Conversation I just heard

Manager: How's everyone doing?

Dev: I'm actually really tired. I've been having trouble concentrating and reading. I think I need a vacation.

Manager: Oh but that's good. You see, the brain is like a muscle. Today you lift 30kg, tomorrow you lift 40kg. So you will be able to handle more and more stress as you progress. That's great.

Dev: ...

That's just not right.

Wow

Stab him in the throat. It’s like a muscle, you see. First it can handle a pen, then tomorrow a Swiss Army knife, and next month a machete!

Violence in 1...2...3

And the winner is @root! lol

Sadly it doesn't work with incompetence.

You suck every day more, asshole.

Still waiting for the prolapse.

@IntrusionCM did you not use enough lube? 😁

Wow. That sounds… awful.

@IntrusionCM seems like it DOES work with incompetence

Hey good idea, tell him you want to expand on this concept! Ask him to follow this routine: lay down on the ground and have a partner stand on a chair and drop 30kg on his forehead! The next day drop 40kg! Tell him his brain will handle more weight as it strengthens its muscles after each gym session until he’s a brilliant observer of the universe! He will be promoted to SUPER MANAGER

Or tell him about an ancient technique the yoga masters in india and monks in China used thousands of years in asia that was just discovered today! They say the key to the soul and brain is in the anus muscles! To strengthen these spiritual chakra chis, one must insert a progressively larger object each day into your rectum and clench the buttocks muscle for 10 minutes for each rep! Eventually progress to vases….bonus points if you progress to a hamster

@TeachMeCode eventually he will be able to fit two raccoons, maybe three if he relaxes.

@Root are racoons the equivalent of intense condoms for more pleasure... ?

He's not exactly wrong. But to get to the point where you grow from stress and not just crumble, you need rest. Unfortunately, rest is hard to come by in a lot of places.

@cuddlyogre What is “rest”?
You mean like “I’m assigning you the rest of the tickets” or “you’ll handle the rest of the spec failures”?

@Root I count rest as one day off every 18 months. And by day off, I mean I only work two hours solving a problem that was actually user error that could have waited until I got back.

We've tried to hire help, but no one wants to work.

As dev i would call a sick day to begin with.
As a maneger i would ask the dev to go home to rest and report up as if he called a sick day.
Win Win and no vacation days spent.
+as a manager ill gain some loyaly right there.

That's a major red flag holy shit

@TeachMeCode that's precisely how he got this position in the first place

@Root 😂😂😂😂😂