10/10 marketing, tbh

Samsung got that one right 😂😂😂

That marketing guy is in big trouble.

I had to go help marketing with a website UI issue today:

Me: What version of IE are you using?
Her: Oh my god! Did you say virgin?
Me: No, "Version".
Her: Hahaha you guys I thought he asked what virgin am I using!
*room erupts into laughter*

WTF is this high school?

Marketing done right

"Jim, can you tell me why my e-mails aren't getting to clients?"

They're being marked as spam...

"oh damn, how can we fix that?"

You can't. You can change the structure of your e-mails to look less spammy, but it's on their end.

"This is a disaster, we can't have our marketing e-mails marked SPAM!!"

Have you tried not spamming people?

"WE'RE NOT SPAMMING PEOPLE, THEY EXPRESSED A LEGITIMATE BUSINESS INTEREST"

No, you bought a mailing list and put together an e-mail campaign.

"But we aren't spamming people!"

IT VS Marketing 100% of the time

I asked marketing how to rank higher on devrant, that's what they came up with:

Boss: I have really bad new
Me: What?
Boss: ....
Boss ... we have to clean your room tomorrow and remove all the Stallman posters, because marketing wants to film shit. But dont worry, we put them right up again when they are done

I really hate it when we have to wear formal dress to office. I feel like a marketing executive. My code stares at me with suspicious looks.

How I feel when I have to do the marketing side of a website.

Every new product these days has the tag line "powered by AI"

FUCK OFF

No it isn't.

A mass of "if" statements isn't AI!

DureX Marketing Team deserves a bow, _/\_

Browsing the internet part 2: USB flash drive in disguise🕵

Debugging while the marketing department promotes the product!

Who Is Who

➡ A Project Manager is the one who thinks 9 women🙍 can deliver a baby in 1 month.👶

➡ An Onsite Coordinator is the one who thinks 1 woman can deliver 9 babies in 1 month.👶

➡ A Developer is the one who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver 1 baby.🙇

➡ A Marketing Manager is the one who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and women are available.👷

➡ A Client is the one who doesn’t know why he wants a baby.👶

➡ A Tester is the one who always tells his wife that this is not the right baby. 🚶

Don't be shy.. Comment which 'who' are you..😂

*Installs Truecaller*
> Someone has viewed your profile
> To see who viewed it, you'll need pro
*Purchases pro*
> Condor has viewed your profile

NO I DIDN'T!!!
Interesting marketing choice though...
*Cancels pro subscription*

Fuck marketing people who don't understand how to get people to buy into a service. At least the first 3 days were free, otherwise I'd even have lost actual money to that shit 😒 money that's much better spent over here!

There is so much wrong with that code...

"I want to do [thing]"
"Do you want a website for that"
"Yeah that'd be great"

My marketing skills are off the charts

Sometimes marketing people are really impressive

"by using this free WiFi you explicitly agree to us contacting you for marketing reasons".
1. That's not what "free" means.
2. Kindly intercourse thyself away from my general direction (go fuck off)

If marketing is trying to code... -_-

I was hired to create a MailChimp clone for internal use. Since then, more than half of the marketing team has been fired because their work is not needed anymore.

"Do you know the HTML? I need an email template"

Nah, the website just fucking magically made itself, it was amazing.

Marketing wants to remove the word "sex" from one of my slide decks.

Fuck people who get outraged for others. They are making a bad situation much worse.

Yes, there are people who get triggered by the slightest thing---but those people are going to be triggered no matter what you do. And it seems to me that I'd not want to have them as customers anyway---massive support cost.

We are in danger of washing everything until it becomes an inoffensive shade of beige.

Why do the 99% have to be bored for the 1%?

It's not like I'm doing a live demo...yet...

So, fuck outrage by proxy. If you are personally outraged then say that. If not, shut the fuck up.

!rant
!!success

Finally, my project is done!

(and apart from UI/UX polish and some rewording by marketing, everything is finished! Wooo!)

Now for the fun part of the project... 😭

Any SEO guy here?

Apparently, part of being a software engineer means knowing how to read minds and do other people's jobs.

While implementing a user story for marketing, we found some associated features that, according to the database, have not been used for years. We tell them this. We do the courtesy of asking, "Hey, is there anything on the site that is utilizing these features? We'd like to clean up the DB."

"We don't know."

Engineering suggests, "Ok, lets turn the feature off, then, and see if anyone complains. It's been years according to the DB."

Marketing gets angry and hostile and says, "That's not the way to do things!"

I don't vocalize, "Well, not knowing how to do your own damned job is not the way to do things."
-
Marketing asks us to integrate a third party feature to the site. We ask, "Ok, what page do you want it on, and what information do you want to collect, and what should it look like?"

"I don't know. You're engineering. You tell us."

We implement it as best we can.

Marketing says, "HEY! This isn't done right! It's missing this and this and this!"

"Did you ask us to implement that? According to the user story, it passes acceptance criteria."

Marketing says, "I thought you would just know that! I didn't know it was a separate thing. Just put it on all the pages, then. You guys really should know the site better."

Engineering gets angry and hostile
-
Marketing says, "We need this removed from the site."

Engineering replies, "We have a GUI for that. Just go to this URL and you can do it yourself."

Marketing replies, "Well, if that's a really complicated thing, can you just run a script against the DB?"

Engineering says, "If we've built a UI for you, we really shouldn't be executing SQL scripts directly against the DB."

Marketing gets angry and hostile.
-
Engineering tries asking nicely.

"Marketing, if you want us to add new stuff to the site, or change stuff, please tell us what it is and where it should go and what the customer experience should be like."

Marketing replies, "We don't know the site that well. We are leaning on you to tell us."

I do not vocalize, all while trying to keep my eyes from bulging out of my head, my face red with rage, "YOU ARE IN CHARGE OF SELLING SHIT ON A WEBSITE THAT YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT. YOU ARE ASKING FOR CHANGES TO SOMETHING YOU DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE?"

Engineering is angry and hostile.

So, as the lead UX/UI designer, I was working with the marketing officer on the new e-mail template of the company. It took us at least one week to get a good settle – 'cause, you know, she's so skilled on that – doing back and forth and arguing on every detail.

Then she sent me a PPT file with the content and wording for each kind of e-mail.
After 3 days of work, I finished implementing the template and pushed the project in production.

~3 months later
MO: How's your work going on the template?
Me: Erm, sorry? You mean, the e-mails?
MO: Yes! Can you show me the result?
Me: Well, the result is online for...like...3 months?
*Surprised* MO: Hum, yeah? But I didn't validate it!
*Wince* Me: Well, yes, you did, we worked together on it and we finally found a nice settle.
MO: Yes, but the content? Can you send me one of each kind so I can double-check?
Me: ...
*to the rescue* CEO (and husband of MO): It's OK, I've already validate them.
MO: Oh, ok. But I want to double-check. I'll do it later, ok.

~3 weeks later
MO: Can you tell me how I can receive the registration e-mail?
Me: ...
*to the rescue, joking* CTO: Well, did you try to turn your computer off and on again?
MO: Oh, you really think this will work? Let me save my work first!
Me: *BOOOOM*

TL;DR: The marketing officer of my company does nothing productive and is making the company losing a lot of money, but she also make me lose my time for bullshits.
At least I can laugh about it on devRant.

Apples marketing logic I just saw on a Facebook post...

Booking a hotel on booking.com

**only 3 rooms avaliable at this discounted price BOOK NOW**
**12 rooms booked just in the last 24 hours BOOK NOW**

*** HTML AND CSS FLASHING WEBSITE PANIC**

I call the hotel directly "sorry sir, we're closed for the season and currently renovating, will not be open till June"

I need a drink.

I'm going to make 4 statements of which only 3 are true. You tell me in the comments which 3 are true.

1. At my job in the marketing department, I manage our Facebook ads campaign where we spend hundreds of thousands of dollars in advertising.

2. MIS department inexplicably blocked the marketing dept from the Facebook domain altogether near the end of the day.

3. They also block Dropbox although we still have to manage all the distribution of digital video and commercials to our tv advertisers.

4. I work in a technically progressive environment that understands how things work online.

Got a marketing email talking about the "No Code" revolution. They're talking to the wrong girl here.

I love how some services have trap pricing, pretty much like drug dealers of the interwebs.

Me: I would like to send e-mail to my clients.

Company: Sure bro, here, take our service, you can send emails to all your clients, just 5€ per month!

A year later

Me: I have now over thousand customers, I would like to send more emails and implement some new features.

Company: Thousand customers you say?

Me: Yeah

Company: All in our servers you say?

Me: Yeah, thanks for the great service!

Company: Sure, no problem. We can enable you additional services for 40 000€ per month, half of your liver and two of your first born babies.

Marketing once asked if we can add functionality to the site that would disable the back and close button on a browser...yeah

Oh my god! That .05% off

I created an Android app for a client. An intern at his company who is responsible for content updates sent me this email:

Hi,

I'm including a photo of an Android displaying the app on screen, in our latest marketing email.

Will the Android's screen in the photo update itself if I update the content of the actual app?

Best,
Intern

*facepalm*

Um.. yea I've published a GDPR contact email on our website, for issues about our privacy policy. Not sure if you Chinese marketing fucks behind the GFW know what this regulation is about though. I'm not interested in your stupid moulds.
Perhaps that firewall of China could use some further tightening... 😒

I received an email from marketing manager requested me to extract all the emails from the all the application and compile it into a CSV and make sure that CSV doesn't have duplicate email's. She wants to send newsletter to all those email's which we don't have permission for.

I permanently deleted that email.

I just hate this shady Apple behavior 😡

They make it look like I’m out of storage, but I still have 20%+ free

If you wanna replace few of the carousel banners in your website, at least fucking send me the image with the same aspect ratio or resolution compared to the old images.
WHY THE FUCK YOU WANNA BLAME THE DEV TEAM WHEN YOUR GRAPHIC TEAM AND YOUR MARKETING TEAM IS SHIT?

Fuck you Adobe.

It doesn’t get said enough.

This time docker got my name right. C'mon Shascha😂😂

Plans for 2019

- make my app good enough for prod usage
- find someone to help me with ui
- find someone to help me with marketing
- register my own company
- end my twenties
- maybe quit my 9/5 job by the end of the year

it's gonna be a fun year :)

!dev && rant

*Checks mailbox*
"To the energy consumer of this residence"
This better be something official, even though electricity is provided by solar panels here, and that as well as water and gas are part of the rent.
*Opens letter*
"AD: GET A CHEAPER ENERGY CONTRACT!!!"
Fuck you. If only you addressed it properly, you would've known that I pay exactly €0 for energy. Try and beat that, will you?!

Anyway, that's one way to avoid liability for sending crap to people who explicitly mention "no unaddressed spam" on their mailbox I guess... Pieces of shit.

It seems every public business wifi in my city requires an email address to login.

Funny thing is they never verify them. I guess they think if you're dumb enough to put in your real email you'll be a sucker for whatever marketing scheme they'll send you.

I do feel bad for frank@hotmail.com though

marketing is borderline scamming change my mind

When amazon coupon gives you 110% discount!

Is it even possible?

So this is a huge fancy screen showing movie times and marketing stuff at my local cinema.

// TODO: get a better camera phone

After working in a different field (marketing) for over 10 years and a 6 month crash course I got a programming job at a kickass development company! Yeah!

CompanyYouNeverHeardOf sends you IrrelevantNewsletter512... so you hunt for the unsubscribe link, which you find buried in the boilerplate crap at the bottom of the mail, rendered in #eee on a #fff background, in 4-point type, and click that. End up on a web site that asks you like 8 times if you're sure you want to leave and please, reconsider, we're nice folk really, blah blah blah. And then you get *another* email from them saying they received your unsubscribe request, and *then* yet another to confirm that yes, you unsubscribed, and please feel free to re-sub anytime (as if!)

GOD I HATE MARKETEERS!!!1one

Client: it's very important that we go live with the app's sign up process.

Me: ...but the mobile apps aren't complete yet.

Client: Yes, but marketing says we need to start getting downloads and sign-ups so we get better ratings than our competitors.

Me: ...but the user won't be able to do anything.

Client: We'll add the rest later when we have users!

In support of the #deleteFacebook movement, I have been assigned a task to completely erase our company presence on Facebook. Our FB page has at least 100k followers, on Instagram we have even more. So right now I am thinking, I won't tell my boss that Instagram is actually controlled by Facebook. The guy doesn't even have a Facebook account so I am confident in my plan.

"Wanted: Dangerous PHP Developer"

I edit on live during peak hours with no backups using basic Notepad over an unencrypted network. That dangerous enough?

That moment when your marketing manager makes technology decisions for your project and says "let's just use WordPress" ...

A while back our whole team was really frustrated with the marketing department.

In retaliation we made a new branch for our project called marketing-bs, which was used for all of marketing feature requests.

It's the little wins that keep us going.

What's the most bullshit marketing term you've heard being used? Something that sounds flashy for a non tech client, but makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.

I just heard "harnessing hyperconnectivity". The fucks that?

someone did xss on one of my websites.

i didnt bother to secure anything on the website because i was marketing to dumb kids.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

YouTube, why the fuck do you put ads at the end of the video? Who's gonna watch those?! I'm not a marketer but I do know that people watch ads in expectation of something better. Who.. who the fuck thought this would be a good idea?! Fire that certified piece of shit marketing cunt already! What the fuck is even wrong with you nowadays Google?! Pinnacle of tech company my ass.

*looks for some reviews of a dentist*
Yelp: ah yes we have that.
*Enters Yelp site*
"Oh noes, you have JavaScript disabled! You should enable it because it can make websites really cool (why does this seem like a front-end wank), gives you compliments when you had a bad day (fuck you Yelp), can save the world from tragedy on its own (does savetheworld.js exist yet?). But that you'll never realize anymore. Because YOU disabled JavaScript, filthy piece of shit you are. So enable JavaScript so that we can have so much more fun!"

Ah, not providing any content that I visited your shitty site for, guilt-tripping me into enabling JavaScript for your dribble, and on top of that saying that we'll have fun when I whitelist you. Fun ey.. you know what'd be fun Yelp? For me to go there and shove my dick into every one of your front-end and marketing cunts' faces until they turn blue. Now THAT would be a lot of fun!!!

My fellow coworker dev just sent a staging site link to our CFO to review some new functionality...

CFO clicks on our corporate HQ link in coworker's email signature instead and berates coworker for sending him the wrong link...

This person is somewhat largely in charge of making decisions that affect our digital marketing, website budgets, and strategy.

I can't make this shit up.

!rant
finally i finished a project and released my first game in google play!
very satisfaction, much wow.
now creating a list of features i will add in future updates, working on a marketing campaign and building concepts for future projects.

Apple's marketing department are just dictionary junkies.

Have you guys read some of the latest Apple quotes for their products? You know, the ones where you visit the page and there's some large bold text summarising the product? Here's a few:

HomePod: "The new sound of home."
If you talk over my Spotify music YOU WILL BECOME THE NEW SOUND OF MY SHED.

iPhone X: "Say hello to the future."
E.Musk put a Tesla in space. Also the future can crash with a single character.

MacOS: "Your Mac. Elevated."
If you fly away I WILL use you as birthday balloon.

iPad Pro: "Anything you can do, you can do better."
SOONER OR LATER *Comment what you would put here*

But I mean hey. It sells right.
Reading it back maybe I'm just blind hating.

Marketing : Do you think we can implement this feature in a system?

Dev : Hmm....*checking specs*...This will...

Marketing : *interrupts* we have already signed a contract with a client.

Dev : ugh......

I laughed so hard when I saw this post,i don't know how knowing the Microsoft suite is going to help you become anyone famous worldwide and oh.steve jobs main role was not programming but mostly marketing.

Me: "ok for the following changes you must pay the following charge because it's not in the scope"
Customer: "bUt tHiS Is Not whAt I wanT, wOnT pAY thE ResT iF yoU arE nOt DoiN It blablabla"
Marketing: "please do it for him"
Fuck me.

Qualifications and experience require to start a WordPress consultancy/brand agency:
• Be a marketing/people person.
• No technical requirements required.

Hate seeing others get clients and delivering half-assed solutions and deploying outdated and even insecure versions of everything.

Microsoft logo in an official Microsoft email.

The joy of being a junior programmer in a marketing company...

Lately it's been 25% programming, 5% fixing other people computer, 70% doing stuff not related to my job

Non-coder, atechnical friend comes up with an app idea after seeing some existing app. Calls me, I tell them there are already a few other apps doing the same thing on the market.

Their answer: "Yeah, but just think about it. If we made this app, just imagine the possibilities that could branch out from that!"

Yeah, sure, like I'm going to do all the actual work while you speak marketese.

How many times have I ask my boss about the new project's deadline only to get "it has to be done by yesterday". Damn, boss, if you know, that we are occupied, then don't get a new project, only to blame the coder for promising an impossible deadline to the client!

Never write your email adress on a building. And it you do, don't use web.de (basically German and more shitty version of yahoo). Spoted in a fancy business district in central Berlin.

//rant
When you make a mobile game and hope it gets downloads but you suck at marketing.. fml

iOS or Android? My head hurts 🙃

I switched ISP package to a "business grade connection" (not just a marketing meme, actually meant for businesses), which is easily three times the default and yet still my fucking internet goes down every third day.

How the fuck can you go beyond unlimited plan nonetheless going above it!!

Meeting host: "So now that I've finished rambling on does anyone have any questions?"

Me: "Why are we not marketing the time dilation machine you appear to have developed and deploy during the course of this meeting?"

Co-workers laugh.

So glad that it turned out our microphone was muted...

I don’t get marketing directors. They basically get paid a ton of money to pay an agency to do their job.

I mean... my mum could pick up the phone to an agency and say “make me a campaign for this”.

What’s worse is when said marketing director comes over to the tech people and starts asking questions, and you KNOW he’s only asking them because someone at the agency he’s hired has asked him the same question.

And then sometimes I find myself feeling sorry for them. Imagine being a marketing person... imagine being a useless cunt and knowing everyone knows it..,

When I visit sales or marketing...

Marketing for Developers done RIGHT!

<!-- Hey Payoneer Its better to hire me... im better in posting ads on fb and more better in writing codes -->

I hate it when marketing people decide they're technical - quote from a conference talk I regrettably sat through:

"The fourth industrial revolution is here, and you need to make sure you invest in every aspect of it - otherwise you'll be left in the dust by companies that are adopting big data, blockchain, quantum computing, nanotech, 3D printing and the internet of things."

Dahhhhhhhhhh

What do you need a boss if you can find the idea, analyze it, design the product, code it, test it, setup the cloud and even do the marketing.

Dear bosses,

I am a developer not a God!

I've been offered some freelance work.
The marketing guy in me says I can do it in 1 month. The technical guy in me knows I'm bullshitting.

Ticket from legal department: implement GDPR recommendation, log customer consent, separate checkboxes to opt-in to T&C and newsletter

Ticket from marketing department: small print T&C on sign-up, remove "conversion killer" checkbox

This is why we need a product owner

If I uncheck your, by default checked, checkbox to recieve your marketing bullshit emails on your website.

Don't fucking send me an additional email asking me to subscribe.

Fucking cunts!

When company preaches for a great product, but keeps staffing up the marketing department.

Just saw this on FB..

Well I don't do much Webdev but that won't work for sure.

The first closing bracket ends the function Block -.-
Nice try Marketing team

Ok... So iPhone X cames with 3gb ram and 2.7 mAh battery....
Fuck the new Xiami that costs 1/4 comes with 4gb ram and a 4mAh battery...

Let's continue with another rant about my previous company.
You know what's not okay? Hiring a Polish company to handle your CRM. The Polish company promised our development team their CRM platform would have all of the features and APIs we need before switching over. We were skeptical, but Management decides to go ahead and sign the contract anyway because their friend works for this Polish company.

Two months later, the Polish company claims to have never agreed on having the features we needed available, API or otherwise. They also have no idea what an SPA is, most of their features are built-in iframes littered with XSS vulnerabilities, and outgoing B2B/B2C emails are not customizable beyond what their templating system gave us (colors and system fonts). I should also mention they refuse to let us meet with any members of their development team. The managements' friend? He's just a salesman.

We have had multiple meetings with their representatives, over voice calls and video conferencing, who just happened to be sales people. In the last case, every time we asked a question, this poor girl had to run back to her higher ups to get an answer as she didn't know what we were talking about.

Let's not forget about the language barrier. I don't speak Polish, management doesn't speak Polish. Nobody in my previous company spoke Polish. Why was this a good idea again?

I had another correspondence with the Polish company through E-mail. We had wanted to implement a third-party tracking code in our newsletter sign up (which is handled by the Polish CRM company). I asked a representative through E-mail if this was possible. In broken English, I received confirmation it was possible. Great, I asked how? In broken English, I received an explanation which I had already tried and did not work. I replied saying so. Third e-mail I receive mostly in Polish saying, "Why would you want to use your anybody else's tracking code but ours?"
Maybe because the features you promised previously were never delivered and now we need to accommodate? But also because we have our own list of affiliates and sponsors.

Six months later, the third-party tracking code still isn't implemented.

Also, I did report those XSS vulnerabilities on their platform and lack of error handling in their JS library. These have still not been fixed.

FUCK ADVERTISEMENTS!
NOT JUST ONLINE(there I can use an adblocker), IRL TOO!

GET YOUR SHIT OUT OF MY FACE!
LISTEN TO ME YOU LITTLE MARKETING COCKSUCKERS, IF ANYTHING YOUR ANNOYING BULLSHIT AD MAKES ME AVOID YOUR BURNING PILE OF CRAP YOU PROUDLY CALL "PRODUCT" MORE!
PRO TIP: ANNOYING PEOPLE BY PUSHING AN ADVERTISEMENT IN THEIR FACE IS NOT THE WAY TO MAKE THEM LIKE YOUR COMPANY/PRODUCT!

IF YOU WANT TO CONVINCE ME, DON'T MAKE AN ANNOYING IN YOUR FACE AD(like a fullscreen ad, popup, or giant billboard on a building or beside the road) FULL OF STUPID SHIT YOU DARE TO CALL "MARKETING MATERIAL". Instead how about an unobtrusive ad that shows convincing FACTS(or tech specs) and ARGUMENTS. BUT YOU CAN'T AND WON'T DO THAT BECAUSE YOUR PRODUCT IS A PIECE OF MOIST HORSE SHIT!

I HOPE YOU GO TO HELL, WHERE EVERY SINGLE DAY OF ETERNITY YOU'LL SPEND BEING EXPOSED TO YOUR OWN SHIT MARKETING WHILE BEING FUCKED IN THE ASS BY SATAN WITH A CACTUS!

Some IT person is walking to the marketing department coffee machine because one on IT is broken.

While waiting for his coffee he yells:
I want a enormous rack!

All the women instantly hide, and one guy say. “You cannot say that here!”

IT guy looks surprised and wondering what he said wrong....

Sorry !dev-related, But:
In our grocery store there‘s a 0.5L coke for 0.99 under that there‘s a 1L for 0.98 and around the corner there’s a 1.5L coke for 0.99
WTF?

Translation:
"Artificial intelligence for homework?
I want to program a artificial intelligence that can do my homework. I can sell it then. As language I would like to use either batch or HTML. Does anyone know good tutorials?"

This is hilarious!

u must have 8 monitors if u want to do marketing, its the only way to become a PhD marketer

That feeling when someone in marketing insists that an unauthenticated user seeing a login form when trying to access a secure view is "too confusing".

Worst marketing team of the century goes to...

Here is a brief list:
- Idiots from marketing
- idiots from sales
- the lawnmower man (while doing his job)
- sun
- AC off && summer
- no ventilation / fresh air
- civil defense siren tests (we're just next to one...)
- idiots talking to me while I'm on my headphone
- music stops
- phone rings
- light theme
- devRant
- MySql Workbench
- etc

Got a couple marketing emails from a Wordpress hosting site today that I visited yesterday.

I never signed up for the site, and I never hit submit on anything, nor did I agree to the terms and conditions or privacy policy.

However I did type my email address in the registration form while on the phone with our "web developer".

I went back and sure enough, they POST the email immediately after field exit so they can start the marketing spam before signup.

And, of course, no unsubscribe.

Those. Mother. Fuckers.

Marketing sends an average of 3 newsletter per week all year round, and 4-5 per week on Christmas.
Mailchimp makes this so damn easy for them...

We have ~500.000 subscribed customers.

They discovered the new chrome push notifications API and I 'refused' to build anything for it because I already find the amount of email they send unacceptable and I am pretty sure they would abuse of it.
I'm already imagining like 10 push messages a day...

Am I wrong? What would you do?

An online shop ... something like Amazon Shopping for South East Asia keeps on sending me their newsletter even though I have already unsubscribed. I wish they'd hire me to take care of their email service.
Although I doubt this is a bug and perhaps one of a schemes of the marketing department and they are already aware of this. Sneaky corporate bastards.

!question to freelancers:
So do all of you have own built websites (of you) to show your skills, self-marketing and so on?

TL;DR Developers don't like it when marketing attempts to do their job. They like it even less when they have to clean up the mess when they fuck things up.

Our marketing team was specifically told not to put JS into the CMS. They were told that if you need JS for something, we will do it and then work it into a release. That wasn't good enough so they hired a design firm to "hack" the JS inline. They found a back door to get the JS in place but couldn't get it to work right. They called me to come look at it. After 5 minutes of explaining why they shouldn't have done what they did, I grudgingly decided to look at the JS. 30 seconds later I fixed what they had been screwing with for about 8 hours. They were using --> arrows in their comments! Seriously?!? designer != developer

Hey this is Jenny from XYZ Company

I don't FUCKing care where you're FUCKing from.. If I never signed up for your "marketing" mails.

Why do these marketing ppl think they know development more than the devs and keep telling us how to do our job :@ and actually they don't even know what they are talking about..

I wish that I never had to work with such ppl

>be web designer at last company
>be put into marketing Dept
>do everything from design to dev, working closely with engineers in IT Dept
>whyamihere.png
>leave to join new tech startup
>get job title "Web Developer"
>startup forms a new marketing Dept
>be put into it

How do I promote my open source projects?

I mean, @ai (Andrey Sitnik) have published nanoid and received about 600 github stars in just one first day. I have recently published Tears, webserver for SPA, and received only 7 stars, all of them from my friends.

I've tried posting on hackernews (3 upvotes), github tags, several gitter chats, with absolutely no impact.

So how do I promote my projects?

12 years in the industry. For significant part of that time, I've juggled leadership roles, project management, customer facing role, testing, hardware debugging, marketing .......
Oh, I also code.
My designation is still a software engineer.

I'm really loving Facebook's new design standards they fit so well their latest marketing and rebranding pipe dream to be viewed as a company that respects privacy.

They don't have to protect your info if you can't submit it 😂

The most common line nowadays,"Dude,I have a million dollar idea,You do the code and I will do the marketing. "

Quick question: Does your mom understand what you do at work?

Mine still thinks I'm doing some Marketing-Shit whereas I tried to explain multiple times to her what IT and eCommerce is...

I a couple of dev related service/company names I thought of today:

- sudo therapy - get to the root of your problems
- vim Vehicles IMproved - a car tuning shop
- PHP Pretty Horrible Products (a subdivision of HP)
- 200-OK - Ultra low temperature cooling solutions
- Lost+Found of district 404 of a city
- GNU - Generally Not Underwhelming - onest marketing company
- GNOME, Tree - a garden shop

dont you love when you go to a site
DIRECTLY - to that site
and the first thing youre greeted with is an ad or email sign up - FOR THAT SITE?

what kind of fuking UI is that? what kind of marketing is that?

i just went to YOUR site. don't throw fuking ads and nonsense at me in some pop-up form where i can't interact with your page without clicking the "X" to close it.

Company has poor branding / little to no targeted marketing efforts

Builds marketing Dept

Team starts the process of rebranding

Complete website overhaul suggested and approved with a launchdate of January 1st 2019

Be me. The only web developer. Building essentially 3 complete sites in 3 ~ 4 months but the design hasn't been started nor content created. And you know the represented departments will want to nit pick at the design for like 2 weeks. I'm gonna have a stressful rest of the year.

Went into an ikea store. For a photobox. Also got one of their remote controlled light bulbs which can change light temperature I didn't know I needed before.
2€ photobox, 30€ for the bulb and its remote.

Well done ikea.

I think I did the stupidest mistake I could possibly do as a developer. Do I still have a chance?

For this question you'll need a bit of background info:

I'm a 17-year old student, developing mostly apps in my freetime. I code since 2011 so I hope to be able to say that I'm at least a bit experienced. I have once shown an app public earlier this year with mediocre interest. I spent the second half of 2017 developing another app as part of an extracurricular activity of my school. On 8th december I presented this new app public under the schools name. As I recall the interest was pretty high, especially when compared to the app in the first half of the year. As the event went on several people that watched my presentation approached me and asked where they could get the app. I said that it was still in development and that they could expect it to come out in early 2018 and I gave them my Twitter. I was super excited and that's where I think I did the worst mistake I could do.
A representative of a company approached me. They were interested in the App because it addresses a topic which is part of what they do. They asked how much I currently make with this app. I responded with "nothing" as it wasn't out yet. They wanted to know how to contact me and I didn't have a sheet of paper and a pen with me (mistake 1). I don't know why I did this, but told them to contact me through reaching out to my school (mistake 2) and said they would find a mail address on my schools homepage (mistake 3) without telling them what my schools name was (mistake 4). They still said that they were about to reach out and look forward to work together with me. They sounded really confident. We didn't have much time to talk but it still would have been enough to get a pan and some paper... 🤦

But I feel pretty stupid now.
I suppose they remembered at least my schools name as my project did stand out (I hope this doesn't sound too arrogant. An app was way over the top for an event like this) and my schools name was all over the place. But I still don't know if they'll ever contact me. At least I learnt from it. I now take a pen and paper with me all the time and I learnt to pitch my current app whenever I'm questioned about it.
I'd like to hear your opinion on that as I never was in a situation like that. Do I still have a chance that they'll contact me? Is it likely?

Thank you in advance. Have mercy if this text isn't error-free as english isn't my native language and I'm sleepy right now. I just wanted to drop this burden for once. 😅

The world is ending

Facebook and Youtube's new feature... You cannot skip the video ads :)

Super duper Marketing guy gets hired to boosts Eshop sales. Sends a huge wall of text about moving the site to the X VPS hosting plan, put SSL to the site etc..
Me: We are already on that hosting plan. We have SSL and everything else you mention. Are you sure you checked the right Eshop before you made that Grand Plan of boosting sales? 🤣🤣🤣

If you need 10TB of User data to make a marketing strategy, you might be in the wrong business. When I was young we used our imagination to make good marketing ;-P

When the marketing exec rings to tell you that they are making a new site for the company...in Wix and that they need to use flash for the "animations".

Because Vogue magazine is where I get all my computer recommendations!

Just because my title has "Web" in it, doesn't mean I signed up to solve all your marketing analytics issues - there's a whole department for that stuff! 😡

Bought a GoDaddy.com domain for the website for our startup as a joint decision by the CEO, marketing guy and me(the Dev), cuz it basically fulfilled our needs. Got some criticism from peers and mentors for not choosing AWS. Guess who's not shitting their pants now.

What is the 1% can't complete this game with some adverts??? Seriously? Bad marketing IMO

How to make those marketing staff of x service stop sending you an email when they don't have unsubscribe link:

1. Reply back asking about the free tier/plan
2. Profit!

2 days and no word from them after spamming me daily about the service

*not the actual client's name

At one of my previous gigs, the IT director was just some guy that dated the bosses daughter. When she inherited the company he went from entry level data analyst to his new director position. IF he decided to show up to work at all it would be at just in time for lunch, and then he'd head out shortly after.
This guy would ask for an estimate on development and then start the timer when marketing started working on the project. This would often lead to us estimating something like 4 months on a project, and then waiting on marketing for 3 of those months, leaving us with 30 days left.

So I work for a store that sells audio and video equipment. My boss asked me to find old stock that is in our system but not on our site.

We have an event at one of our stores in a week. I made a simple quiz - where people can fill out there email and win... something.

So going through the old stock we found something random, and my boss had the "great" idea to use that as the price for the quiz.

Guess what it is...

nah you won't

ITS A FUCKING TEAPOT.... I AM NOT KIDDING YOU - our audio video store is giving away a teapot as a price!?!?

Don't you just love it when you're in the middle of an agreed content freeze and a marketing drone demands an immediate content deployment to production because they made a blog post and it's "super urgent" that it goes live right now.

My marketing department everyday while we try to keep the titanic floating

If there is anything I learned from Robert Martins in The Clean Architecture book is that: Marketing geniuses are fucking useless

No man's sky: I can imagine the devs fighting management and marketing letting them know that what they were selling was bullshit and they be like 0 fucks given.

I published an app on Google Play on Sunday and since then I received a number of emails from 6 unique companies that want me to promote the app using their services (excluding reminders they send for me to get back to them). I understand that some people make a living out of this marketing but stop flooding my inbox with this crap!

When a marketing / sales person says in a meeting with executives that our current infrastructure can handle 300.000 new customers easily. (We're at 90 ATM).

Mfw I'm the techie in the room and aware of our non-scaling mysql DB.

Apparently making stuff harder to mod is a selling point now

Marketing meeting. They don't care about programmers and they don't want you to talk but they would assume you have said yes to everything they asked for

believe me,
when your companies non-technical HOD(marketing), start a discussion with you on topics like Elon Musk and other hot topics in the technical world.
It feels good
2 hours no code just discussion on fav topics.

I am pretty sure that my mom's anti aging creme has bubble sort as its algorithm hahaha 😂😂😂

Sitting super hot and extremely loud marketing girls next to your entire developer staff is a good way to decrease productivity. not to mention how extremely annoying they can be at times. ugh!!

How can an online marketing company work without any web developer? How can they look at their costumers' face and pretend to represent their communication using basic mailchimp and DESIGNING HTML WITH MS OFFICE? Can someone explain me why should anyone think a NEWSLETTER MADE OF FUCKING TABLES works just fine? Why spend money on inadequate software and shitty plans instead of using it for hire a good developer? They don't even understand the fucking mailchimp anyways, why pay for something you don't know how to use and then BLAME OTHERS WHEN STARTS RAINING SHIT BECAUSE OF YOUR DECISIONS?? I got nothing against salesman, and I believe ignorance is not a sin, but when those two elements merge, a fucking stupid raises in glory and I get to work three or four times more than if they just used common sense for once.

Who the fuck in Apple's marketing team decided that WWDC should be held at the exact same time as E3? Like how am I mean't to be distracted by the cool stuff at E3 at work while also being distracted by the stuff being released by Apple?

My best dev experience this year was the success of my company intern app at work, where I am employeed since last December beside my studies.
The company founder, the CEO, the head of department and the marketing department all like my app and in January it will be deployed to all company phones 😀
Whish me luck that there won't be any serious bugs 😅

I don't understand why they're still calling it SSL. It was buried long ago by TLS.

Fuck this marketing bullshit, just fucking call it TLS already.

Working hard to meet crazy deadline to finish last update before new product announcement to make it look better. Our CEO blabs about new top secret product at some conference throwing away all marketing efforts up to date and putting marketing team into panic mode. Result? They moved the announcement date without discussing it with development. Result? Our efforts and overtimes wasted and we are announcing product before it is ready. End result? I'm pissed so I wrote angry e-mail to our CEO. Wondering what will happen now :-) But with unfinished announced product and crazy deadlines they need me a lot more than I need them.

The marketing department must be run by wild butthurt fucking monkeys... Bloody idiots do you even know the word " controll"?! It's a simple fucking thing instead of wasting fucking 2,5hrs of my time which could been put on.. oh I donno more productive work?!?

(ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻

Fuck sake.. 2 numbers... 2 numbers on almost every fucking article was wrong and you couldn't even check these in the fucking program BEFORE asking me to fix the images for these and upload? No I had to upload everything only to later noticed that you cunts gave the wrong numbers .... Butthurt wienerschnitzel 🖕

What are your New Year's resolutions?
Or should we say were.

Started learning to code while in high school. Gave up considering it as a job, but kept it as a hobby until I could no longer bare working in the marketing industry. After a really, really bad period in my life, I started to learn to code again and finally got a job.

Why do marketers always tarnish the name of new concepts by turning them into buzzwords?

For example, "Cloud" is one of the most misused and overused words on the internet. If something has anything to do with the internet, it's likely to be plastered with the word "Cloud".

It's like "App" all over again. Anything remotely related to technology is called an "App" by it's marketing team and layman users.

! Rant
I recently learned about rubber duck debugging hence wanted to buy one.
So went on to Amazon.in to find some.
And surprise surprise guess whom did I find in my instagram feed?
Marketing has turned into stalking these days eh?

On a digital marketing course.
Teacher:
"Web pages are made of structured content and style, that's HTML and CSS. There are also many programming languages, like JavaScript or Python, but we are not discussing those here because it's computer freaks stuff. Now let's talk about cookies..."
Me: Should I kill myself now or wait until that man stops saying shit an die killing him too...?

Asshole marketing director again.

We’ve just finished a bit of work with some marketing agency. They ran some ad campaigns for us, no biggie.

Anyway marketing director emails them, copies me in and asks them if the have any “tips on our approach to development”

AAAARGGGHHHH!!!!!?

WHAT THE FUCK?!

The things that happen when you don’t have a fucking meat cleaver in your hand. I swear this guy is the fucking King of Cunts. I could kill. I think the jail time might even be worth it!!

I can never forgive Apple for the iPhone X. Not because it's a bad phone or that it is overpriced. But because they missed the perfect opportunity to make the back logo the fingerprint scanner.

I mean seriously, just think about the marketing potential. They finally had an excuse to cut that hole in the back of the cover.

Tomorrow, my team will receive TV reporters for an economy magazine.
We'll have to fake a meeting and the Marketing Officer insisted that everyone has to be present.
I wanted to do teleworking on that day because of the huge strike of the public transports.
Guess who will wake up at 5:45 tomorrow morning?

We have this marketing class that none of us gives a rat's ass about and it's not related to software engineering in any way, and our professor knew that.

So to make things easier for him and for us, he made the rule that if we do at least 30% right on the test, we'll pass.

If we got a question right, we get 1 point, if we got it wrong 0 points, and if we left it unanswered, a quarter of a point.

That meant that if we didn't do anything on the test, we get 25 % anyway, so we almost pass by doing nothing.

Fucking genius.

I only answered 5-6 questions that I knew were right and left the rest unanswered and passed

IT jobs explained with a broken light bulb 😂

CMS admin does not mean that I also manually like to add content for marketing 🌍

You may not like GDPR but it will change one important thing - american companies will stop email spam. Srsly, in Europe you always had to check box that you want marketing spam. USA companies always worked in opt-out mode, which is soooo annoying

Did the latest Windows 10 update fix it so that all your startup apps open before you login?

If so, why don't they mention that in the marketing literature? That's far more impactful to most people than some tab feature in their web browser that only old people use.

WHY FOR FUCKINGS SAKE DO I HAVE TO ACCEPT YOU SENDING ME BULLSHIT MARKETING MATERIAL WHEN I JUST WANT TO DOWNLOAD THAT SHIT EBOOK????

I see what you did here ngnix...

I try to remember that I'm going to die some day and all I've done until will be meaningless and remain forgotten. And what a great way to die if I die in the middle of some bullshit apache setup, launching a dockerized flask or creating my own stupid marketing app...

Wtf this has to do with school IIT- IIM Alumni

For higher grade software development it should be mandatory to understand the big picture of problems...

If you are working for a online shop, you might want to ask marketing, what they want to sell, before they do it

You might want to ask billing, what customers buy, before you spend time on unnecessary features

You want to ask billing and legals, how they do fraud detection and you want to get the it security fellows on board too.

If marketing and billing knows, that maintenance needs time and money, they can calculate with that. If security knows, that some fails will be catched, no matter if you fix it in software or not they can adapt their priorities.

You might want to know something about process optimisation... Factories of car parts have spent years on such problems - learn from them.

Their claim is "Innovation and Digital Marketing". They develop software, websites and apps...

I've just clicked on the slider's CTA for Services... and I've got a PDF!!!

I see a lot of great desk setups but none like all the marketing stock photography I keep seeing that tells me I’m a loser if I don’t have an all glass office and all the most expensive stuff.

I have "we do not outsource any development" very clearly written multiple times on my LinkedIn profile and yet I still get 10-11 messages a day asking me to hire their sketchy Ukrainian
/indian software devshop, moreover to handle my fucking PHP MySQL needs (I very specifically write multiple times on LinkedIn and elsewhere that we do not use those tools). I've just stopped accepting requests from India and Eastern Europe, and if their headline mentions recruitment, anything "specialist", or blockchain that's an automatic ignore.

The funniest part is that they all say the same "we specialize in your needs" are you fucking kidding? If you read any part of my company profile or my profile you'd know that your specialty is anything BUT our needs fuck right off

Edit: I'm going to also specify that I'm a broke college student with a tiny software startup, so not only can I not afford their devshop but also why would I outsource the only thing we do?

Marketing tech of over 25 years in this company asks this at least 2 - 3 times a year, "to find the percentage, take the small number and divide by the big number right?"

NO. NO. NO. NOOO! NOOOOOO! God dammit. You're a grown man.

This became such a common saying, marketing made us shirts

Hey DevRant, I'd like you to meet "Marketing Brandon", his favorite daily activities include:

- asking me when that landing page is going to be ready

- asking how to support a customer on live chat even though he chose to assign the ticket to himself in the first place

- explaining how important social media is

- telling me he's working as fast as he can on some website copy I need and then sitting and composing tweets for 40 minutes

- asking if I can "just real quickly when I get the chance" implement a huge new feature for our users

- announcing to the entire office that he "has to leave early today" because the pet store closes at 5 and his ferret ran out of food yesterday

-.-

Does your office have a Marketing Brandon or similar?

8 beds total, 5 bookings made, 5 still left...

I think I need to go back to class 1 and study matha again... This time, properly!

The marketing team at my work could be turned into an anime.

My last job I worked with one other dev, she always thought her code was PERFECT and the way she did things PERFECT, she enjoyed pointing out flaws in my code or web sites in our big marketing meeting with out executives. Yeah won't miss her one bit

Trying to explain to people why 6GB of RAM on a phone is overkill.

Seriously, you do know your phone can only do one thing at a time right?

And Android still shuts down the app after certain amount of time even if there is enough RAM.

How our MIS/IT department handles problems...

Once upon a time a long time ago, a C level suit opened ransomware from an email with a link in it via Dropbox.

Two years in, even the marketing department, who are all using iMacs for digital media creation, inbound marketing, and website development, and alsohave more common sense than the lowly Excel minions, are still blocked from using Dropbox.

Thank god for Socks5 Proxying and an SSH tunnel to our web server. ;) I can has all the things.

Marketing material for a RasPi-based device that, supposedly, secures all your traffic from hackers by (translated) "encrypting traffic to your router" and "sharding and dispersing your data, so nobody can read it".

Stay tuned to see what it actually does (waiting for an email reply from it's creator)

I finally get the go ahead to push an update to a client site into production. Client then sends out marketing email about changes later that afternoon. The next day the client decides they are not ready to start fulfilling orders from one of the new products I added. Now I have to rush a change to remove the product links from the site.

So I have a job interview on Monday for a marketing firm that works on a LAMP stack. Not a problem, since that's what I learned on and I love linux, but I haven't seriously touched PHP for years. So now I'm going back to do a refresher on OOP PHP and I'm like, "what the hell is a variable variable?"

Wish me luck..

marquetting department: i need a new for on the website its urgent drop everithing else
dev: sure can you give me the text and the fields that should be on the form?
....1 week later
dev: do you havr the info
marketing: can you have ot online today
dev: yes just get me that content
1week later
.... you know where im going with this