I can identify

Dear DevRant,

Tomorrow, I get to defend my memory (the document I finished 3 weeks before deadline, remember?), which means that I am a month away to finish my studies forever. I am totally fucking scared but, heh, the key not to panick is to think it's already too late, just go til the end while avoiding saying bullshit as much as you can.

There are so much things I want to do, from sleeping one month straight, to shove my resignation letter in everyone's ass. Hopefully, everything will happen soon enough :)

I just want you to know that it feel so good to be a member of a community that is so relatable about anger you can feel everyday, it feels so good.

Love y'all, and wish me luck

@Drillan767

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*opens page source*
*delete*
Yeah I guess you could call me a hacker

Found this on Reddit!
Makes sense!

Me: intern in XYZ company
Boss: boss of XYZ

Boss: Why are you taking so much time in developing a simple webpage.
Me: *explains because you asked for so much bullshit to include**
Boss: I can develop it in half an hour.
Me: *-_-*
Boss: I developed a website in PowerPoint when I was intern.
Me: In PowerPoint? How?... Really..?
Boss: Ya, that's the type of skills I have. You're so lazy, you take so much time to make a simple webpage.
Me: -_-

My brain hurts.

It feels stupid to see a simple google dork returning the list of your mistakes.

Working with memory in C

I... uhm... I... I can't... I ... I can't even.... THIS IS LIVE IN THE CLIENT'S SITE WHERE ANYONE CAN CREATE A LOGIN WITH NO VERIFICATION WHATSOEVER AND SEE THIS WHICH IS LINKED TO A BIG RED BUTTON THAT RESETS THE WHOLE DATABASE, YOU FUCKING DUMB PIECE OF SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

// This event clears the entire solution in all active clients, truncates the database and also removes any stored PDFs in the server folder
$(document).on('click', '#resetDB', function () {
// This event only happens if the user correctly enters the password, this is to prevent other users than the admin from performing this action
var answer = prompt("Please enter the password required to perform this action.");
if(answer == "-REDACTEDBECAUSEHOLYSHIT-") {
socket.emit('resetDB');
} else {
alert("The password is incorrect, please try again!");
}
});

AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!111!!1!!11!1!!1!1one!one!!!11

(I'm not inventing this, even though the "site" is internal only and not accessible through the web. That does *not* make it any less stupid!)

When you get high on validation

I promise this is my last GDPR rant..

"WiFi is better than Ethernet because the air is bigger so it can hold more internet."

Yes, and horse-drawn carriages are better than cars because they have bigger wheels.

Fucking trueee

GDPR done right. 😂😂

Stackoverflow.

"The difference between SSDs and HDDs is that HDDs store data on spinning CDs inside the drive"
-- a 3rd year CS student

Spinning CDs?? CDs?!?!?

I worked on a greenfield project a couple of years ago. The company had an old solution written in Omnis (heard of it? Yeah, me neither) with an SQL database. My team was to create a completely new web based system... on top of the old database, so the customers could keep their existing stuff.

The dba was an intelligent man, one of the nicest people I've met, and over the course of fifteen years he had made a remarkably terrifying monstrosity of a database. Some years before me they wanted to "future proof" the system and make it "easier to switch to new technologies". So they moved the entire business logic into the database...

I used a tool to create a visualization of said database when we started. It had no views, only tables and sprocs. Look at it! Tables and sprocs are rectangles (well, dots) and any connections are drawn in grey lines. There were no foreign keys, so a tables only visualization only yielded a collection of independent rectangles without a single line.

Now, the stored procedures were bloody MASSIVE. A single procedure that only registered a new interested party and attached them to a property had 2500+ lines and over 150 parameters.

Also, this dba added features and fixed bugs by logging into the respective customers production server and writing SQL.

That database is the stupidest thing I've ever seen a developer do.

Company uses Trello to track bugs and features the devs are doing.

End of the week the PM: "So what bugs and features did you work on this week?"

If only there was a platform that we could track all these things... 🤦‍♂️

Anyone else here ever used a bit of bluff to land a job?

If programming languages where weapons...

1. C is an M1 Garand standard issue rifle, old but reliable.

2. C++ is a set of nunchuks, powerful and impressive when wielded but takes many years of pain to master and often you probably wish you were using something else.

3. Perl is a molotov cocktail, it was probably useful once, but few people use it

4. Java is a belt fed 240G automatic weapon where sometimes the belt has rounds, sometimes it doesn’t, and when it doesn’t during firing you get an NullPointerException, the gun explodes and you die.

5. Scala is a variant of the 240G Java, except the training manual is written in an incomprehensible dialect which many suspect is just gibberish.

6. JavaScript is a sword without a hilt.

7. Go is the custom made “if err != nil” starter pistol and after each shot you must check to make sure it actually shot. Also it shoots tabs instead of blanks.

8. Rust is a 3d printed gun. It may work some day.

9. bash is a cursed hammer, when wielded everything looks like a nail, especially your thumb.

10. Python is the “v2/v3” double barrel shotgun, only one barrel will shoot at a time, and you never end up shooting the recommended one. Also I probably should have used a line tool to draw that.

11. Ruby is a ruby encrusted sword, it is usually only used because of how shiny it is.

12. PHP is a hose, you usually plug one end into a car exhaust, and the other you stick in through a window and then you sit in the car and turn the engine on.

13. Mathematica is a low earth orbit projectile cannon, it could probably do amazing things if only anyone could actually afford one.

14. C# is a powerful laser rifle strapped to a donkey, when taken off the donkey the laser doesn’t seem to work as well.

15. Prolog is an AI weapon, you tell it what to do, which it does but then it also builds some terminators to go back in time and kill your mom

All credits go to Vicky from damnet.com

Today, Samsung placed an two A4 page ad in a local free newspaper, in which they describe since when they implemented the features from the new iphone

LOL...

Our CTO has been told, this morning by management, that our development department is "too quiet" and that it's spoiling "the atmosphere" of the office space.

So we've ordered mechanical keyboards.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

My life with JavaScript 😂😭

For those of you who are having interviews ... remember this

Friend: OMG are you hacking ?

[sudo apt-get update] running

Me: Yes. I am.

My "Coding Standards" for my dev team

1.) Every developer thinks or have thought their shit don't stink. If you think you have the best code, submit it to your peers for review. The results may surprise you.

2.) It doesn't matter if you've been working here for a day or ten years. Everyone's input is valuable. I don't care if you're the best damn programmer. If you ever pull rank or seniority on someone who is trying to help, even if it isn't necessarily valid or helpful, please have your resume ready to work elsewhere.

3.) Every language is great and every language sucks in their own ways. We don't have time for a measuring contest. The only time a language debate should arise is for the goal of finding the right one for the project at hand.

4.) Comment your code. We don't have time to investigate what the structure and purpose of your code is when we need to extend upon it.

5.) If you use someone else's work, give them the credit in your comments. Plagiarism will not be tolerated.

6.) If you use flash, you will be taken out back and shot. If you survive, you will be shot again.

7.) If you load jQuery for the sole purpose of writing a simple function, #6 applies.

8.) Unless it is an actual picture, there is little to no reason for not utilizing CSS. That's what it's there for.

9.) We don't support any version of Internet Explorer and Edge other than the latest versions, and only layout/alignment fixes will be bothered with.

10.) If you are struggling with a task, reach out. While you should be able to work independently, it doesn't make sense to waste your time and everyone else's to not seek assistance when needed.

11.) I'm serious about #6 and #7. Don't do it.

Management knows shit about managing.

They ask us to do x and one month later they have the first meeting to discuss it... They didn't even plan it, only asked.

Its like asking a hamburger at Mc Donalds and letting the kind of hamburger for when it arrives:

"Hey, I want a hamburger"

Mc. Employee: "Which one , sir?"

"Doesn't matter, when it arrives we decide about it, just go on, chop chop"