A dating site for devs/sysadmins (etc) with privacy in mind.

Project Type
Project idea

A dating site for devs/sysadmins (etc) with privacy in mind.

I have no clue yet, it's an idea that's been stuck in my head for a while. I'm a backender and sysadmin (Linux) but I entirely suck at front end and databases.
Tech Stack
PHP, Node
Current Team Size
Doesn't exist
  • 1
    Great idea! I’m here to help if u want.
  • 3
    @dragon5232 Don't like PHP?
  • 8
    Im here to date :) and help to get a better chance at dating :p
  • 2
    @dragon5232 Different use cases. I'd use PHP for the API, Node for the websocket system (real time event based)
  • 8
    What about Cron support so that we can configure our dates that way  ( Ν‘° ΝœΚ– Ν‘°)
  • 2
    @MisterArie The second part you said is *literally* a reason for me!
  • 1
    @linuxxx I always try to find out how the match making algos work on apps like Tinder.
  • 1
    @MisterArie I've used them for a little but I'm not sure how the data is used so I quit them :)
  • 3
    If you are gonna use laravel, then count me in
  • 5
    To put it short, I'd love to get a girlfriend and when every dating site doesn't come close to what I want to see in a dating site, fuck it, I'll develop one myself (and possibly with other people as well).
  • 7
    @linuxxx make a dating site with blackjack and hookers.
  • 2
    @marcus5914 Never worked with it, people told me it's easy to use but after a few days I gave up!
  • 0
    @linuxxx it's a Futurama joke.
  • 2
    @marcus5914 oh. You are talking about laravel. Lol. I gave up WordPress after finding laravel
  • 4
    @marcus5914 Fuck wordpress anyways!
  • 2
    If it doesn't use PHP I may help ~
  • 6
    "with privacy in mind"

    And exactly how? I cant see how it would work
  • 5
    Why is PHP such a faux pas? It’s actually evolved quite nicely over the years.... but meh. Doesn’t really matter much I guess.

    Also, how would the project handle the issue of like a 1:25 female to male ratio? That seems like an elephant in the room for a dev dating site, doesn’t it?

    I’m not single, but I get the allure or wanting to date someone like minded; someone you might even be able to do projects together with as well as date and be best friends... but just wondering if there are any ideas on the gender disparity?
  • 10
    @agaskins guys dating guys should solve that problem. Not sure if that is a feature we can force on our users though xD.

    We ran out of girls so we matched you with this guy. Go explore your bisexual side.

    I see users complaining already
  • 1
    @Linux maybe privacy as in the dating site isn’t just another ruse to collect and sell its user’s information to advertisers. I dunno, just guessing here really.
  • 2
    @MisterArie haha I love that idea! Gotta stay pragmatic!
  • 0
    @Charon92 okcupid was an amazing site back when I was dating too... it’s one of those sites that is so good you almost hate to stop being active in it when you find a significant other lol
  • 0
  • 3
    I'm interested in how that turns out ^^
  • 3
    Doesn't matter what its written in as long as it works. :-)

    Bugfree helps.

    Start simple, add features after you bug fix current parts, or you will annoy folk !

    Actually, you only need very simple !

    Full data search, eg. let folk search for what they want. (Otherwise folk have to use google to do it instead, which is very messy..)

    > try to find out how the match
    > making algos work

    You don't need any. :-)

    Chatrooms help.

    Dating sites tend to help single women, more than single men..

    So in essence, you think making a more efficient one will help you find a woman, but in fact, it will make it harder !

    Ideally you want a system that makes it easy for men to find women, but not women to find men...

    But I've no idea what that might look like !

    Mayor issues:

    Where do you host it so legally you are covered in someone says something illegal onboard..
  • 0
  • 1
    Don't let the users self moderate, or they will ban all the attractive people !

    As such, you will need to hire staff to keep out all the spam..

    If you rely on volunteers, they will soon gang up and decide who they let in and who they don't, which may mean, not you guys ! (Yahoo chat is a good example there!)

    At least if you hire folk, if they don't do what you want, you can fire them !
  • 2
    @Nanos you made me remember something. Most people in IT are men, only around 25%* are women. Someone knows what can be done about that?

    *number depends on what you consider IT and your source
  • 0

    Remove 25% of men from IT, so you end up with a 50/50 mix..

    But will an IT woman want to go out with an IT guy..

    Show them a rich TV producer..
  • 2

    Don't use SQL for a dating site.

    Use Neo4j, or any other graph DB. Feals harder at the start, but makes a lot of things easier.
  • 0
    @Linux Already commented about that a little up :)

    @Root It'll deffo be written (maybe partly) in php! It's fast and works great imo :)
  • 0
    Id like to help as a sysadmin :)
  • 1
  • 2
    I can work on it
  • 1
    Maybe throw up a slack server?

    What will the age restrictions be for users of this platform? I know devrant has some young devs
  • 2
    @linuxxx if u ever start this am all in. Ready to code I know both PHP and nodejs I think it would be a wonderful experience.
  • 2
    @linuxxx i am a backender as well but am good with DBs, so keep that in mind in case you ever think about starting this off. I have some interesting ideas as well.
  • 2
  • 1
    @Nanos if you remove 25% of the men you have ~56% men, 25% women and 19% empty. scale that up and you get about ~70% men ~30% women. (maths isnt 100% accurate but should be about that)
  • 0

    I was trying to keep it simple. :-)
  • 3
    > What will the age restrictions be

    If you have those, folk will just lie to get around them !
  • 0
    > I plan to do this too in my locale in
    > the near future

    I was pondering the same thing a while ago, until a woman friend of mine pointed out it would make it harder for men to find a woman, rather than easier !

    Damn those unintended consequences !
  • 0
    Just think, if we was instead talking about developing nuclear weapons, would it still be a good idea to continue..
  • 1

    Women are the choosers, the men are the chosen.

    Women seek the most suitable men.

    Make that more efficient and the lesser quality men will loose out and be unselected.

    Side effects include IQ-Shredding.

    Related link:


    I'm not entirely sure what possible solutions exist against it.

    Though female androids may offer competition against human females and readdress the balance of power, assuming they don't become fully illegal in time.

    The variables involved are more complex than they first appear.
  • 2

    One dating resource that can help give lower quality men more of a chance is chat rooms.

    Where men can display their abilities without needing consent from women to engage in conversation, aka public chat room.

    This might explain why the last decade+ we have seen a closing of many popular chatroom systems, so as to reduce male power/dating options.

    They allow for the peacock effort, allowing men to display their mental abilities in conversation, and not just their visual and attributes appeal from a dating profile.
  • 2
    As far as I know, @dfox and @trogus worked for a dating company, met there, and made devRant. If wrong, nvm
  • 1
    @irene I'm working on some ideas. Privacy doesn't have to mean no sharing at all.
  • 0

    I wonder how one might control ratio ?

    And what happens to the men who can't get in.. :-)

    I have visions of a queue forming..

    "I didn't get in today, I'll try again tomorrow!"
  • 0
    You could freeware the software (With donations allowable.) and let folk host their own site.

    Build in an intersite communication option, so folk could check singles across all linked/compatible sites.

    Then you might get say:

    Folk who like cats dating site.
    Folk who live on the moon dating site.


    This way, you can avoid legal issues concerning the running of the site yourself, and just focus on the software design side of things.
  • 1

    I'm reminded of one site that had free accounts for women, and paid for with men.

    But all that did was lead to men pretending to be women to get free accounts so they could make use of the chatrooms..

    And lots of spam/bot accounts pretending to be women as well.

    Though there was a few real women there.

    If their prices had been cheaper than $40 a month, it might have worked better..

    From what I understand, something less than $30 a year is considered a disposable amount.

    But its a bit of a chicken and egg situation, because who wants to shell out on a site that doesn't have much membership..

    Adverts are also, things users don't like on the whole. (If you do have adverts, I'd suggest an advert only area, so people who do want to buy related products, can go there, but the general usable area, is free from adverts.)
  • 0

    As to what variables to store, one solution would be to let users create their own variables. (With moderation checks.)

    Then the popular ones would rise to the top so to speak.

    Again, make sure you can search everything. :-)

    And that the search has options to remember all settings! (Unlike POF which forgets some..)
  • 0

    For example, first user might create searchable variable called:

    Age, number, max 3 positive digits.

    Later on, someone might create variable:

    Pet Toads, number, max 2 positive digits.

    If you had a database of 1,000 users, perhaps 900 of them might have the variable 'Age', but only 3 might have the variable 'Pet Toads" in their profile.

    So you could search not just by key words (Make sure to include fuzzy logic, to account for spelling errors..), but also by other key aspects, like popular, so 'Age' would be top of the list there.

    This would allow you to keep abreast of changing fashions on what people search for, and help you avoid having categories no one really uses, or not having ones that people want.

    If you study what other dating sites do, you can often spot many flaws in their design. :-)

    Also, study what is said on their support forums, as that can also give you insight into design errors/etc. (Though some ban negative design feedback on their own forums..)
  • 1

    > What legal issues do you speak of ?

    In some countries it would be illegal to say you have an interest in a banned political party for example.

    In some countries, what people put in their profiles could be considered a 'hate crime'.

    In some countries, it would be either illegal, or seen in a poor light if you had a dating site for below 18 year olds.

    Age restriction is a difficult area, as if you have an 18+ site, folk just lie to gain entry !

    As such, there are many legal issues to worry about. :-)
  • 1
    > paid for men

    Paid for accounts do rather discriminate against poor men.. :-)

    And some men are put off against dating sites that charge, as so many of them will repeat bill, even when you stop the account !

    Mind you, the paid ones do that to women as well..

    I'm reminded of a woman I knew who ended up paying over $3,000 to a dating site before she managed to get them to stop charging her.

    Another person I knew, had to close their bank account to stop the repeat payments.

    But I think paid/unpaid is likely to lead to more complications than it solves.

    Free with donations also solves a lot of financial collection issues, refunds/etc.

    And free services tend to be more popular. (Look at POF for example.)

    Related link:


    POF have a very poor search tool, much of which has been broken for a while. (You'd think Match.com would do something with it since they brought it a while ago!)
  • 0

    It's something I've thought about and studied for some years.

    As its hard to do everything I want in one lifetime, the more I can help others to build a better world, the more I can work on other projects that no one else is.

    But I am concerned in our effort to make things better, we actually end up making it worse !

    As such, it might be worth doing some simulations with simple AI dating entities to see if an improved dating site helps, or hinders human progress..

    As such, the ideal site might be one actually designed to make the whole process harder. :-)

    Maybe POF has bugs designed on purpose, rather than mistakes. :-)
  • 5
    I too am interested to see how this will work with privacy in mind. Wouldn't a random stranger that you are matched against be able to see your details?
  • 1
    My dot is placed.
  • 1
    @LrdShaper I'm thinking out a matching system with privacy very much in mind and I've actually got an idea :)
  • 5
    @linuxxx most of us are dying to find out :)
  • 0
    @LrdShaper Something with hashes, salts, redis databases and encryption :)
  • 0

    Pictures are good.

    You might need some of those hired people to moderate pictures before they are published to cut down on folk posting porn. :-)

    And not have tons of stupid rules on what can't be in a picture like some sites !

    Stupid rules seen on sites include:

    No topless pictures of men.

    No pictures of anything but your face.

    Picture must be at least xy pixels in size.

    You could have as some sites do, public pictures and private picture options.

    Bare in mind this also brings in legal issues to worry about !

    Avatars do make that somewhat simpler. :-)

    Though not really that useful when folk often date based on looks..

    It would be like a site selling houses or cars with just avatars.
  • 0
    Lookig forward to checking this out. Maybe take Jodel as an inspiration?
  • 1

    It would be a good starting point for ML, though I reckon you'd need staff for the years of transition as the ML learns what it should be doing right and wrong, with staff employed to deal with the fuzzy cases.

    But the less rules you have, the less staff you need to enforce them. :-)

    I've seen forum systems with almost no rules, manage perfectly fine, if you give users the tools to manage themselves.

    Less effective user tools = more moderation required.

    But the tools can be ultra simple and be effective.

    One might need to experiment for a while with test servers and different tools, to determine which tool is better than another.

    "How was your day?"

    "Oh I had to code up a solution to search for nipples in photographs.."
  • 0
    I'm still a PHP beginner but maybe I can help out a bit, sounds like an interesting project :)
  • 0
    @irene As I mentioned earlier, encryption for example.
  • 0
    @fuzzy-logic I have no clue yet!
  • 1
    @irene Yes it can work that way. Just not like the traditional dating sites work but that's also not what I'm aiming for :)
  • 2
    I'll be happy to help. Sounds great
  • 1
    I'm down to help if you want to get this off the ground. I know a few friends who could benefit from this
  • 1
    I can help with PHP.
  • 0
    I can help with testing, I'm good at breaking things. :-)
  • 2
    πŸ“Œnot so sure about PHP, but I can help with React, React Native app, and Express server.
    BTW, Dev girl is like unicornπŸ¦„, they are so rare! I hope this thing won't go sideways, n become a Dev gay dating site.πŸ‘
  • 4
    @sunfishcc I wouldn't say dev girls are rare, but we surely lack visibility.
  • 2
    @rising once I meet a girl who knows octocat is the best cat. So sad to let her go 😭
  • 0
    I really want to see this happen, I could help with php, sql ... although no experience in group projects etc
  • 0
    I wouldn't mind helping you guys out.
  • 1
    @Linux BTW privacy is an illusion from human kind πŸ˜‰
  • 0
    Love how this kind of began descending into an almost /r/niceguys rant πŸ˜‚

    This would be an interesting project though, but yes, you need to overcome the gender imbalance (for heterosexual pairings), as well as ensuring that any biases along lines of attractiveness / self moderation etc etc are dealt with.
  • 0
    With the whole Facebook dating thing, maybe it's time to look at this again. At least for the devs.
  • 0
    I'm in if it's still on.
    - front end developer
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