I might have to say goodbye to all the tech I have now because my parents are pissed off about me not wanting to talk everything about the university.

Everything... Just taken away if I don't tell them exact fucking grades in every subject until tomorrow.

How about killing me now, huh? At least I would fucking have an ending to my suffering under them.

Why don't you tell your parents about your grades?
And can't you lie if you have to?

@busuu Because I don't have the best of grades going, first off. Second, any talk of university is a pain to me. Nearly tangible pain.

Not only will they not quit saying how lazy and horrible I am because of my problems with it, they will also blame me for not being this perfect robot when even without their expectations the pressure is killing me.

@runfrodorun Everything you're suggesting is perfectly valid... Unless... You're still living with your parents or they're funding your education.

As long as you live with you're parents or they fund your education they have financial control over you and there's jack shit you can do about it short of moving out and getting a job.

Why not move out?

As for the rant itself.

Sit down with them. Have a conversation, figure it out. You're in a STEM field right? Shouldn't be too hard to show how your hobby projects and such are creating value for you down the line

I believe in you! ☺️

Not sure if this will help you. Hope it does. I was kicked out of uni at my last year because of low grades. Love programming. Did what I love. Still do. Just have to do a lot harder compare to my peers. All I wanna say is, you will be fine as long as you keep doing *something*.

Sorry brain is a mess. This is the best write up I can come up with right now.

@runfrodorun Well you have emotional leverage, being the child or you're parents and all that.

But that's domestic warfare territory. Do you really want go there?

To be honest, I HAVE had „problems“ with studying ever since I remember myself. It was something I've been beaten for in childhood. Things like that made me hate everything that has to do with education system.

@BlueNutterfly You mean like literally beaten? Like... bruises and shit? That's a felony!

Gotta stop writing. Mother's monitoring me.

@BlueNutterfly Oh shit.

Stay strong!

@Froot Yes, literally.

@BlueNutterfly My god.

I was going to write a good comment on how to solve your problems but I kept deleting them because they weren't any good. ☹️

I'm sorry, I don't know how to help you even tho I'd really want to 😢

@BlueNutterfly by any chance, are you an Asian? 😁

@busuu the system they have is something like you gotta keep certain level of average grade point through semesters and well I did managed to maintain a point below their minimum point. The only excuse I got is, I didn't really care and know what was my point throughout those years 😌

They act like I'm this horrible leech. Even after a fucking Depression diagnosis.

@runfrodorun was about to ask the same thing.

@BlueNutterfly when I see a person in a situation like this, I just want to hug him/her. Tell them everything is going to be okay, because it is going to be okay. I wish there was a chat feature on devRant.

@runfrodorun Georgia. I have to go. Gotta leave the phone downstairs.

we love you! stay strong!

@BlueNutterfly Hey, you are on the other side of the Black see. Why don't you come to Bulgaria to have you winter vacation? You'll probably find a good job while here. And remember, narcissistic parents are the worst, always thinking they know everything.

Why does this sound too true to me.....

Anyways.. stay strong!

@runfrodorun That's true. It's just sad that some must give up more than others to get the same things in life

@uselesshero useless indeed...

And that's why you move out.

@BlueNutterfly ❤ I've been there. It sucks, but you'll get through it. Got a 90% on a test where the next highest was a 67%... "why didn't you know that other 10% you need to study more"

Moving out helped. Even though I'm back, mom knows I can take care of myself and has no say in what I do. I communicate out of respect, and we're better. No longer worried about getting slapped for not being the best (not my best, THE best). Moving out legit saved any form of relationship I could have with her.

@BlueNutterfly
You see this little white dot here? This is Earth from a space probe near Jupiter. Just a speck of dust in the vast universe. And on this small planet, in a small place called Georgia, there is you. A existence so microscopic in the grand scheme of things that it's actually funny.

You see, it doesn't really matter what you do. What grades, parents, career you have. Only you can give such thing a value and a meaning. So if you want to do something, do it. If you don't want to, don't. You and me and everyone else will be dead in another century, so why wouldn't we live life to the fullest?

That sucks... Nothing more to say there...

@Shully one of the most motivating thing I read in a while.

@BlueNutterfly keep your head up girl. I know how you feel, I've been there somehow and I know how much school sucks. Just try to talk with them, told your parents that you want to learn anything else and you don't need their bullshit. I think this is the best way to deal with those things but try to get at least medium grades because you'll need that certificate one day.
And remember: the devil is not as ugly as it seems.

@BlueNutterfly Exactly what @Condor said in the last line: we're all here for you

@QueenMorgana it's crazy that you have to resort to moving out just to restore some sort of functional relationship with your parents.

I just hope she's ok... 😟

Step 1:- move out
Step 2:-get a job to sustain your self (maybe there are devanters in your area who can help u out with this)
Step 3:- pursue ur passion relentlessly
Step 4:-prove them wrong u got this kid 👍👍👍

I've been saying I need to get a job and move out for years. In the end I just don't go in for it, thinking I won't succeed or impostor syndrome ends up fucking me up.

Yay me :|

The whole thing is just a result of two adults, who weren't completely ready to have children, reproducing.

It's just my bad luck.

To be honest, they're great at what they do for a living(doctors), but they just fail as parents.

Also, 9000++'s? Damn, that's a lot.

@BlueNutterfly imposter syndrome is way more easier to overcome that your parents...fending for yourself might be hard at the beginning but you will get used to it. Since u r good at coding y don't you apply for some internship or something

@BlueNutterfly I feel you. Had the same pressure from my family, despite the fact that none of them had an academic degree.
They don't understand you, think that they necessarily know better than you and are very strict, yet they want what's better for you.
It's a tough situation, stay strong.

Also you have this safe place to rant and ask for advise. Unless your phone is inaccessible temporarily.

Hope that everything works out for you :)

@thevariableman Am I?

She's trying to force me to study with her.

Why won't you leave me the fuck alone, parents? Is it so damn hard to figure out that I HATE when you fucking try forcing your way into my life? It's called MY LIFE for a goddamn reason!!! :S I've said so about hating it, too...

Also, thank Linkin Park's music for existing. It's gotten me thorugh a lot of shit. Maybe I should continue writing that one story or something I'm working on...

@BlueNutterfly my girlfriend is going through the same thing right now, and it's awful. Nothing she does is good enough for her parents, and they need to control every little detail of her life. They didn't even let her pick her own college (though they at least listened to what she wanted to major in). It's causing her a fuckton of unnecessary stress that really isn't helping with her studies. She's planning on moving out by the end of next year into an apartment with a friend, if they can find one, to ride out the rest of her degree.

I hope it gets better for you, it really is an awful position to be in.

@BlueNutterfly your mom wants to sit and watch you study?

@Noob Exactly -_- I hate people's eyes on me.

@BlueNutterfly I think that if you'd try that she would give up quickly, since she wouldn't understand a thing.

@Noob She won't. It's just not her style.

@BlueNutterfly Eh, that's unfortunate.
What are you studying btw?

@Noob Food Factory Planning and Meat and Milk Processing Technology.

@BlueNutterfly cool!
Isn't it called Food Engineering?

Most importantly, do you like it?

@Noob The Faculty is called Food Production Technology... The subject names are direct translations of what they're called... It's not that bad, but I definitely wouldn't want to pursue it.

@BlueNutterfly What would you like to study?
Also why are you doing this? Parents?

@AlexDeLarge I think this would've happened regardless of gender. She has high standards but was not the best in expressing her desires for me to have all the options for college and jobs...

@Noob I just ended up choosing Food Production Technology without the slightest interest in pursuing it. Maybe had to do with the fact my mother hammered me with „Food Production Technology is a good thing to study!“ for months before it. I wanted something more IT-related. Preferably Programming or, as the faculty I used to attend some lectures of additionally because of curiosity for the subjects, Electric and Computer Engineering. I went through Programming as a subject with that specific faculty, used to attend additional lectures on Engineering Drawing, Microprocessors, a few ones on Computer Architecture and Operating Systems.

And do you know what I find funny? My mother hammered with the idea of Food Production Technology with all her might and when I actually got into that faculty with 100% financing and began studying, she was the one complaining that none of her daughters went for IT!

Also, in my mother's opinion, being a girl means you should be able to study better :S

This is so relatable, India has a similar culture when it comes to education.
Although my parents are not so autocratic, its a general norm here that Study = Books and Books = knowledge.
Its very frustrating that our parents feel that sitting in front of a screen is bullshit ! You can't even explain them what it is no matter how much your try. They don't listen! I dont even blame them for this as they were born before the internet,hence their mind cant digest this.
@bluenutterfly you are not alone, millions of kids in my Country face the same problem. Just hang on and be strong. Or you can sit down and have a detailed discussion with your parents,its nt that late,you are young,you can still steer the direction of YOUR life as YOU want !

@NoMad I have too little of it left to just change the course. I've nearly beaten it.

I simply hate the whole thing.

I fucking wish I had chosen the Engineering faculty. At least then I'd have no problems and have the fucking degree already.

All most of my life is could be described as reacting... I hate it. Why can I not have been allowed to make decisions that would have been actually better? It's not enough to take me to a school for supposed „Wunderkinds“ that actually is a place that leaves all its pupils traumatised by the shit system they have during the time there and that when I was in the first two grades, right? No, they have to blame me for the obvious harmful effect on my time management skills that school had, disregarding thousands if not more cases of the same loss of skills happening to other pupils.

Not only will they not shut up about how talented I supposedly am and tell me how I'm the one burying it all into the ground and how that is criminal, they also won't let me make actual decisions on my own. So if I make a decision, they, by default, are not even in the equation in the first place.

Whose fucking fault is it that I'd much rather have had nothing remarkable about me than whatever the fuck I have? Every bit of talent of mine has been used to emotionally torture me, to make me think how horrible my decisions are etc., not realising I actually lost skills because of how they raised me.

I sucked at human interaction from the very early childhood. I just didn't care about it, preferring computers over it. That was when the hardships began. It's been more than 18 years that I've been a computer liking individual and they still cannot figure out that I would have loved to do something related to it.

And these people somehow became doctors. Granted, they're good at what they do, but it's absolutely inexcusable how they raised me thinking that if I'm not seemingly surpassing my older sisters who have never had the things they did to me forced upon them, then I'm an absolutely useless lazy piece of shit.

They should have aborted or adopted me. There is no chance in hell I'm ever associating with them after I move out. I've never felt like I was in a family with them, which leads me to conclude that DNA doesn't do jack shit if there is no mental connection between people, when there is no trust in the fact that if you fuck up, people will be there for you(which they never were where it mattered).

Maybe I am too much of an independent personality for them to handle.

So what if I fuck up in choices? I'm in this state exactly because I was not allowed to fuck up on my own. There are only two people I know in real life that understand me well enough.

@NoMad I'll try it, I suppose...

I feel sad for this girl....
I hope everything goes as u wish and u become happy !

@neelgeek Thanks for the compassion...

@BlueNutterfly I think that with the courses that you have already finished you can transfer to IT.
Especially if you explain to your mom that it's your passion. How desired the profession is and how well paid it is.
I know that it mustn't be so easy to approach her about the issue, and even harfer to change her mind, but it's worth it. It's your future. :)

@Noob After 6 years of struggling? Both of my parents are pushing me as much as they can for me to finish it. And there's way too little subjects remaining for me to just throw it away and waste more fuckingyears at the university. It's basically my nightmare at this point in time

@BlueNutterfly I'd agree with not throwing it away. You seem to be so deep into it already that switching now would be a waste.
However, you can always get a second education in programming if you like. You could use your current one to bootstrap yourself up.
I studied economics in school, my decision. But after graduating and working on it for a year I found that I like programming way more. I don't have a degree in computer science but I have one in finance and it still helps me. For example when I went for a mortgage, my degree gave me a lower interest rate.

The beauty of programming is that as long as you know what you're doing you can get a job. The education is not as important as it is in some other fields. You could say it's a meritocracy.

Ofcourse, I could go back to university now to get a degree related to programming but I just don't see the point. If I would it would probablly be something like computer science, cyber security or cryptography instead

@Froot You remind me of my Programming lecturer. The has a Bioengineering degree and began programming with C. He also hadn't programmed until 2012, the year I got into my university. I don't know how many more languages he knows, but just three or so years later he was teaching C# at my university, where I chose it as an additional subject.

@BlueNutterfly Heh. See, anything's possible in our field if you put your mind to it 🙂

@BlueNutterfly oh wow, 6 years!
Didn't know that. In that case you better finish and convert into programming.
If I might ask, why 6 years? Is it the standard?

@Noob No, it's my failure.

My brain just refuses to memorise things I'm not interested in...

And I hate the darn faculty so much...

At least for now I'm not doing bad...

@BlueNutterfly You might say it's your fault, but not your failure. Don't be hard on yourself ;)
At least you are about to finish.
It may have took you a while but you are finally about to be done. I know many people who could study (or for that matter do something else useful with their lives) in the past 6 years but did nothing.
blueNutterfly.isCool == true

@Noob I'm in the state of mind where I actually am not doing anything useful.

And not only do my sisters not at all offer just one or two words of comforting nature, they just say I blame it all on everyone else than me. And that I am the one being oh, so fucking spoiled. And that they don't see me trying.

Today I had to hear my mother telling me I spend all my days in front of the phone and that I'm out of touch with reality etc. for half a bloody hour nearly(Maybe I'm exaggerating. It definitely felt as long), and then when things calmed down and father came into the room, I had to endure ANOTHER round of it and when I sat down in the car to drop dad off, he AGAIN started on the bullshit.

Here I am, not even being able to fucking make myself to the things I know I have to and it scares me. Tell me how I'M out of touch with reality. I'll listen. And while you're at it, fucking kill me. It's not like you haven't tried...

@ThatDude Tried it. No fucking result.

@BlueNutterfly you seem to be under a lot of pressure with the uni and family things going on, and it's hard to move on like this. Try to get help from friends and a psychologist. Your mental health is the priority now, not just for you to feel better, but for you to gather the strength to improve your situation.

@BlueNutterfly I had the same situation when I was living with my parents, despite the fact that I was the one paying for my studying and the house's bills.
This tension only increases when you have siblings.
This is basically the family version of a love-hate relationship, where being away one from each other makes you a loving family, but being together this whole time accumulates so much hate that every little action annoys the others.

Obviously moving out is the solution. But it costs a lot of money, so I don't propose that.

So first of all, know that I completely understand you. It's a shitty situation in which you feel trapped, knowing that no matter what you do will trigger an aggressive response from the family. You want to be done with this dark period but you don't have the motivation / energy.

Stop, breathe deep. Be strong and don't let anyone upset you.
You are almost there already!

@Noob Couldn't have put it better myself.

@BlueNutterfly if you need to chat you are always welcome :)

@andros705 I'm not sure...

@BlueNutterfly try meditation. I saw you always come to my rants. I tried a few days ago. I am more focus, clarm, at present, etc. Lots of people hesitate it, but it is the only way I know that I can transform my self in short amount of time. Practice it, then thinking about what you want to do, are you doing it right. Keep watching meditation topic on YouTube helps me to vertical grow

@BlueNutterfly this video inspired me. I hope it does to you as well. https://youtu.be/RrZQlLEjvwU

Another fucking round of how I'm mentally ill, unable to tell fantasy from reality, etc talk from parents for about an hour.

Give me a fucking weapon. I want to fucking die already.

There's absolutely no point in trying.

No person I care about stays long in my life. Either I fuck up or something happens to them...

Time to use the Adobe Photoshop skills! :)