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Met a girl in an app. She is hot 10/10. Sense of humor is 10/10. Empathy, integrity is 3/10. I’ve realized she is an addict of Marijuana. We’ve been talking for a month and she’s stood me up once. Then went traveling. Says she misses me. Then goes cold. And back and forth. This shit is a fucking headache. Just today she was stoned and telling me its not gonna work, I want kids and marriage and she can’t give me that. She sends me nudes and promises we will meet at the end of the month. This entire fucking thing is an emotional rollercoaster. I don’t feel the same at work. My productivity is suffering. My gut says to block her. And I fucking hate the thought of it but it’s right for my peace of mind and productivity. I just wonder how long I should fight since we have such fun conversations. I’ve lots all trust for her. She’s basically like a permanent fixture of my digital life it seems. And that’s depressing as hell. I’m giving her two weeks to show in my physical life otherwise I’ve set a date in my calendar where I must block. Addiction doesn’t even cut it, I feel addicted to this person. The jokes the laughter, the beauty. It’s torture.

Comments
  • 0
    For all the upside of the web and digital presence, gone are the days of talking to someone on the phone and if you liked them go and be with them physically. Some people can get what they need met digitally without needing to risk physically.
  • 14
    If you really want kids and family and she puts the addiction first I say cut the ties, it will hurt yes, but if you already can see that it will mot work its better to not wait until its to late.

    I should mention also that I hate drugs also since I have seen close up how they can destroy people that looses control.

    So I am personally very biased against addicts.
  • 2
    Hmm i would advise for blocking her if she doesnt show up as you say.

    And trust me, you dont want to be the one helping her get off her addiction (if u even want to do that if she shows). That will just bring urself down.

    As you say yourself, shes already breaking ur life.

    But if you get to meet her i wish you good luck and that it goes well! Keep us posted :)
  • 7
    Its your imagination and expectations thats killing you.
    Tone that shit a lot, you dont have to block her just expect to never meet her and let her persue you. If both of you loose interests then fine. Just try to control yourself, i know it may be hard but with practice its worth it and it can be applied to many other similar situations in life.
  • 5
    If you're gonna block her, can we have the nudes? Asking for a friend.
  • 0
    Act like you’re not really that interested. It drives most women crazy.
  • 4
    Drop her
    Just stop calling her
    She'll call you
    Give her the cold shoulder once and awhile
    Plan on dumping her if this works
    Otherwise be thankful
    Good riddance
    The type you're describing is a cliche personality type and IT turns uglier the more infatuated you become
  • 4
    If I were you, I'd set my expectations that she's not a marriage material and only good for nudes and s3x [if you get any]. And as a pretty thing to look at. No more.

    With that thought in mind I'd keep the connection and take all the good she can give, without any expectations. Until smth solid comes up.

    If you *really* feel for her and want her, give a try and talk to her, offer her to help lose the addiction, bcz with it you don't see this working out. And explain why, ofc.
  • 3
    Regarding the distant future with kids and stuff or even some chilling together on the sofa alike relationship fanatasies it indeed seems not so reasonable to continue this. I can totally understand the urge to say: let this go.
    But there is also another perspective. As @BioDan pointed out, it's time to block some thoughts, not necessarily a number. You get nudes from 10/10, why giving up this pleasant present for an image of a future that will never happen anyway? In the end maybe this foolness, that you fell in love and go straight step 300 bevor even the first one in your mind is frighten her and a reason why shes acting so weird; who knows.
    Just try to relax and look at it as an experience or even experiment. A chance to learn something. It's not about your future wife, but does it mean you have to finish it? Maybe it's about getting lucky from time to time. Or just about getting experience and confidence. If 10/10 likes you somehow maybe even future wife does, which you will met next month? Maybe, if you risk a little bit of adventure, let 10/10 boost some chaos in your life... maybe this is what you need to be ready to meet future wife. Don't let this go without need. And consider, that your productivity at work is not everything that matters. May it suck for a while. May this not a time to grow professionally, but a time to grow emotionally by taking the risk of keep this going and figure out what it has going for you!
  • 1
    The thing that’s difficult about keeping her in my life is expectation setting. If I just assign her a value as friend, and then I’m gonna be horny and encourage her to send nudes. And then whoever I actually want to date who is wife material may not measure up and then it’s stopping me from advancing with those women. I suppose it could have the opposite effect of if I meet someone that takes my mind off of her then I know it’s really something. I just am concerned about her interference in my dating life. It’s a big interference.
  • 0
    Love is an impossible feeling to analyze, sometimes we just feel totally surrounded by the constant presence of someone, sometimes we decide to build a wall between feeling and people for the protection of a personal space and mental health, but we can't decide rationally who is that one's than can climb over our defenses system,

    It's alway fine to take time to think about yourself and your choice, time comes with answers,

    In this time you may think deeply about the situation and trying to fight your personal demons put everything on a weight scale for knowing exactly the incidence of it and value with calm,

    First of all yourself
    Love is a compromise but there is a line than we can't cross

    Find the line
  • 1
    You might want to bore them to death rather than blocking them, so they leave you alone !

    Reason being, a blocked person can become a stalker..

    Then you will get meet them as they throw rocks through your window to get your attention, and phone you up late at night to issue you with death threats..

    If you did get to meet them, they sound the kind of person you'd catch something nasty off, even just by kissing !
  • 0
    I'm reminded these days I have no one like that in my life.

    I guess that is why life is dull and peaceful !

    I wonder where the normal people hang out..
  • 0
    You have video chatted to know they are who they say they are right ?

    And checked their picture GPS tags to see they are where they say they are too ?

    Found their LinkedIn profile ?

    Facebook account ?

    They might already be married with 3 kids !

    They might also not always been the gender they are currently, or the age they say they are, and they could be pregnant !

    And, have they served any prison time ?

    Oh, and are they wanted by the authorities for anything ?

    I find insisting on passports for a first date is sensible !

    In a crowded public place, just like spies R US do. :-)

    I think that covers it..
  • 2
    Why else do you think she is still dating, if she is a 10/10? lol.

    Either embrace the mess or dump the bitch and be the man stop living, thinking or dying by the dick
  • 0
    @Nanos Or go single and drama-free life. ;)
  • 1
    @jassole Drama free, but it is like starvation, no fun at all !

    I think I've worked out how to do it well next time, just act like an asshole on purpose, get what I want, and wait for them to leave after telling everyone how awful I am.

    Rinse and repeat.

    Better than them lying about me being an asshole, me being "too nice" ( That's the old fashioned term, not the new fandangled meme that means pretending to be nice. ), and them going on a revenge mission because I dared dump them !

    Now I understand why all the previous men they dated was 'assholes'.. :-)
  • 0
    @Nanos Agree, I like transactional relationship. Both parties are honest about what they want, contract signed. So I might be a sugar daddy in the future (lol).

    If she really wants you, she will go out of her way to make shit happen, otherwise if she plays too hard to catch I wonder if it is worth investing the time. But most western women are undate-able imo...
  • 0
    For this dude chances are, she is a thot. She is sending nudes not just to him ;)
  • 0
    Who needs a real person these days anyhow:

    Even holding hands in public, you can get a standin for that !
  • 0
    And if you need photographic proof you aren't single..

    https://boredpanda.com/fake-girlfri...
  • 1
    @Nanos bruh if you make it depressing its going to be depressing lol. I guess don't really have the urge anymore to have a girlfriend.

    I laugh at most couples because the guy is usually putting up with so much dumb shit and drama and frankly wasting his time just to prevent himself from being alone.

    I do want to have children and I'll likely marry some girl from asia, your chances for stable relationship are much better.
  • 0
    @jassole I find it can get depressing without me trying !

    Yeah, you can be much more productive when you aren't wasting time putting up with dumb shit.

    Though I'm not sure what I'm being productive for..

    Make the world a better place ?

    When many in the world will complain no matter what you do, that you are making the world a worst place !

    Want to build a solar farm, think of the tortoises !
  • 1
    looks matter, but please don't prioritise this as looks is not worthy if your mental health suffers.

    If you want it to work, then it requires both sides to be willing to make it work, she's clearly not into that.

    Look the shit you're going through now, it won't get better if she doesn't change and it is clear that she doesn't want to.

    You can't force people to change because of your expectations. If you do that, this is your control of her and that often backfires in a very bad way.

    just my 2 cents
  • 0
    @jassole

    Yeah, I thought I was onto a winner with an Asian girl.

    Until she ran off with a pretend millionaire ! :-(

    Though I reckon I've now figured out what went wrong there, and how to prevent the same thing happening the next time.

    Oh wait, maybe I want the next one to leave too !

    Anyhow the key areas I need to work on are:

    Most attractive weight for my height, a few kg too few, or too many, and you quickly become not attractive enough to date.

    A method of transport, ideally a 2 seater !

    I'm not sure a pedal car counts, but we'll find out. :-)

    A high enough disposable income..

    Physical strength, at least able to lift 120lb.
  • 0
    @jassole I hear Colombian women can also make good partners.
  • 0
    I think as I get older, I could manage better to just take what I need from a less than ideal relationship, until something better comes along.

    Or both at the same time..

    Keep expectations low, or even, non-existent !

    Eg. You might plan to do something with your mates on the weekend, or another friend, or maybe your new friend, but if they don't show, you have a fallback option that you can slot into play at a moments notice.

    This might mean if your new friend is late, and doesn't txt you to let you know, that you will have gone already and be doing something else with someone else instead !

    Think of them as an optional extra.

    It is, after all, how they think of you..

    Just think, with a bit of effort, you too can be alone and in charge !

    Instead of alone and not in charge. :-)

    Now, maybe if you had 100 friends like that, one of them might pan out for something, on some day..

    But where do you find that many of them !

    Or even one these days..
  • 0
    Maybe I'm too picky..

    I'm reminded in my dating profile it says something like:

    "No smokers, drug users, or vapers."

    Even so, the last one I chatted to for some months, was a drug addict ! ( Hard drugs. )

    I guess she didn't read my profile !

    I am reminded after several months she wanted me to move in with her..

    Which I declined, since the last time I did that, a few months later I got kicked out and replaced by someone else !

    So I'm not falling for that again !

    Still, it was a useful experience, as I got to experiment being a different me to her.

    I'm reminded an ex of mine ( Another addict.. ) died.

    Badoo/hot or not used to be good for meeting folk, but since they got rid of the search tools, it is much harder to find someone you want.

    Plus I think there isn't as many folk on it as there used to be..
  • 1
    @Nanos "want to make the world a better place" is a sure-fire way to easily demotivate yourself and not take any action because you have already decided all actions you take are futile.

    Only politicians, virtue signallers use that line but they don't do it themselves. If you want to do good, do a business, exchange your value, so others give you money in return for your skills/product.

    Its true you got to find your passion, but you could start with making yourself better. Be the ideal man you've always wanted to be, that doesn't involve satisfying anyone. Try to leave a legacy behind your name. (Maybe say a few hundred people can remember it, doesn't have to be the entire world).
  • 0
    @jassole

    Oh I've a list of actions which I think wouldn't be futile, but like the atom, many of them could be used for good or evil purposes.

    Like the person who invented Facebook, should they really have done that..

    I've been trying my entire life to make myself better. :-)

    I've only become wise enough, and read enough to figure out what aspects of me I should be working on, and which are pointless !

    Though I'm sure there would be some use being able to do the Rubik Cube in under 14 seconds..

    I hope to leave some good in the world, but then I also plan to never leave the world too !

    Well, maybe to go to another world. :-)

    But avoiding death is a full time job you know. :-)

    Hence the name..

    https://reuters.com/article/...

    ---

    Nanotech could make humans immortal by 2040, futurist says

    ---

    Which is handy, as then in 500 years time, one will be able to pay off ones mortgage !
  • 0
    ---

    If you want to do good, do a business

    ---

    Or an open source project, these days you don't have to make a profit. :-)

    Though it does help to have something to pay the rent as the saying goes !
  • 1
    @Nanos If the world goes to shit, I'll still be at peace within myself. I simply won't let the world trap me into a corner. I'll find a way, I'll play the game, I'll master the moves, or I'll die at least knowing I've tried rather than not doing it at all. Its all about the mindset.
  • 1
    @Nanos Exactly what I mean here thinking in absoluteness: https://devrant.com/rants/6265265/...
  • 1
    ---

    politicians

    ---

    I remember being one of those once. :-)

    It was a real challenge having no budget, and no power to get things done !

    But for the few months I was in such a position, I did manage to enrich peoples lives, it wasn't easy mind you.

    Loopholes are your best friend for action I found !

    Not an easy game to play.

    These days, I think it is even harder to get anything done, so I'm not overly keen to try again.

    Maybe one day, when I get a spare moment. :-)
  • 0
    @jassole The world here went to shit about 40 years ago !
  • 1
    @Nanos Perhaps, may be true but there is always a way to find solace, happiness, joys in the things you can control. ;)

    In this case, not worring about dumb bitches. Stop seeking validations, really... Society isn't a ultimate decider for morals.

    Other option is blissful ignorance.
  • 3
    She’s a person you haven’t met in a dating app:
    The pictures she’s sending you are probably not taken for you. Hundred percent not only sent to you.
    She indicates she doesn’t want a relationship with you. She also gives the indication by not meeting for a long while, she’s not that keen to go to the psychical step either. She seeks attention and approval from you. Getting with other guys,when she can’t get these from them, she comes back to you. She wants to keep you around, uses you as an emotional pillow. This’s manipulation.
    Not everything is physical, she’s not providing anything. Some women can use men exactly the same as some men do. They give exactly the same treatment they’re getting. They’re not fussed and mess men up who think about them. Take it as if comes until you find your wife??This already messes you. High value women won’t put up with messed up men. Do you want that?
  • 1
    As a weed smoker myself, I can assure you there is nothing addictive about any of the plant's properties.. the feeling it gives you, on the other hand, is like free candy to anybody with an addictive personality. But those people tend to have other stability issues as a result of that personality.

    Having just come out of an almost 5 year relationship, going from dating to engaged to single, and ironically also with someone who smokes (in my opinion) an obscene amount of weed, I would tend to agree with the majority here... for the sake of your personal health and mental well being, just move on with your life.

    The more time you spend here waiting for something, the less time you'll have to be out there experiencing life.
  • 1
    Sounds like you’ve met an interesting friend, but a bad match for partner
  • 1
    @cwkjwok good point. I’ve already lost one match that was going pretty good. I stopped being interested as this person is captivating my attention like a drug. TBH, it’s getting clearer in my head. She said some shit while high which totally turned me off. Also said she is bi polar from the weed. At this point we are just friends. And I’ve told her if she doesn’t drop the weed then there’s no future. And that I’d help her in that. I just feel the weed has messed up her mind over time. She said she smoked every day of college. That shit is not normal!!!
  • 0
    @ZaLiTHkA this is pretty indicative of her behavior. It’s scary honestly. She becomes a new person when high. I really want no part in it.
  • 0
    Just want to say thanks everyone and holy shit this community is awesome. Like I didn’t have to shell out hundreds of dollars for Therapy haha. Just come on here and rant.
  • 0
    I hope I can get out of this without therapy. Lol. I guess I’m just fucking bored and haven’t found the right person yet. Just trying to enjoy my life. And get back into routine after the holidays.
  • 0
    It might as well be weed triggering extreme highs on her brain. Good on you! Kindness goes a long way.
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