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What a stupid configuration of firewall at my work:
devrant -> blocked because of entertainment category.
xvideos -> no problem at all.
Conclusion: sysadmin likes watching porn.17 -
How To Be A Developer
(Easy Method)
(Note: You need an Android device to be a developer)
Step 1: Go to Settings.
Step 2: Click on "About phone".
Step 3: Click on "Build number" 7 times.
Congratulations, you are now a developer!4 -
Overheard a phone call of a collegue:
Person on phone (P): okay so how do I upload the code?
Colleague (C): well you could use filezilla for example
P: oh... okay... yeah.... So how does that work?
C: you said earlier that you were going to hire a more technical person, a developer, to develop this wordpress side, maybe he/she could help you out with this?
P: I am that developer.
C: 😶😐15 -
Client :- The app is slow on my device, please fix.
Developer :- Working fine on all the devices I tested, are you sure?
Client :- Yes, it's very slow. I can't accept this app.
Developer :- (Recompiles the same codebase again) Here, try this, optimized a lot of calls, took me entire day to do so.
Client :- Yes, it is working fast now
Developer :- (evil laughs)16 -
Boss: we need to make a website.
Dev: we fired the web dev
Boss: you do it then
Dev: I am a mobile dev
Boss: dont care you are a developer
Tbh he isnt wrong but i just hate web development.12 -
Tips for all the programmers out there:
- A programmer is not a PC repair man, just no one seems to remember about that
- Programming is thinking, not typing.
Counting starts from zero, not one.
- Even after completing a degree and courses and working on IT projects, learning never stops. If you want to stay competitive you should also work on personal projects that force you to use languages and software you never work with on the job.
- You don’t need serious math skills to be a developer. However, you’ll need basic algebra, logic, strong problem-solving skills, and most of all, patience.
- You don’t need a degree to be a developer - programming is like almost any profession: if you’re good at it, people will pay you for your skills, regardless of how you got there.
- Sleeping with a problem, can actually solve it.13 -
I absolutely HATE "web developers" who call you in to fix their FooBar'd mess, yet can't stop themselves from dictating what you should and shouldn't do, especially when they have no idea what they're doing.
So I get called in to a job improving the performance of a Magento site (and let's just say I have no love for Magento for a number of reasons) because this "developer" enabled Redis and expected everything to be lightning fast. Maybe he thought "Redis" was the name of a magical sorcerer living in the server. A master conjurer capable of weaving mystical time-altering spells to inexplicably improve the performance. Who knows?
This guy claims he spent "months" trying to figure out why the website couldn't load faster than 7 seconds at best, and his employer is demanding a resolution so he stops losing conversions. I usually try to avoid Magento because of all the headaches that come with it, but I figured "sure, why not?" I mean, he built the website less than a year ago, so how bad can it really be? Well...let's see how fast you all can facepalm:
1.) The website was built brand new on Magento 1.9.2.4...what? I mean, if this were built a few years back, that would be a different story, but building a fresh Magento website in 2017 in 1.x? I asked him why he did that...his answer absolutely floored me: "because PHP 5.5 was the best choice at the time for speed and performance..." What?!
2.) The ONLY optimization done on the website was Redis cache being enabled. No merged CSS/JS, no use of a CDN, no image optimization, no gzip, no expires rules. Just Redis...
3.) Now to say the website was poorly coded was an understatement. This wasn't the worst coding I've seen, but it was far from acceptable. There was no organization whatsoever. Templates and skin assets are being called from across 12 different locations on the server, making tracking down and finding a snippet to fix downright annoying.
But not only that, the home page itself had 83 custom database queries to load the products on the page. He said this was so he could load products from several different categories and custom tables to show on the page. I asked him why he didn't just call a few join queries, and he had no idea what I was talking about.
4.) Almost every image on the website was a .PNG file, 2000x2000 px and lossless. The home page alone was 22MB just from images.
There were several other issues, but those 4 should be enough to paint a good picture. The client wanted this all done in a week for less than $500. We laughed. But we agreed on the price only because of a long relationship and because they have some referrals they got us in the door with. But we told them it would get done on our time, not theirs. So I copied the website to our server as a test bed and got to work.
After numerous hours of bug fixes, recoding queries, disabling Redis and opting for higher innodb cache (more on that later), image optimization, js/css/html combining, render-unblocking and minification, lazyloading images tweaking Magento to work with PHP7, installing OpCache and setting up basic htaccess optimizations, we smash the loading time down to 1.2 seconds total, and most of that time was for external JavaScript plugins deemed "necessary". Time to First Byte went from a staggering 2.2 seconds to about 45ms. Needless to say, we kicked its ass.
So I show their developer the changes and he's stunned. He says he'll tell the hosting provider create a new server set up to migrate the optimized site over and cut over to, because taking the live website down for maintenance for even an hour or two in the middle of the night is "unacceptable".
So trying to be cool about it, I tell him I'd be happy to configure the server to the exact specifications needed. He says "we can't do that". I look at him confused. "What do you mean we 'can't'?" He tells me that even though this is a dedicated server, the provider doesn't allow any access other than a jailed shell account and cPanel access. What?! This is a company averaging 3 million+ per year in revenue. Why don't they have an IT manager overseeing everything? Apparently for them, they're too cheap for that, so they went with a "managed dedicated server", "managed" apparently meaning "you only get to use it like a shared host".
So after countless phone calls arguing with the hosting provider, they agree to make our changes. Then the client's developer starts getting nasty out of nowhere. He says my optimizations are not acceptable because I'm not using Redis cache, and now the client is threatening to walk away without paying us.
So I guess the overall message from this rant is not so much about the situation, but the developer and countless others like him that are clueless, but try to speak from a position of authority.
If we as developers don't stop challenging each other in a measuring contest and learn to let go when we need help, we can get a lot more done and prevent losing clients. </rant>14 -
My nine year old brother : "Hey, I am also an Android developer now!"
Me : "Wtf? You don't even know coding?"
He:
9 -
So my cousin approaches me with his Android phone and, with a worried tone, says:
- "But... is it true that if you enable the developer mode you can get arrested?"
- "What? No. Why?"
- "Because this screen says so. I once enabled them out of curiosity but then I couldn't disable it so I had to reset the phone."
Turns out that, in Italian, "arrest" is a synonym of "halt". The message says "these settings can cause the _arrest_ or malfunctioning of the device"
Couldn't stop laughing 😂
20 -
Had this conversation the other day:
Girl: So, what do you do?
Me: I'm a Software Developer.
Girl: So you write 1 and 0 all the day?
Me: Yes!
----
I actually work with C#3 -
Life of a web developer:
*Birth*
*Create awesome looking websites*
*Make them look bad on clients request*
*Death*2 -
You know you are a senior developer when you go to stackoverflow with only goal to answer questions.5
-
Can we all just take one moment to convey this? Tricking people in to believing they're safe. Is this developer legit?
14 -
The face of a developer when he makes the similar UI as mentioned in the png file given by designer and the designer points out some minor spacing issue
15 -
Friend: what do you do for living?
Me: I am a developer, software engineer.
Friend: Lucky you! you have a comfortable work, always in your desk.
Me inside: *he doesn't have a clue about developers struggling* *dying inside*6 -
Every developer dream:
- Cup of coffee
- Laptop
- Fast internet connection.
Really, I am able to not see the light again with this.22 -
! (rant)
Someone here said that you could get free stuff from Github if you're a student.
Thank you very much.
I got the Student Developer Pack - 2 year membership!10 -
This is my message to that particular developer of Microsoft who made a change in the Win32 API but was too lazy to update the MSDN doc:
FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU. You wasted 3 days of mine and I had to find your fucking change by looking into the source code.7 -
Manager : Developers are always over optimistic.
Dev : this task will take 4 days.
Manager : can't you complete it in 45 minutes? What are the complexities involved?
Dev : okay. I can. Thinks ** I'm a ninja developer** and I can complete this.
*** finishes it in 4 days***
Manager : That's what I said. Developers are always over optimistic.
Developer : -_-7 -
Progression in mindset of a developer trough professional life:
1. I'm going to make my code so efficient and beautiful that everyone will envy it!
2. I'm going to make sure I keep separation of concern.
3. I'm going to make my code at least maintainable for other developers.
4. Well shit. At least it works, for now.3 -
Me: So how do you handle conflict
Candidate: I use git kraken to highlight my conflicts and walk through them one by one
Probably the most developer answer i've ever heard hahaha5 -
Me: I don't spend the prime of my life watching series, I code, I develope, I learn
* Discovers Silicon Valley *
😓8 -
Recruiters and HR plz note there is difference between Web Developer and Web Designer... I repeat there is difference between Developer and Designer.10
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Web Developer Profanity:
Dreamweaver = Motherfucker
GoDaddy = Son of a Bitch
Wix = Go Fuck Yourselves
SquareSpace = Hipster Assholes
Web.com = Piles of dogshit
ASP = Pain in the Ass.9 -
I want a fullstack developer as my husband so that when I ruin things in Frontend, he is there to help me after making fun of me :D29
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When I tell people that I'm a software developer and they ask "Isn't that hard?"
I have no idea how to answer12 -
I think this can be a perfect example of developer and designer.
First work space is mine (developer of course) second work space is my brother who is graphic designer
11 -
So I'm a entry level female Developer and I started a contract to hire position in July. Its my first job as a developer and I love almost everything about it. Except this..., there is a Senior Female Developer on my team who hates me and isn't shy about it. She goes for the throat man! She magnifies any mistake I make, hell she calls me out on things that people would consider positive. In sprint planning this week she got mad at me for pulling tasks from the backlog after finishing mine early. I've tried to do everything I could to make her like me. I patiently listen when she goes on and on about her damn cats, kids, sports, ah everything, and she is a non stop talker.
Her main problem with me, so she tells the head of engineering, is that I bug her too much. I almost laughed when I heard this was her main issue with me! Sure, I asked her the normal amount of newbie questions but it's not like I don't know how to read code or google! In fact I started avoiding talking to her about a month ago because she was so rude to me. Now getting hired on full time comes down to whether or not she can stand me still if I am working on another team. I'm so frustrated because it's impossible to prove my worth to this company with this crazy lady making me look bad. I have no problems with anyone else at work. In fact a lot of us have become good friends. No one understands why she hates me so much. It feels like middle school all over again.
On top of that there is an even newer hire who she is supposed to help bring on to the team, but because of her horrible management skills, I have become his defecto mentor for learning the project, as well as the technologies we use. The stress of being in an uncertain contract to hire position + tyrant coworker + helping the new guy + still learning and having my own work to do has been overwhelming! I don't know what to do other than hope that she doesn't try to sabotage me moving to a new team.29 -
A Geologist and a developer are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The Geologist leans over to the developer and asks if he would like to play a fun game. The Developer just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The Geologist persists and explains that the game is real easy and a lotta fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5. Then you ask me a question, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $5." Again, the Developer politely declines and tries to get to sleep. The Geologist now somewhat agitated, says, "OK, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $50!"
This catches the Developer's attention, and he sees no end to this torment unless he plays, so he agrees to the game. The Geologist asks the first question. "What's the distance from the Earth to the moon?"
The Developer doesn't say a word, but reaches into his wallet, pulls out a five dollar bill and hands it to the Geologist.
Now, it's the developer's turn. He asks the Geologist, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down on four?" The Geologist looks up at him with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all of his references. He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends e-mail to his co-workers -- all to no avail.
After about an hour, he wakes the Engineer and hands him $50. The developer politely takes the $50 and turns away to try to get back to sleep.
The Geologist is more than a little miffed, shakes the developer and asks, "Well, so what's the answer?"
Without a word, the developer reaches into his wallet, hands the Geologist $5, and turns away to get back to sleep.4 -
When people call themselves a "professional web developer," but all they do is set up a Wordpress site with a custom skin. Alright then! 🙄6
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So my friend started this job as a junior software developer at minimum wage and sent me this. You should've figured out what 'ben' means.
16 -
How many developers does it take to change a lightbulb? One. But you can guarantee the next developer who comes into the room will want to take it out and replace the bulb and the fixing because the previous developer did a shit job.
-
I noticed at our company we have 4 kind of developers:
1. Developer who can do psd>html, write some custom js code, put templates on cms... He usually doesnt care about the code. We call them just frontend developers.
2. Developer who work with frontend frameworks, can create SPA, knows a little backend, can code APIs... - Superstar frontend developer.
3. Developer who knows both frontend and backend and can create websites without anyones help. Full stack developer.
4. Full stack developer who does everything above + does mobile app development, IOT dev, cybersecurity, servers setup and gets paid like the first one. Hello, its me.5 -
She asked to tell her a joke.
"My life...", said I.
"Error 404, joke not found..." replied she.
She is also a developer.5 -
You Either Die As A Developer, Or You Live Long Enough To See Yourself Become The Tester
P.S. No offence to Testers. It just i hate testers10 -
The worst part about being a web developer is when clients ruin a perfectly good website by asking for dumb things, even though you told them it's either:
a) near impossible
b) not useful/helpful to users
c) deprecated/no longer used code/techniques
e) will harm performance and SEO
d) just plain stupid8 -
I wish that there was a Developer Options for our brains so that we can enableand disable things like "Hearing: On/Off". 😂14
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My company just got a new developer to work on a legacy PHP app.
My boss was boasting about how this guy has more years of professional experience than me ( I have 9 months of experience and he has been working for 4 years on PHP).
Today was one week since he started and I had him set up a REST API, I had to explain to him what json_encode does and how http requests work.6 -
Is it only me or does anyone else think that they are a bad developer? Everytime im on devrant i think that i dont know shit.. :(8
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Developers Rant
When your team lead tells you to exactly replicate the ui which your designer has done using photoshop and the jpg output is given to the developer.
1 -
Worst part of being a developer: when you suggest a subtle amber shade but your client insists on bright yellow.
3 -
Application level developer: It's so simple just import that dependency and use that API.
Low level developer : That's cute.2 -
!student
Principles of Programming Languages teacher:
No one in industry uses git.
The same guy who refused to take semester project submissions as github links.
Also "Python is never pass by reference/id()"6 -
It's nice to make posts/rants in a community that embraces the developer life. Too many normies on my Facebook or other social media platforms, no one understands or can relate to what I post there. Anyways, glad I found devRant.
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So my boss hired this new guy who's supposed to help us with a bunch of architectural design stuff.
We spoke about developer jokes and I jokingly said I know a good one.
Me: "Why do Java developers wear glasses?" -expecting a blow to the head-
Him: "Why?"
Me: "Dude, seriously? You don't know that one?"
Him: "Nope"
Me: "Because they can't C# !"
Him: *laughing his ass off*
I think the martians are finally here. -
When you edit some HTML with the developer console and then your grandmother says: "But you have to undo it after this, because the owner will be not amused when they see that you have edited their website."
Jup this is how the internet works: everyone can edit their website :D2 -
I recently joined a new company where work is quite different than my previous company.
Every day at work is challenging for me. There is good exposure to learn technology in depth. But time constraint to deliver module like under 3 days does not let me learn my work, also I am not satisfy with the quality of my code that I provide, it more looks like a patch. In my previous company I was favorite developer of my team but here I feel like a fresher who doesn't know from where to start.
Even I feel like my presence does not make any impact in office as I am just like an extra player of the team. I am slow at my work because I learn then I code due to which my manager does not consider me for any new work. I feel like left out in my team.
Once I overheard one of my colleague he called me helpless and were making fun of me. With every passing day I am losing my confidence.
I have no github reputation. It's like I am jack of all trades but master of none.
Every day is like big fight day in office.
I know our only way to survive in this industry is to keep on learning but in smart way. I am not sure what's that smart way?
Any advice would be helpful.5 -
- Seaches "How to get Google
- Play Developer account"
- Clicks on first link
- Enters details
- Sees Price -$25
- Searches " How to get Google play developer account for free"2 -
Hate it when people call themselves a Web Backend developer and all they know is POST and GET method.😡4
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Why did you choose to be a developer?
For me: I always liked to know how softwares work, and watch a thing that I created running!14 -
SSH is the most basic thing a web developer should know.
Some people are just lazy to learn something and all they do is give hard time to other people.2 -
Yes I am a developer and I am good at soccer, come on you naive idiot standing in front of me in complete awe, the days where these things were mutually exclusive are long gone! 🤓⚽️7
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When the department’s large plotter printer broke down, the users demanded they still be able to execute their large reports. The area manager understood reality, if we are waiting on parts, not a lot we can do, but one developer decided to re-write the report/application as a web/.asp application. Mind you, he wasn’t a web developer, mostly VB experience, so the ‘report’ executed the same queries and filled up simple html tables. Did it work? Sort of. The output had none of the specialized formatting like headers, grouping, summary calculations, etc. Since the users could see the data in the web browser and scroll left/right, they were OK with the temporary fix. When I heard this:
Me: “You do know the application could output the report in HTML exactly the way it prints to the printer. All we would have to do enable that feature in the application.”
Dev: “Yea, but I thought it would be cool to do it as a web app.”
Me: “OK, but we should just update the app.”
Dev: “Um...that is going to be difficult, the boss liked my idea so much, he wanted the report replaced with my asp application. I deleted the application from source control and from the network. Sorry.”
Me: “OMFG!…tell me you make a backup!”
Dev: “Ha!...no…boss said you would fight innovation. Web is the future.”
Me: ”What is going to happen when the printer is fixed!? Users are going to flip”
Dev: “Oh, we didn’t think of that. Oh well, that’s your problem now.”
Me: “WTF? My problem?”
Dev: “Yea, you are moving to the team responsible for those legacy applications, since innovation really isn’t your thing. I just got promoted to senior developer.”7 -
Cousins came over...
Me: just compiling some python code, opens up jupyter notebook to take a look at some data science code
Little Sis: *looks at jupnb dump on cmd*
Whoa are you Hacking?
Me: yeah. I got bored of whole Hacking command typing thing so I opened up my hacker console.
*print("hello world")*
Sis:wow!
Me: you know what, typing is too tiresome, I'll connect to it with my mind
*alt-tab*
*cmatrix -b*
*sits in yoga pose*
Little Sis: Screams at the top of her lungs and runs to aunt
"DAVE IS HACKING MATRIX"4 -
When you your first developer job... Time to find out whether it's imposter syndrome or if I'm just stupid.
-
That feeling when a bug has been bugging me for 3 days, I find that little information in API source code and using that I make a fix.
Developer life is so worth it :) -
Friend : Your bed has your laptop, your clothes and all of this. How do you even sleep here.
Me : I'm a developer. I don't sleep by choice. I am just sitting on my chair, doing stuff and a point comes when the body just can't take it anymore. That's when I hit the sack. So you see...2 -
Sometimes I feel like, even thought being a Software Engineer, I know web development better than 70%-80% so called professional "Web Developer"15
-
When people think you're addicted to gaming, but you're just really keen on developing that next feature. People just don't understand the underappreciated life of an add-on developer. We're shit on by the game developer, and users alike.
2 -
Full stack developer.
I know what it's supposed to mean, but I feel like it gives discredit to the devs who perfect their area (frontend, backend, db, infrastructure). It's, to me, like calling myself a chef because I can cook dinner..
The depth, analysis and customization of the domain to shape an api to a website is never appreciated. The finicle tweaks on the frontend to make those final touches. Then comes a brat who say they are full stack, and can do all those things. Bullshit. 99.9% of them have never done anything but move data through layers and present it.
Throw these wannabes an enterprise system with monoliths and microservices willy nelly, orchestrate that shit with a vertical slice nginx ssi with disaster recovery, horizontal scaling, domain modeling, version management, a busy little bus and events flowing all decimal points of 2pi. Then, if you fully master everything going on there, I believe you are full stack.
Otherwise you just scraped the surface of what complexities software development is about. Everyone who can read a tutorial can scrape together an "in-out" website. But if your db is looking the same as your api, your highest complexity is the alignment of an infobox, I will laugh loud at your full stack.
And if you told me in an interview that you are full stack, you'd better have 10+ years experience and a good list of failed and successful projects before I'd let you stay the next two minutes..3 -
Landing a junior web developer position seems nearly impossible. I've been working as contractor for a few months just to get the portfolio and experience but it starts to look futile. If this continues for a year, I'll become an analyst or something. Sorry for the long rant.17
-
Unfortunately, "developer brain" does not respond. You have the following options:
Option A
Refill coffee-mug, drink and keep on waiting for a response.
Option B
Go to sleep.2 -
I gave this so called web developer username and password to ssh into our server. This is his reply:
"Hey we tried to log into your server. We are getting permission error. Please fix that"
Me: Sure, can you tell me how are you trying to connect?
"We tried to ssh like this: ssh root@xxx.com"
Me (in my mind): WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU USING ROOT FOR!?!11 -
................. "DEVELOPER"...............
Because full-time multitasking ninja is not an actual job title. -
I often hold pee and poop to close my parenthesis for a function and before I rush to the toilet. There's nothing else make me so enthusiastic except writing code, although I'm just a newbie developer.3
-
I had my first ever dev interview yesterday, at a local cybersec startup(FullStack Python position)
I think it went smooth, they said if we continue the process they would give me a small dev task to complete to prove my abilities, and asked how much time of notice to give my current employers before leaving.
I can't wait to leave 4 years of sysadmin and finally move on to be a (professional) developer! 🤞3 -
Teacher asks the class:
"How do you become a good developer?"
All the students starts talking about algorithms, problem solving or working in a team.
He nods and starts writing on the board. w w w. g o o g l e . c o m
He then leaves the classroom.
So here I am years later, a master googler and a expert stack overflower.4 -
Hello everyone, first time ranter here! I have been studying Computer Science for 2 years starting September. The program introduced me to Java,HTML,CSS, JS and php. I feel like even though I am currently studying this I still do not "know" how to code. For example when I look at my classmates when they code it all seems so effortless and smooth, if they run into an issue they will usually solve it within the hour where as when I run into an issue I struggle to even see what the problem is. So the real point of this rant is, how do I improve? I am currently doing the #100daysofcode to get better but sometimes I feel so far away from calling myself a "developer" what is your road to the "developer" title? did you struggle as much as I am at the moment? or did you just sail into it like my classmates?16
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!rant !notrant !confession_maybe? Bit of a read.
Last year, around September (around 8 months into my first job in the industry), I started loosing motivation to be a developer. By then I had consistently dropped out of 3 or 4 courses for my degree (no penalties as it was pretty much within the starting weeks of the each course). I was think that I do not want to do this. It got so bad that I was looking for other jobs and even trade apprenticeships (I am old-ish so chances of that are so bloody low).
I had my mind set. Including not wanting to finish the degree I had started, which only had 1 year as full time to complete.
My missus supported me in my decision making, but she insisted that I finish the degree as the years I spent on it would have been a waste if I don't. So I agreed, with the idea that I will do this part time when I find another job.
Fast forward to New Years and a very spontaneous decisions was made. I resigned from my dev job and we ended up moving away to another city, two weeks later. By this point on I was so certain that I did not want to be in the IT industry. I had not done any dev work (personal projects or learning new technology etc) outside of the job for months. It had been months since I've visited devrant (to be honest it was not even installed on my phone, mainly because I broke my phone and after having it replaced I had not reinstalled a large portion of the apps I used). I had sold my custom built pc thinking that we do not need two PC's (we kind of don't, she's fine with her laptop) which meant no more dev stuff as none of this stuff was set up on my missus pc. I was looking for all kinds of jobs outside of the IT industry, anything really.
But then something happened. And this is that something. I mean this, deverant. I was flicking through the apps list on google play store, and I saw devrant, and I choose to reinstall it. I began reading rants and comments and I am certain that this made me realise why I want to be a developer. Within about 2 weeks of redownloading deverant I was enrolled full time as a uni student fully motivated to earn my degree.
There are bits and pieces left out of the story. I don't regret leaving my first ever dev job and moving away, it does seem drastic but it changed me for the better I believe. I have the experience from that role and I new fresh start so to speak. I think my missus new this was just a phase, although it felt so certain about it.
I am more of a lurker than a ranter or a commenter on this social platform but I felt that I need to share this. Thanks for reading this. Not really sure what to tag this. Has anyone else experienced this before?5 -
What must someone do to be called a developer? Is there some number of projects that someone should complete before they should call themself a developer?14
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Developer burnout.
Have you guys dealt with it? If so, what are your recommendations to me so I can pull myself out of this mud?12 -
Ok guys. I have a very important question to ask you.
I need your help. How do you explain to your girlfriend/boyfriend that you are a developer so you need to spend a lot of time on your computer? My new girlfriend does not want to understand.
Thanks guys.41 -
When a client tries to sue but then realizes their fight was nullified by the signed contract.
Bird = client
Fox = Developer
5 -
I am learning the job "Developer". I have to go to a school, where my classmades think, developing a application is easy AS playing computer games. I call the guys stupid. Is that right?8
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While I was still in University I didn't valued much the importance of comments and documentation, mostly because my projects were small and I was working on them by myself. Frankly, writing comments felt like a waste of time those days.
Now that I'm a junior developer working with an existing code base and together with other devs I couldn't be more grateful seeing those green lines of human readable strings. Without them I would have struggled more and probably been less productive.1 -
First week at job as newly graduated from CompSci. And I feel like a fucking monkey trying to figure out how everything works, I have help from the main developer but it feels like I have to ask questions all the time and I can feel the judgement in his voice. Today I committed my first lines of code (phoneformatting) and he basically had to hold my hand the whole way through. I feel like shit atm, I really want to be good at this, I watch tutorials but when it comes down to it my mind just blanks out and I can't figure out how to even write a simple fucking method in php (which he did and my brain just shut down ). Please help me, how do I improve at remembering all these terminologies, I feel like if I keep it up like this they won't have me around for long.7
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When a gamer is also a developer:
Idiot: What kind of game is that? I only has a crap load of words!
Me: Yeah, it's called Android Studio2 -
What is an appropriate title for me?
I do full-stack web development (back and front-end), but I've also been making desktop software longer than I've been making websites.
I want a title that is short, but not single-worded, that conveys that I do both web and software development, but without explicitly saying "web and software developer".
I lack formal certification, if that makes any difference.
I like the sound of Full-Stack Web Developer, but don't want the 'web' part because it implies I don't do software development.15 -
Just got yelled at by by a senior dev. I know I am not the best developer but...I am depressed now. I wanna be better and prove myself. I admit I am distracted way to easily but I need help bad. Idk how to earn back the respect of my coWorkers.9
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It seems almost everyone here is a web or mobile developer of some sort. Am I the only non-student, desktop developer? I occasionally do some backend web stuff, but I just do a lot of desktop stuff (mostly C++)5
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Don't use your senior software engineer title or years of experience as reasons in a debate or argument about software
My manager was asking me what steps needs to be done to perform a disaster recovery for our cluster( on production). I will be honest here, I have not maintained this type of cluster(kubernetes) in production before. However, I have enough understand of the system to answer my boss question. I basically told him there are A, B, C you have to do.
My senior developer jumped in and said "No you should do A,C, B because C is more critical than B. " I then replied to him: "I understand your point, I notice that too, but .." Before I can even finish my sentence, this dude has already rolled his eyes and interrupted me very loudly: "Have you worked with these systems on production before? I did". The asshole knows I haven't maintained Kubernetes on production yet of course.
I got super pissed at him and pretty much shouted back to him and my manager: "Just because I haven't worked on this system on production yet, does not mean my argument is wrong" .
I then dragged my managers, that asshole, and other engineers in a room and settle this out. In the end, people agreed with my steps over that asshole senior engineer dude because I gave them rational reasons.
The conclusion is: Your senior title is given by the company, It doesn't mean anything to me. Also, it doesn't make you more right than another person just because he has a "lower" title than you.1 -
Yesterday, I came to Facebook Developer Circle Hackathon and the first idea that comes to my head is "Reduce Facebook, Reduce Suck". it's a Chrome Extension to block your Facebook while you working.2
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I would like to see a full stack developer version of it.
Found this on 9gag it's fucking hilarious...
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Being a backend developer, the most difficult job is to write <button class="btn btn-primary">Sign up</button> 😞3
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Started a new Factorio run.
Started implementing logic gates in it.
Started to think if I was half as OCD and productive in my code, I'd be an awesome developer.
Started to cry.
(for those of you who never heard of it, Factorio is the best building sim game ever)3 -
In my first place there was a guy, we'll call him S.
So S. was not very popular, he had an intimidating look all the time, wore workout dryfit clothes and seldomly smelt like he didn't take a shower in quite a long time. He has an iOS developer on my team. He was blazingly smart and called every code he saw garbage. Nice guy indeed :)
He was a fine guy after you got to know him and get accustomed to his weirdness... Smelly nonetheless :)2 -
TLDR;
How much do you earn for your skill set in your country vs your cost of living?
BONUS;
See how much I & others earn.
Recently I became aware of just how massive the gap in developers earnings are between countries. I'd love to calculate a fixed score for income vs cost of living.
I know this stuff is sensitive to some so if you prefer just post your score (avg income p/m after tax / cost of living).
I'm not shy so I'll go first:
MY RATES
Normal Rate (Long term): $23
Consulting / Short term: $30-$74
Pen Test: $1500 once off.
Pen Test Fixes: consulting rate.
Simple work/websites: min $400+
Family & Friends: Dev friends are usually free (when mutually beneficial). Family and others can fuck off, even if they can pay (I pass their info to dev friends with fair warning).
GENERAL INFO
Experience: 9 years
Country: South Africa
Developer rareness in country: Very Rare (+-90 job openings per job seeker).
Middle class wage in country: $1550 p/m (can afford a new car, decent apartment & some luxuries like beer/eating out).
Employment type: Permanent though I can and do freelance occasionally.
Client Locality: Mostly local.
Developer Type: Web Developer (True web dev - I do anything web related from custom HTTP servers to sockets, services, advanced browser api's, apps & more).
STACKS / SKILLSETS
I'M PROFICIENT IN:
python, JavaScript, ASP classic, bash, php, html, css, sql, msql, elastic search, REST, SOAP, DOM, IIS, apache
I DABBLE WITH:
ASP.net, C++, ruby, GO, nginx, tesseract
MY SPECIALTIES:
application architecture, automation, integrations, db's, real time data, advanced browser apps/extensions (webRTC, canvas etc).
SUMMARY
Avg income p/m after tax: $2250
Cost of living (car+rent+food): $1200
Score: 1.85
*Note: For integrity when calculating my cost of living I excluded debt repayments and only kept my necessities which are transport, food & shelter.
I really hope you guy's post your results, it would be great to get an idea of which is really the worst / best country to be a developer in.20 -
Being the only one in my friend group who is a developer, I keep getting asked ridiculous things like "can you install XYZ for me?" "can you get rid of this virus for me?" "Can you fix my microwave?" I wish I was kidding.2
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Developer: we are going o have to do it this way because it's the only way I can get it to work.
Other developer: what are you on about that's a easy thing to do you should not be doing it that way you idiot are you thick or something! do it this way the correct blah blah way, "let me show you moron (says out loud to everyone in the office) to show how superior and awesome they are"......
Two hours later, "yes we will have to do it your way in the end, my way doesn't work"
I fucking told you that 2 hours ago. Some people just don't believe lol #timewasted1 -
So it turns out when you tell normal people that your a software developer, they don't know what that is which explains why they don't ask you to fix anything hardware related2
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I am a developer, but I think that it's very difficult to explain to my mother what it is about my job.
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Been a freelancing for quite a while now and forgot what's it's like to work in a company. Have you got any tips that I could benefit from? Got an interview coming up this week and want to impress them. BTW I'm a Web developer.5
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When your website is tested after months of efforts and then tons of bugs come up....
Gonna fix each of it..
Y am such a poor developer.. !!!! 😖😞2 -
I know there has been a million stories on people asking developers for free/cheap work, and having this happen constantly is probably one of the biggest ways coding has impacted my life, but it happened to me for the umpteenth time this morning and I'm still reeling from it.
A close friend of mine asked me to create a bespoke website for her new business. I currently work as a Software/Web Developer so I assume this made sense in her head to ask her friend first.
She gave me some requirements and seeing as I already had a figure in mind, I asked for her budget. She says - 'I don't want to say a figure and insult you with it being too low'.
I tell her I'll work out a figure that benefits both of us, seeing as I would be using this as experience to try out some new stuff and she doesn't want it done until January. Because of this I was already going to give her a great deal on it anyway (in comparison to what it would be if I charged her through the company) because it would practically be a project I'd work on if I had a spare evening.
She said, and I quote: 'We preferably don't want to spend more than £200, and if it's less that is even better'.
I think I was actually more insulted that she thinks something I do for a living is worth £200 or less.
She thinks that designing, programming and writing content for a website is worth < £200.
I think she'll be shocked when I give her the quote that I had in mind. Looks like she'll be getting a WiX website or something for that kind of money.3 -
"I used to be a developer back in the days"
yep ... maybe this is true - but the fact is: I'm the developer and you aren't - do your fucking work and don't bother me with stuff you don't understand ...2 -
Been working on an Android app for a month and finally when it was time to publish I couldn't pay Developer registration fee for God knows what reason. :/
Keep getting
"An unexpected error occurred. Please try again later"
Feeling like shit :/3 -
If there was an anime Based on developers.
==Start===
Dev : here comes my favorite browser.
Mouse : No, not until I'm here.
Hand : whattttt? What's happening??
Mind : oh NO!! I why's Internet Explorer is loading?!?
Faster Mind : it's mouse, he's behind all this. Only he's powerful enough to pull off something like this.
Time : Developer-san SAVE me!!
IE : it's too late now, if you do anything it will just slow everything down!!! Hahahah
Dev : No it won't, don't ever underestimate a true developer. It's not over yet!!
*Some keyboard key combination
Time : *screams* developerrr-saaaan!!
Hand : wait, I know it, it's happening. We can still save Time-chan.
IE : WHAT!! No, it can't be!!
Dev : here comes Ctrl+Alt+Del. Be gone....
IE : Nooooooooooooo, this isn't happening, Aaaaaa *dead*
Hand : we did it!!!12 -
Seriously,
when a company asks to recruit a developer, but only female developer for a regular post.
What IS exactly the work to do? 🤔11 -
She - * I am yours for tonight, do whatever you want.*
Developer - * Can you create a good looking brand logo for my client.*
She - Cries in corner.......🤔😂😂😂😂1 -
How will you feel?
I have been working at my current firm for more than 2 years now. I was first member in the team to be hired. The project was a pain before I joined as it was handled entirely by vendors.
There was no standards, no documentation, everything used to break every other day, users were not happy, etc.
I came in, started introducing all the process from code reviews, documentation standards, migration practices, best practices, cleaned up many technical debt items, single handedly handled upgrades with zero issues. Also helped expand team, recruited people, got them up to speed, etc.
All this and more while still working on enhancements, production support, on call duties, working in long and odd hours and all.
And people still address me as 'That offshore developer'. They don't even seem to recall or care about knowing my name.
I am not sure how I am supposed to feel or even feel at all. But this felt immensely disrespectful and belittling.3 -
What's the actual requirements to be called full stack developer? I do front-end, back-end, database, server, my own api's etc. I even have a t-shirt with "Keep calm and hug a printer". I've been doing this for 15 years and would not call me an expert in any part and certainly not privilegied for the full stack title. So what is?
If this was a humblebrag then please shoot me..8 -
So recently moved to a new place. New roommates. Thought lets initiate a talk. Found out one of em is a web developer.
Me: So, what you working on?
Him: Web technologies
Me: oh great...I worked on ReactJS and AngularJS.
Him: Our company uses AngularJS.
Me: So you work on AngularJS, right?
Him: Oh no I don't work on AngularJS...I am a frontend developer...
(Awkward silence)
(Inner me: No shit. Need to find new place.)
Should I tell him? -
I learned you can access developer options on Android by tapping your build number in the information settings, it gives you a little notification and reveals the secrets hidden from the average user. It's neat, I like it, you should see if it helps you in any way If you use Android.1
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People completing Stanford + Andrew Ng's course and bragging how they know machine learning in and out while having no idea how to code simplest application using the simplest libraries.3
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Small warning: The plugin “Web Developer“ was hacked and shows shady ads and does maybe even more in the background. Better disable it for now.2
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How do you guys take care of your eyes? I've been coding on this uni project since 2 weeks and my eyes have literally turned into fried nuggets. And my head hurts like shredded tacos.
My ophthalmologist prescribed me mild painkillers and anti inflammatory and lubricant eye drops.
This knowledge will be useful to all :)23 -
Hi there everybody! Just joined the community, an aspiring Java developer (just started learning a few months ago so I am nowhere near calling myself a "Developer"). I'm committed to becoming a developer, and I am trying to join every community and every conversation out there possible to immerse myself as much as I can. Any advice, guidance, people/conversations here to look out for, anything that will help me in my Journey would be greatly appreciated!10
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Please excuse my ignorance but what distinguishes a junior developer from an entry-level developer, in practical terms?
Is it basically that a junior developer has some practical experience where an entry-level developer has very little to none?4 -
Don't refractor for fun!
An anecdote from my previous company. A developer had written a shitty java console app for fetching stock prices. About 3000 LOC. just one java GOD class. So, when me and my friend looked at it, we were amazed how that code works with all that if conditions spanning 100LOC. so. My dear friend underestimated the complexity. Since it just fetches stock price and puts in database right. I can write it in few days and much better one. So, he started writing code in an OO way. Three days later I see he still working on it. Having a glimpse at code. The app is now Object oriented shitty and ugly.
Guess what new code never goes in prod too.
Learning
Don't underestimate complexity of app.
Be empathic about fellow developer. Don't think he has written a shitty code. Think why he had to do so.
Don't work on refractors if there is no one to guide you.3 -
Is it a Bug or a Feature?
Why am I seeing all the ++ scores in Binary?
(I Checked, those are up votes in Binary)
Devs are you drunk? Or is it April fools?
EDIT : steps to reproduce
1.open devrant app
2.click on any rant that appears in the feed
2 -
I wonder if being a developer was originally thought of as an undesirable position...
"We need to pay people to sit at a computer all day writing code, sometimes skipping meals, getting less sleep and dealing with all our clients shit"2 -
Today a senior developer and a colleague started looking into my code reviews and started commenting best practices that were never used in the team.
Got my chance back at the senior developer's code when he raised a code review, which had none of the best practices.
Gave back a good set of review comments to him :D
Karma is a boomerang :)2 -
Life of an Oracle Developer ... Day {I've lost bloody count now}
Task: Optimise a 236 line cursor consisting of 7 SQL SELECTS and unions, 39 joins and nested sub queries galore.
"YAYYY" said no one ever ...3 -
"""Itty bitty frustration"""
# wannabe mode on
import sklearn
iris_dataset = sklearn.datasets.load_iris() -
https://hackernoon.com/how-it-feels...
After reading this post, I am so confused what to with this life. I thought of becoming a full stack developer. After reading it, I am thinking, is this I want to do with my life. How many libraries, frameworks, technologies and languages should I learn.
Getting confused what to do now. Grrrr...2 -
me: When will you change this job ?
co-worker: Not now. Want to stay here for a while.
Just seen stackoverflow developer survey results
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I'm actually looking for a new job.
A friend of mine: "I heard that company X is looking for informaticians."
Me: "And what is the job exactly? Do you know which languages/technologies they are asking for?"
Friend: "Fixing computers/printers problems and form employer on how to use product Y"
Me: "No way."
Friend: "Why?"
Me: "..." (Long explanation on the difference between developer and technical support)
I should have understood when she said "informatician" instead of "developer"..1 -
When you have to write super detailed description so the offshore developer doesn't screw up the task...but better yet when the outcome is 👌🏽
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Not a web developer, but last time I discovered that developer tools from Mozilla are much more reach in many small but useful functionalities. For example blackbox mode or eyedropper. Plus all other awesome stuff from Chrome.
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So asked to help out on an extra project that another Dev ( who is a senior developer ) is working on and I go to clone the repo but find 15 or so commit messages on the master branch saying "Work on feature x" (not an actual x). This is going to be fun...
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Full stack developer?! Which one is hard front end or back end? I'm talking about MEAN other than mongodb!5
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So .. now its official. In October this year, ill start my apprenticeship as Web & Mobile- developer . It'll take me 3 years to left it as a certified computer scientist with focus on development. Im so happy right now and almost exploding excited !! :)))))1
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How many late invoices are acceptable for a developer working in an early stage startup before they should stop believing in their own team?
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Every developer thrives to be the best. But, it's not only the skills, hard work or knowing infinite languages makes you the best. It only makes you the good.
Along with skills, hard work & the languages, the best one needs to have those instincts about the possible solutions to a problem and ability to decide and implement the most efficient solution cleanly in least amount of time.
I'm thriving to be the best. Are you?3 -
Inherited a legacy system from a developer and it's a freaking nightmare! The majority of the system uses timestamps and not record ID's to handle data. When the clocks change (daylight savings) none of the records can be seen in the system because the freaking timestamps don't match up!! Arrghh this is going to take me ages to fix!!2
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Yesterday my team lead told me that if I won't become a middle developer in three months, he will fire me :( He said that this should motivate me to work harder, but instead, I feel depressed and start to question my career choice.6
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Is it essential for a developer to steal or copy code from different sources to satisfy their client or it's a common thing????😞2
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Anyone else work at a company where the employees don't know the difference between a developer and a help desk person??5
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As a developer, when learning a new language how do you know when your good enough to start making projects to test knowledge or skill?6
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Have anyone of you ever asked during an interview why did the previous developer leave the job at this company?
I just want to know if it's good or bad thing to ask during an interview. I don't want to sound rude.6 -
I hate requirements. I just want to code. Maybe I should call myself an abstract developer. You don't know what you're going to end up with when I start coding.3
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Is it just me or does the Google Play developer console gets worse and worse with every change they make. Right now its bullshit they add one nice Feature but then fuck up multiple other things at once
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On my first job I was a "Web developer" who made websites with WordPress and I was the only Web developer. Now on my second job I am a "Web programmer" who made websites with Joomla...1
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I really wish i had the opportunity to work at larger companies tht move the industry (facebook, twitter, google, amazon). Just to experiancr even as an intern regardless of what people say negative or positive. Just work with brilliant minds and this will make me see and experiance things and make me a better developer but mainly be myself and a better person.3
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Listening to @addlinny and @cascross123 dealing with our apple developer account, I probably need popcorn for this!3
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My co-worker ask me today, what is the different between Junior and Senior developer. We can’t call a person senior developer because they have been doing junior stuffs for long time.1
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That feeling you get when you apply for a new job and they respond in less then a day saying that they're intrested and need you to send in some of your best projects 😎.
Its been more than a week now,and Ive lost all hope.This was going to be my first job as a web/android developer5 -
Starting job where I am no longer a developer doing developing.
Damm I hate the ops job, now they letting me do pm work without pay raise or anything.
So worse mistake I ever made....1 -
So in my short time as a software developer I find myself that I sometimes get bored working (I feel like I'm doing the same thing from 9 to 5 everyday) don't get me wrong I like my job a lot but sometimes I feel like it's not satisfactory.
Do you get bored like this? And what do you do to keep it exciting for you (Don't go into money please I don't think it's the reason for happiness)2 -
I don't get it.
The job listing is for a developer. I applied as a developer.
Why do they ask me whether I'd be willing to do tech support? What's their motive?6 -
At a salary of $11/hour, no overtime, is a junior web developer with no previous experience and no personal project undervalued?25
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I have some down time at work & nobody on my team has any extra work to go around, so I thought I'd use the down time to learn a new skill. I am a front end developer who mostly works with HTML, CSS, PHP & a small amount of JavaScript. I do a lot of work with flex box, and frameworks like bootstrap. I've been considering learning angular or working on my php as that's my weak area. Any suggestions on cool things to learn and/or where to learn them?1
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I used to dislike WordPress. Now I really hate it. Having to work on some guys' website with wordpress which was clearly set up by some fucking wannabe developer who didn't know or care jackshit about anything. For fucking real man.5
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new Suit() + new Developer() == interview() ;
The irony here is I usually wear casual to interviews6 -
!rant
https://facebook.com/StudentProblem...
He must be developer.
It is alright bud. It is alright.2 -
So I had an interesting conversation with a "developer" from another org:
Me: "So I might have a new client. Their site really needs an update."
Them:"Let me see." *goes to perspective client site*
Them:"Wow, that's bad!"
Me:"Yep it hasn't been touched since 08"
Them:"No, that's not the reason. The reason it looks this bad is because it is made with php."
10 -
Which one of these job types is the easiest to get into(interview and HR-wise, not professionally)?
- Full Stack Developer
- Android Developer
- Backend Developer
- Devops Engineer
I'm a security/sysadmin who wants to move to dev and have some skills and experience in each of them. Do you think they will take that into account?5 -
I love the look on the faces my nodejs friends when i tell them how much things are simplified and developer friendly in Rails💎 xD
for eg devise, omniauth, etc.
PS: all of us are noobies, i know the main reason of this is rails is older and mature -
A movie about a developer will be black and white. Either black should exist or white. Both appears to co exists but in reality may be not.2
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>was talking with Friend about editors
>friend uses atom
>I use sublime
>"man I can't believe such a great editor is free!"
>"yeah man but at least atom is funded by a company"
> https://sublimetext.com/buy/?v=3.0
>
>80$ cha ching
>**well shit**
>
>Respect++
>
>looks at vim
>"nahhhhh it's all community efforts"1
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