(In-class, listening to friend)
Friend: I've programmed games before & deployed them. (Summed up)

Me: Cool! What did yo-

Teacher: Get into groups and make a quick access app for the school.

Friend: Hmm.. I'll ask my friend how to do this.

Me, silently annoyed: If you've made a game & deployed it... This should be decently easy for you... *facewall*

My colleague doesn't debug with his own mind and interrupts me way too much dragging me in his hell of confusion. Should I kill him? I'm too good for that.

Me: *desperately trying to finish a webpage before 5pm deadline*
Girlfriend: Why are you always so focused on your computer? You never pay attention to me.
Me: You know I have to work. Besides, you'll always be number 1 in my heart
Girlfriend: Aww that was cute. Okay I'll let you finish working
Me to me: ...arrays start at 0. *continues typing*

Disclaimer: this was stolen from /r/programmerhumor and I have no girlfriend

Boss: Where's that urgent hotfix that we needed last week???

*mutters to myself* Still in your inbox, seeking approval before I can put it into production

I accidentally washed my headphones along with my clothes last night. One side has lost all bass 😢

On the plus side, they smell amazing.

The number of devRants along the lines of "I learnt to code and now get asked to fix printers".

Tomorrow i fulfill my dream to have my own company office. It's small, a bit shit. But hey I'm only 18..

What happened to Angular 3? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

When you open an old project and start wonder what the hell you where thinking when you wrote it

The opposite job..

Chrome Wars is a movie about excessive RAM consumption and love for a browser. #chrome #js #webdev

Quiero mis 10 puntos para poder poner mi avatar :D

I have to implement DSP using Convolution, FFT. And for the past 2 days I have like a million tabs open in Chrome and half of the titles end with ".... for dummies" :D

At least I'm learning something new and when I understand what the math behind those terms does I feel awesome :D

Wtf computer what do you mean mean it doesn't compile?
"Found : at char (95) expecting key word"

*Inspects code*
... Fucking vim..

Taking over the blog for our companies CSS code as it was unresponsive, due to FIXED values. The fun part was roasting the guy who wrote this before me :p

When you were growing up to be a developer and your mom brags about what a genius you were and has literally no idea what she was bragging about...

#IJustInstalledLinuxMomChill...

Funny story my step dad was bragging about me hacking Google to a group of his guys a few months ago (mind you I'm 21, he's a roofing contractor) and he calls me over and is like "yo, Jimmy. Tell them how you hacked google. (Obviously I never "hacked google", whatever that means) and this guy he's talking to say:

"Oh shit. You can do that shazz".

For my own amusement I replied:
"Yeah I hacked google last week. I HTML'd into their json databases to pull out an ASP in order to bash attack on their .Net services using only CSS"

Of course the man's only response at this point was to ask me how much it would cost me to build him a site...

I am a developer, but I think that it's very difficult to explain to my mother what it is about my job.

Just spent a lot of development hours today! Quite more than routine! Not even tired because had great sync with the partner dev! Cheers!

When new developers join in your team, please make a time and help them to get confidence with the project they will work on. Besides the project's documentation there is a human factor that can make the difference between a just another dev team and a great one.

I wanted to make some extra cash so I decided to do some freelancing. Gotta do it in style though haha

Why hazelnut milk gotta separate and make it look like I'm drinking coffee blended with brains?

"Open Source is life", he tweets.

Gets a job offer from Microsoft.

Starts salary negotiation without thinking twice. #irony

Does it confuse anyone else that the ++ button turns red? I feel like it should be green...

Wrote all that alone, I'm so proud of myself!

Co Worker: "Your computer is missing a mouse!"
Me: "I require less dependencies to use a computer"

BBUUUURRRRNN

How I feel about JS promises returning other promises.

(regarding a discussion with a female programmer about an event)

Me: ... But Id feel so out of place, I don't even have a date

Female: well you can always just import a date

Me: what do you mean? 😕

Female: import Java.util.Date;

The doctor said no more redbulls :(

CubeDrone nails it. I don't think I've ever seen even a medium priority task in this company

And we thought no social media platform could match Facebook.