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Manager: We need to setup the security in the Mexico server
Dev: You mean that 3rd party firewall add on?
Manager: Yes
Dev: And set up the billing on the Mexico account?
Manager: Yes
Dev: lol, sure thing I’ll create the ticket
Manager: What’s so funny?
Dev: Nothing
Ticket: Build wall and get Mexico to pay for it.12 -
In my office, when a dev gets too talkative he/she gets boxed in and pretty much told to shut the hell up. 😂 #DevTimeout #LessFlapsMoreTaps
16 -
Manager: How come the intern does way more tickets than you?
Dev: Because you told me to only give him the easy ones since he either can’t do them otherwise or takes too long on the hard ones
Manager: Well how is he going to learn if we only give him easy ones?
Dev: That’s what I told you when you orig—
Manager: Assign him ALL of the hard tickets on your board immediately!
*Tickets closed per day drops significantly*
Manager: WHAT IS TAKING SO LONG ON THESE TICKETS!!!!!
Dev: …18 -
Manager: You really shouldn’t be doing that
Dev: It’s in my job description
Manager: Yeah but you still shouldn’t be doing it.
Dev: Who should I hand it off to?
Manager: We don’t have anyone else to hand off that task to.
Dev: Ok, do I stop doing it?
Manager: 😡 Of course not, it needs to get done! I’m just saying you shouldn’t do it.
Dev: ???????????13 -
Recruiter: This is a 100% remote position
Dev: Good! That’s what I’m looking for.
Recruiter: But the company does require you to come into the office “on occasion”
Dev: I live 5 hours away from your office so that would be not a good fit
Recruiter: And once covid is over the ability to work remotely will be getting reconsidered. You’ll likely need to move cities in order to continue your employment with them.
Dev: Yeah I’m looking for 100% remote work
Recruit: This is 100% remote! Just with the need to come into the office sometimes now and potentially more later.
Dev: …15 -
Manager: Hey what was that that you closed on your screen just now?
Dev: That popup? That’s NVIDIA letting me know that a new driver for my GPU is available.
Manager: Isn’t that for video games?
Dev: I mean that’s the reason many people opt into having a GPU but It’s not the on—
Manager: You are NOT allowed to play video games on your work computer!
Dev: This is my personal computer. It’s just an older GPU I popped onto this computer since otherwise it was just sitting in a drawer. My work computer is out of commission.
Manager: Well where is your work computer? How come you are not using it?
Dev: …Because of that blue screen of death issue we talked about yesterday.
Manager: Ok but that doesn’t give you permission to play VIDEO GAMES on your *WORK* computer.
Dev: …27 -
Manager: Hurry up and login, I don’t have all day
Dev: One sec I have to lookup my password for the system
Manager: How can you not remember your password? Everything requires it these days
Dev: I use a different password for each service.
Manager: Wow you really like to overcomplicate things. Just use the same one for everything like I do, it’s way more efficient!
Dev: …19 -
Manager: This code you wrote violates the single responsibility principle!!
Dev: How so?
Manager: You have one function that you call in *MULTIPLE* places. That’s too much responsibility for one function! Functions should only have one responsibility!! Creeping the scope of a function beyond that is a TERRIBLE way to write code!
Dev: But why spin up multiple functions that all perform the same thing?
Manager: Well if a function has a bug in it and you use that function multiple places then that bug exists everywhere you use that function. If a function only has one responsibility then if it has a bug that bug will only exist in the single place it is called! You really should think first before asking questions like that.
Dev: …35 -
Manager: THE SERVER IS DOWN THE SERVER IS DOWN!!!!
Dev: Ok I’ll look into it
*5 mins later
Dev: Wow these are really strange logs, it’s like config values are being changed all over the place while I’m looking at it
Manager: Well I figured while you were looking into it I’d go i to the server settings and change everything I could find in order to try and get the server back up again. Two sets of hands are better than one, Is it up yet???
Dev: …No.
Manager: I THOUGT YOU SAID YOU’D LOOK INTO THIS. I NEED ANSWERS NOW. WHAT IS TAKING SO LONG?!?!?
Dev: …14 -
Manager: Good news everyone, I made a big giant announcement this morning that the app upgrades will be released today!
Dev: They definitely won’t be, we need another 2 weeks minimum. I told you yesterday
Manager: Ok well I already made the announcement that today was the day so too bad for you.
Dev: Doesn’t change the state of things
Manager: 😡 This announcement is supposed to motivate you to work faster! You guys are making me look bad when you don’t support me like this!
Dev: Working as fast as we can, it’s a 2 person dev team for 4 separate applications so it’s quite a bit to get pushed through
Manager: Ok well then stay extra then, we have to get this out asap. Tell your spouses they are not going to be seeing much of you until this work is done. People are starting to ask questions!!!!!
Dev: Not my problem, it’s done when its done. I’m not staying extra.
Manager: !!
// *************
Might be blowing my cover a little but what are they going to do? Fire me? Good luck getting this out without me. They’ve tried to replace me in the past but the cheapest person they could find was 60k more expensive than me and still couldn’t keep up. Probably they’ll ship the work overseas and the code will die in a dumpster fire and cost them even more. Ah well, just another company that doesn’t deserve code.21 -
Manager: Feature C doesn’t work
Dev: We never built feature C
Manager: Nonsense, I remember feature C clearly!
Dev: It’s still in the backlog
Manager: But we had many meetings about it
Dev: Never got put on the board
Manager: Feature C is very important!
Dev: It was never assigned to anyone
Manager: What could possibly be more important than Feature C?
Dev: All the other features you placed on the board and assigned up until now
Manager: Well I need Feature C done asap! It should be top priority!
Dev: Ok then next sprint add feature C to the board and assign it to someone
*Next planning session manager leaves feature C in backlog in favour of other tickets*
*2 days later*
Manager: What is the status of feature C?
Dev: You opted to leave it in the backlog
Manager: BUT IT SHOULD BE TOP PRIORITY!
Dev: …9 -
Dev: *Recieves email from manager with several typos/grammar mistakes asking to open attachment with strange name and click on tinyurl style link*
Dev: *Flags as phishing*
Manager: Hey how come you didn’t action my email?
Dev: That was actually from you?
Manager: Yes.
Dev: …3 -
Dev: Hey our current server is starting to chug a bit. Can I get approved for $1200 additional spend to double the speed?
Manager: *Sharp inhale*. We need this project to cost as little as possible, we really can’t justify spending any additional money for any reason right now.
*2 days later*
Manager: YOU ARE APPROVED FOR $100,000 TO IMMEDIATELY IMPLEMENT SOMETHING RELATED TO NFTs IN ANY OF OUR APPS. THE BUSINESS NEEDS TO EXPAND INTO THE METAVERSE ASAP IMMEDIATELY. I NEED AN ETA BY EOD AS TO WHEN THIS CAN BE ROLLED OUT.
Dev: …16 -
FINALLY, RESIGNED! Am leaving such a fucked UP "big" corporate company and starting my own business! Wish me luck!😔😔26
-
Manager: Have you fixed the problem?
Dev: What’s the problem?
Manager: We’re not here to discuss problems we’re here to discuss solutions!
Dev: …11 -
Dev: I think we should send Dev2 for some training and certification
Manager: We do not train people or have them certified. When you train people and especially if you have them certified they always leave the company for better offers so we no longer do that.
Dev: So the plan is to have a the company operated by a bunch of untrained uncertified people?
Manager: 😡 You are being disrespectful again20 -
Manager: Everyone will be required to switch to Mac in the next couple of months.
Dev: Um, why?
Manager: Macs are more professional and developer focused than windows machines, I read it in an article. Plus they look way nicer.
Dev: Half of the applications we use don’t have a version that works on iOS.
Manager: What? How do you know?
Dev: I have a Mac for occasionally doing some work on the iOS app we support. I ran into that when I was setting it up as a development environment.
Manager: You have a Mac?
Dev: Yes
Manager: Why? How come you don’t use it for development?
Dev: …17 -
Dev: So we’ve been working on X for about 2 weeks now, it’s about halfway do—
Manager: Btw what is the status of X?
Dev: I was just telling you
Manager: Oh, I wasn’t listening.
Dev: …
Dev: So as I was saying, we’re ab—
Manager: Oh and where are we at with Y?
Dev: …11 -
Dev: So how do you want this feature fixed?
Manager: It should work how it worked before.
Dev: I'm new to this feature, I don't know how it worked before or what is broken about it.
Manager: Well just make it work like it worked before.
Dev: I DONT KNOW HOW IT WORKED BEFORE THAT IS WHY I AM ASKING YOU. PLEASE TELL ME SO I CAN DO MY JOB.
Manager: Just how it worked before!
Dev: ...
Manager: ...
Dev: fuck you17 -
Manager: We do not identify as a tech company so don’t expect tech company salary increases this year
Dev: Well don’t expect me to bring a tech work ethic then
Manager: !!5 -
Being told I’m not experienced enough to get a senior dev job I interviewed for.
Even though I aced the first 4 interview rounds, the tech test feedback was “the best solution they had ever seen”, and I’ve been a senior dev for 25 years.
Time wasting assholes.3 -
Storytime!
Manager: Hey fullstackchris, the maps widget on our app stopped working recently...
Dev: (Skeptical, little did he know) Sigh... probably didn't raise quota or something stupid... Logs on to google cloud console to check it out...
Google Dashboard: Your bill.... $5,197 (!!!!!!) Payment method declined (you think?!)
Dev: 😱 WTF!?!?!! (Calls managers) Uh, we have HUGE problem, charges for $5000+ in our google account, did you guys remove the quota limits or not see any limit reached warnings!?
Managers: Uh, we didn't even know that an API could cost money, besides, we never check that email account!
Dev: 🤦♂️ yeah obviously you get charged, especially when there have literally been millions of requests. Anyway, the bigger question is where or how our key got leaked. Somewhat started hammering one of the google APIs with one of our keys (Proceeds to hunt for usages of said API key in the codebase)
Dev: (sweating 😰) did I expose an API key somewhere? Man, I hope it's not my fault...
Terminal: grep results in, CMS codebase!
Dev: ah, what do we have here, app.config, seems fine.... wait, why did they expose it to a PUBLIC endpoint?!
Long story short:
The previous consulting goons put our Angular CMS JSON config on a publicly accessible endpoint.
WITH A GOOGLE MAPS API KEY.
JUST CHILLING IN PLAINTEXT.
Though I'm relieved it wasn't my fault, my faith in humanity is still somewhat diminished. 🤷♂️
Oh, and it's only Monday. 😎
Cheers!7 -
Manager: What’s taking so long on that PR?? It’s just some small styling adjustments
Dev: No it’s not you added an entire new calendar module that doesn’t work
Manager: Ok but besides that it’s just a small couple of css edits
Dev: You made styling changes in 50 files, half of which break our mobile responsiveness
Manager: Well then STOP talking to me and FIX IT if you’re so smart.
Dev: You also added a series of filters on a table in this same PR that cause th—
Manager: OK SO I GOT A BIT DISTRACTED THE FACT IS IT ALL NEEDS TO GET DONE SO IT DOESN’T MATTER IF IT’S ALL ON ONE PR SPLITTING THINGS UP INTO SMALL UPDATES IS JUST UNNECESSARY BUREAUCRACY AND IF YOU LIKE THAT THEN GO. WORK. FOR. THE GOVERNMENT!!!
Dev: …11 -
Oh you're a frontend guy? Good, we need one of those.
Oh you're a backend guy too? Good, we need one of those.
Oh you're a security guy too? Good, we need one of those.
Oh you're a devops guy too? Good, we need one of those.
Oh you're a QA guy too? Good, we need one of those.
Oh you're an SEO guy too? Good, we need one of those.
"Well, sorry to say fullStackCraft, but we found your cloud architecture skills just a little too lacking for this position. We really need someone who can do frontend, backend, security audits, QA assessments, SEO, AND build scaling cloud architecture. Oh and while you're at it, can you turn fucking water into gold? We need that at our company too. You didn't get the position, but it'd be great if you could refer us to someone who is very advanced in fucking alchemy. Thanks!"
Absolutely toxic the way software people are treated I swear. The money may be the only good thing that is left.19 -
Manager: You can’t define an async function without using await.
Dev: Yes you can.
Manager: Well you shouldn’t, there’s no point!
Dev: Yes there is. It can turn blocking synchronous logic into work performed concurrently. In this case the perform—
Manager: It’s called async *await*. Async *AWAIT*! Did you hear the two parts to that? You shouldn’t ever have one without the other. THEY GO TOGETHER. Worrying about concurrency is for people who use callbacks which just goes to show how out of date your skills are. I’m reading a book on javascript and there are so many advanced techniques out there that I haven’t even seen you use ONCE!
Dev: …
*I looked at the book he’s reading, it’s from the < ES6 era… no wonder he doesn’t see me using any of those archaic patterns/hacks/workarounds…*14 -
Manager: How come the push to prod didn’t happen?
Dev: We told you at the scrum yesterday. To reiterate, our dev environment was crashing so it’s not safe to push to prod until that is fixed.
Manager: Ok well lets set a goal to fix that and push to prod happens today so that it guaranteed happens.
Dev: That was our goal yesterday and it definitely didn’t happen.
Manager: I AM AWARE OF THAT. The corrective action is that this time compliance with the goal is 100% ABSOLUTELY MANDATORY!!
Dev: We’ll do our best, can’t guarantee anything until we figure out what the nature of what is occurring on dev though.
Manager: NO. I AM THE BOSS. YOU WILL 100% ABSOLUTELY COMPLY WITH THIS. THAT IS AN ORDER. YOU WILL SUCCESSFULLY GET THIS UPDATE OUT TO PROD TODAY. ANYTHING LESS THAN THAT SHALL BE CONSIDERED INSUBORDINATION. I WANT STATUS UPDATES EVERY 15 MINUTES ON WHERE WE ARE AT WITH THIS.
Dev: …
Dev: Can I get you to send me that request in an email?
*Manager leaves the meeting*
// *****************************
Job search is ticking along. It’s tough going though because I currently make ~120k and the best offers I’ve received so far are all ~70k because “You only have 2 years experience so you couldn’t possibly have the skills to be worth 120k. You are are junior level developer and 70K is already overpaying for you. We can pay you more later™. No we will not give you that in writing”. Ah well, the hunt continues.17 -
Manager: Alright, we've decided we're gonna just going to accept PayPal and also credit card checkout through PayPal in the next two days!
Dev: ...
Manager: We can achieve this timeline, right?
Dev: ...
Manager: Alright, awesome to see your motivation! Let's do it!
Dev: YOU ANSWER PHONE CALLS, TALK TO PEOPLE AND 'STRATEGIZE' ALL DAY. YOU DON'T HAVE TO RELY ON THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE USING THE APP WITHOUT ERROR. THAT'S ON ME, NOT YOU, SO JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!
Manager: ...
Dev: ...6 -
Manager: In ALL cases if someone uses vanilla javascript to do something instead of a library then that is a sign they are an ABSOLUTE BEGINNER!!!
Dev: …12 -
Manager: In order to increase business resiliency we will be doing cross training this week.
Dev: What does that involve?
Manager: Everyone will do everyone else’s job for one day each. After this you will all be considered trained so that if anyone can easily fill in for anyone else.
Dev: …9 -
HR: Hey you really need to be more sensitive with what you say
Dev: What makes you bring this up?
HR: Well we had a concerned employee overhear you telling one of the interns that the Russian word for “approved” is “blyat”.
Dev: Ah.20 -
**at daily standup
Dev: and along with a push to production that is what I’ll be doing today
Manager: Good good, alright, nice….. ok who else hasn’t gone yet? Dev how about you go next
Dev: …I literally just went
Manager: What? Well what did you say then? Hey when is that push to prod happening? I feel like there should be one happening sometime soon.
Dev: …8 -
My ex-boyfriend once saw my post on the devRant and he said something, in a demeaning way, that don't screw up your brain with all this. Till now this community has given me support that he couldn't give me in his time. Instead he created problems. That's why he is my ex. :)
Thanks to dev Rant. :)10 -
Recruiter Email: We need experience in Doker!
Dev: I could potentially be interested, what is this new technology? I've never heard of Doker!
Recruiter: It's not super new, it's the traditional Doker! You know, good ol' Doker!
Dev: Like Poker? Or Joker? 🤡
Recruiter: What?
Dev: What?10 -
Manager: I just created a new ticket! The website flashes when you reload it!
Dev: Yes, that's typically what happens when you reload a website.
Manager: ...
Dev: ...5 -
Manager: We should do X with the database
Dev: That will cause issue Y
Manager: But I read an article that said that issue Y wasn’t a problem
Dev: It did?
Manager: Well it didn’t mention issue Y
Dev: …2 -
Manager: How’s the progress coming along?
Dev: The section of code I’m working with is one of the more difficult ones so it’s a little slow
Manager: Ok well I didn’t write that section of the code
Dev: I’m not saying you did I’m just giving you the status update that you asked for
Manager: Ok well I can’t really do anything about that so how about you tell me something I can do something about instead of just complaining about code THAT I DIDN’T EVEN WRITE!! *Marks self as offline*
Dev: …10 -
Manager: Hey Dev I need to do QA on this PR.
Dev: That PR is not finished yet
Manager: Well do QA now anyway, that way when it is finished it can be merged in right away since QA has already been done on it. It’s a project management technique called “fast-tracking” and it improves efficiency.
Dev: …9 -
Company: We were able to save a couple of dollars by purchasing an entire fleet of ipads instead of iphones through our supplier!
Dev: Our users walk around an industrial facility carrying things all day, how will they carry these devices now that they no longer fit in their pockets.
Company: We can get them backpacks!
Dev: …
Dev: did you at least buy protective cases for them?
Company: We have to save money! Don’t worry we told the users not to drop them. Plus none of the old iphones were ever broken so this is a non-issue.
Dev: The iPhones are in cases, they drop them quite a bit.
Company: Oh, well they shouldn’t be doing that!
** They proceeded to buy the cheapest knockoff cases I’ve ever seen. At least one ipad is smashed a week now, backpacks aren’t used because of lack on convenience. All this in the name of seeming to shave off a couple bucks for a one time purchase that didn’t even need to be made, iphones were working perfectly fine. Meanwhile there are glaring issues at the company getting ignored because they get themselves continually distracted by unhelpful pet projects that address things that are not broken and often make them worse.8 -
Manager: Messages not visible! bug ticket!!!!
Dev: oh fuck, there's an issue with our chat system, not good! _inspects ticket_ oh, it's just a display issue that actually is according to the previous spec, yawn...
Dev: please describe the bug better next time, I though we had a major outage, this is simply a small design issue...
Manager: ...
Dev: ...
I think I'm quitting soon guys. I literally do not get paid enough to deal with these incompetent idiots each day.
Meanwhile:
Management: forget your shitty salary, take one for the team, you get 3% of the shares in the company!!!!
Dev: what fucking shares, you haven't even converted to a corporation yet, THERE ARE NO SHARES
Management: ...
Dev: ...
Oh yeah and they called me at 6:30 PM today: "so i guess you are winding down for the day"
fuck outta here i haven't been working since 5 you fucks
jesus i swear some people need to screw their fucking head on straight, so far gone into the hUsTlE CuLtUrE they don't even know what reality is anymore7 -
Dropbox TLS 1.0 & 1.1 is deprecated
Dev: we need to upgrade our projects
Manager: we don't have time for that. can you call to their helpdesk, so we can keep using our projects w/o upgrading?
Dev: ....
Manager: call them!
Dev: ...9 -
Manager: You know you really shouldn’t pay off your mortgage faster than you absolutely have to. It’s the cheapest money you’ll ever get!
Dev: I’d rather work towards being debt free. Besides my RRSP (401k) is already maxed out
Manager: RRSPs are a scam! TFSAs (Roth IRAs) are way better
Dev: My TFSA is maxed out too
Manager: 😡 You still shouldn’t pay off your mortgage!
Dev: …17 -
Dev: (Watches user print out screenshot of maintenance app to do list, walk across facility to printer. walk across facility to equipment and check things off on paper, then walk across facility back to their terminal and copy the findings over.)
Dev: We made the app responsive so they could do that on a mobile device. Why are they printing?
Manager: Printers are cheaper than getting more tablets.
Dev: …
Dev: Can we at least get a printer at each terminal so they don’t waste so much time walking across the facility?
Manager: That’s too many printers to maintain. It’s easier to just have one.
Dev: …8 -
???: Salesforce is simply the best. You can do anything you can dream of with it. It can solve all of your pro—
Dev: Sir, this is a Wendy’s.11 -
Dev: What are the requirements?
Client: I want to make my boss happy so that I get lots of money and promotions.
Dev: What does your boss want?
Client: He wants to be happy
Dev: …
Client: Also I don’t want to expend any effort or resources to achieve this
Dev: …4 -
New spin on the Manager / Dev format!
Recuiter: WE NEED AN ABSOLUTE NODE EXPERT, NODE NODE NODE, WE LOVE NODE! WHAT IS YOUR NODE EXPERIENCE?!?!
Dev: Well I've had exposure to it since it was nearly new, all the way back in 2012, and since my professional career started about 7 years ago I've used it fairly often on a per-project basis.
Recruiter: WELL HAVE YOU BEEN USING IT DAILY FOR THE PAST 5 YEARS!?!
Dev: Well no, as I said I've used it for specific projects... anyway, there are these things called weekends...
Recruiter: WELL WE ONLY WANT NODE ZOMBIES SO SORRY.
Dev: Thanks for reaching out and wasting my time.
Recruiter: ...
Dev: ...
God recruiters are like robots, don't they understand senior-level engineers are language agnostic?7 -
Recruiter: Hello I’m recruiting for an exciting opportunity at a rapidly growing company with loads of potential
Dev: *Looks up company on google*
Dev: Their stock has been declining for the past 2 years. 3 months ago their valuation just dropped by 80%…. How are they growing?
Recruiter: Oh that happened to every company at the end of 2021.
Dev: …I guarantee you it did not.
Recruiter: …
Dev: …6 -
Manager: Dev, you will submit to my leadership and surrender all common sense to agree with what I say or face consequences.
Dev: Manager, Fuck you!2 -
Dev: I need you to do X
IT: Ok we will do Y
Dev: I don’t want Y I want X
IT: Well you’ll need to go through the change request process then since you have just modified your requirements.
Dev: …6 -
Manager: What's your time estimate on that latest ticket?
Dev: It's literally written in the "time estimate" field on the ticket, even in standard human units like "hours", "minutes", and "seconds"
Manager: ...
Dev: ...9 -
Frontend dev: Hey, could you break HTTP conventions and change the API so I don't have to manage the context of the request?8
-
My department is focused solely on web development. Of course we are part of the major portion of I.T
The entire I.T department got acknowledged for a very important piece of software. That I wrote.
The ceremony in which we were being recognized did not listed MY department, no, they listed the ENTIRETY of I.T.
Thing is, if this product was not delivered, then I was told that the blame would be MINE (I am speaking as the head of my department) but apparently if it succeeded (which it did) it is to be attributed to people that were not even involved in the project.
My employees tried calming me down when I got upset, one of them stated that it was not even our department's effort, but mine alone. And yes, I was the one that developed the solution. By myself, with complete testing, staging, the whole works. Everything, developed by me. BUT my employees held the entire department down while I was behind close doors developing this solution.
I was fucking upset, more so because my director sent an email thanking the entire I.T department for this "win"
I asked him through or messaging service if he could point out to me who else was involved, since I did not know of anyone else that did absolutely anything in this process other than myself and my guys.
Maybe the output of my program was parsed by another I.T department and something happened from it, maybe the money generated by the application (obscene amounts of it btw) were used to add more to the infrastructure etc, who knows, but as far as I know, you cannot say "if this fails it is on you" just for them to later on thank people that were not involved in the project.
This is why I would gladly move on to a different field. I don't want to be patted on the back constantly, I know how fucking good I am at what I do. But if I do something amazing I do not want to see those efforts being given to someone else.
The dev world is usually a thankless industry, but if thanks are given, then I want the sole credit.
If I am winning or loosing I want the whole fucking credit and you can be any more gangstah than that.9 -
My last job application letter was literally: “I saw your add and since you don’t do web stuff I decided to apply”
Hired2 -
Remember to regularly defragment your drives on linux. use this handy command.
dd if=/dev/zero of=/dev/sdX bs=1M
Terminology:
dd: Disk defragment
if: input file (the pattern to search for, and should always be /dev/zero)
of: output file (your disk, /dev/sda for instance)
bs: blocsize 1M is fine here17 -
Interviewer: *looking at my GitHub* do you use devrant?
Me: ...yes
Interviewer: ok, cool
I had an interview once where the dev interviewing me recognised that I had devrant avatar as my github profile picture.
Maybe that was one of the reasons they didn't get back to me after that interview? 🤔7 -
*During a walk around to check on the users*
Dev: *Watching worker laboriously dragging pallet jack with one wobbly wheel and another wheel practically seized*
Dev: Hey that looks broken, can’t you swap it out in the maintenance building?
Worker: If you do that management will give you one that’s worse.
Dev: …This fucking company
** Worker later threw out his back, company’s corrective action was to send out notice reminding employees to stretch before doing physical tasks19 -
Client: Too many of our business processes take place on excel and paper! We need to modernize our business processes. Build an app that can do the main things we do with excel and paper in app form.
Dev (4 months later): Here it is
Client: Ok some of our users want to still use excel and paper so build the ability to print the app and export/import to excel so they can continue working the way they always have alongside our new app.
Dev: …6 -
You will know your 2 year old dev team is messed up when the 'best programmer of the bunch' does a line like:
boolean check = ...some logic...;
if(check == true) {...
:/ and I'm going to be leading this team..11 -
I can't figure out shit..
To be honest I created this profile just so I can write down somewhere what I am going through.
So, once upon a time I had graduated from college and went right into a corporate (has only been 2 years since). I was fortunate enough that I got assigned a project that was just starting, and even though I had no clue what was going on, I started doing whatever was assigned.
I initially worked in java and then finished all my tasks earlier than expected, so they switched me to another C++ project that builds on top of it.
Fast forward 2.5 years, I'm now the team lead of the CPP project and all my friends who were in the core team have left the company.
As usual, the reason behind it is shitty management. These mfs won't hire competent people and WILL ABSOLUTELY NOT retain the ones that are. I can feel it in my bones that it is time for me to leave, but fuck me if I understand what I am good at.
I have been able to handle all the tasks that they threw at me, be it java or c++ - just because I love logic and algorithms. I have been dabbling in ML and AI since 4-5 years now, but could never go into it full time.
Now I'm looking at the job postings and Jesus Christ these bitches do not understand what they want. I have to be expert in 34567389 technologies, mastering each of whom (by mastering I mean become proficient in) would need at least 6-8 months if not more, all with 82146867+ years of experience in them.
I don't know if I am supposed to learn on Java (so spring boot and stuff) or I'm supposed to do c++ or I'm gonna go with Python or should I learn web dev or database management or what.
I like all of these things, and would likely enjoy working in each of these, but for fucks sake my cv doesn't show this and most of the bitch ass recruiter portals keep putting my cv in the bin.
Yeah...
If you have read so far, here's a picture of a cat and a dog.
6 -
Sales: "There is a problem in complicated feature A, in a client system!
Dev: "What is the problem"
Sales: "I don't know exactly"
Dev: "which client system? What version is installed?"
Sales: crickets.
Dev: "Do you a Jira ticket, or an email with more details?"
Sales: "It is urgent that we fix the problem ASAP!"
Dev: "what problem"
Sales: "The problem! I talked to the VP RnD, So he can make sure you are on it!"
Dev: "What exactly do you me to fix"
Sales: "The Problem!"6 -
I'm finally realising my long time dream and making a programming language. It's a functional language resemblent in both appearance and usage to lambda calculus. I'll mostly be making plans down to the finest details until the end of summer, at which point if I can gauge the challenge I can hopefully submit this as a graduate project.
This is the first in a series of articles documenting my progress:
https://lbfalvy.github.io/blog/... -
I don't know man.. I know it's !dev, I just wanna share with ye how beautiful my first Tomahawk steak turned out..
Relatively stressful week with requirements doing U-turns and 5 requirements all becoming first priority, I had my first feckup in a while (nothing bad, just wasted a couple people's time) and now I started off into the weekend with this beauty..
100% Irish grassfed beef with a glass of Redbreast 12. Now I wanna sleep and digest.. OR drink much more whiskey. Not sure yet.
Enjoy the long weekend guys 😬
16 -
Manager: Can you stay late as fuck today? One of our bitchiest vendors is gonna update their piece of crap and I'm pretty damn sure shit is gonna hit the fan
Dev (inner voice): no fucking way, I have kids to watch and chores to do!
Dev (outer voice): can't we just check everything in the morning?
Manager: No fucking way! If there is some fucking "challenge" when our "people" try to log onto their shit, I'm gonna look like a chump!
Let's talk silvers, I will sign on that bloody commie bullshit for your hours tonight.
Dev (outer voice): Fine. Until how late?
Dev (inner voice): Wait, I was supposed to do it without getting overtime bonus?5 -
Because DevOps in a lot of organizations is really “help desk for clueless developers”, conversations like this happen a lot:
Dev “hey the thing seems to be not working right”
Me “what does that even mean? I need you to be a good deal more specific. What thing. What isn’t working?”
Dev “I dunno”
Me “Are there error messages?”
Dev “yes”
Me “….would you like to share them with me?”
Dev *sends error*
Me “ok did you actually read this error message?”
Dev “yes”
Me “…so you’re good then? It says you’re trying to use a variable that hasn’t been declared yet. You should fix that. “
Dev “…”
Me “good luck”14 -
Manager: How's (insert dumbass task that they assigned literally 1 hour ago) going? 😊
Dev: We have JIRA for a reason, you'll see it will be moved to demo / review when it's ready.
Manager: ...
Dev: ...2 -
Interviewer: Yeah so we're hiring you as the person who would build out and own our client-facing web application and related stack.
Dev: Perfect, that's what I've been doing for the past 10 years, I'm your guy.
Interviewer: GREAT SO WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN FORK AND EXEC ON A PROCESS ON A LINUX MACHINE!?!?!?!?
Dev: I don't... know immediately at this moment?
Dev: Sigh
Dev: I hate my life
Dev: Somebody please help me18 -
Learn to read documentation and don't rely on 5 minute Youtube tutorials, stackoverflow or dev blogs for every little thing.6
-
Someone here on devrant that used to go under the name LetMeCode ranted about php and said how much they'd rather work with the Phoenixframework.
Love on first sight. Studied Elixir to get a job as an elixir dev and got my first and current job right after graduating high school.
So yeah, that rant might have changed my life. Saved me from becoming a java or php dev for sure!4 -
At what point do I stop being a Jr dev? Is it a time spent in the field type of thing?
Or is everyone a Jr dev and titles are pointless.16 -
!Dev
So today I got a gig for plumbing. So I did it anyway. Here are the picture of what I did. Now they can flush their shit down to the sewer. (Where most of my former bosses are)
6 -
What you see:
"we gonna build a new application to replace our legacy one"
How to read:
"we gonna make you put more shit in the legacy app whenever we want and still keep asking about the new app you don't have the time to make"2 -
Dev: Writes "this feature will take some time..." (proceeds to list bullet points touching on the main modifications required)
Manager: Can you explain what you mean by "takes some time?"
Dev: ...
Manager: ...4 -
2022 Dev Goal: Find a way to retire early so I never have to build another website or write another line of code again. It’s been over 25 years and I’m just done and over it.11
-
As a software engineer, I’ve only *ever* worked remotely. I honestly have no idea what it’s like working in an office as a dev/engineer. Probably makes me weird. 😅
What did you like about working in an office, if you’ve had that experience? Was mentoring different? What did you dislike about it?29 -
1) Read the wiki on git. I probably have enough shorthands and test methods that you won't need much other shit to debug issues.
2) when debugging, remember that if it is there, there's a good reason why I put it there.
3) commented-out code is probably useful for maintenance. I left it there for a good reason. 😛
4) chances are whatever I wrote, was the state of the art at the time I wrote it. There might be better ways to do it now tho.
5) I always work modular. First, understand the structure. (probably also documented on wiki) DO NOT fuck up the structure. If you change it, you document it.
6) If you feel I wrote shit, it's probably because management annoyed the living shit out of me. Pun intended.
7) Your confusion is normal. I don't do dumb shit.4 -
I've forgotten how to make friends.
I think I've grown to the point where I can barely tolerate myself, let alone somebody else on a regular basis. Plus, being busy makes it hard to be decent to people and actually get back to their messages and calls.
Plus, I don't code anymore...
*Starts making another cocktail before the supervisor starts yelling*8 -
BI dev: Hey, can you help me with my SQL query?
Me: Sure, let me see it.
BI dev: sends screenshot - not even the whole query, literally a screenshot with a segment of text in it. No errors showing either.
Me: ...7 -
i was helping a friend who just started learning how to code and i realized that tutorials don't teach you how to read error messages and how to debug. that's stuff we learn from people, it's tacit knowledge. that's crazy to me, because those are such essential skills to a dev and i think just self learning is not enough. maybe coding is even more of a socially dependent skill than i ever thought. looking at it that way, stackoverflow is a good example of that, I can't really imagine being a dev without the dev community7
-
If a tree falls over in the woods..
And important dev work gets done and shipped,
And it's not in JIRA.. did it even really happen..5 -
!rant
It‘s just amazing how much a proper type system and a modern language makes refactoring a good dev experience.4 -
I'm truly surprised how well Linux is coping with my 32GB RAM dev laptop :)
Currently open and actively used:
1. 2x Chrome windows (70-100 tabs total)
2. 5x IntelliJ Idea projects
3. 3x AndroidStudio projects
4. 2x different grade daemons
Still snappy, still quick af!
I wonder how windows would handle that. From my xp 2 IDEs already were a struggle34 -
Manager’s PR Description: I made changes relating to a ticket which should work as expected. I also made various other changes as I saw fit, test whatever else I changed too.
Dev: …2 -
I really like Docker. I think that’s the best thing that happened in the dev field for years. Easy shipping and installation of software without messing up dependencies to other software.16
-
Idea for Weekly Rant - What have you developed that you're most proud of?😁
Idea for Dev Rant in General - Ability to add and message friends. Groups or Communities to join and chat. 👫3 -
After I graduated, I found a junior job in a company where I already knew the only dev, who has been working there for 6 years. Immediately after I signed the contract, the manager told me that the other guy was leaving the company in one month... Horror!7
-
It's official, the "front end dev" doesn't know how to code.
Why.
And it's not a "Well I don't know JS because I use React." scenario, no. He has almost no idea of coding.
What was he thinking trying to build the front end of a very complex app with just HTML, CSS and stupid copied and pasted snippets?5 -
Stories from Gary #000
Short background info:
So I'm working as a game dev for 3 years now and by now I can say that I've seen some shit. Mostly because of one of our game designers, let's call him Gary.
So Gary, from here on called GDG (Game Designer Gary), is a regular game designer (GD). His job is to come up with new game ideas, commission the assets, make sure that translations are done, etc. - simply put, he has to get a lot of shit together before we can start working on a new game.
Would be no problem at all if GDG wasn't lazy as shit and would work for once in his life. No dev really wants to work with him anymore, since he's known for calling a game or any issue "ready for development" even if half the assets or specs are still missing.
Let's move on to a particular situation that happened a couple of months ago.
I had an issue assigned to me, which was about implementing the translations for a new game. As I read the issue and checked if everything I needed was given, I noticed that the most important part was in fact missing - the keywords for the translations.
-.-
So, I called GDG and asked where I could find the keywords, to which he responded "Oh, I'm working on them right now... and by the way I got a weird bug with the translation program. Can you come check it out?". Sigh. I went over to his office, rambling about how I should be able to help him with a program I rarely use and which was written ages ago.
As soon as GDG saw me coming roundbthe corner, he started explaining how the keywords aren't ready yet, since the program to create translations and their keywords won't let him name a translation.
"I can create new translations, but I can't assign a keyword to them."
"Okay, show me what you did", I told him, eager to leave.
He started to type the keyword, which turned out to be huge ass long and immediately I noticed a little counter, like "x/50", directly beneath the text field started to count up with every new character GDG typed. See where I'm going with this? HE WASNT ABLE TO RENAME A TRANSLATION BECAUSE HE WAS TOO LAZY TO FUCKING READ AND CONCENTRATE FOR ONCE. Sorry for that, but even thinking about it gets me angry again.
To some this might sound like nothing, but it really got to me at this point. Maybe it will become more understandable as I post more GDG stories.
tl;dr: A 40 something year old man, who's been working in his job for over 10 years wasn't able to use a program which he daily uses and asks me for help, only to find out he's a complete dipshit.4 -
Family reaction to me being a dev (and offering to replace their home/personal IT guy with google drive and a mesh wifi network):
We're going to hire an IT guy because they have more experience doing this kind of thing. BITCH, I'VE BEEN DOING THIS FOR 15 YEARS!!!1 -
Management: Our internal app must be 100% rigid so that we users follow predefined process flows exactly so no mistakes are made while also being 100% flexible so that users are free to go about their business in whatever way they feel is appropriate for their own unique needs. These are the requirements!
Dev: …7 -
Any tips on how to properly document my code? I'm going to start my first internship soon so I need to learn it.12
-
I hate apples. I buy them at the grocery store. They taste bland, they don't have any smell and by eating them I don't get any positive emotions.
Well, at least this is the conclusion in my head every autumn after a year of eating store bought apples.
Then the end of autumn comes/winter begins and I visit my grandparents, who live in a village. I get a bag of apples (15-20 kgs) and this bag smells wonderful. Heck, the car smells wonderful for a few days after transporting the bag back home.
My grandparents give around 7-8 varieties of apple, mixed. Each and every one of them tastes amazing, even if I have to cut some spots out from a few. They don't always look perfect, but I think these are the noble ones and the store bought would be the peasants.
I know, it's kind of obvious, that the homegrown fruits are better, but it still amazes my tastebuds every year, plus I'm really grateful for having my grandparents.8 -
!dev
Well fuck you Epic Games and Deep Silver!
I was really interested in getting Metro Exodus, but I'm not gonna install that shitty Epic Store!
Fuck off!11 -
Morning there:)
To everyone who’s enjoying / doesn’t but is going to enjoy ( ̀⌄ ́) the DevStory:
here we go, with the third episode.
Leave a comment below and tell me your “dev stories” :)
11 -
So about two months ago in my consulting firm I was asked to replace a colleague on a project (node and Angular). The project is only a few months old but it’s already a total clusterfuck. DB is very poorly designed. It’s supposed to be a relational database but there’s not a trace of a foreign key or any key for that matter and I’ve seen joins like tableA.name = tableB.description (seriously, that’s your relation??). The code is a mess with entire blocks of code copied from another project and many parts of the code aren’t even used. He didn’t even bother renaming variables so they would make sense in the context they were shamelessly thrown into. The code is at best poorly typed if not typed at all.
During our dailies I sometimes express my frustration with my other colleagues as I very politely allude to my predecessor’s code as being hard to work with. (They are all “good friends" with him). I always get the same response from my colleagues: "yeah but you’ve gotta understand Billybob was under a lot of pressure. The user stories were not well defined. He didn’t have time to do a proper job". That type of response just makes me boil inside.
Because you think I have time to deal with this shit? You don’t think I’m working with the same client and his user stories that are barely intelligible? How long does it take to write type definitions for parameters going into a function? That’s right, 30 seconds at most? Maybe a minute if it’s a more elaborate object? How much time do you think you’ll save yourself with a properly typed function or better yet an interface? Hard to tell but certainly A LOT MORE than those 30 seconds you lost (no, the 30 seconds you INVESTED) in writing that interface!!!
FUCK people with their excuses! Never tell me you don’t have time to do a proper job! You’ve wasted HOURS of my time just because you were too fucking lazy to type your functions, too lazy to put just a little more thought into designing your tables, too lazy to rename a variable so that it’s name actually makes sense where it’s being used. It’s not because you were short on time. You’re just lazy!
FUCK!!!!!!4 -
I'd say it was when I did a Codereview and the dev said that he doesn't really know how the code works and he doesn't quite know what it's purpose is supposed to be.
We are talking about less then 200 lines, all written by himself, this is not copied code.1 -
I hate demo day. Why can't anyone else demo this shit? Just because I'm the front-end dev on this team doesn't mean I'm the only one who can go through stories and click buttons on my screen damn it!5
-
I haven't been here for a long while but I wanted to peek in because of the dev ducks, cause I thought they would be a great gift for someone and now I found out they're sold out - my disappointment is immeasurable and my day is ruined.
But now I decided I'm just gonna buy. a rubber duck and DIY it.1 -
Alright, it looks like everyone at this bank, a client, I work for will now start avoiding me. I'm usually the only person that takes the time to review PRs and give a feedback. Everyone just seem to click accept because they can't be bothered.
A few months down the line, they begin to wonder why there is so many tech all over the place.
Good luck to anyone that wants me to review their PRs. I pledge to continue to take the time to review PRs and give feedback. I will not be pressured to click the accept button on what I perceive to be sub-optimal code. So help me God.2 -
Why do game studios force social/multiplayer in single player games?
Single player sandbox? How about we make it a multiplayer co-op?
Just fine 1 on 1 brawl? Hey how about you find a team and tag team? No? Too bad fuck you, no points to you for a whole fucking season.
Ugh.15 -
Imagine being a senior dev with a green junior that says: "Well maybe there is a better way and I just don't know"
and you say:
"There is, I'm telling you"
only to continue on discussing it more.5 -
!dev I don't understand why in job ads they write: "Looking for 20 developers". What, are they raising a farm? LoL. Why so many developers.. especially if it's for a small company?5
-
This is the strangest thing that has happened to me:
I once worked as a intern at a consultancy company. Me and another junior got a brand new customer project assigned to us (bad idea I know) we spent 2 months working on that project, building a website from scratch. The customer paid 10 000€ for it. The website sucked and didn't work properly in the end.
I ended up leaving the company for unrelated reasons and left the project. A couple of months later I asked the other junior whatever happened to that project and he said that the customer seemed to have forgotten about the project and no one was working on it anymore
Like what? How do you just forget about something you paid 10 000€ for? I mean I'm happy they did as it was the worst project I've built4 -
The project is nowhere near complete, the customers are waiting for demo/proof of concept. the code is spaghetti and I'm burned out.
Oh, and I'm a solo dev.2 -
Hey, all you shitty devs who give my Udemy courses 1 or 2 stars with no comment or feedback
FUCK YOU!!!!13 -
Dev: Woah look at this code! I might be a genius!
Also dev a few months later: Woah WTH is this shit? Was I totally dumb or what?2 -
Finally got a new role from testautomation to Embedded sw dev. I will also have to learn Rust for embedded and elixir for web facing side, which is nice!5
-
Agile is a fancy word for we, the top Dawgs can change the requirements at any time and you dev peasants will have to deal with it.5
-
Companies: We're starting to rotate people back through the office
Devs all drinking their desks: Please no2 -
My boss thinks database = table
I hope it doesn't bring problems in the long run.
Any "web dev for CEOs" material you recommend?5 -
Companies that make things devs have to work with: please stop trying to implement your own version of markdown. I don't want to memorize 3 different ways of making links6
-
Low budget companies be charging insane prices to clients and let the junior frontend dev setup a Azure cluster.. then wonder why it suddenly falls apart at the end of the project
-
I love old school design. 1990's and 2000's website has their charm.
Negative side of this: I want to be frontend dev and I can only design these, so I can't make modern website without proper designer6 -
Every day my faith in humanity grows lesser and lesser, and my fear on how to live in this world grows more and more.
So glance is an Indian company that has partnerships with brands like Xiaomi and Realme in the manner that their app can show wallpapers (and ads) to users without even opening the lock screen. being a privacy-focused person, I got irritated with it when I bought a new $300 phone and saw it on my first unlock. but in my expensive device, I had an option to turn it off in settings.
however, I then bought a cheap $100 phone for my dad and it didn't had those options; in fact, it had a stupid game center app that would install more crap on his device and hang his low end device even more.
The world is going crazy right now.
earlier there were a few rich people who would never get exposed and if they do, they would be publically shamed and would indirectly play a great role in uniting people against them and their malpractices (checkout : https://amazon.com/Generation-X-Sea...), therby evolving the human community as whole
however, every 3rd person on the block nd every next is now earning a decent amount , either by hook or crook and most will agree that malice is the way of getting the things you want and getting stuff done.
- Be it the cop next door who is taking bribes for getting to work.
- Be it the devs next door doing moonlighting for multiple companies.
- Be it the government (and the people working with them), running targeted social media campaigns and buying puppet press to gain support and incite communal hatred.
- Be it the stock/crypto traders, trying to run hype trains and insider infos to gain off foolish first timers
- Be it the vicious entrepreneurs, trying to splash those targeted ads on the face of us and coming up with newer ways to monetize every step we take on internet via xyz-as-a-service
Manipulation and trickery is now the main skill required to live in the world. lion eats the deer and fox eats the rabbit, but we are the first evolved "apex" predators that wants to eat our own kind to benefit.
Being born in India, the land of so called "culture" and "most evolved heritage" and that too in jain-hindu family, I have been fed with a lot of stuff deemed "Good" and "Righteous" .
But i don't feel like they are relavent in the modern vicious world :The values of being a vegetarian and not harming animals, kindness and hardwork, righteous person caring for the minority/equal rights, concern person voicing for privacy, helpfulness, spritual prayers, etc all feel useless when i can simply create an anonymous account, chant "death to minorities", incite violence , kiss some superior's ass and get all my work done from someone more feeble via my goons.
If the land of a million gods can also be the land of most communal violence, rapes , sexual abuses , crimes and fraud, with even the modern startups and the so called millenal generation accepting and adhering to this vicious ethics , then what's the point in being a so called "good person" ?
the whole pond is dirty and is being dumped with even more dirt, every good fish is eventually gonna turn vile.6 -
!RANT
Web Devs - I need your opinions.
To make a long story short, when my fiancé and I first moved in together I changed cities. One day at the grocery store we ran in to one of his old buddies, whom I had never met. His buddy works as a counselor at a non profit organization for mental illness. His friend asked me some questions to get to know me and found out I was a web developer. He instantly got exited and told us they needed a new website for their non profit, and asked me what I charged. Being shy, put on the spot, newer to the industry (uncomfortable talking $ due to inexperience) and seeing the guy was paralyzed I felt I HAD to say yes. I also said I would consider donating the site to them, as I knew my other web dev friends had done that for other non profits.
They were easy to work with and the build went smooth. We chose Wordpress so that they could go in and update the site on their own. I was under the assumption that I would create the site for them, but that they would take care of changes on their own, that I wouldn't be "supporting it". I even trained the friend 2-3xs on how to use Wordpress and make changes, but they ALWAYS have changes every month, including slides and content creation. Being a noob at the time, I KNOW it's my fault for not being more clear on the I'll build it but not make changes thing, and I've tried to kind of get them to see that I'm too busy, politely.
We'll, 3+ years later I've now found success in a different career path that takes up ALL of my free time after my 9-5 corporate web dev position, and am no longer interested nor able to do freelance work, including supporting existing sites. Since we don't have a contract in place, and they've never given me a cent, i was thinking of giving them a notice at the end of this month saying as of 2018 I will no longer be able to take care of their website, and that they'll have to find someone else by that time? I feel bad because it's a non profit and they don't have a lot of money. I'm afraid they won't find someone else nor be able to afford it. The situation is a little more sticky since this is my fiancés friend and I don't want them to feel like I'm leaving them high and dry, cuz I know they're very thankful for the site. I just wish they understood that I never promised to do changes for them every month. Even if they offered me money, I just don't have the time. I'm 100% fine if they want to keep the site and my code, although they really could use a redesign anyways cuz my code back then was terrible. What are your thoughts on this? Is 5 months fair? Am I doing the right thing?8 -
New job. Almost all sites are blocked due to "security"... even spotify. I can' listen to the music. Fortunately i have access to dev rant xd4
-
worst - not finding a job/internship for months
best - I now have my first dev job, and I will be graduating college and getting married this month! -
Product manager: When building new features, we find we have bugs that reappear in other parts of the app where the bug was solved before. We have to find a solution to this issue.
Dev: These are called regressions, they happen all the time in software development.
Product manager: ...
Dev: Fuck outta here! Its friday!3 -
!dev
There are two weeks left until the PhD application results are published. But I'm having such awful nervous breakdowns. I don't even know, if it's anxiety or if I'm literally dying inside from something else. From an almost-heart-attack today when I got a trivial and unrelated bad-news email, to keep having weird dreams about things like end of the world and post-apocalyptic life, or being jumpy all the time.
... And it's not like it's life or death, I know that. I know that I can do other things if this doesn't stick. I know things will workout the way they should; I know all of those. But there's just something destroying my physical and mental health right now, and I don't even know if it's just the anxiety for the next big step in my career, or something else, or how I should deal with it.
... Anyways, amannoyed.7 -
Finishing my degree after moving to a foreign country alone, while also working as a dev part time.
I recently moved to another country and switched jobs, and even though I'm getting stuff done, I feel like I just don't deserve the job. It just feels surreal that I made it so far and it just feels like dumb luck sometimes.2 -
Not strictly a dev-goal, but anyway:
Now that I am responsible for a few people in the company I work for, my goal is to find a balance between managing and dev, and to help them develop their skills, be productive, and enjoy their work. -
So many…
I think in general they boil down to: “you may be an expert, but I know what I want”
But the worst experience above all is one I had with a German school: the director/previous dev got angry cause they were told a real dev was needed (they were told this by most of their colleagues) and tried to actively make my job miserable. Oh and they requested an auto starting video with sound ofc! Q U A L I T Y - W E B S I T E -
Normal colleagues pick the right slack channel and post a message there.
My colleague picks a random channel that has no relation to dev at all and posts a question/request there.
He must be using a random script to pick the next channel name :D -
To any of you CSS pros out there, you are worth your weight in gold. I'm a Senior Frontend dev and still struggle with it.10
-
One of my bad dev habits is that I tend to take up too much work because a lot of devs I had to work with seemed not competent enough. It's a bad habit because I get way overworked which influences code quality and deadlines.
I have to learn to trust more in others and give up some responsibility... it's hard though.
I think a big influence on my mindset has been that I never worked in a team bigger than 4 developers and I had way more experience in web dev than the others.
I sometimes may appear as an arrogant prick, but it's not intentional.9 -
I deleted the Facebook app on my phone (2.5 hours of background use a day?!)
Now I have nothing to close to immediately reopen and feel like an idiot. And don't you dare suggest dev rant, this place barely has enough content to open once a day.15 -
Last 24 hrs have been fucking bad for me. No electricity for almost 22 hours and the inverter died after 12 hours. The foods gone bad in fridge, have been away from almost everything. My phone was at 10%, luckily power bank saved me but now power bank is almost empty (because mi has a huge battery and power bank was only 75%). Don't know what fucking bad things gonna happen now.12
-
"Pay more attention to the house"
Oh, really?
I'm working here!
Why every non tech person acts like I'm doing no fucking shit all day?
These types of things makes me want open my own fucking office.5 -
When people ask me what I do for a living I reply : "I'm dev" (Which is "Je suis dev" in french) and people always think I'm called Dave4
-
HR: "you are the highest paid dev on team"
Dev: Then not just me, the entire team should get a hike 🥴
HRs are hired because they are good negotiators.
#aFriendsStoryAtABigMNC -
What a joy working in a company that uses git as if it's subversion (dev branches? What are dev branches?) paired with gerrit. Getting a single, crucial change pushed to the actual repo can take days. The speed of the site can be measured in geological epochs. The interface has a charm of windows 95. Half of the builds are broken. Life is fleeting and I'm wasting it here.7
-
My family STILL doesn't know what I do to this day. I graduated 3 years ago and have been in the industry since. They think I'm a designer. 🙄 No, mom and dad. I CODE. 😂2
-
Feel utterly deflated today. Working with an API that gives no feedback what so ever. Going around in circles and making little progress. What’s worse is we quoted 1 days work.
With all my experience I should be better!2 -
Anyone else noticed how Comp Sci teachers are always useless so you just end up teaching yourself way more than they've taught you?12
-
>Be me
>Pale af
>Burn easy af
>Start balding in 20s
>That's annoying in the first place
>"JUsT sHaVe yOuR hEaD tHeN"
>Don't like caps/hats
>Live in South Africa, see above about burning12 -
Today I trolled my Italian dev colegue by telling him that I like to listen to creepypasta but I wrote the word like this: "creepy pasta" he typed for 10 minutes but only sent the following:
"Your... listening to pasta Barilla ... ?"
I hope to troll him more in the future.
4 -
My worst experience with a designer was when one forgot to design the website mock up for 2 weeks... so I just did it myself. Thankfully I have a degree in both development & design and bullshited my way through it. We were swamped at the time so I wasnt too thrilled to be doing his job. He somehow still has a job here, even though he's lazy and his mockups suck. 🤐😵👎
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How many years experience as a dev do you need to feel like the cool hacker guy in the movies instead of a blind monkey trying to play the violin for the first time?9
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Me after my Mac decided to run two unkillable mystery httpd processes on port 80 when I’m just trying to meet deadlines using MAMP for local dev but it no longer works.
3 -
How would you react if you got a dev job but had no technical stage at all? (coding/take home/quiz)5
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One thing that I've noticed is that devs are the most stupid human beings while doing estimation or planning for the sprint. And I'm a dev too2
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My dev super power would be to read client's minds before a design call and eradicate their stupid ideas for a website that make absolutely no sense. Save us all a headache.
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Guess, I'm slithering my way out from "tough dev days" by mentoring. I tell you, it's very convenient.3
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Anybody else work dual screen and every once in a while thinks.
You know want, I need a third screen!9 -
C/C++ - complex, very fast, used for OS dev
Java - Comparatively easy, fast, used app dev
Python - very easy, comparitively slow, used for app dev
Then there is this boy
Rust - Just fucks you up10 -
Windows PC's are literally just consoles
Windows is trying to integrate WSL so badly but until it's seamless Windows just won't be a dev environment
OSX4LYF13 -
Brain : Hey, there's this task that needs to be done
Me : oh sure, let me do it
* tries to do it unsuccessfully a few times *
Brain : ...
Me : ...
Brain : DON'T YOU --
Me : * Opens devrant and starts scrolling *
Seriously though, if you guys could suggest some good cmake tutorials ( I'm using VSCode and GCC 8.1.0 for compilation ) - that'd be swell :)
Keep rocking!2 -
# Dev goals 2022
- Learn more Rust
- Create a steady source of side income by completing and monetizing side projects, creating NFTs, or maybe assisting a boot camp with tutoring or something (FT dev job is a start up which I like but nothing is certain.) -
I tried mate!
I'm not sure if I like it that much!
@darksideofyay got me into mate tea and I just had to try it for some unknown reason.
I didn't get the pot and bombilla because that seemed unnecessarily expensive for a tea I had not tried.
I got the tea leaves, brewed them like green tea and it didn't work at all. The flavour was lacking and it was a letdown.
But I knew I was drinking it wrong. I needed bombilla. But hold on, @darksideofyay was brewing her toasted mate like tea. So I toasted a handful of leaves and brewed it.
And yay! I like that thicc tobacco aroma. The taste profile is better than green tea but nowhere near the black teas. All in all I'm convinced I need to try it with bombilla.
Fun times.30 -
Worst: Not landing a decent job
Best: dev-wise, none really.
It has been a rather shit year, really.15 -
Job post I saw today. They are either looking for:
- C/C# Dev to the company
- HAPPY Frontend dev
- Java Dev to the company
Well now.. only the front end gets to be happy but doesn't know where to work while the other two can be grumpy and know they'll work at the company? 🤔
4 -
Finally got my first dev job. I am looking at the code base for my company. And it’s like I know how to code in this language. But I don’t know half of the advanced shit they’re doing. I understand they have more experience than me. But I’m just not sure how to catch up to them. Or be even on the same level as them? I guess just more out of office learning?
I can read what they’re putting in the code and understand how it works. But like how they came up with it I have no clue. I guess I’ll learn over time and have to put in some extra man hours.5 -
I’m not sure why my dev tools feels the need to change warnings to a foreign language, but thanks Chrome!
10 -
That moment where you're scared for you job because one of your merges seemingly broke the builds for the 2nd time in a week, had HR reach out, a more senior developer take over the ticket after it gets sent back from testing twice ONLY TO FIND OUT LATER IT WAS ANOTHER PERSONS TICKET THAT WAS CAUSING THE ISSUE8
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Every day i wonder if i should just quit the dev life and write childrens books. I am imagining the skillsets should transfer pretty well.
Then i remember i have bills to pay -
Question - How are computers and air conditioners similar?
They are both useless when you open windows. -
Question of the day:
What to do when listing fees on exchanges too high?
Answer:
Unicorn;)
And a happy new year (delayed though :p)!
11 -
My body decided to work against me
Last 3 days my “sleep schedule” has been “stay in bed with eyes closed until it’s morning without falling asleep”
If I go insane please tell my dog she was adopted. Ah… insanity is starting to kick in, next steps I’m defending pascal and managers…2 -
!dev
So my (public) health insurance should cover a test I'd like to make. But if I don't want to call a bunch of clinics every week for months only to get an appointment a year later eventually I'll have to pay myself (to get an appointment in a few months instead). -
A new year, a new job.
After a years hard graft learning front end code I finally landed my first dev job!
Even though the job is a while away, there will be nothing stopping me getting there and learning all I can in this industry.
#bosh2 -
I was wondering what do you guys think about companies which dictates which ide devs have to use.
In my opinion every dev should use what he or she can utilize best no matter if a free or paid license is required for the ide.10 -
Thread about Quality Analysts/Testers!
I've seen that Managers and HR get a lot of shit thrown their way but I'm surprised to see no love for our QA friends
What was your worst experience with a QA/Software Tester? When was the last time you felt like punching your monitor over an argument with them?
If you're a QA, what has been your worst experience with developers?7 -
NPC stereotypical dev: "I self identify as socially awkward."
NPC stereotypical dev: <Gets irrationally angry about friendly banter.>
NPC stereotypical dev: "I hate people who try to interact with me socially."
And knowing is half the battle. GI Joe!1 -
I chose my next milestone as a dev. I’m gonna ask a question on stackoverflow. I just need a question 🤔10
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I have bills to pay, I’ve got mouths to feed. 💵 don’t grow on 🌳
I also take breaks, exercise and vacations, no dev can work 24/7 and expect to keep his sanity.5 -
Was having a conversation with a dev friend and he said, in every tech implementation, we are more or less doing CRUD operations at fundamental level.
To which, I agree with as there are three layers to tech
1. Data
2. Front end where the data is rendered
3. APIs to perform CRUD on data
Want to understand community's thoughts on this..13 -
I’m concerned for our dev friends in Ukraine. Hard to get info about what’s really going on there. Anyone got a real update that isn’t propaganda from state-run news orgs?4
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Been 6 months at this one company and still don't have a good grasp on many things, I'm also almost absolutely useless in oncall and always loop in someone else, it's like my brain just afks.
I'm sure everyone has that one dumb Dev on their team, guess it's me this time, I can sense the annoyance from my teammates by my stupidity so far, there's just so much to learn about domains and specific things that only come up when things break, idk how to gain proper knowledge without someone babysitting me and Its shit for someone to do that (I'm not a junior Dev)14 -
I don’t get why ARM assembly is so much clunkier than it should be. It could’ve been so much more readable and easy to write in if more dev-friendliness was built into the syntax.
15 -
[!dev]
Sometimes I feel an overwhelming lack of willpower that prevents me from moving except for my eyes. It passes within a minute and leaves a temporary tiredness. I didn't really think about it until now and I have no idea why, but yesterday it happened while a friend was talking about something they're passionate about and I realised that this is very far from normal. Have you experienced something like this?5 -
Last week summary:
-questioning my identity (I’m cleaning and realised I forgot I used to like many activities I forgot and decided to give them more time)
-questioning how tf my unconscious seems to always plan ahead of me (ah yes I can do this cause I prep… why tf did I prepare for this?)
-questioning my skills (just a standard imposter syndrome, nothing to see here, move on)
-questioning my worth (as above)
-questioning how tf somebody connected to a secret account I have (spoiler: they don’t know and it’s a crazy coincidence… but now I know secrets about them 😏)
-randomly freezing during everyday life for all the above points
Job wise all is cool, tho 🎊2 -
Starting a new position as a junior dev tomorrow. Any tips how to behave among the big bois in office? What to avoid and etc.?11
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So I've just been proposed by my (now ex) team leader to be the next team leader. I'm scared to death because this is something completely new to me.
What are your views on the move from development to team leader? How did you handle the transition?4 -
Need some advice. I’m a uni student and I really want to go into machine learning, data science, or computer vision. I have most of the skills and I feel I am fairly competent. However, the only professional experiences I have are web dev based. How can I make myself more appealing for data based roles? I really don’t want to do web dev anymore hahahahah5
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New strategy to combat managers:
If you claim we can't afford the additional time for the tests that come with the feature, I won't build the feature.
If you claim we can't afford the additional time for the proper API versioning that comes with the feature, I won't build the feature.
And finally, if the internationalized texts, designs, and image assets are not complete when it comes time for development, I won't build the feature.
It's time to rise and stand against the "You're an engineer! do it all!" notions. I'm not a designer. I'm not a translator. I'm not a by-hand manual customer tester. And I'm certainly not going to take any more of your shit.2 -
I want to put together a dev team for a discord bot that does almost everything but I have no discord bot dev friends.
Would anyone like to help me make this possible? It will be written in python.7 -
Client: bug: downloading invoice pdf filename is F0000%20client%20project.pdf, fix this!
Dev: Safari browser has this problem since 2014, options are installing chrome on mac or saving file as F0000_client_project.pdf
Client: no, fix this!
Dev: 😫5 -
17,000 USD a year?! That's outrageously high (for a Philippino)!! This dev must either be a god or they're ripping us off!
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Has anyone ever checked out or is a member of the overemployed subreddit? I’m at a point in my career where I could start applying for senior dev jobs, but according to this sub It’d be more lucrative to hold down two FT junior dev jobs. I average about 3-4 hours a day at my job so I could pull it off if I get a second just like it.4
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In the midst of considering to be an AI engineer, data science or embedded programmer.
Plan to retire from mobile dev, backend dev and webdev. -
Will web3 solve the problem of wealth accumulating at the top?
Normally, those in management positions (founders, VCs, CXOs) get rich while most of the actual-work and thought-work doers struggle to meet their financial needs.
Can web3 decentralisation help employees accumulate wealth in right proportion to the work that they do?
If you feel that it can, how?
If you feel that it can't, why? What are the challenges?18 -
Worked as android dev for 2.5 year and then worked as java gameserver dev for 2 years.
Now I wanna go back to android dev so I spent the last month grinding kotlin/android basics and already have 2 interviews lined up this week. Applying for junior dev role because of my gap and because my confidence in my android ability currently is really low. Having ADD doesnt help because I suck in memorizing implementations, syntax and I suck at live coding under pressure.
Fuck it I will set their expectations low, will get lower salary and hopefully will impress the hell out of them during first few months. Wel see what happens...
Any tips/advices?4 -
I spent ~12h working on a simple issue/bug.
7h was spent on rebuilding local dev environment which is a clusterfuck of maven profiles, tomcat, some autogenerated degeneracy, and 2 different build systems for JS.
5h spent on actual bug fixing, code reviews and so on.
FML2 -
Well this weekly rant topic comes a few weeks to soon....
Ah what the hell, my most successful dev project is hopefully this: https://codeglass.io
Why: well that is why this topic comes to soon, I can't disclose anymore than there is on the website for now, release will hopefully be this month.
It is pretty awesome. It deserves to be called next generation. -
Building your e-commerce looks easy for a dev. Just build a webapp and cry over it not getting hits 🤷♂️.
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Wow, it seems a lot of people on here hate web dev.
It sounds like they dont know what they are doing 😊12 -
Best:
- Guiding few junior engineers.
- Figured out the root cause for an issue which would hampered the productivity of some folks.
Worst:
- Not being able to work on a proper dev ticket
- Not even being able to identify a proper fix for the issue mentioned above. (It is still in the works, but only after 2021) -
Recently changed my laptop over to Linux. Now I have to write twice as many bat/shell files for every project.10
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Yo guys any advice or tips for product dev/product management (internship) and all would be awesome1
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Our lead frontend dev insists on using <select> as a dropdown for a language switcher in the navbar of a website and then make the page redirect to the localized url using the onChange event with JS.
Am I wrong thinking that's just really, really dumb, or am I just dumb?3 -
Don't work with time, work with target, my father taught me that. It seems similar to don't stop when you are tired but when you are done!!!
Well that helped me when I started my dev career but over the years I had to be wise how I apply the rule so I don't have assholes sucking life out of me in disguise.1 -
I spent 2 years as android dev, after that another 2 years as game dev (current work).
Now I wanna go back to being android dev but I kinda lost self confidence and feels like I'm starting from square 1. Also I will struggle explaining my 2 years gap of working with game development.
Feels like I'm a junior in the area. Feeling totally useless since the way I am now I couldn't even pass android dev interview or complete a tech task.
Having ADHD doesn't help with his. Having gained +25kg and being a fat fuck doesn't help also.
Fuck me.7 -
Can't find a good dev internship here, sure imma move out. Trying to move out, nuuh u uh, you need a years experience to get a resident-work permit in any good country that's got dev internships. Now do I go in as a master's student or what now :(4
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Has anyone else ever been stuck in a 'doSomething()' limbo where your dev section has no tickets so you have to create your own tickets so that you still seem productive?6
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Go for a walk or run outside. Get a fellow dev to play a game on the company xbox. Stop the task and start a new task from the sprint.
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Hi mates 👋
Am going to dedicate myself to dev & open source communities.
I want to build an API that solves something, and I'm looking for your suggestions: what problems in your day-to-day dev life that you would love to have it automated/have it available programmatically?10 -
https://codecrow.io
Released v3.0 [beta] of our dev platform yesterday.
"Twitch for developers"
"a LIVE StackOverflow"
Pitching this to large tech conferences to host their events.
Any feedback is greatly appreciated!
Go check it out!19 -
Thanks, management, for letting us use AWS glue but not letting us have a dev endpoint so we need to determine what the fuck is going on by reading logs and divination if there is a deep problem
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ahhh fuck web development.
i heard somewhere that "money can't buy everything , but i would look pretty awesome crying about it in my Mercedes" . i am going to apply something similar in my web dev learning path4 -
Git gud with TypeScript, do some mobile or some web dev. Also find a full time remote job so don't have to work in a office the rest of my life
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I am about to start a project in RUSTLang , so RUSTLang Dev , is there anything I need to aware or advice before I start ?7
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Rendering a html page which if fully populated with code and markup....fire up dev server, navigate to route and dang.....page is empty and can't see WTF!!! is wrong7
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So this supposed dev ops job has devolved into first support.
This shit honestly doesn't even make sense to me
Time to start looking5 -
Advice to New Devs: Peer review code with co-workers and constantly learn and improve. Ask a lot of questions and during your down time learn something new. :)
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Anyone able to recommend the best place to get courses from for working towards an Azure dev cert (or possibly AWS) ?
I’m thinking udemy etc but only ones I’ve ever used are Linkedin Learning and Pluralsight.
I’m going to be paying for these personally so hopefully not too expensive but quality comes before price.3 -
I was approached by some guy on a project and I need your help figuring out how to go about this.
the project is basically a website where school owners who are not tech savvy can input necessary details about their school and it spins up a site from an existing website template built in react for them.
an extra complexity will be creating custom domain names for each site. will this also be possible ?
I've not done something like this before and I dont know the word for it so making a Google search has been quite hard
my stack is javascript MERN stack.1 -
Typora was the best (closed-source) free markdown editor. As soon as it hit the first stable release, it became non-free. Luckily, you can still download the last beta from https://typora.io/releases/all (click Dev/Beta releases -> scroll down to 'More Beta')
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One of our previous clients is not paying the rest of the payments after receiving the codes. What are the things we can/should do digitally to make them pay the payment?
btw, it was a web app. we worked on the front end and the backend of the app. So, naturally we know all the API endpoints, we have the database access, and so on. So yeah, we can do so many things.
But still I wanna ask you guys, what would you do to make someone pay?3 -
Why the fuck do I have to train ppl on a CRM platform when they have multiple tutorials and I am a backend dev.
Not a fucking CRM dev.
I dont give a shit how the client wants to do business. I just build their tools. -
Looking for android dev who could mentor me with more advanced android dev topics (architecture, unit tests, code style and etc.) I am a self tought intermediate dev with 2 years experience (worked in 3 startups). I need help with questions/ocasional code reviews.3
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Fucking mql5 - code gives no errors, it should create a file but it does not. Why is that?
https://pastebin.com/nUL47eMf
I have searched all my computer, there is no such file.8 -
Been using python for a couple years now. I've had brief ventures into Java and C# but they weren't for me. I've been looking into Cpp recently (watching cherno tutorials etc). Can anyone recommend a good written resource for learning?
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I try to delete a partition from my sundisk Pendrive using GParted but when I do this I got the error that is shown in the image.
And If I try to use "fdisk" which run `sudo fdisk /dev/sda` following command it gives me ```welcome to fdisk (util-linux 2.34).
Changes will remain in memory only, until you decide to write them.
Be careful before using the write command.
fdisk: cannot open /dev/sda: Read-only file system```
following error does that mean my pendrive permanently broke can anybody help me!
9 -
Hi everyone
I have a python script that continuously collects data for me. I want to be able to display that data on a node js server. How should I go about this? I was thinking of maybe having the python script send get requests to the server but I feel that is not the right answer. Let me know if u guys need more info, thanks!5 -
!DEV
Dear uber eats drivers, I usually tip 4 to 6$. But if I see that you are doing another stop "in route" the tip is automaticlly 0.
That's all.2 -
Q: Where's the best place to find horribly corny dev puns?
A: Devrants late at night
seriously you guys are killing me
ngl i chucked at a few tho -
vue errors impossible to know where it caused
https://pasteboard.co/E5ynqes5IISK....
when I click on vue.js?3de6:634
it just gives some inside file. No stack trace to my file. Are you thinking what you are creating? Or are you making it to make it more difficult to debug vue creators?
https://pasteboard.co/geCmKtufSmQI....3
Best mentor: https://devrant.com/rants/5266128/...
