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So this company came up with a nice way for us to fuck each other's ass with a double-sided butt-plug: Everyone will have their own partners. For every day your partner delays his/her task, you will get a deduction on your salary, and vice versa.9
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My gf was a QA. I told her to read my last devrant story about our colleague from the previous company.
Her response was "you misspelled 'taught' twice".
😢6 -
tl;dr
A former colleague of mine, who used to suck at web development is now a kick-ass who knows how to get things done.
We are of the same age. We got hired on this company at the same time. He was a front-end guy, and I am a full-stack. So, we were like a yin and yang in development roles.
Initially, we have this big gap of skillset. I was solely assigned on a project which I worked on from ground up, while he was barely able to make an HTML table look properly on a separate existing project. My impression of him that time is that he's kind of a simpleton. But, I was wrong.
Few months passed, our seniors left the company, and I was promoted to be a team lead. Eventually, I was teamed up with this guy. I had a hard time working with him, but I was able to share him some of my knowledge.
Every time I teach him something new, he's exploring more. From proper indentation, writing SASS, using streaming build system (GulpJS), etc., he's making sure that he applies it on every project he's assigned to — even practicing it on his personal projects during break time. I can see him improve each day.
After a year in the company, he became so much better. I even ended up teaching him more than just front-end stuff. I shared the gospel of Jesus of PHP community (Jeffrey Way), tought him how to set up his own server, how to configure DNS, etc.. Again, it's tough for him even to write a simple for..loop statements. But, after a lot of consistent practice, he became better and better. We've done quite a number of projects together. He's fun to work with because of his "hungry" spirit.
Unfortunately, he was laid-off from the company, and I worked on the company til the very end. We parted ways.
He went back to his hometown to launch his own e-commerce business — apparently, this was the "practice" project he was working on the whole time during breaktimes.
Another year has passed, that project worked out and got a funding. And now, he's launching his second project. The best thing is, when I lookup his projects on builtwith.com, every damn stack I tought him, he used it. It's like a project built by me.
To be honest, I am a little jealous of him, but at the same time, I am so proud of him. I thought him how to make things work, he thought me how to get things done. He's my inspiration now.5 -
Let me try if this will motivate me:
Open DevRant.
Search for "wk107".
** scroll **
** scroll **
** scroll ** -
A guy recommended by a friend asked me if I can make him a website for his restobar for the cheapest price.
So, I gave him my cheapest quote.
He then asked if I can make it half of the price, and he'll give me a Jack Daniels shirt, bag and a cap.3 -
Boss: We need a new functionality to record company names for now.
Me: Ok. (This will be a quick one)
(few mins later)
Me: Ok, adding/editing/deleting company names.. done. I also added "date recorded" field, just in case we need it.
Boss: Ok, thanks.
(~20 mins later)
Boss: We also need a functionality for the users which has "this" permission to be able to "request" for a company registration. We need to add fields to record the contact person, email, phone, etc.. Once a "request" has been submitted, "this" person-in-charge has to get a notification on the dashboard. And the requesters, should get a notification that they have a pending request sent. Once the registration is done, the requester has to be notified.
Me: 👀6 -
Me and my developer friend worked with my ex-colleague with this fitness directory website because he promised to give us {{ thisAmount }} upon the {{ completionDate }}.
He was my friend and I trusted him.
It took me weeks of sleepless nights building the project. I had a full-time job that time, and I worked on the project during evenings. All went well, and as we reach the {{ completionDate }}, the demo site is already up and running.
A week before the {{ completionDate }}, he hired his new wife as the COO of the startup. It was cool, she keep noticing things on the site which shouldn't be there, and keeps on suggesting sections that has to be there. I was okay with it, until I realized that we are already a month late with the deadline.
Every single hour, I get a message from them like, "it's not working", "when can you finish this feature?", blah blah blah.. and so on.
I got frustrated.
"I want my fucking life back", I told them. No one cared about the {{ completionDate }}, the sleepless zombies they are working with and our payment. They keep on coming up with this "amazing" ass features, and now they are not paying because they said "it's not complete".
Idiot enough to trust a friend. I was unprotected, there was no legal-binding document that states their obligation to pay.
My dev friend and I handed over the project to this web development company which they prefer, and kept a backdoor on the application.
I kind of moved on with the payment issue after a month. But without their knowledge, I kept an eye on the progress and made sure that I still have the access to their server, DNS, etc..
BUT when they announced the official launch on social media, I realized that I was on the wrong train the whole time.
They switched to a different server.
They thanked all the people involved with the project via social media, EXCEPT me and my coding partner who originally built the site from ground up. A little "thank you" note from them will make us feel a little better. But, never happened.
I checked up the site and it was rewritten from originally Laravel 5 to CodeIgniter 1. That is like shifting from a luxury yacht where you can bang some hot chicks, to a row boat where your left hand is holding the paddle whilst your right hand is wanking yourself.
I almost ran out of bullets.
Luckily, CodeIgniter 1 was prone to SQLi by default.
I was able to get the administrator password in plain text and fucked with their data. But that didn't make me feel better because other people's info are involved.
So, I looked for something else to screw with. What I found? A message with the credit card details.
Finally, a chance to do something good for humanity. I just donated a few thousand dollars to different charity websites.3 -
Scaling a badly-written code which is not designed to scale.
Ended up re-writing the entire shit from scratch.4 -
Pretending to work while sleeping by scrolling his mouse up and down, sitting upright and eyes closed.2
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After one job interview I ran across this one guy in an elevator.
"Are you an IT? I am looking for one".
I nodded, "Yes, I am". He was about to get off the elevator and told me to save his phone number.
By the time I was about to type the last 3 digits of his number on my mobile, I got a call from my brother and the elevator door closed. I immediately rejected the call.
Unfortunately, the dialer went empty and I lost his number.
I was trying to recall the number but I can only remember the last 3 digits.
I went back to the same floor, but there was around 30 offices and I couldn't find him. I gave up.
Fucking iPhone.6 -
During my university days, we had a basic programming quiz. One of the questions is to "write a program that will determine if a number is even or not".
An annoying seatmate asked me silently if his answer is correct. Then I saw his window:
=========================
> Enter an even number: 10
> The number is even.
=========================
I told him it's correct.
After the test his answer is marked as wrong.
"You told me it's correct!", he said to me.
I approached the professor, and told him that his answer is correct.
"What if I enter 3?", professor said.
I told him, "User Error". -
When I was an intern, I wrote a very heavy MySQL query with multiple joins. Quite frustrated, I asked for some help from one of my seniors.
He came by on my desk and told me, "Explain your query!".
I was completely blank-faced O_O.
After a few moments, the senior grabbed this hopeless bastard's keyboard and typed "EXPLAIN" in the beginning of the query; and then ran it.
I thought he was being hard to me.7 -
Being a programmer on a non-tech startup company is not too bad. That means aside from coding:
- You have to check if the office printer works
- You need to figure out why the phone lines aren't ringing
- You have to teach a stupid colleague on how to unzip a file
- When they give you a task, they'll say that it's "not urgent", but, they just "need it by tomorrow"
- You have to be a "mind-reader" because if something goes wrong, they don't know how to describe what's going on. Or probably, they're just too lazy being specific. They'll just say, "Hey, I have a problem.", and you will be like "What problem? Your dog is sick? You shit your pants? You lost your faith in God? Fuck what?"
- You don't have a time to "focus", because everyone interrupts you for just about anything related to "technology". Yeah, because you're the IT guy
- You always have learned and applied the latest practices/stacks, but no one gives a fuck
- You will start to re-think your life and devrants make you feel better9 -
My favorite slack bot throwing some crap on my face right before my week ends. Then, tries to motivate me at the same time.
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