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Search - "hr"
HR: How many years you've been developing on Android ?
Me: Two years, with many projects on my own.
HR: So, you're familiar with Android Studio?
Me: No, I've been using "Paint" to code.35
Real HR policy ...
HR Manager in Heaven!!!
One day while walking down the street a highly successful HR Manager was hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was greeted by God himself.
"Welcome to Heaven," said God. "
"Well, What we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in."
"Actually, I think I've made up my mind, I prefer to stay in Heaven", said the woman.
"Sorry, we have rules."
And with that God put the HR Manager in an elevator and it went down-down-down to hell.
The doors opened and she found herself stepping out onto the hell wt beautiful golf course. And a country club and standing in front of her were all her friends - fellow executives that she had worked with and they were well dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her. they talked about old times.
She met the Devil who was really a nice guy and She was having such a good time that before she knew it, it was time to leave.
Everybody waved goodbye as she got on the elevator.
The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and found God waiting for her.
"Now it's time to spend a day in heaven," he said. So she spent the next 24 hours around on clouds and playing the harp and singing. She had great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up and God came and got her.
"So, you've spent a day in hell and in heaven. Now u must choose ur eternity,"
The woman paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought I'd say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better time in Hell."
So God escorted her to the elevator and again she went down-down-down back to Hell.
When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends were dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks.
The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her.
"I don't understand," stammered the woman, "yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable."
The Devil looked at her smiled and said:
"Yesterday we were recruiting you, today you're an Employee".😁😁😁
☝dedicated to all companies9
What. The. Fuck. Did. Just. Happen.
A random girl followed me on social media. She looked nice and intelligent so I followed her back.
Started to chat about some random stuff. She told me she works at the HR department of an international company and asked me what's my job. Told her I'm a software developer.
Right after that she sent me a selfie. Obviously I said she looks nice, she thanked it and asked some more about my job. After a short discussion I received another selfie but somewhere in between she lost the outer layer of her clothing.
She still looks nice but now I'm sitting here utterly confused and cant tell whether it was my sarcastic humour and moderately handsome facial features which charmed her or she just needs to recruit someone for a new project and willing to do everything to reach the quota.69
Reinventing the wheel can be very valuable. Even if you don't create a better wheel, you'll learn a lot about how it works, which can really help you out in the long term.15
HR Lady: we saw your profile and we think it fits what we're looking for, I just need to know what you use for front-end programming
Me: I use ReactJs, AngularJs and for backend NodeJs
Me: ... (unhandled exception in my head)
HR Lady: oh! ok.16
HR: I need a Kotlin guy to fix something quick (in a room with 7 people)
First Koltin guy: I can do it tomorrow, I have a delivery today, maybe he can do it? (me)
HR to me: you a Kotlin guy? Can you do it?
Me: yeah sure, what is "it"?
HR: ffs don't ask too many questions, "it" is Kotlin, can you do it?
Me: ok fine, what team? project? who do I need to speak to so I can get details?
HR: omg you ask so many questions!! Fuck it I'll ask someone else!
Me: How am I supposed to fix "it" if I have no idea what "it" is?
HR: leaves the room
Fucking useless piece of shit!30
This is when writing a script that sets up your dev environment pays off...
Having 6 new employees join our startup. The script installs pretty much all dev tools and apps as well as sets up the device management profiles. 😎27
(Me using the CMD in class)
Schoolmate: What are you doing?
Me: Using the CMD, it makes stuff really easier.
Schoolmate(loudly): *MY NAME* is hacking the schooooool.
Ignorant idiots now I am not allowed to use my laptop in class anymore.28
Brain: hey kiddo, want to stay home and work on your side project today? I'm feeling good.
Me: fuck yeah finally!
*call in sick.
*open laptop. Tabs and editors already waiting.
*play music, no sound.
*system is all laggy.
*Installing windows updates...
*leaves for work.18
Pm: Can you make a prototype in 3 weeks?
Me: Sure, but just for the sake of demoing something to the customer. It will take more time for production ready code.
(3 weeks later)
PM (to customer): We can sign you up today and you can use it tomorrow.
HR people working in tech companies, let's talk about them...
*phone rings and I pick up*
HR Lady: Hi, this is [name] from [company]. I'm calling you regarding your application you submitted [some date 2 months ago!].
Me: *realizing that I've applied 2 freaking months ago* Hmmm OK....
HR Lady: Yes, well, we asked for your GitHub account, but you seem to have forgotten to provide it.
Me: *open up the email and see that I've sent them my GitLab account* Well, I have the email right here and I did send you a git account. I mean, it's not GitHub specifically but it's a GitLab account, pretty much the same thing, you should be good with that.
HR Lady: OK, let me put you on hold for a minute.
*2-3 minutes passes*
HR Lady: Hi sir, I've asked my colleague [which I suppose is another HR] and he told me that they're not the same thing, we cannot proceed until you give us the right link, you need to send us a link to your GitHub account.
Me: I mean, they aren't the SAME EXACT thing, but both companies provide essentially the same service, it's like Messenger and WhatsApp. Look, I'm pretty sure that if you give this to another programmer they'll be fine.
HR Lady: No, Messenger and WhatsApp aren't the same thing. Sir, please stay polite. We need a GitHub account not a GitLab account.
Me: *mumbling* Oh boy.... M'am, it's OK, I don't need the job anyway, I've found something. Two months is a long time and I needed something quickly. Thank you, have a good day.6
My experience with Adobe...
(I recently moved to Canada)
Me: I want to give you money. (Tries to pay with Canadian card)
Adobe: Sorry, you have a US account, you must use a US card.
Me: Okay, what are my options to pay with my Canadian card?
Adobe: We have to delete your US account and create a Canadian one.
Me: Okay... Why can't you just switch the country from US to Canada on my account?
Adobe: *bullcrap response*
Me: Okay, delete it and transfer everything.
*Kicks me out of the chat.
*I log back in. Try to reconnect to customer service chat.
Adobe: AdobeID unable to participate in chat.
*I'm 30 minutes into this ordeal
Me: (to myself) I could literally torrent this program in 5 minutes 🤔
Lesson: if a company wants people to not torrent their software make it easier for a willing fucking customer to buy your software!
Since the chat doesn't work anymore, I called customer service and am still on hold.... 😤😤😤
Why does the internet have borders?16
Time to apply for dev jobs!
Good thing HR is fair and just!
"I'm sorry but you're not qualified. The programming language we use is listed last on your resume."
Welcome to HR Hell ladies and gentleman.2
Css is most definitely a woman who's mad at you but won't tell you why.
"What's wrong? what did I do? "
When someone tells you they're a programmer and you ask them what language they use and they say,
When your -non programmer- friends ask you to build an mmo for them..
IT'S NOT THAT SIMPLE!
And they don't understand 😤10
HR girl sent a generic email with the job description and benefits of the company but forgot to set it as BCC.
Not 3 minutes passed that all the 73 recipients of the mail (me inlcuded) start replying to all making jokes about it, ranting about HR in general.
An hour later we created a Facebook page called "not-BCC guys" where we keep us posted about opening positions in our companies to bypass future HR hunting interactions.1
Fucking HR cunts. I found a nice computer vision vacancy and decided to apply, look what these motherfuckers require :
- Amazon Web Services
- Spring Boot
- Web Sockets
- Grafana - Prometheus
- Java EE
- Graph QL
FUCK OFF FUCK OFF FUCKING FuCK OFF you monkeys. Shove your vacancy up your ass.
Another vacancy, another instance, I'm going to apply at employers site, (they sell some sort of CRM crapshit) forms not working, bc not fucking connected to anything. Just a fucking HTML and JS popup notification for submission laying around with its legs wide spread. Like its copied from w3schools or something.
Looked more on the site it is fucked from all sides like it's made by a school kid.
So I fired an email to the HR, something like "I went to apply but your forms are not working, I found the issue, it's that. Also I found some glory holes in your site, hope your I.T. finds them too. Anyways here is my CV, have a nice day"
Day later I'm shortlisted.36
HR: How many years you've been developing on Xamarin ?
Me: Three years, with many side projects
HR: So, you're familiar with C#?
Me: No, I've been coding in "hieroglyphs".12
HR: Sorry, we're a family here but we have to let you go.
*DELETE FROM employees WHERE 1=1;*11
Handed over my keys and computer to my boss a moment ago and left the office for the last time. Spent 3 years there, and most of the people there came with me from my previous job I spent another 3 years at.
Feels heavy to leave a bunch of great people.
Two weeks until I start my job as a developer at a game company though.
Took me 6.5 years of work to finally get there.
And I won't lie, some stickers on my new work laptop would not be a bad thing.3
I'm building a website for a new company and the boss doesn't understand technology at all. says he doesn't want me using any html because it is old and I have to use python because it's a 'hot language.' I try to explain that html is for websites and he replies 'not mine.'19
I swear watching the dumb kids in my CS class programming and asking me why it's not working and blaming the computer is like, you know that toy every kindergarten had where you put the shapes in its hole in a box,yeah it's like watching them trying to RAM A FUCKING SQUARE INTO THE DAMN CIRCLE! 😤2
Everything was going fine in the Interview, then:
Company X's HR: "So if you are selected in both X and Y, which one would you choose 😊?"
Me: 🤔🤔🤔 Long deep thoughts...
HR: "😒 I know your answer is X, But why X 😑?"
Me: Oh.. X! Hmm.. 🤔🤔
If you are sitting for X's interview, you have to always choose X with no lag, even if Y= Google.
All well; Ends Well: Placed in Y👍
PS: Here, X, Y and Me are real-life entities.14
Sooooo me and the lead dev got placed in the wrong job classification at work.
Without sounding too mean, we are placed under the same descriptor and pay scale reserved for secretaries, janitors and the people that do maintenance at work(we work for a college as developers) whilst our cowormer who manages the cms got the correct classification.
The manager went apeshit because the guidelines state that:
Making software products
Administration of dbs
Server maintenance and troubleshooting
And a lot of shit is covered on the exemption list and it is things that we do by a wide fucking margin. The classification would technically prohibit us from developing software and the whole it dptmnt went apeshit over it since he(lead developer) refuses (rightfully so) to touch anything and do basically nothing other than generate reports.
Its a fun situation. While we both got a substantial raise in salary(go figure) we also got demoted at the same time.
There is a department in IT which deals with the databases for other major applications, their title is "programmers" yet for some reason me and the lead end up writing all the sql code that they ever need. They make waaaaay more money than me and the lead do, even in the correct classification.
Resolution: manager is working with the head of the department to correct this blasphemy WHILE asking for a higher pay than even the "programmers"
I love this woman. She has balls man. When the president of the school paraded around the office asking for an update on a high priority app she said that I am being gracious enough to work on it even though i am not supposed to. The fucking prick asked if i could speed it up to where she said that most of my work I do it on my off time, which by law is now something that I cannot do for the school and that she does not expect any of her devs to do jack shit unless shit gets fixed quick. With the correct pay.
Naturally, the president did not like such predicament and thus urged the HR department(which is globally hated now since they fucked up everyone's classification) to fix it.
Dunno if I will get above the pay that she requested. But seeing that royal ammount of LADY BALLS really means something to me. Which is why i would not trade that woman for a job at any of my dream workplaces.
Meanwhile, the level of stress placed my 12 years of service diabetic lead dev at the hospital. Fuck the hr department for real, fuck the vps of the school that fucked this up royally and fuck people in this city in general. I really care for my team, and the lead dev is one of my best friends and a good developer, this shit will not fucking go unnoticed and the HR department is now in low priority level for the software that we build for them
Still. I am amazed to have a manager that actually looks out for us instead of putting a nice face for the pricks that screwed us over.
I have been working since I was 16, went through the Army, am 27 now and it is the first time that I have seen such manager.
She can't read this, but she knows how much I appreciate her.5
Apparently "Want to meet my rubber duck?" is an acceptable phrase only in the developer community.2
I hate how people think that to be a "hacker" or hacking is this special job title. lol. Hacking is just using something in a way in which it was not intended to be used.
So pretty much think ...anal sex.
There. Now many people are "hackers"6
HR: why you want to work with us.
Me inside: you stupid, because you need my skills and I need your stupid money, stop reading articles about stupid interview questions.
Me: because I love to work on such amazing environment, and I really love the technology you're using.5
Today is my last day in hell. I have next week off and then i start my new and significantly better payed job.
As usual i have to get the final paperwork over with and surrender my equipment. Yesterday i get an IM from the person in charge of equipment notifying me that I also have to come in Monday because the she's not there on Friday and I can't finish the procedure without her signature.
Ok. Sure. So i sent an IM myself notifying that I won't be in today since I've been called on Monday and i won't be using my own time because no one ever delegates.
I got a reply saying that it's abnormal to procede this way because if anything happens to me today the firm is acountable and when I asked "So, if something happens to me on Monday, when i'm on my own fucking time, that IS PERFECTLY ALRIGHT ISN'T IT?"
The reply was Yes. 😂😂😂😂
Needless to say, I'm relaxing at home right now and will be going on Monday to finish up.
God I'm glad that i'm leaving this shithead company!!!13
-non programmer- friend sees me programming..
"Omg are you hacking?!"
I think it's because of the dark theme.. 🤔😂
QA: Please Look at this Defect.
Me: Okay not a problem!
Me: <Starts to look at Defect>
QA: 2 mins later. Do you have an ETA on when it will be fixed?
Me: Not yet, I'm still looking at it.
QA: Do you know what time it can be fixed? I have a deadline.
Me: I don't know what's wrong yet, I can't tell you when it will be fixed if I don't know what's wrong.
QA: Okay. Update Me.
Me: Opens Dev Rant.5
Fucking HR interviews. Fucking "tell me about yourself" and pretending to seem interested in what i have to say while you think about how you did it with a guy behind the dumpster.
For fucks sake, i am a developer, i have spent more time with coding language than human language. I speak more to a rubber duck than to my friends. That's what you want to know about me?
I am here to fix your fucking site that uses flash plugin in 2017 and you want me to tell good things about your company?
Do you want me to tell you the details about your site that i got from whois and that your subscribed domain registration will end in September this year?
You don't know what responsive design is and you dare interview me?
Thanks for wasting my time and telling me shit about your company and how you have offices in germany and china. Well guess what? I dont care. I am busy thinking about some girl... Actually i am thinking about my side project. I dont know why i pretend to be cool?7
Enough is enough!!!
I just received an email from HR because "Your not supposed to work that much as a trainee! Your should study at home"
WELL THANK YOU, BUT DID IT EVER COME TO YOUR MIND THAT I MIGHT ACTUALLY BE WORKING?!
I just wrote back that I have tons of stuff to do, and that they can talk to my boss if they want me to work less.
So to sum up:
I solve problems and get screamed at by HR in return?
IT FUCKING GREAT11
I... I can up vote a post? Without having at least X points? Psh, this place is way better than Stack Overflow.3
So apparently my official title is Full-Stack Developer Backend. Not sure HR fully understands the meaning of Full-Stack...6
When you've created a small little program to test out a new language you're learning and you're really proud of it 🤗 then show it to your -non programmer- friends and they're like,that's shit wtf is the point in that you're an awful coder...
YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!!! 😫😭5
Several months back when I started this job, one of the HR guys I met was super energetic and outgoing (I'm a quite introvert).
HR Guy: Hey it's so great to meet you! Everyone here is super excited to have you starting in this role!!!
Me: .......uh "everyone"? There's like 500 people here and only about 3 even know I exist.
HR Guy: *thinks for a second* Haha yeah I guess you are right!!!4
Drivers across Operating Systems.
Windows: What the fuck is any of this? Here's something minimally functional.
Mac: That's not made by Apple, fuck off.
Linux: Here you go, have fun if you're missing functionality!5
Every fucking day in my company, we get an email from the HR titled "Good Morning, have a nice <DAY_OF_WEEK>", and the message contains a low quality shitty picture grabbed from a random Google search containing a equally shitty quote.
Today's quote read "Happy Friday! Friday is a day to finish your goals of the week!"
lmao like am I suppose to wait till Friday to finish my 'goals of the week'?
I'm so sick of these dumb fucks someone send help 🙄11
I went on an interview was given an algorithm to solve, solved it in 30 mins and they had allocated 20 mins for it. So I guess I suck. I build shit, I don't do algos that often so I'm obviously rusty.
interviewer: so why should we hire you over a CS graduate.
me: cause I can get shit done.
... akward silence
interviewer: what do you mean by that? like html and CSS?
me: as you can see, I have built large scale real-time web apps with React/Redux (the stack they supposedly use and the position they're hiring for!) the knowledge I have is practical, it can't be learned from books, and it can't be learned from a course. Only building, breaking and rebuilding over time will teach you this knowledge. So essentially a CS grad, who hasn't committed the same amount of hours as I have, can't possibly match me. But they probably can better explain the real world applications of using linked lists...and won't have to Google what Pascal's triangle is like I had to....
interviewer: I see. we will be in touch.
lol well I guess they'll be in touch..9
This is for all the junior devs and people moving into the corporate world.
Remember, HR is there to protect the company, NEVER the employee.
Do not fall for the okie-doke when they tell you they are there to help.
If destroying you is cheaper in the long run than damage to the company then be sure they will slit you from ear-to-ear.7
Wife - Lets go for a dinner tonight.
Husband (HR Manager) - Ok.
Husband - Should we go to a cheaper restaurant ?
Wife - No. Let's go to Royal Palace hotel.
Husband - (silence for a minute) - Ok, See you at 7.O 'Clock.
On the way, around 6.30 pm...
Husband - Once upon a time, I had pani puri competition with my sister and she ate 30 pani-puris(Search in Google, It is the most delicious chat) and defeated me.
Wife - What's so difficult in it?
Husband - Defeating me in Pani-puri eating competition is so difficult.
Wife - I can easily beat you.
Husband - Please leave it. It's not your cup of tea.
Wife - Let us have that competition right now.
Husband - So you want to see yourself defeated?
Wife - Let's see.
They both stop at a Pani-puri stall and start eating...
After about 30 Pani-puris the husband gave up.
The wife was also full, but to defeat her husband, she ate one more and shouted, *"You lose."*
The bill was Rs 50/- and wife was back home and happy as she won the bet.
Moral of the Story...
*Main aim of a HR Manager is to satisfy employee with minimum investments. Winning attitude with less investment, ensuring strong Return On Investment!* 😃😜😀😄😆😅😂😝😎5
Internship opportunities for Android Developers
Must have atleast 1 year experience in iOS development for Android.
Today six friends of mine were fired, they didn't know about it, while they were working HR called them and fired them, CEO talked to me explaining reasons of their decision, trying to convince me. I don't care about reasons, its not about reasons, its about behaviors, people are not resources.17
While surfing, I read one article of 45 jokes only programmer will get....
This is the more realistic one:
What do computers and air conditioners have in common??
Ans: Both useless when you open windows3
I found this posted by a recruiter and I liked it:
| hired someone that didn't shake my hand firmly during the
interview - he rocked as an employee.
| hired someone with three typos on their resume. - She was
the most detailed oriented person l’ve ever worked with.
| hired someone without a college degree- He was way
smarter, innovative, and creative than mel!
| hired someone with four kids- Never met someone so
devoted and committed to her career.
| hired someone who had been incarcerated as a young adult.
- He's a VP now.
| hired someone over 60- she taught me some tricks on excel
that | use to this day!
Can we please throw out all those silly assumptions and rules that we've made up in our head about what a person needs to
be, look like, have accomplished, and do, to succeed?
In my experience, as an HR leader and as a hiring manager, it's those that typically don't get a “shot” who tend to kick butt
in the workplace!
So before you throw that resume away because they don't have every certificate and degree - or - don't call back that candidate because they didn't give you a firm handshake - think about trying something new. Someone new.12
Was asked to make an e-sign system that manipulates PDFs to insert an image and the date at different coordinates on x number of different pages.
200 hours later, it was done. Now I'm the PDF guy2
When Google recruits, I guess they don't need to ask you anything, since they are already tracking your every move.14
HR, why so stupid?
I'm currently living in Sweden, want to move to Austria (significant other is studying there, I'm finishing my studies over here)
Me: *Applies for a Junior Java Dev job via company's online platform*
HR1: We like your CV, be here for an interview in person in 5 days.
Me: That's expensive, can we do it via Skype? I'm still in Sweden.
HR1: How are you planning on working in Austria while living in Sweden?
Me: I'm not. I'll move to Austria in 2 months. That's when I'd like to start working with you.
Me: *wonders why they skipped that part in my CV/cover letter as it's clearly stated there*
HR2: We're sorry to tell you that the position of Senior Database Engineer has been filled. May we use your CV for other potential openings at our company?
Me: No worries, I applied for Junior Java Dev anyways. You may use my CV for other openings.
HR2: Oh, sorry for the confusion. I just mistyped the job title.
Me: *WTF? That was a machine-generated answer. Your system filed my application in the wrong place. You didn't mistype shit.*
HR1: Oh good for you. We've suddenly found out we need a Junior Java Dev as well as a Senior Database Engineer. Do you have time for a Skype interview this afternoon?
HR1: Tomorrow then?4
Writing a tic-tac-toe player in Prolog. So much fun solving a problem with only rules and no loop control 😍2
On my linkedin profile it is clearly mentioned that I am a Java developer.
Recruiter: Hey, I want to offer you a super cool PHP job position.
Me: But I haven’t mentioned anywhere that I am familiar with PHP.
Recruiter: Yeah, I know, but I thought you may want to switch to PHP for a while.
Me: o_O. Fuck you, miss. I do not switch programming languages like I change my socks. Who the fuck teaches you these approaches?12
My most intense day as a dev was when we had a product announcement day (with 70 engineers from dozens of companies invited) and the night before the app still didn't run all of the way through.
My team and I worked all night and had our first successful run-through at 10am when the announcement presentation and demo was at 1pm. All I can say is that I didn't breath when that demo was running live... But it worked flawlessly.
After that experience I realized that I had enough of non-tech management setting unrealistic deadlines, quit that job, and am now helping to build a startup. It has been so much more fulfilling and now I set the deadlines. 😎7
Discussing LoL skins with the intern.
Me : "I mean... The skin that you've got is great and all, but my skin looks really good. I'll let you try it out sometime. The texture really brings out the character"
Intern (he's Indian, with dark skin) : "Sure. But you'll also have to try on my skin. It's quite darker and looks cooler."
HR passing by doesn't say anything, but looks at both of us with concern.4
Is it normal, or is the HR stalling?
I spoke with the HR and they offered me a job and they’re drafting the offer letter.
1 month later.
They’re still drafting the offer letter.
Do I have to worry about the length of responsibilities that I need to do?6
Not specifically dev related other than being hired as a dev, more a corporate thing.
I have medical issues that mean I can be a bit variable in my starting time. Company was aware and floated flexible hours as a possible solution, but never said it *was* a solution, and just left it there really breezy.
Nailed this down with my line manager a couple weeks later after HR lost their shit, apologised and thought nothing of it.
Few days later I read a blog post about IP clauses in contracts that reminded me I intended to ask, as mine didn’t have one.
Asked HR, no response for like an hour, then “we’ll get back to you on that”
Following week, pulled into a sudden meeting. “Sorry for short notice of meeting, but we’re terminating your employment effective immediately for ‘lack of commitment’”.
The day before, the company literally had a company day where they banged on about their values and how they wanted to support their employees and foster an environment for good health and good mental health.
No disciplinary proceedings. My line manager found out 5 minutes before I did.
I emailed a few colleagues afterwards and apologised, and they were stunned it had gone down the way it did.
I was so blindsided and angry in the meeting, especially after I believed I’d found a company that was actually different and cared.
And I did my work, I stayed late quite often, even produced a couple internal devops tools in my time there.
The kicker is that it was within the probation period, so I have literally no recourse for any action against them.
What’s the most bullshit corporate clusterfuck you’ve been through devRant?3
Avicii died. 😞😢
At just 28.
He got me through some tough and grueling times. I still use his tunes while coding. I'm still shocked that he left so early. But he made it count. He might've lived short but he lived large.
I'll miss him. I'm sad that he left so early. But his work will live on. I hope to become as good at programming computers as he was at using them to make music. His music was perfection. RIP.13
Browsing job postings, and some of these requirements are just crazy, and/or wtf. Here's an example:
Front End developer wanted, junior to mid-level. An ideal candidate will be an expert in PHP, C#, and Java. Minimum experience of 10 years. Estimated compensation 30,000 per year.
Entry level full stack developer. Must be an expert in SQL. 5 years experience, BS in computer science required.
Web Developer intern - must have 3 years of experience. Must be an expert in x, y, z. This position is unpaid.
My first performance review as a graduate:
Boss: "we can't give you the rating you deserve because HR"
Me: "ok whatever, what can I do to get the rating I'm suppose to get?"
B: *lists job description of a senior developer* ... "Interview candidates, mentor juniors, start a project and make me profit"
Me: (if I can do that as a graduate, what am I doing here?)
My last performance review at the same company:
B: "we can't give you the rating you deserve because HR"
M: "ok what can I do to improve?"
B: *lists everything I did before the first performance review that wasn't expected of me*
M: (LoL funny, I just wanted to hear your response because I know you'd forget about the first review. Another reason to validate my resignation)
Two new coworkers step in. HR hasn't set up their accounts yet. We create all necessary tickets and wait. A week has now gone by. New guys are just sitting there reading documentation. Call HR
- We are currently processing the request.
- But what is taking so long?
- The request needs to be approved in 4 steps by people on higher and higher levels.
- What level is it currently on?
I'm so close to giving up. Yesterday, I travelled 4 hours in one direction for a job interview for a graduate position as a web developer. As I arrived at the interview, I was welcomed by a senior dev and one of the HR people.
I sit down and they start explaining how everything will commence(standard procedure stuff) and afterwards hand me the technical test. At this time I am super calm cause I did my homework, checked out their products, their websites and knew right away what I was going to work on. As I turn the page, I see at the top with huge fucking capital letters "JAVA OOP test".
I take a minute and look back at them, like wtf is happening. Turns out that they are looking for a java dev. They picked me for the role because I had literally 1 fucking sentence in my CV and where I have said that I studied java in one semester of uni. FYI my entire portfolio, cv and cover letter are focused on JS, html, css both for client and server side.
As the fucking HR guy stood there and asked me "is there something wrong", I felt broken inside. For the first time in my fucking life I felt like I was done and couldn't continue anymore. I felt like this is some bitch-slap from karma about something but I still can't figure out what. I just walked out of there being unable to realize what happened.
I just feel like I should end my developer career before it has even started, just go do business analysis or something. Why the fuck would someone put a job description entirely talking about Angular, Less/SASS, bootstrap and jQuery and then say that is a Java dev OOP role. Who the fuck allows those people to take good salaries yet still deliver the up most shittiest quality service.
Before the interview, I checked out their websites which are simply horrendous with the comparability of a fucking baked potato. Idk really what to do, I don't mean to sound as a whiny little b.... but as I walked out of their office, I felt broken inside. Sorry for the long rant.8
HR guy who was telling me that his company is one of the best when he was ofdering me a job, joined different startup after a month.3
Do you know what kind of shit fucks become HR?
Those who use hashtags in comments for most ridiculous words.
'Hey! I was wondering who all are glad... Only if more people use #Glad, it would be easier for me to figure out this critical information'8
Few years ago a girl from our HR was hitting on my co-worker. She was asking all kinds of personal and professional favours just so he would come by her place, etc. One time she asked him to send her few C/C++ questions that she could use to thin the crowd of potential candidates before inviting them for the formal interview that he'd conduct later on. Obviously she wouldn't know if the answer is good or not but hell with it, he was ready to storm that pink fortress! So he came up with some mind twisters. She left two days later before he even reached the drawbridge. Sad.
So about six months ago he got fed up with some bullshit and left the company. Yesterday we had dinner. He was interviewing for quite some time being picky about which offer to accept and, surprisingly, during his last interview he got asked very familiar set of questions. He answered each. Then he couldn't resist and asked if the girl works there. The guy confirmed and, without a warning, called her. As if it wasn't awkward enough this is how I was told the conversation went:
- "Joan! You won't guess who I've got here! Your very good friend, Peter! Nope. Yeah, that one - how did you kn... Uh-huh. Oh? Yeah. Are you sure? I mean, I wouldn't. Deal!"
Then he turned out to Peter and said:
- "You know what? I wasn't going to hire you for shit because in my opinion your knowledge on the subject matter, how to put that gently, sucks ass... But apparently Joan here says you're professional and can handle everything we'll be able to throw at you. So when can you start?"
Needless to say he took the job. The fortress fell soon after and he wanted to meet to ask if I'm coming for the bachelor party. I'm ordering t-shirts with "batch mode off" in monospace.10
FINALLY got my Raspberry Pi Zero W after 2 months of waiting, comment me some cool projects to do with it20
Oh yeah that shouldn't take too long right? I mean it's just the front end.
No shut your fucking dumb ass mouth up. It will take long. The front end is very complicated, and your stupid fucking ass who couldn't learn to code is in no position to estimate how long it will take. Do us all a favor and stick to the "business" side. Fucking incompetent idiot.
If you're not a programmer, when it comes to estimating how long a task will take. Just shut the fuck up. Just cause you work in this industry does not qualify you to estimate a task. Just shut the fuck up.1
There is no other way to put this.
My HR manager just sent out her tax declaration sheet containing all her salary details out to the entire company via email.
The worst part, she makes as much as I do yet fails at the one single job she's supposed to do.3
*Presents finished product to client
Client: We won't pay until you add this new feature that was never in the original specs.
*One week later after adding new feature
Client: Uhh, actually there's something else we want, do that then you get paid.
Before I get too fat, the "Hour of Code" concept it's great, trying to get kids interested in programming
That being said, why on earth do they use fucking drag and drop programming? I would argue Python is easier to learn and infinitely more useful, and this is coming from someone who can't stand Python.
So far the only thing that I can think that the Hour of Code achieves, with drag and drop programming, is people possibly getting into Scratch, and fuck Scratch.5
First rant here, and it's going to be a query to the more professional and experienced members of society (most of you).
I am currently a Sys Admin for a major company, and I develop at night. My primary employment at the moment is the sys admin job (and I code for extra money at nights).
I wanted to start a development department at the company that I am working at, but it was turned turned down. It was stated that we are not branching in development, and that we should stick to our server implementation and support. This was a prompt to me wanting to start studying officially (I wanted to get qualified in JAVA, so that I had some paper behind my name when I looked for another job). HR and my directors outright denied me the ability to study through them (they pay for studies for employees) and I was more than fine with this.
I took a loan and paid for the studies myself. Can't crush a dream, you know?
The director caught wind of me studying, and now has demanded that I develop him a mobile application for the company. I told him that I am not a mobile developer, and that it didn't fall into my key performance areas.
Note, I do my coding on own time, on my own device, and never at work. It's fully my intellectual property. It also in no way interferes with my work during the day, and has NO conflict with my contract this side.
He sent an email yesterday, this is after two months. He is now stating that I WILL do the application, and he has CCd HR and two directors.
I don't want to do the app for this company, I spoke to HR previously about this, and she said that I should try and quote it under my own company name (which I did, but it was denied as it was "too expensive").
Now I am being forced to do something that is COMPLETELY out of my roles and responsibilities, something that this company has ABSOLUTELY no desire to go into further on, and he is basically letting me know that if I don't do it, he is going to start messing with my pay.
I really don't want to do this, and I cannot afford to make my secondary job my primary at the moment. The problem is, too, that I don't have the time during the day to develop AND do my sys admin tasks (I manage more than 300 servers, and 5000 devices).
What can I do in this instance? Or what would you guys recommend, in your experience?
Sorry for the noob question, but I don't know what to do.22
Last week I designed the front page of a construction company website for getting the internship....
After showing my sample to the HR ..he mailed me asking
"Do you know how to code?"
Now I don't know is it sarcastic or I really don't know how to code.17
It will never stop happening... people who don't know shit about code, assuming some conclusion and giving their opinions on software.3
One of the things I have no fucking patience for is bureaucracy. For the last year I've been working for a company I have no problem with, I like the place and I like the people here. Recently I was contacted by another company and offered a better salary to work for them. I was open about it with my boss and we both accorded that I will receive the same salary to stay (It was ok to me since I feel comfortable here), but in order to do that I'll have to sign a new contract. Ok, no big deal. Few days later a HR girl contacts me to send her all the documentation needed to elaborate a contract, and I was like 'You guys already have all my documents, been working here for a year'. But Ok, I tried not to be picky and just sent her everything again. Then she requests online psychometric tests, sends a shitload of formats to fill, like personal references, their company-custom resume format, privacy policies, and many more stupid and irrellevant paperwork nobody should need when a person has been working for you for a year and you want him to stay. I really tried to be patient and do everything the HR girl wanted me to do, but for one reason or other, she kept rejecting the formats I was sending (I had to download, print, sign, scan and resend many of them). We've been wrestling for an entire fucking week over this shit via email and she can't just write a new contract, make me sign it and leave me the fuck alone. The last thing she compained about was a stupid personal reference format I didnt scan with my signature on. This other company wants me to start next monday. I guess the next document I'll be sending her will be my resignation letter.2
A recruiter who claims in his signature "Certified in Sourcing Ninja Black-Belt in Internet Recruitment" [sic] offered me a Java Developer position. Guess what? I'm no Java Developer at all.5
Our Product Manager is so amazing that,
1-> She writes FEEDBACKs in Trello
2-> BUGs in MS Excel
3-> and Upcoming FEATUREs in her DIARY
and best part is She used to work as Developer in MnC2
*Gives the list of top three candidates (All women) to hire to HR Manager (A Lady)*
HRM: Ha, I always knew it, women are always better than men. Alas, you are realising now.
*At that moment, it felt as if all my hard work to judge all the candidates abilities without any prejudice whatsoever, just got collected by the garbage collector*
Why does it have to be Men Vs Women, why does there have to be any comparison at all, except the question that how does this individual compare to the rest.
I really don't care whether one is old, young, male or female or whatever other factor that can be used to separate humans into groups. Why can't it simply be: Does this individual produce the end result required? Period.6
Hr Interviewer: So I see you have worked for over 6 years, mostly with Php.. which one do you know? 5.4 or 7?
*that should impress her*
Those are the people who suppose to find me a job? 😓 I'm screwed4
Slapping idiots around.
This needs to be a trend.
Actual rant :
I'm sitting in this idiot haven completing my mandatory hours doing nothing. Earlier I would spend this time learning stuff but I'm too fed up to do anything. This place is driving me mad and just today I had to suffer through more madness that is blocking me from resolving a bug.(I don't have the license to run the product I'm supposed to be fixing)
The number of inept idiots is too damn high. I try not to be bothered but I can only try so much.4
To any and all family members, before requesting my help with the printer/computer/electronic device follow these steps to make sure I don't get irritated.
1. Make sure it's plugged in.
2. Turn it off then back on
3. Turn it off, unplug it for around 30s, turn it back on.
4. Request help
Why is this so hard to grasp? I don't want to stop my workflow with an issue that could be resolved in less than a minute!1
Apply for a job, pass the application stage, pass the practical demonstration and get invited for interview.
2 other candidates dropped out before the interview. It was an internal position for me, the other two were externals.
I still got made to interview for the position even though I was the only suitable candidate and everybody in the organisation knew me from my current role.
Why HR? Why?
P.S. I got the job.2
Fuck you sideways stupid ass clowns of HR people.
If you don't want to hire me, it's okay. What is not okay it's to steal several days of my life with your idiotic multi-step interviews, telling me I did awesome and you'd like to hire me as soon as possible, then actively avoid any contact for three whole fucking weeks, just to finally tell me you've chosen someone else with a more prestigious degree but way less actual experience in the field. You'll come to me begging soon and I'll laugh in your faces.3
I don't know if this is the same thing everywhere over the world, but, in France, where I live, there's something that infuriates me on so many levels.
Please, dear HRs,
GET YOUR SH*T TOGETHER ! I don't know, ask to some of your developers to review your offer, to spot these beginner mistakes. This is an automatic turn-off for me when I notice this king of bullsh*t in job offers, and I understand that the person that wrote this offer has no fucking idea of the business his/her company is dealing with.
Later, these people are those who will interview you with generic IT questions, that they have no idea about what a correct answer might be, and they will only check if your answer matches what is written on their cheat sheet. If you're lucky enough, some people from the actual business will be with the interview crew, so you can actually expect some kind of understanding.
*angrily goes back to looking for a job*4
Soooo might turn into the lead developer of the web services of 2 fucking schools with the manpower of 2 for which one of us ain't even a developer all because HR put my lead developer in the hospital and he might be so fucking fed up that he may not come back to work.
Holy fuck man.....I was already a lead mobile developer before and i fucking hated every minute of it and the pay raise ain't even gonna be worth it for the ammount of shit that i am going to be required to do.
Fuck this, fingers crossed man I really want my boy to come back cuz I don't wanna deal with this bullshit.
I seriously never thought i would be in this position and by heavens i have been in some shit before.
Fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck.
Fingers crossed my boy gets better man fr.10
HR: "People you got to keep believing in the software so we can succeed. You look like a pack of beaten dogs who have given up the fight".
I can choose to believe in God and that he will bless us with a miracle but that's not going to make it any more real than believing in the software is going to fix all the work still left. 😑2
Apple app signing and certificates: how do people even circumvent/hack these things? I'm hardly able to do it legit.4
!dev rant, but dev company rant (if that makes sense)
I love my company's HR, she is such a wonderful and caring woman.
'Breng' (a public transit company in the Netherlands) was on strike today, so I couldn't go to work. No problem I thought, I'll just work from home. So I send a screenshot to the HR where you could see that every train was canceled.
A few moments later I get a message back saying that I should wait for the next train (although you could see on the screenshot that said train was also canceled)
Now I finally have a train to go to work... After sitting an hour in the cold... And I already see the smile on her face when I arrive at work...
Please trains keep driving so I can go home tonight...
Telling my mom how to do computer stuff is like programming, I need to outline every fucking step. Yes this includes file management.
So here goes my first rant...
I was looking for a job as a software developer when I saw one nice company hiring.
I apply to them via their form online. Then they invite me to come to their event during which they will explain everything in details.
I go there (despite the time of the event being uncomfortable for me) and listen to them for a while. Basically, they say they will send the test task to all applicants and see how it goes.
Later same day they email me saying they didn't get my CV via their form and they need me to resend it so they can send the test task. Alright, no big deal, done.
Now today they email me saying "sorry, motherfucker, better luck next time".
What the actual fuck? I spend my fucking time to go to some shitty event saying a test task will decide everything to not even get one.
So, naturally, I go and re-check my email: I definitely did send them my CV;
seems like they ignored the email and eliminated me from the application process for not having my CV, fuckers.
If they will ever in the future invite me to an interview/offer me a job there, I won't take for fucking triple pay.
Thanks for reading and helping me vent my anger, have a nice day:)3
HR: Do you work under pressure?
Me: Yes, but I swear very much.
Me: uh.. and sometimes I punch in the face, yes just in the face.1
Actually finishing a project.
I am a person who gets a lot of ideas for projects I want to work on, then I start writing the code for them, then I reach a wall, stop and restart the cycle all over again.
Fuck my life.2
HR Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
Interviewee: I have your job and I'm asking the interviewee: "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?" His response?
I have your job and I'm asking the interviewee: "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?" His response...
Here we go....
At our school we had different industry people come in and talk about whatever they want to.
My last presenation for the day is on 3D modelling in Game Design, and of course we have middle school kids being generally loud and obnoxious.
Some fuckers are being exceptionally obnoxious, and the teachers decided, in their infinite FUCKING wisdom, to stick them in front of a table where Juniors and Seniors are sitting, minding our own buisness.
Of course, the fuckers decided to continue being obnoxious and despite my request to keep it down, and another Senior's direct approach to tell them to shut up, they continue being disruptive.
At one point, a teacher, again using INFINITE FUCKING WISDOM, decided that instead of removing the fuckers from the room, put a Senior in between them, hoping that that would somehow keep them quiet. Yes, the fucking preschool level attempt didn't work.
Eventually a teacher concluded that the fuckers were pissing us off and removed them from the room. Thank fuck.
That feels much better, excuse me as I need to reinstall an OS on my desktop since the Universe seems to fucking hate me today.
When you got hired
HR: please come to us if there's any problems related work so that we can give a solution.
After years of working you send a mail with you problems, it's been months. Still no reply! And try to avoid conversation regarding that problem.2
Brought a stressball into work today (not a devrant one) and it popped within 10 minutes, of course causing more stress.
So I had an interview with Amazon, I had 2 technical rounds and 2 managerial rounds. Now I am waiting for the HR to call, this guy is not picking up the call or replying to my emails. Its almost 3 days now and I am FREAKING OUT!!
How difficult is it to tell the candidate that the application is in progress/accepted or you have been rejected!!!
HR PEOPLE :(11
Does anybody know a course on machine learning with python that doesn't need that much mathematical knowledge? Because in every course I find I need to know advanced mathematics yet I am still in grade 10 and haven't studied it yet.17
Absolutely hate it when HR says: "You'll be told about the outcome of this interview in the next two weeks".
What about putting in place a more stringent timeline for recruitment processes at your company?
What the fuck am I supposed to do for two bloody weeks?8
For some reason the backend kept throwing errors when I tried to save a long string containing markdown. Initially I assumed I must be escaping things incorrectly but that all looked fine. Asked the backend guy to take a look.
Turned out that in order to count the number of words they were using a regex, which seems fine, unless you construct the regex out of my string and run that over the word count regex... 🤔
It’s great how HR tells you to report to work on your first day to your line manager, but also tells you to attend training in another country before you start working, BUT they don’t tell you when the training is, how stuff will be paid for, or how to contact anyone in the company to find this info out5
IT Dept creates an update installer with a Message of "Your computer will restart now to install updates" with only an OK button when your in the middle of work with multiple apps and windows open...
1. Kill Process
2. Resume Work6
This year I want to start a project that I'll be proud of, learn PHP, Java, PostgreSQL and Assembly.22
I have resigned from my current organisation. The HR guy here is kinda my friend. He asked me about my next organisation and my position there.
After listening to my reply, he asked my personal email id and forwarded his resume there.
The irony doesn't end here. The HR girl who was talking to me on behalf of the next organisation, told me today that tomorrow is her last day and introduced me to her colleague who will be my point of contact.
The HR people are so messed up.
From a job posting I recently viewed:
"About you: We don't care about years of experience or knowledge of particular technologies, if you have a computer science degree; or a degree at all for that matter."
further down in the same posting...:
-MS/BS in Computer Science or related background
Looking at some new dev tools I spotted this gem:
"If install fails, keep trying to install a few times."
Thanks for the tip!1
When HR tries to appoint tasks to developers,this happens.
P.S. The repo has basic hello world Android app files.
I have to make a big decision about my future as a developer...
I am currently in an apprenticeship as a dev.
The thing is i was forced to do testautomatization.
I was there for half a year and had a good time.
But now my trainer (the guy who assigned me all the work and showed me all the stuff I learned) has been fired.
And now it sucks... they don't teach me new things anymore and don't give me time to catch up with the new technologies.
(This was different in the past!)
I was forced to do manual testing for the past few week.
Therefor i am working with a friend and his trainer.
One day i was talking to my friend about how things have changed in the testing-team.
His trainer was listening (we did not know) and sayed: If you want i can ask my boss if it is possible that i can teach you as well.
Now the point is i woud love to work with him. I love the work they do!! (Java; don't hate me)
But it will make the testing guys mad and I dont know how HR will react.
I am pretty sure it will reduce my chances of getting a job (at this company) if I change the team...
Should I talk to HR or not? What do you think?
Thanks for reading and sorry for my english bugs.6
HR departments really really annoy me
Firstly, they take an age and a half to respond to job applications. Now I understand that there are multiple steps in choosing a candidate, gotta look through their cover letter, resume etc, maybe talk to a lead somewhere, but 4 FREAKING MONTHS? SERIOUSLY?
HOWEVER, if they DO ACTUALLY REPLY then that makes them better than most HR departments. If I've gone to the effort of filling all of your application forms with strange questions in, and I've written you a tailor-made cover letter, the LEAST I expect is a simple copy pasta email saying setting like "Sorry, but you don't match what we're looking for". That's all. Don't even need to include my name. 100% copy and paste. 10 extra seconds in the 4 months it took you to read half a page of text and some nicely formatted bullet points
So incredibly annoying1
How surprising is it when a person designs code in a very clear and impressive structure and just when you think about asking them for guidance, they reveal themselves to be complete turds?
I've been working with this person's "infra" code, at work. I've rewritten some classes to use their infra. I had a vague idea of how the classes work. I had no idea of how their code works. Expectedly, there were some issues but now only minor ones remain.
I asked them for a description of what I'm supposed to do for the few bugs I'm facing. They replied in such a condescending tone, it made me want to punch them through the screen.
Almost a month later, we're still going back and forth with emails. I've been swallowing it and responding calmly. I never got direct answers. Always deflections to irrelevant things or veiled insults. I took it because they did correct one silly error of mine that actually my code reviewer should've caught. (What's worse is that it got introduced by me just before my review and commit.)
But does that give them the right to insult me in front of the whole team including my project manager? I got a reply today from them with everyone of note in cc implying very clearly that I have not done any work. They highlighted a line from my code with some todo tag (that was not meant for them) to make their invalid point. A line that's unrelated to the bug I asked them about. This is after I proved them wrong when they insisted that I had done something wrong about a feature related to the bug.
If you don't understand what I asked for fucking ask me to ask again. But do not fucking try establish yourself on higher ground by pointing out irrelevant things in my code.
I was shocked and enraged that they'd do such a thing. I double checked everything like a mad man. Despite knowing that the fix has to come from them, I was instantly transported to the noob stage, grasping at straws. I wanted to send a really scathing reply right away but my manager asked me to wait.
My mind is now a see saw shifting between a panicked noob questioning every fucking thing I ever did in my nada life and a hungry enraged monster looking to maul that fucking shithead for burning me like that.1
Older tech support story, but still a frusterating one.
Sister was running Windows 8.1 (ew) when Microsoft was ramming Windows 10 down everyone's throat.
Her laptop decided to update to Windows 10, and after waiting awhile, she decided to unplug the laptop's battery and power chord.
This did what you expected, corrupted her install, leading to a bootloop. I then got to deal with that to try and recover it.
Once I got into the recovery mode, it wanted her password to restore from a system image, guess what she forgot?
She tried her PIN, and gave up after a few attempts, and I got to reinstall Windows for her.
Lesson learned from this? If you're the IT person of the house, make sure that you have an account on all machines that you may administrate. That way you don't need to deal with this shit.1
Trying to get away from Gmail, anyone know any email providers that respects privacy? Would prefer IMAP/POP access and an option (can be paid) to use my own domain.
Currently considering paying for ProtonMail.29
So I finished 6-month long frontend studies and the school proposed internship in one of the best local coding companies. I got their test, basically to write 'API-based internet app with any of JS frameworks'.
Me: 'Hooray!!!'. Couple of days later, app delivered. Made with jQuery (because this is the only js framework the fucking coding school taught me). Very long, very personal cover letter sent along with it.
They: ' We are sorry, but we will not consider anything written with jQuery'.
Me: 'OK'. Learning ReactJS alone by myself for two weeks, 8-10 hours daily. Another two weeks - another project delivered. News agregator, fetching from 3 APIs and merging news based on publication time. News categories, news search - all the bells and whistles. Made 100% myself - not some clone from Udemy workshop or youtube.
They: 'Sorry, your project isn't good enough'.
Me (silently): Fuck you too, stupid HR manager. If you aren't able to see the motivation and dedication in a person, shove a dildo up your ass.5
I've just came to the end of my probation in a new role... Been told I've passed it already... But just raised an interesting typo in my original offer letter....
Instead of saying a
"pay increase up to £#####"
it says a
"pay rise OF £#####"
Upon completing your probation
So in half a mind to ask when I'll see my salary more than doubled like the offer letter says!3
Design and make an easily repairable laptop so I can graduate.
Figure out how to use blender for 3d modelling
Move the majority of software use to open sourced software.5
I will never understand why my university is requiring me to take upper level physics. I understand the need to understand electricity and circuitry but this semester has been mostly quantum and I don't see how this will apply to development.9
Just wondering, is it totally normal for startups to blast music and chat nonstop, while the devs try their best to tune it out and code? Serious question4
Fuck the entire fucking HR!!!!
I just happened to help my colleague to interview some new developer candidate, since he was so busy. Next thing I know I was registered as this "Tech interviewer committee".
Oh and the HR always conduct interview sessions suddenly. I got calendar invitation at 10.30pm to interview a candidate tomorrow morning at 9am. They don't even gave me the candidate's resume until 1 hour before interview starts. How the hell am I supposed to prepare?!
This has been going on for more than 3 months now. I thought it's because they happened to forgot to schedule, but this has been going on for many times already. Oh, and they doesn't even tell us the required qualifications or any pass/fail criteria. They leave that to the interviewers, wtf
My first experience of interviewing candidate was as a substitute, then they throw me to weekly hell of meeting strangers and asking them questions. No guide, no example, just do whatever and give judgement.
Imma gonna give them a piece of my mind tomorrow3
Spending the day sending emails back and forth with your client because they can't be bothered to prepare a single overview of what properties the endpoint expects, and instead expect you to piece it together from 6 PDFs of which at least 2 contain contradicting information, another is outdated, and the last one seems to have been exported from word and is missing half the content.
What the hell is "dynamic"? What does it mean? This word is overused in job ads, I can bet that you can find it in every job posting. And at least one instance of it.7
Returning at work after holiday and have to relocate again! This is the 3rd time in two months... Feeling like a nomad..!2
Our company hired a "Human resource consulting" to help with our internal processes and policies. Yesterday they showed us an Excel that we should fill when we travel to attend meetings, events, courses, etc.
This spreadsheet... OH, THIS SPREADSHEET... you should've seen that.
Most of the "labels" of the "fields" were writen with terms that we do not use in our daily basis. The fields were ambiguous. You shout put a number on the Transportation quantity (ex.: 5) but have no space to describe which transport you will use (bus, metro, uber... so... 5 what?). When we asked which name shoud go on the field "superior" (director, pm, scrum master...) the woman from this consulting said "oh, I don't believe you're asking about this" (and since then, she became more rude by the end of the meeting).
We care for quality in our apps, and UI/UX is a big thing in our company. The last thing we want is need to read a f*#1n manual to fill a spreadsheet. Make it intuitive and you will not need an hour and a half to explain how to fill this obsolete form.
It's sad to think that this person was hired to improve our company, but did not bother to understand the company's culture (and values, and terms) first.
I just fucked up!
So I was invited to an afterwork beer because some guy out of our project team left...
I was there early and run into the lead of HR for my current department... (I am still in apprenticeship, last year, so she is not <yet> responsible but if I want to stay she is the one who decides)
I said Hi, and she asks me to sit down.
After a while she asks me (out of the blue) If I want to stay!
I was surprised!!! I am considering multiple options atm .... I was not able to formulate a proper sentence all I could say was a simple "yes"...
... and with all the things going on in my head at this moment it might not have been the most convincing one....
I am screwed! Fuck I worked hard the past three years9
So since starting my new role I have had nothing to rant about. That changed today.
HR waited til one day past payroll cut off to issue my paperwork. Meaning I get paid at my old rate this month and then get back pay in my November pay slip.
Those mother cunting bastards waited one day extra to screw me for the whole month.
I've been waiting since the end of September for these twat monkeys to get off their rotting arses and sort this and they do it one day late.
It's a good job that I don't know where they are located, nothing good would be waiting for them if I did.
As this got cut from the tags:
HR please kindly go find a rotting puss filled dick and shove it up your lazy fucking arse you pitiful wastes of human meat bags.1
Yesterday I went to pool campus recruitment drive and there were 3 rounds
1. Written aptitude test
2. Group Discussion
3. F2F interview
Cleared first round and got selected for second round out of like 80 students. (15-18 got selected)
Went to group discussion first topic was "Donald Trump Administration is threat to IT for Indian or not" and the all were saying he stopped giving visa to Indians, there is no opportunity for us there because of him and I was like wtf... And they think because of Trump, Indian people from Infosys got kicked out hahahaha wtf is this.
Second was how AI and Digitalization can help in growth of nation.
And again those girls hahahah one girl said by using AI we can make new technology and can explore galaxies. What the fathafucking fuck!!
And YES THEY GOT SELECTED.
(Whole HR team was non technical)5
Recruiters or their bosses with sick ambitions and zero feedback.
Do I need to say more?
Spent few days to make my site looking good on desktop/mobile with few screenshots and even video to show my working projects in production. Even more few days to make really detailed 2 A4 CV with my previous job and what I was doing there. All generated from markdown.
I even saved money around half a year to go and live month in other country (Ireland, Dublin) and then on site send about 150 applications on various sites, emails, linkedout and local IT meetings.
Null, nada, nil, NaN accepted applications.
Is it some kind of joke? All companies almost cries for new workers and they don't even answer someone which founded and have no problem with growing own IT company for almost 5 years with self learnt, practically applied in production linux, HTML, CSS, JS, PHP, Go, bash, KVM and Openvz virtualization knowledge?
What they really want?
Astronaut with Brainfuck and Cobol with fluent backwards speaking Esperanto riding on monocycle with 3 hands and no need for sleep for -1 whoopercoin?1
You know what's bullshit? CS Degrees as a requirement, even for the shittiest dev jobs.
Sorry fuckers, I don't feel like killing myself over fucking math bullcrap for 3 goddamn years just to work as an intern slave for some rich CEO who prefers to hire some guy who doesn't know shit about actual working with computers but has a degree.
And this horseshit happens only in dev jobs. Why. Are devs some fucking nuclear scientists or something? I work as sysadmin and they didn't ask me for any shit degree and I earn more than the average code monkey where I live.
Goddamn HR fuckers. May Allah take you to hell.4
Guys, a company's HR mailed me for a position that requires strong experience of ">3 years in Python with C or C++".
Does it mean Python and C/C++?
Or do they need someone who is using C/C++ to write Python?
I have some experience with adding Python support to C++ code. Does it count? 😁8
Started off in College learning the basic Java and C#. That was enough to land my first internship, during that internship I'd go home each night and teach myself whatever I needed to know to get through the next day.
Within a year I became the project lead on an API for my groups application.
1. Fake it till you make it.
2. Act like you've been there before.
3. Never stop learning.1
I had a dream freelance job recently. It was a lot of a fun and I really wanted to continue to work there.
However it started to become apparent my manager was a mess. He would often turn up hungover and couldn’t follow conversation. When asked about docs he said he wouldn’t keep any documentation “so no one could take over”. The whole attitude and professionalism was awful.
Some days on release he (and another member of the team) would turn up to work four hours late as they’d been out the night before. I would absorb all of the impact. Technically I felt he was quite significantly junior than myself. Management saw, directors saw, no one did anything.
To cut a long story short - I raised it with HR, I was told unless I raised an “official grievance” nothing would be done. I asked if I could move - I was met with a shrug “we don’t know”
I eventually reached a point where I felt my only real power is to walk away.
I now have no confidence in HR at all. I don’t think I’ll ever involve or raise anything with them again. 😔6
Funnily enough my initial experience with Java at uni dampened my enthusiasm for programming I had harboured as a kid. Discontinued the course and studied something else. Cue three years later; took an elective programming in C and some other coding subjects and fell in love with coding. Ended up writing code for my bachelor thesis, lots of free time coding, teaching the elective I had taken only a year before, and now it's my job and I love it. :)
Student: Hey will you be a reference for me?
Me: Of course!
HR: Hello, Student says you are a reference for them. Please fill out this form.
Form: 20 long answer questions.
Sometimes I regret my decisions. I am a perfectionist, so this form will take me an hour to fill out haha. This is definitely a reason why I don't say yes to every student who asks for a reference, and only those who actually make me remember them.3
Hi. I am new here. I have a question. I have been using window my whole life until now. I want to try linux now. Which one best? And is there any place where i can get all info(installion n all) about it....17
Although some of you might say that arduino is a good introduction to programming, I believe you should teach a kid basic python or java before getting into arduino or raspi..etc11
We came across a bug that only manifested itself in Edge if, and only if, the developer console was closed. Which we only discovered once it went live since during testing we always had the console open to monitor things... D:2
Sending a request to link accounts.
errorMessage: 'Accounts Linked'
Wait what? So I checked the docs and this is actually how it is supposed to work... >_<1
I went to a job interview about 3 weeks ago. I got an email that I didn't pass, so I asked for a feedback. Their response was that I have required technical skills, but the reason I was not accepted was "your personality is incompatible with our team". I mean, WTF. How can you get my personality after one hour of me talking about code?19
Well I recently decided to apply for a job although I was planning to go to college in full time this October.
I saw the job ad whilst being active on Stack Overflow. As I just finished my apprenticeship some months ago, I decided to call the firm and ask if I can apply. I clearly stated what I have done before and what knowledge I've gained and what I'm not able/willing to do.
I was "allowed" to apply and additionally took two coding challenges (I completed all tasks with the correct results) as well as a one-hour telephone interview.
After that I almost immediately got invited to a personal job interview after the firm's boss agreed.
The meeting ran very well and I was able to correctly answer almost all questions. Although I was applying for a complete backend position I was asked unconditionally many questions about frontend/webdesign, what I clearly stated that I'm not good at this and thus also not looking for a job with such an requirement.
Two days later I got the response form the HR, that they were looking for some more experienced (within a professional software development team) which I didn't because I was mostly working as the programmer and IT guy in non-IT department in the company I worked before. That hasn't been a mystery I wasn't telling before. 😮😮😮😮
But HR additionally told me, they noticed - whilst in the recruitment process with me - that they already have enough backend devs and are seeking for a frontend dev instead.
Well then why the f*ck do you upload a job ad when you suckers don't need that position? And why the hell do you think you then have to waste my time with a frontend-oriented interview? Get your shit on the way and just invite people you really want to employ.
So rethink. Much wow.1
There we go again...
I can't remember how many times I saw something like this. It seems like ignorance already become a new standard in IT recruit world😎
Should I give a thumbs up just for daring to ask?!
I was trying to learn HTML CSS so that I could become a fullstack developper yet felt so bored doing so I didn't like them at all, did anyone else go through this why learning them also? Think I'll stick to django.8
Me during HR interview.
Q) What makes you Happy?
Ans: when my code compiles successfully in the first attempt.2
I finally got what I wanted. A raise and I'm moving to another team to get away from my lead who is a completelly obtuse human being.
Or so I thought...
Aparently, the change has been approved by everyone except the head of HR, who has been MIA for about two months now.
At the moment I may or may not receive my raise at the end of the month...
It gets better!! Today i was reminded why I wanted to get rid of my lead. Anual reviews are here again.
So, I go to the one on one review meeting with my lead. We start talking about the various topics and we get to the "needs improvement" section, where my jaw dropped.
The morron completed that section with all the things that were meant for the "good job" column (it's not called that but you get it). More than that...the imbecile refused to understand that he made a mistake. I had to call another team lead (from the team where I should have ended up by now) to explain to the moron how the fucking review works, only then did he admit his mistake.l and made the appropriate changes.
At the moment I regret ever joining this company and I also regret not owning a flamethrower!
I currently don't work over 40 hours a week. When I come to work, everyone else is setup in the "war room," however my monitor and laptop are still at my desk (it's quieter with everyone out in the war room).
I have a good work/life balance, and I'm not alone. One of the other employees also refuses to work over 40 hours or on weekends. He has a PhD and teaches classes on the side. We both did at least participate in a Sunday all-day work session to get something to production.
What I'm worried about is resentment. I have taken zero vacation and was going to bank all my time, then in January take it all at once. I was going to ask for 3 weeks of unpaid on top of that so I could get a month and a half off to go south for the winter.
Even though my output has been really good while I've been working, I have a fear of resentment from others who do put in the extra time. We're all salary and none of them get paid overtime except for a one-time bonus for that Sunday I mentioned.3
Buy dell, hp, lenovo and any other craptop company out there and fire all the numbnuts working there so that they slowly die of unemployment in the fucking gutters where their useless asses rightly belong. Oh and castrate them too so that they don't reproduce.
I'm considering going full Lannister on them but that might be too harsh.5
How about for once in your fucking life, before saying that my code is wrong because it is giving you errors, you fucking check to see if you have the semicolons in place
I've had enough of recruitment phone calls, from now on if they don't follow:
1) Look at the FAQ made solely for them.
2) Contact me exclusively through email or chat(Skype) indicated by me.
I'll not f*ucking care about them.
My memory is not made to record perfectly every single call from any job offering, I'm sick of getting lost in memories of calls that, in the end, sound really similar between each other. F*ck this system of "I need your number to keep in touch with you(or update you) about this offer".1
Unsure of what path to take as a developer.
I'll be graduating from uni next year and I'll probably go into web dev but I'm not really passionate about it building websites for a living.4
Pretty recent one. I found that I can use Perl to edit files using a single cmd line (with regex search and replace). Loved it.
Ended up dong an internship for my school (not really internship, more along the lines of formal volunteering, but whatever) helping set up laptops for a statewide standardized assessment.
I made a program to log the machine's identifying info (Serial, MAC addresses, etc), renames it, joins it to the school's Active Directory, and takes notes on machines, which gets dumped into a csv file.
Made the classic rookie mistake of backing things up occasionally, but not often enough. Accidentally nuked the flash drive with the data on it, and spent a good while learning data recovery and how grep works.
Lesson Learned? Back up frequently and back up everything
Finally I have something decent for my résumé.
I was going through some LaTeX hell before someone started a cv tools discussion. It was good to learn that json cv is a thing. But it was too late for me. LaTeX posed a challenge and I was bored. It became personal.
After a lot of kicking around and landing on XeLaTeX, I finally have a decent layout. I had to compromise a tiny bit but that's on me for having little content.
(I wanted a graphic résumé but I'll need to do more to sufficiently fill a page. Besides I'd need to design icons and shit for it.)
Now it's done and my job hunt can start!3
It's too late for this but I just realized it so I'm sharing it anyway.
How do I get through tough dev days?
Depending on how tough it is going :
Soundtracks for focus
Soundtracks for action (any Assassins here?)
AC soundtrack with chocolate.6
It is so frustrating working in a pure waterfall environment. My current work is constantly interrupted by QA and UAT defects. Many of which have nothing to do with my code. But they still require me to stop what I'm doing and research what happened. It's 2:43 and after meetings and research I haven't written a line of code on my current project. Ugh!
Best: realizing that development could be a career and switching to it as a major
Worst: first dev job working on a 15 year old legacy visual basic project with over 3 million lines
My boss was not opposed to the idea giving me the title "Production Implementation and Maintenance Professional". If I send it to him in an E-mail he forwards it to HR.1
Those 'HR tools'. 'Workforce Management'.
Once the company commits to it, they stay in use long after their interfaces have become clunky, their features outdated. Pretty bad UX.
Expense reports. Time Sheets. Leave Applications.
I'm looking at you, Kronos. >.<
• this is fucked up!
• I fucking hate this shit of a job
• I took a pay cut to get this job MF
• come near me and I'll cut you #moodtoday
Anyone else have similar experience with HR?
Anyone seeing this rant from Sydney? If yes, why is it so hard to get any IT/Dev jobs for an international student? Sucks.
5y+ exp in react.
First commit is about 5y ago.
It's for a big startup in Brazil.
Way to scare of actual decent developers.3
Why are is it that senior managers can carry mobiles in the office but juniors can't due to fucking GDPR.
I don't get it are we gonna steal some data and the managers won't. What the fucking idiocracy!!!!2
R(ecruiter): "Hello sir, we noticed your post with CV on group XYZ, are you still looking for a job?"
Me: "Yes, of course."
R: "We are building a new team in city X, remote work is possible. I will send you job posting right away."
Started reading it, job title is SENIOR JAVA DEVELOPER. Okay, maybe she sent me wrong document, maybe she wanted me to read just a bit about company and every job posting is pretty generic.
Me:" This job posting is for a senior programmer, I take it you're looking for juniors too ? I would happily take it, it's just I want a job to learn more things. Did you read my CV?"
R, annoyed: "Requirements for this position are quite clear, I believe. We are open to working with people with different experience level."
From there, she was pretty negative but I remained sympathetic and agreed to met with her boss next week. After all, maybe he has a position for me.
Is there anyway to support dev rant using Google Play credits instead of donating "real" money?3
Still wondering what it says about me when I tell my wife it was a good day because no one emailed or pinged me 😁1
Friend just quit job, tells HR in an exit interview about how they are putting marks over people just for not share ideas or disagree on decisions of HR.
HR goes and put marks over all the people that was friend of my friend.
Even the ones related to his algorithms club.
(By putting marks I mean: points at/put final notice letters/similar)2
!rant.isRant() && rant.isQuestion()
Is learning languages like Rust worth it? As in, will it be helpful getting a job and do companies even use it? 😄3
All these routes, and still im not yet done. More power to devs whom client dont realize how tedious to validate thez things!4
I always see job posts for:
• PHP & mySQL
Would you consider applying for these when you don't like these technologies? Why? I need your advice & wisdom guys. Thank you so much!3
Since Electron is getting some well deserved flak, I think I'll add my two cents.
Why in the actual fuck can it not proceed any way to allow us to USE OUR SELF FUCKING SIGNED CERTIFICATES.
Yes, security hole, but for messing about with new software, I'm not going to pay a CA for a certificate so I can put it on a server that only I and a few select individuals use!
At least give us a usable frontend for allowing our self-signed certificates so I can use my fucking server!1
I appreciate recruiters a lot. I know this is an unpopular opinion, but yeah, they are great and sometimes they can get you awesome jobs.
But sometimes it feels like some of them are trying to catch fish with dynamite. I got the same offer a friend got, word by word.
Been working on integrating mail gun into the MVP of the webapp I am creating. Couldn't figure out why I kept getting a 400 response. Check the mail gun documentation and realize that it's expecting post parameters not JSON...
Well there goes those 5 hours.
Anti climactic story time (as in there's no promotion in this story):
Sometime ago there were some organizational changes happening in my company that put me in a very tricky place. Theoretically, I was put on a level that was supposed to be an upgrade from my previous level. Practically, it didn't come with any benefits and it was actually a downgrade because anyone who joined the company in the six months before these changes was in the same level as me (who'd been in for roughly 2 years).
It felt really insulting because I was about to be actually promoted. My manager and his manager tried to gaslight me into believing that I'm not at all affected in any way, before giving in and agreeing that a mistake was made. I was promised that next year it'll be corrected and I'll be promoted two levels. Even the HR assured me of that. I knew it was too good to be true but I was too demotivated to find another job.
Fast forward one year. My bosses are all praises for the work I put in. But, no two level promotion. Reason? They tried but couldn't get the management to agree. The boss apologized to me and asked me if I wanted him to try again. What an insolent arse!
Fast forward one more, extremely glum year.
This time I am part of a different team so the team lead is different but the manager is same. The team lead really went all out with showing appreciation for me. He talked for almost an hour(!) about how I exceeded his expectations and went on to claim that his app's release would have been impossible if it weren't for me, the new team member. It was really humbling and satisfying. But what did I get? A limp handshake from the manager with fucking loose change.
Silver lining. At least the manager did away with the 'well wisher, on your side' pretense this time. No mentions of failed promises, just regular empty promises for the future.
Fast forward 3 months.
Still here. Recovering. I am mulling over a much better offer than what my current boss can give me. Thinking about how long it takes before I'm in the dumpster again. I have stopped giving any fucks about anything here. I try to do the minimum required unless it benefits me in some way.
What's the idea of people contacting you to offer a position, you make an appointment for a phone interview and the person don't call you at the right time and then hours later come with a random excuse. It happened twice with me already. If the idea is to spoil the company reputation, good job. '-'1
"Organization would take disciplinary action against you if are found violating the dress code policy hereafter"
Just got this mail from HR
This is my 3rd mail of the month (1 for late coming + 2 for violating dress code)
This will go straight into my "APPRECIATION MAILS" folder along with the past ones 😁😁😉
So... Three of us have the task to do security reviews for one team... As to who reviews what, we decided on the basic algo of assigning an index to our names and then doing (ticket number) % 3 to get the index and therefore the reviewer for that task... Simple enough, but still you need to modulo the number and remember your index so I created a simple .html file so we can easily see who reviews which ticket by inputting the ticket number... In a hurry I named it whoreview.html
Today, the manager saw it and said to rename it before HR gets involved :D
Trying to set up a FIX connection for my project, but the guy who provides the credentials replies once a day at 11 at night. He works in the US too. I'm convinced he's a vampire now.
Ah the permanent role joblisting converted into a year contract proposal ... They must have used the wrong encryption type :/
Update to my last rant:
I wrote a reply to the person. Not scathing (as I'd have liked it to be) but firm and in a no nonsense way. My manager supported me. My project manager talked with the person to in order to convey what the issue is and to undo any misunderstandings due to written communication (we have different native languages).
I have not received a reply but my project manager told me that they are analyzing the problem now. I was also told that they are not a bad person. ^^
I think I'd like to believe that. We all make mistakes after all.
I have a question i want to learn java and php. So is it ok if I learn it together. Or should learn one first completely than second?3
Fuck when the app builds on everyone else's machine in the company but yours and you have no idea why. I pulled the same branch from the source control, made sure everything was right, even tried just copying it directly from a co-worker's machine but it just won't fucking work. Fuck you extjs for not letting me work for now almost 5 hours. Fuck you.2
My problem now is:
- I want my linkedin profile to be public
- I don't want to be bored every day by spam from recruiters that claim to offer me "A NEW JOB OPPORTUNITY!!!" but don't put any other details about.
I am 100% sure that most of them are searching monkeys for stupid jobs in body rental companies.
At the moment i put a warning on my profile for recruiters to not contact me. I hope this will work.1
Fuck testcomplete, fuck having to spend 40 minutes mapping out every element just to still hang 5 minutes every time you try to check the existence of one, fuck having a software who's sole purpose is to automate testing and save time take hours upon hours to do what a person can do in seconds, and fuck me for having to use this piece of shit to test every single change made to our site.
Saw this in some legacy code today at work:
Long sid = object.getSid();
Long returnValue = (Long) sid.longValue();
Never can be too careful I guess...
I just got a U2F key, and I have an extension for Firefox for it to work on that browser. When I try to set it up in my Google account it wants me to use Chrome. Now why the fuck can't they check for the functionality instead of what browser I'm using?
Second day at my new work when I got notified that my actual working time schedule is not what I have signed for (working in a BPO company, recruiter and HR made a mistake not notifying me about the time schedule update during Job offer, if only I knew it from the start i would definitely not gonna pick this job coz I have other job offers with much more desirable schedule or at least the same morning sched that i want). New required schedule is 3 hours later than my morning schedule, that makes my work starts at the afternoon. I don't want that kind of schedule coz I don't want to go home late given that I'm commuting from work and because of other extra curricular activities outside work.
I feel bad now ☹️2
If you've ever had to do hiring (technical side) of new software developer\s, the seniority in terms of working years is the most valuable criteria for you or the hiring department, or there's else?
On my side I'm a software developer from around 1 year and here (in Italy) your price is, from what I've seen, based on the seniority in terms of time, rarely actual skills\adaptability.
I'm good as a full stack developer and I'm proficient in adapting\learning to-new\new skills about new languages and Frameworks.
Soon I'm leaving my underpaying job with good output from my work\projects, but I'm faced with this seniority nonsense that makes most of the recruiters silent because the new price is similar of someone with high seniority, and I'm kinda tired of this, so I'm here to hear your thoughts about this.
AL freakin M
Seriously some of the most frustrating SW I'd have to work with.
runner up is CA Service Manager.
HR on LinkedIn...
Me: post update on getting a new job on 100 times better company then theirs
after a day...
random hr: we have openings.. send your resume to firstname.lastname@example.org...
adds in looking forward to hear from you. and adds connection request...
what are they actually expecting🤔!!!
"The employee handbook has gone paperless starting this year to help the environment! Please print out the acknowledgement form and deliver to HR that you acknowledge receiving the enclosed PDF of the handbook."2
Today I realized that developer titles at my company are only based on salary. At a certain salary level you will be promoted to senior or lead...1