LinkedIn, everybody is making super cool applications and sites everybody just loves!
My work is more of a collection of bad designs intended to inspire more belief in the oncoming failcascade that is the next client's marketing brainfart hoping for happenstance but being shattered on the impervious anvil of shattered hopes and dreams.
It's a shitshow, but at least I get to press all the buttons to advance the stupid plot of a bad comedy.1
style="whatever styling brainfart the client has today that needs to be removed tomorrow once he realizes that it looks like total ass on anything that isn't his personal device".
"Can you send me an estimate over the changes I'll be requesting peace-meal from you over the coming 4 days? And have the website ready next week?"
How about no?
So I have been migrating my website from AngularJS to Vue as an experiment. I'm late to the party.
It has a navicon that opens a dock, a bar that drops down when you scroll, and some insane particle effect that is first drawn to a canvas and then pushed into a div's background image in real time. Seems nesting Vue instances isn't an option, so I made it into a component.
After two days I finally got it working... and it spazzes the hell out. It's literally the exact same code, but now the canvas starts to flicker like crazy the moment you scroll the page.
Not only have I been doing really filthy stuff like 'var self = this', I have no idea where even to begin debugging this nonsense.4
I just don't get it. I've done web stuff for 20 years, but these days I'm expected to learn god knows how many command line tools just to stay relevant in the field. I fear the day I have to leave this crummy company making small websites, I just don't have what it takes to learn all that shit and get a job elsewhere.
Webpack, NodeJS, Angular... when I look at their docs I just get lost in all the jargon and I think to myself: I would rather stock shelves like a chum then learn all this goddamn shit over and over and over, my generation can't afford shit anyway so there is no point in doing the absolute minimum to survive.
Meanwhile the recruiters on LinkedIn all talk like the jobs they have are like a visit to fucking Disneyland compared to the soulless mindfucking grind a job entails. GAHHHH!2
A lot of our web forms are done with AngularJS and combined with jQuery it does everything I need to satify the needs of people who are most impressed CSS transitions and have no technical knowledge whatsoever. I have no peers to ask this question.
I'm the only person deciding on what JS libs to use at the company... and since AngularJS goes into maintenance mode... what would you guys suggest to handle form input and add/remove CSS classes to HTML elements?
Should I get on the VUE bandwagon this year?13
Designer: These form elements should not be textboxes; they should be dropdown menu's.
Me: No problem. Done.
Designer: Could you make X the only selectable option in field A and Y the only selectable option in field B?
Me: I sure can.
Me: Implements a dropdown menu with only one option, knowing that asking questions would label me as "difficult" and "technical". Uploads to production, decides to take a smoke break.
My coping mechanism: Maybe you should also add an Animator to the IK targets on your character controller in Unity instead of depending on a slerped IK weight value.5
Designer: These nine logo's come after the intro text...
Me: Wait... nine? How do we know the number of company logo's in that section is always nine?
Designer: Well that looks the best.
Me: That may be, but we're working with CMS content here. We cannot be sure that this company works for exactly nine clients.
Designer: What do you mean?
Me: In general the idea is that a CMS allows a customer to determine that for themselves. That is kind of what a Content Management System does.
Designer: But shouldn't I, the Designer, be in control of that? Nine logo's simply looks the best!
Me (trying to cope with the fact this guy's formal education is a joke compared to his ego): The reality is that the client being able to determine his own content is the reason we make this website. We will have to take into account the actual number of items in the CMS may be less or more. We could paginate it or randomize it if you want to use that grid of nine.
Designer: I don't see why I can't determine that.
Me: Designing around those constraints is what my boss hired you to do.22
Designer: can we put the popup at the top of the screen?
Me: You mean op top of the navigation?
Me: I sure can. Would be stupid to block off the site navigation with a popup, but definately possible.
Designer: Cool, let me know when done!
Me: I am done.
Designer: Well now I can't click on the navigation anymore.
Me: That's correct. Let me know when you want to change it again.13
I see people ++ my post.
I myself cannot even find the ++ button.
I'm blind as a bat and I write CSS for a living.
I just realized my senses must have adapted and I can probably hear stylesheets cascade.10
I am still at the office, doing a completely non-critical job for completely non-critical businesses while the streets look like something straight out of Fallout 4.
Friend: Why do you not work from home?
Me: Because people who care more about money then the wellbeing of the world control everything. Jobs are just slavery with extra steps and the exchange of one's health in exchange for tokens with which to purchase base necessities is just a way to hide that fact.
Friend: I fucking hate our species.
Client: Can I see an update of the work?
Me: Mails the client the first update has been published.
Me: Mails the client the second update has been published.
Client: Can I see an update of the work?
Me: Did you see the last e-mails I sent this morning?
Yet another client that expects we do cheap and fast work, mails us daily he wants to see updates, and constantly requests new features... but can't be bothered to give us the feedback we need for those features, or even read his e-mail.
Next week we'll get an angry mail that the features aren't exactly what he expected, mark my words.2