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Client: We need to add a field to the model that serves as a unique identifier

Dev: You already have one, it’s the _id property

Client: We want another! This one is for a task number so we can make a connection between the database record and our ERP.

Dev: Ah I see. I can add that for you. Is this truly a unique identifier or will you be using the same ERP identifier for multiple database records?

Client: I already said it’s a unique identifier. One ERP record to one database record, end of story! To do otherwise would be absolutely ridiculous! You should think for yourself before you ask silly questions.

Dev: My apologies I just want to make sure to clarify exactly what the requirements are.

**6 months later**

Client: HOW COME I CAN’T ASSIGN THE SAME UNIQUE IDENTIFIER TO MULTIPLE DATABASE RECORDS??? CAN’T PROGRAMMERS GET ANYTHING RIGHT EVER??

Dev: …

Comments
  • 34
    *Points enthusiastically to the requirements document they signed off on.*
  • 5
    @sariel Just need to give them the curtesy week to cool off. The Muppets.
  • 10
    @sariel they they will say “you should have know a bad requirement when you saw it” 😂 some people are not capable of admitting fault.
  • 4
    I hate the customers that show that they know database or programming concepts, but they don't know anything
  • 4
    Also, if this is really an id, why would they need another one? An id is an id, you can use it for all purposes that need ids. Or did they want it to be another data type?
  • 4
    @Lensflare they just wanted to be right.
  • 3
    @jeeper and that's when you respond with, "our teams try to accommodate every request from clients regardless of sentiment about the request. We expect you to have a better understanding of how your business uses the tools you utilize and have a clear understanding of how your business will be impacted by the changes you request. If this is not the case we will continue to support you while you proceed to look for another vendor to take on the responsibilities that we are unable to support."

    That raises so many red flags to upper management, and the PM will probably be reviewed.
  • 2
    @sariel It's even better when the client is the one who wrote the requirements or if your dealing with statistics programs the calculation instructions....
  • 3
    @TestInProd423 *insert spiderman meme but instead of pointing, their lips are firmly attached to the others butthole.*

    I cannot even fathom the density of these assholes. I would ask them to calculate it, but clearly they're unable to comprehend the gravity of their own stupidity.
  • 2
    @Lensflare I know right????? Sheesh everyone has to make everything so fucking hard sometimes
  • 2
    @sariel Cursed Human Ouroboros?

    Edit - An ouroboros is a symbol of a dragon eating its own tail, making a circular shape
  • 1
    @AvyChanna I'm well versed in alchemy 🤌
  • 3
    @Lensflare customers want to add something unique that is also semantic so they can identify it on a table.
    TICKET-FIXLOADBTN-462 is better than a random number.
  • 1
    I got a similar request. I didn't complain. Two results:

    - Some customers started complaining that having repeated "names" didn't make sense and just confused

    - There was certain functionality that became impossible or at least very difficult because the names were not unique.
  • 3
    I think the client has a different understanding of the word called unique.
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