Samsung got that one right 😂😂😂

That marketing guy is in big trouble.

I had to go help marketing with a website UI issue today:

Me: What version of IE are you using?
Her: Oh my god! Did you say virgin?
Me: No, "Version".
Her: Hahaha you guys I thought he asked what virgin am I using!
*room erupts into laughter*

WTF is this high school?

Marketing done right

SOCIOLOGY: People are rational
MARKETING: People are stupid
ECONOMICS: People are money
GOOGLE: People are data
HR: People are ressources
EINSTEIN: People are relative
PORN: People suck dicks
RAP: ...yeah..... uh-huh ....... Okay....... Here we go......
THAT GUY WHO'S ALWAYS HIGH: Peeeoooopl? Hohohahaaa
WIKIPEDIA, poshly: People are a plurality of persons considered as a whole, as is the case with...
ALEX DE LARGE: People are fucking assholes, dicks, cunts!...
VEGAN: I'm a vegan
DEVELOPER: People? What's that? A JavaScript framework?

I asked marketing how to rank higher on devrant, that's what they came up with:

I really hate it when we have to wear formal dress to office. I feel like a marketing executive. My code stares at me with suspicious looks.

The marketing department is right next door to my office, and to make room for their new intern, a very high end, large, and noisy printer was 'temporarily' placed in my office. I'm a reasonable person though, and didn't mind this. The salespeople figured out that it makes commercial grade printouts, so for their various presentations and whatnot, they'll print enormous numbers of pages on this thing, and basically use my office as a motherfucking water-cooler. After a few weeks of this, I logged into the printer from my computer, and set it to disallow all connections from MAC addresses other than those in the marketing department, who print far less material on their own, special, dedicated printer. Absolute fucking chaos ensued. Grown men were brought to tears, ultimatums were made, and blood was shed. The hardware guys were down here for over an hour, making up absolute bullshit as to why it wasn't working(which really surprised me).

Long story short, cut off access to printer, sit back and watch the true face of humanity emerge. Seriously, fuck those guys. They have their own goddamn printer.

How I feel when I have to do the marketing side of a website.

TL;DR: Teacher wants to invest in my company 😲

So, just this morning as I headed to class (still in school, 17 years old, from Germany) someone tapped me from behind - a female teacher whom I've only seen a few times (She is a really nice and friendly teacher who teaches economics)
She asked me: Aren't you the young businessman? I've seen your interview, fantastic! (Background info: I recently founded my second firm (Webdevelopment, Design and Marketing) and was quite often in the media (local newspaper, television, radio))
Quite unsure, I responded: "yeah, right".
Promptly she asked: "Is there some way I can invest in your company? Perhaps in stocks?" (Of course we can't offer stocks, we're just a small local company lol)
Me: "There always is a way I guess?" (I was extremely grateful but didn't know how to respond)
Her: "Great! Would you mind sending me an email with your contact info?"

What the fuck just happened. 😂

It's official: I fucking hate marketing and sales guys.
Marketing: "That can't be that difficult, if I could program I would have solved it in a few minutes!"

Every new product these days has the tag line "powered by AI"

FUCK OFF

No it isn't.

A mass of "if" statements isn't AI!

DureX Marketing Team deserves a bow, _/\_

Browsing the internet part 2: USB flash drive in disguise🕵

1 - Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free.

2 - Product is tested. 20 bugs are found.

3- Programmer fixes 10 of the bugs and explains to the testing department that the other 10 aren’t really bugs.

4 - Testing department finds that five of the fixes didn’t work and discovers 15 new bugs.

5 - Due to marketing pressure and an extremely premature product announcement based on overly-optimistic programming schedule, the product is released.

6 - Users find 137 new bugs.

7 - Newly-assembled programming team fixes almost all of the 137 bugs, but introduce 456 new ones.

8 - Entire testing department gets fired.

9 - Company is bought in a hostile takeover by competitor using profits from their latest release, which had 783 bugs.

10 - New CEO is brought in by board of directors. He raises the programming team's salary to redo the program from scratch.

11 - Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free.

12 - fml

Debugging while the marketing department promotes the product!

Who Is Who

➡ A Project Manager is the one who thinks 9 women🙍 can deliver a baby in 1 month.👶

➡ An Onsite Coordinator is the one who thinks 1 woman can deliver 9 babies in 1 month.👶

➡ A Developer is the one who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver 1 baby.🙇

➡ A Marketing Manager is the one who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and women are available.👷

➡ A Client is the one who doesn’t know why he wants a baby.👶

➡ A Tester is the one who always tells his wife that this is not the right baby. 🚶

Don't be shy.. Comment which 'who' are you..😂

There is so much wrong with that code...

"I want to do [thing]"
"Do you want a website for that"
"Yeah that'd be great"

My marketing skills are off the charts

Client: Please remove the address inputs from the inquiry form. Our marketing strategist said that more people will fill out the form if there are less input fields.

Me: But you are required by law to include the address in the generated inquiry PDFs!

Client: Can you remove the fields and still include the address in the PDF somehow?

Me: No. How would the website know the users address without asking for it.

Client: Okay. Wait! Can we change the form to just one large input where the user has to enter everything at once? That is even less inputs so more users would do it, right?

Me:...

Built the website. He took 2 weeks to test. Then asked me for changes. I took two weeks for changes. Someday during the second week I login (wordpress), I see the old version of the site, all my changes are gone.

I ask him,

Him: I had a customer who needed to see my site... So I reverted to the old version. I had a backup.

For fuck sakes! 1st of all, if he is a customer he doesn't need to see your marketing site anymore give him a flyer idiot.

Then, for fuck sakes: Give me a fuckin call so I back up your site. Idiot.

Why you didn't fuckin back up my fuckin version.

I stopped working and passed him to a more patient, more wordpress guy.

Just idiot.

If marketing is trying to code... -_-

Time for a rant!.

Got a client I've just built a website for and they went live 2 weeks ago.

This morning he sends me an email saying that the website is not good enough because it's not making any sales or getting any traffic.

I send an email back asking if he has a marketing / SEO company... The response was I thought you do that as you said the site would be SEO friendly!!!.

I'm a developer! Not a marketer, fuck off.

I was hired to create a MailChimp clone for internal use. Since then, more than half of the marketing team has been fired because their work is not needed anymore.

!rant
!!success

Finally, my project is done!

(and apart from UI/UX polish and some rewording by marketing, everything is finished! Wooo!)

Now for the fun part of the project... 😭

"Do you know the HTML? I need an email template"

Nah, the website just fucking magically made itself, it was amazing.

Any SEO guy here?

So, as the lead UX/UI designer, I was working with the marketing officer on the new e-mail template of the company. It took us at least one week to get a good settle – 'cause, you know, she's so skilled on that – doing back and forth and arguing on every detail.

Then she sent me a PPT file with the content and wording for each kind of e-mail.
After 3 days of work, I finished implementing the template and pushed the project in production.

~3 months later
MO: How's your work going on the template?
Me: Erm, sorry? You mean, the e-mails?
MO: Yes! Can you show me the result?
Me: Well, the result is online for...like...3 months?
*Surprised* MO: Hum, yeah? But I didn't validate it!
*Wince* Me: Well, yes, you did, we worked together on it and we finally found a nice settle.
MO: Yes, but the content? Can you send me one of each kind so I can double-check?
Me: ...
*to the rescue* CEO (and husband of MO): It's OK, I've already validate them.
MO: Oh, ok. But I want to double-check. I'll do it later, ok.

~3 weeks later
MO: Can you tell me how I can receive the registration e-mail?
Me: ...
*to the rescue, joking* CTO: Well, did you try to turn your computer off and on again?
MO: Oh, you really think this will work? Let me save my work first!
Me: *BOOOOM*

TL;DR: The marketing officer of my company does nothing productive and is making the company losing a lot of money, but she also make me lose my time for bullshits.
At least I can laugh about it on devRant.

Apparently, part of being a software engineer means knowing how to read minds and do other people's jobs.

While implementing a user story for marketing, we found some associated features that, according to the database, have not been used for years. We tell them this. We do the courtesy of asking, "Hey, is there anything on the site that is utilizing these features? We'd like to clean up the DB."

"We don't know."

Engineering suggests, "Ok, lets turn the feature off, then, and see if anyone complains. It's been years according to the DB."

Marketing gets angry and hostile and says, "That's not the way to do things!"

I don't vocalize, "Well, not knowing how to do your own damned job is not the way to do things."
-
Marketing asks us to integrate a third party feature to the site. We ask, "Ok, what page do you want it on, and what information do you want to collect, and what should it look like?"

"I don't know. You're engineering. You tell us."

We implement it as best we can.

Marketing says, "HEY! This isn't done right! It's missing this and this and this!"

"Did you ask us to implement that? According to the user story, it passes acceptance criteria."

Marketing says, "I thought you would just know that! I didn't know it was a separate thing. Just put it on all the pages, then. You guys really should know the site better."

Engineering gets angry and hostile
-
Marketing says, "We need this removed from the site."

Engineering replies, "We have a GUI for that. Just go to this URL and you can do it yourself."

Marketing replies, "Well, if that's a really complicated thing, can you just run a script against the DB?"

Engineering says, "If we've built a UI for you, we really shouldn't be executing SQL scripts directly against the DB."

Marketing gets angry and hostile.
-
Engineering tries asking nicely.

"Marketing, if you want us to add new stuff to the site, or change stuff, please tell us what it is and where it should go and what the customer experience should be like."

Marketing replies, "We don't know the site that well. We are leaning on you to tell us."

I do not vocalize, all while trying to keep my eyes from bulging out of my head, my face red with rage, "YOU ARE IN CHARGE OF SELLING SHIT ON A WEBSITE THAT YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT. YOU ARE ASKING FOR CHANGES TO SOMETHING YOU DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE?"

Engineering is angry and hostile.

Apples marketing logic I just saw on a Facebook post...

Booking a hotel on booking.com

**only 3 rooms avaliable at this discounted price BOOK NOW**
**12 rooms booked just in the last 24 hours BOOK NOW**

*** HTML AND CSS FLASHING WEBSITE PANIC**

I call the hotel directly "sorry sir, we're closed for the season and currently renovating, will not be open till June"

I need a drink.

I'm going to make 4 statements of which only 3 are true. You tell me in the comments which 3 are true.

1. At my job in the marketing department, I manage our Facebook ads campaign where we spend hundreds of thousands of dollars in advertising.

2. MIS department inexplicably blocked the marketing dept from the Facebook domain altogether near the end of the day.

3. They also block Dropbox although we still have to manage all the distribution of digital video and commercials to our tv advertisers.

4. I work in a technically progressive environment that understands how things work online.

If your manager asks for a "rough time estimate" for a project, there is a higher than 99% chance that your answer will be written down and be used in presentations of project roadmap to upper management and/or marketing, who will create a hard deadline based on your rough estimate and communicate this to customers/clients, and then blame you for not keeping the deadline when it turns out (as it always does) that the rough estimate was off by several months because feature creep caused by upper management.

Marketing once asked if we can add functionality to the site that would disable the back and close button on a browser...yeah

Oh my god! That .05% off

If you wanna replace few of the carousel banners in your website, at least fucking send me the image with the same aspect ratio or resolution compared to the old images.
WHY THE FUCK YOU WANNA BLAME THE DEV TEAM WHEN YOUR GRAPHIC TEAM AND YOUR MARKETING TEAM IS SHIT?

I created an Android app for a client. An intern at his company who is responsible for content updates sent me this email:

Hi,

I'm including a photo of an Android displaying the app on screen, in our latest marketing email.

Will the Android's screen in the photo update itself if I update the content of the actual app?

Best,
Intern

*facepalm*

I just hate this shady Apple behavior 😡

They make it look like I’m out of storage, but I still have 20%+ free

Fuck you Adobe.

It doesn’t get said enough.

When amazon coupon gives you 110% discount!

Is it even possible?

After working in a different field (marketing) for over 10 years and a 6 month crash course I got a programming job at a kickass development company! Yeah!

This time docker got my name right. C'mon Shascha😂😂

Some absolute cock-monkey fuck-nugget of a marketing director asked me the other week if I could implement a discount voucher system into a new side project / prototype we’re building.

I said ‘yeah sure but it’s a bit of a pain in the ass, i’ll have a look’

He said ‘you just let someone enter a code and that takes £10 off the total order value’

REALLY?!

IS THAT HOW IT WORKS?!!

THANKS FOR EXPLAINING THAT TO ME YOU FUCKING ASS-CUNT. BECAUSE I DIDN’T KNOW HOW A FUCKING DISCOUNT VOUCHER WORKED, YOU ABSOLUTE MOUTH BREATHING WASTE OF FUCKING ORGANS.

I’LL JUST GO TYPE THAT INTO MICROSOFT WORD AND SAVE THE FILE TO THE MAGICAL CLOUD SHALL I?

“dear computer, take a voucher code from a user and take £10 off of there order value”

THERE YOU GO YOU PRICK; JOB DONE. SOFTWARE ENGINEERING IS EASY, EH?!

Wank.

Once a CEO is 24*7 a CEO. For me it's Chief Experiment Officer

And only dreamers can have that title. One who dreams at night and work it out the following day.
Having a startup is much more than just having an idea
It's about revenue,
It's about value,
It's about team,
It's about impact,
It's about growth,
It's about compliance,
It's about being finance, marketing, HR and tech expert at the same time.
It's about respect the supporters,
At the end it's about the money you earn as an individual.
For playing all the above roles, you need to dream real big.

To me startup is about falling in love with your work first.

-
By an Indian CEO

CompanyYouNeverHeardOf sends you IrrelevantNewsletter512... so you hunt for the unsubscribe link, which you find buried in the boilerplate crap at the bottom of the mail, rendered in #eee on a #fff background, in 4-point type, and click that. End up on a web site that asks you like 8 times if you're sure you want to leave and please, reconsider, we're nice folk really, blah blah blah. And then you get *another* email from them saying they received your unsubscribe request, and *then* yet another to confirm that yes, you unsubscribed, and please feel free to re-sub anytime (as if!)

GOD I HATE MARKETEERS!!!1one

Client: it's very important that we go live with the app's sign up process.

Me: ...but the mobile apps aren't complete yet.

Client: Yes, but marketing says we need to start getting downloads and sign-ups so we get better ratings than our competitors.

Me: ...but the user won't be able to do anything.

Client: We'll add the rest later when we have users!

"Wanted: Dangerous PHP Developer"

I edit on live during peak hours with no backups using basic Notepad over an unencrypted network. That dangerous enough?

Fuck you Apple. I forgot the headphone dongle for my iPhone at home, so now I can't (1) plug my apple headphones into anything (i.e. my laptop, which is made by the same fucking company) and (2) use any other headphones with my phone. Buying an iPhone was a mistake. Apple has been implementing the shittiest UX recently. Don't even bring up the fucking bezel on the iPhone X or the marketing bullshit that is "retina display". The worst part is the Apple fanboys that act like everything Apple pumps out has been touched by the hand of God—Tim Cook could show up at their house and kill their fucking dog right in front of their eyes and they'd worship Apple for doing it.

I once posted a snarky rant about the inadequacies of our vendor's​ product on their own social media page... It appeared during a live demo about "Managing Reputation on Social Media" with several marketing dept. executives and ruffled some feathers.

Bright side: It had the desired effect and a half-baked product launch that was doomed to fail got delayed almost a month until the issue I griped about was fixed.

In support of the #deleteFacebook movement, I have been assigned a task to completely erase our company presence on Facebook. Our FB page has at least 100k followers, on Instagram we have even more. So right now I am thinking, I won't tell my boss that Instagram is actually controlled by Facebook. The guy doesn't even have a Facebook account so I am confident in my plan.

That moment when your marketing manager makes technology decisions for your project and says "let's just use WordPress" ...

The fact that this week's rant topic exists is the exact reason I never do freelance work. It always ends in horror.

I don't believe good fullstack devs exist. A good junior will assess their talents/passions and specialize to become a senior. They'll keep checking the rest of the market from the corners of their eyes and start moving when necessary. But eventually, focus and specialization is a must.

If that's true for the field of development... why would I invest time in marketing, support, sales, PR, legal?

Maybe you can earn a bit more gross income in freelance work — but I see my employer as a service provider, I "hire" them so I don't have to manage phone calls, lose sleep over court cases, play product owner or worry about getting paid.

someone did xss on one of my websites.

i didnt bother to secure anything on the website because i was marketing to dumb kids.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

A while back our whole team was really frustrated with the marketing department.

In retaliation we made a new branch for our project called marketing-bs, which was used for all of marketing feature requests.

It's the little wins that keep us going.

Remember when a phone was marketed as a phone and not a camera or some personal secretary?

Pepperidge farm remembers...

But seriously can we just get a phone marketed to people as a phone?
Like people in ads for the pixel 2 ask "so it's a phone?" and the s9's whole marketing thing was camera, camera, camera!

Really shits me up the wall when companies do shit like that for tech -,-

My fellow coworker dev just sent a staging site link to our CFO to review some new functionality...

CFO clicks on our corporate HQ link in coworker's email signature instead and berates coworker for sending him the wrong link...

This person is somewhat largely in charge of making decisions that affect our digital marketing, website budgets, and strategy.

I can't make this shit up.

Why is it so damn hard to get publicity for an open-source project? I mean it's almost impossible to get anyone to even notice you. I've been trying to promote my project in every kind of social media imaginable and still I can't reliably get 50-100 unique visitors to my Github repo in a day. I thought writing the code was the difficult part, but clearly the no-budget marketing is what will be my demise.

OMG listening to devRant Podcast with Yevgeniy Brikman and what he just said hit home.

And why my career is shit. Even though I'm a competent programmer.

Not only do you have to write good code.

But people have to know about it as well.

This is where I fail miserably.

Again. Marketing myself. Being a part of the community and getting involved. As well as making a name.

I guess it may be time to shave the beard, get a haircut, a new pair of glasses and head out to some hackathons and meetups.

Honestly, I think working remotely is the most inhibitive thing I've done to my career.

!rant
finally i finished a project and released my first game in google play!
very satisfaction, much wow.
now creating a list of features i will add in future updates, working on a marketing campaign and building concepts for future projects.

Marketing pushed deadline for release one week earlier. That sucks.

What sucks even more is that frontend was not ready, but our frontend guy promised to take a look over the weekend and finish it. Thats cool we might make.

What sucks is that he fixed one small issue on Sunday 9PM and left the whole thing unusable.

So guess who was googling till 4am how to do stuff in bloody javascript?

In the end, I beleive I did a decent job and we ca release some kind of alpha and get rid of my dirty hacks later. That's how you get technical debt.

Now lets see what my boss thinks about it and if we are really going to release it or if I'm going to kill somebody.

//rant
When you make a mobile game and hope it gets downloads but you suck at marketing.. fml

Me: "ok for the following changes you must pay the following charge because it's not in the scope"
Customer: "bUt tHiS Is Not whAt I wanT, wOnT pAY thE ResT iF yoU arE nOt DoiN It blablabla"
Marketing: "please do it for him"
Fuck me.

Apple's marketing department are just dictionary junkies.

Have you guys read some of the latest Apple quotes for their products? You know, the ones where you visit the page and there's some large bold text summarising the product? Here's a few:

HomePod: "The new sound of home."
If you talk over my Spotify music YOU WILL BECOME THE NEW SOUND OF MY SHED.

iPhone X: "Say hello to the future."
E.Musk put a Tesla in space. Also the future can crash with a single character.

MacOS: "Your Mac. Elevated."
If you fly away I WILL use you as birthday balloon.

iPad Pro: "Anything you can do, you can do better."
SOONER OR LATER *Comment what you would put here*

But I mean hey. It sells right.
Reading it back maybe I'm just blind hating.

I laughed so hard when I saw this post,i don't know how knowing the Microsoft suite is going to help you become anyone famous worldwide and oh.steve jobs main role was not programming but mostly marketing.

Non-coder, atechnical friend comes up with an app idea after seeing some existing app. Calls me, I tell them there are already a few other apps doing the same thing on the market.

Their answer: "Yeah, but just think about it. If we made this app, just imagine the possibilities that could branch out from that!"

Yeah, sure, like I'm going to do all the actual work while you speak marketese.

Welp. The startup I'm working for is going under. Ceo gave us zero hints.

I'm the lead dev and been working here for 6 months. Always built features before deadline, zero bugs, and going an extra mile. Can't say the same about the sales and marketing guys.

Kinda scared its gonna look bad. Oh you led a failed startup? Must be your fault.

Guess my side business is becoming full time now. Until new job.

#startup #9/10 #icebergahead

Qualifications and experience require to start a WordPress consultancy/brand agency:
• Be a marketing/people person.
• No technical requirements required.

Hate seeing others get clients and delivering half-assed solutions and deploying outdated and even insecure versions of everything.

Microsoft logo in an official Microsoft email.

The joy of being a junior programmer in a marketing company...

Lately it's been 25% programming, 5% fixing other people computer, 70% doing stuff not related to my job

PM approves all UI and project gets assigned to me. He then makes tons of UI changes that will affect the workflow of the approved UI. To this point, code was clean and well documented. I request a few days to re arrange the code to reflect the new workflow. PM says: I need a minimal product. I don't need it clean. I want speed to ship and start marketing. That's where I stopped caring.. To the next dev, I am terribly sorry..

"Systems open to all, but closed to intruders"

HEY, HP, PACK YOUR WHOLE FAMILY OF TRASH SOFTWARE INTO YOUR TRAILER HOME AND DRIVE IT OFF A CLIFF. WHAT THE __FUCK__ DOES THAT EVEN MEAN YOU LITERAL BLOAT FLIES. HOW ABOUT WE START WITH THE FACT THAT ALL IT TAKES IS ONE DUMB MOTHER FUCKER ANYWHERE IN A COMPANY GIVING AWAY ONE LOGIN IN A SOCIAL ENGINEERING ATTACK TO POP THIS NICE FART FILLED BALLOON YOUR DRUNK SALES AND MARKETING MORON PARADE CAME UP WITH.

STOP FUCKING ADVERTISING ON MR. ROBOT AND LET ME PRETEND IT'S NOT A PRODUCT FOR JUST ONE MOMENT FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU

How many times have I ask my boss about the new project's deadline only to get "it has to be done by yesterday". Damn, boss, if you know, that we are occupied, then don't get a new project, only to blame the coder for promising an impossible deadline to the client!

Hmm best part of being a Dev? I guess it is the fact that you can know how things actually work in inside something instead of looking at it and saying "Its Magic!". It kinda ruins playing some games, since you figure them out pretty quickly.

Other than that, I like the feeling that I know enough about computers and performance and how things work that I can choose the best Desktop/Laptop and stay away from marketing bull. :)

iOS or Android? My head hurts 🙃

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU ???

Galaxy S8 5.8" Quad HD+ Super AMOLED (2960x1440) 
570 ppi

Galaxy S8+ 6.2" Quad HD+ Super AMOLED (2960x1440) 
529 ppi

oh my fucking god, what kind of retard decided this ?

This resolution is waaaaay too much. It impacts performance and battery life a fuck ton and gives you absolutely nothing in return. I would be cordially surprised if there was someone in the world who could see more than 400 ppi. 300 is more than enough for most of the people.
God these fucks are annoying with their retarded marketing. And even more so, the people who buy these phones, because phone manufacturers can and will continue doing so.
Flagship my ass.

I don’t get marketing directors. They basically get paid a ton of money to pay an agency to do their job.

I mean... my mum could pick up the phone to an agency and say “make me a campaign for this”.

What’s worse is when said marketing director comes over to the tech people and starts asking questions, and you KNOW he’s only asking them because someone at the agency he’s hired has asked him the same question.

And then sometimes I find myself feeling sorry for them. Imagine being a marketing person... imagine being a useless cunt and knowing everyone knows it..,

I hate those apps that want you to create an account. What for? Oh right, those 0 features that wouldn't work without it.

But the real reason is that you want my email to spam my inbox. Like, WTF is wrong with you? Tell your marketing 'experts' they can keep their crappy mails. The only reason people open welcome mails is to fucking unsubscribe.

You know this thing called notifications? Asshole.

When I visit sales or marketing...

Never write your email adress on a building. And it you do, don't use web.de (basically German and more shitty version of yahoo). Spoted in a fancy business district in central Berlin.

You spend months coding an app, you refactor and restructure multiple times, you apply all sorts of smart patterns and algorithms you learned over all those years, you go back to the books even, you spend money on a ton of assets, localization, marketing, you spend time contacting hundreds of people that could boost your app in the ocean of apps. And once your app hits the store, people complain that $0.99 is too much.

Meeting host: "So now that I've finished rambling on does anyone have any questions?"

Me: "Why are we not marketing the time dilation machine you appear to have developed and deploy during the course of this meeting?"

Co-workers laugh.

So glad that it turned out our microphone was muted...

IT Definitions of Designations

Project Manager is a Person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in One month.

Developer is a Person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a Baby.

Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.

Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby.

Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.

Resource Optimization Team thinks they don't need a man or woman; they'll produce a child with zero resources.

Documentation Team thinks they don't care whether the child is delivered, they'll just document 9 months.

Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with a delivered baby.

Tester is a person who always tells that this is not the Right baby.

HR Manager is a person who thinks that...a Donkey can deliver a Human Baby - if given 9 Months

When someone mentions a tool I haven't heard of on DevRant I Google it and find the official page, but
what ✋
The 👈
Fuck 👌
Does "Building on the Best of Relational with the Innovations of NoSQL" mean?

Just saw this on FB..

Well I don't do much Webdev but that won't work for sure.

The first closing bracket ends the function Block -.-
Nice try Marketing team

Today the marketing team asked me to put in the hompage of our site a youtube video that would autostart with full audio blastong. I really dont deserve this...

When company preaches for a great product, but keeps staffing up the marketing department.

What do you need a boss if you can find the idea, analyze it, design the product, code it, test it, setup the cloud and even do the marketing.

Dear bosses,

I am a developer not a God!

Marketing for Developers done RIGHT!

<!-- Hey Payoneer Its better to hire me... im better in posting ads on fb and more better in writing codes -->

Client wanted a website to offer rentals for her collection of student rental properties. She was adamant and stipulated that it had to be the Rightmove of student lets. I asked her if she had a £million plus budget for the marketing and then some for the infrastructure and mobile app development. She disapeared. Months later I checked the URL she had purchased and it had been done as a free site on wix.com and was a dreadful piece of shit. You just know instinctively that a client is going to be worthless.

Most pissed off? Must have been the time I created a $10,000 hole in a marketing team's budget after trying to build a Tetris-style Facebook app game (back when FB apps were all the rage). It turned out that Tetris, which was up to that point commonly considered as public domain, had been scooped up by a patent troll who had made a convincing case that he had found and gotten agreement from the originator of the idea (a Russian dude who may or may not have been its original source). I had to scrap the whole project and explain what I did to an old-school manager who didn't even know how to operate a computer. That resulted in my losing credibility as a team member for the next 6 years. I never lived it down. I was pissed mostly at myself for following my assumption and not doing any patent research.

Sorry !dev-related, But:
In our grocery store there‘s a 0.5L coke for 0.99 under that there‘s a 1L for 0.98 and around the corner there’s a 1.5L coke for 0.99
WTF?

Ok... So iPhone X cames with 3gb ram and 2.7 mAh battery....
Fuck the new Xiami that costs 1/4 comes with 4gb ram and a 4mAh battery...

I've been offered some freelance work.
The marketing guy in me says I can do it in 1 month. The technical guy in me knows I'm bullshitting.

Here is a brief list:
- Idiots from marketing
- idiots from sales
- the lawnmower man (while doing his job)
- sun
- AC off && summer
- no ventilation / fresh air
- civil defense siren tests (we're just next to one...)
- idiots talking to me while I'm on my headphone
- music stops
- phone rings
- light theme
- devRant
- MySql Workbench
- etc

That feeling when someone in marketing insists that an unauthenticated user seeing a login form when trying to access a secure view is "too confusing".

SEO analyst (hired by client) sends his inform to client, designer and developer (me) and all it says is: use friendly urls, proper use of h1, h2..., use alt in img tags...

Come on dude! Those are obvious things to any webdev out there who earns his salary. Do YOUR fucking job, do some fucking research and DO NOT dare to tell me page title and meta description are important (Really? No shit genius!) and tell me THE page title and THE fucking meta description... Or...

Fuck off and go find some other victim to trick with your bullshit marketing slang.

FUCK!
After submitting a registration form I noticed the site is served over plain HTTP. Their marketing site is served encrypted, but login and register are not! What the fuck!!!

Fuck everyone who does this stupid fucking shit with disregard to basic security features! Their goddamn bullshit privacy policy is bragging about how it's top priority to protect their customers' information and shit like that. Get the fuck out, cunts!!

I contacted them so I might have a continuation to this rant if I'm not satisfied with their answers.

Goddamn it!

Marketing sends an average of 3 newsletter per week all year round, and 4-5 per week on Christmas.
Mailchimp makes this so damn easy for them...

We have ~500.000 subscribed customers.

They discovered the new chrome push notifications API and I 'refused' to build anything for it because I already find the amount of email they send unacceptable and I am pretty sure they would abuse of it.
I'm already imagining like 10 push messages a day...

Am I wrong? What would you do?

Worst marketing team of the century goes to...

An online shop ... something like Amazon Shopping for South East Asia keeps on sending me their newsletter even though I have already unsubscribed. I wish they'd hire me to take care of their email service.
Although I doubt this is a bug and perhaps one of a schemes of the marketing department and they are already aware of this. Sneaky corporate bastards.

Marketing and Sales must be pretty satisfied with my work now. They only threatened to fire me once this week.

Girlfriend wants to start a fight almost ending the relationship while I have to finish an app in 2 days and the Volley library is starting to get too complicated (should've learned Retrofit instead).

I'm doing the project alone because half of my group literally quit the course to study Advertising and Marketing in the middle of the project.

This is going to be one of those weeks...

In early 2016 I got a front end web development job.

<1 month later, was fired from thatfront end web development job.

Reason: After several years focused primarily on social media marketing, I didn’t know what the hell I was doing and couldn’t catch up fast enough to what their shop was using. My coding skills were way more out of date than I ever anticipated.

In retrospect, the only reason I got the job was that their 3rd party skills testing website repeatedly wouldn’t submit my results and didn’t change up the questions, so by the time it finally did, I had guessed 90% of the answers correctly. I registered as a false positive and that was, apparently, enough for their HR person.

Ticket from legal department: implement GDPR recommendation, log customer consent, separate checkboxes to opt-in to T&C and newsletter

Ticket from marketing department: small print T&C on sign-up, remove "conversion killer" checkbox

This is why we need a product owner

Got a couple marketing emails from a Wordpress hosting site today that I visited yesterday.

I never signed up for the site, and I never hit submit on anything, nor did I agree to the terms and conditions or privacy policy.

However I did type my email address in the registration form while on the phone with our "web developer".

I went back and sure enough, they POST the email immediately after field exit so they can start the marketing spam before signup.

And, of course, no unsubscribe.

Those. Mother. Fuckers.

About a year ago I was doing work for a client that hired a separate contractor for SEO consultation. I could easily end the rant here.

This lady was trying to convince my client to write the same page or blog article several times over and merely change their physical address at the bottom of the page to one of their many respective clinics.

When I told them not to do this because they would suffer for stuffing and duplicating content, their response was to ask me to be respectful of the other contractor's skills and knowledge regarding digital marketing and to call her and sort it out.

I called. We argued. I called the client back and asked if they should respect the skills of an auto mechanic with pliers to remove a teenager's braces rather than send them to one of their orthodontic clinics.

!question to freelancers:
So do all of you have own built websites (of you) to show your skills, self-marketing and so on?

There was this senior designer many years ago that used to come in late everyday, do fuckall except piss everyone off and then spend the majority of her day on the phone organising her social life. We all hated her, and she knew it. This one day she came in and resigned. As we were all Mac, we quickly invented a nickname for her which was "Type 11" in the old Mac days this error was "Unexpectedly Quit". The sad thing was she was best mates with the owners wife. Everyone in the office was questioned about their meanness and nasty vibes. She didn't quit it was just to get back at us for hating her. 12 years on, I'm self employed and she does marketing in a manufacturing co. We get on really well and she gives me good work. Moral: I have no fucking idea what life is about.

Personally I am starting to think that any development tools, resources and sites should not be allowed to use marketing dribble.

It should go
-> Land on home page
-> Hi, we are a realtime database cloud host
-> no you cannot host it yourself
-> here is code to speak to our servers
-> here is the cost
->now take it or go.

Something like that, and not

We provide clients with the leading cloud and hosted data solutions that can scale vertically and horizontally on and offline data management keeping people connected and saving kittens.

Fuck you show me one kitten you saved? Lying pieces of shit that do not want to just say hey this is what we have , this is ours, it may not be much but it is what we believe in and if you would like to use it here is how , thank you now move the fuck along our server can't handle so many concurrent connections.

I didn't think I'd be able to contribute but today proved me wrong.

I'm a front end dev, and I'm the marketing department's go-to in IT (read: I'm their bitch :[ ) The digital marketing guy pinged me today saying he wanted to see if there's a way he could avoid having the president ask him about a task he supposedly did months ago: implement a glossary on our website and index its pages.

Turns out he hasn't done that task at all because he disagreed with the president's decision to even have a glossary.

Fast forward to now, and the president is asking how the glossary is doing. Cue my coworker sending me messages asking how he can avoid having to index the pages now, as well as not get in trouble for not having done it but saying he did.

So in summary: he did not do a job the president told him to do, he lied and said that he had done it, he is avoiding talking to the president about it, he is trying to get me to help him get out of it and cover his tracks, AND he just admitted it in company channels of communication.

Next time, just index the glossary, dude. We all get handed work tasks we don't want to do.

TL;DR Developers don't like it when marketing attempts to do their job. They like it even less when they have to clean up the mess when they fuck things up.

Our marketing team was specifically told not to put JS into the CMS. They were told that if you need JS for something, we will do it and then work it into a release. That wasn't good enough so they hired a design firm to "hack" the JS inline. They found a back door to get the JS in place but couldn't get it to work right. They called me to come look at it. After 5 minutes of explaining why they shouldn't have done what they did, I grudgingly decided to look at the JS. 30 seconds later I fixed what they had been screwing with for about 8 hours. They were using --> arrows in their comments! Seriously?!? designer != developer

The most common line nowadays,"Dude,I have a million dollar idea,You do the code and I will do the marketing. "

Nothing makes me appreciate being a dev more than hearing marketing people in my office talk on the phone all day.

A shitty codebase, an annoying guy from marketing and the realization that I don't want to work in software development but web development.

Hey this is Jenny from XYZ Company

I don't FUCKing care where you're FUCKing from.. If I never signed up for your "marketing" mails.

12 years in the industry. For significant part of that time, I've juggled leadership roles, project management, customer facing role, testing, hardware debugging, marketing .......
Oh, I also code.
My designation is still a software engineer.

>be web designer at last company
>be put into marketing Dept
>do everything from design to dev, working closely with engineers in IT Dept
>whyamihere.png
>leave to join new tech startup
>get job title "Web Developer"
>startup forms a new marketing Dept
>be put into it

Any chance we can do a polling system?

@dfox

I studied anthropology and ive been in this community for almost 2 years. Have discovered the coding landscape at pretty much the same time and i must say its an interesting bunch of people.

I came on here to learn about the geek way and how to become a better dev. Seeing the rants has been really helpful!

But i think the polling system could lead to interesting understanding. Of the community both for your own app (for marketing bullshit purposes) but also for us.

Id love to know what kind of music people listen to but in a summarized way rather than a unending list of comments which will be harder to extract the information from!

Why do these marketing ppl think they know development more than the devs and keep telling us how to do our job :@ and actually they don't even know what they are talking about..

I wish that I never had to work with such ppl

Quick question: Does your mom understand what you do at work?

Mine still thinks I'm doing some Marketing-Shit whereas I tried to explain multiple times to her what IT and eCommerce is...

My team's been moved to a new floor. We're now sat by sales and marketing andI'm losing my fucking mind.

There's one lady who starts every call with the most sing-song version of 'Hi, {}'.format(Name) where she draws out 'Hi' so it's about 3 syllables long. If I have to hear it one more time I'm going to rip the phone out of her hand and throw it out the window.

I have headphones, but it's as if she waits for the second I take them off to say her catchphrase.

I don't mind Apple marketing themselves as these revolutionary thinkers and innovators, because I figured most people see behind the marketing but appreciate Apple for what it is. It's a big company that makes well built products, that are efficient and give good support to those products.

But I'm sick to death of tech journalists talking about how every new feature is the death of Android. They have to be kidding themselves if they think what Apple's doing is innovating. Samsung's been designing screens for the bezelless market for a LONG time, and their technology in that is incredibly advanced (it's why if you use their iPhone x you'll be looking at a screen from Samsung!)

They finally adopted wireless charging and pretended it was brand new, but I remember when they came out with the Apple watch, marketing it like they'd broken ground when Android Wear watches had been out for a year!

I don't want people to think I hate Apple, I own a few of their products. I think they're remarkably invested in user privacy; homekit imo is one of the most forward thinking implementations of smart home technology that I've seen, and the new processor in the iPhone x is a Mammoth powerhouse. So, I'm not necessarily saying anything about that, but what I am saying is that they're iñcredible at marketing, but fanboys but are not self-aware can enough to recognize when the Designed-by-Apple hype over shadows the actual objectivity or the situation. There are articles already talking about Apple's wireless charging.

TL;DR I swear to god if an apple fanboy comes at me saying the bezelless design was Apple's innovation, I'm going to snap. I appreciate what Apple does well, but unfortunately people can't appreciate a product without needing to identify with it.

So, in my company we where initially about 20 programmers doing two big projects.

The client (who also is the owner of the company) keep asking more and more and more things. Each 3 months we update the site but the client doesn't start the marketing or anything else, so the app don't have any users.

After two years of development, 26 micro services, one big web platform in Python (web2py, bad decision) and a hybrid mobile app the client decide to shut down the project because it was "a little bit illegal".

The second project have the same problems, but this project does have marketing, the shitty part is after two year and a lot of development now the project isn't viable because the market is gone.

The boss calls, says he have some problems and he will fire 18 persons and reduce the payment of the rest, he ask us to "hold" for the good times.

The great idea he had for earn money is rewriting a WordPress app that have 4 years in production to angular (because he, who knows why, thinks angular is the best shit out there)

I want to quit but even with the reduced payment I know he pays way more than the market average, plus I'm still student.

I have already done like 3 internships of 6 months now. And all the companies sucked!

Now the current company I work at is at least not a marketing company filled with cocaïne sniffing callcenter junkies. But why do they always lie so much. They promised free food and drinks and code reviews. What I get is a computer with an i5 and a fucking Jira account.

This is fucking annoying me, im hungry, thirsty and somebody should really check the code im about to push because it cant be good!!!

I think I did the stupidest mistake I could possibly do as a developer. Do I still have a chance?

For this question you'll need a bit of background info:

I'm a 17-year old student, developing mostly apps in my freetime. I code since 2011 so I hope to be able to say that I'm at least a bit experienced. I have once shown an app public earlier this year with mediocre interest. I spent the second half of 2017 developing another app as part of an extracurricular activity of my school. On 8th december I presented this new app public under the schools name. As I recall the interest was pretty high, especially when compared to the app in the first half of the year. As the event went on several people that watched my presentation approached me and asked where they could get the app. I said that it was still in development and that they could expect it to come out in early 2018 and I gave them my Twitter. I was super excited and that's where I think I did the worst mistake I could do.
A representative of a company approached me. They were interested in the App because it addresses a topic which is part of what they do. They asked how much I currently make with this app. I responded with "nothing" as it wasn't out yet. They wanted to know how to contact me and I didn't have a sheet of paper and a pen with me (mistake 1). I don't know why I did this, but told them to contact me through reaching out to my school (mistake 2) and said they would find a mail address on my schools homepage (mistake 3) without telling them what my schools name was (mistake 4). They still said that they were about to reach out and look forward to work together with me. They sounded really confident. We didn't have much time to talk but it still would have been enough to get a pan and some paper... 🤦

But I feel pretty stupid now.
I suppose they remembered at least my schools name as my project did stand out (I hope this doesn't sound too arrogant. An app was way over the top for an event like this) and my schools name was all over the place. But I still don't know if they'll ever contact me. At least I learnt from it. I now take a pen and paper with me all the time and I learnt to pitch my current app whenever I'm questioned about it.
I'd like to hear your opinion on that as I never was in a situation like that. Do I still have a chance that they'll contact me? Is it likely?

Thank you in advance. Have mercy if this text isn't error-free as english isn't my native language and I'm sleepy right now. I just wanted to drop this burden for once. 😅

The world is ending

We are a small team of 4 web developers, we handle 20+ websites including sites in which we're only responsible for maintaining. And now I heard that they'll add 3 more projects and the boss say "this will be important!, So we need to focus" apparently every project we're handling is "important" to him. My co workers are resigning because of this madness. Not to mention that we're also (sometimes) doing what a web developer should do, like marketing etc. How's your company's project management? Mine? Shitty af.

Fucking facebook researcher that make underfitted neural nets and fuck Mark that it's a marketing genius, the only idiot that can make news from a failure. The CEO of Tesla knows it and said Mark is not an AI expert. Bug not feature, it's only a poorly trained and poorly designed neural network having a bad representation of concepts, not a new language and not the fucking apocalypse. Google faced and solved the same issue when start ed using neural nets for zero-shot translations without using english as a translation bridge.

Don't you just love it when you're in the middle of an agreed content freeze and a marketing drone demands an immediate content deployment to production because they made a blog post and it's "super urgent" that it goes live right now.

When the marketing exec rings to tell you that they are making a new site for the company...in Wix and that they need to use flash for the "animations".

What is the 1% can't complete this game with some adverts??? Seriously? Bad marketing IMO

So, I had this idea to bring React to the Magento sphere.

Sort of make a Headless Magento with a React frontend making calls through the REST API.

Seems, there is a project already underway doing the same thing with Vue.js instead.

I have just become a contributor to the project.

My first step at marketing myself and getting my name out in the ecosystem.

I have good feelings about my future because I know what I can bring to these projects.

Just because my title has "Web" in it, doesn't mean I signed up to solve all your marketing analytics issues - there's a whole department for that stuff! 😡

How do I promote my open source projects?

I mean, @ai (Andrey Sitnik) have published nanoid and received about 600 github stars in just one first day. I have recently published Tears, webserver for SPA, and received only 7 stars, all of them from my friends.

I've tried posting on hackernews (3 upvotes), github tags, several gitter chats, with absolutely no impact.

So how do I promote my projects?

How to make those marketing staff of x service stop sending you an email when they don't have unsubscribe link:

1. Reply back asking about the free tier/plan
2. Profit!

2 days and no word from them after spamming me daily about the service

Bought a GoDaddy.com domain for the website for our startup as a joint decision by the CEO, marketing guy and me(the Dev), cuz it basically fulfilled our needs. Got some criticism from peers and mentors for not choosing AWS. Guess who's not shitting their pants now.

#!/usr/bin/rant
So, we are a web development and marketing agency. That's fine... except now it seems that we are a marketing and web development agency. Where the head marketing guy feels it's his job to head up web development.

This is NOT what I signed up for.

When you offer web services to a client, the one meeting with the client should understand at least basic stuff, and know when to pull in a heavyweight for more questions. Instead, our web team is summarized by a guy who listens to 80's rock music in a shared office (used to be just me in there) and spends his days trying to get 30-year-olds on Facebook to click an ad.

He was on the phone yesterday with some ecommerce / CRM support, trying to tell them that they have an API, that "it's a simple thing, I'm sure you have it", and that's all we need to do business with them. Which is not his call, it's my call, but for some reason he's the one on the phone asking for API info. The last time I took someone else's word on an API, I underquoted the work and eventually found out that their "API" was nothing more than a cron job which places a CSV file on your server via FTP.

Anyway, we now have a full-time marketer and two part-time interns, with another ad out for an AdWords specialist. Meanwhile, I'm senior dev with a server admin / retired senior dev, and if we don't focus on hiring a front-end guy soon we're going to lose business.

Long story short, I'm getting sick of having a guy who does not understand basic web concepts run the show because he's the one who talks to the client.

Because Vogue magazine is where I get all my computer recommendations!

At one of my previous gigs, the IT director was just some guy that dated the bosses daughter. When she inherited the company he went from entry level data analyst to his new director position. IF he decided to show up to work at all it would be at just in time for lunch, and then he'd head out shortly after.
This guy would ask for an estimate on development and then start the timer when marketing started working on the project. This would often lead to us estimating something like 4 months on a project, and then waiting on marketing for 3 of those months, leaving us with 30 days left.

So I work for a store that sells audio and video equipment. My boss asked me to find old stock that is in our system but not on our site.

We have an event at one of our stores in a week. I made a simple quiz - where people can fill out there email and win... something.

So going through the old stock we found something random, and my boss had the "great" idea to use that as the price for the quiz.

Guess what it is...

nah you won't

ITS A FUCKING TEAPOT.... I AM NOT KIDDING YOU - our audio video store is giving away a teapot as a price!?!?

I am pretty sure that my mom's anti aging creme has bubble sort as its algorithm hahaha 😂😂😂

Marketing meeting. They don't care about programmers and they don't want you to talk but they would assume you have said yes to everything they asked for

MongoDB really needs to chill the fuck out with their email marketing, daily emails plus frequent harassment from sales reps wanting to know why I downloaded their software is getting on my tits now.

Anybody would think I'm the first person that's ever installed the bloody thing.

Whenever I add an address to spam or unsubscribe it just seems like the origin address changes, having to rely on client side filtering, yayyy

No man's sky: I can imagine the devs fighting management and marketing letting them know that what they were selling was bullshit and they be like 0 fucks given.

How can an online marketing company work without any web developer? How can they look at their costumers' face and pretend to represent their communication using basic mailchimp and DESIGNING HTML WITH MS OFFICE? Can someone explain me why should anyone think a NEWSLETTER MADE OF FUCKING TABLES works just fine? Why spend money on inadequate software and shitty plans instead of using it for hire a good developer? They don't even understand the fucking mailchimp anyways, why pay for something you don't know how to use and then BLAME OTHERS WHEN STARTS RAINING SHIT BECAUSE OF YOUR DECISIONS?? I got nothing against salesman, and I believe ignorance is not a sin, but when those two elements merge, a fucking stupid raises in glory and I get to work three or four times more than if they just used common sense for once.

*not the actual client's name

Started learning to code while in high school. Gave up considering it as a job, but kept it as a hobby until I could no longer bare working in the marketing industry. After a really, really bad period in my life, I started to learn to code again and finally got a job.

When a marketing / sales person says in a meeting with executives that our current infrastructure can handle 300.000 new customers easily. (We're at 90 ATM).

Mfw I'm the techie in the room and aware of our non-scaling mysql DB.

Sitting super hot and extremely loud marketing girls next to your entire developer staff is a good way to decrease productivity. not to mention how extremely annoying they can be at times. ugh!!

I published an app on Google Play on Sunday and since then I received a number of emails from 6 unique companies that want me to promote the app using their services (excluding reminders they send for me to get back to them). I understand that some people make a living out of this marketing but stop flooding my inbox with this crap!

My marketing department everyday while we try to keep the titanic floating

Ok. This is not a rant.

My company invites our customers each year to something like a exhibition. We have a very complex business software which is installed on the intranet of our customers. So the customer representatives are very used to us.

After the presentations we all joined an event prepared by our Marketing people.

That was so great and fantastic. Honestly.
The best part - if you once drank with a customer, the comunication is much different than before 😵

I'm still having a hangover. So sorry for typos....

Apparently making stuff harder to mod is a selling point now

My status:
Graduate student studying Computer Science at the University of New York at Buffalo.
4 Computer Vision and Image Processing Projects
3 Distributed Systems projects (Android apps).
Red Hat Certifications.
Applied to 135 companies for an internship program.
Here are the replies I have gotten so far.
" We have analyzed your resume and we think you'll be a great choice for this position at our company."
What position?
MARKETING INTERN.
FML!

Working hard to meet crazy deadline to finish last update before new product announcement to make it look better. Our CEO blabs about new top secret product at some conference throwing away all marketing efforts up to date and putting marketing team into panic mode. Result? They moved the announcement date without discussing it with development. Result? Our efforts and overtimes wasted and we are announcing product before it is ready. End result? I'm pissed so I wrote angry e-mail to our CEO. Wondering what will happen now :-) But with unfinished announced product and crazy deadlines they need me a lot more than I need them.

Who the fuck in Apple's marketing team decided that WWDC should be held at the exact same time as E3? Like how am I mean't to be distracted by the cool stuff at E3 at work while also being distracted by the stuff being released by Apple?

On a digital marketing course.
Teacher:
"Web pages are made of structured content and style, that's HTML and CSS. There are also many programming languages, like JavaScript or Python, but we are not discussing those here because it's computer freaks stuff. Now let's talk about cookies..."
Me: Should I kill myself now or wait until that man stops saying shit an die killing him too...?

I don't understand why they're still calling it SSL. It was buried long ago by TLS.

Fuck this marketing bullshit, just fucking call it TLS already.

Oh yeah 🙌🏼 So here is the other thing! Many of us work on side projects where we build awesome stuff in our spare time. We don't get much publicity, userbase or conversions as we are not marketing people. So go ahead and write short desc about your product along with website link if you have any. Product screenshot is most welcome 😜 Don't forget to tag post with "mystartup" 🙌🏼 Looking forward to see awesome projects.

I hate marketing companies. Stop giving me unrealistic deadlines and making me work on production code. Fucking please, just listen to me for once. Oh what's that? It's buggy? Hmm maybe if my deadline wasn't so short..

CMS admin does not mean that I also manually like to add content for marketing 🌍

Why do marketers always tarnish the name of new concepts by turning them into buzzwords?

For example, "Cloud" is one of the most misused and overused words on the internet. If something has anything to do with the internet, it's likely to be plastered with the word "Cloud".

It's like "App" all over again. Anything remotely related to technology is called an "App" by it's marketing team and layman users.

We have this marketing class that none of us gives a rat's ass about and it's not related to software engineering in any way, and our professor knew that.

So to make things easier for him and for us, he made the rule that if we do at least 30% right on the test, we'll pass.

If we got a question right, we get 1 point, if we got it wrong 0 points, and if we left it unanswered, a quarter of a point.

That meant that if we didn't do anything on the test, we get 25 % anyway, so we almost pass by doing nothing.

Fucking genius.

I only answered 5-6 questions that I knew were right and left the rest unanswered and passed

My best dev experience this year was the success of my company intern app at work, where I am employeed since last December beside my studies.
The company founder, the CEO, the head of department and the marketing department all like my app and in January it will be deployed to all company phones 😀
Whish me luck that there won't be any serious bugs 😅

Facebook and Youtube's new feature... You cannot skip the video ads :)

A 3D version of myself who can do all the socializing with idiots for me.
Oh, that and goes to the meetings with marketing team. I'm always surprised about how the head of marketing team even managaed to finish school.

! Rant
I recently learned about rubber duck debugging hence wanted to buy one.
So went on to Amazon.in to find some.
And surprise surprise guess whom did I find in my instagram feed?
Marketing has turned into stalking these days eh?

My last job I worked with one other dev, she always thought her code was PERFECT and the way she did things PERFECT, she enjoyed pointing out flaws in my code or web sites in our big marketing meeting with out executives. Yeah won't miss her one bit

The marketing team at my work could be turned into an anime.

Marketing tech of over 25 years in this company asks this at least 2 - 3 times a year, "to find the percentage, take the small number and divide by the big number right?"

NO. NO. NO. NOOO! NOOOOOO! God dammit. You're a grown man.

For higher grade software development it should be mandatory to understand the big picture of problems...

If you are working for a online shop, you might want to ask marketing, what they want to sell, before they do it

You might want to ask billing, what customers buy, before you spend time on unnecessary features

You want to ask billing and legals, how they do fraud detection and you want to get the it security fellows on board too.

If marketing and billing knows, that maintenance needs time and money, they can calculate with that. If security knows, that some fails will be catched, no matter if you fix it in software or not they can adapt their priorities.

You might want to know something about process optimisation... Factories of car parts have spent years on such problems - learn from them.

Tomorrow, my team will receive TV reporters for an economy magazine.
We'll have to fake a meeting and the Marketing Officer insisted that everyone has to be present.
I wanted to do teleworking on that day because of the huge strike of the public transports.
Guess who will wake up at 5:45 tomorrow morning?

Trying to explain to people why 6GB of RAM on a phone is overkill.

Seriously, you do know your phone can only do one thing at a time right?

And Android still shuts down the app after certain amount of time even if there is enough RAM.

This became such a common saying, marketing made us shirts

IT jobs explained with a broken light bulb 😂

8 beds total, 5 bookings made, 5 still left...

I think I need to go back to class 1 and study matha again... This time, properly!

Hey DevRant, I'd like you to meet "Marketing Brandon", his favorite daily activities include:

- asking me when that landing page is going to be ready

- asking how to support a customer on live chat even though he chose to assign the ticket to himself in the first place

- explaining how important social media is

- telling me he's working as fast as he can on some website copy I need and then sitting and composing tweets for 40 minutes

- asking if I can "just real quickly when I get the chance" implement a huge new feature for our users

- announcing to the entire office that he "has to leave early today" because the pet store closes at 5 and his ferret ran out of food yesterday

-.-

Does your office have a Marketing Brandon or similar?

Their claim is "Innovation and Digital Marketing". They develop software, websites and apps...

I've just clicked on the slider's CTA for Services... and I've got a PDF!!!