Client: "I did not receive the email that should be send after that event. Please fix."
Me:
* Checks code - ok
* Tests feature in locally - ok
* Tests feature in production - ok
* checks values in database - ok
* 2 hours wasted - ok
"Please help me dear CTO, idk what else I could check or how I should even respond to this."
CTO: "hmm, the clients account uses a adminstrative email address for testing. Let me just check if it is in the mailbox."
*checks* "Yeah, that's the email you're looking for, right?"
Me: *experiences relief, anger, blood lust and disappointment at the same time* "Could you please respond to the client for me, I need a break. Thanks"

!dev
EA can suck my inches. Fucking deprecated and greedy business practices. Now I'm fucking told me to play the game later, because "too many computers have accessed this accounts version of a shitty game that crashed my pc 3 times. Please try again later."

Stupid cunts, have you ever heard of a vpn? Or maybe listened to the people complaining about this issue since 2017. On top of that you apparently rendered geforce now useless with this error.

Good fucking lord, I haven't even mentioned origin, the big pile of shit, yet. The download functionality you praise like God's cum doesn't even hold out half an hour before it freezes, together while the whole UI. You cannot like your games with a steam account, so you'd have to pay for a game you already own.

...And a whole lot of other issues I probably haven't encountered yet.

It's more lucrative to sell this shitty account and then buy the fucking game I want to play on steam. I have a feeling that would be about the best option I have.

I'm tired of this shit, I just wanna play some games with friends. I did not play to be spit on my face by some corporate wankers

Client: Yo, there's like a 30k difference between the invoices in the application and paypal.
CTO: Yeah, that's really sad. Btw, did you know that our payment gateway supports credit cards, which won't be shown in paypal?

I'm writing this in a funny tone, but I was the person who basically implemented every aspect of accounting in that application, so I praying silently 😅

Day 2 of fetching data from external sources: someone entered an entry on 2006.41.12 (YYYY.MM.DD). People will do everything to fuck with API users

When you deny a complex feature request from frontend

Someone put a fucking \b in this dataset I'm working with, which just so happens to be an illegal character for xml.
FUCKING HOW. FUCKING WHY. FUCKING WHERE ARE YOU AND WHY DO YOU WANT TO SEE ME SUFFER THIS MUCH

Someone put a floaty in my inties 😢

Thanks VS code for randomly deciding to fuck up over 1000 lines of saves yet uncommitted code.

I seriously just want to cry

A mouse that randomly decides to do a double click

The company a friend of mine works at ordered some CPUs. This is how they were delivered...

Me:
* I wanna make a website
* I'm good at backend
* I suck at frontend

Friend:
* I wanna make a website
* I suck at backend
* I'm good at frontend

Initial though: Match made in heaven
Now: FFS Wordpress is not the kind of frontend I had in mind.

git commit suicide.txt -m "It was a nice thought before it was put into action"

Fuck you external API that only exists to communicate with us for refusing our connection at 1am

!dev

It's great that people finally start to boycott big tech social media, but I really don't want your brain deprived thought vomit on my mastodon feed.

Guess I'll look into hosting my own instance soonish

"The library you recently wrote appeared on my github feed. I haven't read all of the readme yet, but you already deserve a star for the documentation and the name" - CTO
Today was a good day

I sometimes think back to that asshole on stackoverflow that said "op wants a solution like that" after I, the op, told him I don't like that solution.

* Sets up some software
"Alright, and now to start the database"
* types "sudo systemctl start po-"
* hits tab -> poweroff.target
* Enter
...fuck me

little did I know, the database was already started...

I feel guilty. I commited 1 typo fix in a public library, which triggered 4 pipelines. I literally replaced one character

!dev

First I miss my buss and now I have to wait next to useless bastard that uses a speaker instead of headphones. Do the world a favour and just slip on the ice and break them

3 hours in and I realize, I fucked up. I should have gotten another stand...

Middle monitor is a different model, but I didn't consider that the holes could be on different heights...

It only took me half an hour to automate something that would have taken me 5 minutes!

Amazon be like: "Yo dwag, your monitors just got shipped. ARE YOU INTERESTED IN BUYING SOME MONITORS!?"

I'm still a junior myself, but some fundamentals I've told my coworkers:
* Commit more, regret less
* Yes, you can remove a commit, if something goes wrong.
* No, I'll not explain again how to undo a commit you pushed typo to you feature branch. Feel the shame of pushing "Fix typo" commits
* ask, if you are stuck or unsure.
* don't do deployments at 5pm Friday. 6pm results in less crashes in production for some reason /s
* Don't be like me. Go to sleep at appropriate times

Boss: We need to disable CSRF and any other form of security, because that shitty, insignificant client has a website that is abomination anyone's eyes, can't pay because of the iframe thingy.

Me: I'd advice against it. This is a significant security issue that just screams to be exploited and there has to be a solution, but idk much about this situation.

Boss: Idk we need to kiss every clients ass till they come. Remove all the security

Me: *Just wants to get home, last one in the office besides the boss* fine
*removes it, deploys and gets the fuck home*

...2 weeks later

Payment gateway: Yeah, we blocked your account, because someone was trying to purchase 30k product in a span of 1h

I'm not even mad about that, but rather about the fact I fucking called it.

* Achievement unlocked: Targeted by scammers

P.s. no major damages, cause the guys from the payment gate understand shit about security.

Boss: I fixed some grave spelling errors
The spelling error: Mailboc -> Mailbox

I was typing out a command and instinctively pressed tab to see a file list. The directory contains 15k+ files

What a great day for hardware failure...

Ticket: here's something wrong with the export of transactions, please check.

Very useful description, let me just go over this logic I've written months ago.

Yeah, I went extra sure that everything's right, besides the ones for created during the initial testing that we left. Took me a hell a long time to prove because there's such a vague description but ok.

Of course I have the time to make an eyecandy of an excel spreadsheet for you.

Only for you I'll also go and fix these entries manually. If you want me to do it so badly, I'll gladly do it.

Oh what, you're upset that I wasted 5h for this complete bullshit? Well fucking go and learn the database structure yourself then or get sued idk

Hope it was worth that 1€ difference the customer paid himself.

Not to mention that I also had to do an emergency setup to work from home because those people who are responsible for giving me an appointment for a covid test sure like to wait days after my sick leave is over. ffs, I just had a cold...

Also fuck all this bullshit mac software required to work in this network, half of this shit flat out requires you to use the same software and ofc it's all closed source to the point where I'd be glad to have an electron app for everything.

Coworker: since the last data update this query kinda returns 108k records, so we gotta optimize it.
Me: The api must return a massive json by now.
C: Yeah we gotta overhaul that api.
Me: How big do you think that json response is? I'd say 300Kb
C: I guess 1.2Mb
C: *downloads json response*
Filesize: 298Kb
Me: Hell yeah!
PM: Now start giving estimates this accurate!
Me: 😅😂

Normie colleague at work: I don't know hoe to properly display these tags (for movies, series, etc)
Me: I've seen a site categorise the tags by character, genre and series. maybe that could work.
C: cool, could you show it to me.
Me: *Sweats intensely* I forgot the name
C: oh, ok...

Sorry, but I don't want to expose my favourite hentai site to you

Bruh, imagine paying taxes for a site that literally throws a cryptic error message, instead of telling you "Page not found", because those retards literally redirect to /Account/Login after successfully logging in.

Even better, most people here are don't understand English well enough to understand what is going on.

And I pretty much doubt an admin has been informed...