!dev

There are two weeks left until the PhD application results are published. But I'm having such awful nervous breakdowns. I don't even know, if it's anxiety or if I'm literally dying inside from something else. From an almost-heart-attack today when I got a trivial and unrelated bad-news email, to keep having weird dreams about things like end of the world and post-apocalyptic life, or being jumpy all the time.

... And it's not like it's life or death, I know that. I know that I can do other things if this doesn't stick. I know things will workout the way they should; I know all of those. But there's just something destroying my physical and mental health right now, and I don't even know if it's just the anxiety for the next big step in my career, or something else, or how I should deal with it.

... Anyways, amannoyed.

Work is still going great, but I'm killing myself with general anxiety about other things...

Covid, laptop is gone for now, phone is acting up, I don't have any backup device, I'm running out of money, need to fix my teeth soon enough, health-wise I'm pre-diabetic and almost obese, (not look-wise, rather weight-wise) as well I will need to check for hormones because I'm growing body hair more than I should and still am losing head hair more than I should, and I should quit smoking.

... but I still love the work I do, so what does life and gods have against me? :|

I have been taking deep breaths more often to just not lose my shit these days. Like, unless I end up in a great situation next, this all is so unfair.

Visual Studio's intellisence recommending me NOT to use

ISomeService = new Service() and just Service coz the latter is faster (these are non-DI services)

is giving me a wierd anxiety. I'd prefer to stick to exposing Interfaces just as a convention but the constant💡is killing me :v
//I know the actual performance difference is neglible, but retarded mind still focuses on it even if I dont want it to

Just recently used docker, for some reason i keep getting so many errors, fix one error then another, then another one anxiety is killing me.