"It'll be fine. Merge with default."

Any meeting involving our UX team. They get a program to drag and drop pictures of pieces of the website and then wonder why the devs implementing it don't want to

When your PM files a ticket saying "make better use of space" on your UI feature

WHAT DOES THIS MEAN??

DEVS THAT MANUALLY UPDATE AUTOGENERATED CODE ARE THE WORST!!!!

Guess who has to clean up your mess? And be pinged about it later when another dev thinks they wrote the feature??

No, your hack wasn't cool.

Nothing more depressing than a response like "No, no, no, we can't remove this old code. It doesn't matter that there's 0 references as of 3 years ago"

"This should be simple. I'll just go down the least disruptive path."

*makes changes to 24 files*

The bugs that make you think are the best/worst.

Had a ghost foreign key constraint from a dropped table. Cant drop it from a non existant table.

Turns out the dev copied a file for the new table and since you can technically name those foreign keys anything you want, there were no errors when he ran it.

Also sloppy/overworked dev teammates are the worst...

Also I'm pretty sure rule 2 of programming is "Never Copy and Paste"

Everytime I touch a Microsoft product, I die a little on the inside. Like I really want Microsoft stuff to be good, but I dont understand how such heavy products break/freeze so often?

Intern Me: "this is what im working on"
Fellow Intern: "Hey cool, can you send me it? "
Me: "What? The code?"
Intern: "Yeah, just send it all"
Me: "You want me to send you the entirety of the 300 million line code base for a proprietary trading system?"
Intern: "Yeah"

Rude Bystander: "Oh, you're a computer science major? So can you flaunt your looks to get the guys to hack stuff for you?"

Only questions I consider stupid are the ones that are permutations of an original question asked constantly from month to month. They should know the answer by now!

Asker: "Theres a bug. I cant log into this account"

Dev: "It's a different dev database, so use the password for that one"

Why is it that no one asks me for anything all day until 3 mins before I'm supposed to leave work?

Customer Service(cs): clients complaining our site crashes on their computer

Support: they dont have enough resources, its their computer

CS: customers still complaining, how do we fix this?

Support: tell them to get a better computer

CS: lets borrow their information and see whats going on

Support: reluctantly moves customer data over

CS: I dont see anything wrong here. It works just fine

Support: ... ... ...

Today I've come to the realization that being a PM is like trying to herd cats. I don't have enough energy for this and programming 😣😧

If you give a mouse a cookie is all too real. Started sending out release notes to those who benefit from the changes and they're now asking for access to our ticket system 'just because'

When your company expects you to manually change information in the production db by saying "hey, client Billy wants his stuff moved back to where it was"

When a customer question gets escalated all the way to the dev team when it could have easily been solved if those escalating the issue had bothered to use the site themselves