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Client: “I should be rich by now. Please fix.”
Me: “... Did you do any ... marketing?”
Client: “I don’t have money for marketing. That’s what the website is for.”7
"Jim, can you tell me why my e-mails aren't getting to clients?"
They're being marked as spam...
"oh damn, how can we fix that?"
You can't. You can change the structure of your e-mails to look less spammy, but it's on their end.
"This is a disaster, we can't have our marketing e-mails marked SPAM!!"
Have you tried not spamming people?
"WE'RE NOT SPAMMING PEOPLE, THEY EXPRESSED A LEGITIMATE BUSINESS INTEREST"
No, you bought a mailing list and put together an e-mail campaign.
"But we aren't spamming people!"
IT VS Marketing 100% of the time14
I really hate it when we have to wear formal dress to office. I feel like a marketing executive. My code stares at me with suspicious looks.11
Every new product these days has the tag line "powered by AI"
No it isn't.
A mass of "if" statements isn't AI!17
Who Is Who
➡ A Project Manager is the one who thinks 9 women🙍 can deliver a baby in 1 month.👶
➡ An Onsite Coordinator is the one who thinks 1 woman can deliver 9 babies in 1 month.👶
➡ A Developer is the one who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver 1 baby.🙇
➡ A Marketing Manager is the one who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and women are available.👷
➡ A Client is the one who doesn’t know why he wants a baby.👶
➡ A Tester is the one who always tells his wife that this is not the right baby. 🚶
Don't be shy.. Comment which 'who' are you..😂17
Marketing: it's not working...
Me: *fixes bug and pushes changes in less than 5 mins*
Me: Well it's working for me
Marketing: strange... it wasn't working 5 minutes ago...
I love their faces of confusion haha11
**Colleagues Speaking about some political issues**
Me: Why what happened in that council?
Colleagues: Are you living under a rock or what?
Me: No, I have been living inside a shell. Why?
Colleagues: Stared for 5 seconds and continued with their topic.
I so badly want some programmers in my office ☹️6
> *WordPress website gets down Error 500: Cannot establish Connection with database*
> Marketing loses their shit: "We need the website up and working right now"
> *Me being calm *: "Nope, we cannot it's the service provider error, there's nothing we can do"
> *MK.G*: "Alright then, switch to another ISP ASAP"
> *Me, Internal rage, a volcano erupts *: "Umm..so you want to spend more money on another hosting because this one has an outage of 48 hours?"
>*MK.G *: "Yes, because we cannot run Facebook ads, just because website is down"
>*Internal lmao*: "Alright, but by the time you purchase a new service provider and host, the website will be up and running plus since the database is down we cannot migrate"
>*MK.G*: "I don't care, just make it up and working"
>*Me chilling*: "Alright, give me few hours"
> after a few hours the website is working *me being badass even though I didn't do anything*13
Straight from a marketing analyst (we didn't have a PM) I once had the displeasure of working with:
The guy didn't believe me when I told him it was impossible (barring exploits that would break the browser's sandbox), unethical, and probably illegal. I had to escalate all the way to the CEO to get him to drop it.6
I’m a graphs designer, hardware expert, free software generator, marketing evangelist, networking wizard, and troubleshooter bot11
Marketing wants to remove the word "sex" from one of my slide decks.
Fuck people who get outraged for others. They are making a bad situation much worse.
Yes, there are people who get triggered by the slightest thing---but those people are going to be triggered no matter what you do. And it seems to me that I'd not want to have them as customers anyway---massive support cost.
We are in danger of washing everything until it becomes an inoffensive shade of beige.
Why do the 99% have to be bored for the 1%?
It's not like I'm doing a live demo...yet...
So, fuck outrage by proxy. If you are personally outraged then say that. If not, shut the fuck up.17
"Do you know the HTML? I need an email template"
Nah, the website just fucking magically made itself, it was amazing.2
So, as the lead UX/UI designer, I was working with the marketing officer on the new e-mail template of the company. It took us at least one week to get a good settle – 'cause, you know, she's so skilled on that – doing back and forth and arguing on every detail.
Then she sent me a PPT file with the content and wording for each kind of e-mail.
After 3 days of work, I finished implementing the template and pushed the project in production.
~3 months later
MO: How's your work going on the template?
Me: Erm, sorry? You mean, the e-mails?
MO: Yes! Can you show me the result?
Me: Well, the result is online for...like...3 months?
*Surprised* MO: Hum, yeah? But I didn't validate it!
*Wince* Me: Well, yes, you did, we worked together on it and we finally found a nice settle.
MO: Yes, but the content? Can you send me one of each kind so I can double-check?
*to the rescue* CEO (and husband of MO): It's OK, I've already validate them.
MO: Oh, ok. But I want to double-check. I'll do it later, ok.
~3 weeks later
MO: Can you tell me how I can receive the registration e-mail?
*to the rescue, joking* CTO: Well, did you try to turn your computer off and on again?
MO: Oh, you really think this will work? Let me save my work first!
TL;DR: The marketing officer of my company does nothing productive and is making the company losing a lot of money, but she also make me lose my time for bullshits.
At least I can laugh about it on devRant.2
Apparently, part of being a software engineer means knowing how to read minds and do other people's jobs.
While implementing a user story for marketing, we found some associated features that, according to the database, have not been used for years. We tell them this. We do the courtesy of asking, "Hey, is there anything on the site that is utilizing these features? We'd like to clean up the DB."
"We don't know."
Engineering suggests, "Ok, lets turn the feature off, then, and see if anyone complains. It's been years according to the DB."
Marketing gets angry and hostile and says, "That's not the way to do things!"
I don't vocalize, "Well, not knowing how to do your own damned job is not the way to do things."
Marketing asks us to integrate a third party feature to the site. We ask, "Ok, what page do you want it on, and what information do you want to collect, and what should it look like?"
"I don't know. You're engineering. You tell us."
We implement it as best we can.
Marketing says, "HEY! This isn't done right! It's missing this and this and this!"
"Did you ask us to implement that? According to the user story, it passes acceptance criteria."
Marketing says, "I thought you would just know that! I didn't know it was a separate thing. Just put it on all the pages, then. You guys really should know the site better."
Engineering gets angry and hostile
Marketing says, "We need this removed from the site."
Engineering replies, "We have a GUI for that. Just go to this URL and you can do it yourself."
Marketing replies, "Well, if that's a really complicated thing, can you just run a script against the DB?"
Engineering says, "If we've built a UI for you, we really shouldn't be executing SQL scripts directly against the DB."
Marketing gets angry and hostile.
Engineering tries asking nicely.
"Marketing, if you want us to add new stuff to the site, or change stuff, please tell us what it is and where it should go and what the customer experience should be like."
Marketing replies, "We don't know the site that well. We are leaning on you to tell us."
I do not vocalize, all while trying to keep my eyes from bulging out of my head, my face red with rage, "YOU ARE IN CHARGE OF SELLING SHIT ON A WEBSITE THAT YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT. YOU ARE ASKING FOR CHANGES TO SOMETHING YOU DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE?"
Engineering is angry and hostile.3
Always the same story:
Marketing: hey I'm gonna do a demo to a customer. They were asking for feature XYZ. That's ready on thr staging server right? Do you think I could use the staging server for the demo?
Devs: well feature XYZ is not 100% done. Basically just feature X is done, and it still has a few bugs. The deadline ain't for another month, since we gotta finish ABC first. I guess you could use the staging, but it has a lot of bugs.
Marketing: the staging had so many bugs! Why didn't you tell me?! It was so embarrassing showing it to new customers! Anyway, they loved the new feature. We need it to be ready ASAP.
Devs: What?! That's gonna mess up with our schedule. You know what? Fine, but feature ABC will have to wait another month.
Marketing: Well, it'd be ideal if we could do both...
Devs: Pay for more devs or dor extra hours.
Marketing: Just do XYZ. It's a pity that you'll have to push back ABC but it's fine, XYZ is more important.
(I might ask, if it was so important, why didn't you notice so in the meeting where we had decided that ABC would be prioritized?)
*tons of working hours later*
Devs: There, we finished XYZ.
Marketing: Yay! Wow, this month we'll have two major features done: ABC and XYZ!
Devs: No, ABC is not done yet.
Marketing: What? But the deadline was this week.
Devs: It was, but then you decided to prioritize XYZ and we said we had to push back ABC to get XYZ ready, and you agreed.
Marketing: Did we? Fine. But do it quick.
Marketing and their mood swings.5
Got a marketing email talking about the "No Code" revolution. They're talking to the wrong girl here.16
Booking a hotel on booking.com
**only 3 rooms avaliable at this discounted price BOOK NOW**
**12 rooms booked just in the last 24 hours BOOK NOW**
*** HTML AND CSS FLASHING WEBSITE PANIC**
I call the hotel directly "sorry sir, we're closed for the season and currently renovating, will not be open till June"
I need a drink.4
I love how some services have trap pricing, pretty much like drug dealers of the interwebs.
Me: I would like to send e-mail to my clients.
Company: Sure bro, here, take our service, you can send emails to all your clients, just 5€ per month!
A year later
Me: I have now over thousand customers, I would like to send more emails and implement some new features.
Company: Thousand customers you say?
Company: All in our servers you say?
Me: Yeah, thanks for the great service!
Company: Sure, no problem. We can enable you additional services for 40 000€ per month, half of your liver and two of your first born babies.2
Marketing once asked if we can add functionality to the site that would disable the back and close button on a browser...yeah9
The fact that I publish a contact email address on my GitHub profile for email about my fucking GitHub doesn't justify sending me unsolicited shit!! I get that you want your product out there, I get that you don't want to pay for.. you know, regular fucking advertisements, just like everyone else, because your product is entitled to special treatment, right?!
Let me tell you something, Yaren Sahin. Just like with Clark from InVision and the Chinese motherfuckers with their injection moulds from earlier, this is a clear reminder for me to avoid your unethical business like the plague! Fucking piece of shit!!
(better quality screenshot: https://i.imgur.com/ZL3ebFZ.png)
Which by the way I'm actually legally allowed to upload, because this email was unsolicited. You know, because unlike those marketing people I happen to know the laws a bit.4
I just saw this picture on the product page of a Thunderbolt dock. I'm not sure what this guy is doing, but no programmer of the world would mirror his laptop screen on two full size screens. Just no!11
Ticket: Allow merchants to customize how their Wallet Passes look! It’ll be super easy, just add these nine merchant-modifiable strings (they support vars) and use their contents for text instead of what we use now. Simple!
Reality: There need to be 24 strings, there are some rules I can’t convey to the merchant (because the system literally does not include instructions, only a name and a textbox), the code to generate the wallet pass is inefficient, uncommented, branching spaghetti that I’ll need to rewrite (it seriously generates every possible field, and then only uses the ones it needs), the specs are so much worse, and half the default values they want aren’t even possible. As in, I don’t know if it’s a car loan, let alone the exact make and model of the bloody thing.
And no, sorry, we have no way of knowing what their fucking “vertical” is, either, so we can’t display that. Fucking sales.
WHY MUST EVERYTHING SUCK7
This happens when your feedback is too important.
'I’m sorry I didn’t read your marketing email within 2 minutes of getting it. Please forgive me."2
I just hate this shady Apple behavior 😡
They make it look like I’m out of storage, but I still have 20%+ free7
After working in a different field (marketing) for over 10 years and a 6 month crash course I got a programming job at a kickass development company! Yeah!3
My cousin is mad on his ISP
ISP promise 16 Mbps
he only get 2MBps max when he downloads
hahahaha,know your bits and bytes3
That moment when you tell the head of IT that he 'bought' licenses for a deprecated version of an open source engine for 300K 🤣10
Perhaps that firewall of China could use some further tightening... 😒4
Holy shit. Didn't know I had to vent this out before I had revisited this shit.
Back in May last year, I started working on a dream project (call project X) of mine. Surprisingly it's still a novel idea and shit like this doesn't exist. Made some huge incremental changes. Added all the necessary automation pipeline stuff. Added some sick ass readme with screenshots/badges/glitz/glam.
Worked my ass of for about a month or so until I got distracted by other pending projects in need of clearances. Somewhere partway in that clearance period, I receive a mail from this "GitHub user" asking me why the development of project X had suddenly stopped.
I was a bit taken aback. Firstly because my project had ZERO stars and NO user interaction. Secondly because I hadn't encountered someone with confrontation like this since my middle-school teacher asking me for my homework.
Being the good, responsible child I am, I informed them on my situation and asked them to contribute according to the guidelines and I'd be more than happy to see this becoming a joint effort by the community.
Apparently, they were quite ecstatic to learn that my development was halted. They didn't have plans to contribute. Instead they wanted me to take down the project and stop working on it entirely.
Tough luck fucko.
Their organization had been working on something similar for longer than a couple of years. A similar open-sourced project will *apparently* ruin their market impact and I can *apparently* be sued for it.
I don't know much about open-source "laws" (and I've seen laws fuck people over) but this just seems retarded. At the moment, I'm not quite sure how to continue with the project. I'll still work on it but the fact being that I started receiving threats before stars makes me question the gatekeeping capacity of toxic market conditions (I still don't blame the person entirely. It's just really hard to keep your head above the water)
This is a one off thing but somehow it has definitely hampered my drive to work on the project (combined with the sheer amount of pending project that I've dug my grave with).
On the brighter side I've got 10 anonymous stars with zero promotion. 2 new message threads with productive insights and a person who says "I'm relying on this to work out". So not everything has gone to shit.6
"Wanted: Dangerous PHP Developer"
I edit on live during peak hours with no backups using basic Notepad over an unencrypted network. That dangerous enough?4
That moment when your marketing manager makes technology decisions for your project and says "let's just use WordPress" ...3
!dev && rant
"To the energy consumer of this residence"
This better be something official, even though electricity is provided by solar panels here, and that as well as water and gas are part of the rent.
"AD: GET A CHEAPER ENERGY CONTRACT!!!"
Fuck you. If only you addressed it properly, you would've known that I pay exactly €0 for energy. Try and beat that, will you?!
Anyway, that's one way to avoid liability for sending crap to people who explicitly mention "no unaddressed spam" on their mailbox I guess... Pieces of shit.5
A while back our whole team was really frustrated with the marketing department.
In retaliation we made a new branch for our project called marketing-bs, which was used for all of marketing feature requests.
It's the little wins that keep us going.1
CompanyYouNeverHeardOf sends you IrrelevantNewsletter512... so you hunt for the unsubscribe link, which you find buried in the boilerplate crap at the bottom of the mail, rendered in #eee on a #fff background, in 4-point type, and click that. End up on a web site that asks you like 8 times if you're sure you want to leave and please, reconsider, we're nice folk really, blah blah blah. And then you get *another* email from them saying they received your unsubscribe request, and *then* yet another to confirm that yes, you unsubscribed, and please feel free to re-sub anytime (as if!)
GOD I HATE MARKETEERS!!!1one10
What the F**K? Why Marketing department always think they know better than IT Department? They always tell us "What so difficult to do this thing? You guys must have templates and change a few things!"
Let me give you some insight here, that this guy is the guy who buy website templates from programmers, change things and upload the site to Bluehost or Wordpress, That's all he do.
Our Software Archictect, colleagues and I personally went from "What the f***?" to "Are you f**king Kidding Me? "
Sometimes I just want to tell him this "Hey you mother f**ker, based on your f**king statement , why would you need programmers then? You guys can just buy the templates and change things".....
F**k you Marketing Department!5
What's the most bullshit marketing term you've heard being used? Something that sounds flashy for a non tech client, but makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.
I just heard "harnessing hyperconnectivity". The fucks that?3
Arrrr not you too Firefox 😶 and Mr Robot . ... Wtf is wrong with both parties marketing team. If this is not irony, wtf is.
someone did xss on one of my websites.
i didnt bother to secure anything on the website because i was marketing to dumb kids.
Apple's marketing department are just dictionary junkies.
Have you guys read some of the latest Apple quotes for their products? You know, the ones where you visit the page and there's some large bold text summarising the product? Here's a few:
HomePod: "The new sound of home."
If you talk over my Spotify music YOU WILL BECOME THE NEW SOUND OF MY SHED.
iPhone X: "Say hello to the future."
E.Musk put a Tesla in space. Also the future can crash with a single character.
MacOS: "Your Mac. Elevated."
If you fly away I WILL use you as birthday balloon.
iPad Pro: "Anything you can do, you can do better."
SOONER OR LATER *Comment what you would put here*
But I mean hey. It sells right.
Reading it back maybe I'm just blind hating.12
Me: "ok for the following changes you must pay the following charge because it's not in the scope"
Customer: "bUt tHiS Is Not whAt I wanT, wOnT pAY thE ResT iF yoU arE nOt DoiN It blablabla"
Marketing: "please do it for him"
How many times have I ask my boss about the new project's deadline only to get "it has to be done by yesterday". Damn, boss, if you know, that we are occupied, then don't get a new project, only to blame the coder for promising an impossible deadline to the client!2
Never write your email adress on a building. And it you do, don't use web.de (basically German and more shitty version of yahoo). Spoted in a fancy business district in central Berlin.8
Me: purchases Amazon Fire stick TV
Amazon: thank you for your purchase, we recommend buying a Fire stick TV Lite.
Me: so, you want me to buy the cheaper model of the item I just bought?
Amazon: hell yea, it'll go nicely with your current Fire Stick TV and offer even less functionality,5
I don't know why I'm having this conversation so often lately.
Someone: "Hey, did you know that Microsoft said that Windows 10 would be the last version of Windows?"
Someone: "But isn't that ridiculous? It would get old at some point, right?"
Me: "...have you heard of macOS X? It's also »the last version« of macOS. But it has still undergone a lot of changes."
Someone: "Hm... I haven't thought about that."
Seriously, just because a company says something would be the last version of a product, it doesn't mean they don't update it anymore, they just take that version, make it a brand and use a different number for versioning (macOS Mojave 10.14, Windows 10 1809, ...).
Companies really try confusing their users as much as possible, and it seems to work, because the convo mentioned above is just repeating so often at this point that it just has to be intentional confusion.7
I don’t get marketing directors. They basically get paid a ton of money to pay an agency to do their job.
I mean... my mum could pick up the phone to an agency and say “make me a campaign for this”.
What’s worse is when said marketing director comes over to the tech people and starts asking questions, and you KNOW he’s only asking them because someone at the agency he’s hired has asked him the same question.
And then sometimes I find myself feeling sorry for them. Imagine being a marketing person... imagine being a useless cunt and knowing everyone knows it..,9
YouTube, why the fuck do you put ads at the end of the video? Who's gonna watch those?! I'm not a marketer but I do know that people watch ads in expectation of something better. Who.. who the fuck thought this would be a good idea?! Fire that certified piece of shit marketing cunt already! What the fuck is even wrong with you nowadays Google?! Pinnacle of tech company my ass.4
The joy of being a junior programmer in a marketing company...
Lately it's been 25% programming, 5% fixing other people computer, 70% doing stuff not related to my job2
Marketing: so we want it to behave like this website, so it'll have to have feature A, B, C and D.
Me: okay that might take a day or two.
Marketing: what? can't you just copy-paste the code from that website?9
Disclaimer: Long tale of a tech support job. Also the wk29 story is at the bottom.
One time I was working tech support for a website and email hosting firm that was in town. I was hired and worked as the only tech support person there, so all calls came in through me. This also meant that if I was on a call, and another one came through, they would go straight to voice mail. But I couldn't hang up calls either, so, sometimes someone would take up tons of time and I'd have to help them. I was also the "SEO" and "Social Media Marketing" person, as well; managed peoples' social media campaigns. I have tons of stories from this place but a few in particular stick out to me. No particular order to these, I'm just reminiscing as I write this.
I once had to help a man who couldn't find the start button on his computer. When I eventually guided him to allowing me to remote into his computer via Team Viewer, I found he was using Windows XP. I'm not kidding.
I once had to sit on the phone with a man selling Plexus Easy Weight Loss (snake oil, pyramid scheme, but he was a client) and have him yell at me about not getting him more business, simply because we'd built his website. No, I'D not built his website, but his website was fine and it wasn't our job to get him more business. Oh yeah, this is the same guy who said that he didn't want the social media marketing package because he "had people to hide from." Christ.
We had another client who was a conspiracy theorist and wanted the social media marketing package for his blog, all about United States conspiracies. Real nut case. But the best client I've ever had because sometimes he'd come into the office and take up my time talking at me about how Fukushima was the next 911 and that soon it'll spill into the US water supply and everybody was going to die. Hell, better than being on the phone! Doing his social media was great because he wanted me to post clearly fake news stories to his twitter and facebook for him, and I got to look at and manage all the comments calling him out on his bullshit. It was kinda fun. After all, it wasn't _me_ that believed all this. It felt like I was trolling.
[wk29] I was the social media and support techie, not a salesperson. But sometimes I was put in charge _alone_ in front of clients for status meetings about their social media. This one time we had a client who was a custom fashion-type person. I don't really remember. But I was told directly to make them a _new_ facebook page and post to it every day with their hot new deals and stuff. MONTHS pass since I do that and they come in for a face-to-face meeting. Boss is out doing... boss things and that means I have to sit in with her, and for some fucking reason she brought her boyfriend AND HER DAD. Who were both clearly very very angry with me, the company, and probably life. They didn't ever say anything at first, they didn't greet me, they were both just there like British royal guards. It was weird as fuck. I start showing them the page, the progress on their likes goals, etc etc. Marketing shit. They say, "huh, we didn't see any of these posts at home." Turns out they already had a Facebook page, I was working on a completely seperate one, and then the boyfriend finally chimes in with the biggest fucking scowl, "what are you going to do about this?" He was sort of justified, considering this was a payed and semi-expensive service we offered, but holy shit the amount of fire in all three of them. Anyway, it came down to me figuring out how to merge facebook pages, but they eventually left as clients. Is this my fuck up? Is it my company's? Is it theirs? I don't know but that was probably the most awkward meeting ever. Don't know if it comes across through text but the anxiety was pretty real. Fuck.
tl;dr Tech support jobs are a really fun and exciting entry level position I recommend everybody apply for if they're starting out in the tech world! You'll meet tons of cool people and every day is like a new adventure.2
Ticket from legal department: implement GDPR recommendation, log customer consent, separate checkboxes to opt-in to T&C and newsletter
Ticket from marketing department: small print T&C on sign-up, remove "conversion killer" checkbox
This is why we need a product owner4
*looks for some reviews of a dentist*
Yelp: ah yes we have that.
*Enters Yelp site*
Marketing for Developers done RIGHT!
<!-- Hey Payoneer Its better to hire me... im better in posting ads on fb and more better in writing codes -->6
Just saw this on FB..
Well I don't do much Webdev but that won't work for sure.
The first closing bracket ends the function Block -.-
Nice try Marketing team9
If I uncheck your, by default checked, checkbox to recieve your marketing bullshit emails on your website.
Don't fucking send me an additional email asking me to subscribe.
When you resign and before you leave your coworkers ask you to help them write a job description for your replacement and you be like "MUUUUUUHAHAHAHAHAAAA! Just TRY to find THIS!" #IDoAllTheThings
I've been offered some freelance work.
The marketing guy in me says I can do it in 1 month. The technical guy in me knows I'm bullshitting.2
Ok... So iPhone X cames with 3gb ram and 2.7 mAh battery....
Fuck the new Xiami that costs 1/4 comes with 4gb ram and a 4mAh battery...6
Marketing : Do you think we can implement this feature in a system?
Dev : Hmm....*checking specs*...This will...
Marketing : *interrupts* we have already signed a contract with a client.
Dev : ugh......7
My current company has taught me a remarkable lesson. Just 1-2 really good full stack developers is all it takes to pull in Disney, Berkshire Hathaway and other fortune 500 companies. Cause at the end of the day these companies dont care about how many developers or how proficient the work flow is over here. They care about the history of the company, the mouth thats moving in these lunch meetings and the words being said. The sense of confidence and the nice building they see when they visit. Ive found a deep respect for marketing/sales, the facade that they can put up and the way a company builds off of facade until its no longer a facade. We literally wait until the big job is landed to hire the developers needed to make it happen. Its hilarious.
It’s now day 4 into handing in my notice. Here's a recap of day 1&2. Here's the recap of day 0: https://www.devrant.io/rants/871145
I handed in my notice on Wednesday with a leaving date of 10/27/17:
> format_date('27/10/17', 'short', 'muurcan');
Thursday, I had an appointment outside of the office... I was called by a marketing guy at [popular graph database company] to try and wiggle his way into my org. I forget his name, so we'll call him Derek:
Derek: 'Hi James, it’s marketer at [graph co] here; I know you downloaded our free book two months ago and we reserved the right to call you constantly since. I just wanted to...'
Me: 'Hol up Derek! I don’t want to waste your time, thank you guys for the book.
I’d have happily paid to avoid these phone calls.
I’ve resigned from [company] before getting a chance to introduce [most popular graph database platform on google, for real, go check now].
Again thanks, but I’m no longer a useful lead.'
Life lesson learned: free doesn’t mean free, free books aren’t worth shit. Marketing people are lovely... but have an job to do so they’re also basically all cunts.
If you want to learn graph DB best practices from oreilly, pay the £7 and be done with it.
Don’t download that book! Derek will take your number and use it like you’re a young naive college girl with a golden pička.
Aside: I’ve met a new girl! I’ve rapidly learned Slovenian swear words. She’s a beautiful Slovenian girl and has the mouth of a sailor. Peace out to any of my eastern euro buddies on here. Privyet, serbus, stay frigging awesome.
I'll be following up on the tag 'jct resigns' for anyone interested.4
I don't like marketing people (nothing personal).
Most of those I had to communicate with, do lack anything that would remotely come close to brain activity.
A handful of days before the start of a huge event, for which we made a VR game over 2 months, they have the ovaries to tell us that the spectator TV doesn't fit the event's design and thus the VR game will not be shown at the event.
Thankfully, half a day later, their CEO directly wrote us and told us to ignore them and to proceed with the preparations for the game.1
"Artificial intelligence for homework?
I want to program a artificial intelligence that can do my homework. I can sell it then. As language I would like to use either batch or HTML. Does anyone know good tutorials?"
This is hilarious!5
When scammers want to follow GDPR regulations - the worst SCAM ever 🤦♂️
I have just received a SMS message, informing me that my phone number is in several marketing databases. It also had a link to the website called stop-sms.pl, where you're supposed to be able to unsubscribe from those lists. At this moment I felt a little bit confused - the SMS seemed suspicious, but on the other hand who doesn't want to get rid of all this SMS crap. So I carefully followed the link to see the website with a form to fill with personal data - phone number included 😆 If that is not enough to realize that this is just a lame scam website, just below the input where you enter the phone number there are Terms and Conditions where it directly states that: "By filling the form you agree that your personal data (name, email, phone number) will be used for marketing purposes." - WTF?!
Who the f... gets fooled by such crap?! 😂😂😂3
Sorry !dev-related, But:
In our grocery store there‘s a 0.5L coke for 0.99 under that there‘s a 1L for 0.98 and around the corner there’s a 1.5L coke for 0.99
Marketing sends an average of 3 newsletter per week all year round, and 4-5 per week on Christmas.
Mailchimp makes this so damn easy for them...
We have ~500.000 subscribed customers.
They discovered the new chrome push notifications API and I 'refused' to build anything for it because I already find the amount of email they send unacceptable and I am pretty sure they would abuse of it.
I'm already imagining like 10 push messages a day...
Am I wrong? What would you do?7
I've talked in past rants about how marketing loves showing off features to customers that are still in Beta to give us devs more pressure to finish them earlier, but it really just ends up screwing up our schedule since we have to push back on other features.
We had warned them not to do so for a series of reasons. But this time, this time their bad practices has come back to bite them in their butts.
They've been bragging all over to customers about this API integration we've been developing. They caught a reasonable amount of customers whose main reason for hopping in with us was this API integration. We finished the code on time, and submitted to the API provider for them to revise our "app". It's been a long back-and-forth conversation clarifying purposes and trying to fix tiny details and, of course, the providers' emails take almost a week to come back. We're waayy past the deadline marketing had promised customers, and they know they can't really blame the devs.
Sucks to lose these customers, but it feels so good to show these marketing pricks a lesson.2
Hey this is Jenny from XYZ Company
I don't FUCKing care where you're FUCKing from.. If I never signed up for your "marketing" mails.4
How do I promote my open source projects?
I mean, @ai (Andrey Sitnik) have published nanoid and received about 600 github stars in just one first day. I have recently published Tears, webserver for SPA, and received only 7 stars, all of them from my friends.
I've tried posting on hackernews (3 upvotes), github tags, several gitter chats, with absolutely no impact.
So how do I promote my projects?4
That feeling when someone in marketing insists that an unauthenticated user seeing a login form when trying to access a secure view is "too confusing".9
The most common line nowadays,"Dude,I have a million dollar idea,You do the code and I will do the marketing. "6
!question to freelancers:
So do all of you have own built websites (of you) to show your skills, self-marketing and so on?13
>be web designer at last company
>be put into marketing Dept
>do everything from design to dev, working closely with engineers in IT Dept
>leave to join new tech startup
>get job title "Web Developer"
>startup forms a new marketing Dept
>be put into it3
Quick question: Does your mom understand what you do at work?
Mine still thinks I'm doing some Marketing-Shit whereas I tried to explain multiple times to her what IT and eCommerce is...3
If you need 10TB of User data to make a marketing strategy, you might be in the wrong business. When I was young we used our imagination to make good marketing ;-P2
Went into an ikea store. For a photobox. Also got one of their remote controlled light bulbs which can change light temperature I didn't know I needed before.
2€ photobox, 30€ for the bulb and its remote.
Well done ikea.5
I was asked to come to client with the product owner and the marketing person. They told I just need to answer technical questions. But, in reality both the product owner and the marketing didn't even understand what our product is. I need to explained and carried on all the presentation. And the worst part, while I was struggling explained everything, the marketing and product owner was chatting and browsing random website5
I just saw an ad by a viral marketing agency thisventviral.net that sell a 16GB USB stick with an os image they call Xtra-PC for 29,60.
I immediately noticed that it seemes to be a simple USB boot stick with a Linux distro with a Windows like ui and OpenOffice and other software pre installed.
They guy took out his CD drive bay an claimed that he removed the hard disk. While odd his clames about faster speeds are obviously true because microshaft windows and office are bloated pieces of shit.
So this leaves me in the odd position that a viral marketing scam selling you over priced USB sticks and an image you probably could find for free, also makes people adopt Linux instead of the bloated shit. And that with people that won't notice any of the downsides of using Linux.
Wired position, should I hate them or should I commend them for theire unintended efforts spreading Linux desktops?5
So it's.... Not a switch.
Poor marketing. Just don't call it a switch and it's not a bad handheld!7
Around a year ago I launched my first site in rails.
Even though the site didn't took off, I learned from it, and it was an enjoyable experience.
Well, at least some of it.
As a web developer, I enjoyed doing the web development.
Then came hosting and deployment. Pretty stressful since I'm no sysadmin/devops person, but you could say it's still in the realm of software. So I managed.
But the one part I couldn't stomach is marketing.
Partly because I have zero experience and interest in the subject, and also because I don't to be an annoying marketing whore asking people to check my site.
I have never seen a bigger cesspool than the google results of the query "how to get people to know my site".
I have seen the shadiest shit, I have read of people saying you should befriend subreddits mods/admins and then ask them the favour to let you post your stuff.
I know that contacts are important, but taking advantage to get traffic on your product? No thanks, I'll rather have a dead site.
This was pretty much the experience when googling about marketing, unethical shit everywhere.
In fact, even calling it marketing makes me feel kinda sick, but it's a thing and it's pretty much necessary to get people to know your site.
Anyhow, in a company, everyone does their role, but this is just a one man thing.
So the ideal thing would be if a marketing person (hopefully an ethical one) took care of that. How does one find one though?
I guess you either partner with one or you hire on.
The problem with partnering is that I don't know someone like that. Do people partner up with "strangers" on the internet?
I could hire too, but I'm not as affluent as being able to employ a single person for 50k a year. And I don't know how feasible it is to hire someone when your site has no revenue anyways.
Maybe there's some company that offers such servicwe? I dunno...
What are your thoughts on this?
I'll be thankful of any feedback.4
I kinda hate how even if people submit good and useful code to OSS repositories, you need to act like a salesperson if you want anyone to notice/care about it
Just because my title has "Web" in it, doesn't mean I signed up to solve all your marketing analytics issues - there's a whole department for that stuff! 😡
Have you ever been interrupted because a marketing workmate had a friend on the phone who needed advice on a WordPress hosting, and wanted your advice right now?
Because I have.
When we had a massive server failure and our production environment was down.
Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with people nowadays.6
So I work for a store that sells audio and video equipment. My boss asked me to find old stock that is in our system but not on our site.
We have an event at one of our stores in a week. I made a simple quiz - where people can fill out there email and win... something.
So going through the old stock we found something random, and my boss had the "great" idea to use that as the price for the quiz.
Guess what it is...
nah you won't
ITS A FUCKING TEAPOT.... I AM NOT KIDDING YOU - our audio video store is giving away a teapot as a price!?!?2
Marketing meeting. They don't care about programmers and they don't want you to talk but they would assume you have said yes to everything they asked for6
Super duper Marketing guy gets hired to boosts Eshop sales. Sends a huge wall of text about moving the site to the X VPS hosting plan, put SSL to the site etc..
Me: We are already on that hosting plan. We have SSL and everything else you mention. Are you sure you checked the right Eshop before you made that Grand Plan of boosting sales? 🤣🤣🤣
dont you love when you go to a site
DIRECTLY - to that site
and the first thing youre greeted with is an ad or email sign up - FOR THAT SITE?
what kind of fuking UI is that? what kind of marketing is that?
i just went to YOUR site. don't throw fuking ads and nonsense at me in some pop-up form where i can't interact with your page without clicking the "X" to close it.5
Why do marketers always tarnish the name of new concepts by turning them into buzzwords?
For example, "Cloud" is one of the most misused and overused words on the internet. If something has anything to do with the internet, it's likely to be plastered with the word "Cloud".
It's like "App" all over again. Anything remotely related to technology is called an "App" by it's marketing team and layman users.2
Today, in "Marketing showed a Beta feature to a bunch of cusomters"...:
"I shouldn't have given access to the Beta server to the new user... They're gonna find all of these bugs and they're not gonna be happy..."
You don't say
MarSecOps: "Marketing Security Operations, the idea is that security is not just the realm of website developers or the IT department anymore, but rather the marketing department has an equal if not greater interest in, and even responsibility to security."
WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK? The marketing dimwits responsible for security? Whose IT competence ends at Powerpoint drivel?!
I LOLed so hard that I could have shat a cactus!8
god... why is the stupid "tAbS oR sPaCeS?" still around, it's like some stupid ass HR person got it long ago and it's never gone away. nobody has used tabs to write or format code since like the 1950s when there were mechanical fucking typewriters! and if you use them today in your editor, you're WRONG
I will die on this hill.13
Adding guru or ninja to your LinkedIn job title is just peak middle class university graduate. Typically studied marketing.2
I don't understand why they're still calling it SSL. It was buried long ago by TLS.
Fuck this marketing bullshit, just fucking call it TLS already.1
How can an online marketing company work without any web developer? How can they look at their costumers' face and pretend to represent their communication using basic mailchimp and DESIGNING HTML WITH MS OFFICE? Can someone explain me why should anyone think a NEWSLETTER MADE OF FUCKING TABLES works just fine? Why spend money on inadequate software and shitty plans instead of using it for hire a good developer? They don't even understand the fucking mailchimp anyways, why pay for something you don't know how to use and then BLAME OTHERS WHEN STARTS RAINING SHIT BECAUSE OF YOUR DECISIONS?? I got nothing against salesman, and I believe ignorance is not a sin, but when those two elements merge, a fucking stupid raises in glory and I get to work three or four times more than if they just used common sense for once.2
Drop whatever you're doing
Watch this mongoDB promo video first
I wish they made more real songs like this
(Cheap thrills parody)
the CEO is trying to release a product that has had a total of 1 test user, himself!! 🤦♂️🤦♂️🤦♂️
Any ideas to convince him to do something like a slow launch instead of sinking a bunch of money on marketing!?!?
(I'm pretty sure dilbert or xkcd should have something related...)6
I recently learned about rubber duck debugging hence wanted to buy one.
So went on to Amazon.in to find some.
And surprise surprise guess whom did I find in my instagram feed?
Marketing has turned into stalking these days eh?2
Trying to explain to people why 6GB of RAM on a phone is overkill.
Seriously, you do know your phone can only do one thing at a time right?
And Android still shuts down the app after certain amount of time even if there is enough RAM.16
Every day I get more convinced, that companies are only hiring the mentally disabled to their marketing departments.
Gitlab now spams ads constantly in my Facebook feed, because "I have visited gitlab.com".
If I have visited it, I am clearly already using it, stop annoying me please.5
We have this marketing class that none of us gives a rat's ass about and it's not related to software engineering in any way, and our professor knew that.
So to make things easier for him and for us, he made the rule that if we do at least 30% right on the test, we'll pass.
If we got a question right, we get 1 point, if we got it wrong 0 points, and if we left it unanswered, a quarter of a point.
That meant that if we didn't do anything on the test, we get 25 % anyway, so we almost pass by doing nothing.
I only answered 5-6 questions that I knew were right and left the rest unanswered and passed5
Tomorrow, my team will receive TV reporters for an economy magazine.
We'll have to fake a meeting and the Marketing Officer insisted that everyone has to be present.
I wanted to do teleworking on that day because of the huge strike of the public transports.
Guess who will wake up at 5:45 tomorrow morning?3
The marketing department must be run by wild butthurt fucking monkeys... Bloody idiots do you even know the word " controll"?! It's a simple fucking thing instead of wasting fucking 2,5hrs of my time which could been put on.. oh I donno more productive work?!?
Fuck sake.. 2 numbers... 2 numbers on almost every fucking article was wrong and you couldn't even check these in the fucking program BEFORE asking me to fix the images for these and upload? No I had to upload everything only to later noticed that you cunts gave the wrong numbers .... Butthurt wienerschnitzel 🖕3
just received a marketing email "this is ur last chance to surprise ur girlfriend"...
In reference to:
Ideas are commonplace things. Just as a challenge today, in a two hour span, I came up with exactly 100 commercially viable ideas, some of which haven't even been tried yet by anyone that I know of.
This is me humblebragging, but it highlights an important lesson:
Good ideas are *genuinely* not worth the bytes or ink it takes to write them if you don't have the skill, connections, marketing, or cash to carry them forward.
I guarantee you, if you aggregated the commercially viable ideas of all the people on this platform, the list would number in the hundreds, probably in the thousands. And the list would be different every week.
Good ideas happen frequently enough because good ideas are a subset of the *ocean* of nonviable and stupid ideas that we all stumble on constantly, every day.
Like finding a needle in a stack of hay..or a nugget of golden corn by digging through piles and piles of steaming shit. It's a numbers game.2
8 beds total, 5 bookings made, 5 still left...
I think I need to go back to class 1 and study matha again... This time, properly!
"I am sure you might have heard this many times that 'Linux doesn't need antivirus software,' but this is not the case anymore."
-- MS Defender for Linux, Android and iOS
well that's a load to take in :D
How many of you fine lads have had a Linux virus on your personal devices (NOT servers)? Raise your hands and tell your stories! :D21
On a digital marketing course.
Me: Should I kill myself now or wait until that man stops saying shit an die killing him too...?1
I have "we do not outsource any development" very clearly written multiple times on my LinkedIn profile and yet I still get 10-11 messages a day asking me to hire their sketchy Ukrainian
/indian software devshop, moreover to handle my fucking PHP MySQL needs (I very specifically write multiple times on LinkedIn and elsewhere that we do not use those tools). I've just stopped accepting requests from India and Eastern Europe, and if their headline mentions recruitment, anything "specialist", or blockchain that's an automatic ignore.
The funniest part is that they all say the same "we specialize in your needs" are you fucking kidding? If you read any part of my company profile or my profile you'd know that your specialty is anything BUT our needs fuck right off
Edit: I'm going to also specify that I'm a broke college student with a tiny software startup, so not only can I not afford their devshop but also why would I outsource the only thing we do?1
I can never forgive Apple for the iPhone X. Not because it's a bad phone or that it is overpriced. But because they missed the perfect opportunity to make the back logo the fingerprint scanner.
I mean seriously, just think about the marketing potential. They finally had an excuse to cut that hole in the back of the cover.1
Hey DevRant, I'd like you to meet "Marketing Brandon", his favorite daily activities include:
- asking me when that landing page is going to be ready
- asking how to support a customer on live chat even though he chose to assign the ticket to himself in the first place
- explaining how important social media is
- telling me he's working as fast as he can on some website copy I need and then sitting and composing tweets for 40 minutes
- asking if I can "just real quickly when I get the chance" implement a huge new feature for our users
- announcing to the entire office that he "has to leave early today" because the pet store closes at 5 and his ferret ran out of food yesterday
Does your office have a Marketing Brandon or similar?3
"when you are filtering by [field] actually don't filter and display the stuff in the list, just make it impossible for the user to purchase at checkout."
... Why do we even have filters then? :/
I get some marketing guy believes making the user do the whole process helps sales, but...
1) In reality this just makes users not use your website and go on a competitor's
2) this is doable if you have 2-3 entries, not on 100+ entries, duh!
JSON is crap sold through marketing and doesn't live up to it's proclaimed goals:
When marketing gets overly excited about analytics requirements and you have more code in a page for stats than actual functionality
Their claim is "Innovation and Digital Marketing". They develop software, websites and apps...
I've just clicked on the slider's CTA for Services... and I've got a PDF!!!2
when you build the whole landing page, forms, php mail sender, SMTP, marketing integrations, analytics and all of that from scratch, and 1 hour before it goes live your boss tells you to change some inputs on the form.2
Marketing department sometimes are so Fucking annoying in the context of they " just found out certain technology" and try to enforce us to implement.
For example recently this guys just found out firebase(Firestore thingy ) and keep asking us to implement into the app (E wallet app) which our software architect refuse to use firebase( I agree with him) because in the long run , the project will definitely get surprising prices in the invoice.
Also, our DBA had started to implement Apache Cassandra .....
So dear marketing department, why don't you guys shut up and let us do our job and let our software architect do his job? Fuck off!14
My favorite feature of Kaby Lake is that you need it to watch 4k netflix 😊 not for hardware limitations, but because of marketing 👍4
Any marketing advice? It’s difficult building an Instagram audience.
Any other ways to reach your targets? Are google ads any good?5
So, I just recieved a welcome email from bit.ac, with my email and a random generated password. The fact is that, I have never registered on this website. Did someone just registered with my email? Or maybe it's a new marketing strategy, to collect emails from another databases and send them emails, "reminding" them their email and a random generated password, so that who recieve the email, to be confused and to access the website to see what is all about,resulting that the company gets more traffic & eventually new possible customers?6
How to sell a useless product
Include those words: #blockchain #cloud #AI #chatbot #machine_learning #bullshit ..2
Fucking EA Games and their fucking shit mailing system!!
All the sudden they start spamming me emails about their shit games nobody fucking cares about. I proceed to inspect the footer to find an 'unsubscribe' link and there was none, just a 'manage my preferences' link.
So I went there. After waiting a whole minute for a simple page to load (wtf) there is a checkbox saying 'yes please spam my inbox with EA's latest news about their shit games nobody cares about' and it was UNCHECKED.
So I leave it unchecked and click update (thinking it might actually unsubscribe me from this crap) BUT NO! I receive another email saying 'thank you, you stupid moron you just subscribed to our shit and will now receive even more of our useless email about how different the new NFS is and how rubbish the new Star wars game is...
In the Global Blockchain Congress currently taking place in Kolkata, India, 'IT' officials from PWC India and IBM India start their speaks right after a popular cryptography professor from Belgium and a Blockchain entrepreneur from Brazil.
Every word these 'IT officials' uttered showed how shallow and business minded the IT managers and marketers are.7
Once when the marketing guys validated an offer with a client without taking the technical team estimations..
When someone gave me the work and I find the time is not enough, I said: whoever validated this, he can implement it by himself.
I know some sites are tracking and collecting a lot of data for advertising. But this is fucking insane... 200!!!! for marketing? For real? Holy shit!
Fuck off already...
(A shitty Danish newspaper - can't even remember why I visited it)2
Marketing director changes our corporate presentation and asks for my opinion. I gave him my opinion and then he gets angry and starts talking sh*t. 😐3
Having to request permission from my boss -- the director of marketing -- to install free dev-only tools.
I subscribe to many copywriting newsletters. Here's an article that shows how it's like on "the other side", marketers struggle, too.
How Kevin's Massive Mistake
Completely Changed His Life
Kevin H. made a huge mistake.
The biggest, he would say, if he could tell you himself.
And he knew it immediately.
It was, he said, "instant regret."
Within milliseconds, he was asking himself "What have I done..."
Kevin, see, had just jumped the rail of the single most popular suicide spot in the world, the Golden Gate Bridge.
On average, the site gets another distraught jumper every two weeks. Kevin was one of them.
It wasn't like he hadn't tried to quiet the voices in his head. Therapy, drugs, hospitalization.
Time to die, those voices still said.
And yet, in the minutes his bus dropped him off at the bridge, he hesitated and paced with tears in his eyes.
"I told myself if just one person comes up to me and asks if I'm okay... if one person asks if they can help... I won't do it. I'll stop and tell them my whole story..."
But nobody did, so he jumped.
It was in those next milliseconds, he would later say, he knew it was the biggest mistake of his life.
He didn't want to die.
But now, he was sure, it was too late.
From its highest point, it's a 245-foot plummet into the icy bay waters below.
Out of the 1,700 people that have jumped from the bridge since it first opened in 1937, only 25 have survived.
Kevin, against all odds, would be one of them.
He slammed into the water like hitting concrete. Three of his vertebrae instantly shattered.
When he surfaced, he couldn't hold his own head above water. But, incredibly, a sea lion kept pushing him up.
The Coast Guard soon arrived and pulled him out.
From there, he began a long recovery that required intense surgery, physical therapy, and psychiatric care.
While still under treatment, a priest urged him to give a talk to a bunch of seventh and eighth graders.
Afterward, they sent him a pile of letters, both encouraging and full of their own pained thoughts.
He also met a woman.
Today, Kevin lives in Atlanta and he's been happily married for the last 12 years.
And he tours the country, sharing his story.
So why re-tell it here?
Obviously -- I hope -- you don't get lots of copywriters looking to snuff it after a flopped headline test.
Just the same...
We've talked a lot in this space about the things one needs to get by in this biz.
My friend and colleague Joe, over at the publishing powerhouse Agora Financial, likes to list requirements.
You need intense curiosity...
You need a killer work ethic...
And you must, MUST have... resilience.
Meaning, you must have or find the capacity to bounce back from failure and flops, even huge ones.
Now, again, Kevin's story is an extreme and in this context -- I hope -- a hyperbolic example of somebody giving up. In the worst way possible.
It is also, though, a metaphor.
See, I get a lot of notes from some of you guys... and at conferences, I get to talk to a lot of people...
And I often get the sense, from some folks, that they're feeling a little more overwhelmed than they let on.
Some are just starting out, and they've got a lot on the line. For some, it's everything. And some are desperate to make it work.
Because they have to, because their pride or livelihoods or a family business is at stake, because it's a dream.
And yet, they're overwhelmed by all the tips and secrets... or by piles of confusing research or ideas...
For others, even had some success, but they're burned out, feel antiquated, or feel like "imposters" that know less than they let on, in an industry that's evolving.
To all those folks... and to you... I can only say, I've been there. And frankly, go back there now and again.
Flops happen, failures happen. And you can and will -- even years and decades into doing this -- make the wrong choices, pick the wrong projects, or botch the right ones.
The legendary Gene Schwartz put it this way, according to a quote spotted recently in fellow writer Ben Settle's e-letter...
" A very good copywriter is going to fail. If the guy doesn't fail, he's no good. He's got to fail. It hurts. But it's the only way to get the home runs the next time."
Once more, nobody -- I hope -- is taking the trials of this profession hard enough to make Kevin's choice.
And believe me, I don't mean to make light of the latter. I just want to make sure we hit this anvil with a big hammer. To drive home the point that, whatever your struggle, be it with this biz or something bigger, that you don't want to give up. Press on.
As Churchill put it, "Success, is the ability to go from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm."
Or even more succinctly when he said, "If you're going through hell, keep going."
Because it's worth it.
when youve optimised your front end code to be blazing fast then marketing says put in these 10 blocking scripts plz we need more emails
I will legit punch the next irl person in the face if they I hear the term "growth hacking" from their orifice.
What's your punch worthy bullshit buzzword.8
So i made an account on this education videos android app for checking their ui. Used the name "Han solo" and... they contacted me for buying their courses!
Geek reference vs marketing logics:
Tech people: 1
Marketing dept : 🤦🏻♂️4
So I get this email from google for my development account about these new general data protection regulations and what they're doing with admob and all that good stuff.
I didn't dive too deep and there's nothing crazy in it but it definitely feels like it's spawned on by this "selling you data to advertisers thing."
We live in such a weird society where it's like outrage after outrage. I've never known anybody who has NOT known that their statistics and data was sold to third party for marketing for EVERYTHING they do on the computer or phone. For a DECADE or longer. It always seemed to be such a second hand thought but now out of nowhere everyone has their panties in a wad for something they ALREADY knew.
Are we like that miserable/bored/no hobbies/unsatisfied with our first world life that we have to just flip out about dumb crap all the time?
An ex boss, who is obviously a project / marketing manager, claims he understands code and all, couldn't even edit the text inside a html element. R U SRS?
WWDC or 2hours commercial
None life of code like the google io(first day)
“Developers conferences” are comming less dev and more marketing1
Hey game developers out there, I'm going to publish my own game for the first time on play store. Any idea how do I get users to play my game? What are some cheap and good tricks to advertise?13
"Yeah have you got a plugin that'll get me to the top of page one in Google?"
Yeah mate, that's why marketing exists and SEO.2
If you ever make rating request pop up when user makes something else, I SWEAR TO GEEBUS, I'll make you regret your life choices!5
I have so many Android App ideas but am afraid to develop them from the fear that no one will find them because I don't know anything about app marketing. Anyone been at a similar point and has some tips where to start?3
So I just had to look up, what a "Deeplink" actually is.. Why the fuck do we need a word for this and why is it only used by marketers.5
Getting the word out about your new shiny app:
Posting in relevant communities > Throwing money at Google Ads
Google Ads isn't even using up half of my daily budget lmao2
If you aren't involved in the fucking project and you are pushing other people to manage the project for you then don't fucking come and fucking complain about stuff that you could have foreseen if you were fucking involved in the first place!! fucking marketing people1
I fucking hate when people that give you marks are not qualified enough.
Actually, in school, it's two weeks where we conceptualize projects (we don't code them, just have concepts) and we're noted on them.
But there's a partial jury, that has partial opinions, the different juries doesn't share the same opinion and are biased.
I don't know, it's like if because they are programming teachers or communication teacher, they were able to know what will work in the future and what won't. Even in domain they don't know.
So i got this service i made for fun and learning. Theres many providers in it for money, not me, only a little (lets not lie to ourselves).
Id just like to have a handful of happy clients to make it pay for itself so i dont lose money.
I have no idea how to advertise or gain clients. Those potential clients i cling with are from US and the server is in EU, and i wont convince anyone to buy something i wouldnt buy myself.
I suck at marketing.2
Hi, first post here, I'm wondering, does anyone actually use uml diagrams? I completed a course in first year, apparently "system analysis and design" means draw uml diagrams all class, then draw more later, without ever actually touching a text editor.3
Which is better:
1. Developers who develop software writing documentation for the software they developed
2. Marketing people who market stuff writing documentation for the software the developers developed1
"Who are you?"
(People from the communication and marketing interviewing a techy guy) o_O
What do you think, best or worst?
That feeling you get when you realize an aesthetically beautiful design is going to get replaced by something uglier because of marketing bullshit.2
Our marketing director on conversion rates:
30% of the people that signed on were marketing leads.
Actual conversion rate:
So I am redeveloping a website I made for work when I first started all this a year and a half ago. Part of the project was integrating with a marketing automation suite through an OAuth2 authenticated API - compounded by the fact that no one has heard of the thing, so there aren't plugins (wordpress last time, Drupal this time) or the ones that are there are woefully out of date/have no functionality.
Anyway, I've been dreading doing it. Last time it took me over a week (maybe two), and the solution was a total cludge fest - I had to do a load of stuff manually and it constantly broke anyway.
This time? Took me half a day, maybe less. All the user has to do is click a button and give the webpage permission in the automation suite (as you'd expect) and everything else is automated. It doesn't break, it doesn't fall over and it works very nicely.
It's the first time, apples to apples, I can see how far I have come, and I love it.
Now if only the API itself i am connecting to wasn't shite!2
*accidentally caught up with one of our marketing guys at a customer meeting in a public place *
*selling one of our POS *
*at the end of the presentation *
customer : the price is too high!!
*price was actually too high as of my knowledge about market. i was about leaving *
*our guy appears with a magic wand and makes 3 versions of that POS which I also developed as a part of team and i don't know of*
our guy: come on!! it's just the full enterprise version that i showed u. we have more blah blah versions. u don't need this, this and that. i think this blah version will suit ur needs well nd it costs lesser.
*i was like wat the fu......*😲
Our current agency website has 5 pages and a shitty design available in French and English, so I want to remake it completely, my question is: Does making it a 1 page website could result us to lose clients?6
I learned something new while trouble shooting an email template today.
There was a weird margin at the end of my template and I have no idea where it came from. I inspected elements and found a 1x1 image.
Turns out it's a tracking link being loaded as an image.
Now I get why they call it a tracking pixel. It's literally 1 pixel.9
Mesosphere sold every e-mail who registered with them to Tech Global Leads. Either that or Tech Global Leads stole a list of leaked e-mail addresses. In either case I unregistered/unsubscribed from Mesosphere and still got e-mails to those two specific accounts from Tech Global Leads with Mesosphere consulting soliciting. (So they keep e-mail information, even for accounts that unsubscribe).
TGL doesn't even have a website up. They're either amateurs or scammers. Either way, fuck you and your spam, both TGL and Mesosphere. Go die in a fire.1
CircleCI takes the cake for the most annoying of constant development advertisement campaigns on YouTube, change my mind.
I mean, the product is nice and everything, but what the hell? Why should *I* make sense of your changelog - just go and show what it does in practice! Ugh, why I must teach you marketing, CircleCI, smh...1
Been supporting the marketing department for 9 months. And they didn't make any revenue/traction.
Now I'm missing my pay upgrade because of that :/1
I've had it with startup marketing sites. All those landing pages look exactly the same, they do a poor job in communicating what the product does and why I would want to use it, and their marketing videos have the same irritating, empty, hollow, feel-good tune that makes me wonder if there's a single company that does the marketing for all those startups.2
100th email of the day with the same subject...revised from marketing. Just sort it out and send me the last one
I have published my app, it is stable and functional. Design is simple but not ugly. I do not have much downloads. What can I do to make users to try it?4
Just found Deployd (a backend for applications). First framework whose marketing slogan I actually found to be true: 'deploy in minutes'.
please i need your advice :)
I need to reform a service that offers legal advice and thus serves around 5000 Microsoft Word legal advice documents for the end user and every year there are 200 more documents created and published and changed manually.
So i had this idea to use a CMS, Git and continuous integration for
- automatic spell checking
- automatic assigning the copy text to translation bureaus, and get translations back.
- version control the texts and translations.
- document generation in multiple formats
- checking the text flow in the document (no overflown text)
- Checking for accessibility for the handy caped
- Deploying it on the Website
Do you think this is feasible? Can something that was made for code also be used to handle copy text documents? In my head this would save so much work but i'm no expert in CI/CD.
Thank you for your advice!8
Stupid sales department adding features to the project just to justify numbers of the quotation when the client has no need for it..
Once wrote a whole little marketing game thing as a WordPress page template. It was a long, weird file! Probably should've written a plugin instead..
Hate when people talk about or trying to recruit somebody who knows well PPC and they *don't* mean PowerPC. I almost got convinced that the architecture is rising from the ashes and it's just stupid marketers reusing well known abbreviations.
Our software is super awesome! It can help you with everything!
And it is *literally* endowed with intelligence!!!
In fact, he is able to remind you when a deadline is approaching!
God how much I hate marketers.
Will your CRM also gain consciousness?1
Marketing in other companies: we found a bug, let's make it a feature!
Our marketing: We found a feature, let's report it as a bug!1
FUCK YOU MARKETING
Sys Admin : *turns on cpanel captcha on every fucking page*
Marketing: what the fuck we are not getting any organic leads?
Me (Developer): ¯\_(ತل͜ತ)_/¯
Any tips on how to promote a niche app?
From what I have heard, an effective way is to post it on a subreddit or some specific forum (like this). But since I hate it when other people do that and the chances are high to get banned for that, I am looking for other ways.8
Why do software companies make a huge point on their websites what kind of technologies they use, in addition to drop-naming the various development methodologies they practice? I was under the impression that clients, other than programmers (and perhaps people who manage programmers), won't have the faintest idea about what these words mean and how they relate to the product that needs to be built or the problem that needs solving?
As a second observation, most software company websites seem focused on the client - case studies, services, portfolio, work with us etc. Often however, their blogs are all about development and programming and not targeted at the client. Why? Just to get page views and improve their search ranking?3
"Traditional marketing is often seeing is getting people to do things but I think web marketing is about helping people do things. " - Gerry McGovern2
Have to work over the weekend because the marketing department 4 weeks behind schedule on a task I need in order to finish mine. They just finished today (Friday). My deadline is on Monday. 😭 No sleep for me.
The weekend overtime pays pretty good though 🤔
How to market an app?
So I am working on this very simple app. It has more or less one feature and also a quite limited target group. I make the app mostly for myself because I need this one function that it has but it would be nice to get a few bucks out of it (after I get the bugs out of it). I can't tell you what the app does (I realize I sound one of those "like facebook but..." people) but imagine those really simple apps like the many water level apps you can find in the app store but only musicians will ever need it.
So here is the question: should I limit functions and show adds and sell a pro version or only offer one version and always show adds? It will be a handy tool for those who really use it so maybe someone would consider buying it. On the other hand, the features are way too cheap to spend money on (who would buy a flashlight app?).
Thanks for your help!1
I have an issue that I just can't shake and wondered if anyone had any insight.
I'm currently working for a company that is going through a ruff patch when it comes to google rankings dropping off.
I'm the developer who is rebuilding his sites, I've told him that his site is very flat as in no content and he need to start writing articles within his industry.
No buying strength at all just a catalogue of products categorised.
But the guy doesn't get it and insists in spending money on PPC Google shopping which gets him a 83% bounce rate.
I keep going on and on at him how he is doing to much advertising and not enough content marketing but he just doesn't get it.
What would you do ?.1
scrum my ass! the whole company(especially the marketing) must be aware and agree with this methodology and not only the devs.5
When your marketing department moves so slow you now only have 1 month before Q&A for a massive website release and I’m still only 44% done....
Upon re-launching a website following an extensive, yet quiet testing period, our marketing/online team say to us "I guess we better start testing now"
Fucking shitty agencies promoting their marketing solutions. Oh, you can make a shitty WordPress landing page with SEO plugin and launch some ads, just for 500€? Fuck you, and fuck you for not telling your customers how little support you provide, how shitty devs you employ, and how little work you actually do. And royally fuck you for telling customers how everyone else is too expensive for doing a proper job, only to have them come crying for help after your bullshit gets hacked and all your marketing solutions get flagged for spam.2
Hello all, recently I have been doing alot of front end work in web forms and lead generation. I would love to learn more about marketing and how it can be applied as a dev.
Does anyone recommend any good books atall?
This pandemic at the moment. Maybe it was caused by a marketing mistake. I mean, when I hear Corona, I instantly think of a nice relaxed evening admist friends.
It does not wake the desire to isolate myself.
Here are a few names that would have created the desire to isolate oneself: Asian, Milf, Ebony, Interracial, Teen.3
Just a reminder: it doesn’t matter how it’s advertised. They all have logs.
3 steps to build trust through content marketing
Besides of building brand awareness and generating website traffic, content marketing has the potential to take your business to new heights. There are seven steps in which you can build trust through content marketing:
• Honesty: whether you are writing a blog or writing a Wikipedia page, you must consider honesty in your content. You can hire marketers or https://wikicreatorsinc.com/ to do the job.
• Authenticity: your content must be able to position your business as an expert in the industry.
• Establish authority: re-evaluate your marketing strategy and highlight your brand’s thought leadership to build trust.
Do you think content marketing can build trust?1
Get ready for Xmas, where online store marketing departments come up with the most meaningful slogans in the whole year. NOT!
I dev the mobile platform and happy, and everything, and then, comes the marketing step... and it is sooo expensive in my country... do u guys know a hell of a good video and marketing content generating buddy for a monthly basis ?
Remember, marketing does not want a better product. They just want dumber customers. So no need to push more features.1