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Me if there's no coffee at work:
(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻ I WANT COFFEE.
┻━┻ ︵ ヽ(°□°ヽ) I WANT COFFEE.
┻━┻ ︵ ＼\('0')/／ ︵ ┻━┻
I WANT COFFEE!
ಠ_ಠ Safi...
ಠ_ಠ Put.
ಠ__ಠ The tables.
ಠ___ಠ Back.
(╮°-°)╮┳━┳
(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻ NEVER!15 -
Me if there's no coffee at work:
(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻ I WANT COFFEE.
┻━┻ ︵ ヽ(°□°ヽ) I WANT COFFEE.
┻━┻ ︵ ＼\('0')/／ ︵ ┻━┻
I WANT COFFEE!
ಠ_ಠ Kurt...
ಠ_ಠ Put.
ಠ__ಠ The tables.
ಠ___ಠ Back.
(╮°-°)╮┳━┳
(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻ NEVER!24 -
Monday morning cup of coffee with my new mug. Definitely my favorite thing on my desk at the moment.
8 -
My school has the WORST coffee machine of the world: When you ask for a coffee, it serves you a hot chocolate; when you ask for sugar you have nothing AND THE Worst: If you ask 4 pieces of sugar you get a lemon tea...
WHO IS THE DEV ?!23 -
The inside of my coffee cup looked too pretty,had to stop to admire and click.
Wish my phone had a better camera.
57 -
Bought a second hand coffee machine and went to get it by bike.
Put it in the back and drove home. It fell off somehow like a hundred meters before arriving home and its leaking now.
😭😞20 -
There's a fancy new coffee machine in the office. When it breaks, it displays java exceptions on the screen. 😂10
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Every developer dream:
- Cup of coffee
- Laptop
- Fast internet connection.
Really, I am able to not see the light again with this.22 -
Our coffee machine at work is broken. We're a fucking high tech company delivering unique solutions with millions of requests every second of the day to over 60 countries, how can we not have a working fucking COFFEE MACHINE in the kitchen? How are we suppose to keep the lights on if we can't get our daily coffee god damnit?! It's been broken for over a week.
Sure, I'll just walk to the floor upstairs to get coffee LIKE THEY DID IN THE EIGHTEEN HUNDREDS. Maybe I should just come in to work on a horse with armor stabbing some funny looking fucker because it seems like we're living in the GOD DAMN EIGHTEEN HUNDREDS and that was a totally legit action back then. Get your shit together, call the company providing the coffee machine service and just have them fix it. How hard can it be??15 -
Just spent 30 minutes trying to figure out why a function wasn't working when I realized I hadn't called it. This is what happens when I forget my coffee.
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!rant I guess. Its coffee on a chip. Just spend 3h making this board to be implemented in my coffee machine. Just to wake up with the smell of coffee. The board is 2.9 by 3.2 cm
13 -
Not entirely dev related.
Just wondering if I'm the only one on here who actually EATS coffee beans regularly?
😐45 -
To all you people who finish the coffee in the kitchen and walk away, you are dicks and we know who you are. Use this to stop being a dick...
11 -
SO FUCKING MUCH COFFEE!!!! FUUUUUCK!!
I'M LITERALLY BURSTING OF ENERGY!!!
I CAN'T EVEN CONCENTRATE ON MY WORK ANYMORE!!14 -
The people I work with are so fucking antisocial. Everyone waits until the kitchen is empty before going to get a coffee. Also, the dev next to me seems to think breathing heavily is a great idea. Fuck these people.
Oh...the kitchen is free! Time for coffee!5 -
It's Friday, and I'm working from home. What better way to start the day with gulp and coffee with icing on donuts... Happy Friday to all :)
16 -
I mixed coffee types today... My eye is twitching and my office is spotless... And I started a program to monitor all our apps at all times... We'll see if it works in the morning 😂9
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I am programmer for over 1 year and still don't drink coffee and other alcoholic drinks to be energetic😅36
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I drink so much coffee. I sweat coffee. I pee coffee. I probably emit coffee waves into the air and get other people caffeinated. Here's to all of my fellow coffee-emitting programmers!
6 -
!rant
New mobile coffee van appears at our office today. When he realises we're developers he knows he has hit the jackpot. 😀3 -
When the coffee you had in the morning kicks in all at once.
Now my heartbeat is faster than my keystrokes4 -
I found something even more effective than coffee on hard Mondays mornings. A fresh cup of technology, just the right quantity of silicium, transistors and sensors with a pinch of cloud connectivity.
9 -
When you visit your mom's and she made coffee
*sip*
What is this? Water? Why can't I feel the tingling of the caffeine fighting my fatigue?
*sip*
This can't be coffee, my vision is still not starting to blur!2 -
In-laws don't drink coffee, they just pour it and let the mug warm their hands, thus hogging the coffee I could have drank.
What kind of monster family did I marry into?4 -
When coding at work is too intense to return the coffee mugs. One more to complete the triangle and call to our the coffee gods.
4 -
> Take girlfriend to Starbucks
Me: I'll ask for a cold brewed coffee, what would you like?
She: I don't like coffee...
10 -
Coding without coffee is like driving without wheels: you can do it for a while, but you won't get far and you'll leave chaos in your wake.1
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When you take a coffee break and a spider 🕷️randomly decides to invade your beverage ☕...
🕷️: Look at me, I own this cup now...
17 -
Got a coffee grinder from my grand parents. Pretty old school, but I like it!! 😍
Just brew a big cup of coffee. It just tast delecious. ❤
9 -
!dev
Fuck you Starbucks! Do you call your pile of goat piss coffee? Even the fucking espresso is a disgusting laxative, it tastes like bleach and costs twice compared to every fucking bar in town, which make actual espresso.
And, black coffee means no milk. No soy milk either, no coconut milk, fucking anything else.
Thank god I still have my old Moka.12 -
Laying next to my snoring wife... My mind is running on what coding her snoring pattern would be like.2
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I hate coffee machines that give you a predefined amount.
I hate coffee machines that don't have enough clearance to fill a big size mug.
I hate weird coffee flavors.
I hate foamy coffee.
I just want plain old drip coffee that I can get enough off without being a hassle in the morning.
There, off my chest.3 -
I just accepted an offer as a backend dev for a startup in Berlin, Germany. I’m looking forward to all the coffee and beer I will drink while I work. 😆7
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What's your favourite energizing substance to get your deving started?
Coffee?
Energy drinks?
Tea?
Something else?
For me it's energy drinks, because I can't be arsed to make coffee in the morning. Also in my dorm we don't have a coffee machine.
And sometimes, after a first aid kit, two energy drinks or painkillers or an adrenaline shot.(Let's see how many people get this(last paragraph) reference)26 -
Just wondering: How many cups of coffee do you guys average, a day? Or do you drink something else? I'm curious!29
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Saturday mornings are the best. I've got my coffee. I've got my music. And I've got hours of free time to work on my own projects.1
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When I get myself a coffee in the morning, opening up my IDE, looking at the legacy code.. my brain starts yelling: "out of the way coffee, this is a job for whiskey"3
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Why the fuck isn't there a DevRant coffee mug in the swag store? I am sick and tired of drinking java from a freakkin' plate.
13 -
What happens when I had too little coffee? I just tried ssh-ing to a server with user@user@server.com and wondered why it didn't work -.-7
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!rant
Anybody else use coffee to postpone eating because you're too busy or on a role of bug free coding?8 -
The worst thing a medic can say to a programmer is: "you need to stop drinking coffee". Happened to me :(11
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Could this be the programmers life +dating a programming language and for food add especially coffee. I feel it applies to me in a way.
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If I cut my wrists it would flow and sprinkle too much thick and hot italian coffee instead of the blood.
1 -
My coffee cup! Came home one Christmas and mom had been cleaning up a storage room. I've given it too her when I was young, but she never used it because it was ugly and heavy. She wanted to throw it away, but I took it, and it has been on my desk from the first day I started my job.
3 -
When you're at the till ordering a plain coffee and the barista SIGHS and ROLLS THEIR EYES at you. ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS? That's you're damn job, don't fucking do that. That's the only reason you're here!!!8
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Dear Coffee,
I ask for your help.
I need to pass this exam, and at the same time a client is angry.
I invoke you.
Like the function I'm in.
A function of time, a function that will probably never halt but you cannot prove it. You hope it will stop soon, but deep inside you know it will continue to compute.
I beg you, Coffee. Make this function of procrastination stop. Please.
I see no escape.
It is a tail-recursive function. You realize it as soon as you reach the end.
You can do nothing about it, you're trapped inside this loop. At each iteration you hope to reach the bottom, but you never know. You can only hope that the bottom is close.
This is the last one, you keep repeating to yourself.
Please Coffee, let it be a non-pure function.
Make the environment change.
Only then we can be saved.
5 -
The number of tabs open in Chrome is a direct correlation to the amount of coffee I need on any given day.
6 -
!rant
How does everyone here like their coffee?
For every cup I drink, it should be espresso (0.35 litres) with three cubes 'o sugar and a little shot of milk.15 -
The coffee here is so shitty, I have to drink lots of water to get rid of the terrible flavor that remains in my mouth every single time.
On the other hand, I'm very well hydrated.9 -
Instead of coffee to start your morning, try prod going down on Saturday! It will really get your blood pumping!2
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Am i the only one annoyed that at first the coffee is too hot, so you have to take small sips. But when its at the right temperature, you have to drink it fast so that it doesnt go cold.1
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A primary investor in the company I work for drops by every few days and always smokes cigars in the coffee room and shuts the door..
My coffee and his cigar routines have never collided before today, I'm now trying to figure out the lowest impact server or utility I can shutdown that will cause enough panic to get him out.2 -
NullDeveloperException : When the coffee pot is empty and developer is not set to an instance of an object anymore.
Productivity.dispose();3 -
1. Hits "Run" in Android Studio.
2. Goes to make coffee knowing Gradle will take a while to build.
3. Comes back after 30 minutes.
4."Select Device"
Fuuuuuuck!😠😠5 -
Sleep about 6 or 5 hours per day 😀 When I sleep more than 6 hours, I feel tired and I can't do anything.. And coffee. I love coffe ❤3
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When you start adding alarms to ring just 5min after you start coding in the morning, to remind you that drinking cold coffee is annoying...1
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To the people who empty the coffee pots in the break room without remaking, may you get an extra nasty defect for each time you commit this heinous crime.
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By the way, did anyone ever went to hospital because drinking too much coffee? I drink it, you drink it, we drink it, but I'm seriously worried sometimes about my heart and blood pressure.13
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Coffee coffee = new Coffee { };
if ( coffee.Empty )
{
coffee.Refill ( );
}
else
{
coffee.Drink ( );
}
// I'm a software developer \\
9 -
Me when considering grabbing a cup of coffee after arriving at my desk in the morning: "Do I want to feel more awake or do I not want to have to poop all day?"1
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They say, "Hard Work is the key to success"
Screw that.
For a programmer,
"Coffee is the key to success"
2 -
ideal situation: programming in a chill cafe with nice coffee
reality: too busy drinking coffee, hasnt touched the laptop2 -
I really dont like Coffee maschines that serve the Coffee Drink ready. If i want Coffee i want it hot as shit4
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Each day night, whenever I'm sitting to code and I feel like taking a break, this is my jam.
Brilliant lemon soda, with sugar. Helps me concentrate a lot better than coffee, or Red Bull.
5 -
If having a coffee in the morning doesn't wake you up, try deleting a collection or table in a production database instead.4
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Me: Damn you good tasty coffee!!! Now I can't drink coffee anywhere else than at home and (more) expensive coffeebars!!!
Coffee: But you love me!!
Me: I know!! That's the fucking problem!!3 -
Rough start for a week. The coffee machine nearest to my office went broken and now I have to do serious analyzing when picking up coffee. If I miss my calculations, I'll have to engage in a conversation and coffee + conversation is usually a waste of perfectly good coffee.
All this brain work is reduced from my mental capacity I should be using for actual development work.
Evolution - give me a coffee gland! NOW!2 -
Last time I had a cup of hot water instead of coffee. This time I have 2 cups of coffee on my table. Can you remind me what's life?
-
dev team: you have been selected, go and ask for better working conditions for everyone in this team.
me: damm
< after i came back from boss office >
dev team: so?
me: i got free coffee for everyone ...
:-/1 -
To be honest I would like to have the possibility to make coffee over htcpcp... But i don't want to open up my coffee maker3
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I was making coffee this morning when one of my managers walked up and asked me if I could make a cup for him too.
I was like sure, anything to make you happy. (Maybe you'll lessen the amount of work I have to do today 😀)
I finished making both the cups of coffee and the brought his over to his desk. He drank some and then almost spit it out. He complained about how the coffee was not dark roast it was medium roast, and he could tell the difference and I should have known that.
I was like "well if you're going to complain about how I make your coffee go make your fucking own". (I didn't say that out loud though, I probably would have been fired!)9 -
Before I decided to switch careers (PM to Dev) I would drink coffee, black, sometimes with 2+ shots of espresso on those nasty days...
It's been 18 months into this transition and I find that by about 9AM a strong dark coffee with 1+ shots of whiskey is required on any day...
No regrets on the switch, Just didn't see that coming is all...4 -
Let
y="coffee beans"
Then (for devs)
y'="coffee powder"
y''="cup of coffee"
y'''="code"
"bug in production which requires urgent fix"=y''''1 -
Discovering that all the coffee machines are out of service....|| there's no coffee machines on your new project office..
1 -
I... I just got on the bus to work and left my beautiful contigo coffee thermos at the stop. I'm done guys. I'm not going to make it.. ..1
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That moment when you worked with bug 2 days and now it's a feature! I need to drink more coffee because it helps - Ready to do more!
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Out of all the debates we have on devrant... we have yet to reach the most important one.
Ground Coffee or k-cups>16 -
We have a company policy of “you kill it you fill it.” We get free coffee here, it’s nice, I’m happy - but notoriously I’m the only one filling it for the whole company!! So I did the unspeakable today...
Fill the damn coffee. Thanks.
8 -
I don't understand the concept of drinking tea or coffee. More over why is everyone is so surprised when I say "I don't drink tea or coffee." ??7
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When you're so focused on your work that you forget that you started brewing coffee and now it's cold.... 😲😣4
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At a coffee shop, not sure what is happening, but there is a 1/4 Chance of me connecting to a server each time I try to open a page! Fuck it is frustrating!
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I have a feeling that one of the most valuable skills I have yet to learn is the ability to drink coffee.
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I think it should be an unspoken rule that if you make an IOT coffee machine the core framework should be written in Java and any plugins or integrations should be written in JavaScript... you know so future generations arnt confused as fuck.9
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Every time I go to get some coffee I end up brewing a new pot because I got the last sip...
Every fucking time!
Maybe I should consider playing the lottery...2 -
Caffeine is crucial but I’m trying to moderate it! What good does it do if you have to drink 5 cups of coffee everyday to feel normal! I drink coffee like Hobbits eat! Breakfast coffee, second breakfast coffee, elevensies coffee, lunch coffee, onesies coffee...2
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when you've taken enough caffeine to get the work done and now you just want to sleep but you can't cuz coffee
-
The coffee at my work sucks! :(
Recently, the coffee machine was broken and a better one was installed until the other one got fixed. It made decent coffee, but now we're back to drinking piss. Teasing!2 -
I was not such a coffee person, but now at work, I really get it.
it's a sin to say bad about Coffee as a developer.3 -
How do people work in coffee shops for the day but not lose their seat when they inevitably need the toilet?!
Keep buying coffee to stay in the shop causing me to pack up at least 3 times today and move to a different corner....3 -
*finished lunch*
*ready to go drink coffee*
*coffee machine was taken away for replacement*
...
WHY WERE YOU TAKEN AWAY? YOU WERE WORKING PERFECTLY 😭😭2 -
!rant
Need to commit my code, and there is a lot of it, but can't at the moment because I have a shitty line and my girlfriend is gaming online.
12AM comes, and I have a few GB of mobile data I can use. 40min left.
Not complaining, gives me time to make some coffee and try be social.1 -
When you wake up, walk past a window and get coffee only to notice on the way back past that same window, that its snowing. Wow did not expect that to hapen here. I need more coffee if i want to survive this day
-
You know it's time to get some sleep when your coffee starts making weird unexplainable hissing noises.
Everyone in the offices ended up looking at me why I was holding a cup next to my ear...1 -
Coworkers at the office kitchen always act so surprised when they find out that I like coffee even though I rarely drink some. Well, I just don't need caffeine to function properly. Simple as that.1
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So apparently coffee is healthy, drink that shit black everyday or go home #TeaAintShit
https://youtube.com/watch/...11 -
So I started a new on prem contract. No coffee machine in the office and the kitchen has no utensils. Wtf
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Personal data in exchange for a coffee coup. Must be a joke, wait is for real.
https://npr.org/sections/thesalt/...4 -
Lemon tea used to work before but not anymore, coffee has taken over accompanied by chocolates and nuts
-
What a day when not even the coffee machine starts up...
I was thinking last week was hard where the milk was out -
Coffee is 50 cents a cup in uni.
Coffee
Coffee
Moar coffee
FuckimsohighImmajumpallovertheplacenowihavetositdownshiticantfuckbutcoffeeislife -
protected $db;
$this->db = new PDO($tooLazy, $toDeclare, $everything);
public function getCoffee() {
$getCoffee = $this->db->prepare('SELECT * FROM Coffee');
$getCoffee->execute();
$result = $getCoffee->fetchAll();
return $result;
} -
The first time I tried "sudo apt install caffeine" and realized there was a repo I got excited. And then promptly disappointed that no coffee mug showed up...1
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You know it's friday, if the coffee machine is still switched off at 12:52.
I only want my coffee to finish my code and start weekend.
I don't want to fill water tank or rinse and decalcify the machine.1 -
I can't get any work done from home. Not due to lack of discipline to get going, but due to lack of good coffee. In every workplace I've been at I've always brewed good coffee. And in school there is good coffee to buy cheap. But making coffee at home always taste like shit. So i procrastinate, searching for the right coffee, filter and blaming my brewer for being a piece of shit machine. I mean.. how can I possibly get work done without coffee?1
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What is keeping you up at nights?
I'm not a coffee person. I can drink it and go to sleep :)
For me it's Pepsi. Fast shugar for energy, I guess. Strong green tea on 2nd place.5 -
What do you drink while you're programming?
Don't say "coffee, energy drinks", post the model/type.
I'm from Spain, and usually I drink this: http://coffee.wikia.com/wiki/...29 -
The feeling of a interesting day coming up when the coffee machine crashes and reboots when pushing the button.2
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Fellow developers. I would like to know on average how much coffee we drink during the day. Can we fill a pool with that?8
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javac MyDay.java
MyDay.java:5 error: cannot find symbol
Coffee coffee = new Coffee();
^
symbol: class Coffee
location: class MyDay -
What is the best time of day to take caffeine with the least side effects and the most "therapeutic" effects?
And from which source? Coffee, guarana, kola nuts?8 -
when your that tired you carnt understand why code wont work and then the smell of rocket fuel coffee just jets you awake3
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That moment when you are working too hard so you go to the kitchen to get some coffee but then realize that you ran out coffee.1
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Trying coffee for the first time. What should I get. (I have tried sips before and I hated the taste of the caffeine)5
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@LoveBytes inspired this post: What's your favorite coffee brewing technique? Cold brew? French press? Pour over?5
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A dev needs 2 things to produce a great product: Time and Coffee. If there's not enough time, add more coffee. If there's a lot of it then lessen the coffee. 😏
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!rant
What a great feeling when you push a big bunch of changes and CI makes it over the biggest hurdle (lint and test). Time for a fresh cup o' coffee while the build finishes. -
Shout outs to coffee + the senior Devs in my life who were patient, gave good advice and blasted me in code reviews.
-
I think i found a cure for coffee causing suddenl bowel movement: have a 3 day crunch session with minimal sleep and maximal code and a coffee machine with unlimites free cappuccino's and no food after day 1
Yeah,i suddenly can handle coffee after that XD -
I just pulled an all-nighter for some homework for grad school with a good friend and now I have 2 deployments today. Guess I can come off my coffee hiatus because I need it! This day is going to long unlike my patience.
-
Why do coffee machines give you the plastic spoon if you reset the sugar level? Maybe some if/else condition has to be repaired...1
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Last day my coffee ran out and i could not drink coffee. Now i've got that without coffee coding skill willbe disappear,,,2
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Boss: management needs this applications report changed
-2 weeks later of revamping the program
Boss: So we decided we are going to abandon the program all together. At least you learned some things.1 -
System.OutOfMemoryException was thrown trying to execute a stored procedure in the database. I think it might be time for some optimizations again. ... but no before coffee
-
Anyone else get the mind of a angsty college student without coffee?
I just had trouble describing asynchronous encryption -
Redoing our web apps to use SSO... Every single page within the app runs LDAP authentication. What is the point of signing in and having session cookies if you are reauthorization a logon on every page?!??? Now what seemed like a simple task of revamping the initial logon has turned into a hunting trip for LDAP queries and creating new sql tables
-
Hyper Text Coffee Pot Control Protocol
https://tools.ietf.org/html/rfc2324
This is one of the best things I've read in a while
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