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Wow this one deserves a rant. Where should I even begin? I got a new job for over half a year now doing work in an agency. We're building websites and online shops with Typo3 and Shopware (not my dream, but hey). All fine you might think BUT...
1) I have been working on the BIGGEST project we have all by myself since I started working at this company. No help, nobody cares.
2) If something goes wrong all the shit falls back to me like "wHy DiDnT yoU WoRk MoRE?". Seriously? How should one dev cover a project that's meant for at least two or three.
3) The project was planned four years ago (YES that's a big fat FOUR) and sat there for 3,5 years - nobody gave a fuck. I got into the company and immediately got the sucky shit project to work on.
4) I was promised some time to get familiar with the projects and tech we use and "pick something I like most to get started". Well that never happened.
5) I was also promised not to talk directly to our customers. Well, each week I was bombarded with insults, a shitload of work and nonsense by our customers because (you guessed it) I was obligated to attend meetings.
6) The scheduled time for a meeting was 30 minutes, sometimes they just went on for over two hours. Fml.
7) Project management. It does not exist. The company is just out to get more and more clients, hires more god damn managers and shit and completely neglects that we might need more devs to get all this crap finished. Nope, they don't care. By the way: this is not like a 200 employee company, it's more like 15 which makes it even sadder to have 4 managers and 3 devs.
8) We don't use trello (or anything to keep track of our "progress"), nobody knows the exact scope of the project, because it was planned FOUR FUCKING YEARS AGO.
9) They planned to use 3 months on this project to get it finished (by the way it's not just an online shop, it has a really sophisticated product configurator with like 20 dependencies). Well, we're double over that time period and it is still not finished.
10) FUCK YOU SHOPWARE
11) The clients are super unsatisfied with our service (who would have guessed). They never received official documents from us (that's why nobody knows the scope), nor did they receive the actual screen design of the shop so we just have to make it up on the go. Of course I mean "I" by "we", because appearently it is my job to develop, design and manage this shit show.
12) My boss regularly throws me in front of the bus by randomly joining meetings with my client telling them the complete opposite of things that we discussed internally (he doesn't know anything about this stupid project)
13) FUCK YOU COLLEAGUES, FUCK YOU COMPANY, FUCK YOU SHOPWARE AND FUCK YOU STUPID CUSTOMERS.
14) Oh btw. the salary sucks ass, it's barely a couple of bucks above minimum wage. Don't ask me why I accepted the offer. I guess it was better than nothing in the meantime.
Boy that feels good. I needed that rant. But hey don't get me wrong. I get that dev jobs can be hard and sucky, but this is beyond stupidity that I can bear. I therefore applied for a dev job in research at a university in my dream country. Nice colleagues, interesting projects, good project management. They accepted me, gave me a good offer and I can happily say that in 6-7 weeks my current company can go fuck themselves (nobody knows the 10.000+ lines of code but me). Just light it up and watch it burn!19 -
I would absolutely love it if people would write their own stupid code instead of blindly mixing everyone else's mental diarrhea together and pouring the resulting mess into their bloody stupid IDE. At least then I could insult them properly. As it is, they're outsourcing their fucking stupidity to the lowest fucking bidder and then bragging about how quickly they get everything done. And management eats it up! No wonder everything is a slow, tangled, unmaintanable mess.
I can't fix much of anything because almost none of it is in my control. It's all autogenerated bullshit glued together with laziness and poor taste. "But Root, why is fixing this taking so long?" Gee, I wonder why. Maybe if someone had built it somewhere in realm of correctly the first time, it wouldn't have all fallen apart when someone looked at it the wrong way!
Seriously, there's no way this pile of stale fertilizer could have passed QA.9 -
I told these people that this issue would happen. Did they listen? Nooo
It'll be fine, they say. We likely won't be having that much data returned to the front end, they say.
Day of the install. Web Application attempts to query 68,000 rows of data straight into the web page.
*Surprised Pikachu face* when they are consistently getting crashed browser tabs.
And now everything gets pushed back and we're behind by an entire month because they didn't heed my warnings.
Oh, and now I have to pick up after them, and do some stupid work arounds that will likely be defunct in a month or two. 🙄5 -
I watched today one of our devs working in Windows with a Docker Environment.
I think I'm pretty insensitive regarding pain, horror and morbid stuff.
But damn. I really needed to turn off the stream or else I'd walk to the company and rip his fucking workstation out of the server rack to put it out of his misery...
Errors? ignore them....
Weird python messages? Ignore them...
wild copy pasta between notepad++ containing shell commands and a git bash... Per mouse context. Yes. Move the cursor, mark the text, right click, copy, go to terminal, right click, paste.
Understanding of whats happening. Zero. Like literal zero.
He was wondering why there were strange characters when he pasted log output in a text file...
My question: How do you think colored text works in a terminal environment?
was answered by : "Don't know, never thought about it. But don't think this has something to do with the weird characters?"
I don't wanna talk about the rest.
Retarded humanity can please kindly kill itself so the intelligent above average nice people can live in peace...
The meeting was 2 hours. I drank 5 bottles of beer after it in1 hour and I'm please to announce I'm forgetting large parts of what has happened.
Cheers.8 -
Fix my depression
Learn C++ properly
Fix my life's future
Try to pick up a relationship which I've dropped out of stupidity again.6 -
Another case of "devs too stupid to poop" TM.
We had a funny discussion today.
Topic came up that a project using Lucene was incredibly slow.
Then came the yadda yadda of Java bad, Java sucks, Java bla Java blub in the gossip mill.
Both things irritated me, last thing was just the usual "I want to use new stuff cause I wanna be a cool jackass" trouble.
So. Today meeting. We did quick analysis by pair programming.
If I tell you that a whole team managed to review an PR, give it green light...
Despite the PR using the thread safe Lucene IndexWriter in a non-parallel fashion for large bulk inserts?
The whole problem screamed parallelization.
Yeah. If you ignore that scream and implement it in a sequential fashion, it is slow.
Congrats Jimmy, your retard level is off the charts. -
I AM TIRED
warning: this rant is going to be full of negativity , CAPS, and cursing.
People always think and they always write that programming is an analytical profession. IF YOU CANNOT THINK IN AN ANALYTICAL WAY THIS JOB IS NOT FOR YOU! But the reality could not be farther from the truth.
A LOT of people in this field whether they're technical people or otherwise, just lack any kind of reasoning or "ANALYTICAL" thinking skills. If anything, a lot of of them are delusional and/or they just care about looking COOL. "Because programming is like getting paid to solve puzzles" *insert stupid retarded laugh here*.
A lot of devs out there just read a book or two and read a Medium article by another wannabe, now think they're hot shit. They know what they're doing. They're the gods of "clean" and "modular" design and all companies should be in AWE of their skills paralleled only by those of deities!
Everyone out there and their Neanderthal ancestor from start-up founders to developers think they're the next Google/Amazon/Facebook/*insert fancy shitty tech company*.
Founder? THEY WANT TO MOVE FAST AND GET TO MARKET FAST WITH STUPID DEADLINES! even if it's not necessary. Why? BECAUSE YOU INFERIOR DEVELOPER HAVE NOT READ THE STUPID HOT PILE OF GARBAGE I READ ONLINE BY THE POEPLE I BLINDLY COPY! "IF YOU'RE NOT EMBARRASSED BY THE FIRST VERSION OF YOU APP, YOU DID SOMETHING WRONG" - someone at Amazon.
Well you delusional brainless piece of stupidity, YOU ARE NOT AMAZON. THE FIRST VERSION THAT THIS AMAZON FOUNDER IS EMBARRASSED ABOUT IS WHAT YOU JERK OFF TO AT NIGHT! IT IS WHAT YOU DREAM ABOUT HAVING!
And oh let's not forget the tech stacks that make absolutely no fucking sense and are just a pile of glue and abstraction levels on top of abstraction levels that are being used everywhere. Why? BECAUSE GOOGLE DOES IT THAT WAY DUH!! And when Google (or any other fancy shit company) changes it, the old shitty tech stack that by some miracle you got to work and everyone is writing in, is now all of a sudden OBSOLETE! IT IS OLD. NO ONE IS WRITING SHIT IN THAT ANYMORE!
And oh my god do I get a PTSD every time I hear a stupid fucker saying shit like "clean architecture" "clean shit" "best practice". Because I have yet to see someone whose sentences HAVE TO HAVE one of these words in them, that actually writes anything decent. They say this shit because of some garbage article they read online and in reality when you look at their code it is hot heap of horseshit after eating something rancid. NOTHING IS CLEAN ABOUT IT. NOTHING IS DONE RIGHT. AND OH GOD IF THAT PERSON WAS YOUR TECH MANAGER AND YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO THEM RUNNING THEIR SHITHOLE ABOUT HOW YOUR SIMPLE CODE IS "NOT CLEAN". And when you think that there might be a valid reason to why they're doing things that way, you get an answer of someone in an interview who's been asked about something they don't know, but they're trying to BS their way to sounding smart and knowledgable. 0 logic 0 reason 0 brain.
Let me give you a couple of examples from my unfortunate encounters in the land of the delusional.
I was working at this start up which is fairly successful and there was this guy responsible for developing the front-end of their website using ReactJS and they're using Redux (WHOSE SOLE PURPOSE IS TO ELIMINATE PASSING ATTRIBUTES FOR THE PURPOSE OF PASSING THEM DOWN THE COMPONENT HIERARCHY AGIAN). This guy kept ranting about their quality and their shit every single time we had a conversation about the code while I was getting to know everything. Also keep in mind he was the one who decided to use Redux. Low and behold there was this component which has THIRTY MOTHERFUCKING SEVEN PROPERTIES WHOSE SOLE PURPOSE IS BE PASSED DOWN AGAIN LIKE 3 TO 4 TIMES!.
This stupid shit kept telling me to write code in a "functional" style. AND ALL HE KNOWS ABOUT FUNCTIONAL PROGRAMMING IS USING MAP, FILTER, REDUCE! And says shit like "WE DONT NEED UNIT TESTS BECAUSE FUNCTIONAL PROGRAMMING HAS NO ERRORS!" Later on I found that he read a book about functional programming in JS and now he fucking thinks he knows what functional programming is! Oh I forgot to mention that the body of his "maps" is like 70 fucking lines of code!
Another fin-tech company I worked at had a quote from Machiavelli's The Prince on EACH FUCKING DESK:
"There is nothing more difficult to take in hand, more perilous to conduct, or more uncertain in its success, than to take the lead in the introduction of a new order of things."
MOTHERFUCKER! NEW ORDER OF THINGS? THERE 10 OTHER COMPANIES DOING THE SAME SHIT ALREADY!
And the one that got on my nerves as a space lover. Is a quote from Kennedy's speech about going to the moon in the 60s "We choose to go to the moon and do the hard things ..."
YOU FUCKING DELUSIONAL CUNT! YOU THINK BUILDING YOUR SHITTY COPY PASTED START UP IS COMPARABLE TO GOING TO THE MOON IN THE 60S?
I am just tired of all those fuckers.13 -
If you're a recruiter approaching people on linkedin then don't be a fucking idiot and waste their time, get to the fucking point damn it!
No one's interested in going back and forth with you over email especially when you have their number and could be done with it over a phonecall.3 -
Sometimes I think devs are like superheroes who are bored to death and just want to have the greatest world clusterfuck possible to be ... Amused.
Backstory: One project, fairly large (roughly 200 dependencies, a framework). I looked over the ticket backlog and a critical ticket title regarding the important framework caught my eye.
(Rephrased as title was gibberish)
Framework fork needed for supporting different versions of library X
...
Ok. They want to fork a whole fucking framework for a single library dependency.
😶
The framework that is the basis of like 30 - 40 % of all projects at our company.
😶
Maybe.. I just misunderstood it. (my hope dies several times a day, one more or less doesn't matter).
Ticker: Blablablablabla...
"to incorporate library X at version A and - for other projects - at version Y, we need to split the framework into two forks with different versions but same namespace."
🤮
Why. Just why. How the fuck can anyone come up with such an incredible stupidity?
After chewing some people's ears off....
It turned out to be very simple.
Just split off the library dependent part, which were like 20 plus classes.
Release it with two different versions, for library in version A and library B.
Done.
Sometimes devs terrify me.
Please. Never fork / branch a framework or anything "heavy" completely.
That's madness. Properly split what needs to be split and be done.
It's not that hard, hmkay?1 -
I had a half our discussion the other day with a projectmanager about the menu. He wanted to have both inpage anchor links as well as normal links in the main navigation. I found it completely stupid and didn’t get why you would want this. It’s totally unexpected behaviour from a users perspective and tried for 30 minutes to convince him of his stupidity.
Afterwards i gave in, sure, i’ll make it your stupid way. The actual pages that are there now won’t be visible anymore but if this is what you reallllllly want: sure.
Yesterday he came with a remark: the pages that used to be there can’t be reached anymore.
Always trust your developer -
From now on, if I'm gonna have to deal with emojis fucking everywhere, I opt to use them to best describe the two greatest diseases of the modern age:
Apple and google.
Anytime they make their products worse, or do something stupid the response should be
#shitapple
Or
#💩🍏
This sign, brothers, shall be our banner! our labarum against the forces of the corporacracy and mediocracy. and with it we will go forth and conquer!
Unite against the forces of stupidity. Our weapons will be humiliation, degradation and hobbyist projects like arts and crafts, freestyle poetry aka slander, and casual arson (actually dont do that last one).4 -
After months of trying to help someone by working late with them, teaching them all I could, showing them why a bug came up, i eventually got annoyed at the stupidity and asked them to "engage their brain". It doesn't seem big but I imagine how they must have felt.4
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Been 6 months at this one company and still don't have a good grasp on many things, I'm also almost absolutely useless in oncall and always loop in someone else, it's like my brain just afks.
I'm sure everyone has that one dumb Dev on their team, guess it's me this time, I can sense the annoyance from my teammates by my stupidity so far, there's just so much to learn about domains and specific things that only come up when things break, idk how to gain proper knowledge without someone babysitting me and Its shit for someone to do that (I'm not a junior Dev)14 -
"Worst drunk coding experience?"
My alcohol tolerance is very low. So, every stupid attempt of my coding in such a state is the worst experience.
There's this pulsing feeling in my skull every 10 seconds blocking my attention.
And there's an increased chance of mistyping commands.
One time, for some reason, I kept "pulling" the git commits when I actually wanted to "push" them. I spent a lot of time finding out why the f*<k GitLab is not showing my new commits in my PR before realizing my sheer stupidity.
And it takes me only one 3.5dl can of low alcohol content (like 3% abv) drink to relive these experiences. WTF. -
TIL RVM and I are on different assumptions. I'm talking about RVM allowing unbound variables in its scripts.
I don't because I literally have run "rm -rf /" on my Mac because of an unbound variable in the past. So, when I write a shell script, the second line is always "set -eu."
And because RVM allows unbound variables, this line crashes RVM.
Then for some stupidity on my part, I looked into GitHub for its codebase first to get even more clueless about the issue before finally googling to see if anyone had experienced the same problem 🤦1
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