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Me if there's no coffee at work:
(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻ I WANT COFFEE.
┻━┻ ︵ ヽ(°□°ヽ) I WANT COFFEE.
┻━┻ ︵ ＼\('0')/／ ︵ ┻━┻
I WANT COFFEE!
ಠ_ಠ Kurt...
ಠ_ಠ Put.
ಠ__ಠ The tables.
ಠ___ಠ Back.
(╮°-°)╮┳━┳
(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻ NEVER!24 -
Monday morning cup of coffee with my new mug. Definitely my favorite thing on my desk at the moment.
8 -
The inside of my coffee cup looked too pretty,had to stop to admire and click.
Wish my phone had a better camera.
56 -
There's a fancy new coffee machine in the office. When it breaks, it displays java exceptions on the screen. 😂10
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Our coffee machine at work is broken. We're a fucking high tech company delivering unique solutions with millions of requests every second of the day to over 60 countries, how can we not have a working fucking COFFEE MACHINE in the kitchen? How are we suppose to keep the lights on if we can't get our daily coffee god damnit?! It's been broken for over a week.
Sure, I'll just walk to the floor upstairs to get coffee LIKE THEY DID IN THE EIGHTEEN HUNDREDS. Maybe I should just come in to work on a horse with armor stabbing some funny looking fucker because it seems like we're living in the GOD DAMN EIGHTEEN HUNDREDS and that was a totally legit action back then. Get your shit together, call the company providing the coffee machine service and just have them fix it. How hard can it be??14 -
!rant I guess. Its coffee on a chip. Just spend 3h making this board to be implemented in my coffee machine. Just to wake up with the smell of coffee. The board is 2.9 by 3.2 cm
12 -
It's Friday, and I'm working from home. What better way to start the day with gulp and coffee with icing on donuts... Happy Friday to all :)
16 -
Not entirely dev related.
Just wondering if I'm the only one on here who actually EATS coffee beans regularly?
😐44 -
To all you people who finish the coffee in the kitchen and walk away, you are dicks and we know who you are. Use this to stop being a dick...
8 -
SO FUCKING MUCH COFFEE!!!! FUUUUUCK!!
I'M LITERALLY BURSTING OF ENERGY!!!
I CAN'T EVEN CONCENTRATE ON MY WORK ANYMORE!!14 -
This morning I got up a little earlier, and managed to make myself a proper cup of coffee in my favorite cup
4 -
I am programmer for over 1 year and still don't drink coffee and other alcoholic drinks to be energetic😅36
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I drink so much coffee. I sweat coffee. I pee coffee. I probably emit coffee waves into the air and get other people caffeinated. Here's to all of my fellow coffee-emitting programmers!
6 -
!rant
New mobile coffee van appears at our office today. When he realises we're developers he knows he has hit the jackpot. 😀3 -
When the coffee you had in the morning kicks in all at once.
Now my heartbeat is faster than my keystrokes4 -
When you visit your mom's and she made coffee
*sip*
What is this? Water? Why can't I feel the tingling of the caffeine fighting my fatigue?
*sip*
This can't be coffee, my vision is still not starting to blur!2 -
Morning Ritual
1. Start all devices
2. Check headset status
3. Check emails
4. COFFEE <3
5. First call...
6. 20 annoying minutes of two people talk to each other without a result
7. COFFEE <3 ... cold2 -
When coding at work is too intense to return the coffee mugs. One more to complete the triangle and call to our the coffee gods.
4 -
Really fucking sick of people taking my coffee mugs on the drying rack and taking them back to their desk. It's not yours. It doesn't have our company logo or your company logo. It's obviously not yours so don't fucking touch it.
This is the second coffee mug of mine to go missing in 16 months. You work at a tech company buy your own fucking mug or open your mouth wide and catch your hot bean water you fuck.13 -
In-laws don't drink coffee, they just pour it and let the mug warm their hands, thus hogging the coffee I could have drank.
What kind of monster family did I marry into?4 -
When you take a coffee break and a spider 🕷️randomly decides to invade your beverage ☕...
🕷️: Look at me, I own this cup now...
14 -
Coding without coffee is like driving without wheels: you can do it for a while, but you won't get far and you'll leave chaos in your wake.1
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Here's a tip to caffeinated-beverages lovers.
People often make this mistake with coffee.. They take a cup of coffee after lunch and expect it will make them productive and concentrated immediately. That's BS. Wait for the pee.
Digestion takes ~27% of your body energy molecules [ATP], so you will anyway be sleepy.
When you ingest a cup of coffee you ingest a warm beverage. The warmth will most likely make you sleepy and the sleepiness might last 5 to 15 minutes.
Caffeine in the coffee acts as diuretic - it makes your kidney filter blood more aggresively. As a result 20-40minutes after ingestion you will want to pee.
When you want to pee it's an obvious sign the caffeine is working. Now you should be productive.
Brain [cerebrum] uses glucose molecules for energy rather than ATP, like the rest of the body does. So for the best effect:
- have lunch
- have coffee with sugar during or right after the lunch [do not drink coffee if your stomach is empty!! Ulcers, gastritis, refluxes - that's your future if you do]
- wait ~30 minutes or until you pee
- go to do your work.
This way you will not be working sleepy and your brain will have enough pure glucose to operate on [sugar is just 2x glucose molecules bound together]21 -
Just wondering: How many cups of coffee do you guys average, a day? Or do you drink something else? I'm curious!28
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Got a coffee grinder from my grand parents. Pretty old school, but I like it!! 😍
Just brew a big cup of coffee. It just tast delecious. ❤
8 -
I hate coffee machines that give you a predefined amount.
I hate coffee machines that don't have enough clearance to fill a big size mug.
I hate weird coffee flavors.
I hate foamy coffee.
I just want plain old drip coffee that I can get enough off without being a hassle in the morning.
There, off my chest.3 -
What happens when I had too little coffee? I just tried ssh-ing to a server with user@user@server.com and wondered why it didn't work -.-6
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When I get myself a coffee in the morning, opening up my IDE, looking at the legacy code.. my brain starts yelling: "out of the way coffee, this is a job for whiskey"2
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Why the fuck isn't there a DevRant coffee mug in the swag store? I am sick and tired of drinking java from a freakkin' plate.
12 -
Saturday mornings are the best. I've got my coffee. I've got my music. And I've got hours of free time to work on my own projects.1
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!rant
Anybody else use coffee to postpone eating because you're too busy or on a role of bug free coding?8 -
Made caffeine consumption personal record today. 11 cups of coffee (11*250ml = 2750ml). In each 250ml there's around 100mg of caffeine. 1100mg of caffeine in one day. Huh. Not bad. Yes, I am still alive and I feel so good.22
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If I cut my wrists it would flow and sprinkle too much thick and hot italian coffee instead of the blood.
1 -
Started working as a developer about 2 months ago and on the first day of of work I was tought how to make coffee.
I couldn't understand why is coffee so important to the everyone in the company. I didn't drink the coffee for the first 2 week.
Now after many sleepless nights spent coding i then realise why the people worship the drink so much.
People get very pissed when they go to coffee machine and find that there is no coffee then the last person to have a cup is going to be shouted at and at times even get insulted.
Now coffee is my fuel and cant do much without it.7 -
Could this be the programmers life +dating a programming language and for food add especially coffee. I feel it applies to me in a way.
1 -
The worst thing a medic can say to a programmer is: "you need to stop drinking coffee". Happened to me :(11
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Yesterday, I came to the office a little late and found there's no coffee, so I set myself to make some. After making it, some of my coworkers told me that the boss wants us to use less coffee powder when making coffee and has gone as far as specifying the amount for a full pot. I think in the US, they drink coffee-flavored water because that's what it looks and tastes now. So I guess it's either no coffee for me or to buy my own coffee powder as my coworkers don't want to protest over this.17
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I am a developer but I don't drink coffee.
Well, that's partially because I have stomach ulcer for 4+ years now and partially because I was never too much of a fan of hot drinks.
Is there any other dev out here who doesn't drink coffee?18 -
Instead of coffee to start your morning, try prod going down on Saturday! It will really get your blood pumping!2
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When there is no coffee beans in the office and/or the different ways of making coffee is not working that day.4
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NullDeveloperException : When the coffee pot is empty and developer is not set to an instance of an object anymore.
Productivity.dispose();3 -
My coffee cup! Came home one Christmas and mom had been cleaning up a storage room. I've given it too her when I was young, but she never used it because it was ugly and heavy. She wanted to throw it away, but I took it, and it has been on my desk from the first day I started my job.
3 -
A primary investor in the company I work for drops by every few days and always smokes cigars in the coffee room and shuts the door..
My coffee and his cigar routines have never collided before today, I'm now trying to figure out the lowest impact server or utility I can shutdown that will cause enough panic to get him out.2 -
The coffee here is so shitty, I have to drink lots of water to get rid of the terrible flavor that remains in my mouth every single time.
On the other hand, I'm very well hydrated.8 -
Dear Coffee,
I ask for your help.
I need to pass this exam, and at the same time a client is angry.
I invoke you.
Like the function I'm in.
A function of time, a function that will probably never halt but you cannot prove it. You hope it will stop soon, but deep inside you know it will continue to compute.
I beg you, Coffee. Make this function of procrastination stop. Please.
I see no escape.
It is a tail-recursive function. You realize it as soon as you reach the end.
You can do nothing about it, you're trapped inside this loop. At each iteration you hope to reach the bottom, but you never know. You can only hope that the bottom is close.
This is the last one, you keep repeating to yourself.
Please Coffee, let it be a non-pure function.
Make the environment change.
Only then we can be saved.
3 -
The number of tabs open in Chrome is a direct correlation to the amount of coffee I need on any given day.
6 -
I really dont like Coffee maschines that serve the Coffee Drink ready. If i want Coffee i want it hot as shit4
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When you start adding alarms to ring just 5min after you start coding in the morning, to remind you that drinking cold coffee is annoying...1
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They say, "Hard Work is the key to success"
Screw that.
For a programmer,
"Coffee is the key to success"
2 -
Sleep about 6 or 5 hours per day 😀 When I sleep more than 6 hours, I feel tired and I can't do anything.. And coffee. I love coffe ❤3
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Coffee coffee = new Coffee { };
if ( coffee.Empty )
{
coffee.Refill ( );
}
else
{
coffee.Drink ( );
}
// I'm a software developer \\
9 -
Me when considering grabbing a cup of coffee after arriving at my desk in the morning: "Do I want to feel more awake or do I not want to have to poop all day?"1
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To the people who empty the coffee pots in the break room without remaking, may you get an extra nasty defect for each time you commit this heinous crime.
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If having a coffee in the morning doesn't wake you up, try deleting a collection or table in a production database instead.4
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# Don't like ice coffee
# not in a mood for hot drink
# but I need coffee
Most difficult decision
🤦11 -
Got some new coffee, Trung Nguyên from Vietnam. Now that's some in-your-face coffee! Strong and interesting taste, slight cocoa aftertaste. Only recommended for hardcore devs.6
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ideal situation: programming in a chill cafe with nice coffee
reality: too busy drinking coffee, hasnt touched the laptop2 -
Last time I had a cup of hot water instead of coffee. This time I have 2 cups of coffee on my table. Can you remind me what's life?
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Me: Damn you good tasty coffee!!! Now I can't drink coffee anywhere else than at home and (more) expensive coffeebars!!!
Coffee: But you love me!!
Me: I know!! That's the fucking problem!!2 -
I... I just got on the bus to work and left my beautiful contigo coffee thermos at the stop. I'm done guys. I'm not going to make it.. ..1
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Rough start for a week. The coffee machine nearest to my office went broken and now I have to do serious analyzing when picking up coffee. If I miss my calculations, I'll have to engage in a conversation and coffee + conversation is usually a waste of perfectly good coffee.
All this brain work is reduced from my mental capacity I should be using for actual development work.
Evolution - give me a coffee gland! NOW!2 -
That moment when you worked with bug 2 days and now it's a feature! I need to drink more coffee because it helps - Ready to do more!
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A coworker brought a French press as well as kettles and everything to our office.
Thank heavens for coworkers like this.
The coffee tastes fucking delicious.6 -
Let
y="coffee beans"
Then (for devs)
y'="coffee powder"
y''="cup of coffee"
y'''="code"
"bug in production which requires urgent fix"=y''''1 -
We have a company policy of “you kill it you fill it.” We get free coffee here, it’s nice, I’m happy - but notoriously I’m the only one filling it for the whole company!! So I did the unspeakable today...
Fill the damn coffee. Thanks.
8 -
Discovering that all the coffee machines are out of service....|| there's no coffee machines on your new project office..
1 -
To be honest I would like to have the possibility to make coffee over htcpcp... But i don't want to open up my coffee maker3
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Out of all the debates we have on devrant... we have yet to reach the most important one.
Ground Coffee or k-cups>16 -
Suffering from concentration, meaning my coffee is cold. I can’t drink cold coffee, it makes me retch. That’s the second cup today I’ve let die on me. It’s pissing me off now.6
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Caffeine is crucial but I’m trying to moderate it! What good does it do if you have to drink 5 cups of coffee everyday to feel normal! I drink coffee like Hobbits eat! Breakfast coffee, second breakfast coffee, elevensies coffee, lunch coffee, onesies coffee...2
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I think it should be an unspoken rule that if you make an IOT coffee machine the core framework should be written in Java and any plugins or integrations should be written in JavaScript... you know so future generations arnt confused as fuck.9
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When you're so focused on your work that you forget that you started brewing coffee and now it's cold.... 😲😣4
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I don't understand the concept of drinking tea or coffee. More over why is everyone is so surprised when I say "I don't drink tea or coffee." ??7
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>be me
>drinks coffee daily
>goes a day without drinking it, tries to code
>has problems focusing & getting things done
>has trouble staying awake
Never code without drinking coffee
My face when I had 15 errors in 40 lines of code
3 -
I have a feeling that one of the most valuable skills I have yet to learn is the ability to drink coffee.
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Uh so I might be getting a job at a local coffee shop while I go through college. I’ve never had a job before so idk if I’m doing the right thing or if I’m rushing into it.7
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You know it's time to get some sleep when your coffee starts making weird unexplainable hissing noises.
Everyone in the offices ended up looking at me why I was holding a cup next to my ear...1 -
I was not such a coffee person, but now at work, I really get it.
it's a sin to say bad about Coffee as a developer.3 -
*finished lunch*
*ready to go drink coffee*
*coffee machine was taken away for replacement*
...
WHY WERE YOU TAKEN AWAY? YOU WERE WORKING PERFECTLY 😭😭2 -
Coffee is 50 cents a cup in uni.
Coffee
Coffee
Moar coffee
FuckimsohighImmajumpallovertheplacenowihavetositdownshiticantfuckbutcoffeeislife -
when you've taken enough caffeine to get the work done and now you just want to sleep but you can't cuz coffee
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The coffee at my work sucks! :(
Recently, the coffee machine was broken and a better one was installed until the other one got fixed. It made decent coffee, but now we're back to drinking piss. Teasing!2 -
So I started a new on prem contract. No coffee machine in the office and the kitchen has no utensils. Wtf
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When you wake up, walk past a window and get coffee only to notice on the way back past that same window, that its snowing. Wow did not expect that to hapen here. I need more coffee if i want to survive this day
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Coworkers at the office kitchen always act so surprised when they find out that I like coffee even though I rarely drink some. Well, I just don't need caffeine to function properly. Simple as that.1
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Lemon tea used to work before but not anymore, coffee has taken over accompanied by chocolates and nuts
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What a day when not even the coffee machine starts up...
I was thinking last week was hard where the milk was out -
!rant
Need to commit my code, and there is a lot of it, but can't at the moment because I have a shitty line and my girlfriend is gaming online.
12AM comes, and I have a few GB of mobile data I can use. 40min left.
Not complaining, gives me time to make some coffee and try be social.1 -
protected $db;
$this->db = new PDO($tooLazy, $toDeclare, $everything);
public function getCoffee() {
$getCoffee = $this->db->prepare('SELECT * FROM Coffee');
$getCoffee->execute();
$result = $getCoffee->fetchAll();
return $result;
} -
The first time I tried "sudo apt install caffeine" and realized there was a repo I got excited. And then promptly disappointed that no coffee mug showed up...1
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So apparently coffee is healthy, drink that shit black everyday or go home #TeaAintShit
https://youtube.com/watch/...11 -
Fellow developers. I would like to know on average how much coffee we drink during the day. Can we fill a pool with that?8
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What is the best time of day to take caffeine with the least side effects and the most "therapeutic" effects?
And from which source? Coffee, guarana, kola nuts?8 -
javac MyDay.java
MyDay.java:5 error: cannot find symbol
Coffee coffee = new Coffee();
^
symbol: class Coffee
location: class MyDay -
You know it's friday, if the coffee machine is still switched off at 12:52.
I only want my coffee to finish my code and start weekend.
I don't want to fill water tank or rinse and decalcify the machine.1 -
The feeling of a interesting day coming up when the coffee machine crashes and reboots when pushing the button.2
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I can't get any work done from home. Not due to lack of discipline to get going, but due to lack of good coffee. In every workplace I've been at I've always brewed good coffee. And in school there is good coffee to buy cheap. But making coffee at home always taste like shit. So i procrastinate, searching for the right coffee, filter and blaming my brewer for being a piece of shit machine. I mean.. how can I possibly get work done without coffee?1
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Shout outs to coffee + the senior Devs in my life who were patient, gave good advice and blasted me in code reviews.
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What do you drink while you're programming?
Don't say "coffee, energy drinks", post the model/type.
I'm from Spain, and usually I drink this: http://coffee.wikia.com/wiki/...29 -
Trying coffee for the first time. What should I get. (I have tried sips before and I hated the taste of the caffeine)5
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@LoveBytes inspired this post: What's your favorite coffee brewing technique? Cold brew? French press? Pour over?5
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A dev needs 2 things to produce a great product: Time and Coffee. If there's not enough time, add more coffee. If there's a lot of it then lessen the coffee. 😏
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Why do coffee machines give you the plastic spoon if you reset the sugar level? Maybe some if/else condition has to be repaired...1
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I just pulled an all-nighter for some homework for grad school with a good friend and now I have 2 deployments today. Guess I can come off my coffee hiatus because I need it! This day is going to long unlike my patience.
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when your that tired you carnt understand why code wont work and then the smell of rocket fuel coffee just jets you awake3
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That moment when you are working too hard so you go to the kitchen to get some coffee but then realize that you ran out coffee.
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I think i found a cure for coffee causing suddenl bowel movement: have a 3 day crunch session with minimal sleep and maximal code and a coffee machine with unlimites free cappuccino's and no food after day 1
Yeah,i suddenly can handle coffee after that XD -
Last day my coffee ran out and i could not drink coffee. Now i've got that without coffee coding skill willbe disappear,,,2
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Anyone else get the mind of a angsty college student without coffee?
I just had trouble describing asynchronous encryption -
Hyper Text Coffee Pot Control Protocol
https://tools.ietf.org/html/rfc2324
This is one of the best things I've read in a while
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