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If Programming Languages Were Girls:

Java: Your current girlfriend, you've been going steady for a while now. Things are okay.

Kotlin: The girl Java finds you cheating on, she's just amazing, and you wish you'd met her sooner.

Visual Basic: The girl you accidentally started a relationship with because you didn't know how to say no. But quickly realised your mistake and regretted it.

JavaScript: A childhood friend you occasionally hook up with. But you could never settle for a relationship with them.

Python: A bossy, manipulative girl who quickly turned things sour. But everyone else loves her because of her huge libraries.
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My and a co worker were joking the other day about what programming languages would be like if they were girls. This is what we came up with (Original inspiration: the Distracted Boyfriend meme (Feel free to add your own!)).

Comments
  • 19
    Added to favorites for later reference xD
  • 5
  • 68
    PHP. You were forced to start the relationship. Years later so carved into your life that you can't get away from it
  • 88
    @BurningSatan PHP is more like a zombie wife. It is rotten all over and keeps falling apart but it just won't... fucking... die!
  • 4
  • 29
    C#: a girl started out as friend of visual basic girl. But always looked up for java girl for trends and swag. Ended up having some trend of her own. You broke up with her because she really don't want to cross neighborhood.
  • 60
    C++, she remembers absolutely everything and is super intelligent. You were with her for a few months but had to break it off because she was so stubborn.
  • 36
    @BradSharp she was always giving pointers
  • 50
    Ruby: The quirky girl from a foreign land you fell in love with at first sight. You get along great, but you can't shake the feeling everyone else is silently judging you as you hold hands.
  • 28
    C - The crush you had but when you got into a relationship with her, it turned sour.
  • 3
    Anyone something for go? ;D
  • 34
    Go: Very professional, very beautiful, but very uptight. She reminds you of the thing you had for Java a few years ago, but she more reminds you of all the negatives and why you eventually broke up.
  • 18
    Haskell: A girl that never wants to go out and everything she does is the only way its supposed to be done. Yet in the end you're thankful for the way she's shape you. You're now whipped.
  • 32
    "Her huge libraries" LOL
  • 14
    Also for JAVA, a girl with very talkative and little boring nature, which makes new generation not liking her. But she is a perfect material for marriage as she can cook, take care of children, parents, you and also many other things you don't even know.
  • 29
    Assembly: ur girlfriend's best friend's aunt's lesbian dog who u might've hooked up with if u were ur girlfriend's best friend's aunt's other lesbian dog
  • 30
    SQL: A girl who remembers everything and will remember something you did wrong within 1ms.
  • 25
    TypeScript:
    A used to be very ugly but beloved by many people girlfriend, that invested a lot in surgery to finally attract you.

    PureBasic:
    A very talented, good looking, very slim girl, that can do a lot of stuff for you but everyone laughes about her, becaus she doesn't have those beautiful curves {}
  • 31
    Perl: You can't tell in which mood she is because she makes regular expression only.
  • 4
    SML:
    You hooked up one night, when you were drunk and she looked mighty fine after twelve shots of hard whisky.
    Then you wake up next to a haggard wretch, gravelly voice, face worn by years of cigarette smoke and disappointment in men because she gets too clingy too fast. Then she starts talking about your lives together, and you're contemplating taking a header out of the bathroom window in her tenth-story apartment.
    All you know for sure is that you'd kill for your old set of issues with any other girl / language.
  • 4
    But who doesn't love Python? She's the best.
  • 2
    That’s awesome :)
  • 34
    HTML: This girl is what you call a Trap.. If it's your first you might think she is a girl but after you noticed HTML isn't even a programming language you noticed the penis... Sorry bruh xD
  • 10
    QBASIC:

    The first relationship you ever had. She taught you love happens at first sight. Very compatible and submissive. You guys hooked a couple year in secondary year but you broke up because she couldn't move on. Too childish for your taste. Haven't talked since. Almost forgot her face.

    Sometimes, amongst all this commotion with your present girlfriend and your crush, you miss her. You miss those simpler times when the most difficult thing you could do was print the Fibonacci's Sequence. And were proud of it.
  • 10
    Machine language: shes fun, confusing but you like figuring her out- wait no you're way to fucking stupid for this complicated woman and you don't know what the fuck you did but you pray you won't be called into human resources
  • 8
    Cobol: The girl who likes to say the simplest things in as many words as possible. You lose interest and ask yourself why you chose this girl who's stuck in the 70's.
  • 19
    I'm surprised no one mentioned this picture
  • 3
    @rtannerf Thanks ๐Ÿ˜
  • 3
    @iSwimInTheC want this in high resolution :D
  • 5
    @BradSharp C++ gets fat and useless really quick if you don't treat her right.
  • 2
    @Doomenik Use 'Search Google for image'
  • 10
    Brainfuck:A Nerd girl,very tough to understand,takes some time to work out with her,and just to say Hello
  • 19
    Bash - You can always rely on her, be it assistance in something or just a booty call.
    She does the job quickly, dresses up and walks away. It requires getting used to her slight foreign accent. She can talk to the trees.
    Sometimes being used to cheat on the Python girl for a quicky.
  • 9
    Html: she's your girlfriend for a few months after which she reveals the shocking truth she is actually not a girl...
  • 3
    #Python ... I don't even know what Java IS, but that bit was funny
    โฝโฝเฌ˜( หŠแต•ห‹ )เฌ“โพโพ
  • 7
    Scala: sister of java, who is attractive in every way. But still affraid to look at her cos it may end relationship with Java.
  • 4
    ArnoldC: She has wayyyy more muscles than you and yells at everyone all the time... But yet she's just another C-like girl with weird makeup.
  • 10
    CSS: the stubborn girl you have to use tricks to get her to do stuff for you.
  • 3
    @Froot The die() function exists for a reason. ๐Ÿ˜‚
  • 3
    @KunalB uh are we talking about the same Brainfuck: that busted bitch from around the way? She's not misunderstood, just fucked bruh.
  • 8
    NodeJS, she comes with a lot of baggage, and she takes it with her - everywhere.
  • 2
    @Karunamon Man. How did you put in words what I'm feeling every single day ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚
  • 8
    Swift: The girl who doesn’t treat anything as mandatory. In her mind, all relationships are optional.
  • 7
    Basically, C is my wife: mature, reliable, and very picky
  • 6
    Rust: she's in military: very strict, but deadly efficient.
  • 1
    Scratch: Furry
  • 5
    (Lisp (the (curvy (girl (.)))))
  • 1
    Assembly is the hot older chick who's way out of your league. While a relationship is possible and would bring all your fantasies to life. She's got a lot going on, seemingly complicated, and isn't worth chasing.
  • 1
    @World QBASIC? Wow, blow the dust off that one.
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