I fucking hate being a Dev sometimes.

G i v e m e f u l f i l l i n g t a s k s p l e a s e

Not these shitty ones with API documentation riddled with holes 🫠😥

Used to be if I was good enough, now it's if work is going to make me a worse person than I was when I started (passionless and not apathetic)

Hello fellow desk slaves - how we doin'?

> Advice for new coders?

How much do you hate yourself?

.

(The code itself can be very rewarding)

Too drunk to devRant

Dear managers:

Don't rush developers when they're reviewing code - telling them to cut corners.

You're not a dev (anymore). This shit is important if you want a system that doesn't blow up / takes months to make a simple change.

It's my name going against this approval and I (and the team) have to live with the code every day

Gay people are so much fun

Ah yes keep me updated by texts that I can't receive 🧠

I like devRant because most people are too sleep deprived / burnt out to start flame wars

Don't cheat out on discipline

I'm as baked as a cake

Anyone else notice themselves simplifying their English text / conversations (typed or verbal) because they've been doing code for so many years?

I barely even English anymore cuz code is more expressive so I think in it's grammar;

There's an exception to every rule - even this one.

Wow I didn't realise how much money I could be saving by actually putting things in my dishwasher when I run it.
Mind-blowing right?

I used to just run my dishwasher empty every day for the fun, but now I get clean dishes too 🤯?
What a wonderful age we live in.

Thanks corporate water ad 👍

> Best part about working from home?

"People don't give me as much shit for having a wank during standups" - not me, but I wish it was

If you suspect that you know me "in real
life" {
please raise your hand &&
don't share the answer with the rest -
of the class (🤫);
} else {
enjoy the suspense 🌻💅🔪;
}

Tara

devrant is even shitter drunk.

Dance for me monkey 🐒

Can't fucking stand permanently lazy devs who don't give a shit about their craft.

Fuck off and go do something else that you actually give a shit about! *

😤😤😤😤🤬

* unless you're burnt out - then I'm sorry they overworked you x

Shut up devRant and validate my opinions

I call this piece "the codebase claims another"

Pubs are fucking brilliant. Walk in. Take a vacant seat. Order food and drinks for a good price. Live music. See all your local friends. Drink enough to barely make it home. Sorted

Dev poll: how long does it take your team to deploy a release and how often do you release?

No comments on PR after thorough review

Lesson I learnt the hard way today: ticket every fucking task (including admin) to:

A. Cover your arse (if the tickets are not ready because they haven't given us enough information, push back on it before committing too much effort to doing it)
B. Better deliverable (what you output will probably be better quality because you worked out the requirements upfront + you know the audience)
C. You have something to show management when they want to try and overwork you some more

Assign 15% of each sprint to addressing technical debt

I fucking love *unix 💏

E.g. Linux

Calling all Devs 🤙:

What's the _best_ worst code you've seen in the wild in your corporate codebases?

Include a snippet of the traumatic lines in your comments!

I'll start with a classic:
$send = $enabled ? true : false;

Me: *recommends devRant to colleagues*
Me: *now too scared to posts rants about shit at work*

Just attended a code Dojo meetup by software craftsmanship peoples - a lot of fun!

One of my new fav websites: https://canitrundoom.org/