devRant - A fun community for developers to connect over code, tech & life as a programmer

We started having trainings at work. I don't know what the driver is exactly, but I assume its some contracts thing. Once per month we are getting these. Me assuming it will be about lock and tag out, or shop safety. No. So far we have had 3 trainings: ergonomics, medical professional blood borne pathogens, and active shooter. I get the ergonomics one, but why we need hospital grade blood borne pathogen training is bizarre. I find the active shooter training both bizarre and interesting. Probably a sign of the times type shit.

I am driving home thinking about the whole active shooter training. The training said we should have drills for this. I am imagining a customer or delivery person shows up and we are doing active shooter drill. Probably needs to be planned so that doesn't happen.

The training talked about potential indicators someone might exhibit before becoming an active shooter. As they are going through the list of 15 or so items I was checking off boxes on that list for myself. I think at most I had 4 or 5 items. So I guess I am 1/3 of the way there. Not sure how many you got to get before it clicks and you are shopping for hollow points.

I started thinking about what has to go wrong for someone to want to come in and shoot everyone. Then I started thinking about the random posts on here. I realized some of y'all probably ticking a lot more of those boxes than me. Some of you are definitely on the "potential" list. Stop it, get some help.

I started wondering if I could be so angry to want to kill people. I decided for me that a lot of things would have to go wrong for that. Then I got thinking about the whole shooting thing. An active shooter has to know they are going to die, or be in institutions forever if they live. Its a permanent action with pretty conclusive results. The whole murdering people seems pretty messed up too. I don't even like seeing animals suffer. (Skyrim dismembering mods don't count.) Irreversibly hurting a person would be worse. Seriously, I think we can do better than this.

So I present to you the "active tasering" employee. You will get fired, you will go to jail, but you will see Suzy from accounting convulsing violently and then pissing herself. I honestly think tasering asshole coworkers would be a lot more satisfying. Also quieter so you can make it farther in the building before someone beats the shit outa you. You also will most likely just get charged with assault. (assuming nobody's heart stops) Not sure it would even be a felony. Out in 3 years? Worth it. RIP future employment though. Maybe I can be a lumberjack...