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Me if there's no coffee at work:
(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻ I WANT COFFEE.
┻━┻ ︵ ヽ(°□°ヽ) I WANT COFFEE.
┻━┻ ︵ ＼\('0')/／ ︵ ┻━┻
I WANT COFFEE!
ಠ_ಠ Kurt...
ಠ_ಠ Put.
ಠ__ಠ The tables.
ಠ___ಠ Back.
(╮°-°)╮┳━┳
(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻ NEVER!24 -
Monday morning cup of coffee with my new mug. Definitely my favorite thing on my desk at the moment.
8 -
The inside of my coffee cup looked too pretty,had to stop to admire and click.
Wish my phone had a better camera.
54 -
There's a fancy new coffee machine in the office. When it breaks, it displays java exceptions on the screen. 😂10
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Our coffee machine at work is broken. We're a fucking high tech company delivering unique solutions with millions of requests every second of the day to over 60 countries, how can we not have a working fucking COFFEE MACHINE in the kitchen? How are we suppose to keep the lights on if we can't get our daily coffee god damnit?! It's been broken for over a week.
Sure, I'll just walk to the floor upstairs to get coffee LIKE THEY DID IN THE EIGHTEEN HUNDREDS. Maybe I should just come in to work on a horse with armor stabbing some funny looking fucker because it seems like we're living in the GOD DAMN EIGHTEEN HUNDREDS and that was a totally legit action back then. Get your shit together, call the company providing the coffee machine service and just have them fix it. How hard can it be??12 -
The bad thing today: I killed my laptop with coffee.
The good thing today: it was my company laptop, not my private one.21 -
Local coffee shop/tech book store says what we're all thinking.
This is pretty on brand. They're my favorite local book store. If you're ever in town, definitely visit.
https://www.adasbooks.com/
9 -
!rant I guess. Its coffee on a chip. Just spend 3h making this board to be implemented in my coffee machine. Just to wake up with the smell of coffee. The board is 2.9 by 3.2 cm
12 -
Not entirely dev related.
Just wondering if I'm the only one on here who actually EATS coffee beans regularly?
😐44 -
To all you people who finish the coffee in the kitchen and walk away, you are dicks and we know who you are. Use this to stop being a dick...
8 -
SO FUCKING MUCH COFFEE!!!! FUUUUUCK!!
I'M LITERALLY BURSTING OF ENERGY!!!
I CAN'T EVEN CONCENTRATE ON MY WORK ANYMORE!!14 -
This morning I got up a little earlier, and managed to make myself a proper cup of coffee in my favorite cup
4 -
Really fucking sick of people taking my coffee mugs on the drying rack and taking them back to their desk. It's not yours. It doesn't have our company logo or your company logo. It's obviously not yours so don't fucking touch it.
This is the second coffee mug of mine to go missing in 16 months. You work at a tech company buy your own fucking mug or open your mouth wide and catch your hot bean water you fuck.14 -
I drink so much coffee. I sweat coffee. I pee coffee. I probably emit coffee waves into the air and get other people caffeinated. Here's to all of my fellow coffee-emitting programmers!
6 -
I am programmer for over 1 year and still don't drink coffee and other alcoholic drinks to be energetic😅36
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When the coffee you had in the morning kicks in all at once.
Now my heartbeat is faster than my keystrokes4 -
When you visit your mom's and she made coffee
*sip*
What is this? Water? Why can't I feel the tingling of the caffeine fighting my fatigue?
*sip*
This can't be coffee, my vision is still not starting to blur!2 -
When coding at work is too intense to return the coffee mugs. One more to complete the triangle and call to our the coffee gods.
4 -
In-laws don't drink coffee, they just pour it and let the mug warm their hands, thus hogging the coffee I could have drank.
What kind of monster family did I marry into?4 -
Morning Ritual
1. Start all devices
2. Check headset status
3. Check emails
4. COFFEE <3
5. First call...
6. 20 annoying minutes of two people talk to each other without a result
7. COFFEE <3 ... cold2 -
Here's a tip to caffeinated-beverages lovers.
People often make this mistake with coffee.. They take a cup of coffee after lunch and expect it will make them productive and concentrated immediately. That's BS. Wait for the pee.
Digestion takes ~27% of your body energy molecules [ATP], so you will anyway be sleepy.
When you ingest a cup of coffee you ingest a warm beverage. The warmth will most likely make you sleepy and the sleepiness might last 5 to 15 minutes.
Caffeine in the coffee acts as diuretic - it makes your kidney filter blood more aggresively. As a result 20-40minutes after ingestion you will want to pee.
When you want to pee it's an obvious sign the caffeine is working. Now you should be productive.
Brain [cerebrum] uses glucose molecules for energy rather than ATP, like the rest of the body does. So for the best effect:
- have lunch
- have coffee with sugar during or right after the lunch [do not drink coffee if your stomach is empty!! Ulcers, gastritis, refluxes - that's your future if you do]
- wait ~30 minutes or until you pee
- go to do your work.
This way you will not be working sleepy and your brain will have enough pure glucose to operate on [sugar is just 2x glucose molecules bound together]19 -
The other week, our coffee machine broke. No code was written.
Today, coffee machine broke. No code written.
Think I found the secret ingredient to writing code!2 -
Laying next to my snoring wife... My mind is running on what coding her snoring pattern would be like.2
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Got a coffee grinder from my grand parents. Pretty old school, but I like it!! 😍
Just brew a big cup of coffee. It just tast delecious. ❤
8 -
What happens when I had too little coffee? I just tried ssh-ing to a server with user@user@server.com and wondered why it didn't work -.-6
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I hate coffee machines that give you a predefined amount.
I hate coffee machines that don't have enough clearance to fill a big size mug.
I hate weird coffee flavors.
I hate foamy coffee.
I just want plain old drip coffee that I can get enough off without being a hassle in the morning.
There, off my chest.3 -
Just wondering: How many cups of coffee do you guys average, a day? Or do you drink something else? I'm curious!26
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When I get myself a coffee in the morning, opening up my IDE, looking at the legacy code.. my brain starts yelling: "out of the way coffee, this is a job for whiskey"2
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I noped out of the coffee communism in my company. It's always the same assholes who just take the last cup out of the thermos jug and don't set up a new one. I'm fed up with this shit, and the company coffee itself is also cheap. I'm with my French Press and custom coffee now.8
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Why the fuck isn't there a DevRant coffee mug in the swag store? I am sick and tired of drinking java from a freakkin' plate.
12 -
Made caffeine consumption personal record today. 11 cups of coffee (11*250ml = 2750ml). In each 250ml there's around 100mg of caffeine. 1100mg of caffeine in one day. Huh. Not bad. Yes, I am still alive and I feel so good.22
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!rant
Anybody else use coffee to postpone eating because you're too busy or on a role of bug free coding?8 -
The worst thing a medic can say to a programmer is: "you need to stop drinking coffee". Happened to me :(11
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Instead of coffee to start your morning, try prod going down on Saturday! It will really get your blood pumping!2
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When there is no coffee beans in the office and/or the different ways of making coffee is not working that day.4
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Started working as a developer about 2 months ago and on the first day of of work I was tought how to make coffee.
I couldn't understand why is coffee so important to the everyone in the company. I didn't drink the coffee for the first 2 week.
Now after many sleepless nights spent coding i then realise why the people worship the drink so much.
People get very pissed when they go to coffee machine and find that there is no coffee then the last person to have a cup is going to be shouted at and at times even get insulted.
Now coffee is my fuel and cant do much without it.5 -
I am a developer but I don't drink coffee.
Well, that's partially because I have stomach ulcer for 4+ years now and partially because I was never too much of a fan of hot drinks.
Is there any other dev out here who doesn't drink coffee?18 -
NullDeveloperException : When the coffee pot is empty and developer is not set to an instance of an object anymore.
Productivity.dispose();3 -
Yesterday, I came to the office a little late and found there's no coffee, so I set myself to make some. After making it, some of my coworkers told me that the boss wants us to use less coffee powder when making coffee and has gone as far as specifying the amount for a full pot. I think in the US, they drink coffee-flavored water because that's what it looks and tastes now. So I guess it's either no coffee for me or to buy my own coffee powder as my coworkers don't want to protest over this.13
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A primary investor in the company I work for drops by every few days and always smokes cigars in the coffee room and shuts the door..
My coffee and his cigar routines have never collided before today, I'm now trying to figure out the lowest impact server or utility I can shutdown that will cause enough panic to get him out.2 -
The number of tabs open in Chrome is a direct correlation to the amount of coffee I need on any given day.
6 -
My coffee cup! Came home one Christmas and mom had been cleaning up a storage room. I've given it too her when I was young, but she never used it because it was ugly and heavy. She wanted to throw it away, but I took it, and it has been on my desk from the first day I started my job.
3 -
The coffee here is so shitty, I have to drink lots of water to get rid of the terrible flavor that remains in my mouth every single time.
On the other hand, I'm very well hydrated.8 -
Dear Coffee,
I ask for your help.
I need to pass this exam, and at the same time a client is angry.
I invoke you.
Like the function I'm in.
A function of time, a function that will probably never halt but you cannot prove it. You hope it will stop soon, but deep inside you know it will continue to compute.
I beg you, Coffee. Make this function of procrastination stop. Please.
I see no escape.
It is a tail-recursive function. You realize it as soon as you reach the end.
You can do nothing about it, you're trapped inside this loop. At each iteration you hope to reach the bottom, but you never know. You can only hope that the bottom is close.
This is the last one, you keep repeating to yourself.
Please Coffee, let it be a non-pure function.
Make the environment change.
Only then we can be saved.
3 -
When you start adding alarms to ring just 5min after you start coding in the morning, to remind you that drinking cold coffee is annoying...1
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They say, "Hard Work is the key to success"
Screw that.
For a programmer,
"Coffee is the key to success"
2 -
Coffee coffee = new Coffee { };
if ( coffee.Empty )
{
coffee.Refill ( );
}
else
{
coffee.Drink ( );
}
// I'm a software developer \\
9 -
Me when considering grabbing a cup of coffee after arriving at my desk in the morning: "Do I want to feel more awake or do I not want to have to poop all day?"1
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# Don't like ice coffee
# not in a mood for hot drink
# but I need coffee
Most difficult decision
🤦9 -
To the people who empty the coffee pots in the break room without remaking, may you get an extra nasty defect for each time you commit this heinous crime.
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I really dont like Coffee maschines that serve the Coffee Drink ready. If i want Coffee i want it hot as shit4
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Last time I had a cup of hot water instead of coffee. This time I have 2 cups of coffee on my table. Can you remind me what's life?
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Got some new coffee, Trung Nguyên from Vietnam. Now that's some in-your-face coffee! Strong and interesting taste, slight cocoa aftertaste. Only recommended for hardcore devs.6
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ideal situation: programming in a chill cafe with nice coffee
reality: too busy drinking coffee, hasnt touched the laptop2 -
Let
y="coffee beans"
Then (for devs)
y'="coffee powder"
y''="cup of coffee"
y'''="code"
"bug in production which requires urgent fix"=y''''1 -
We have a company policy of “you kill it you fill it.” We get free coffee here, it’s nice, I’m happy - but notoriously I’m the only one filling it for the whole company!! So I did the unspeakable today...
Fill the damn coffee. Thanks.
6 -
That moment when you worked with bug 2 days and now it's a feature! I need to drink more coffee because it helps - Ready to do more!
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!rant
Birthday today, got a dolce gusto pod coffee maker. Just trying the different flavours before i settle on one and put in an order for a couple thousand. Not bad so far.3 -
Discovering that all the coffee machines are out of service....|| there's no coffee machines on your new project office..
1 -
Out of all the debates we have on devrant... we have yet to reach the most important one.
Ground Coffee or k-cups>16 -
To be honest I would like to have the possibility to make coffee over htcpcp... But i don't want to open up my coffee maker3
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I don't understand the concept of drinking tea or coffee. More over why is everyone is so surprised when I say "I don't drink tea or coffee." ??6
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Suffering from concentration, meaning my coffee is cold. I can’t drink cold coffee, it makes me retch. That’s the second cup today I’ve let die on me. It’s pissing me off now.6
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Caffeine is crucial but I’m trying to moderate it! What good does it do if you have to drink 5 cups of coffee everyday to feel normal! I drink coffee like Hobbits eat! Breakfast coffee, second breakfast coffee, elevensies coffee, lunch coffee, onesies coffee...2
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I have a feeling that one of the most valuable skills I have yet to learn is the ability to drink coffee.
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>be me
>drinks coffee daily
>goes a day without drinking it, tries to code
>has problems focusing & getting things done
>has trouble staying awake
Never code without drinking coffee
My face when I had 15 errors in 40 lines of code
3 -
*finished lunch*
*ready to go drink coffee*
*coffee machine was taken away for replacement*
...
WHY WERE YOU TAKEN AWAY? YOU WERE WORKING PERFECTLY 😭😭1 -
I think it should be an unspoken rule that if you make an IOT coffee machine the core framework should be written in Java and any plugins or integrations should be written in JavaScript... you know so future generations arnt confused as fuck.9
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Uh so I might be getting a job at a local coffee shop while I go through college. I’ve never had a job before so idk if I’m doing the right thing or if I’m rushing into it.7
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The coffee at my work sucks! :(
Recently, the coffee machine was broken and a better one was installed until the other one got fixed. It made decent coffee, but now we're back to drinking piss. Teasing!2 -
I'm 17 and I already have a coffee problem!! I drink 5 to 6 cups of coffee a day!! I need to slow down..12
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When you're so focused on your work that you forget that you started brewing coffee and now it's cold.... 😲😣4
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You know it's time to get some sleep when your coffee starts making weird unexplainable hissing noises.
Everyone in the offices ended up looking at me why I was holding a cup next to my ear...1 -
Rough start for a week. The coffee machine nearest to my office went broken and now I have to do serious analyzing when picking up coffee. If I miss my calculations, I'll have to engage in a conversation and coffee + conversation is usually a waste of perfectly good coffee.
All this brain work is reduced from my mental capacity I should be using for actual development work.
Evolution - give me a coffee gland! NOW!2 -
when you've taken enough caffeine to get the work done and now you just want to sleep but you can't cuz coffee
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When you wake up, walk past a window and get coffee only to notice on the way back past that same window, that its snowing. Wow did not expect that to hapen here. I need more coffee if i want to survive this day
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Coworkers at the office kitchen always act so surprised when they find out that I like coffee even though I rarely drink some. Well, I just don't need caffeine to function properly. Simple as that.1
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Coffee is 50 cents a cup in uni.
Coffee
Coffee
Moar coffee
FuckimsohighImmajumpallovertheplacenowihavetositdownshiticantfuckbutcoffeeislife -
Lemon tea used to work before but not anymore, coffee has taken over accompanied by chocolates and nuts
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I was not such a coffee person, but now at work, I really get it.
it's a sin to say bad about Coffee as a developer.3 -
!rant
I've never given much thought to coffee and brushed off anybody saying it's deep as a hipster, but I'm a simple man who's only ever had instant coffee, basic cafeteria stuff and 50c vending machine trash. Well there's a coffee machine at work and there's actually a decent variety of capsules. All I have to say is holy shit, the hipsters were right. The flavours, the aroma, the strength, they're all so different and all so good, goddamn!6 -
!rant
Need to commit my code, and there is a lot of it, but can't at the moment because I have a shitty line and my girlfriend is gaming online.
12AM comes, and I have a few GB of mobile data I can use. 40min left.
Not complaining, gives me time to make some coffee and try be social.1 -
What a day when not even the coffee machine starts up...
I was thinking last week was hard where the milk was out -
You know it's friday, if the coffee machine is still switched off at 12:52.
I only want my coffee to finish my code and start weekend.
I don't want to fill water tank or rinse and decalcify the machine.1 -
So apparently coffee is healthy, drink that shit black everyday or go home #TeaAintShit
https://youtube.com/watch/...11 -
I can't get any work done from home. Not due to lack of discipline to get going, but due to lack of good coffee. In every workplace I've been at I've always brewed good coffee. And in school there is good coffee to buy cheap. But making coffee at home always taste like shit. So i procrastinate, searching for the right coffee, filter and blaming my brewer for being a piece of shit machine. I mean.. how can I possibly get work done without coffee?1
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javac MyDay.java
MyDay.java:5 error: cannot find symbol
Coffee coffee = new Coffee();
^
symbol: class Coffee
location: class MyDay -
The feeling of a interesting day coming up when the coffee machine crashes and reboots when pushing the button.2
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What is the best time of day to take caffeine with the least side effects and the most "therapeutic" effects?
And from which source? Coffee, guarana, kola nuts?8 -
A dev needs 2 things to produce a great product: Time and Coffee. If there's not enough time, add more coffee. If there's a lot of it then lessen the coffee. 😏
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@LoveBytes inspired this post: What's your favorite coffee brewing technique? Cold brew? French press? Pour over?5
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What do you drink while you're programming?
Don't say "coffee, energy drinks", post the model/type.
I'm from Spain, and usually I drink this: http://coffee.wikia.com/wiki/...29 -
I think i found a cure for coffee causing suddenl bowel movement: have a 3 day crunch session with minimal sleep and maximal code and a coffee machine with unlimites free cappuccino's and no food after day 1
Yeah,i suddenly can handle coffee after that XD -
That moment when you are working too hard so you go to the kitchen to get some coffee but then realize that you ran out coffee.
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I just pulled an all-nighter for some homework for grad school with a good friend and now I have 2 deployments today. Guess I can come off my coffee hiatus because I need it! This day is going to long unlike my patience.
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Boss: management needs this applications report changed
-2 weeks later of revamping the program
Boss: So we decided we are going to abandon the program all together. At least you learned some things.1 -
Last day my coffee ran out and i could not drink coffee. Now i've got that without coffee coding skill willbe disappear,,,2
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Anyone else get the mind of a angsty college student without coffee?
I just had trouble describing asynchronous encryption -
Redoing our web apps to use SSO... Every single page within the app runs LDAP authentication. What is the point of signing in and having session cookies if you are reauthorization a logon on every page?!??? Now what seemed like a simple task of revamping the initial logon has turned into a hunting trip for LDAP queries and creating new sql tables
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