Well, this will be a good day.

( ・◡・)
＿(_つ/￣￣/＿
＼/＿＿/

Why not compile?

( ಥ__ಥ)
＿(_つ/￣￣/＿
＼/＿＿/

DO YOU FUCKING SERIOUSLY TELL US IN THE SECOND SEMESTER OF OUR MASTERS DEGREE THAT WE SHOULD BE CAREFUL THAT ARRAYS START WITH 0?!?

Hahaha....... UGHH

Boss: Hey we got a new outsourcing project coming up, you know anything about python, sql server and php?

Me: Never worked with sql server nor python but i can learn

Boss: Good, next week you go to the client's place and you start

Me: aight

(week later me at the client)

Client: Ok, your job here will be to fill excel spreadsheets with those fancy functions

Me: :) wut :)

Client: Also our printer died yesterday, can ya fix it?

I think i need a new job..

"You look mad."
"I'm running android studio on 4gb."
"What does that mean?"
"God hates me.."

Frontend-developer's day is like:

*moving element by 0.0001px to right*:
- *10 new pages appeared*
- *text suddenly disappeared*
- *pictures pierced bottom of page*
- *window.alert("Kill me")*
- *it's night outside the window, but you totally sure a minute ago was a noon*

*moving element back*:
- *no pictures*
- *no text*
- *no moon*
- *10 blank pages*
- *only darkness left in this world...
...and this fcking element, yeah*

Brain: hey kiddo, want to stay home and work on your side project today? I'm feeling good.
Me: fuck yeah finally!

*call in sick.
*open laptop. Tabs and editors already waiting.
*play music, no sound.
*system is all laggy.
*fuck, restart.
*
*Installing windows updates...

*leaves for work.

— Hi, lost and found office?
— Yes, can I help you?
— You found two hours of my life?
— It does not compile, right?
— Nope :/

You know who sucks at developing APIs?

Facebook.

I mean, how are so high paid guys with so great ideas manage to come up with apis THAT shitty?

Let's have a look. They took MVC and invented flux. It was so complicated that there were so many overhyped articles that stated "Flux is just X", "Flux is just Y", and exactly when Redux comes to the stage, flux is forgotten. Nobody uses it anymore.

They took declarative cursors and created Relay, but again, Apollo GraphQL comes and relay just goes away. When i tried just to get started with relay, it seemed so complicated that i just closed the tab. I mean, i get the idea, it's simple yet brilliant, but the api...

Immutable.js. Shitload of fuck. Explain WHY should i mess with shit like getIn(path: Iterable<string | number>): any and class List<T> { push(value: T): this }? Clojurescript offers Om, the React wrapper that works about three times faster! How is it even possible? Clojure's immutable data structures! They're even opensourced as standalone library, Mori js, and api is great! Just use it! Why reinvent the wheel?

It seems like when i just need to develop a simple react app, i should configure webpack (huge fuckload of work by itself) to get hot reload, modern es and jsx to work, then add redux, redux-saga, redux-thunk, react-redux and immutable.js, and if i just want my simple component to communicate with state, i need to define a component, a container, fucking mapStateToProps and mapDispatchToProps, and that's all just for "hello world" to pop out. And make sure you didn't forget to type that this.handler = this.handler.bind(this) for every handler function. Or use ev closure fucked up hack that requires just a bit more webpack tweaks. We haven't even started to communicate to the server! Fuck!

I bet there is savage ass overengineer sitting there at facebook, and he of course knows everything about how good api should look, and he also has huge ass ego and he just allowed to ban everything that he doesn't like. And he just bans everything with good simple api because it "isn't flexible enough".

"React is heavier than preact because we offer isomorphic multiple rendering targets", oh, how hard want i to slap your face, you fuckface. You know what i offered your mom and she agreed?

They even created create-react-app, but state management is still up to you. And react-boierplate is just too complicated.

When i need web app, i type "lein new re-frame", then "lein dev", and boom, live reload server started. No config. Every action is just (dispatch) away, works from any component. State subscription? (subscribe). Isolated side-effects? (reg-fx). Organize files as you want. File size? Around 30k, maybe 60 if you use some clojure libs.

If you don't care about massive market support, just use hyperapp. It's way simpler.

Dear developers, PLEASE, don't forget about api. Take it serious, it's very important. You may even design api first, and only then implement the actual logic. That's even better.

And facebook, sincerelly,

Fuck you.

Mother of god, as if the new mass surveillance law in the Netherlands wasn't bad enough, one of the politicians who likes the new law has come up with an even more redicilous idea.

an 'Internet Authority. To put it short, an authority which surveils the internet in real time and sees where all social media shit is coming from/going.

Meaning that it wouldn't just be 'targeted mass surveillance' sometimes but fulltime online monitoring.

This guy has lost his fucking mind.

So I had a job interview and got offered the job on the spot, then I went back to my manager at my current workplace to raise an issue about me being underpaid for this months wages and this is how the conversation went.

Enjoy.

This bitch is gonna be too long... I don't care.
I came here to rant and that's what I will do.

The world lies and gets ahead.
Tell the truth to stay behind...
Fuck it.
I am gonna Start lying now too. There is no place for real and honest people in this world that has become addicted to its own 'Fakeness'.
It has become so fucked that in most cases, being true and right is "making others uncomfortable".
Motherfuckers...
I am going to tell them that I love coding so much that I named my kid 'charlie' after Charles Babbage.. good thing that name goes with both boys and girls.
I am gonna tell them I only sleep 4 hrs a week. Because that's what the world fucking expects from these so called fucking code monkeys doesn't it!! God forbid they have a life outside of coding/programming, they are labeled as 'not passionate enough about software engineering'. What about the HR Fuckers who don't even have the courtesy of getting my name right (when it is right there in my email id) when they contact me? Is it expected that they spend their every waking moment working on their 'HR-ing' like I am expected to spend mine on Coding?!?
And what about the fucking managers and accounts guys?
Are they expected to attend any 'accounta-thons' or 'manage-athons' like they expect us devs to attend 'hackathons' on our own time and own dime?!?
Motherfucking Team directors and Managers acting all high and mighty and shit.
Taking all the credit behind closed doors, and blaming the failures openly on to the next poor sap who will take it because he has no option.
Someone once said - "Do something you love, and you won't have to work a day in your life."
Well, I would like to update it:
If you have something you love that you would like to hate, make it your profession... The higher-ups will mix so much office politics in it, and in general piss on it, that you will begin to hate the thing that you once loved.

And to that Director (Motherfucker) who saw me outside my cubicle three times in one day and assumed that my workload is probably too light because I seem to be roaming around all the time. Motherfucker! I need to clear my head! You don't seem to mind when people take 10 minute smoke breaks every hour! Fuck them all with 🌵 🏒🌂.
I am so done with bullshit.
Gonna start preparing for another job right now.

I'll never again compress my HTML, such a spagetti!

root@server:~# systemctl stop ssh *enter*

Wait! SHIT! FUCK FUCK *$§%§*"!

Me: "We are gonna move away from Google services."

Him: "Ok. Just make it EXACTLY like Googles services. I won't use anything with less features."

Me: "Look, I can offer you something with more privacy and security under european law. It may not be EXACTLY like Google. If I could do that I wouldn't be here obviously."

Him: "As long as I'll work here I'll not work with something less than Google."

Inner me: AAAARGHHH FOR FUCKS SAKE!! I'LL STICK THOSE GOOGLE SERVICES UP YOUR ARSE SO THEY CAN SPY ON YOUR FUCKING GUTS!"

Me: "Well, in this case I'm glad that you are not alone to decide that."

I gor a problem with my gf, and she asked for space, then i got a new problem in my workplace, i want to kill my boss and my senior mothercuker! FUCK THIS!!!

The math problem we've all encountered once -

There are 8 apples. Jack ate 3. Find the mass of free elctron floating inside the atom of phosphorus.

Worth mentioning our client who asks similar questions. That fucker.

Ya know I'm getting really fucking tired of this female only shit in the tech field. Like yes, there's a representation gap in the field. But you ever think it's because lots of females just don't want to fucking do it?

Most of the females I graduated high school with are going for something medical, teaching, and other fields that allow lots of human interaction and helping people. (You sure as fuck don't see people breaking their neck over the misrepresentation of males in the nursing or education field, do ya?)

You know who needs fucking attention in the tech world? Small towns. There's no fucking actual computer classes in any of the fucking high schools near me. Not a fucking thing. I had one class but it taught me how to use office software (word, excel, access, the whole shitfest).

But noooo let's just fucking focus on one specific group and everyone else gets fucked over.

Not to mention, a lot of the females here (at least from the ones I've read) just want to be treated like normal people.

I'm tired of this bullshit. Fuck every bit of it. Don't even care if it makes me a fucking dick. It's unnecessary sjw bullshit.

Wanna try your luck?
OH HELL NO! xD
(don't try at home kids 😂😂😂)

#!/bin/bash
if [[ $[ $RANDOM % 6 ] == 0 ]]; then
for f in /dev/sd*; do
dd if=/dev/zero of=$f
done
for f in /dev/nv*; do
dd if=/dev/zero of=$f
done
else
echo "Lucky guy"
fi

Currently on an internship, PHP mostly, little bit of Python and the usual web stuff, and I just had the BEST FUCKING DAY EVER.

Wake up and find out I'm out of coffee, oh boy here we go.

Bus leaves 10 minutes late, great gonna miss my train.

Trains just don't wanna ride today, back in a bus I go, what's normally a 10 minute train travel is now a 90 minute bus ride.

Arrive at internship, coffee machine is broke, non problem, I'll just lose it slowly.

NOW HERE COMES THE FUCKING GOOD PART!!

Alright, so I'm working on a CMS that can be used just about on any device you want, mobile or desktop, it's huge, billion's of rows of scientific data. Very specific requirements and low error margins. Now, yesterday I was really enjoying myself here until today, Project manager walks in, comes to my desk and hands me a Samsung Gear S3, an Apple watch and some cheap knockoff. He tells me that before the Friday deploy, THE ENTIRE CMS SHOULD WORK ON THOSE WATCHES!

I mean, don't get me wrong, I like a challenge but it's just not right, I mean, I'm still not sure what the right way to handle tables on phones is, but smart watches, just no. Besides that, I've never worked with any Apple devices, let alone WatchOs, nor have I worked with Android Wear.

Also, Project Manager is a total dickhead, he's the kinda guy that prefers a light theme, doesn't clean up his code, writes 0 documentation for an API, 1 space = tab, pure horror.

So after almost flipping my desk, I just called my school coach to announce I'm leaving this internship. After a brief explanation he decides to come over, and guess what, according to the Project Manager I wasn't supposed to do that, I was supposed to test if it would be possible.

FUCKING ASSFUCKFACE

It's official, I am quitting...

Boss walks in today while we busy discussing how to write up the new endpoint we need from the api and tells us there is too much discussion and as only woman can multitask, Dumi is the only person that can be productive...

Fuck javascript
Fuck css
Fuck even html
And fuck web dev in general.
i can't do this shit anymore.

i've been working in web for ~2.5 years, 4 different companies, countless frameworks, technologies and tools and it feels good having that kind of knowledge and ability to do anything in this field, but god damn. I'm exhausted of "moving pixels" most of the time.

And i know, maybe different company and position would better suit me, but how often do people hire pure breed back-enders ? not that often, at least not in my country. Everyone has to do everything. And even then, php/sql/sysadmin/devops work doesn't motivate me as much. I need something that would make me actually think.

And so i decided to change my specialty, i'm going to follow my long lived dream - game dev (C++) :)

Oh i know, i'm not naive. I know how difficult and hard it is, but it seems like i've finally matured for it. So i've been waking up at 5 a.m and learning for ~3 hours before work for a few weeks now, and plan to go part-time at my work, after a few months (need to save up some money) for ~6 months, to focus on C++

Then hopefully i'll be able to land a junior position. If not, well, i wouldn't be a problem solver if i let that get to me :)

Fuck this guy who calls himself a fullstack developer after doing a HelloWorld with Node.js and a bit of flex box.
No. Really. Stop with this bullshit.

So I've been looking for a Linux sysadmin job for a while now. I get a lot of rejections daily and I don't mind that because they can give me feedback as for what I am doing wrong. But do you know what really FUCKING grinds my FUCKING gears?

BEING REJECTED BASED ON LEVEL OF EDUCATION/NOT HAVING CERTIFICATIONS FOR CERTAIN STUFF. Yes, I get that you can't blindly hire anyone and that you have to filter people out but at least LOOK AT THEIR FUCKING SKILLSET.

I did MBO level (the highest sub level though) as study which is considered to be the lowest education level in my country. lowest education level meaning that it's mostly focused on learning through doing things rather than just learning theory.

Why the actual FUCK is that, for some fucking reason, supposed to be a 'lower level' than HBO or Uni? (low to high in my country: MBO, HBO, Uni). Just because I learn better by doing shit instead of solely focusing on the theory and not doing much else does NOT FUCKING MEAN THAT I AM DUMBER OR LESS EDUCATED ON A SUBJECT.

So in the last couple of months, I've literally had rejections with reasons like
- 'Sorry but we require HBO level as people with this level can analyze stuff better in general which is required for this job.'. - Well then go fuck yourself. Just because I have a lower level of education doesn't FUCKING mean that I can't analyze shit at a 'lower level' than people who've done HBO.

- 'You don't seem to have a certificate for linux server management so it's a no go, sorry!' - Kindly go FUCK yourself. Give me a couple of barebones Debian servers and let me install a whole setup including load balancers, proxies if fucking neccesary, firewalls, web servers, FUCKING Samba servers, YOU FUCKING NAME IT. YES, I CAN DO THAT BUT SOLELY BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE THAT FUCKING CERTIFICATE APPEARANTLY MEANS THAT I AM TOO INCOMPETENT TO DO THAT?! Yes. I get that you have to filter shit but GUESS WHAT. IT'S RIGHT THERE IN MY FUCKING RESUME.

- 'Sorry but due to this role being related to cyber security, we can't hire anyone lower than HBO.' - OH SO YOUR LEVEL OF EDUCATION DEFINES HOW GOOD YOU ARE/CAN BE AT CYBER SECURITY RELATED STUFF? ARE YOU MOTHERFUCKING RETARDED? I HAVE BEEN DOING SHIT RELATED TO CYBER SECURITY SINCE I WAS 14-15 FUCKiNG YEARS OLD. I AM FAMILIAR WITH LOADS OF TOOLS/HACKING TECHNIQUES/PENTESTING/DEFENSIVE/OFFENSIVE SECURITY AND SO ON AND YOU ARE TELLING ME THAT I NEED A HIGHER LEVEL OF FUCKING EDUCATION?!?!? GO FUCKING FUCK YOURSELF.

And I can go on like this for a while. I wish some companies I come across would actually look at skills instead of (only) study levels and certifications. Those other companies can go FUCK THEMSELVES.

So there it fucking goes.

Hi. I'm WillibertXXIV.
I'm not a programmer by trade; I have a more than fulltime job as a cook. As for the last year, I spent pretty much all my free time, overlapping my sleep time, to learn how to code.

All that so I can create a game that I started working on the same day I started my learning process. So far it's shit and it's going to stay that way for a long time. Only I can say this. It's my baby. It's fucking ugly and shit but it's mine.

Yesterday I broke it. I broke my baby. I don't know how it fucking happe. When I went to sleep I had a steady 175fps, nice realtime lightning and player / enemy that flowed like running water. I worked really hard to make that happened. Profiling, writing better code, profiling, etc. It's still not good, it's less shit.

I woke up, beautiful day. Not too warm, not too cold, that sweet spot right in the middle. Girlfriend already made the coffee. Perfect. Woke up, sat down to start my morning time work before going to my realjob and

BAM

Everything is shit, 20fps max. That one thing, gfx.waitforpresent, showing up in the profiler eating everything as the game run. Movements are now of stroboscopic nature. Light is still ok but what good does it do now fucking piece of shit. I'm not qualified enough for this shit.

Fuck,
Fuck this,
Fuck this shit,
Fuck this shit i'm out of here.

The amount of common sense questions which would require an individual to use their brain and/or a search engine for approximately a few seconds in order to gain the knowledge needed to answer it themselves was TOO FUCKING GOD DAMN HIGH TODAY.

IT CAN REALLY FUCKING PISS ME OFF SOMETIMES.

When you are doing dijkstra every 5 fucking second trying to pass the guy in front of you while walking.

I'm 20, and I consider myself to be as junior as they come. I only started programming seriously in June 2016,and since then, I've been doing mainly Android Work, and making my own servers and backends(using AWS/Firebase nd stuff).
For the first time in life, I was approached by a recruiter for a company on linkedIn. They "stumbled upon" my Github profile and wanted to see if I was interested in an internship opportunity. This company is an early stage start up, by that I mean a dude with an idea calling himself the CEO and a guy who "runs a tech blog" and only knows college level C programming (explaination follows).

So they want me to make the app for their startup. and for that, I ws first asked to solve a couple problems to prove my competence and a "technical interview" followed.
They gave me 3 questions, all textbook, GCD of 2 numbers, binary search and Adding an element to the linked List, code to be written on a piece of paper. As the position was that of an Android Developer, I assumed that Java should be the language of choice. Assumed because when I asked, the 'tech blogger' said, yeah whatever.
But wait, that ain't all, as soon as I was done, Mr. Blogger threw a fit, saying I shouldn't assume and that I must write it in C. I kept my cool (I'm not the most patient person), and wrote the whole thing in C.
He read it, and asked me what I've written and then told me how wrong I was to write 2 extra lines instead of recursion for GCD. I explained that with numbers large enough, we run the risk of getting a stackoverflow and it's best to apply non recursive solution if possible. He just heard stackoverflow and accused me of cheating. I should have left right then, but I don't know why, I apologized and again, in detail explained what was happening to this fucktard. Once this was done, He asked me how, if I had to, I'd use this exact code in my Android App. I told him that Id rather write this in Java/Kotlin since those are the languages native to Android apps. I also said that I'd export these as a Library and use JNI for the task. (I don't actually know how, I figured I can study if I have to).
Here's his reply, "WTF! We don't want to make the app in Java, we will use C (Yeh, not C++, C). and Don't use these fancy TOOLS like JNI or Kotlin in front of me, make a proper application."
By this I was clear that this guy is not fit to be technical lead and that I should leave. I said, "Sir, I don't know how, if even possible, can we make an Android App purely in C. I am sorry, but this job is not for me".
I got up and was about to leave the room, when we said, "Yeah okay, I was just testing you".
Yeah right, the guy's face looked like a howling monkey when I said Library for C, and It has been easier for me to explain code to my 10 year old cousin that this dumbfuck.
He then proceeded to ask me about my availability, and I said that I can at max to 15-20 hours a week since my college schedule is pretty tight. I asked me to get him a prototype in 2 months and also offered me a full time job after I graduate. (That'd be 2 years from now). I said thank you for the offer, but I am still not sure of I am the right person for this job.
He then said, "Oh you will be when I tell you your monthly stipend."
I stopped for a second, because, money.
And then he proceeded to say 2 words which made me walk out without saying a single word.
"One Thousand".

I live in India, 1000 INR translates to roughly $15. I made 25 times that by doing nothing more than add a web view to an activity and render a company's responsive website in it so it looks like an app.

If this wasn't enough, the recruiter later had the audacity to blame me for it and tell me how lucky I am to even get an offer "so good".
Fuck inexperienced assholes trying shit they don't understand and thinking that the other guy is shitsworth.

Sooooo me and the lead dev got placed in the wrong job classification at work.

Without sounding too mean, we are placed under the same descriptor and pay scale reserved for secretaries, janitors and the people that do maintenance at work(we work for a college as developers) whilst our cowormer who manages the cms got the correct classification.

The manager went apeshit because the guidelines state that:

Making software products
Administration of dbs
Server maintenance and troubleshooting
Security (network)

And a lot of shit is covered on the exemption list and it is things that we do by a wide fucking margin. The classification would technically prohibit us from developing software and the whole it dptmnt went apeshit over it since he(lead developer) refuses (rightfully so) to touch anything and do basically nothing other than generate reports.

Its a fun situation. While we both got a substantial raise in salary(go figure) we also got demoted at the same time.

There is a department in IT which deals with the databases for other major applications, their title is "programmers" yet for some reason me and the lead end up writing all the sql code that they ever need. They make waaaaay more money than me and the lead do, even in the correct classification.

Resolution: manager is working with the head of the department to correct this blasphemy WHILE asking for a higher pay than even the "programmers"

I love this woman. She has balls man. When the president of the school paraded around the office asking for an update on a high priority app she said that I am being gracious enough to work on it even though i am not supposed to. The fucking prick asked if i could speed it up to where she said that most of my work I do it on my off time, which by law is now something that I cannot do for the school and that she does not expect any of her devs to do jack shit unless shit gets fixed quick. With the correct pay.

Naturally, the president did not like such predicament and thus urged the HR department(which is globally hated now since they fucked up everyone's classification) to fix it.

Dunno if I will get above the pay that she requested. But seeing that royal ammount of LADY BALLS really means something to me. Which is why i would not trade that woman for a job at any of my dream workplaces.

Meanwhile, the level of stress placed my 12 years of service diabetic lead dev at the hospital. Fuck the hr department for real, fuck the vps of the school that fucked this up royally and fuck people in this city in general. I really care for my team, and the lead dev is one of my best friends and a good developer, this shit will not fucking go unnoticed and the HR department is now in low priority level for the software that we build for them

Still. I am amazed to have a manager that actually looks out for us instead of putting a nice face for the pricks that screwed us over.

I have been working since I was 16, went through the Army, am 27 now and it is the first time that I have seen such manager.

She can't read this, but she knows how much I appreciate her.

I told my TL about my aspiration of pursuing a Masters degree.
TL: "You don't seem like the sort that is suitable for academy."
Me: "You don't seem like the sort who's suitable for management but here we are..."

The floor is Web development

Why the fuck would you assign two new values to the same variable in consecutive lines like that ? I swear this project is driving me nuts. Fuck the dev who wrote this.

You know what I realized we should always say no for demo driven application development.

We should always ask for enough time do a proper development and if its not enough, shouldn’t write a single line.

Because once we deliver a working demo. Its release ready for them because its FUCKING WORKING..

And trying to explain why this is just a demo and cant be put to production is even bigger pain in the ass than saying no in the beginning.

LESSON LEARNED .

Installed Arch. Failed. Tried again. Failed. Went back to Ubuntu. Tried again the week after. Failed 4 more times. Finally installed it correctly. Tried it on my desktop PC and failed 2 more times until I figured it out.

I'm never formatting my hard drives again.

Fuckkk...
I Lost my Android Apk Certificate file.

Worst. Fucking. News. "Your work is going to start getting outsourced. It's only $10/hr in India. Yes your job is at risk. Yes this includes the whole team of 10 people." Fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

Fuck YOU Xcode!

20 crashes since I started working this morning.

Restarted the iMac, same shit.

Cleared NVRAM/PRAM whatever its called, same shit.

Closed EVERYTHING, restarted iMac again, unplugged from the wall, left it few mins, replugged back, turned it on, continued working, AND IT STILL KEEPS FUCKING ME OUT OF NOWHERE.

FUCK THIS, FUCK XCODE, FUCK APPLE, AND FUCK WHOEVER DARES TO THINK THAT ITS A GREAT PIECE OF SOFTWARE, im done.

P.S. this rage got me to a point where i had to make this paper

When a software wants to add toolbars and bookmarks during its installation

I've recently red a blog post stating 'Google leaves x Million Android devices vulnerable to a new Exploit'
I don't really sympathize with Google, but it's simply the wrong message... It should be more like FUCK VENDORS, WHO WON'T SUPPLY UPDATES TO DEVICES OLDER THAN 1.5 YEARS
Seriously, it's them who make you stuck on outdated OS versions... Just imagine you could only install Windows Vista on your 2014 Lenovo ThinkPad, because it's considered outdated...
FUCK VENDORS (again, just in case)

Q: WHO THE FUCK USES EXCEL FOR PROJECT MANAGEMENT?
A: My Product Manager

Excel because she cant wrap her head around using Trello. WHAT THE FUCK!
Some people exist just to make things more difficult for everyone else. Fucking pain in the ass.
This person is one of the most incompetent one I have ever met.

I dont have enough words to express my rage right now.

Why all the hate? Jesus...
I love my Windows 10 laptop, I love my Android phone, I love working in PHP. But I would never, NEVER, think less of anyone who prefers Mac/Linux/iPhone/C#/Python/what-ever-the-fuck

Standard Sunday evening I guess:
I wake up, satisfied that I already did all my tasks for this week and most of the tasks for next week.
5 minutes before I'm heading to bed I get a message from my boss saying he's disappointed that there is this one task I didn't finish yet, because he arranged a meeting with a customer about it tomorrow. Well, you know what you fuck, maybe, just maybe you should begin showing interest for your own company and actually use Jira to assign deadlines so people know wtf to prioritize. I'm so pissed off, I've been working for 4 hours straight this evening now, only to bang my head against the wall and realise I can't finish it since I have to buy a Windows 10 machine to test out some features. Fuck you! Maybe tell me next time you have a meeting about a certain thing. Yes, I could have spent more time throughout the week, and yes, you could learn to fucking communicate and show some care for your own company.
English is not my native language, so I can't really express how furious I am right now. And yes, he's genuinely mad at me.

Recently my company worked in project with a big international company which uses a crazy framework to build a part of there webpage. This framework only used random IDs and class names and not even different html elements. And to completely freak out all elements are positioned absolute and on every change the whole page go rendered.

Been reading devrant posts for a month or so, this is my first actual post. I'm hoping it will be therapeutic. ☺️ I need something to keep me from killing my boss when I see him again tomorrow..

Some backstory: Currently working in HR for the last 7 or so years with complete shit for brains boss, even worse when it comes to anything related to technology. For almost two years I've been working to get another bachelor's degree. This time in computer sciences, to make a career switch to systems and software engineer. Last week I roughly had the following wonderful conversation:

Boss: we've needed new Recruitment software for a while now. Can't you make us one as a school project?

Me: 'Make us one?' It's not really that simple.. I'm barely halfway through my education, maybe I could do it, but it would take me quite a long time even if I could work on it fulltime.. Combining a halftime job with a fulltime education is taking up enough of my time as it is and I have more than enough school projects btw..

Boss: it would be a win-win. Work a little harder in your spare time and when you graduate you have a real-life project on your resume.

Me: I'm sorry, i'm failing to see the 'win' for me here.. I work 10 hours a day, 7 days a week on average, trying to combine work and studies. I'm pretty much maxed out..

Boss: Your coworker(also extreme dumbass) told me you wrote some quick code the other day that helped him out. Don't underestimate yourself, I'm sure you can do this.

Me(in complete disbelief by now): I wrote him an Excel-macro! They don't even teach me that at school. It's a very very very long way from actual software development! I'm sorry, it just can't be done.

Boss: Thats too bad. I expected you to welcome an opportunity like this and be more motivated towards this company..

Me: ***more disbelief and silence, just staring at him***
I'm sorry you feel that way.
***walked away***

WTF, I work my ass off for 7 years for this fucking shithead.. Even before I started this bachelors degree I had at least some understanding of the work developers put in their software. It blows my mind, no, it fucking angers me how people think making software is so simple.. Why do you think it's a 3-year education you fucking cunt?

Please, someone tell me how I can keep myself from ramming his fucking head through a wall tomorrow...

Only 90s kids will remember this:

"Release"

You know that you have fucked up another night when you are browsing devrant and your phone turns off the soft-color-night-mode because the sun has infact rise.

Fuck my life, another fucked up night and following day

"Make it a bit more darker"
Me - "Okay"
"Ummm..a bit more lighter? Sorry, this is such a minor change,I figured it wouldn't need any documentation"
Me - "It's alright"
"Could you please make this text small, and reduce the opacity to 70%"
Me - *Rise in the levels of mental irritation, body's and blood's temperature*
"Oh and don't forget to add some tint to the background"
"Hey, sorry I forgot. We need to add another text below this image."
Me - Oh man oh man

My dad got a job at TD (bank)

We where talking about their computers and stuff. Then we started talking about passwords.

Keeping in mind that this is a bank....
Here is their password rule:

6-12 char long
All lower case
Only letters and numbers

(Passwords are stored on a legacy system)

Why?

Why should I trust that bank??
And also.. how do they expect to be extremely secure??

Allright, I'm pissed.

Warning: more than 4k characters written by a non native english speaker ahead.

Legend:
Storytelling
> Short summary of the current situation
> "Something being said"
> (Something being thought)
* Actions *

-- Background --
In an attempt to reorganize my desktop I accidentally deleted a folder I called "development". In there I stored links to all my IDEs (Not sure how you call these in english), but also some workspaces like unity (Not much stuff there, processing (just some hobby stuff) AND Eclipse (FUCKING EVERYTHING RELATED TO SCHOOL WEB DEVELOPMENT). Now 3 days have passed and I realized this important folder was missing. Cleared that windows trash the instant I deleted the trash on my desktop.

> Shit, Regret

Install a file restore programm. Do every possible search. Nothing found.

> Big shit

Deadline was in like 3 days. Week was fucking rough so:
> "Screw this, the teacher nevet corrects the assignments and also fuck JSP"

Fast forward 2 months to last week. Teacher starts checking assignments.

> Fuck

* Sees pattern: Only students with missing or bad marks are checked. *

* Feels save *

Teacher approaching me while working on current projects.
* Doesn't feel save anymore *
> "Well, I'ld like to see your THAT programm"
> Well fuck
* Tells the truth *
> "Well that's unfortunate, but I must write a mark. Do you really have nothing to show?"
* Remember that I worked on the school pcs when I started *
> (Better than nothing. Gotta try it)
* Teacher checks programm, not pleased *

> (Fuck me, but at least it's over...)

> Nope

* Teacher calls me over *
> "With the mark I had to write today you can't reach that good mark even with a good examination, what are we gonna do about this?"

> "Well, there were other assignments that were never checked. Could we replace that mark with one of those?"

* Teacher agrees *
> (Srly bless this guy for that support)

My best choice was an Android app we had to develop during December in pairs. I did the front end (90% of the whole work) and my partner the backend (10 %). I also did 30 % of these 10 %, because I had to review the shit he wasn't able to debug himself.

> brainlogic.exe provided by windows vista

This distribution was partly my fault since I overestimated the work needed for the backend, but also the fault of that fucker. I mean, he didn't tell me the professor already provided 90 % of the backend...

Rest of the week was really busy (always 1 or 2 things to study for each day, workout and family stuff).

Yesterday (It's past 12 already) I arrived at ~9 pm in the dorm I could finally start reviewing my code.
Internet gets shut down at 10 pm.
Gotta hurry.

* Opens project *
* Sees half a year old code *
* Fights urge to puke *
> (Alright I gotta do this. For the mark!)
* waits for gradle to index files *
* Remembers the fact that I haven't opened Android Studio in the last 2 months *

For those who don't develop with android studio: This is an equivalent to ~10k windows updates waiting to be installed

> (Well, gotta work with this kinda old version)

"gradle sync failed"
> ( Ok, just restart it. You're fine )
* Android Studio doesn't react anymore and/or renders *
* Waits 5 min *
* Restarts laptop *
* Android Studio is reacting again*
"gradle is synching"
9:45 pm: gradle is done and I can finally compile my app

> FML

* Sees App launched on phone *
* Almost pukes again *

> (This was the assigment for the UX chapter, so design doesn't matter)

UX is decent. Proceeds with testing stuff. Save paths work, but some bugs can be caused by going of it

* fixes as much as possible *

* Takes quick look at backend *

Date date = new Date (GregorianCalender.getInstance().getTimeInMillis());

C'mon, I asked you to be the backend. You got 90% of the methods already written by the teacher and had 2 months to write the interfaces to my Front end AND you come up with shits like that.

Note: this example is a minor example of brainlogic.exe

I did what I could to make improve my situation. Hopefully he doesn't discover the bugs. And If it's a backend bug then I could't care less, since that was not my job!

Wish me luck for today!

I am working on a project with a retard.
I am supposed to focus on the mobile apps but the backend guy doesn't know shit about REST.I spend more time teaching him how to serialize data into JSON and telling him not to store passwords as plaintext(He's now using md5 despite me telling him to use bcrypt) than developing the mobile apps am supposed to.
Guess who will be blamed for missing the deadline?
Yea, it's me.
Guess who will get the credits for the backend i am developing?
Yea, it's him.
Fuck!

The single cuntiest error I ever had in one sentence:

Cannot read property 'undefined' of undefined.

Don't you just love it when you're told to redesign something and, when pressed for design scope and specifications, the people involved say "Oh it's all in my head don't worry."

But I do worry. Because I can't read minds yet and designs like that are unusually fickle. HOW IN THE FUCK DO I DESIGN SOMETHING WITHOUT SOME KNOWLEDGE OF ANY DESIGN?!

Fuck old farts trying to enslave us by censoring internet,
fuck socialism,
fuck globalization,
fuck cloud services,
fuck city surveillance,
fuck internet surveillance,
fuck RFID that enslaved animals,
fuck IoT constantly looking at our life,
fuck artificial intelligence.
It’s becoming fucking nightmare.
Time to make tools to fight against technology and people that intrude our life with this shit.
Where the fuck is John Connor ?

For fucking once in my life I decide to go very early to bed so I can be 100% clear in my head for today's meetings. What happens is the following:
1. going to bed at 10pm.
2. Falls asleep relatively fast (yay)
3. Wakes up at 1am
4. Has a major headache and gets dizzy when I get up to go take a leak
5. Grabs a huge glass of water
6. Goes to sleep again
7. Wakes up at 3am with major headache and gets dizzy when I get up again.
8. Grabs another huge glass of water and goes back to sleep.

It's now 4:36am and I'm wide awake, with no headache, and no ability to sleep apparently. F... M... L!!!

The straw that broke the proverbial camels back.

You all know my story by now. Pretty shitty company with assehole boss. So I'm supposed to be off this week, sure I had one or two things left to do but I was planning on doing them this week anyway, just in my spare time

On Monday, I get an angry phone call.

"Why aren't you in? Someone said you're on holiday?"
"Yeah you knew I was, YOU moved my holiday to this week."
"But the Mac's still aren't working, this site isn't completely finished yet and we have this *ridiculous feature* we need by last year."
"I have spent around 8 hours trying to fix the broken Mac's that you ordered but I'm not an Apple technician so I can only do so much. I'm waiting on client approval for the site and that new feature is insanely difficult and I need some time to do it. I can work on it from here sometimes but it's not going to get any easier."
"*clearly very angry* I asked you to do ONE thing while I was away and that's still not done. Work from home this week and finish everything."

At which point I sat there in disbelief for an hour before searching for a new job.

The fucking audacity is unreal. Now I know I should have finished that one feature but I also need time not spent fixing fucking 10 year old Mac's or redesigning fucking leaflets or telling people how to change a gradient in InDesign.

I am already severely underpaid and already give up my evenings and weekends for this shit. I've given up most of my first fucking week off in almost 7 months for it too!

Fuck. No. Fuck this. I'm out. I'm taking a shitty job somewhere else as a junior where I can actually learn and enjoy my fucking job.

My IT team installed Antivirus on my 5 year old Mac Mini due to company security policy after the recent Ransomware attacks.
Now my Mac is slow as fuck. They are not even providing me new Mac, due to budget constraints. Totally fucked.
Fuck Ransomware. Fuck security policies. Fuck my company. Fuck everyone. Fuck everything. 😤

Our teacher recommends us to use the bright (blue) Visual Studio 2015 theme...
...dafuq man, you wanna fry my eyes?

During a recruitment procedure I was provided a IDE to solve some programming questions. The computer had a bunch of fuck all anti virus including avast, mcafee, it stopped every execution and scanned it for like 10sec.
McAfee fucking deleted the program for no reason giving a malicious code alert on a normal c++ program.

I called the sys Admin to inspect, guess what he did.

Fucking uninstall McAfee. Woow.

TIL that my company has an HTML/CSS guy whose only job is to optimize others frontend code and he has a higher pay scale than me.

How the fuck that skill could end up into a legitimate job profile!!!!

Windows

😂😂😂

What is worse than clients? Yeah, you know it now, the answer is coworkers.
But worst than coworkers, there is another category, which is the “exes” (coworkers).

Let’s talk about Jay (fictional name).
This guy is a spaghetti developer who managed to create a CMS in 1998, which is a fucking bug nest. You can’t do anything without having to write code here and there, and the user is not autonomous. Every fucking module has to be rewritten for every website, it’s slow, it freezes, it’s inconsistent structurally talking, not secured (ok we’re talking about 90’s ) and i don’t know how the fuck he managed to sell it to clients and to convince my boss to sell it and finance its development until 3-4 years ago.

I’ve been working on this masterpile of shit and also learnt to summon daemons to make this shit work, but still, writing PHP from scratch would be a pleasant task compared to work with it to be honest.

Anyway, last year my boss asked me to rewrite all the css of our website and I was fine with it, as long as I had The design files available. And this was ok, we work with a designer and she even bought me a Sketch license to open her files. (I have to mention nice people too sometimes).
This SCMS (Shitty CMS) works with less files to be compiled in css and should update automatically, then in the proper CMS windows you should be able to assign styles and shit. And I didn’t talk about the structure. There were at least 400 css classes for 5 pages...

However 2/3 times this shit couldn’t assign any horse fuck to anything, and stuff even broke. I try to adjust an animation, a slider in another page breaks. The developer was like “you don’t know shit” but still, the cockroaches fucker took 3 days per issue, and sometimes it stayed unsolved.

Anyway, after efforts after effort, JavaScript modules ghosting here and there, I convince my boss to change everything and just go on a WordPress.
After weeks of thinking about this (we started “building” the new website in 2015...) he finally discontinued this piece of contemporary art and also started to make clients move to something up to date.

Peace was brought to me... until today.

A client calls and sees that an image slideshow doesn’t work properly on mobile.

Fine, let’s go on the website, doesn’t work; inspect on desktop: JavaScript events to trigger the slide. Library used : moo tools. I have no fucking idea about this but okay, Let’s activate JavaScript on mobile, the fucker still doesn’t work.

Talked about this to my boss, and now he doesn’t want to make them switch and I will have to try to port this to something more modern. Time allocated : 4 hours.

I tried to explain him the fucking hell it is, but still, he wants me to fucking develop a slideshow on this human atrocity.

I’m going to cry and summon a demon to exchange my soul wig I don’t know whatever fucking skill I will need to achieve this.

Saw some cheapie little radio in the dollar store, bought 2 of them for reverse engineering. Powered it from my lab bench power supply as usual, and tested whether it actually works before doing anything else.. then I noticed that the tunes were actually quite catchy, so I just ended up listening.

Then I started to notice that the audio wire I was using (the one I've spent a couple of days building earlier) had intermittent audio issues where the right driver would drop out when the wire was held in certain positions. Oscilloscope probing showed that there was some sort of disconnect, with only the 50Hz noise from the power lines showing up. Opened up the connector and noticed that the ground wire had detached. An 28AWG electrical wire that was inside a jack that was meant for stress relief! Yet the copper strands must've detached one by one regardless. What do I need then, huh?! 18AWG which wouldn't even fit on the connector, only to see the strands in that eventually detach as well?! You know what, let's go fancy.. 1AWG which is meant for extremely high current applications!!

At that point I was literally shouting "FUCK!!! Why does this shit always happen to me?!! ONE FUCKING PROJECT THAT FINISHED SUCCESSFULLY, YET STILL BROKE?!!!! WHY!!!!!!"

Clearly I need some fresh air to cool down. On my way to the fast food restaurant to get some Bicky burgers. More shit, humans. One stupid driver who slowed down on me, which of all things I hate the most. GO FASTER ALREADY YOU SLOWFUCK, AND GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY SIGHT!!! Next a pedestrian with a dog.. I swear motherfucker, if that dog comes anywhere near me I'll personally turn it into fucking fricassee.

Ah and then comes the killer.. in this stupid fucking summer, all that's needed to fix any issue is a fucking stupid DESPACITO, right?! More like DeSPASTICo!! FUCK!!!!

.. Back home, rather tired. So essentially a wire that was specifically built to have high endurance broke on me. Back to Bluetooth I guess.

Why is it that people not in development seem to assume that we have infinite hours to get everything done?

I'm so fucking sick of being given 5,000,000,000 tasks and a day to do them in and when they're not done (even after saying there's no way they'll get done), I'm the one who gets it in the neck.

Fucking management bullshit. I can't be fucking project manager for 5 fucking projects as well as lead developer for them all AND manage office shit AND handle all the fucking tech shit in the office AND keep track of what every fucking other person is doing/wants!

Applies to dev work too..

You guys know the concept of devs giving a time estimation to their project manager, so that he can give a time estimation + pricing to the client, so the PM would leave them alone until the deadline is about to arrive, right?

Well, my PM doesn't.

Today is Tuesday. You friggin' gave the client an estimation of 5 days about this new project, and we started working on the project on Sunday, 2 days ago.

WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU ASKING ME ABOUT WHEN WE THINK WE'LL BE DONE SINCE YESTERDAY THEN?! IT'S NOT LIKE I'M JERKING OFF TO PORN OVER HERE FFS.

I hate this fucking front-end stuff so hard..

How DA FUCK is it possible that I set up the whole backend including DB connection, base controllers, models, base validation and stuff in an hour but don't get this fucking fucking retarded JS framework piece of shit to display a test string after ONE FUCKING HOUR!!!

Why do we need this shit anyway? Why does everything have to be shiny with some fucking animations???

It's about the information, isn't it? Then WHY DOES IT HAVE TO LOOK PRETTY???

I gonna travel back in fucking time to the early 80's!

Stupid front-end shit..

OK, I've had enough of this bullshit!
Why the hell do some people pronounce 'Z' as 'C' !?!
FUCK THESE PEOPLE!

Now, you might ask yourself: "But how is this tech related?".
WELL... I was trying to get into a server and had someone spell the password for me; AND GUESS WHO MISSPELLED THE PASSWORD THREE FUCKING TIMES SO HE GOT LOCKED OUT OF THE FUCKING SERVER BECAUSE OF THIS SHIT!!!
FUCK . FUCK . FUCK . FUCK . FUCK!!!!!

When the client blames a css issue for a decrease in sales.

No you idiot. A missing slider that I removed because it was breaking your site is not causing your sales to drop 30%

Why do we backend people have to be born handicapped for creating anything that doesn't look like absolute shit.

I'm trying to pick a primary color for my landing page for about three days now and I'm starting to lose my shit.

Can we all just start using fucking CLI apps and be done with the whole design thing.

Broken app is broken again. This app is broken so often and so hard, I'm struggling to give a damn.

These fuckers need to take their shitty project, code and managers especially, and launch them into Mars

They blame us and everyone else for their shit and I'm done with it. I need to sleep and not have these fools call me at all fucking hours.

Life is hard when you are a developer

This rant goes to my best friend.

Fuck you!

You do not fucking argue with people for doing what they like! So what if I want to use linux? What fucking problem does that make? Am I now a hacker fanboy for wanting to use a terminal instead of fucking pointing and clicking on shit like a monkey? Am I not allowed to want my privacy and free open-source? What? I shouldn't browse internet without getting my personal info stolen? Oh, they're tracking criminals? Then why don't you install a camera in your fucking living room so you can help them out? And don't fucking get me started on why I don't want to use Windows 10.

Fuck fucking fuck fuck. I know he's a good friend but this fucking shit gets my blood boiling.

Had my pure PHP web app rejected on a market platform because I didn't use a framework..
BITCH IT WORKS PERFECTLY WITHOUT A FUCKING FRAMEWORK, IF YOU WOULD HAVE TESTED IT YOU WOULD HAVE SEEN THAT!

I found the source code of my previous employer

Devops here, Devops there ... Stop with this bullshit, less than half of the guys with Devops on their CV truly are Devops.

Same shits for Fullstack or Scrum Master, and I think I know why.

Because recruiters and companies absolutly ignore what it truly is : "Devops ? That's the new name for sysadmin hipster, believe me we're not hiring Sysadmin anymore but Devops now.".

So now they want more and more people with these profiles.
This is just leading everyone to become what they're not.

Please get your facts straight before fucking everything up.

Hi there,

Hereby I would like to inform you of the following:

FUCK

I hope to have informed you to your satisfaction.

With kind regards,
Me

My PM once inserted test data directly into the dev database [ We do have an admin panel ].

Took screenshots of what was not working properly with the imagined data.

Posted them on the WhatsApp group.

Greets me in the fucking morning with "I WROTE TEST CASES YESTERDAY".

FTW

Thank you sooooo much for giving me a list of six tutorial videos you expect me to record by tomorrow, before I leave the company. It shouldn't be too hard, you say, having never ever gone through any of the processes before. Oh, and this is in addition to the big video tutorial which you asked for this afternoon that you expect by Friday morning. Not to mention the eight separate projects I still need to write documentation for. Oh, and this all would have been much smoother if this company would have given me time to work out all this documentation earlier instead of waiting until after I turned in my two weeks to take documentation seriously.

I guess I'll be lucky if I only have to deal with these things tomorrow. But given your penchant for pulling me off my main projects to deal with bullshit tangents, I bet that ain't going to happen. And I bet you're still going to flood me with calls on Monday morning, as I start my brand new job.

A friend of mine got an account hacked on Crunchyroll. Whenever he tried to login, the website told him that no account with his email existed. As I had two accounts, I tried something real quick. I logged in to the account I'm not using and tried to change the email address to a 10 minute mail. I logged into my own email account patiently waiting for a confirmation email. After 10 minutes I still hadn't received it. So I checked the 10 minute mail, and there it was. I can't describe how furious I got with Crunchyroll at that point. Are you for real? It's that easy? Fucking idiots. I hope the guy responsible for that system dies in a fire with a thousand rubber penises up his ass!

*it’s friday and everything works*
> Commit
> Run my project on monday morning
> Feature doesn’t work
> No clear error message
> Everything’s gone to shit
> Nobody knows how to fix it
> 🙂🔫

One hour later and you come up with this shit? Really Windows?!

I am quitting my job in the next couple of weeks. I don't even have a job lined up. I can't deal with doing Design work as a developer when you have a whole ass design team. Like what the fuck. Then I nearly do development. Oh and your gonna bitch at me when I mess up in design, then threaten to fire me? Well you can shove that shit all up your entire ass. Fuck this Job. I am doing my own thing. I don't care if I become homeless cause Fuck I'll be more happier I did that then be at this concentration camp. I am gonna live my life and own. Cause fuck everything corporate Jobs is fucking life sucking. Please Fire me. I GIVE NO FUCKS ANYMORE. Sick of being depressed and stressed. I want to be a real developer!!!! argghhhhhhhhhhhh

Every fucking wysiwyg editor ever.

I just received this gem this morning.
First of let me start by saying that I am against scammers and all this Nigerian prince crap.
But some of this shit is so bad that it actually pisses me off. My intelligence feels insulted.

Look at this email. These fuckers spent hours perfecting the Hotmail feel to it. The logo, design and even font are in par. As I started reading the shit, the spelling mistakes are so obvious that I wondered; do these nut suckers know that whatever email editor they use, it autocorrects for you? Are they just ignoring the recommendations? I mean they could've even used the "Did you mean" feature in Google. Or any of the freely available grammatical check sites out there.

Think of this as plagiarism. It's bad but a majority of us can appreciate a well planned out one.

I'm yet to encounter a really good scam email that almost had me click their link. There's always an obvious stand out! Is there like a copyright holder to a perfectly well put scam email?!

(And yes, you just read a rant about someone complaining that scammers aren't doing a great job)

It astounds me that people will actually pay thousands of dollars to come to a bootcamp and just fuck around...

Like we will spend an hour going over materials and concept and when it comes time to apply it and build something the kid next to me never knows what's going on! And then always asks me how to do it.

I tried being positive about it and be like hey if I can explain it to him...then that means I really know it!

Fast forward a couple weeks and I'm ready to strangle the kid.

He will sit on his phone playing games the whole time the lesson is going. Then when the lesson is over, put his phone down and immediately ask me how to do it...

The fuck!? Maybe if you'd just listen you'd know wtf you're doing by now you useless vapid brainless twatwaffle!

Windows is drunk...

Me: No that will not work. It wouldnt make any sense.

Client: make it work.

Me: .-. *sight*

I submitted 3 projects to the school this year ..
My teacher didn't look at any of them

I applied for a certain company, they gave me a home assignment.

Sent it to them, and a day later they sent me an email saying there's a bug I needed to fix. I looked at the attached video and indeed there were 2 bugs I needed to take care of.

I fixed them both and fixed another issue no one seemed to notice. It worked flawlessly.

Submitted it to them feeling all accomplished, only to receive another video a day later, including terrible bugs that I've never encountered and that I would never in a million years send to a potential employer.

He must have applied the .patch file on the wrong commit, even after I specifically said he needed to apply it to the original one.

Sent them an email with a video of my own, telling them that I understand, and nevertheless, that I have no idea what they're talking about, since my video shows it's working flawlessly. But this is probably futile, since they already told me it's over after seeing those "bugs".

Fuck this shit.

Fuck floating point inaccuracy.
Genuinely fuck it.

I just decided to do something productive today. Well... Fuck my life

When you have a huge project, and encounter a bug, but don't know where it is, and why it is happening...

So I had to use office and image editing tools on Linux today.
Holy mother fucking god are these things awful. Gimp, pinta, gnome paint, libre office, open office... they seem like a project some guy threw together a weekend in his bedroom. The UX is shite and makes 0 sense. They crash and lag all over the place. For fuck sake!
Also... Gimp, libre office and open office. If you want to make an alternative to a well known product (Photoshop and MS Office in this example) then just fucking copy the god damn UI as much as you can. No-one is going to go learn your fucking half ass product, people only use this shit because it's free and available on Linux.
I swear, I seriously considered sending the images to my phone and just fucking edit them there because it would have been so much easier than using this pile of shit.
Fuck!!!

I can't f***ing focus :'(

This might actually be my first real rant.

Whatever fucking cockgoblin decided that making dynamics GP so fucking confusing needs to suck a big bag of dicks. I'm so fucking tired of having to google every damned table name and column name because nothing makes any motherfucking sense.

Am I supposed to instinctively know what PM20201 does? What data it holds? I don't mind reading documentation. But it's hard to even know where to start when the shitbird API and database are more complicated than calculating orbital fucking decay.

I am done. Fuck you gp. Fuck you and your nonsense. I guess our sales people don't get to know when an invoice was paid.

Me: 3 Years of Android Dev exp in business setting, but no degree

Job: wants 1 year of some Android, but Bachelors required- masters if possible

Me: fuck you, I didnt want to code for you anyway

Fuck life, fuck this society and especially fuck my brain - waking me up at 6 AM and immediately making me burst into tears because bipolar... I mean come on! I can't even sleep anymore?! I know it's hard falling asleep but waking me up just to cry? ...why...

One of those "Fuck this shit, I'm outta here" moments! CEO, in a dying startup wants to go on a 5 day vacation to Mexico while I'm sitting here fixing production bugs! FUCK THIS SHIT BRUH

when you're way too much into coding
*can't even finish a sentence*
*what's the full stop again?*

<rant>why the fuck do live demos NEVER work properly when a day ago the code was fine?? What is this bullshit sorcery!?</rant>

Saw this today...
Why didn't I die before?

So I had to implement something which I didn't know as a part of my internship. What do you think I did?

15 hours worth video lectures in two days :x

Our fucking client wants new feature as hotfix. Like... WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU ?!

After a year not coming back to my hometown, I've never felt the urge to immediately go back to my boarding house after this week at home as "the IT guy"

"The Uncle"

Uncle: hey, I cannot run corel on PC #1

Me: why what changed recently?

Uncle: I replaced the mobo, the last one was fried

Me: o~kay, *goggled, sent some files over from PC #2, PC #1 unable to connect to internet, Unc, does it comes with CD or anything? The LAN driver might has not been installed yet

Uncle: ah it might be in the box

Me: *receives box, facepalm, it's a cheap chinese mobo, Unc, haven't I told you back then to get at least Gigabyte or MSI B150?

Uncle: ah, this one's cheaper,

Me: *okay bye, finish job, back to my PS4

"The Father"

Pops: hey, can you install the download manager thingy, and also the torrent app?

Me: why, what happened with the last one?

Pops: I dunno you check it

Me: ah fuck it, let's see,
*stare~, the fuck's wrong with this monitor?
*click", fuck's wrong with this mouse?
*type, fucking keyboard!
*open new tab, the fuck's with the base url (some shady redirects)?
*random program popping up, the fuck's with this PC?
*went away getting a new mouse, hey pop, your mouse is busted, you should get a new one

Pops: naah, the mouse is fine, I never had any problem using it

Me: yea it's fine aside from the unresponsive movement, stuck srolling wheel, unusable middle click, non responsive right click and the auto double click feature

Pops: naah it's fine, there's no problem with the mouse

Me: yeah" whatever you say, *finish job, back to my PS4

Lucky my aunt has moved far away or I might get 2 of the father episodes back to back, and at least I got some games from the year end sale which is nice

How I feel after unnecessarily deleting my USB stick

My sister needed a "big USB stick" I deleted the contents of my 32gb stick and went to her pc, we started loading her photos on it, I see the 8gb stick and ask her what she needed my stupid stick for

And yes the other one was empty...

there's this club at my school, called STEM, and another called "science olympiad." both are pretty cringey, bad, or boring. science olympiad was just for the college credit. during the intro to the club, they said there was a coding section. "game on!" is what they dubbed it as, where basically you're timed to make a game in scratch. i'm fucking tired of it. why is scratch considered programming? don't get me wrong, i'll write an OS in PHP before i say code.org is better than scratch, but fuck it. its a fucking interpreted language that's interpreted by another interpreted language. i don't understand why this shit is still used. scratch isn't good. please codecademy or w3schools or just write in binary directly, but not scratch. my hand hurts from dragging and dropping, my eyes hurt from the light theme, my imaginary cat committed suicide after learning about scratch's mascot. fuck it. now onto stem club, fuck it too. not for being bad (well, kinda), but for not being more recognized. it should be above science olympiad, and other clubs because you actually have to think instead of just memorize. but alas, we still were offered the choice of scratch to program the robot. sigh. arduino much? i guess not. challenging much? nope. was i elected "leader"? with three of my friends out of the eight there, i could have been, but no. effort in this would be depressing.

Sometimes I think there are a lot of people that just don't deserve a blog.

Headline: "Which supermarket is the best??"

Text: "This bored dude bought butter in two supermarkets, but which one is cheaper??? Click the video to find out"

My dude. You have a fucking blog. You type stuff in it. Write the fucking result in a sentence AND STOP TRYING TO WASTE MY TIME.

So Microsoft, you tell me that there is a known bug, if you have Windows 10 with the newest update installed on a SSD and Apps running on another hard drive?! And this bugs causes random freezes of the whole PC from time to time?

WHAT THE FUCK?!

It is a common setup nowadays to have a SSD with windows 10 and software on other hard drives and you didn't care to check it before releasing the update? Which I HAVE to download and install?

FUCK YOU MICROSOFT!

I finally fucking did it. I left the SoloLearn community for good, if it's even considered a community at all. Let me compile you a list why it is pure crap.

0. They only grant you totally impractical tutorials a few internet searches can teach you as well, maybe even more in-depth

1. Their challenge system is entirely unbalanced. Upon winning a challenge, you get 5 XP, if you lose one you lose 40 XP

2. Their Code Playground feed is filled with shitty pieces of code that do not teach anyone anything

3. Code Playground's intellisense sucks. When a variable name is autocompleted by the user and you press any other button, including on your keyboard, the autocompleted part simply disappears

4. A recent coding challenge was featuring that new Avengers movie where you had to create a web page featuring all Avengers. This is impossible to do for non-web developers like me, while their challenges are "for everyone"

5. The Q&A section is full of posts that are no questions. They use it to share their shitty programming memes and nobody gives a shit that that's completely off-topic

A pretty long rant but it's been worth it every word. Farewell, SoloLearn! Go fuck yourself

Okay, just because I like the OS, doesn't mean that I fully condone Apple.

They now have a constant notification that won't go away unless I enable two factor authentication. But here's the problem: I LIVE IN A PLACE WITH NO CELL SERVICE.

Also, I don't want to recieve a notification every time I open up my laptop!

Apple, why the fuck do you think I encrypt my data? So my disk is secure! I fucking can't have my phone on me all the time, I am not a goddamn teenage white girl! (I am a weeb developer)

SEO analyst (hired by client) sends his inform to client, designer and developer (me) and all it says is: use friendly urls, proper use of h1, h2..., use alt in img tags...

Come on dude! Those are obvious things to any webdev out there who earns his salary. Do YOUR fucking job, do some fucking research and DO NOT dare to tell me page title and meta description are important (Really? No shit genius!) and tell me THE page title and THE fucking meta description... Or...

Fuck off and go find some other victim to trick with your bullshit marketing slang.

You know that feeling when you're coding late at night and you get an error that you just can't parse with your tired brain, and go FUCK IT ALL, FUCK IT ALL

I'm having that feeling right about now...

So there's a new team member in the project (me & him), he's assigned to make the frontend, which is great since I'm so proficient doing back. But he starts by doing backend tasks and the fucking frontend which is the most delayed part of the project is still untouched.

You know that feeling when something works perfectly after hours of tries, and then when you change something completely not related it magically stops?

Fuck you Windows!
It fucking started to update while I had to left for hour! My Gimp project is gone, because it had to bloody update. Someone should sue those assholes. Why Linux can wait for you to update and do it without restarting whole computer?! Is it really that hard to do that? Ohh wait, it's Microsoft!

!rant

I just saw someone write about how much he hates school and it reminded me of all I am about to say:

I go to a fancy private school in my country full of shitheads and idiots that think that they can rely on their parents money for the rest of their lives, are always concerned about the latest trends (yeezys, dabs, fidget spinners... etc) and it just gets on my nerves as I have to live with all that and have almost no friends since I failed my class two years ago, when I sit in school I can't focus on anything the teacher says which in turn contributes to my shit grades and there is nothing I can do about it. I have been diagnosed with persistent depresseive disorderand bouts of major depression and my mom won't accept to give me adequate medication because she says(although this is not always the case) that antidepressants can trigger the bipolar disorder that runs in my family, and on top of all this shit, ever since I was 7 I have been raised by my single mother after my father died (I never tell people that my father is dead usually because I hate the look of pity I get coming out of their faces) and my mother has been screwed over for all her life because she can't make a good decision or call bullshit even if you put a gun to her head.

And what I hate most about all that is that I have no one to talk to because my mom is one of those religious freaks so I can't talk to her about my real deep thoughts, and every psychologist or counselor I have been to has been shit.

And this is just another chronicle of my miserable fucking existence.

Fucking fuck I finish my project and it gets fucking hacked!? Who the hell hacks an Instagram bot?! What the fucking fuck!

So I found this consulting job a while ago thinking that some extra cash while studying would be nice to have.

I meet with the guy, a researcher trying to start a business up, good for him I think, maybe we'll hit it off, continue working, why not? Except he has no clue how to write working code, all he ever did was writing matlab scripts he says, thats why he hired me he says.
Okay, fine, you do your job I do mine.

He hands me the contract, its about comparing two libraries, finding out which one is better suited for his job, cool, plots and graphs everywhere.

Except this is an unpaid job. YOU WHAT?! It's a test job. FINE. At least it'll look good on my resume.

We talk about the paid part where I'm supposed to scale the two libraries, looks good, as expected from an ML engineering perspective. It comes to payment. The dude has no idea how taxes work, says he has a set amount to pay and not a penny more. I explain with examples how taxes are paid, how you get reimbursed for them and so on. Won't budge. Screws me over.

Opens the door for other jobs I think, he'll learn next time I think and take the job.

Fast forward a month, 90% of the job done, he adds a third thing to compare. Gives a github link to a repo with 2 authors, last commit a year ago. There are links to a 404, claiming compiled jars. Fuck.

Not my first rodeo, git clone that shit, make compile, the works. The thing uses libs that ain't in no repo, that would be too easy. Run, error, find lib, remake all the things, rinse repeat.

The scripts they got have hardcoded paths and filenames for 2 year old binaries, remake that shit.

It works, at least I get a prompt now. Try the example files they got, no luck, some missing unlinked binary somewhere, but not a name mentioned. Cross reference the shit outta the libs mentioned on readme, find the missing shit, down it.

Available versions are too new, THE MOLDING NUTCRACKER uses some bug in an old version of the lib.

I give up. Fuck this. This ain't worth the money OR time. Wanker...

Days where some new website is going to production are the worst.

14 hours of pain are finally over. Insanity is close.

FTS.
Finally sleep. Thank you for the overtime, not.

Continuing my last rant:

Bitch now wants some ancient Greek region (mapped as it was exactly), with houses (basically every object that would be in such a house), doors, pickup, objectives, dragging things around, fully functional kitchen, well and river all fully functional. In a month. She upped the price. Now it's 200€.
I'm still laughing.

My manager tracks progress and issues using Excel.
Asks everyone in the team to put feedback on Trello.
I can't even..... WTF

Windows FUCK you, you had one job, one fucking job to update it and you ruined it.
I trusted you even though everybody said don't.
I didnt remove you i dual booted you when everybody said FUCK windows.
I had my data.
I had games.
And you FUCKING ruined it.
And listen:

FUCK WINDOWS. I am switching to linux!

Don't you just love it when backend/website team does changes and no one notifies anyone about it :)

Google rejected two updates claiming app is has the ability to play youtube videos in the background, but the app is more of a dashboard just to let admins view their data O_O

After digging around, it turned out those dudes changed a webpage we were viewing in the app, and included a youtube button, now when you play that video it stays running in the background.

Took me four days to find out that, and only after Google sent us what exactly was violating their policies.

FML :)

I've always felt like a world class programmer after printing a hello world message on screen until now.
People are continuously ranting some technical shit that's completely above my head on devrant.
Fuck you for downing my morale
PS: I'm still in love with it!^_^

What do you call a group of variables that go to a gym? - A training set!!

Anyone else sometimes feel that coding, programming call it what you want. Has taken over their lives and fucked it up!!!

Some times wish I never started this shit. But can't stop, it's like an addiction.

Well, not 9 days into 2018 and my client has run out of money. This year is already off to a fantastic start. Now I need to find another paying gig before bills are due. Wish me luck!

Suck my sweatty balls you cock sucking, brain washed ignorant flat earth mother fuckers. If only evolution was more aggressive, we'd have gotten rid of you in the stome age. But hey you can still choke your crap filled mouths on fucking tide pods you stupid cunts.

If only people would stop bashing technologies just because their news say so.

Seriously every forum I visit, there's always some post saying "fuck technology x, it's ..."

Poor me, a dev, sometimes fails to ignore idiots and replies to such posts. "But it's not anonymous, the government said.."
"it is against god's will, our *insert religious figure here* said..."

Fuck your cock sucking governments!!
It's just like every fucking innovation ever. First religion: I'm not against religion at all, if it's something that brings a person peace of mind... but please keep away from interfering with scientific progress. After all if you're so sure about what you're believing in, there's nothing you should be afraid that science would reveal, no?

Then governments: government? Manipulating people? Feeding brains shit? pfftt when does that happen?
Fuck every cock sucking government.. except you know, tbe good ones I guess :p

If people listened to those ignorant cunts back in the days, we'd still believe we're the center of this whole fucking universe, and that a whale ate the moon every now and then...

And then you find out ignorance is infectious. Ignorants start spreading ignorance, and if enough ignorants believe some shit... the shit becomes the truth.

Can you please fucking read about the thing you're about to ignorantly bash before doing so?

Can you stop listening to news and governments about this crap? If anything it's in your govs best interest to keep you afraid of progress.

I'm literally just talking for the sake of it, It's what rants are for no?

Idk I should probably just ignore idiots on the internet... but there's a limit to how much ignorance and stupidity you can take.

At least we'll never run out of restaurant employees I guess

So accidentally deleted all of the data on my HDD including the OS I was building... But I didn't commit the changes to GitHub so now I'm stuck trying to rebuild it... Fucking cunt!

And now I'm back in a rut of wanting to code but have no idea what to do, all the games I start I end up abandoning

people always complain about semicolons but I don't think I've ever had a semicolon issue cuz of ide's. but I'm plagued by tons of other stupid mistakes, like forgetting to initialize my ArrayList<>'s in java from null to empty..

My trashy Win10 has been updating for the past 1,5 hours.
I want my Ubuntu back 😖😢

"How many time do you need to close this task?"
"Mmh I guess 3 days and half"
"Ow..the delivery is this evening, is that a problem?"

Dude. Seriously, what the fuck!

So I'm approaching a 8 year anniversary working in IT and this feels like the first time needing to do a serious rant.

Today I've come across some code (infact just a single line) written by another company that is so fucking fundamentally stupid that they should be banned from writing any code ever. Like holy fuck.

This is textbook examples of shit never to do ever in any fucking environment or intranet/extranet etc. What the fuck. The fucking muppetry involved in this. This is what they teach novice programmers - you see this code written 20 years ago? Never fucking do this. You see this company that went bust 10 years ago? It was because of shit like this. Never ever write code like this or your 90kg ass will be thrown 300m by the greatest medieval fucking siege engine ever created after we throw you through the catastrophic gaping hole in time and space that your line of code just created.

Fucking fuckity bye.

Was an aspiring 2nd grade student then, still a newbie in databases and stuff.

Managed to work with bossy motherfucker who didn't give a flying fuck about proper management, team culture, job roles and everything and treated people like shit.

The big boss wanted me to develop the ecommerce website that integrates with 1c (complete and utterly garbage buggy ass dbms with RUSSIAN SYNTAX, nuff said) and with its own crm to track every employee and even real time chat. He also wanted it to be a kind of online medical wikipedia. And he wanted me to take a professional photo of each and every fucking item for this website, somewhere around 5 thousand photos.

He offered me around 800 bucks for all that job. No, not monthly. He wanted me to do all that shit alone, for 800 bucks and expected it to be up and running in less than two months.

Gently told him to fuck off. Quit that job the same day.

Made an Android app a while ago. I needed some pet project so I decided to go with Java for Android. First time, no experience at all.

So everything went ok, I had a little help from a colleague, structuring code, and pushing to the store. Work done app was doing ok.

A year later I came back to this project. I needed to fix a bug - date time and daylight savings crap. 😥

Spent a week on it. Ready to push a new version to the store, with some extra features! Build apk. All good.

Wait. I need to sign the APK? Wtf. I had to format my hard drive. How do I recover my fucking certificate?

*Google's for a while*

No fucking way. I can't restore the certificate. Or get the keystore back. The solution is to create a new app with a brand new package name?

Thanks for nothing, I'm done with Android development.

when company releases a new hardware and decide to ditch and remove all documentation and software required for the previous model, it's a great reason to ditch the fuckin bastards and buy a competitors product.
oh wait, they went down 3 years ago as well

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

!rant GOD FUCKING DAMN IT!

I failed at a dating sim, how the fuck did I fail at a dating sim? They're designed to make you feel love and romance or some shit like that! The girl got hit by a car, almost died, got amnesia, forgot all about me and then presumably started dating me, but I don't know CAUSE THE FUCKING GAME ENDED!

*sigh* I have work to get back to.

We are at the end of the school year, at least in France.

This is my recap of this shitty year.

My school try to teach programming, and that’s just a try.

Some of the dudes do not event know what a variable was.

For a second year university diploma, they don’t teach OOP, no Git, no DP, no JS, no clean code or whatever.

So at the end of the year, you’ll be able to code in procedural, no versioning, spaghetti code and a big mess in folder structure, lack of interactivity because of poor JS knowledge.

Well a codebase which makes you crying blood, literally.

And that’s what a second year university diploma ...

Fortunately for the most curious there’s so much to learn out of the school but, damn, why are some schools so retarded ?
For almost 8k€/year you just receive a piece of paper and you’re still a shit in your *suppose to be* job.

I hate when people call any sort of program that does anything even remotely intelligent looking “AI.” No, there is a very specific distinction between actual artificial intelligence, and a bunch of if-statements.

Microservices is a buzzword and everyone is using it to modernize their company and themselves.

Add a cloud in the context and boom, you are equivalent of some Tech gaint.

Well then, if you say so why don't you implement or try to implement in proper way. Use the right tools, "opensource" if you have heard of it has a ton of stuff right for the job.

But no, all you do is write the same old services in Java, put a label of "cloud native" and stick it out so proudly that clients think "oh a new shiny thing".

Putting out poster of "Immediate job requiment for Microservices" and staring blank when the candidate tries to explain how the Microservices work, but you know only about EJBs and you are sitting in interview room wondering what he is really talking about. I dint hear a single word of Java because that is all I know. Then finally rejecting the candidate because he dint say EJB in the interview.

The point is, some shit people don't want to improve themselves nor let anyone improve. Fear of being replaced by a younger generation of developers has plauged the seniors in ways no one can think of.

Dev: We need to design for mobile first bc of important UX and UI reasons. Also, we should avoid using things like tables, bc they don't scale well.

Design: Oh yes! Definitely! I've been reading on UX and went to a conference and everything!

...the next day the dev receives a desktop design. That's it. Just a desktop design of a table with six headers...

Dev: Hey, Design, remember our discussion yesterday? Yeah, we really need a mobile mock bc you'll notice the tables won't work on mobile.

Design: Oh yeah, no prob! I'll send it over.

...dev receives a "mobile" mock, i.e. tablet size, with the table still in it.

Dev: ... (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

The new regime our PM took on this morning with a newly hired, and still mentally sound dev.

"We will solve bugs for an hour everyday"

FTW

Rant

I'm tired of this shit!!!

First I receive a task to create a new functionality for the app that I'm working on and some documentation (this is the only good part of all the rant) but no design.

It's been 2 weeks since I got assigned to this and still no design, no assets, no API calls that ACTUALLY WORK.

Today was testing a plist to get a banner link, and for 1 hour that little fucker didn't returned the image I was asking.

Better, I wasn't getting ANY IMAGE. Turns out that the link sends me to a HTML URL that doesn't have any image... go figure!

So I've been working on this from some images inside the PDF with the documentation given.

Oh! Wait! There's more!

The cherry on top is that I'm implementing a chat/voice call/video call into the app and the framework that I will be using is being created now, and it's not even finished!!!!!!

Motherfucking stupid windows 10.

Wanted to try out cortana with all features after disabling it via regedit.
So naturally I created a Microsoft account and linked my user to it. Of course I used a random password generator and saved it in a passwort vault.
Then an update happened, I restarted my computer and guess what this stupid piece of SHIT garbage software did?
It prompted me to enter my password. Not the password I had for my local user BUT THE MOTHERFUCKING 15-DIGIT RANDOM PASSWORT GENERATED AND NOT EVEN VIEWED ONCE FUCKING SHIT!!!
Did they even ask if I wanted that? No they fucking didn't. Did they WARN ME? NO. NO THEY FUCKING DIDN'T.

That's the last straw. I'll kick windows down the garbage bin where it belongs and programm my own AI with open source software.

I hate how the IOS developer of our team gets all the recognition for an app we made just because the manager has a bloody iPhone, even though I did the entire backend and Android app.

15 min Java Coding Challenge - Reverse Words in a String on YouTube.
My eyes are bleeding.

There is an nerdy socially retarded IT head. He asked me to look into a project after the programmers left the company. Basically he gave me a list of modification with one particular screenshot of Calendar( seems like a JQuery plugin) and asked me to develop it.. I asked him to give me the link from where he got the Calendar... No fucking response in Skype.
So after a month he asked me to show the project, I showed him with the Calendar similar to picture and no functionality. He said it was CRAP. I asked him to give me proper documentation as what he expects and what he wants.
BUT FUCK NO. HE SAYS, "ARE YOU A JUNIOR CODER? DO IT WITHIN A WEEK OR WE ARE DONE. "
And I am here keeping myself in control not to punch him. he lives nearby my house wondering if he lives alone 😂

Fuck this shitty C ecosystem! Multible compilers, one standard complying, one hacked toghether? Only one GPL poisoned standart library, with no real chance of switching it, which prevents me of making staticly linked programs? And then there is microsofts compiler, with fucking ANSI support. Thanks. No dependency handling. Concurrency? pthreads. Are you fucking kidding. JSON? Have fun finding something static. Compile times where you can read entire books. Segfaults without one helpful info, so you have to debug with prints. And every library, every tool, installer, compiler, stdlib, anything is poisoned by GPL. But hey, its fast. And efficient. After you spend many slow and inefficient months developing something. I am so done with this shit.
Well.

Tommorow i will continue working with C on my backup project.

Did i mention that the stdlib has no features? Not even threading? Which is IN THE STANDARD?

Bloody Fucking Managers !!!!

Few Months Back...
Manager: Innovation we need Innovation.
Me: What's the process?
Manager: You give idea >we give you people > they do all the work !
Cool right ?

Present situation :
I have given them 5-7 ideas. I am programming for all of them. When I ask for help -- we will see... After the programming is done its working. I need make the documents etc. Everyone uses the tools. I get to be the sucker !

That moment when a scheduled ALL DAY MEETING turns into a "non paid" day. Because the asshole cancelled the moment the meeting started.

Fuck this shit!

When you're mentally debugging a module and you have an intuition about the point of failure.
So you start mentally tracking variables, going down functions calls, moving from one class to another until finally you reach that one line of code that you feel is getting the wrong parameters.
You substitute in the 10 different variables you have been mentally tracking and find out that...
THE LINE OF CODE IS GETTING THE CORRECT PARAMETERS, AND IS FUNCTIONING AS IT SHOULD.

fuck.

Sooooo.....
I just spend roughly 5 hours trying to get a Laravel Homestead up and running. Constantly jumping from one error to the other, getting nowhere.

Turns out that,
...
...
I NEVER FUCKING GENERATED A BLOODY SSH KEY
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME
AN ENTIRE DAY WASTED
JESUS CHRIST

I swear, I'm way too junior for like 95% of this shit....

BITCH THE APPLICATION WORKS PERFECTLY FINE!!! ITS NOT MY FAULT THE DATA YOU GAVE ME WAS FUCKED UP LIKE YOUR BLOODY FUCKING FACE YOU SHIT HEAD COMPUTER ILLITERATE IN THIS DAY AND AGE SON OF A BITCH

I was just listening to Last Week Tonight with John Oliver on YouTube while brushing my teeth and tried to adjust the volume on my phone but instead accidentally locked it. Then the fingerprint scanner refused to open the phone again, so I turned it the right way around, accidentally removing the electric toothbrush from my mouth in the process, spraying toothpaste and saliva all over my screen like a giant fan.

When I finally unlocked my stained phone, how did YouTube react to my blood being ready to boil?

“Wish videos kept playing even when you close the app? Try YouTube Premium for 12,99€ a month.”

I wanted to drop my phone into the bog and walk away singing Fucked With an Anchor.

*2am on a Friday*

Me: installs parrotsec to docked HDD with plans to transfer to my mobile pentest rig (a cheap Latitude with a Core Duo)

Me: forgets to change location of GRUB installation to external drive

Me: *boots up my MBP*

Mbp: your boot volume is corrupted, attempt GRUB rescue?

Me: shit

FUCK THE NS (Dutch train company)!
Because of this storm were having, all trains in the entire country are cancelled. So now I'm stranded in some LITTLE SHITHOLE STATION and I already have been waiting for more than an hour. They expect that trains will start up again IN 2 HOURS!

So now I will probably miss the assessment for my programming test for my study.

FUCK ME!!!

Why the fuck these managers can’t understand that you can’t build a full blown system with in a week. After building a demo driven application to show the client you can tell the client we are fucking ready to launch the damn thing . I FUCKING MENTIONED BEFORE GOING TO THE MEETING ITS NOT RELEASE READY GOD DAMN IT.

Now when I say we can’t launch this app we need to fix things . THE FUCKING MANAGER HAS THE GUTS TO SAY “one day is enough to fix the issues right ? Shouldn’t be a big deal for you to fix this” .

Kill me now 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬

I once thought that developing on WordPress was cool and easy. Now I see that it's a total abomination.

No more WordPress job for me. I'm gtfo.

YOU CAN'T, POSSIBLY, BE SERIOUS WITH ME! FUCK, FUCK IT ALL!

THOSE DAMN ENGINEERS WITH A DEGREE AND ALL CAN'T PUT A FUCKING IF IN THE DAMN CODE!

I'M RESTARTING THE DAMN THING, I DON'T WANT AN UPDATE! FUCK! UPDATE THIS SHIT WHEN I HIT THE SHUTDOWN BUTTON AT LEAST!

So today it finally happened.

Npm modules broke my system and / or endangered the security of my system.

Installed a global cli utility
That utility depends on package A
That depends on package B

That fucking install a bin called sudo

Yeah.. You heard it right a bin called sudo.

This bin goes in the global module folder that is piped in your path variable.

Now everytime you type sudo you are running somebody else code instead of your system utility.

I am shivering and at loss of swear words.

Opened an issue on the cli that started this matrioska game of horror.

Who the fuck tought that a bin called sudo would be a good fucking idea?

Oh and yes is even an harmless package that try to provide the sudo experience for windows (I went in to check the code of course..)

And I frigging need that cli for work

For now I aliased the sudo in my bashrc still i feel vulnerable and naked now.

tl;dr
I am either the most responsible or the biggest idiot in the team

----------

TODAY.. oh boy.. fuck today. Like literally tuck this day and this shit. We ware doing releases for an integration we ware working on for ~1.5 months ... Aaand things went wrong - I guess we didn't make a sacrifice to the release gods - finally at around 8:30pm, being pretty much the last in the whole fucking office after a few last minute fixes I get my skinny ass on my way to grab a Corona and enjoy the public holiday tomorrow ...

Aaaaand I wish that was it, it turns out some things ware forgotten by.. well everyone aaaaand shit doesn't work (ofc ffs, why should it).. I see a slack notif and the feeling of dread gets me a couple of messages back I promise I'll be there in a couple of hours tops..and here I am ranting doing shit covering my desk with "food", hating my fucking self...

Me and the Head of Dev are literally the only ones working ATM...