rm -rf /bin/laden

"oh, so you fix computers..."

the beauty of learning to code.. wait, what's that say again?

There are 11 types of people: those who understand binary, those who don't, and those who are tired of seeing this binary joke.

When you are proud of your work you have finished today, come home and want to explain it to your non-coding gf...never felt so misunderstood in my life

#rightInDaFeels

e = (mc)²

errors = (more code)²

The company I work for wants me to create an app to compress "foxit phantompdf" files, so that they are still readable after compression.

(referencing my last rant)

chmod 777 solve every problem

At this point when I'm asked what I'm doing, my reply is just "computer stuff"

pm: our client wants a proprietary pdf compression app.
me: Okay gimme 3 days and some sample PDFs.
pm: they won't supply any sample PDFs because they contain confidential information.
me: okay fine, I'll download some from the interwebs.

** 3 days later **

me: here is the pdf compression app. all done and works with all of about 100 PDFs we tested with.
pm: okay great I'll have the client take a look.

** half and hour later **

pm: the client said that the compression app errors out.
me: okay I'll go look at the server logs to see what's up.

** 10 seconds later **

me: what the shit is a "foxit phantompdf" file.
pm: it's the proprietary pdf format that they are using.
me: oh joy. I'll go try to find some sample files and see if I can fix it.

** 1 hour later, no sample files found **

pm: got anything?
me: *sobs obnoxiously*

- Hey, that envelope seems important, did you get a job on NY or something?
- Better, I got stickers!

fuck fuck fuck, my host.
gave me 32GB of RAM and a 32bit OS

Nothing ruins my day like having to touch up python scripts. I'm predominantly a Java dev and never learned Python properly so every time I do it its THE WORST

In a weekend release chatroom, the lead- working from WiFi in a bar- asks "What's the issue count?" But forgot the "o".

I have no time to rant about my works because I wasted it on catching the pokemons

I would like to tell you a UDP joke, but you might not get it..

Ignorant sales people and PMs who confuse a program's UI with the whole thing and ask you: why it took you so long, you just had to add a save button?

Yeah, asshole, adding a call-to-action style save button only took me 10 minutes, making it save your fucking data reliably took me a whole week.