I didn't even come back home yet and these workoholics already conflicted with my feature branch

I swear, I started yesterday windows once for some guilty gaming. ONCE
Tried to connect Bluetooth headset
-> BSOD on the first try. Fuckn os can't handle shit
Works second time.
*Execute guilty_gaming.exe*
*Finish gaming business*
Want to shut down windows
"oh, I can only shutdown if I install your fucking update? Well fuck me pls no delet pingu partition

Next day. Pingu is alive. Wanna connect headphones.
* Connection: yes
* error.Failed
* Connection: yes
Fuckn ok, does it still work in windows?
Spoiler: fucking no! Very cool. I didn't there would be a better waste of time than gaming, but windows always fund a way to fuck you shit up.

Windows vista was less of a pain, windows 7 a nice memory and this is just an abortion fucking kept alive for the proving god that human can create a better hell for people than lucifer could ever imagine.

Way to go windows, I appreciate MacOS now

This fucking manual with their abstract ssl section is driving me nuts. Why do you need so many keys? Fucking jks!
Fuck your pseudonyms, and why in the name of the holy cunt do you have to cope them with aliases?

Jerry, barry, tango. You all get a fucking certificate!

Jerry is an asshole, barry is a cuntand I don't even know who tango is, but fuck tango in particular!

Way to fucking go, Austria wants to push a law that forces online platforms (if possible around the globe) with more than 100k users to provide an accurate way to identify them.
"Name, surname and adress"

I just listened to an interview with a guy who is for that proposal. He said the platforms can just take the data directly from mobile providers, using the phone number. Also, even buying a prepaid sim-cards will require you to provide an identity card.

Way to fucking go! They say it's rather unlikely that this proposal will get approved by the EU, but given the shit they just pulled on us, I wouldn't be surprised in the slightest id these fuckers just go with it.

Where is our precious privacy going? Some old pedophiles are taking it away from us, into their sex dungeons I suppose...

Unfortunatelly this is a rather new proposal, so I can't find an english article covering this story attack
https://br.de/nachrichten/netzwelt/...

$ sudo groupadd focker

Coworker: You see, once you get older, you learn to not worry yourself with what browser you should use and just use safari

^--- Only 2 years older

Me: ...
Me: Don't try to justify that €12 spend on a json viewer for safari.

Rooting my phone and flashing a new firmware, without ever making backups.

FFS, I'm so fucking done. I spend half an hour helping somebody finding an error on start up only to accidentally solve it by telling him to insert some print statements.

Fire your whole fucking web team Bethesda

* Your design is a classic ipecac. Whatever the fuck you are doing doesn't in frontend doesn't justify the 4Mb of bandwidth I wasted on a single js file. Why the fuck can I see the whole fucking node_modules directory when looking at the sources?
I know this is supposed to be a webpage for a game development studio, but I'm seriously wondering if your budget would even get me a prostitute.
I'm a greedy fuck and want a free game. apparently your servers are only good enough to register me, but login is apparently too much to ask for. Yeah sure. Oh and also thank you for choosing an "incorrect username and password" error message by default, even though your fucking gateway timed out. Please be kind enough and punch me directly into my face next time. Not like I'll ever access that shit ever again

Finally a good usage of all these buzzwords

3 feet away from the bin
* throws plastic bottle *
* hits edge of table *
* barely didn't go in *
Coworker: Thankfully you're not a basket ball player 🤣

😭😭😭

Fuck I'm tired.
I almost casually executed rm - rf * in my $home

Spent the whole day testing the tests.

CI is pretty fun, I get to slack off the whole day, because one test run takes around 10 minutes (without compiling

Me: Hey, can you help me with that?
Coworker: Sure
* Looks at code *
Ah, you just have to...
* Tries to type *
Uhm, do you the vim plugin?
Me: yeah, is that a problem?
Coworker: Weird flex but it's ok
* tries to type solution *
Uhm, do you also use another keyboard layout?
Me: Yes, I use the US layout (instead of the german layout)
Coworker: I'm done with this, you type
Me: 🤣🤣🤣

Payment gateways are a fucking pain in the ass...

According to my colleagues who have to deal with it 🤣.

One is about to break, begging everyone subscribe to his service.

I suck at css. I could have spend so much more time on the backend😭

Trying to post a meme #2
https://devrant.com/rants/1997336/...

Found this while trying to register for namecheap.

Valentines day was fun

This 404 page

https://anilist.co/404

Me: "Ok, downloaded the (windows) iso, now I need to create a bootable usb"
* Pulls out 4Gb usb drive *
Father: "That iso won't fit on that one"
M: "Oh yeah right, do you have one for me"
F: "Sure"
* hands over 64Gb usb drive *
M: "thanks"
* Checks content *
* "Backups 15" directory and other old files *
"Guess I can use that"
* dds iso on usb drive *
dd: "done"
M: * Reboots *
Pc: "Nani the fuck is that supposed to be"
M: * searches online for solutions, tries out 2 different ones, one being provided by microsoft *
P: "lol no"
F: * comes in *
"Is it working?"
M: "Nah, windows a bitch"
F: "ok, can you copy me some files on the usb in the meantime?"
M: "Sure..."
{ How did he know that the drive is currently empty? }
* copies files onto stick *
F: * sees empty usb drive*
"Did you delete the contents on the usb?"
M: "Kinda, that happens when you create a bootable usb drive"
F: "..."
M: "Why do you ask, was the something important on the drive?"
F: "Idk, doesn't matter anyways now, since the contents are gone"

Btw, it still doesn't boot from the usb drive. Windows 10 iso is a bitch.

It would seem like an API I wanna use is blocking my hosters IP range.

GAME ON FUCKERS!

Only got 2h of sleep instead of my usual 5h. I'm a walking corpse and there are still 7h left until I can go home 😴

Stupid, calming water-flow sounds are going to bring me down

The world must truly hate me.

I refactored my code a lot in order to easily integrate different APIs endpoints but then I can't use the one I specifically did this for, because of TLS errors.
My browsers all agree that it's fine, but curl and the 2 http libraries I tested can't fetxh any data.

END ME!

I spend fucking weeks planing how to crawl the reddit api as concurrent as possible, only to realiye that there is a ratelimit of 300 request per 600 seconds

FUCK, SHIT GODVERDOMME, VAFFANCULO, EAT SHIT, PENETRATE ME WITH A SWORDFISH, FMFL

That one fucking time my text editor so damn high, that it choose to encode my file utf-8 BOM.
I was using Notepad++ because I thought it would just provide a good syntax highlighting, without stabbing me in the back

Seemingly nothing wrong with the code, but it took me, a friend and two teacher almost half an hour to figure out why the css simply wasn't work, even though it was clearly used and worker as intended when embeded in the file.

This was some years ago, so please don't judge me for my editor of choice at that time

Other than that, i simply suck at css and gladly use css frameworks 😅

Other people in 2019:
Realtime image classification!

Me in 2019:
22075ms to find all occurrences of a string of the screen

I forgot the fricking ON clause for a important database query. While it didn't crash MY program or greatly effect the performance, I feel sorry for the API that had to deal with the idiotic results of this.

Especially that one request I just spotted, where I just got the answer "the query took too long". That one was like querying the table "females" for males.

Soo fricking sorry 😭😭😭

Do I have to update Google chrome or is this Rest API just bullshit?

"The table names are irrelevant anyways, unless you want named tables"

I can barely believe that this sentence makes sense, if you put it in context, even though I wrote it.