My wife wants me to learn another language. I told her I was already fluent in half a dozen languages, and decent at ton more.

Apparently computer languages don't count...

Used to work for a company that used asterisk for telecommunications.

Boss asked me to quickly change the call charge costs effective immediately. Finished 3diting. Went to piss. Some douche from sales came and pressed asdffggkl into the code, went down 50 lines and left it there.

Got back. Saved the code, pushed through live without testing.

Get a call three minutes later asking what the fuck did I do. There were already 450 call tickets from clients moaning they couldnt call.

So I went and checked the file I pushed. Tested it. What. Line 460 asdffggkl? What the fuck.

Removed it and boom it worked.

Got called in and said I cost the company four times my salary. Said it wasn't me, I wouldn't make a mistake like that. Told him that it was my fuck up for leaving my pc open, and that it probably was best to lock the screen.

Said I'm lying. Pulled the fucking camera footage and there was the fucker changing my code.

I got pardoned, he got a warning (just a warning). For 15 Min, I thought my ass was fired.

Will never make that naive mistake again.

I so hate the following statement
if (condition)
makeOperation()

I prefer
if (condition) {
makeOperation()
}

Who is with me?

Web security checklist:

https://troyhunt.com/reckon-youve-s...

Don't forget to bleach your eyes after reading...

Udemy is having a sale. Offering lots of courses for 10$ only. Thought it'd be okay to share with fellow developers eager to learn new stuff.

HR: why you want to work with us.

Me inside: you stupid, because you need my skills and I need your stupid money, stop reading articles about stupid interview questions.

Me: because I love to work on such amazing environment, and I really love the technology you're using.

Hmm...

Let's​ get things done :v

I need new friends.

Me: Just Google it..

Friend:
Opens browser (home page is some ad-riddled crap)

Types "Google" in address bar

(Google search page opens)

Clicks first result (google.com)

Types search query.

Me: 😶🔫

D3aR Pa55w0rd, i'm 1n5ecur3 t00

And now i'm feeling guilty every time i call new Guid().

I tried to learn Java by watching tutorial videos on YouTube. After falling sleep on chapter 3, the next day I started programming in JavaScript.

Don't ask how, don't ask why.
And yes, I thought that Java and JavaScript was the same... For about 5 minutes until finding StackOverflow.

Good times.

Worth an experiment 😀😂

Decided to try something new today. I think they call it... sunshine?

"On two occasions I have been asked, ‘Pray, Mr. Babbage, if you put into the machine wrong figures, will the right answers come out?’ I am not able rightly to apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas that could provoke such a question.'" - Charles Babbage

HTTP response code cheat sheet
(From /r/Programmer humor)