*computer fell, broken in pieces*

Me calling [Microsoft] tech support: hey can you check my warranty on this computer, I think I broke it?

Tech support: yes sir but we must first go through the troubleshooting steps,

Me: no, no I just-

Tech support: have you tried pressing F8 sir?

Me: umm… no, look I'm just -

Tech support: sir please press the F8 key sir

Me: okay… I pressed it, now can you just check my-

Tech support: sir please what happened when you pressed F8?

Me: it's broken, now if you could just check my warranty -

Tech support: sir I'm sorry sir I think you did it wrong. Please press F8

Me: no just check my-

Tech support: sir I think you do not understand, sir it is at the top-

Yup.

!dev (kinda)

Warning: Might contain (be) stupid rambling.

So I got my new toy and want to play around with it. Just in case I have to return it I first want to make a full disk backup, so I try to boot clonezilla. I press the power button and mash F2, F8, F9 - and it boots straight into the windows setup. Nope, not what I wanted. Try again. And again. Eventually I look it up and apparently I have to hammer the ESC key to get where I want to. Alright, now it works. Boot from USB. Failed. Try again. Failed. Check the BIOS, disable secure boot, reboot. I need to type 4 digits to confirm disabling secure boot. Alright. Reboot, try again, failed. Secure boot is on again. Wtf? After some more infuriating tries I see that NumLock is disabled. AAAARGH. BIOS: Enable NumLock on boot, disable secure boot, enable legacy boot. Input the 4 digits - works! Try to boot from USB: Failed! Grab another USB stick, did the clonezilla image, try again: Finally! It! Works!

Format disk, install Qubes OS. Success!