Hey, Root? How do you test your slow query ticket, again? I didn't bother reading the giant green "Testing notes:" box on the ticket. Yeah, could you explain it while I don't bother to listen and talk over you? Thanks.

And later:
Hey Root. I'm the DBA. Could you explain exactly what you're doing in this ticket, because i can't understand it. What are these new columns? Where is the new query? What are you doing? And why? Oh, the ticket? Yeah, I didn't bother to read it. There was too much text filled with things like implementation details, query optimization findings, overall benchmarking results, the purpose of the new columns, and i just couldn't care enough to read any of that. Yeah, I also don't know how to find the query it's running now. Yep, have complete access to the console and DB and query log. Still can't figure it out.

And later:

Hey Root. We pulled your urgent fix ticket from the release. You know, the one that SysOps and Data and even execs have been demanding? The one you finished three months ago? Yep, the problem is still taking down production every week or so, but we just can't verify that your fix is good enough. Even though the changes are pretty minimal, you've said it's 8x faster, and provided benchmark findings, we just ... don't know how to get the query it's running out of the code. or how check the query logs to find it. So. we just don't know if it's good enough.

Also, we goofed up when deploying and the testing database is gone, so now we can't test it since there are no records. Nevermind that you provided snippets to remedy exactly scenario in the ticket description you wrote three months ago.

And later:

Hey Root: Why did you take so long on this ticket? It has sat for so long now that someone else filed a ticket for it, with investigation findings. You know it's bringing down production, and it's kind of urgent. Maybe you should have prioritized it more, or written up better notes. You really need to communicate better. This is why we can't trust you to get things out.

*twitchy smile*

  • 8
    Come on 80K!
  • 18
    My therapist told me, “Don’t listen to the voices telling you to hold back, focus on the ones telling you to burn them all.”

    Or was it the other way, round? I keep forgetting. But I like it better this way.
  • 23
    DBA: I can't figure out how to get the query Rails is running.

    Me: Have... have you tried `.to_sql`?

    DBA: I was already aware of that, but thanks for letting me know.
  • 4
    I wish we could beam you out of there...

  • 1
    @IntrusionCM I do too, but there's literally no place better.

    Same same... But different.
  • 15
    @root Sounds like a fun enviroment to work in.

    I would suggest you stop being part of the solution, and become part of the problem. Same as everyone else. Spend a lot more time talkimg about how solve problems, instead of solving them, while complaining DBA did bot do his thing, Exec A did not provide time tables, and budget, and that PM did not force QA to test as they should.
  • 2
    One of those days? 😅
  • 10
    I didn’t read your rant. Please could you be angry at me for no reason?

    I’m kidding I read it 😅 or did I?!?!
  • 1
    Idk if it's still worth for you to stay there. Perhaps it's time to start looking for a new start at another company? I mean noone said you can't continue working while looking for a less toxic env.

    And no, getting down to their level is not a good option. It'll be hard to get back to tech savvy.
  • 0
    I already yielded that ticket comments are for me to cover my arse. Not for collaboration.
  • 7
    @gogokun I have been absolutely thinking the same. If I strike out on my own, I’m probably going to leave web dev and pursue game dev again.

    @netikras It isn’t. Now that my health is a little better, I’ve been looking and applying elsewhere, and thinking of other projects I could do on my own.

    @bastianrob The extensive ticket notes don’t seem to be enough for even that. No one cares to read them, and I still get blamed despite everything I’ve done and explained and provided. It isn’t good enough because they don’t listen or read. It’s insane — and honestly? It just makes me laugh. What other reaction could I have but to laugh at the sheer ridiculousness of it?
  • 0
    @Root we could always rant about them here 🤣
  • 1
    @bastianrob That’s why I’m here!
  • 2
    Update: I’m now rewriting the ticket another way. With 50% slower results.

    Also, I got chewed out for being frustrated with how everyone has handled the ticket. Apparently no one else knew it was a high-priority ticket, despite it, you know, fixing something that’s bringing down production every week. And me telling them this repeatedly. But hey, no one listens to me unless I’m saying what they expect me to say.

    And, as I stated above, I’m now rewriting the ticket. Such priority. Much urgency. Wow.

    Just another day at work.

    (I do agree on the ticket changes, though, as the new approach is simpler and no longer requires a db migration)
  • 1
    @Root Avoid the lands of fruits and nuts if you can.
  • 1
    @Demolishun I hope it suddenly blinks out of existence.
  • 1
    This job doesn't deserve you, god fucking damn it.
  • 1
  • 2
    Big hugs, friend. You’re a saint, really.
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