How far off can you implement a feature?

Task: Update add one feature to this endpoint and add test(s) for the new feature

What happened
* Correct endpoint
* Add 2 wrong features
* Remove one important feature
* Do not the requested feature
* Write a test that doesn't actually test the feature for the wrong endpoint

Intern be like: looks fine to me. Pls review and merge

I wrote test #1000 of a project at work today

yay

Apparently I'm not dishonest enough about my mistakes owing up to my mistakes too much when interacting customers. Fuck me for being honest, I guess?

One sentence horror:

"Hey, did you forget to turn off that GPU instance?"

Junior: "I've deleted the unnecessary migration files after a rollback, just like you recommended me, but the DB-table that tracks which migrations where run still shows them after running migrations"
Me: "That shouldn't happen 🤔 How did you delete them?"
J: "I deleted the code in the Up and down scripts"....

Is it so hard to understand that a migration will "run" even if it doesn't do anything?

A colleague came to me ranting about some feature marketing wants.
"Save whether the user accepted, rejected or ignored the TOS." They have to accept the privacy agreement first, so this feature is most likely about annoying users who rejected the TOS. Totally justified. Fuck that marketing team.

Not sure if it should be a joke or a rant, but something rather funny (at least to me) happened today.

TL;DR; Someone's outlook was crippled by 100k+ of warning notifications

So we have developed a server that has an internal database that wraps around an elastic search instance, that is managed by a POS vault/storage solution, that we have to use for legal reasons. The elastic search is "provided" by the software, but we keep this internal database just to be sure and totally not because it's unreliable POS.

Anyways, they take data integrity very seriously, so every warning our server produces is emailed to someone in charge to review it and if necessary forward it to us. This will be important later on.

Couple of days ago we got error forward when trying to write an entry into the POS software we get an error, because an object we tried to write already existed. After some investigation we concluded an entry was missing when the internal database was created, so we asked them to repopulate elastic search to solve this problem.

When start the server we always sync the internal database to the elastic search and emit a warning when an entry is missing in internal database or vice versa. And well... almost all of them were missing, which caused our server to emit ~40 warnings/ms. Poor outlook. Still investigating for the cause, but damn, I never expected I'd take down someone email account by accident

AWS is so secure that even with full access I cannot access the resource I need and the error message is so cryptic every hacker will give up first. Amazing!

THE BULLSHIT!...
THE BULLSHIT IS REAL!

So today at the electronics shop I saw an 500Gb on sale. For some reason it also came with a code for Battlefield 2042. The price label was written in a very confusing way, so I thought it was actually ~22EUR instead of ~118EUR off. It sounded too good to be true, but my train of thought was that it's entirely possible that they are really desperate to get people to play their shitty game.

Unfortunately it was too good to be true and it was actually actually 96EUR. What a scam.

In case you wanna look it up yourself, you can also find it online (For a lot cheaper than in that store). "WD_BLACK 500GB SN750 SE NVMe"

For some reason it's cheaper with the game, I wonder why (But it's still a tad overpriced)

In highschool we went through something like a malware/phishing prevention course.

It was pretty cool tbh, we spend the whole hour in a virtual environment where you'd see common malware and phishing attempts, but the really fun you could also "hack" other students.

Hacking them means you could cause some things to happen on their "PC". One of those was showing in a captcha on their screen and they had to type a the string of your choosing, before they could access the rest of the "virtual computer" again.

You can probably guess where this is going.
I was the first who had the idea to mix big i and small L and tested it on our teacher, who was also part of this environment and screenshared to the projector.

Thanks to sitting next projection I could see the pixels and I can confirm: same character, Pixel perfect!

I will forever cherish the memory of my the teacher begging me to undo the "hack" and the chaos that followed amongst my peers 😈

Also one of the excersizes was stupid. Click on a phishing mail and enter your credentials in the form. I asked the teacher WTF kind of credentials they even want me to enter to microsooft.cum and they just said "the credentials obviously" so I think they got their karma🖕

FML, I based my parts of my small framework on a wrong assumption and now I have to rethink about 30% of it

"UnABlE tO sAve THe AlArm. THeRE iZ alrEaDy an aLArM fOr ThIS roOm at ThE spECifIED TIme"

Stupid problems require stupid solutions. Fuck this idea

Professor: Envision a person as an object, what methods would it have?
Student: Run
Prof: Yes, good example.
Other student: Jump
Prof: yes, people also do that
Me: Die
Prof: Well yes, but I'd prefer we don't take this any further

Screw clients man, request multiple complicated changes to the payment and authorization model for month on end, not enough time to test and no QA team and then act all surprised when we can't consider 20 possible scenarios for every code change. Suck a dick while you're at it, we have other projects and clients that value quality over money milking customers with bullshit.

I confess, I did a trolling today.

Kinda deployed staging in production today. Nothing happened, but the fact that it stayed there for an hour.

Why so long? Because gitlab would ratelimit the CI would and prevent it from executing for an hour straight and AWS was also a jockster by capping the download of the image to <1MB, so we couldn't even retag it

Gitlab ratelimiting the CI from downloading the code. 🤡

Fucking give me an error message instead of telling me {error: "You can find more details on developer.incompetent-shits.com", success: false}

Optimized a query today. Before it timed out after 10 minutes, now it takes 4.3 seconds. Very proud.

"Ok, so if you want this thing to show up here you need to set this property, ok?"

Client: "Ok, but how about I just don't and complain that it doesn't work?"

I even provided a link to the docs with examples and they had the audacity to ask me trice how to do the basic example. Do you not learn how to read/learn in university or what?

Browser are so bloated. Why does it use so much memory?

*Closes 62 tab*

Seriously why?! Damn you modern software engineers for making everything so bloated.

Slept about 13h and still could have slept more, but now I'm too awake for that

On top of being ignoring the Linux community and the audio problem caused by their sheer incompetence to use WebRTC and Electron in order to support screen sharing, they now just sent me the whole damn thing again over the span of 2 hours.

This is why I won't pay for discord until they get their shit together.

Not to mention the disastrous android app update recently that still has unaddressed that make daily usage a pain...

I haven't felt joy programming for a while now.

My work is just tasks that can be done by a monkey if they understand how the framework works and at home I can't come up with any ideas that are exciting, challenging or useful.

I feel like all my creativeness is leaking dry having to deal with deadlines about implementing this text change with critical^3 priority and other boring shit

Coworker who mostly works from home: "Who took my keyboard?"
Me: "Someone needed it for testing yesterday. It's over there"
Coworker: "Why does it always have to be my stuff when I'm not around"

I have to add an endpoint to integrate an API and I want to vomit when I think about this major security issue they introduce.

What type of prehistoric dumbass thought GET requests with username and password in the query parameters is a good idea to burden your partner with.

Me: *Generates 20 character password with numbers and symbols*
Website: "Please use a stronger password"
Me: "Wot?"

Fuck you off mainland china microdick script kiddies

Curse you users who do that same thing in 2 browser tabs.