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I'm specialized in creating technical debt.
Basically, I rant my way in any dev specialty.
Since I never have a solid understanding of what I'm fucking with, ranting is more natural.
Ability to create technical debt is one of the most important skill, often underestimated:
- it will lead to heavy refactoring or even rewrite = more job for dev
- it will save a lot of short term effort, and luckily will produce the mid-term lock-in of the developers (more money for dev)
- it will increase billable hours to the customer. Higher the technical debt, more complex the explanation, and easier to confuse the customer.
- the best thing is that you'll never pay the debt. You'll eventually leave - willing or not - the job and you'll find some green field to exploit and create more debt.17
"You tried a wrong password too many times"
(I know fucker, I made a fucking mistake because I had to restart the pc 20 fucking times already, I've got confused, you pc-fucker)
"The activity is temporarily suspended, try later"
LATER? WHEN? I need to work you moron. Just give me a number!!! 10 minutes? 10 hours? days?
Work on improving security, lazy sod, not on slowing my job.
PS As soon as I can I'll change the password in "ImpotentCrackWhoreFucker8==0-)"6
I know, a rant about Mac vs Windows is nor fun nor original anymore.
But really, I restarted more times my Windows PC in one morning than my Mac in one year.
What should I do, while waiting for the n-th restart?
Reinvent the wheel workaround: Rename the wheel.
Since you cannot reinvent it, because it already exists and it's working, just call it "rolling circular object" and get away with it.
Why in hell I should call packages "namespaces"?
A package can contain a lot of things actually. It's visual, you can create an icon for it.
Namespace? is that even a word?
Next time I rent an apartment, I'll ask if they have a FuckSpace instead of a bedroom.
"Well, it's a small studio, there is only a ShitSpace and an Open EatAndFuckSpace"
Visual Studio suggested me to install some extension. I accept.
Now Visual Studio want to know IF I AM A MICROSOFT EMPLOYEE.
I'm not your fucking employee but you can as well pay me since I'm using your crap.15
Dear "Create a web API with ASP.NET Core" official MS tutorial:
you betrayed me. I came to you like an innocent child and you fucked me over, you abused my trust, forcing me to follow insane instructions leading to no result other than the loss of my childhood and my day.
I feel like a child raped by some perv-priest or monster father.
I had a soul ready for a space walk,
and now I have just a hole full of your cock2
During 6 months I updated myself day and night on java, springboot and AWS.
I failed most of the technical interviews on my preferred stack, however I got a job, where the probable stack is C#, dotnet and Azure.
So, I have a couple of weeks of very good quality rant ahead.
I just started.
hmmm let's see, should I use Visual Studio or Visual Studio CODE. I spent the morning before understanding they were different. I could have spent the morning Studying how To Visually fuck you, lame name chooser.
Now I'm following a tutorial.
I need .NET 5.0, but guess what, I have .NET core 3.1.
But wait, fuck, .NET and .NET CORE are not the same thing! Will .net core 3.1 work for a .NET project or not?
And there goes the afternoon. Is he the same guy who choose the names?
I'll tie you with a barbed wire net and fuck you to the core, you asshole7
I hate when a retard fuckstick user on FuckOverflow gives answer like this:
"I suggest a read of the documentation instead of only hacking around"
IF I'M ASKING A QUESTION IT'S BECAUSE THE fucking doc wasn't clear to me, it was longer than the dick of the horse that fucked your mother, or simply I didn't have the fucking time and I hoped somebody would help me out, you dumb fatherfucker18
I was hired as Project Manager.
After few days, I discovered that:
- I didn't have a team
- I was also the main and only developer
- all the projects I was assigned to were late
- I was also the account manager and I had to explain the delay to the customers.
And no, the salary didn't make up for the daily loss of reputation.
I lasted more than I thought, when I discovered that customers were not interested in delivery either, as it was a kind of money laundering scheme10
I'd like to extend my heartfelt fuck-you to the following persons:
- The recruiter who told me that at my age I wouldn't find a job anymore: FUCK YOU, I'll send you my 55 birthday's cake candles, you can put all of them in your ass, with light on.
- The Project Manager that after 5 rounds of interviews and technical tests told me I didn't have enough experience for his project: be fucked in an Agile way by all member of your team, standing up, every morning for 15 minutes, and every 2 weeks by all stakeholders.
- The unemployment officer who advised me to take low level jobs, cut my expenses and salary expectations: you can cut your cock and suck it, so you'll stop telling bullshit to people
- The moron that gave me a monster technical assignment on Big Data, which I delivered, and didn't gave me any feedback: shove all your BIG DATA in your ass and open it to external integrations
- the architect who told me I should open my horizons, because I didn't like React: put a reactive mix in your ass and close it, so your shit will explode in your mouth
- the countless recruiter who used my cv to increase their db, offering fake jobs: print all your db on paper and stuff your ass with that, you'll see how big you will be
To all of them, really really fuck you.13
what the fuck are "covariant" return types...
I've been using java since java exists through all different versions. Mostly for web development.
Today I discovered "covariant" return type. What a shitty name.
I think I used the concept even without being aware of it...maybe just -oh- because Eclipse is allowing or even suggesting it.
I honestly cannot develop without Eclipse suggestions.
But here I am, survived 30 here in the business, developing end-to-end web applications for thousand of customers and deploying them.
And failing stupid questions in moronic interviews. Fuck.
PS also I don't use Streams. sorry.4
I had 5 round of detailed technical interviews on java, springboot, React and Google Cloud.
Finally it seems they are going to make me an offer.
Last conversation was with the team I should work with.
They use dot.net, AWS and maybe maybe some angular.
I wann cry.
I'll say yes anyway.
Maybe the idea is to get some new perspective from me?
Or they want to be sure they will be better than me?
Or otherwise, fuck them?6
MOBBING DICTIONARY - 4 -
Sentence (in private, outside the scope of CEO or such)
- sort it out yourself! fuck you, worm! I'll get you fired! I'll crush you with an hammer
(something very insulting, screaming)
- to exasperate the target. So he/she will fight back, maybe at the wrong time. Or he/she will try to stay quiet, but he/she will explode inside.
- make clear to everybody that the mobber is the danger
- The mobber will deny he/she ever said that. The target cannot prove it. Nobody will support the target, not even the witnesses, as they are scared. The CxO will not believe he/she could have said that, because he/she is apparently mild mannered and respectful with all directive positions.
- The target has a dilemma: or he/she denounces the words to the managers, but he/she will be considered a defamer, or worst.
Or he/she takes it in, and in such case, he/she will be slowly destroyed psychologically.4
MOBBING DICTIONARY - 3 -
Sentence (harsh public remark)
- You always want to do everything.
- highlight a (true or false) defect of the target, a lie repeated thousands of time will become true.
- whether or not that is true, everybody will start to see the target with that particular defect. Every action will be justified to correct the defect.
While it is often true that people at time have difficulty to delegate, usually the reason is not that they don't want to, but they don't know how.
The mobber want to remove the person rather than helping on the "how".
This strategy get the best result when the target is self aware, take the mobbing sentence as a constructive feedback and start to effectively delegate. He/she will contribute to make him/herself useless and could be later easily disposed of.1
MOBBING DICTIONARY - 2 -
(behind the back)
- he/she has no time, don't tell him/her these problems, don't speak with him/her, just speak with me
- you have no time do this!. Let me/somebody else do it.
- cutting the target out from the rest of the team. Redirect all communication in order to shield the target.
He/she will loose the general vision. He/she will not understand anymore what the problems are. He/she will loose relevance and will not be able to manage his/her own time anymore.
He/she is probably working a lot, and doing a lot of effort. He/she will probably know how to use the time, and he/she needs the team to help with task no take the task out of him/her.
He/she will slowly burn out, specially if he/she discover that such things are happening behind his/her back.
The situation will add psychological problems to technical problems. He/she will be crushed to death.5
MOBBING DICTIONARY - 1 -
I would like to collect some sentences that amount to mobbing on the workplace, especially if repeated often and targeting the same person.
Sentence (flattering hypocrisy):
You are to good to waste your precious time in this demeaning task, let somebody else/me do it!.
demoting someone, alienate the target from crucial tasks and move the (important) tasks to the mobbers or somebody closer to them.
the targets usually don't buy the flattery, they are disgusted by it.
But they start to feel guilty: maybe they are not delegating enough, or not letting other people grow, or taking too much things on themselves.
They start to let go. But they have an hard time finding really more useful things to do.
They alienate themselves slowly from the team.
They'll be slowly fired.7
this is how I destroyed my career in IT and how I'm headed to a bleak future.
I've spent the last 10 years working at a small company developing a web platform. I was the first developer, I covered many roles.
I worked like crazy, often overtime. I hired junior dev, people left and came. We were a small team.
I was able to keep the boat afloat for many years, solving all the technical problems we had. I was adding value to the company, sure, but not to mine professional career.
There was a lot of pressure from young developers, from CEO, from investors. Latent disagreement between the COO and the CEO. I was in between.
Somehow, the trust I built in 10 years, helping people and working hard, was lost.
There was a merge, development was outsourced, the small team I hired was kept for maintenance and I was fired, without obvious explanations.Well, I was the oldest and the most expensive.
Now I'm 53, almost one year unemployed.
I'm a developer at heart, but obsolete. The thing we were doing,
were very naif. I tried to introduce many modern and more sophisticated software concepts. But basically it was still pure java with some jquery. No framework. No persistency layer, no api, no frontend framework. It just worked.
I moved everything to AWS in attempt to use more modern stack, and improving our deployment workflow.
Yes, but I'm no devop. While I know about CD/CI, I didn't set up one.
I know a lot of architectural concepts, but I'm not a solution architect.
I tried to explain to the team agile. But I'm not a scrum master.
I introduced backlog management, story mapping, etc. But I'm not a product manager.
And before that? I led a team once, for one year, part of a bigger project. I can create roadmap, presentations, planning, reports.
But I'm not a project manager.
I worked a lot freelancing.
Now I'll be useless at freelancing. Yes I understand Angular, react, Spring etc, I'm studying a lot. But 0 years of experience.
As a developer, I'm basically a junior developer.
I can't easily "downgrade" my career. I wish. I'll take a smaller salary. I'll be happy as junior dev, I've a lot to learn.
But they'll think I'm overqualified, that I'll leave, so they won't hire me even for senior dev. Or that I won't fit in a 25 y.o. team.
My leadership is more by "example", servant leader or something like that. I build trust when I work with somebody, not during a job interview.
On top of that, due to having worked in many foreign countries, and freelancing, my "pension plan" I won't be able to collect anything. I've just some money saved for one year or so.
I'm 53, unemployed. In few years time, if I don't find anything, it will be even harder to be employed.
I think I'm fucked26