So I'm approaching a 8 year anniversary working in IT and this feels like the first time needing to do a serious rant.

Today I've come across some code (infact just a single line) written by another company that is so fucking fundamentally stupid that they should be banned from writing any code ever. Like holy fuck.

This is textbook examples of shit never to do ever in any fucking environment or intranet/extranet etc. What the fuck. The fucking muppetry involved in this. This is what they teach novice programmers - you see this code written 20 years ago? Never fucking do this. You see this company that went bust 10 years ago? It was because of shit like this. Never ever write code like this or your 90kg ass will be thrown 300m by the greatest medieval fucking siege engine ever created after we throw you through the catastrophic gaping hole in time and space that your line of code just created.

Fucking fuckity bye.

How I like my coffee in the morning: chocolatey and without production issues.

If I recognize someone by their username or remember their name.. it's usually a bad thing because they're on my mental blacklist for fucking up Production....

Ahh life in IT Ops...

It's Friday!

Time to close off the team sprints after the team having done 8+ production releases in the last two weeks -_-

Exhausted...

Uhoh.... Task Manager you had one job.

Don't make me use the tasklist/taskkil twins!

Pushing ahead with a Friday arvo release; what could go wrong?

(Arvo = afternoon for the non-Australians here)

[Week 44 rant] Worst CS teacher experience:

In Uni (aka college), CS teacher would show introductory C code during the lecture, then proceed to run it... And compilation errors. And then spend the next 45 mins trying to fix it. Usually they would get it working in the last 5 mins of the one hour lecture.

This would go on every single lecture for the next 10-12 weeks.

Most of it was basic stuff like hello world through to sorting algorithms etc.

At the time it was pretty silly and 3/4 of the class stopped attending the lectures...

----------------

In hindsight maybe it was all intentional and training us for what real dev life would be like?

// Delivery manager rant part #2

When one of your many stakeholders asks "why isn't feature X built yet?"

Response: have you seen the state of production lately???? Do you really think your item is top of our priority list right now?

Rawrrrr
People need to understand that prioritisation is not saying everything is top priority. That means they're all the *same* priority and therefore none are a priority! Gah

Had a weird issue today, opened an old SQL script that I had and every single character was separated by NUL character.

Needed to dust off the regex skills to find the inverse of all the characters I wanted to keep so as to replace everything leftover with nothing...

Still have no idea how that could have happened.

Coffee shop is closed

The internet is down

Finding weird stuff that previous devs have done #302:
- they "branched" by manually creating a folder in svn repo then copy pasted in a ton of files from elsewhere... Then committed the lot in one go.

End result: an orphaned branch that confuses repo migration tools and not having any idea what they actually changed...

Advice that I give to interns/grads:

In uni/college, you're taught *how* to code something to achieve a goal, and 99% of the time the code will work and do the job in a lab.

But when building things for a real production environment, you learn the 100 ways how *not* to code, from seeing things break left right and centre - basically everything and anything can break your code, whether it is users, the OS, other people's code, legacy code, lag, concurrency, the alignment of the moon to your server...

That moment when you've been investigating one particular bug, then stumble upon the cause and fix for another bug from 6 months ago that had left your vendor stumped...

I may have watched too much Westworld; I'm naming JIRA tickets with "Analysis - what caused the failure..."