If you ever decide to become a manager, I hope every time you sit down, your chair makes a farting sound, but just once, so you can’t repeat it to demonstrate that it was in fact your chair and not yourself.

Have legal troubles in the UK? Scammed someone? Messed with the wrong person? Facing charges and a lengthy jail time? No problem! Go and touch some children. UK protects pedos at all costs, so you’ll immediately be pardoned. Maybe they’ll even give you a medal.

Kiki’s meme of the day

Lmao u don’t say
Pwned

Kiki’s meme of the day

Alright fellow sweaty programmers, mama Kiki is here to teach you the basics of hygiene.

TEETH
- If you have a toothpaste prescription, use it.
- Every single whitening toothpaste is a scam. Don’t use them.
- Every single over-the-counter toothpaste that decreases sensitivity does work. If your teeth are sensitive, use it.
- Otherwise, buy the cheapest name-brand toothpaste.
- Use dental floss. As long as it’s flat and waxed, the cheapest one will do.
- When flossing, never move the floss back and forth as if you try to saw through your gums. Just put the floss in, then out. Repeat if necessary.
- Don’t put your toothpaste on your toothbrush. Put a small amount of it directly in your mouth with a bit of water. Close your mouth and spread toothpaste all over your teeth using a rinsing motion, as if it was mouthwash. Now your teeth are completely covered.
- When brushing teeth, don’t use -90°/0°/90° angles. Use -35°/35°. This way you will spend less time while getting better cleansing. Bristle ends should touch where your teeth meet your gums.
- Get yourself a tongue scrubber. Scrub your tongue until what comes off of it is clean. Dirty tongue is why your breath smells bad, not dirty teeth.
- After you’re done, don’t rinse! Spit the toothpaste out, but let its residue stay there. The remineralization process is now started. If you follow the routine, you don’t need mouthwash at all.
- Drinking/eating sugary things, not washing your teeth and going straight to bed is the best way to get cavities ASAP. In your mouth, sugar quickly turns into the kind of acid that we use for soldering. It can strip the oxide layer off of copper. Do you know how after you drink Coke, your teeth become almost squeaky clean? That’s this. If you like sugary drinks, carefully drink them using a straw. Rinse immediately after you’re done drinking & eating.

SHAVING
- Get yourself an old-school safety T-razor, the one that takes suicide blades. It will last a lifetime. Mühle and Merkur are good manufacturers (not affiliated). Once you have it, for the rest of your life, you will only buy blades. This is the most environmentally friendly way to get a clean, close shave. Electric razors save water, but they often contain batteries.
- Because of how violently electric razor’s blades hit hair while cutting it, they chip your hair. This leads to your freshly grown hair being sharp, rough and unpleasant to the touch. The manual razor, on the other hand, produce clean edges. When your hair grows back, it will be softer than what you get with an electric razor.
- Feather brand blades (not affiliated) are the sharpest in the world. The sharper the blade, the less traumatic it is. Watch T-razor tutorials on YouTube. There are different shaving techniques that will get you a killer shave.
- T-razor blades last considerably longer than their modern soyboy single-use counterparts.
- Because of a single blade construction, T-razor almost never leaves irritation.
- Basically, modern single-use plastic blades are horrible for the environment, and they’re almost a scam for how much you get for your money. They’re only rivaled by printer ink. Use them only for intimate shaving, as they’re considerably handier down there.
- Always shave after hot shower.
- Before shaving, dry the skin surface. Apply shaving foam on dry skin only, as it contains chemicals that make your hair softer. When diluted, they’re not as effective, and shaving unsoftened hair is almost always unpleasant and dangerous.
- After applying the foam, wait about a minute for the foam to work. If the skin gets irritated, don’t wait for as long, or perhaps try a different foam brand.
- Before shaving, thoroughly clean your razor with hand sanitizer or ethanol. Ideally, it should be sterile. Using boiling hot water is also a good option, just be careful with it.
- After shaving, rinse off foam, immediately dry your skin with a clean towel, then apply aftershave. After applying it, don’t touch your skin until it completely dries. If you follow this routine, your skin won’t get any pimples, guaranteed.
- Scrubs won’t help you. Don’t use them.

More in the comments!

Merry Antichristmas to all who celebrate!

Crocheted a shrug!

Kiki’s meme of the day

under your rights stood girls who threw bricks at cops
Iearn

forgot how much i hate react

How fast is Google Docs and how slow is Notion highlights the difference between real six figures engineers who know their shit and wannabe JavaScript hipsters.

Celebrities were randomly offered a drug that, when ingested, teleported you to a Dark Souls-style fighting ring. Out-of-bounds 5-meter-tall abominations, one of which was Stretch Armstrong named Arnold (based on Arnold Schwarzenegger), were pounding on you really hard. If you survived, you would wake up as if nothing had happened. If you died, your reality was altered to be exactly the same, except one thing: a $100 bill now featured an actor that looked like a child of Nicolas Cage, Tupac Shakur and the guy from the PhilipSoloTV YouTube channel. His name was Dubius Building. He always wore a suit that was a bit too large for him, and had his signature half-smile. Everyone used to love him in the early 00s.

Little did they knew, the competition was rigged from the start. Abominations were invincible all along.

Fucking search bars. It seems like no one is interested in making search on their website actually work. It always gives me some random shit all while missing relevant results I can find myself by scrolling through menus. It’ll miss stuff even while searching the exact subtext. Every. Single. Time.
If it’s not an open source library’s docs with Algolia, you can forget about their search bar.

Kiki's meme of the day

Pre-Soviet poster:
“Young negro's first misfortune”
— Why are you crying, little boy?
— Well, my parents caught a tourist, cooked him and promised to give me his brain. But now they're telling me he had no brain — he was pro-October revolution!

Kiki’s meme of the day

Kiki's meme of the day

Due to the blue shift effect, when you're on your morning run, the grass is indeed greener, and the sky is bluer.

Trying to hire entire IT department but you have a budget for a single person.

!rant I made the mistake of consuming a root beer float too fast and ended up feeling nauseous.

But then I remembered there’s a stupid trick that sometimes works where sniffing rubbing alcohol can sidetrack your system to prevent nausea so sniffed the heck out of an alcohol wipe.

Successfully avoided puking. Great success.

Kiki’s meme of the day

Kiki’s meme of the day… the zoom thing hits way too hard

Rocks are quiet because trees are listening.

Layoffs are exhausting. Especially when you have to come off PTO to attend meetings. Still have a job. Back to PTO.

Kiki’s meme of the day

do they

Nemo is trans confirmed!

You can incinerate but not incinespeed

We live in the world where “At least I’m not a pedophile” is a genuine PR strategy. If you’re kinda famous, all you have to do is clear the lowest bar imaginable.