AboutSoftware tester, script monkey, web developer.
SkillsJS, HTML, CSS, Java, Gradle, Ant, Git, making coffee and breaking servers.
Joined devRant on 7/9/2016
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so... while this may not be *my* code, I do have to claim a fair share of the responsibility for allowing it to exist. o.o
I'm busy fixing it now though.
> note: proprietary names have been blurred, naturally.2
I guess that's one is both a rant and a !rant. O.o
..that moment when your "get up and study" alarm goes off at 4am, and you're already studying.
Take project notes on an exam pad.
Unfortunately, this is something I see virtually every day at work... Even while they're at their computer with our online project tracker open in front of them.1
OMFG. Here's a self-rant for you all...
So, working on a JS library to build widgets, I five across some weird behaviour where I expect `$.ajax.apply()` to pass something to the chained `.done()` method, but it comes out differently.
Fuck. Right, time to visit StackOverflow and glean some knowledge.
I post a question, complete with examples and descriptions and a little midget unicorn in the corner for world peace.
Come back a bit later to see what's happened, and nobody understands my damn question!
So I proceed to debate a few points with some other devs, going back and forth for a while, but still nobody knows what I'm asking.
Fuck. Time for a JSFiddle...
Copy code from the jQuery docs and start modifying it to show what I was working with... Now suddenly is all working as the docs say.
So I go look back at my own code again to try work out what's actually going on.
Turns out I completely missed MY OWN CODE.
So I'm working on a snippet of JS to generate widgets for a custom data dashboard at the moment, in a project where I've been paired with a junior "developer" (he's more of a junior script monkey though), which is just plain painful...
Recently he wrote up a long message bitching about how my library API keeps changing, making it impossible for him to get any of his work done.. This particular message even made references to "writing his own widget library" and "stabbing me in the eye".
It's currently at version 0.1.0-ALPHA, just by the way. Major version 0 mother fucker.
Anyways, one of my colleagues stepped in the other day to try help him with the front-end stuff, which finally helped me get the feedback I was asking for. At which point we found out he's still currently working off a build I gave him 4 fucking weeks back.
Honestly though, I'd both love and hate to see him try make a library to do this: pull data from a non-standards company data API, parse said data from unnamed number arrays nested up to 4 levels deep, then morph that data into one of four different charts or one of five made up of custom markup.
All he has to do is create a UI to configure and present my widgets, but he can't even figure out how to integrate dependency management into his front-end project.
OMG. Can I stab him?? Pretty please?1
Fuck you, insomnia.. You're a bastard.
That's it, I don't have enough energy for more. Pretty sure this "sleep every second night" pattern is involved somehow though...6
So I get to work this morning and see this interesting little contraption on my work colleague's desk.
Safety first: make sure there's a warning sign... Lol.
No idea what he's doing with it though, guess I'll find out later.7
So, awesome clip to use for testing... Problem is, I found this in the codebase for a production app.
You know there's something seriously wrong with a "framework" when it takes 20 minutes to figure out how to SHIFT A BUTTON INSIDE A HEADER.
Fuck you jQuery Mobile. I wish you had never been born.
So... I know this isn't a rant, in fact it's not even related to computers, but it's so epic I just have to share.
The other day at work, we ordered lunch from a local Thai chef, whom I challenged to make me a properly hot Thai style stir fry pork dish.
I think he understood, because it was just perfect. (:5
Oh god, so many... I'll list my top two then, just because I can't decide which one was actually better. (:
One of my work colleagues left to go to Cape Town, so we filled his Corsa sedan with helium balloons and wrapped his car with clingwrap. :D The good sport that he was, he still climbed in and drove forwards about 2m with all the balloons. Lol.
Then for my boss's birthday, we wrapped literally everything on and around his desk in newspaper. His phone, monitor (secondary for a laptop), his shelves, everything on the shelves, etc. Took him a few hours before he could get back to work stuff after that, and some things still stayed wrapped for a few months... If I can find the photos from this I'll share them.
Ah, we have so much fun here... Hehe.
So let's break this down: it's now 2017, the world of development is overflowing with flexible systems written in dynamic coding languages running on powerful hardware. A great deal of which is available to use for free.
This morning I FINALLY got one member of our "R&D" team at work to implement a proper logging system in one of our numerous Java apps... So she adds "log4j-1.2-api.jar" to her project.
I'm still (3 years down the line) trying to convince them to let me rewrite their build scripts to integrate some sort of dependency management system, since they still use the default generated build for Ant as provided by Netbeans.
There is one bright side though: we're so-fucking-close to being able to ditch MS VSS!
*queue slow clap*
At this rate, how long do you think it will be before we can finally get away from using JDK 1.6 for everything?3
So, I imagine this little prank is about as old as graphical OS interfaces, but anyways.. Now and then I will take a screenshot of someone's desktop, set that image as their wallpaper, then hide all their icons, make their taskbar (or plural for Linux) to the smallest possible size, and wait for them to try use their PC.
One day a few years back, I tried to catch my mom with this trick, but although it was still pretty epic, it did not happen quite as I expected.
Suffice to say with her knowledge of keyboard shortcuts, she actually used her laptop for about an hour before she noticed none of the taskbar buttons were working.
Yay for trying to prank people who actually know how to use a computer. Lol.1
This has now completely ruined my opinion of strawberries and cream (and shit).
Thank you so much, Glade. O.o4
....that moment, late at night, when you've just closed that remote terminal to your network media server, tweaking that custom tree listing script, and then you put your phone down and roll over.