On his first week at job, the junior says:

Hey guys! Check out this new website I found! You'll thank me later.

So I barely get home and I see my 10 year old sister in the living room coding with the Xcode Playground, I asked her where she learned how to do that and she said "I just read the books you had." I'm so proud. 😭🤘🏼

Never trust printers.

I went to Paris for my first interview (that was 1989) for a job of Unix kernel developer. All dressed up. I step out of the elevator and see a young punk with scruffy hair and different colour shoes. I reckon he must be the pizza delivery guy. I ask him "dude, can you please point me to the CEO's office for interview". He said "sure, follow me man, I'll show you". We arrive at a desk, he sat down in the big chair and looks at me with a big smile and says "Ok dude, here we are. I am the CEO. Now let's see how good you are!"
I got the job. And 26 years latet, last week, amazing coincidence: I met him again at a trade show in Paris ... with the same coloured shoes. How cool is that!!!

My Crush who is a bookworm: what do u do?
me: i am a writer
she: wow thats soo cool
me: (excited inside)
she: what did u write recently?
me: code
she: 😐

Never let your computer know that you are in hurry. Computers can smell fear. They slow down if they know that you are running out of time.

Feeling frustrated when you cut (ctrl-x) and move to the place you want to paste then you pushed copy (ctrl-c) only to lose what you cut.

Me: Okay Google, call Dad.
Google Now: Which Dad?

Fuck you Google.

When all you want to do is to code on your side projects but the family has other plans..