* Selects text to copy *
* Ctrl + C to copy *
* Selects text to be replaced with copied text *
* Ctrl + C again instead of Ctrl + V *

Instant rage.

"Are you running android?"
"No Samsung"
"So your OS is android"
"No Samsung"

FUUUCK! AAARRRGGGHH!
My colleague just typed 20/20 in a calculator😨 and he didn't believe me when I insisted that it was 1😭

The worst career choice I ever made was walking away from a six figure salary software development job with benefits to focus on the small startup I co-founded just a few years earlier. My wife and I had two small children at the time and my wife was also nearly 8 months pregnant with our third. It resulted in an approximate 70% reduction in income, prematurely cashed out 401k and loss of existing health insurance.

To be fair, it was also simultaneously the best career choice I ever made. Three years later I make more now than I originally walked away from. The raw roads of stress, anger, fear and complete uncertainty have aged both me and my wife at an accelerated rate but we have grown closer to each other than we would otherwise be. We have relied on each other, and she has been unbelievably supportive with all the late nights and required traveling. We discovered what we are capable of. In one day it will be October. In one day it will be the month that we finally pay off our last batch of credit card debt that resulted from that career choice.

I cannot recommend following in our footsteps as from where I’m sitting there are much better, more calculated ways of going about it. Logically, what we did was beyond stupid. Luckily for us, we were still young enough to not grasp the full magnitude of stupidity and we also refused to fail. It’s also crucial to have stellar business partners who are just as crazy and just as determined. We have all labored tremendously and we have each played critical roles in our success. The hard times of fear and uncertainty aren’t over. I don’t think they will ever be, to be honest. But, it sure has been one hell of a ride. I wouldn’t change a thing.

A: Artificial Intelligence will beat everything but one.
B: Whats that?
A: Natural Stupidity. 🤣🤣

A couple of years ago, I was working in a computer shop as a "technician", I was 15, first job I ever had.
One day an elderly lady came into the shop, probably 50'ish, she and her whole family "suffered" from electromagnetic radiation, and the mother had the worst suffering. She complained about her TV box that just had died.

I accept the tuner and see it's wrapped with 10 layers of aluminium foil, with a tiny hole for the IR receiver.

The whole box smells like burnt electronics, and the foil gets darker for each layer I unwrap. I try explain to her that the box gets warm and overheated by wrapping it like this, and she's lucky that it didn't catch fire.

I further explain to her that she will not get a new box, because the warranty does not cover _this_. The mother tells me she has to wrap it like this, because she gets headaches when she's watching the news.

She then proceeds to go into a rage mode and gets her whole family into the shop, where all of them starts yelling at me, the younger kids start throwing stuff down from the shelves and touching the TVs with sticky fingers (literally, sticky, like yuck!).

Unsure what to do, boss is in a meeting, and my colleague is busy in the back.

So I calmly tell them that in this building there's 4 wireless networks, 3 wireless phones, high voltage cables run in the wall behind me, there's factory tracks 20 meters behind the building, next door business is an electrician, you're standing in front of wall with 30-40 TVs, 5 HDMI splitters, 3 TV boxes and a Blu-ray player. And they've all been standing in front of them for the last 10 minutes.

They all suddenly feel really sick and run out of the store, never to be seen again. From that day, I decided I'll never work in a shop again, and pursued my dreams to become a developer.

TL;DR: Family is "sensitive" to electromagnetic radiation, almost put burnt down their house because of stupidity, yelled at me. I decided to pursue my dream as a developer.

When someone beats the level of stupidity you thought was possible.

No, when you request a Let's Encrypt certificate, you DON'T fill in YOUR OWN NAME in the "Common Name" field 🤦

Also, it explains right next to the fucking field that non-experienced users SHOULDN'T ALTER THE FUCKING VALUE.

😷

"could I get admin privileges to reboot this server?"

Sounds valid enough, right?

OH YEAH SURE, YOU'RE A TINY USER ON A HUGE ASS SHARED SERVER, OF COURSE I'LL GIVE YOU ROOT ACCESS TO REBOOT THE WHOLE FUCKING SERVER.

Worst part, he didn't understand why that would be weird.

Can I buy a little common sense somewhere for this guy?

Anyone is coming to kill me or should I suicide by chocking myself from a table fan?

Me : I'm having a pretty bad headache.

Boss : Stop acting like a girl and get back to work.

Me: It's a migraine headache.

Boss: Ohh!! You know it's just in your head stop being a pussy. Don't think about the headache, and you won't feel any pain.

Me(in my head) : You fucking idiot you are partially correct it's in my head. But the pain won't stop if I stop thinking about it.

*Why the fuck does no one understand a neurological disease. If i'm not physically hurt, it doesn't mean i'm not in pain*

Fucking ignorant bastards.

When you are resetting your password and the website emails you your current password in plaintext. 🤦

When your -non programmer- friends ask you to build an mmo for them..

IT'S NOT THAT SIMPLE!

And they don't understand 😤

What a fucking piece of shit salary increase for a goddamn promotion. Not even a 10% increase for all the stupidity I had to deal with in this delusional company of power-tripping "innovators", traitors, and naive juniors who act like Steve Jobs and imitate his asshole attitude just because they stand out in a crowd of airheads. This office is really starting to look like North Korea. Caged, ambitious, and brainwashed retards sheltered enough to believe they can take over the world and end up nuking themselves. Look at them so proud of their innovation. Get a load of that intranet. This styrofoam orange sure is delicious. Wow, you are the most advanced civilization in the world.

The cream of the crap of these sub-humans, of course, is that the ungrateful junior I built up and defended from my manager started making it a hobby of destroying me in hopes of making himself look like a more capable leader. Funny how all this shit went down when I was on vacation and wasn't there to defend myself. Yes, if you're reading this since you're a fucking passive-aggressive stalker anyway, you're an ungrateful, achievement-starved rat who earns minimum wage. A desperate, low value, delusional piece of shit yearning for power and ego boost. You barely earn my entry-level salary when I was a junior six years ago. You can't even import JAR files to a project in the goddamn IDE. If you want to be the king of this sewer, here you fucking go. Everyone wants all my garbage. To peasants, it's all treasure.

We don't care about the "talk" you had in your College or the mediocre thing that your Google keywords helped you develop and looked amazing in the eyes of your colleagues who should have been filtered out by Darwin anyway.

This is the last straw. I'm leaving the fuck out of here as soon as I get a new job. Not a day goes by that I had to resist the urge to fold my laptop and crush someone's skull with it. I don't give a fuck about the warranty. I don't give a fuck about this job anymore. I don't want another mind-numbing smalltalk with the doomed. You don't deserve my loyalty, fucking traitors.

Go ahead, dominate, be the king of morons. I'll be sick for the rest of the week, bitches.

The sheer stupidity of so many Apple supporters is so fucking annoying. I'm not saying everyone that uses Apple is stupid, but I've heard so many fucking people say "Android is awful because it doesn't have iMessage." NO SHIT IT DOESN'T HAVE IMESSAGE, BECAUSE APPLE WANTS TO MAKE IT SUPER FUCKING COMPLICATED TO TALK TO ANYONE THAT DOESN'T USE APPLE. When an iPhone sends a regular SMS message, they revoke all features that Android phones could use for that message (read receipts, using Wi-Fi for SMS, etc...) because Apple doesn't fucking care about anyone that doesn't use Apple. Fuck making their own users' lives easier, the person they are talking to doesn't support Apple!!

Apple, fuck yourself with a chainsaw. And no, not gently.

Doot doot.

My day: Eight lines of refactoring around a 10-character fix for a minor production issue. Some tests. Lots of bloody phone calls and conference calls filled with me laughing and getting talked over. Why? Read on.

My boss's day: Trying very very hard to pin random shit on me (and failing because I'm awesome and fuck him). Six hours of drama and freaking out and chewing and yelling that the whole system is broken because of that minor issue. No reading, lots of misunderstanding, lots of panic. Three-way called me specifically to bitch out another coworker in front of me. (Coworker wasn't really in the wrong.) Called a contractor to his house for testing. Finally learned that everything works perfectly in QA (duh, I fixed it hours ago). Desperately waited for me to push to prod. Didn't care enough to do production tests afterwards.

My day afterwards: hey, this Cloudinary transform feature sounds fun! Oh look, I'm done already. Boo. Ask boss for update. Tests still aren't finished. Okay, whatever. Time for bed.

what a joke.

Oh, I talked to the accountant after all of this bullshit happened. Apparently everyone that has quit in the last six years has done so specifically because of the boss. Every. single. person.

I told him it was going to happen again.

I also told him the boss is a druggie with a taste for psychedelics. (It came up in conversation. Absolutely true, too.) It's hilarious because the company lawyer is the accountant's brother.

So stupid.

“Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity”

Heard it on the radio the other day

If you haven't ever felt stupid programming you are doing it wrong!

I fucked up again.

Someone needed a flashdrive for a presentation. Forgot that I keep personal code on on of them for backups (it's always nice when there is no reception to have an offline copy of my code, for instance when we go out into the bush or to remote areas).

I gave them my flashdrive. Forgot it had the code on.

Now someone at head office has taken my program, claimed it as their own - and has just earned themselves a decent amount of money (praised in the monthly company newsletter).

My program has been stolen (by my own stupidity) and butchered. It has been made into something that it was never intended to be.

Fuck that guy.

I can't express my rage, just wanted to share this

I swear watching the dumb kids in my CS class programming and asking me why it's not working and blaming the computer is like, you know that toy every kindergarten had where you put the shapes in its hole in a box,yeah it's like watching them trying to RAM A FUCKING SQUARE INTO THE DAMN CIRCLE! 😤

!dev

I can't believe the stupidity/paranoia at my workplace! I take my own keyboard with me to work, because I really hate typing on rubberdomes (personal preference).

I built myself a keyboard and programmed it with so I can access characters for programming easier and it made my typing a lot better.
"But oh no! It connects via USB!", thought some random manager today, as they walked past my desk. "This cannot be allowed, there has to be a company policy against it!"
Sadly, I was on the toilet when this happened and I only heard this from my colleagues. I anticipated someone saying this, but it's just typical for my bad luck that it would happen in my absence. Yes, security is necessary and important, but my company just goes completely crazy in some points. There is a huge paranoia concerning everything USB. You can only use USB-Sticks that were bought by the company and almost nobody has one. I can understand it, but sometimes it is just annoying...

The problem is, that people can't differentiate between USB-Sticks and keyboards. Everything that connects via USB is evil.
But as is said, I was prepared. I talked to the company security about what would be necessary for me to use my own private keyboard at my workplace. They told me, that this would not be an issue, but if I want to ever take the keyboard home again, I would have to fill out a form every six weeks, because otherwise I wouldn't be able to proof, that the keyboard wasn't company property (just look at the picture, as if they would ever buy such a keyboard, especially with the obviously badly handmade wooden case). I agreed, and did exactly that from that point onwards.
Now THAT manager talked to MY manager (who is absolutely fine with me using my keyboard, although he thinks it is strange). Now I had to request at the department for information security (because company security obviously isn't enough), whether me using my own keyboard is okay.

My manager asked me to make the request a little broader, to ensure any future use of USB-non-storage devices is okay. Did that and am now awaiting an answer, that I will hopefully receive on monday...

No, I can't implement a "pixel-perfect responsive design".

As part of my internship, I worked in the IT dept of a big elevator company. The company mostly has designers (brickscad) and sellers (apart from the workers with which I had nothing to do).
So here I am 18y.o. getting my first iTop ticket which said "Network doesn't work, I can't do my job"
So I'm thinking I should call the guy and go through the standards.
Guy: Yes?
Me: Hello, I'm from the IT dept and I am assigned to your problem so how about we go through it?
Guy: Yea yea, come over already I can't do my fucking job! This piece of shit computer always giving me shit like I told you a month ago.
Me: I wouldn't know sir, I started working here this month so it must've been someone else from the dept.
Guy: No it was you, I remember your voice.
Me: But sir, I wasn't working here last month. Please, can we go over your issue?
Guy whispering: Great I got the fucking new guy!
Guy: Ok my issue is, I have no fucking network connection and without that I can't do fucking job now can I?
Me trying to stay calm: Ok sir, do you see the computer icon in the bottom right corner of the screen? Does it have a red 'X' on it?
Guy: Yea it does. It means I have no network connection.
Me: You're right sir, it appears that for some reason you have no connection. Is the ethernet plugged in the second port? The one at the bottom of your tower?
Guy: Yea it is, what do you take me for? A fucking amateur? I'm in this company 13 years now!
Me: Ok sir, I'm sorry but you have to check just to make sure.
Guy exhales: Ok new guy I'll hummor you.
Guy after a while: You IT people always think you know it all! It's as I said! The ethernet cable is in the top port.
Me: But.... sir... The ethernet must be in the bottom one for the network to work.
He proceeds to hand up on me.
iTop-->Ticket #5647---> Right click--->Mark as resolved----> Solution: he stopped being a blind stupid piece of trash.---> Send.

After a couple of minutes The system admin bursts into uncontrollable laughter.

Disclaimer: non dev related.

So I went to a festival today. What is the most stupid question you can ask at a festival?
And the winner is
And the winner is...

'why are you sweating?'

THE WHAT? ARE YOU FUCKING RETARDED?!?
DETAIL ONE: I'M AT A FUCKING FESTIVAL
DETAIL TWO: I'M DANCING MY ASS OFF
DETAIL TWO: EVERYONE IS MOTHERFUCKING FUCKING FUUUUUCK DANCING.

Mother of god, stupidity knows no fucking boundries 😲

Be quite, I'm an engineer - he said...

I am an Artist at heart, a Tester by profession and I belong to a business family.

Hence, whenever I see poor design, broken functionality or bad business decision which ruins a users' experience, I get pissed off.

It makes me very very angry to see how naive the creator would be to miss out on basic things.

Even worse, when notified, cock suckers don't care enough to fix their mistakes.

Why are we so incompetent as a human race? Or is there any real rationale behind such outcomes?

Ladies and gentlemen, today I found a vertically aligned Signup and Login button.

Why is this even tolerated?

You might see more such screenshots and posts from me. Because I fucking cannot ignore this stupidity.

Boss: Every one of my employees is underperforming. What should I do?
Catbert: You should fire yourself because you're the only common variable.
Boss: I hadn't considered that.
Catbert: That's how I know I'm right.

...credit~ dilbert.com

Friend of mine killed his MacBook with some Softdrink.

Just poured it all over his poor a1502.

He let it dry for a few days, it starts to work again.
Except the battery.

Goes on Amazon and buys a new battery.

New battery doesn't work either and so he tells me about it and I as stupid as I am couldn't resist the temptation to finally work on a MacBook like my "hero" Lois Rossmann does.

So turns out the board is good.
Cleaned it up and basically nothing happened to it.

So what's the deal with "los batlerias"?

The first got hit by liquid, the second had a broken connection to a cell.
That could have happened through my friend, installing it without testing it first, or at the seller, so it being a DOA battery.

Now away from the stupidity of my friend and the situation to the actual source for this rant.

Once something happens to a modern Managed battery, the Battery Management System (BMS) disconnects the voltage from the system and goes into an error state, staying there and not powering anything ever again.
For noobs, it's dead. Buy a new one.

But It can be reset, depending you know how to, and which passwords were set at the factory.
Yes, the common Texas instruments BQ20Zxx chips have default passwords, and apple seems to leav them at default.

The Usb to SMBus adaptors arrived a few days ago and I went to prod the BMS.

There is a very nice available for Windows called BE2works, that I used the demo of to go in and figure out stuff. The full version supports password cracking, the demo not.

After some time figuring out how Smart Battery Systems (SBS) "API" works, I got to actually enter the passwords into the battery to try get into manufacturer and full access mode.

Just to realise, they don't unlock the BMS.

So, to conclude, my friend bought a "new" battery that was most likely cut out of a used / dead macbook, which reports 3000mah as fully charged instead of the 6xxx mah that it should have, with 0 cycles and 0hours used.
And non default access.

This screams after those motherfuckers scaming the shit out of people on Amazon, with refurb, reset, and locked fucken batteries.

I could kill those people right now.

Last but not least,
My friend theoretically can't send it back because I opened the battery to fix the broken connection.
Though maybe, it'll get send back anyway, with some suprise in the package.

Today is deadline day. So my Project lead decided to remove a key column because "it wasn't necesary".

He didn't tell anyone about the change and no commit message explaining it.

When confronted by the whole Team about his stupidity. His excuse Was: "I didn't know we had a deadline".

Holy badger fucking horsecum guzzling excuse of a potheaded flat earther!!!

I just got this message, until now I thought these pictures are fake.
Looks like I have to start this app, if i want to be ready in time 😄
Human stupidity is an infinite loop...

Some discounts are just so superb they need none.....

There is code reuse and then there is stupidity. This npm module has 4 dependents and 2 dependencies.

When you've created a small little program to test out a new language you're learning and you're​ really proud of it 🤗 then show it to your -non programmer- friends and they're like,that's shit wtf is the point in that you're an awful coder...

YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!!! 😫😭

The people of the 22nd century will be laughing at us, our stupidity, and our technology today.

Product manager: build us a recently viewed and bookmark feature!

Younger-Me: But every browser already has a bookmark feature and a recently viewed (history) feature and its much better implemented with much less overhead.

Product manager: I don't care. Give me this feature, you are supposed to do as i say and bow.

Younger-Me: I'll take it as a challenge.

--- two weeks after feature is deployed ---

Product Manager: 😁 See! Many users are using the feature we built *shows me messages from subscribed customers*

Me: 😨 I'll never underestimate user's stupidity again.

Recovering a legacy Gmail account after receiving a notice of a blocked login.

*Tries to remember the bloody password*
*Actually remembers it*

> Sorry your password isn't enough. Your father's phone number that you used a decade ago can be used for verification though!

Google, let's get this straight. Things have changed. I know the fucking phone number and yes I can enter it, and out of sheer stupidity I did send an authentication code his way. Unfortunately however, things have changed in 10 years. I can instantly kill the fucker on the spot if I were to meet him ever again. Do you think that I'm going to get that fucking code?!

> Oh but you can try to email the code to the very account that you're trying to recover, despite the fact that you know the password for it.

TO THE FUCKING SAME ACCOUNT THAT I'M RECOVERING.

Must've taken a true genius to code that in!!!

I believe that sometimes my IDE should tell me : FuckingRetardException : Man, wtf are you doing. Go fuck yourself

😂😂😂

My girlfriend thinks I can hack her laptop if I know it's IP address.

I just discovered that you can tap the title of devRant app to load new rants instead of just scrolling to the beginning to make a pull to refresh :( FML

Sometimes I wish my colleagues could see the veins in my temple pulsing when they make dumb suggestions

1. Let’s switch to AWS because I read some propaganda somewhere that it’s good so blindly just picking up a corporate solution will be good for our company and solve all of our problems that I actually don’t know anything about.
2. Let’s switch our company email to google apps because I read some propaganda somewhere that it’s good so just blindly picking up a corporate solution will be good for our company and solve all of our problems that I actually don’t know anything about.
3. Etc.

And I hate it when people do stupid things, I.e. when we’re on a business trip and the driver of the car runs a red light so we can get to the next red light five seconds quicker while everyone we just passed catches up to us. What the damn hell is the matter with you? Slow down, buckle up, chill out, and walk me through some meditation exercises because if my blood pressure gets any higher I’m going to strangle you for your stupidity.

I'm going to make 4 statements of which only 3 are true. You tell me in the comments which 3 are true.

1. At my job in the marketing department, I manage our Facebook ads campaign where we spend hundreds of thousands of dollars in advertising.

2. MIS department inexplicably blocked the marketing dept from the Facebook domain altogether near the end of the day.

3. They also block Dropbox although we still have to manage all the distribution of digital video and commercials to our tv advertisers.

4. I work in a technically progressive environment that understands how things work online.

Yesterday my father called me and asked if I'd have a look at his website to exchange his logo with a new one and make some string changes in the backend. Well, of course I did and hell am I glad I did it.
He had that page made a few years ago by some cousin of a friend who "is really good with computers", it's a small web shop for car parts and, as usual costumer accounts. Costumer Accounts with payment infos.
Now I've seen a lot of bad practices when it comes to handling passwords and I've surely done a few questionable things myself but this idiot took the cake. When a new account was registered his php script would read the login page, look for a specific comment and add a string "'account; password'," below into to a js array. In clear text. On the website. One doesn't even have to breach the db, it's just there, F12 and you got all the log ins.

Seriously, we really need a licensing system for devs, those were two or three years this shit was live, 53 accounts... Now I've gotta decipher this entire bowl of spaghetti just to see if he has done any more unspeakable things.

Internal support article to get access to a tool:

"To get access click 'NO' in the 'was this article helpful section' and open a support ticket, making sure to mention the tool you are looking to get access to"

What fucking fresh hell is this? Why not have the article, contain the fucking link to open the ticket.

You have intentionally put up a useless article, in order to hack your way around this stupid system.

I didn't actually realize anyone could be this dumb. Sure, I'd heard stories, but I wasn't sure that I'd ever come across this level of stupidity in the wild. I was moving email across hosting accounts for someone, and I asked them to please navigate to a certain domain. Then they asked what navigate meant, so I told them to please type it into the URL bar. They said "OK." 5 seconds later, they said, "Which one do I click on?" They googled the url. So I asked them to please type it into the URL BAR. Then they asked what that was.

...like what? I just told you this yesterday. How fast does information fall out of your head? Do you forget where your toilet is when you wake up every morning? How do these people even function in society?

-_-

I am DONE with this woman CONTINUED!

I didn't think I'd have to put another rant about this stupidity at least not this soon but she just keeps on giving!

I have my noise canceling headphones on most of the time and when I want to hear the people around, I just put the right earcup of it to the side of my ear so the music pauses. Today we had a huge disrupt on our services because of a network switch error on the hub. I was also trying to focus on my coding as I didn't wanna do a stupid mistake on the last working day and be sorry about it in the next week.

So this woman sneaks up on me from behind calling my name - meaning she has a question, surprise! -, I say 'yes' moving my head to her side ever so slightly without getting my eyes off of my screen stating subtly that I'm also listening to her while trying to focus on my shit. She starts yelling at me 'look at me!' out of nowhere! I turn my head and ask what the problem is and she asks why I'm not looking at her face! Stupid moron, I might not be too good in understanding your way of communication but you are the one asking so you WILL wait if you'd like to hear answers.

I say I'm working on something and her answer is again 'Why aren't you looking at my face it's going to be quick bla bla did we do this like that?' and I answered I didn't remember because there's no way I'd ever remember without looking further and it was no lie.

This woman clearly has stability issues and everyone else seem to be tolerating it. It's now obvious as I'm not tolerating the nonsense I'll be the one that 'she only has ever had a problem with'.

I was quick to de escalate the situation but now I'm thinking maybe I should've responded in a way that she could understand. I wouldn't ever give a shit about it but this is getting ridiculous.

So we outsourced a system.
It was the most stupid thing we could've done.
It's my job to make it fucking work.

In web technologies lab.

Friend copied some php code from some website and saved it.
Tries to run it and it just prints whatever he wrote.
After thinking for like half an hour he calls me.

Friend: hey u know php right? Why my code is not running?

I check the code in the editor and everything looks fine except he saved his php code with an extension .txt 😑 😑

STUPID INCOMPETENT DUMB FUCK MOTHERFUCKING CUSTOMERS!!!!

NO MATTER HOW USER FRIENDLY THE USER INTERFACE IS DESIGNED, YOU'RE STILL INCOMPETENT TO USE IT.

GO FUCK YOURSELVES

FUUUUUUCCCCCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Opening somebody else's code(11000+ lines in 2 js files) only to find a 100+ "var a" declarations and naming conventions like var chart1, var chart2. Best part? Not a single comment. Even better? The one who wrote the code doesn't remember what does what.

I'm currently rewriting perfectly clean and functioning Scala code in Java (because "Enterprise", yay). The amount of unnecessary boilerplate I have to add is insane. I'm not even talking big complicated code but two liners or the lack of simple things like a range from 5 to 10.

Why do I have to write
List<Position> occupiedPositions = placedEntities.stream()
.flatMap((pe) -> pe.occupiedPositions().stream())
.collect(Collectors.toList());
instead of simply
val occupiedPositions = placedEntities.flatMap(_.occupiedPositions)

Why on earth does `occupiedPositions.distinct` suddenly become a monstrosity like `occupiedPositions.stream().distinct().collect(Collectors.toList())` where the majority of code is pure boilerplate? And this is supposed to be the new and better Java8 api which people use as evidence that Java is now suddenly "functional" (yeah no, just no).

Why do APIs that annotate parameters with @Nullable throw NullPointerExceptions when I pass a null? Why does the compiler not help prevent such stupidity? Why do we use static typing PLUS those annotations and it still crashes at runtime like every damn dynamic, interpreted language out there? That's not unfortunate, it's a complete waste of time.

Why is a simple idea like a range from x to 10 (in scala literally `x to 10`) not by default included in Java? There's Guava's version of Range which does not have a helper for integer ranges (even though they are the most used ones). Then there's apache.commons version which _has_ a helper for integers, but is strangely not iterable (wtf I don't even...).

Speaking of Iterable: How difficult could it be to convert an abstract Iterable<T> into a concrete List<T>? In scala it's surprisingly `someIterable.toList`. I found nothing like that so I took to stackoverflow where I found a thread in which people suggested everything from writing your own ListUtils helper class, using Guava (which is a huge dependency!) to using the new Java8 features inline (which is still about three lines long). I didn't know this was such a hard problem in computer science, TIL.

How anyone can be productive in this abomination of a language is beyond me now, even though I've used it for many years while learning to code (back then I didn't know there were much better ways to do things). The only good part is that I have to endure this nonsense for only about 3 days longer then I'm free again!

> Builds CLI tool to generate app security tokens
> immediately leaks first set of tokens in public commit

I astound myself with own stupidity sometimes.

When refactoring your own code makes your past self feel stupid.

So it happens that yesterday I stayed all night to install some Meraki antennas. "Installed, configured and tested sucessfully!"
This morning i was a approached by a user asking me why his iPhone is not connecting on sight. I explain the antenna thing and he asks me AGAIN, WHY isn't auto connection since its the SAME INTERNET... I try to go through the basics with no success. He shows how disappointed he is with my stupidity.
Then he asks where i got my diploma so he can make sure never to send his sons there, since i cant tell the difference of an internet provider and antennas who just distribute the internet signal. WELL, living and learning.
WTF was i thinking, hes right! OMG my whole life i believed we had to set up routers and all sort of hardware.
All i had to do is call to the Providers Call-centers, im sure they have PROPER ENGINEERS THERE!

Cpanel and plesk is just two newly invented words that means the following:
Anger
Insecurity
Hate
Stupidity
Virtual AIDS
"I am pretending to be a sysadmin"

Do you want to really annoy the hell out of someone?

Prerequisites:

1. JIRA account for you
2. JIRA account for the victim
3. JIRA app on victim's phone

Instructions below:

1. Create a ticket and assign / add victim as watcher.
2. Open your favorite IDE or editor with any of your favorite projects with lots of files with minimal sizes.
3. Drag the folder and drop into JIRA ticket window.
4. Enjoy 😎

Don't ask me how I figured this out 😁

Today the CEO asked us to create KPIs to follow a junior tasks, daily.
The problem it's he wants KPIs to foretell problems or delays in his tasks.

The junior is analyzing 14 years old C++ code, made by an electrical engineer who had all worsts practices possible when coding.

We explained that we couldn't make real, true KPI that would foretell the advancement due to complexity of the legacy and the fact that the junior had NEVER USED C++.

SO.... He asked to know how many code lines he made daily and an estimate of how many lines he'll have to do to complete the task.... So he could foretell advancement.

....
....

It was the 5th time in less than 60 days, that the CEO bypass totally the CTO to ask some stupid useless shit. So now all developpers have resign, complaining about the CEO actions/stupidity.

Received a call from client complaining about stupidity of google analytics. He could not get pass Terms and Conditions page. Saying "I agree" button is faded away and can not be clicked.

He just needed to scroll the page down.

What happened to people nowdays?

So... Some fake accounts on Twitter claimed to be Elon Musk and to give shitloads of Bitcoin to those who sent a little amount first. They stole... Wait for it... 180 grand.

That's basically your everyday 419 scam. Existing since before the internet, done with the names of Gates, Buffet, Bush, Obama...

They say "the big bad evil criminals and the poor little innocent victims" I say natural selection. Sorry, in those lion vs gazelle scenarios I always thought that it was fair, no matter how it went.

Just when did humanity get so brainless? Have we always been, is the internet just a catalyst for stupidity?

Just why the fuck must I be an infosec sheepdog instead of a wolf? Man, I could live the life, drink beer and smoke herb while working... Get up at 12, don't give a shit, no boss, no taxes, no social security payments that I don't see jack shit from, and the pay would be better to.

Damn.

Oh the irony: one of the e-banks I use, forces users to type their passwords via virtual on screen keyboard (javascript based!!!) due to security 'standards' yet in the same breath doesn't allow a user to use any other character for password besides the basic alfanum.. o.O fml

You wanted to hear more about my "glorious" teacher. I deliver. So get a cup of tea, take a seat and prepare for insanity.
As I already told in a comment my programming teacher is one special snowflake who lives in his personal bubble. We have final exams in less than a month and he spents at least half a lesson talking about vanishing bees and missing plants from his garden. Other topics he likes to talk about (and tries to turn every freaking conversation into at least one of these):
1. Other students and their stupidity
2. Diesel scandal
3. His sick wife
4. "Why does noone read newspapers anymore?"
5. Why he can't teach Java but really really really wants to and everyone hates him and forces him to do C#.

Even if I try to interrupt him he'll go on until he thinks we gained some "common knowledge" - this is how he justifies these topics.

Everytime he introduced us to a new command he compared it to Java and sometimes he even falsely corrects code because he confuses them.
We are only 6 people including me (another story for another time) and he is not able to help everyone during a 90min lesson. He normally sticks with one person for at least one hour and just talks to them or even do their tasks. This is really annoying if you have a simple question. He won't answer you until he's finished whatever he's doing.

Most of the time he doesn't seem to understand what he's talking about/trying to teach us. He's muttering statements from our textbook to himself switching halfway through to another sentence while drawing not decipherable shit on the blackboard.

Another gem are his "guidelines" for classtests. We are allowed to use any command we know. Except the ones we learned not in class. And the ones he doesn't like. And the ones he doesn't want to exist. And of course not the ones which make you're life easier. So basically we are bound to use his favourite commands or we won't get a good grade. Example: use an array. List is not allowed. Never.
He has some weird fetish with arrays.

I once presented him perfectly fine code I wrote in my freetime and asked what some warnings meant. (Was because of different Visual studio versions as I learned later.) He scolded me for using things he didn't taught us yet and ranted about how I'm pressuring him into rushing these things now - I never wanted to show this to my classmates nor was this anything else than a project for fun and learning something new. (FYI the "new stuff" where classes and objects because i was tired of kilometers of spaghetti code). His rant went on a good 20minutes and - obviously - he didn't answer my question. I asked my fiance that evening and he explained it to me.
This should it be for this time. I'm sure I have more stories to tell for another time!
Thank you for reading. ^^

SWIFT!!!!! I understand that you're a relatively new language so I forgave you for all of your wrong doings..BUT WHAT THE FINGER IS THIS SHIT YOU HAVE IMPLEMENTED IN YOUR STRING DATATYPE? WHY THE FUCK CAN'T YOU FORM A CHARACTER FROM AN EMPTY STRING? AND WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK HAPPENED TO THE SUBSCRIPT OPERATOR? WHY NOT JUST ADOPT THE "\0" AS OTHER LANGUAGES? But NOOOOO...We're Apple we'll not adopt it..I WAS UNDER THE IMPRESSION THAT STUPIDITY AND LUCK OF INNOVATION RAN IN THE IPHONE TEAM BUT APPARENTLY ITS EVERYWHERE..Its annoying because the String datatype is one of the most common and basic data types so the last thing you expect is this shit..APPLE........SERIOUSLY AND SINCERELY FUCK OFF

Colleagues talking among themselves about gods, form of higher power, etc.

Colleague 1: *to colleague 2* So you believe in superhumans?

Colleague 2: I believe in God.

Colleague 1: *to me* What about you?

Me: Yeah. Superhumans exist. I have to deal with them everyday. Because stupidity levels that high aren't practically possible in normal humans.

Not really a rant but my biggest fuckup that entirely ruined my IT career and future life

> be me 21yo CS student looking for an internship
> looking for help with my friend and sent him my CV to apply to a big corp
> then I lied that I have sent CV to official email {here the fuck up begins}
> after that I got an instant phone call from a friend of him claiming that the CV was sent properly and I am going to visit a company
> I had a review but it was recorded my CV hasn't got precisely specified technologies so interviewer thought I can manage to work as a dev not an intern
> with my shitty communication skills I managed to "work" there 8days, fucked up someone's computer by deleting his Windows and all data he had and installing Ubuntu instead
> then shit got out of control for an intern I talked a lot of bullshit in this Corp they realized I was there an "alien" and I didn't even know what to do so I wanted to sudo rm - rf myself
> unfortunately my parents woke up that morning I decided to sudo rm - rf and and I am now in mental asylum with fucked up people and the Corp knows where am I and I am going to pay for my stupidity and being naive (I didn't even seen the CEO, I didn't have enough information that I really worked there)
> To sum up, being bipolar, naive and irresponsible has brought me to this point in life. Thank you for reading. I don't see a solution, my parents don't believe me and I feel isolated with this fuckup so I decided to share it as a remark for young people starting in IT. For me it already ended too fast.

OH MY GOD DID I JUST HEAR A .ai DOMAIN ON THE RADIO?!

this can’t be happening.

It’s such a buzzword that someone spent the millions required to get the tld ALREADY.

sudo save planet —from stupidity

Oh my fucking god I deserve to be shot for my stupidity.
I spent an hour in absolute fear trying to figure out what was wrong with my PC - it would boot but the monitor wouldn't show anything.

I'd forgotten that I'd changed to monitor to show HDMI input - but I was using a HDMI-to-VGA converter so the monitor should have been set to VGA input :/

Back in College, I knew guys who when asked for Github profiles for an interview, signed up for Github and submitted their profile links.
Genius!
#BackInCollegeSeries

Found an issue where my double click event was not functioning correctly, so I added a break point and then it diddnt work at all... its taken me an hour to realise that if I breakpoint the click event, of course I'm never going to fire the double click event...

I hate it....

So this PR company hired my firm to convert their client's Wix website to WordPress to have better control over content and SEO, not to mention get away from the piss-poor "absolute position everything" setup of Wix. This is a single page design. 2 days later, we deliver it, performing faster than Wix and with a few extra goodies on the UI.

The client's director of IT wants to stay on Wix, because it's "the most secure provider", and will only move their ONE PAGE INFORMATIONAL WEBSITE to another platform and host if they answer a 133 item "security questionnaire". Short of SSNs, they want to basically know everything, including our proprietary and confidential security practices. You aren't Google...stop acting like you are...

How are people this stupid a "director" of anything?

I might actually quit. I'm within weeks (Army-stupidity pending) of working remote and not having to interact with my boss face to face, and I might quit.

2 week long call, everything I suggested was turned down/dismissed by him. Turns out, the second thing I suggested may have resolved the issue... After he decided he was going to take over the call.

While I was on the call, he ran the coffee maker, the kettle, banged his dishes around in the metal sink, and honestly tried to create as much noise as humanly possible, as he does for all my calls. I have multiple signs up requesting people be considerate.

He works for a different company, so I can't call HR, and I'm at the end of my patience.

What a delusional drop of diarrhea shit. A component that's been used for years with plenty of test documents and evidence to prove that it's working. The said component is used by several companies and has been there for decades. Then one naive junior with the enthusiasm to dig dirt on everyone senior to him to prove his self-worth blatantly tells the whole group that the said component is not working. Literally just said it. Where is the fucking evidence? How did you test this? 'Cause if my goddamn coffee maker fails to make me a salad, I will fucking trip too and I would have to tell everyone that the people who designed and created this coffee maker have been wrong all these years. I'm the new young ruler of all designers and engineers. I've proven everyone to be wrong. I must be Galileo.

I can't understand how stupid people can be so sure about themselves and be loud enough to spread misinformation and let their stupidity spread like a disease. I'm tired of arguing with this bitch. I have proven him wrong in all his previous assumptions. Instead of listening and learning from his mistakes, he took offense and dug through my work to find fault. Now this. Oh my god. Who is next? God? Nature? Who else is wrong, you incompetent and cocky piece of shit? Every time you fail to do something, everything else is to blame, everyone else is wrong. Good luck to your career with your attitude.

Fuck you. You're driving me insane. If you dream of changing the world by having "superior intelligence", I believe in you. Remember when you bragged about your "AI" thesis when all it did was ask the user a few questions then match the user to a specific College course that would be a right fit to him? OHMYFUCKINGGOD AI! ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE IS HERE, EVERYONE! HIDE YO KIDS, THEY'LL BE QUIZZED! FUCKING MIND BUHLLLLOWN!

WHAT FUCKING PAYMENT PROVIDER SENDS ALL THEIR TECHNICAL STAFF ON VACATION?!?!?

Leaving customer service to tell me to "wait until they get back... In three weeks"

Unbelievable, I'm actually thinking there are laws and regulations about this if you are providing money handling services, but the sheer stupidity in itself!!

Senior JS Dev where I'm contracting can't understand why null != "null"

On a 5 hour bus ride for which the company advertised that they have WiFi. Technically they did, it just didn't seem to be connected to anything. (it was but it was unusable). I tried logging into the router as i always do and one default "admin" password later i was in.
I didn't want to mess up anything too badly, however i did change the wpa password to "YouShouldMakeThisABitMoreSecure"

Im so frustrated with myself . I've always been afraid of being stupid . Perhaps it was because i was always called the "less intelligent" sibling by my parents . Well i did self-learn java , c++ and android (when i was 15) and made some apps and i did get acknowledged finally but i may have not acknowledged myself . I got into college a couple years ago and i can tell you right out that its like an island filled with stupidity. The teachers , the students. The other day i caught my teacher learning how a transistor works. This is unacceptable for someone who is teaching us advanced op-amps and other circuits . Well , I did get into this college cause it was less tedious and i thought college doesn't matter cause i can self-learn . All i needed was free time . Well college totally destroyed that too and provided no facilities in the process as well . So yeah should i blame my college for my inability to do things the past couple years. I mean i don't think i've learnt a single thing all this while. This is where my frustration begins cause i dont want to blame the college , it's not going to help me and i'll probably end up in a 9 to 5 call center job at this rate . Im also very heavily frustrated with myself , it's like everything i've done so far has been a path of least effort. I have tried a few things which were all just fads like machine learning and crypto and even trading . They felt good and thats what scares me , maybe i don't have the passion and am just looking for a quick buck . This is clearly reflected in the ideas i've been having as well . Well i've never had access to proper funds but now im just trying to justify this layman emotion . I just want to learn and be passionate about learning , researching and i just want enough funds for that . But im afraid , maybe its just that i want to feel superior than my circle . I mean i still don't know why i tried learning rust and wasted even more time setting up fedora and everything around it while i already had a working debian setup and a programming language i'm kind of versed with . i wouldn't say well cause im a self learner and i feel guilty for that . I definitely know i just learnt the surface of the language . Deep down i'm just another stupid fad obsessed guy who feels better by choosing a more complex language that my colleagues look upto . Is this what i am , if so im scared and i don't know what to do . People say that you are what you are and you cant change that . If i cant change this then i dont deserve this wasteful stupid life . I don't know what i should do and it makes me cry . Maybe acknowledging this would've helped but it hasn't , I've felt better playing fortnite rather than learning some basic electronics. Im another one of those aren't I ?

Your level of stupidity cannot even be stored in an unsigned long long, you idiot

My first job was actually nontechnical - I was 18 years old and sold premium office furniture for a small store in Munich.
I did code in my free time though (PHP/JS mostly, had a litte browsergame back then - those were the days), so when my boss approached me and asked me whether I liked to take over a coding project, I agreed to the idea.

Little did I know at the time: I was supposed to work with a web agency the boss had contracted to build their online shop. Only that he had no plan or anything, he basically told them "build me an online shop like abc(a major competitor of ours at the time)"

He employed another sales lady who was supposed to manage the shop (that didn't exist yet). In the end, I think 80% of her job was to keep me from killing my boss.

As you can imagine, with this huuuuge amout of planning and these exact visions of what was supposed to be, things went south fast and far. So far that I could visit my fellow flightless birds down in the Penguin's republic of Antarctica and still need to go further.

Well... When my boss started suing the web agency, I was... ahem, asked to take over. Dumb as I was, I did - I was a PHP kid and thought that Magento, being written in PHP, would be easy to master. If you know Magento, you know that was maybe the wrongest thing I ever said.

Fast forward 3 very exhausting months, the thing was online. Not all of it worked yet, but it was online and fairly secure.

I did next to everything myself, administrating the CentOS box the shop was running on, its (own) e-mail server, the web server, all the coding required for the shop (can you spell 12 hour day for 8 hour pay?)

3 further months later, my life basically was a wreck, I dragged myself to work, the only thing I looked forward being the motorcycle ride home. The system worked though.

Mind you, I was still, at the time, working with three major customers, doing deskside support and some admin (Win Server 2008R2 at the time) - because, to quote my boss, "We could not afford a full time developer and we don't need one".

I think i stopped coding in my free time, the one hobby I used to love more than anything on the world, somewhere Decemerish 2012. I dropped out of the open source projects I was in, quit working on my browser game and let everything slide.

I didn't even care to renew the domains and servers for it, I just let it die without notice.

The little free time I had, I spent playing video games and getting drunk/high.

December 2013, 1.5 years on the job, I reached my breaking point and just left, called in sick at least a week per month because I just could not see this fucking place anymore.

I looked for another job outside of ALL of what I did before. No more Magento, no more sales, no more PHP. I didn't have to look for long, despite what I thought of my skills.

In February 2014, I told my boss that I quit. It was still seven months until my new job started, but I wanted him to know early so we could migrate and find a replacement.

The search for said replacement started in June 2014. I had considerably less work in the months before, looks like he got the hint.

In August 2014, my replacement arrived and I got him started.

I found a job, which I am still in, and still happy about after almost half a decade, at a local, medium sized ISP as a software dev and IT security guy. Got a proper training with a certificate and everything now.

My replacement lasted two months, he was external and never really did his job - the site, which until I had quit, had a total of 3 days downtime for 3 YEARS (they were the hoster's fault, not mine), was down for an entire month and he could not even tell why.

HIS followup was kicked after taking two weeks to familiarize himself with the project. Well, I think that two weeks is not even barely enough to familiarize yourself with nearly three years of work, but my boss gave him two days.

In 2016, the shop was replaced with another one. Different shop system, different OS, different CI. I don't know why and I can't say I give a damn.

Almost all the people that worked at the company back with me have left for greener pastures, taking their customers (and revenue) with them.

As for my boss' comments, instructions and lines: THAT might not be safe for work. Or kids. Or humans in general. And there wouldn't be much left if you put it through a language filter...

Moral of the story: No, it's not a bad thing to leave a place if you're mistreated there. Don't mistake loyalty with stupidity!

And, to quote one of my favourite Bands: "Nothing matters when the pain is all but gone" (Tragedy + Time by Rise Against).

Rant:
Why in the freezing cold all people think that linux = secure. Ransomware... Bla bla not happening on linux bla bla... Linux is secure.

If Linux would have been the most popular one people will pretty much run everything on root and install every stupid package available and never run: apt-get update.

Users were so dumb they got scammed by a phising mail... In freaking 2017... This is user stupidity not OS fault...

God its stupidly annoying seeing the same stuff : Linux secure...
Everything can be secure if you paid attention to the same stuff in freaking 2000.

Well the clown strikes again,

How do u break production and a testing environment in one night?

One full month preping for same thing that revolves around one config file and assured us he was confident,

He wasn't
he managed to fuck it up so bad for the team d brass lost d plot,

I'm not one for condemning people but my God Dante's inferno woulda had an extra ring if he worked with this buck,

The stupidity has shattered my belief in sunshine and rainbows

I guess I'm taking the piss.
I just spend half an hour wondering why a unit test failed; turns out all calculations were done correctly, just that -5 + 3 was being calculated and the test expected the solution to be -1.
Well, -5 + 3 does not equal -1 and I'm too stupid to add.

Half an hour. (-_- )

Boy do I love when Snapchat sends me a snap telling me happy father's day.
I don't even know who my father is but thanks for the reminder assholes.
I wonder what dipshit thought that sending everyone on Snapchat messages during all sorts of holidays that not everyone celebrates was a good idea.

"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe." - Albert Einstein

Spotify premium ad: "Subscribe to Spotify premium and you can skip any number of songs you want. We won't take it personally."

Actually you do!
What I skip and what I listen through tells your machine learning what I like and what not. That's how it builds my listening profile.
So your (software's) opinion of me directly depends on what and how much I skip.
(I expect that skips from people skipping often to have less value than from seldom skippers.)

That sounds like the definition of "taking it personally"!

Pro-tip to self: Getting syntax errors on your If-Than statements? Try using If-Then instead!

*facepalms at own stupidity*

I started at a company to develop an "uber" clone. Hired by the company's cto. I was happy initially as i had been unemployed for a while but that's because i didn't see the shitstorm coming. The task was build this using php, well 2 weeks later and db locking issues because mysql only allows 100 connections and the website takes over 200mb per request, i tried using the meteor framework, a lil better but the orphaned process would require me to reboot every 2 days. So enter erlang, built in 3 weeks works amazing problems none here... Well in comes the cto (which came in once a week). Apparently he had been reviewing my code and didn't understand it. He couldn't understand no for loops etc and demanded that it be made understandable to a normal dev. Did normal devs write uber no. Anyhow i spent the next 6 Weeks refactoring trying to make elixir looks like imperative programming, he finally gave up, so now I'm deep committed writing an API, finish in a week cto comes in and "why aren't you using patch" i don't need it, well another day implanting a patch api that will never be used. Ok done. Now we have a meeting with the investors who i worked in the same building with and they want a frontend built. I explained i was a backend dev and they needed a uiux expert. Next week cto comes back with this jquery fire pit and stolen bootstrap theme and take me with implementing it. This time we scrap the api change some of the backend logic and implement rest from the 90s one static page per request. After 3 months working with jquery I'm let go because of finical issues. I told them i was a backend dev but they didn't listen if the cto would've gotten a frontend expert things would be different but what to expect from a cto who's coding legacy is creating WordPress plugins.

Hopefully things will be better soon I'm tired of living on the streets.

Had to hand in as assigment for my algorithms & data structure course and really put alot of work into it, commented code, easy to understand and all.
"Why are you showing me copied code from the internet?" was the professors answer...
I did not copy any code and some algorithms often look the same...

On my first week in the internship, I have to create a small website and it has to be finished ASAP. So I used Bootstrap.

After finishing I tested the website in chrome debugger tools for every screen size (design responsiveness), it was working fine. My stupidity was that I haven't tested on actual mobile/tablet.

The site was live, I send the link to one of my friends and he said "why everything is so small? looks like I'm browsing on PC". I quickly grab my phone and visited the site and it was not responsive on mobile. Started to check the code again, tested again on chrome tools it was working. But not on mobile. Changed the bootstrap file but no fucking changes on mobile.

After few moments of thinking, I realized that I haven't included the "meta viewport" tag. I felt so stupid and it was kind of embarrassing for me.

Now I first include meta tags before working on new project.

Typical interaction in any XDA development thread:

User: How do I put these ROMs on my phone? Plz halp!

Me: ROOT -> flash RECOVERY -> enter recovery -> flash ROM -> flash Gapps -> profit.

User: How to get the roots? Can halp me?

Me: You're in a Nexus forum. There are directions on how to root everywhere.

User: I can't find. Plz halp.

Me: Fastboot oem unlock, fastboot flash recovery.img, flash SuperSU, flash ROM...

User: Where I can get fastboot?

Me: *link to Google developer's page*

User: Can you just tell me?

Me: No, you need to figure it out, so you know what you're doing.

*2 hours later*

User: HALP! I use toolkit for to get roots, and now phone won't come on! How to fix?! Halp, halp, halp!

*5 minutes later*

User: bump

Me: Looooooool

I dont get it why big it companys in germany still use fucking Internet Explorer and then complain about errors that are not even produced by our application. What the actuall fuck just stop using ie

I've lost hope for my generation by walking down the fucking hallway. Holy shit you would think it's a test. The sheer stupidity and rudeness is truly astounding. You hold open a door and they ignore you, you walk behind them and they let it close in your face. You walk down the hallway in a straight line and people with their pants falling down and yelling waltz out of rooms and walk straight at you to either make you move or do some stupid fucking dancing shit so they can give out of the way (and often hit someone else)! Seriously, if these people can't walk, they don't belong in a vehicle. And then you have the people who stand in a fucking circle and block off the hallway so any throughput you had is now halved or more. Someone, please, either make a trip wire, get a lighter, or make a fucking manual. Maybe I need to. Apparently being respectful of others isn't common sense!

Me, being a lowly junior dev, had the honor of being in a same group chat with a big corporation devOps team.
Finally ready to play with the big boys!!

*opens chat*
DevOps 1: "so we need to remove the CSS cache from our clients computers."
DevOps 2: "ok, well... just delete the server cache"

*watching in awe as they all try to figure out why it's not working*

This continued on for a while...
Until my boss had enough laughs and giggles and put an end to this stupidity :D

Google, why the fuck did you make the Android default USB connection type be "charging," and NOT "MTP"?! And leave no way to EVER set default to MTP!!!

EVERY SINGLE FUCKING TIME I plug my phone into my pc to transfer files, I have to open my notifications shade, scroll to the bottom to the fixed notifications, and change the mode to MTP, at which point the phone has to re-establish its connection to the pc!

This has been an issue from Android M and onwards. Nonetheless, Google still left in the settings app under developer options on rooted devices, the setting to choose which default USB connection mode you want to use. Even though it doesn't stay on what you choose!! It's like they left that there to purposely toy with us and get a good fucking laugh from our needless suffering.

Google, I love so much of what you do and your approaches, but honestly, some of the things you do, like this and for disabling Chrome extensions on Chrome internal pages, makes me want to strangle you and then throw you in a river of molten lava.

NOOOOO ITS RIIIIISIIIIINGGGGG

Please help stop this stupidity, it's inceased by 5 MILLION since last time I checked...

I only went and left my god damn bag on the train with my work laptop in it (2016 Macbook Pro, started this job 2months ago...). Now I have to get up at 5 fucking 30 am to make a 5 hour round trip to collect it while making up a BS excuse to WFH, or more accurately - work from some cafe in a random city 200 miles away. FML

I know i keep ranting about the same fella, but hes so stupid its DevRant Gold, He's so stupid we are highly considering making him work of this so he cant do any more damage to the project,

So I'm getting laid off today. To be exact my entire company is being laid off today...and why one might ask. BECAUSE OF THE STUPID AS FUCK FRUDULANT COMPANY THAT AQUIRED US LAST SUMMER... not I'm not naming names company A bought my company (Nextag) and company A ended up owning company B (Google) lots and lots of money. This went "unnoticed"... As a result Nextag (I mean company A) had to liquidate US and India assests. My company being an asset. So through no fault of our own we've been caught in a shit storm of fuckery and stupidity of the highest degree. Oh... Not only did they not pay (steal) from Google and perhaps other companies.. They fucked up a deal with another company that wanted to buy my company from they greedy, dirty, fucking rot infested little hands... FML... Let's get through today and then time to find another fucking job before I starve.

Fuck safari literally nothing does what it's supposed to do, I have a `document.getElementById('x').innerText = "hello there"` but it sets a totally different element to that text, this is apparently because of display: none although JS should NOT look at css wtf.

There's a whole bunch of these issues but I won't rant about them until I've solved them so I can fully explore the depth of stupidity in safari. If you work for apple and developed WebCore or WebKit, I'm sorry but I hate you and you would be better off shipping with lynx.

Sorry !dev-related, But:
In our grocery store there‘s a 0.5L coke for 0.99 under that there‘s a 1L for 0.98 and around the corner there’s a 1.5L coke for 0.99
WTF?

Don't get mad / frustrated / angry at stupid people, you're just punishing yourself for their stupidity

Aaah! Another cup of stupidity on this sunny Friday! 🍵

I just received a csv file with usernames, emails and passwords in plaintext for 1500 users.
Apparently that's what it means to "integrate with our database"

So we've been working with a VM at a university course I'm taking during semester break. Keyboard layout was QWERTY instead of QWERTZ, and I'm not used to the first layout, but no problem, I can fix that.
Or so I thought.

So I spend nearly half an hour trying to configure the VM to use the desired layout without altering the Ubuntu instance that much - only to then suddenly discover a small USA flag in the corner of the panel bar which could be changed by clicking once to the German flag.
This also changed the keyboard layout instantly.
So, yay, I guess. D:

Most furstrating bug :
console.lof()
yup! lof not log

Im so fucking disgusted with the paternalistic superiority complex so many techbros have.

They see themselves as the new elite priestly class, protectors of the Sacred Tech, convinced everyone else is too stupid to handle themselves.

The answer to stupidity is not to keep people in the dark, enforcing only more stupidity. What a dismal worldview. Treat other humans with respect and dignity and they will surprise you.

So, I got my very first gaming laptop on March 2015. Took a break from the almighty PC Master Race.

It's an Asus ROG G751JT. It was doing great, running my favourite games at 60FPS on high-ultra settings.
Few months after purchasing it, I've been getting a lot of BSODs with the same error (IRQL_NOT_LESS_OR_EQUAL)

As told by the guys at a local forum, I was told to try replacing the RAMs and I was stupid enough, I did. It has 4x 8GB HyperX Impact DDR3L.
The error still won't go away until I changed my SSDs. Which worked for a while until a week ago.

Getting the same BSOD countless times. This time I decided to directly talk to an expert, which is a friend of mine and guess what. It was the motherboard after all. Spent a lot of $$$$ to fix ONE BSOD.

Now I'm stuck with an Asus T100TF for about a month because I had to send it for warranty claim.

smh jfc anasmy y u so stupid for a year and a half. 10/10 worst experience (since it involved a lot of money)

What do you think of my stupidity? Comment below (10 marks).

Developers. The only people on earth who argue about light bulbs for four years.

My favorite comment-
"I can't believe this is still being argued about after four years. Who is more important to this business, the creator of the light bulb pop-up, or the customers who hate it?"

Just had a User asking to recover something from her Deleted Items folder which is where she puts things she wants to read later. Seriously! I thought this was a joke but people really do do this! The clue is in the name: "DELETED Items". Aargh!

The amount of stupidity, innocence, ignorance and indifference in the facial expression is just amazing!
There should be an emoji with this face.

Height of stupidity.

It took that person 16 sets of new batteries to conclude that the remote is defective.

f**king people asking to design admin panel colorfully with these f**king psd images, I was like literally crying inside, I have never seen such a damn f**king admin panel. f**k off managers

this just happened a few seconds ago and I am just laughing at the pathetic site that is Facebook. xD
4 years ago:
So I was quite a noobie gamer/hacker(sort of) back then and i had a habit of having multiple gmail/fb accounts, just for gaming, like accounts through which i can log in all at once in the same poker room, so 4/5 players in the game are me, or just some multiple accounts for clash of clans for donations.
I had 7-8 accounts back then. one had a name that translated to "may the dead remain in peace "@yahoomail.com . it was linked to fb using same initials. after sometime only this and 2 of my main accs were all i cared about.even today when i feel like playing, i sometimes use those accs.

2 years ago.
My dad is a simple man and was quite naive to modern techs and used to hang around with physical button nokia phones.But we had a business change, my father was now in a partnership in a restaurant where his daily work included a lot of sitting job and and casual working. So he bought a smartphone for some time pass.
He now wanted to download apps and me to teach him.I tried a lot to get him his own acc, but he couldn't remember his login credentials.
so at the end i added one of my own fake ID's(maythedead...) so he could install from playstore, watch vids on youtube and whatever.

The Actual Adventure starts now
Today, 1 hour ago:
I had completely forgot about this incident, since my parents are now quite modern in terms of tech.
But today out of nowhere i recieved an email that someone has JUST CHAINGED MY FB PASSWORD FOR ONE OF MY FAKE ACCS!?!??
what the hell, i know it was just a useless acc and i never even check my fb from any acc these days, but if someone could login into that acc, its not very difficult to track my main accs, id's, etc so i immediately opened this fb security portal and that's where the stupidity starts:

1)To recover your account they FUCKIN ASKS FOR A PHYSICAL ID. yeah, no email, no security question you have to scan your driving license or passport to get back to your account.And where would I get a license for some person named "may the dead remain in peace"? i simply went back.
2) tried another hack that i thought that will work.Closed fb help page, opened fb again , tried to login with my old credentials, it says" old password has been changed,please enter new password", i click forget password and they send an otp. i thought yes i won, because the number and recover mail id was mine only so i received it.
when i added the otp, i was first sent to a password change page (woohoo, i really won! :)) but then it sends me again to the same fuckin physical id verification page.FFFFFFFFFuck

3)I was sad and terrified that i got hacked.But 10 mins later a mail comes ,"Your Facebook password was reset using the email address on Tuesday, April 10, 2018 at 8:24pm (UTC+05:30)."
I tried clicking the links attached, hoping that the password i changed(point<2>) has actually done something to account.NADA, the account still needs a physical license to open:/

4) lost, i just login to my main account and lookup for my lost fake account. the fun part:my account has the display pic of my father?!!?!
So apparently, my father wanted to try facebook, he used the fake account i gave him to create one, fb showed him that this id already has an fb account attached to it and he accidently changed my password.MY FATHER WAS THE HACKER THE WHOLE TIME xD.
but response from fb?" well sir, if you want your virtually shitty account back , you first will have to provide us with all details of your bank transactions or your voter id card, maybe trump will like it"

Client request: POST /user/login
Server response: "Login working bitches"
Client: if (response === "Login working bitches"){
//sign in
}

Sins? I don't want to keep you up all night, so here are some highlights.

Fucking with clients and employers who fuck with me first, or waste my time.

Occasionally not documenting my code (I'm actually pretty good about this), then bitching about poorly documented code.

Honestly wishing other people in the office would *actually* explode, or die engulfed in flames.

Working drunk and/or stoned.

Getting pissed off when I have to do something in a stupid way, or use a workflow that I don't like.

Seriously fucking up out of either arrogance or stupidity, then blaming it on something else.

Zoning out, skipping work, or sleeping in and billing for it (see sin #1).

But my greatest sin? That honor's got to go to becoming a developer in the first place.

I wasn't always a professional asshole, but I fucking am now.

My biggest obstacle? Stupidity, laziness, willfull ignorance, procrastination.

Sometimes my teammates are the ones guilty of these things too. That, and impossible timetables, but that's par for the course for pretty much all of us.

Suck my sweatty balls you cock sucking, brain washed ignorant flat earth mother fuckers. If only evolution was more aggressive, we'd have gotten rid of you in the stome age. But hey you can still choke your crap filled mouths on fucking tide pods you stupid cunts.

If only people would stop bashing technologies just because their news say so.

Seriously every forum I visit, there's always some post saying "fuck technology x, it's ..."

Poor me, a dev, sometimes fails to ignore idiots and replies to such posts. "But it's not anonymous, the government said.."
"it is against god's will, our *insert religious figure here* said..."

Fuck your cock sucking governments!!
It's just like every fucking innovation ever. First religion: I'm not against religion at all, if it's something that brings a person peace of mind... but please keep away from interfering with scientific progress. After all if you're so sure about what you're believing in, there's nothing you should be afraid that science would reveal, no?

Then governments: government? Manipulating people? Feeding brains shit? pfftt when does that happen?
Fuck every cock sucking government.. except you know, tbe good ones I guess :p

If people listened to those ignorant cunts back in the days, we'd still believe we're the center of this whole fucking universe, and that a whale ate the moon every now and then...

And then you find out ignorance is infectious. Ignorants start spreading ignorance, and if enough ignorants believe some shit... the shit becomes the truth.

Can you please fucking read about the thing you're about to ignorantly bash before doing so?

Can you stop listening to news and governments about this crap? If anything it's in your govs best interest to keep you afraid of progress.

I'm literally just talking for the sake of it, It's what rants are for no?

Idk I should probably just ignore idiots on the internet... but there's a limit to how much ignorance and stupidity you can take.

At least we'll never run out of restaurant employees I guess

Oh my fucking god people are stupid, or ignorant, or fucking both.

How hard is it to copy a password from an email and paste that fucker in and press login.
Seriously several times of “this is your email” and “THIS” is your god dam fucking password.
God kill me now.

(No the password isn’t stored in plaintext, I reset it myself before sending it to the user)

I read a lot about people that think that millennial are the most entitled and demanding group of people. The more i work in technical support, or any Client based job, i know how it's an half truth.

Truth is Older people usually are WAY worse. Can't fucking make a decision by themselves, i always have to CHOOSE their fucking language. How can you so stupid, you can't figure out which language you want you computer in... You don't know which language you talk dumb fuck? (Not talking about keyboard layout here, you can imagine it's even worse! But at least i know why somebody that has no technical knowledge can be confused)

I have to take them hand by hand because they can't figure out how to read... Younger people usually just say: Okay i'll try that! Thanks! And just hang up, no fucking dicking around on things i don't know what they are doing or why they are asking. They are rarely the fuckers that want to talk to a supervisor to get free repairs and returns. Entitlement at it's best...

Stupidity and entitlement have no age. Period.

I once had a client that lived near by and I had setup a server in his office. One day he calls me begging for help because it keeps turning off... He put it in a sealed foam box to try to reduce it's noise. Temps were 80+ Celsius (176f) within 5 minutes of it booting.

Warning: w-rated for "wordpress", s-rated for "stupidity"

Yesterday in the morning I receive an E-Mail from a designer guy that we should update a plugin in a client's WP because their visual composer in the backend doesn't seem to work anymore.
My boss confirms the task. I'm fucked.
The anger in me rises.

So I try the Wordpress login, it works. I create a backup with Duplicator and run it locally. 2 hours later I found a solution so I want to upload the files to Abominationpress.
BUT THE FUCKING FTP LOGIN DOES NOT WORK...
I write him back asking for the correct login data. 24 hours later he writes me back the exact same username and password.
THANK YOU YOU LOBOTOMIZED BRAIN-AMPUTATED IDIOT.
It already gave me cancerherpes when he mentioned WP, but this shit is just fucking too much.
Now waiting for the response.

I write a thesis about some data mining project.
I need to process 15 million tracking points - today I finally finished coding my algorithm. I was pretty excited and pressed run:
Now, after 2,5 hours of processing, my program got already through a third of all tracking points, as I realized:
I gave my algorithm a non-valid output path.
And that thouht stuck me, as I was already on my way home.
Now I have to go tomorrow (on my day off) to work, to fix and run it again.

End user when criticizing a developer for 'taking long' to create something of value from scratch:
(4 hours later): "What's taking you so damn long? Are you retarded?"

Oh I don't know, maybe I have to make sure that tests in my code run well, maybe I have to evaluate everything to meet the custom satisfactions of the user for his ever-so-custom requirements and I also have to make sure I discard what they don't like? And maybe it takes time to deliver a quality product, and so on?
Or would you prefer I deliver an untested product that I didn't bother to think about and I haven't bothered to make sure it matches with their requirements?

What end users don't understand is the involvement in a quality product.

How do you guys/girls explain to potential new customers that you can perfectly work in a structured business environment and follow the rules, but also that you're assertive enough to oppose desicions being made based on bias, misunderstanding, fanboyism, or grave stupidity.

I just got informed from a freelance position that they would have hired me if it were not for my 'rebellious nature towards customers'

I don't oppose customers, i oppose stupidity unfounded.
Example from experience
> me working in a helodesk support position, all windows computer.
> new mgr comes into office, is a douche and complete mac fanboy
> wants all computers that are FINALLY working decent for some time in the entire department replaced with mac's... Back at 2010.
> whole team, even disliking microsoft themselves, are telling mgr that's a bad, dangerously dumb idea, expensive too, different OS, different software mgmt making, back then integration microsoft and apple was beyond diarhea... Several other issues the senior devs and admins pointed out

>mgr: 'but aple is soh much better, like a billion times better, hurrduurrrrr'
His decision passed somehow to the board..
> All stations from our customers get changed...we don't get a single machine to try out problems because overspending
> we are most of the time unable to help out customers because we still have pc's...
> mgr asks team why performance drops after 1 month
> we compared performance graph with his starting date of mgr, see clear drop after mgr's plan implemented...
> board stilll stands by mgr, gets praise for 'bold changes in the company', but appears to be some associate's son
> two main seniors leave after 15 years of employment, in three months, 80% of staff leaves.
> we canr fix the problems, we are not dev's , we get shit from all sides, i was still a junior in the industry so i worked as a slave inside that job.
> eventually get fired due to 'bad performance'
> mgr loses entire team... 'Hey why don't we outsource this dept to south africa, it's a lot cheaper! '

now that company is an it hellhouse where everyone get clinically depressed from sitting atbtheir station...
This is what i wish to oppose!

How to make that clear!

Found today in the code of a client's old site: <em style="font-style: italic;">

😫

Why are some people just so dumb? Not specifically with programming or development but just in general. How have we not reached a point where everybody has a substantial understanding of common sense and ethics?

Had a coworker who made an export program, which should run one time every 24 hours and create and export some files.

He made it with a timer, that ran 24 hours before doing anything. Which meant that when he made changes to the program, he would have to wait f***ing 24 hours to see the new result.

Wondering why your form isn't submitting any data to the db.
Spending half an hour checking all POST-Variables and functions in your script multiple times to see if they give the correct values (they do).
Finally realizing you wrote 'INSERT INRO' in your SQL statement.
Questioning your intelligence for the rest of the day.

so the bank has decided to charge me for sending me the sms notification for the sms- notification-charges

makes sense 🤨 ?

I hate when people ask you to find their deleted files. Fucking people! It is like asking an architech to recover something from their trash bin. People are idiots that don't want to learn. Some people think that they know a lot of computing and barely can power on they monitors. At this level of average stupidity, people should get licenses to use computers.

" What's the big deal ?
It's just an if condition right ? " - Every manager / product owner ever.

And all the devs be like #facepalm !

Underestimating the stupidity of clients. Had to build a web app again

3 months ago our company moved 10km away from where I live. So instead of 10 minutes to work, I now have 50 minutes. Great!

The moving was so rushed, they forgot to order a fucking internet connection.. So they panicked and bought 4x 4g modems and a 50 Mbit connection. This connection was then shared by the whole office of 50 people. The connection could barely handle our needs, and for 3 months all streaming or unnecessary use of the internet have been prohibited..

But today! It finally happened!
We got our fiber connection!
No more streaming from my phone!

Bye bye productivity!
Spotify and YouTube here I come!

"Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity." - Robert A. Heinlein

Some """friend""" of mine asked me help because he has trouble installing WAMP on a Linux distro.

Me: why don't you try to install a LAMP server instead, you are on Linux, you can do whatever you want.

Him: LAMP is not a thing, this doesn't exist, there's no package called like that.

Me: *sends a tutorial to setup a web dev server*

Him: You are so unhelpful, why are you disrespectful like that ?!?

Me: *having some murder thoughts*

Why do I still reply to these people ?

Have you ever been this frustrated?

when you have a ton of bugs to resolve and short deadline to catch and suddenly you get infinite git conflicts because of your co-worker's stupidity..

Team Meeting with Senior senior manager(SSM) from headquarters.
Post lunch break (casual talks)
SSM: You all people in this office live in luxury. Each and every door has a security guard to open and close the door for all of you. HQ doesn't have these.
Me: So, does it mean that there are no doors or no security guards at the HQ?
Everyone in my team with a very big facepalm. Manager telling me not to get high after having the lunch.

Footnote: All my colleagues and my manager often tells me that I get high just by eating food.

"What is your project status? I need an update!"

So spoke the team leader. I was mildly hesitant about just rudely leaving work - which I was about to do, I was literally halfway out the building - without answering and delaying to Monday.

My project leader - the one that is supposed to look after me and my project every now and then - is on vacation. He's also the one, who is supposed to update the team leader.
It's not that we don't talk regularly, apart from his questions every two months or so, he is informed about my project on a bi-to-tri-weekly basis whether he wants it or not.

The team leader on the other hand seemed quite uninformed about my project.
Wouldn't it be nice if people would fucking talk to each other?!

Other than that, I'm learning C# for roughly six months now and today was the day it all started making sense. OO is a concept that is hard for me to grasp - I understand it, but I continuously failed to implement it. (That I have no regular code review right now isn't helping.)

Today, it just clicked.
I feel kind of stupid and in awe at the same time right now. :D

Fuck you. Fuck them. Fuck everyone. Fuuuuck. I hope and dream of the day people become programmable cyborgs or stupidity is spliced out genetically. Or someone invents an implant that disables the vocal cords when stupid'O'meter goes to the red. Or a system that paralyzes the body temporarily as a fine for stupidity. Or an AI that takes over once shit is approaching unacceptable levels. SOMETHING! Some kind of an incentive for the fucking sheep to develop their little raisins. FUCK!!!?!?!!

Last Week Friday:
PM: We'll be taking you off the one project on to another, we'll send the details later.
Me: Cool

*Hours Later*

PM: Ok cool, so you'll be looking at a script that one of our Pillar heads has scripted. You need to make sure it works and that it can run on the server.
Me: *I always thought this guy was useless now i get to see what he can do* Cool, just send the documentation and i'll take a look at it over the weekend. Just tell me when you've sent it.
PM: Cool.
Project Head: I'll inform you when i send the files and how to run them.
Me: *I know how to set up a database locally, i'm not an idiot* Cool.

Whole Weekend I don't get a single message.

Monday Morning:
Project Head(PH): Have you taken a look at it yet?
Me: Taken a look at what?
PH: The Database and the Script
Me: i didn't get any message over the weekend.
PH: I sent it yesterday, it should be in your inbox.
Me: There's Nothing. Sending anything on a Sunday is expecting me not to see it, especially at 10pm. Besides i can't retrieve any of the files in the attachment(Outlook tripping), rather send it in a zip file or upload it to onedrive.

PH sends the link. I get the files, set up the DB, glance at the script.

Me: This is actually interesting.
PH: You know what it does?
Me: My SQL knowledge is below average but i can read and understand it pretty well. So your dynamically copying the database from the server to the warehouse, cool.
It's not going to work though.
PH: Check first.

I check it

Me: Doesn't work, but it sort of works.
PH: What do you mean?
Me: Some tables are populated but some aren't,, how and there's a shit tone of errors.
PH: So i does copy the data over.
Me: Some of the data.
PH: test it on the Server
Me: Not a good idea.
PH: Just try it.
PM: In the mean time i'll send you some documentation i need you to review and edit.
Me: *Idiots* Cool.

Tuesday:
Me: Have you checked it on the server yet?
PH: Not yet, busy.
Me: Where's the documentation again?
PM: I'll send it it a moment.
Me: In the mean time i'll write some script to fix that script that's definitely not going to work.

Wednesday:
Boss: I heard you done with the script
Me: It's not done, but we'll be testing it on the server later.
Boss: Then why are you running it on the server?
Me: Ask the PH and PM.
Boss: What are you doing now?
Me: Well i'm supposed to do documentation *looks at PM* but i haven't recieved any yet, so I've been writing a script to fix the copy script.
PH: Ok we'll test when the boss leaves, after all the meetings.
PM: here's the documentation.
Me: Thanks

I start on documentation.

PH: It didn't work.
Me: I know.
PH: Fix it.

Thursday:
Meeting.
PM: What you doing?
Me: Fixing the script,
PM: Do the documentation first
Me: Cool.

End of the day:
PH: Why you doing the documentation? The script has highest priority.
Me: Ask the PM.

Friday(Today):
Boss: can we talk.
Me: Sure.
Boss: I though you said the script was done?
Me: i said it sort of works, just doesn't do the job 100%.
Boss: Monday i was told it's done.
Me: i only looked through it Monday to understand it, i done nothing before Tuesday. though i have been trying to create a script to fix it.
Boss: Your working really slow hey.
Me: *It's been a week, and stupid people are in charge* I was doing what i was told.
Boss: Cool.(His Upset)

Stupid FUCKEN people, make stupid FUCKEN decisions. But Hey, the boss only see's the final result. I am a human being, even i make mistakes. But there's a huge gap between stupidity and a mistake.

I was looking up for a bug in my code that caused a fail in one of the test.
Hours later I found that negative integer division in python is just stupid and -1 / 10 = -1.
The sad part is that -1/10 != -(1/10) contradicting the associative property of multiplication over the real numbers.
FUCK YOU PYTHON.

Why would anyone use -1 for true and 0 for false in a database.

Booleans people!!! FFS

Making migration of old project a real PITA

Fuck this fucking cum badger asshole and fuck that stupid fortnite game.

So it’s like 30 degrees inside my room and I am having trouble to fall asleep in such heat. Anyway, I was sleeping tonight and 4.30am I was waked by some screaming voice from other room. Yup, it was that buttmonkey chaser neighbor playing that bullshit fortnite. Turns out he was arguing with someone in game, and complaining about how she wastes his time...
8am I am getting ready go to work, and for fuck great supine protoplasmic invertebrate jellies he was still playing it, still arguing with someone and I met him going to the kitchen to take energy drink.
Just what the fuck you bitch, when do you fucking sleep and how playing that shit is not waste of your time you fucking douche clown? Hope you get fucking heart attack from lack of sleep and energy drink overdose...

Sleep is most important part of my routine and I will fucking ruin anyone who will try to interrupt it.

Note to self: Pointing your tests at a non disposable DB will cause very very bad things to happen. No idea what the flying fuck I was thinking - but praise to the data gods it wasn't a production elastic!

Yes, thank you motherfucker. Please change the fucking specification again one fucking day before the deadline.

These project managers and clients are like little children who can't decide whether they want a lego set or a video game for christmas except little children don't blame santa for their own stupidity.

Guess what? I'm not santa fucking claus and can't do miracles in one day. It's on you little project manager children if we miss this deadline.

I have been commenting a lot recently on linux ranters who rant about windows for stupid reasons.
To all these people who think linux is better and they are smart(er) than windows users, i say:
We use windows in the company I work for. And if you are a linux user, you're just not welcome and your skills are just a waste for the company. And yes it is a successful company with 100s of millions of euros as net revenue.
Our users have windows machines and we offer topnotch Microsoft solutions for them.
When you ask me to switch to linux because of a problem i had in a Windows machine, it makes me feel that you are a stupid person who knows about linux and gives solutions based on his stupidity and on zero knowledge of the scenario.
Please be professional and think about the solution you are offering. It would be best if you did not offer any solution at all in fact.

Who is designing these car dealer commercials.. it's not even a retro type theme or anything just a half-ass attempt with clipart graphics from the 90s. I can understand them not wanting to spend much on this but given the money they scam from the public, you'd think they would want a better representation of their company and not something that is worse than what a 9th grader can produce.

Your Thunderbird inbox file is 8GB and you complain about the speed but still, when I fucking ask you if you want me to archive for you the fucking mails, I get a "Hell no, I don't like them archived because then they are difficult to find"... go to fuck off.

Follow up to previous rant:

Now after I realised that I'm a stupid motherfucker, today was release day. Or so it was planned.
Because turned out my colleagues/supervisors didn't tell me to test the app on Android 6 devices and I was sure that if it ran on the device they gave me (which I assumed was the only device of our clients) it'd be sufficient.
Now it was tested on an android 6 device and crashed constantly.
Wow... I mean... Just wow... Now because I don't have a working android 6 device (a colleague of mine is on vacation and locked our development devices for a different app into a drawer) I have to get the emulator working which took me about 2 hours because that dumb shit face of a laptop first didn't have the android-sdk-root set (took me a good hour to realise) and then the kernel for the avds was missing.
Also: windows updates.
FUUUUUUUUUUUU....

(PS: yeah I should have tested it on various devices and made sure it worked on at least most of them without being told so. Another example for my stupidity.)

EDIT: Now I don't have enough disc space for the kernel I need to install. Absofuckingfantastic

WTF PEOPLE!!
Some people really need to read their error messages.

Just now I got this teammate asking me how he should handle the error git returned. The error message stated: "Please commit your changes or stash them before you merge." He asked me what he should do to fix the error... I was astonished by his stupidity that he did not read the fucking error message.

Almost every fucking time a teammate comes to me with the question how to fix an error, there is a message that says how to fix the error. Why don't they read them?!?! I told you so many times to read your fucking error messages!!!

I'm really glad the project is over in a couple of weeks and I get a new team..

I was just told by the patent review board of the automotive corporate I work for, that virtual camera dynamics are not patentable.
Well, when the only thing you understand is the mechanics of window-wipers and you've never heard of the computer games industry....

Rant about my stupidity.
*Deep breath*

For a full day I've been trying to get the desktop environment on my fresh Arch installation working(on a spare laptop).
Guess what? I was running startx instead of startxfce4 and wondering why isn't xfce4 starting.
Guess I have more such stupid acts to be encountered.

That's it, where do I send the bill, to Microsoft? Orange highlight in image is my own. As in ownly way to see that something wasn't right. Oh but - Wait, I am on Linux, so I guess I will assume that I need to be on internet explorer to use anything on microsoft.com - is that on the site somewhere maybe? Cause it looks like hell when rendered from Chrome on Ubuntu. Yes I use Ubuntu while developing, eat it haters. FUCK.

This is ridiculous - I actually WANT to use Bing Web Search API. I actually TRIED giving up my email address and phone number to MS. If you fail the I'm not a robot, or if you pass it, who knows, it disappears and says something about being human. I'm human. Give me free API Key. Or shit, I'll pay. Client wants to use Bing so I am using BING GODDAMN YOU.

Why am I so mad? BECAUSE THIS. Oauth through github, great alternative since apparently I am not human according to microsoft. Common theme w them, amiright?

So yeah. Let them see all my githubs. Whatever. Just GO so I can RELAX. Rate limit fuck shit workaround dumb client requirements google can eat me. Whats this, I need to show my email publicly? Verification? Sure just go. But really MS, this looks terrible. If I boot up IE will it look any better? I doubt it but who knows I am not looking at MS CSS. I am going into my github, making it public. Then trying again. Then waiting. Then verifying my email is shown. Great it is hello everyone. COME ON MS. Send me an email. Do something.

I am trying to be patient, but after a few minutes, I revoke access. Must have been a glitch. Go through it again, with public email. Same ugly almost invisible message. Approaching a billable hour in which I made 0 progress. So, lets just see, NO EMAIL from MS, Yes it appears in my GitHub, but I have no way to log into MS. Email doesnt work. OAuth isn't picking it up I guess, I don't even care to think this through.

The whole point is, the error message was hard to discover, seems to be inaccurate, and I can't believe the IRONY or the STUPIDITY (me, me stupid. Me stupid thinking I could get working doing same dumb thing over and over like caveman and rock).

Longer rant made shorter, I cant come up with a single fucking way to get a free BING API Key. So forget it MS. Maybe you'll email me tomorrow. Maybe Github was pretending to be Gitlab for a few minutes.

Maybe I will send this image to my client and tell him "If we use Bing, get used to seeing hard to read error messages like this one". I mean that's why this is so frustrating anyhow - I thought the Google CSE worked FINE for us :/

A coworker needed to check the number of users for brand. So he selected all rows from users table and then used php's count function. He released this piece onto production.
Later that day he asked me if there's a problem with the production env because his code is working on local.

Gives an award winning VR idea to our 'Digital Manager'

Says it's too hard for us to do ( it wasn't ) , goes out and pitches it to another digital agency for 'Help', ( mainly coz of the freelance commission )

They go ahead with the idea and make their campaign with it.

we don't get anything. no credit, nothing.

I wonder how the hell someone become a manager with that much of stupidity.

Testing in production? Stupidity?
Yes.

Looking for next book to read:

*Googled "Mythical Man Moth"
*Realized that it auto corrected to "Mythical Man-Month"

Ever since I heard of the book I pondered what the hell the title could mean, thinking about analogies of devs to moths...

I've never felt so stupid and disappointed at the same time.

So, today I was faced with the stupidity of real estate agents
I called and asked if we can check the house today, he said that he calls me IF it's OK, so I wasted the whole fuckin day waiting for the call, and even tried to call him to no success

I think that nobody told him about the fact that it's better to give a call if it is NOT OK

Back at <biginternationalorg> I witnessed a developer deliberately build an xss vuln into a company web application, so that he could plug a JS file in with all of his passwords hardcoded. Bear in mind, this is an org that provides services to both the UK and US military, and if you have access to some stuff you have access to the tools you need to impersonate high-ranking military folks.

I know its like, twenty different passwords, but that's what a goddamn keychain is for! If you don't trust windows keychains, do what I did and run a VM with a Foss keychain installed! Don't build a vuln right into a public facing web app, that's just stupidity.

So i moved house a while ago and noted down the root admin's username and password along with all the critical directories including root db location and slapped the sticker onto my personal cloud.
I Just haven't gotten around to set it back up again.

So there's that...

Saw new issue on jira. When look, they are like my computer is slow or I cannot any buttons in Excel.

For fuck sake, don't send stupid tickets, we already got stupid projects the company took from the others without consulting to the IT team.

There are about 600 tickets every month and most of them are issue because of their stupidity not the software (they never read the error message). And no we are not IT support, go ask those ppl for your computer issue.

fuck you twilio for asking me to 14 characters long password

The urge I always feel for proving that I'm not as selfish, arrogant and costive as I look sometimes, specially when I'm trying to explain my colleagues about the amount of stupidity I find in something they've done.

Who is the brain-damaged engineer at Samsung that decided that a capacitive touch buttons on an induktion cooktop is the way to go. As soon a waterdrop falls on any button the stove goes "FUCK IT, I'M OUT" and shut itselfs off for about 30 seconds.

How wonderful when you have 4 different pots that must have different temperatures and you must use each [+] - button sequentially because the idiot engineer was to lazy to make the input be able to handle several buttons at once!

Stupid idiot engineer and QA department!

TLDR; Default admin login on WEP encrypted WLAN router for getting free stuff at my hair stylist studio.

Free WLAN in my hair stylist studio: They had their WEP key laying around in the waiting area. Well, I am not very happy with WEP, thought that they never heard of security. Found the default GW address, typed it into my browser and pressed Enter, logged in with admin/1234 and voila, I was root on their ADSL router 😌 Even more annoyed now from such stupidity I decided to tell the manager. All I told him was: You use a default login on your router, you give the WiFi password for free, WEP is very very insecure and can be hacked in seconds, and do you know what criminals will do with your internet access? He really was shocked about that last question, blank horror, got very pale in just one sec. I felt a little bit sorry for my harsh statement, but I think he got the point 😉 Next problem was: he had no clue how to do a proper configuration (he even didn't knew the used ISP username or such things). Telled me that 'his brother' has installed it, and that he will call him as soon as possible. Told him about everything he should reconfigure now, and saw him writing down the stuff on a little post-it.

Well, he then asked me what he can pay me? Told him that I don't want anything, because I would be happy when he changes the security settings and that is pay enough. He still insisted for giving me something, so I agreed on one of a very good and expensive hairwax. Didn't used it once 😁

Some weeks later when I was coming back for another hair cut: Free WLAN, logged in with admin/1234, got access and repeated all I did the last time once more 😎

HOW CAN YOU NOT LEARN FROM FAILS??

So company x decides that they're depreciating their REST API v1 in favor of v2 which came out like 2 months ago. But I figure: "I'm okay because I use their official Python module". Well v1 went offline two days ago and they still have not updated their own library to work with v2.

Around three months ago in a meeting regarding a new end2end test for a product :
PO: We have a full feature stop, only bug fixes are coming until we can unify all products.
Me : So I can use any selectors without worrying the whole thing breaks with the next update?
PO: Sure.

Last Thursday :
PO: Yeah, we gonna overhaul the entire UI with the next release to get better UX.

Why would any sane person reinvent an entire product thats already scheduled for discontinuation in 2018? And how is it possible that a few months ago nobody knew anything about it? Are they using fucking tatot cards for management decisions?

When you use more than one http request in your header, it's called Https.

Been looking for this for like 15 minutes 😂😂

love helping users that can describe their problem and then we have the "other" side of users, the life sucking golems of collective stupidity.

You get "software does not work!" and asks for error message or description of what doesn't work and get same response "it does not work".

After a few rounds in the "what is wrong support circle" it ends with user has changed PC to one were the software is not installed...

"it does not work" no effing shit sherlock you want me to install some IQ with it?

-----------Jr Dev Fucked by Sr Dev RANT------

Huge data set (300X) that looks like this :
( Primary_key, group_id,100more columns) .

Dataset to be split in records of X sized files such that all primary_key(s) of same group_id has to go in same file.

Sde2 with MS from Australia, 12 years of 'experience' generates an 'algo'. 70% Test case FAILED.

I write a bin packing algo with 100% test case pass, raises pull request to MASTER in < 1 day. Same sde2 does not approve, blocking same day release.

|-_-| What the fuck |-_-| Incompetent people getting 2x my salary with <.5x my work