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I. FUCKING. HATE. MOBILE. DEVELOPMENT.

I already manage the data, devops, infra, and most of the backend dev.

We had a mobile guy. He was great. I never had to think about it and kept moving quickly on my work. #SpecializationOfLaborFTW

He left. Why? Because they wouldn't give him a small raise despite being one of the best mobile engineers in the firm. WTF.

I made the mistake of picking up just enough slack on this workflow in the interim such that I'm, apparently, the fucking god-damned release manager, fixer of pipelines, fixer of build configs, fixer of anything where someone just needs to RTFM for a half-hour to not fucking break things.

Now, 8 months later...and, apparently, Fortune 500 companies are too fucking god-damned cheap to pay for someone who actually knows WTF they're doing for a very reasonable thing to have at least one dedicated set of eyes for.

I never wanted to be a mobile dev.
I never will want to be a mobile dev.
And I certainly don't want to manage your HALF-FACE-FUCKED detached expo configs.

There's a reason I never intentionally involved myself in mobile. All the way down, it's just shitty cross-compilation, transpilation, dependency-hell, brittle-as-fuck build processes so we can foot-gun and mouth-gun react-native and expo and babel and whatever the fuck else cargo-culted horseshit into the wild.

And why? What's the actual fucking root cause? The biggest white elephant that ever fucking elephant-ed? It's because Apple and Google decided to never collaborate on a truly-native cross-platform SDK--where engineers could write native code that compiles to native binaries that's simply write-once, run-everywhere. They know they could have done that, and they didn't. So what'd they get back? Expo--a too-cleverly-designed backdoor/hack--more-or-less a way to circumvent the sane release process software has usually followed: code -> executable -> deploy. Or code -> deploy (for interpreted langs). Expo's like "keep your same executable, we're just gonna to do updates by injecting new code into it whenever we want". Didn't we learn anything with web? Shit gets messy real quick? Not to mention: HEY EXPO, WE WERE ALREADY BUILDING NATIVE APPS, YOU SHORT-SIGHTED FUCKS. THANKS FOR LURING OUR CTOs INTO FORCING EXPO DOWN OUR THROATS W/ THE IMPLICIT (BUT INCORRECT) TOO-GOOD-TO-BE-TRUE PROMISE THAT WE CAN HAVE WRITE-ONCE, RUN-ANYWHERE WITHOUT ANY BUY-IN OR COOPERATION FROM THE ACTUAL TARGET PLATFORMS.

And, we just, like, accept this? We all know it's garbage engineering. The principles we learned in the classroom aren't just academic abstractions--they actually yield real-world results--and eschewing them yields real-world failures. Expo is tightly-coupled to high-heaven, with leaky abstractions six-ways-to-christmas, chock-full of foot-guns, and fails the most basic test of quality: does it, "just work?"

Expo is fucking shameful and it should fucking die. Its promises are too bold, its land-mines too many, its future-proof-ness is alway, always, always questionable as fuck and a risk to every project that uses it.

You want a rant? This is my fucking venue, 'tis not? Well, then this is a piss and vinegar rant straight from my blood-red, beating fucking heart:

EXPO FUCKING SUCKS. AND IF YOU'RE A FAN, YOU FUCKING SUCK TOO.

Comments
  • 29
    Fucking hell, this is absolute GOLD.

    As a previous mobile dev: I feel you, I fucking hated it, was thinking I was going to love it, but just continued to hate this.

    Fuck this, fuck what you're going through and fuck shitty firms that won't hire properly for this shit.
  • 23
    Quality, old-school ranting.
  • 5
    Top-drawer rant here, and from my limited experience of Expo yeah, fuck that for a laugh.
  • 9
    Good one. Well argumented too. I didn't know bout Expo. I am absolutelly against it already!
  • 2
    @AtuM Save your soul. YAGNI & KISS FTW.
  • 3
    Quality on this rant is stellar 🚀🛰️🌟
  • 2
    I’ve never done mobile development, but wow, this is a true masterpiece. Well done!
  • 9
    I like this rant. This is why I joined devrant, to see people bursting into flames of anger and releasing it all here.

    On another note, my condolences for your job :p. Any chance you can change jobs or talk to someone higher up so that you don't have to deal with this anymore?
  • 0
    Favorited (it is so a word!)

    The only thing missing from this rant is a comparison of leaky abstractions to LBS (Leaky Bowel Syndrome).
  • 1
    Hahaha I've used expo - it's not so bad imho, my guess is you are using an older version of it due to CoRpOrAtE RulEs or some shit? Then yes, this could be painful, very painful...
  • 2
    I tried to use expo for a month 3 years ago and it did not end well.
  • 1
    Quality rant.
  • 0
    I wouldn’t focus on expo too much. If you’re working on something you don’t enjoy working, it’s probably time for you to move on. I recently were in pretty much the same situation and I’ve decided to move on.
  • 2
    I've been doing mobile for four years now. If you're doing something that only have a few features or dealing with mostly data, it's great. But if you need to use the actual system API, then you're in for a world of hurt. You can have the best architecture going and the maintenance is still going to take a toll.
  • 3
    Reading your previous rants I can see the rage building and it's great.

    Let it all out man.

    Sometimes I think, I should've just been a baker.
  • 2
    Just read up on Expo, can understand where you're coming from 🙁

    Too bad the guy didn't get the raise too, sounds like he deserved it.
  • 0
    Screw that company
  • 0
    I thought it was all dart/flutter in the cross platform mobile dev world these days. Is that just as bad?
  • 0
    Now this is a great rant. Tagged wrong, but still a great rant.
  • 0
    R E S I G N ✌️
  • 3
    Expo/RN works decently ONLY when all the thing your app does is querying APIs and displaying the response. Try to add any native functionality at all and you've got a burning mess of code.
  • 2
    the only mobile dev i'm willing to do is switching the target platform in Unity to "Android" amd hitting Build.

    everything beyond that is bullshit just as this rant describes.
  • 2
    > no common SDK between Apple and Android

    cursed thought: doesn't Unity work for both?
  • 1
    @Parzi eekkk UI designing with unity is not very easy 😅 unless i missed something

    Interesting candidate though 🤔
  • 1
    @jkommeren you shouldn't use unity for general apps anyway, hence it being a cursed thought
  • 0
    Rants about something Justified. And I'm just over here like "3% of the populatiob farms. so when it all crashes and burns because of ww3 started over the u.s.-vs china-vs. russian mobetary system, everyone fucking dies or eats each other."

    internet, whats that? come huddle by the fire and I can tell you about the before-before times.
  • 0
    @syedakmalcode everything and everyone in the economy is absolute dogshit broken bro. There's no money left for any company to do anything apparently. So they just Shuffle shit at the wage workers and salary men, cuz even the best of them are replaceable now. And then they tell you to go into a trade never minding that cost a fucking fortune and takes ages these days, and you can just be replaced by workers brought in that get paid under the table. Not knocking them, just the General State of Labor in the West.

    The Fortune 500 company can't afford to hire a mobile dev either mobile Developers are massively overpriced, or the entire industry is about to implode anyway.
  • 0
    I like the energy of this rant. Never heard of Expo and I already hate it
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