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Search - "joke"
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>we increased new releases to once a day
> wow, how'd you do that?
> fired the QA team
Credit - @iamdevloper✓3 -
No-code platforms always like to forget that writing the code is *literally* the easiest part of software development 🙄15
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*In GitHub*
Manager: "Team, we've not made any changes in UI recently.. we've to do something".
UI: "Let's switch right pane to left."
Public: "Wow.."2 -
I left a company once. Was there with one colleague and we had this kind of code review habit that we looked at each other changes befor merging them to the deploy branch. On my last day I made a dancing cat dance in front of our app as a tiny joke for him. He instead of reviewing just pulled this time and deployed the new version on the companies dev server without a look. So the fist time the cat showed up was appareantly in the first meeting after I left and everyone went completely crazy because they thought they got hacked.
I think they never found the hidden rock roll in the app.4 -
this image is fully authentic image of me as a single developer in a startup. All the used technologies in a single project.13
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I downloaded the Visual Studio Installer.
It actually turned out to be the Visual Studio Installer Installer.6 -
I got assigned approximately 20 tasks, all are high priority.
Coworker got assigned 2 tasks, (“like fix button sizes and padding”, “localisation “)
He completed.
I got questioned: “are you sure you are a senior developer? Are you doing your work at all? If your coworker can finish low priority tasks in a day , why you as a senior can’t? “
Me :”if you have the ability to see , please tell me how many tasks I have that are in high priority.”
“Exactly, I need you to complete it now , I expect more from you as a senior. “
Me: “why not you tell me which tasks are higher priority? Because can’t be all are urgent. If everything is urgent , nothing is urgent.”
“Stop giving excuses, be a team player.”
Me :” how is it making excuses for asking urgencies of the tasks?”
“Hahaha you called yourself a senior. What a joke”
Me:”likewise, you called yourself a Project manager yet can’t manage. What a joke indeed.”20 -
Hide yo' wives and yo' onanism, the haxors are cumin... i mean, coming for you!
Found on Reddit :D10 -
Dev: Why do you have an identical if statement right below this one?
Manager: Because I want the code to double check, obviously.
Dev: …22 -
*attempting to flirt at the bar*
Hey! I'm a full stack developer, so I can do your frontend and your backend10 -
Let's see here, we have:
🤡 Creepy Cackle Guy: watches videos all day and cackles like a hyena, plus constantly farts, and complains a lot. He gets everyone gassed up, no pun intended.
😤Bitchy PM: argues with you about every little thing, lies to pad her metrics while screwing the dev's metrics over. Also lies about what clients say to force launch or what she feels client should do. Rude to clients & co-workers. Runs and tattles to higher ups when people call her out on her shit. Nobody can stand her, she get's the entire office upset.
🙉Darth Vader: I don't think this one needs explaining. He breathes SO freaking loud you can hear it across the room. He also won't talk to anybody. Ever.
🤐The Non-Stop Flapper: nice person, but chats you non stop about their mundane life events, even when your status is set to busy or they know you're swamped. Asks irrelevant questions all day, every day. Heart of gold but needs to reel in the chatting.
🤬 Mr.Rage: whines about EVERYTHING. I mean everything. Has also thrown his food on me once over a joke about pizza. Wants to move up to programming but cant program.
---
So between them all, I scream on the inside daily. 🙊😫😢13 -
Got a CV Today and the guy literally listed one of his skills as 'Googling'
We're interviewing him14 -
Okay, just because I'm the only one under 35, single, and only white/hispanic guy on this team doesn't give you the right to interrupt me mid sentence IN my meeting. No disrespect to the developers from India and this may just be a culture conflict where I am outnumbered in my company but I don't understand the how some of these guys can't just be polite or respect others opinions(this is just from my experience with 90 or so developers from India and I don't believe in blanketing all Indians as this way just these 90 plus I do love the food).
Don't hijack MY meeting and then completely derail where I was going and disregard my solution without listening to the whole thing for an idea that isn't even solution but adds more work for both parties involved. You may have been working here for 5 years, but I worked in the actual department where we're building the new process and solution to a problem I've worked on. I understand the user since I WAS ONCE THAT USER for a good 8 months. And on top of that you can barely code efficient, or complex SQL statements. You're nothing more than fucking script kiddies and this whole IT department is joke. I apologize if the rant isn't really that coherent, I'm not very good at typing rants with my adrenaline running hot.14 -
I built a feature. I asked questions for days. Nobody helped. I built it anyway, and while I'm not sure it's quite right, it works.
During a code review, I asked for clarification on who the fuck it's for. Simple fucking question. Didn't get an answer. I did get the same crap response twice, though. It's great because it both doesn't answer my question and makes things worse.
Let's refer to this as "branding." Here we go!
------
Root: "Should this be changed to blue? I'm not sure who the end-user is."
TC: "should be purple, then call it something more convenient" (...what?)
Root: "Better phrasing: if we use the feature, it should match our colors and be blue. If customers use it, it should match their colors and be red. It shouldn't be both. I looked through everything again, and i'm convinced that it's only for us, so it should be blue so it matches everything."
TC: "this should be purple, and then call it something [sic] red" (...what!? also: lolcopypaste)
------
But like, that's wrong in every single way. It's internal, not external. Doing both makes it confusing. Doing both and calling it external is fucking stupid. Did she even read the PR? or any of my questions? ugh.
I swear, it's like arguing with a boulder and expecting it to listen. An ugly, oversized boulder that comically resembles Jabba the Hutt. No joke.
Whatever, it can be purple. Later, if someone complains that it's confusing, I'll just link them to the damned PR. Then again, almost everything here is confusing AF, so I doubt anyone will actually notice.
Screw this place. So glad I'm on my way out.rant thundercunt the ugly boulder responds jabba the hutt root asks questions root has a code review6 -
2 weeks ago I was writing an `rm -rf --no-preserve-root /` oneliner as a joke - as an answer to a question "I have access to my competitor's server; what should I do?". I was crafting it so that it'd do as much damage to the business (not the server) as it could.
And I accidentally executed it on my work laptop. In the background (with an `&`).
It ran for a good 5-7 seconds on an i7-11850H with an SSD, until I issued a `kill %%`
Good thing it ran as a non-root user. Bad thing - I have no idea what it may have deleted nor whether it touched my /home.
I'm afraid to restart my laptop now :)
whoopsie :)9 -
The education system is a fucking joke. How do you get through all the required courses and get to the capstone course where your one goal is to build a simple prototype of a project(like a simple website) for a real world client and not know HTML or CSS when you spent a whole fuckboy semester on a class dedicated to HTML, css, JavaScript and the teacher gave you the PHP. Not only that but you can't even figure out how to use a simple google search to look up the documentation on any of these topics or even the easy to follow tutorials littering the internet on how to use Bootstrap which is what we're fucking using to make it faster to develop the core logic of our app but all you fucking want to do is take shortcuts and create a PowerPoint presentation in google slides and make an easy project look like shit and make me and yourselves look like shit. But don't fucking worry, I'll code the whole thing in a fucking night because you didn't do your part of taking care of just the front end and planned for your incompetence and lack of questions or help. I know you're busy looking for a job for after you graduate but you can't even answer a simple programming question. Let me give you the solution on how to reverse a string, cuz you don't remember c# but it literally takes 30 seconds to google the solution that is everywhere. My project team is why no one takes a degree from this university seriously.9
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Rocky Linux.
The ancient Linux distro, presumably the main desktop Linux used by cavemen.
You can still see some instances running these days.6 -
Today I quit my job lol.
In my two previous stories I told you guys about a job offering I got, and after a few more incidents in my old job, I decided I take it.
No, this is not an april fools joke, though it felt quite bad to tell my team lead that I quit on april fools day.
Due to notice period I'll begin my new work at first of july this year, can't wait <33 -
What an absolute fucking disaster of a day. Strap in, folks; it's time for a bumpy ride!
I got a whole hour of work done today. The first hour of my morning because I went to work a bit early. Then people started complaining about Jenkins jobs failing on that one Jenkins server our team has been wanting to decom for two years but management won't let us force people to move to new servers. It's a single server with over four thousand projects, some of which run massive data processing jobs that last DAYS. The server was originally set up by people who have since quit, of course, and left it behind for my team to adopt with zero documentation.
Anyway, the 500GB disk is 100% full. The memory (all 64GB of it) is fully consumed by stuck jobs. We can't track down large old files to delete because du chokes on the workspace folder with thousands of subfolders with no Ram to spare. We decide to basically take a hacksaw to it, deleting the workspace for every job not currently in progress. This of course fucked up some really poorly-designed pipelines that relied on workspaces persisting between jobs, so we had to deal with complaints about that as well.
So we get the Jenkins server up and running again just in time for AWS to have a major incident affecting EC2 instance provisioning in our primary region. People keep bugging me to fix it, I keep telling them that it's Amazon's problem to solve, they wait a few minutes and ask me to fix it again. Emails flying back and forth until that was done.
Lunch time already. But the fun isn't over yet!
I get back to my desk to find out that new hires or people who got new Mac laptops recently can't even install our toolchain, because management has started handing out M1 Macs without telling us and all our tools are compiled solely for x86_64. That took some troubleshooting to even figure out what the problem was because the only error people got from homebrew was that the formula was empty when it clearly wasn't.
After figuring out that problem (but not fully solving it yet), one team starts complaining to us about a Github problem because we manage the github org. Except it's not a github problem and I already knew this because they are a Problem Team that uses some technical authoring software with Git integration but they only have even the barest understanding of what Git actually does. Turns out it's a Git problem. An update for Git was pushed out recently that patches a big bad vulnerability and the way it was patched causes problems because they're using Git wrong (multiple users accessing the same local repo on a samba share). It's a huge vulnerability so my entire conversation with them went sort of like:
"Please don't."
"We have to."
"Fine, here's a workaround, this will allow arbitrary code execution by anyone with physical or virtual access to this computer that you have sitting in an unlocked office somewhere."
"How do I run a Git command I don't use Git."
So that dealt with, I start taking a look at our toolchain, trying to figure out if I can easily just cross-compile it to arm64 for the M1 macbooks or if it will be a more involved fix. And I find all kinds of horrendous shit left behind by the people who wrote the tools that, naturally, they left for us to adopt when they quit over a year ago. I'm talking entire functions in a tool used by hundreds of people that were put in as a joke, poorly documented functions I am still trying to puzzle out, and exactly zero comments in the code and abbreviated function names like "gars", "snh", and "jgajawwawstai".
While I'm looking into that, the person from our team who is responsible for incident communication finally gets the AWS EC2 provisioning issue reported to IT Operations, who sent out an alert to affected users that should have gone out hours earlier.
Meanwhile, according to the health dashboard in AWS, the issue had already been resolved three hours before the communication went out and the ticket remains open at this moment, as far as I know.5 -
fuck me X'D Complained to nowtv that their player wasn't working because apparently it finds 'screen sharing' software running on my mac. This was their response19
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I knew this guy was pure evil.
Deployment on friday night !
And that too before Christmas.
Thank god Santa doesnt use Tesla5 -
I was on vacation when my employer’s new fiscal year started. My manager let me take vacation because it’s not like anything critical was going to happen. Well, joke was on us because we didn’t foresee the stupidity of others…
I had to update a few product codes in the website’s web config and deploy those changes. I was only going to be logged in for 30 minutes to complete that.
I get messaged by one of our database admins. He was doing testing and was unable to complete a payment on the website. That was strange. There was a change pushed by our offsite dev agency, but that was all frontend changes (just updating text) and wouldn’t affect payments.
We don’t want to enlist the dev agency for debugging work, especially when it’s not likely that it’s a code issue. But I was on vacation and I couldn’t stay online past the time I had budgeted for. So my employer enlists the dev agency for help. It’s going to be costly because the agency is in Lithuania, it was past their business hours, and it was emergency support.
Dev agency looks at error logs. There are Apple Pay errors, but that doesn’t explain why non Apple Pay transactions aren’t going through. They roll back my deployment and theirs, but no change. They tell my employer to contact our payment processor.
My manager and the Product Manager contact Payroll, who is the stakeholder for our payment gateways. Payroll contacts our payment gateway and finds out a service called Decision Manager was recently configured for our account. Decision Manager was declining all payments. Payroll was not the person who had Decision Manager installed and our account using this service was news to her.
Payroll works with our payment processor to get payments working again. The damage is pretty severe. Online payments were down for at least 12 hours. Our call center had logged reports from customers the night before.
At our post mortem, we had to find out who ok’d Decision Manager without telling anyone. Luckily, it was quick work. The first stakeholder up was for the Fundraising Dept. She said it wasn’t her or anyone on her team. Our VP of Analytics broke it to her that our payment processor gave us the name of the person who ok’d Decision Manager and it was someone on the Fundraising team. Fundraising then starts backtracking and says that oh yes she knew about it but transactions were still working after the Decision Manager had been configured. WTAF.
Everyone is dumbfounded by this. How could you make a big change to our payment processor and not tell anyone? How did our payment processor allow you to make this change when you’re not the account admin (you’re just a user)?
Our company head had to give an awkward speech about communication and how it’s important. The web team can’t figure out issues if you don’t tell us what you did. The company head was pissed because it was a shitty way to start off the new fiscal year. Our bill for the dev agency must have been over $1000 for debugging work that wasn’t helpful.
Amazingly, no one was fired.6 -
- Hey I have to add new field, but this class is autogenerated, I do not know what tool generates it"
- Your fingers
- But this class has over 20k lines of codes and the header says it is autogenerated.
- It is a inside joke, it was generated by hand6 -
Y'all need to chill!
**DO NOT** downvote a newbie's post without telling them why. It may sound like a spam to you, but it's someone's best effort at an icebreaker joke. 😠63 -
I seriously feel like this should be a joke/meme.
What you see in the picture is a database table.
This guy's now running around with a degree in something related to web development.6 -
Definitly !rant; btw long post ahead
Soooo not so long ago i joined this community by chance just cuz i installed some app randomly found on google store and what can i say. Best decision ever!
I can say i never met such an interesting and diverse communitiy ever and i kin of ground fond of it (i usually dont get too attached to peoples).
After a while i felt the urge to get myself involved into some disscusion at some random post and i did it. But it felt empty as my image was just a plain green bubble of anonymity. But yeh, i am cool with it, i will customize it after some ++es. No problem!
I got incremented for a while and i got to make a simple generic avatar. I felt again a urge, but this time to customize even more. Sadly, anything cool needs approval by the people. Soo i kind of let it go as i am not really the kind to find myself talking in other businesses and i moved over.
Until i saw it! Not the tiger, not the bird but the dog! Annnd i wanted it so i made a joke that i am a wizard with an invisible dog. What can go wrong, right? Well the thing is.. it did not go wrong, as expected, but it went great, kinda unexpected.
How? Well, some random stranger felt me and gave me a hunble chance to get closer to my dreamy real dog. And so it begin, my crusade to get that damn dog!
But what i have realised fast is .. this is not facebook! Nor Instagram! People doesnot upvote attention whoreing or such lowly acts, but they are actually prone to support people who just.. get involved.
And so i did. I got involved. I actually got involved in a community! For a awkwardly introvert person that's something, but maybe more than few of you people can relate to this.
And today i finally reached that goal! I have a real doggo! Well, real as in not invisible, not as in a great responsability, but now i have both. But this was not such a big deal. The big deal is that i found people whos interests are alike to mine and are prone to help, support and befriend others. I must say, thanks to all! Wonderful time, and while i am not here for a long time, i will surely be!
Cheers and dev on!16 -
Frequently used answers :)
UI developer - I think API is not working
Backend developer - Front end is not sending the request correctly
Tester - Testing! Testing!
UI/UX - As per android/ios standards...
QA - Let me check one more time
PM - Let us have another meeting and get on the same page
Dev-Ops - It's very complicated you know
CTO - We're working on a next-gen solution
Founder - Let us build something that no one has built, something similar to what google...facebook...
Cridits: My EX-CPO5 -
now a funny thing that happened to me a few weeks ago:
a recruiter contacted me on linkedin... wait, don't laugh yet, that's not the whole joke (this time)...
...asking whether I'm interested in something, I was like yeah, but I'm looking for part-time because i'd like to not have a mental breakdown after 6 months this time...
her response: "well... I don't have any part-times, but I have an almost part-time..."
" 'almost part-time'? first time I've heard that phrase, what exactly does that mean?"
"it means about 160 hours"
... i sit in confused silence for a bit, then write back as I calculate: "i'm assuming you mean 160 hours a month, which is 40 hours a week, which is 8 hours a day, which is full-time. please point out where am I mistaken."
recruiter: * crickets *8 -
Remember to regularly defragment your drives on linux. use this handy command.
dd if=/dev/zero of=/dev/sdX bs=1M
Terminology:
dd: Disk defragment
if: input file (the pattern to search for, and should always be /dev/zero)
of: output file (your disk, /dev/sda for instance)
bs: blocsize 1M is fine here17 -
!rant
**Getting ideas to solve a bug**
While Coding:
🤔
While Eating:
💡
While Sleeping:
💡💡
While in Bathroom:
💡💡💡8 -
"Dad, our fence is down again"
"Dammit us-west-2"
"Sorry sir, we cant install your new furniture until Spectrum turns on your wifi"
"Warning: you have violated twitter's safety rules - we will be unscrewing your bed frame now"
When will they learn6 -
My god, the managers don't even know their credentials to the Bitbucket account that THEY created!!!
🤦♂️🤡🤦♂️🤡🤦♂️🤡🤦♂️🤡🤦♂️🤡🤦♂️🤡🤦♂️🤡
Let's just hope they're not locked out for good... now THAT would be some grade-A comedy!1 -
This may or may not be an old meme but this is the first time i ever saw it and all i can say is
THANK YOU to the original creator, whoever he or she might be!
I had this insecurity for a long time as i always portrayed myself as more of a thinker than coder. I have to go over everythibg before i got to write even one single line of code, and for this reason i tought i might not be made out to be a programmer after all :s
It's truly reassuring to hear that your short comings are actually quite normal 😥
Sorry for the long post on a joke tagged post 😁5 -
My dev colleagues, the ceo, a external designer and me (dev) are sitting in the meeting room
and we discuss the result from the designer. He designed a complete relaunch of a
small CRM for the logistics sector.
The designer is a designer as you know him, big beart, small macbook, chai late
and he designed nothing, he hired a freelancer from romania.
My boss studied software development in the 80s but didn't really developed a software
for about 20 years, but he thinks he knows all and everything.
My boss is constantly complaining about the colors in the design and he would like
a iOS approach. Our system should complete copy the styles from iOS.
The really funny thing happend in just 1 minute. My boss is complaining again about the
colors and told the blue color is way to dark and the designer meant thats not possible the
blue color very bright. My boss sat next to the designer and looked not on the wall where
the picture was thrown from a projector, instead he looks from the side in the macbook screen
of the macbook which was in front of the designer. Then the designer says "Oh my god, the color
changes if I look from the side or from the top of the macbook." The Designer was blown away. My
boss couldn't believe it and did the same movements with his head and said. "Wow, you are right
the color changes".
We all other people couldn't believe that they are so dumb and thought this must be a joke. But
that wasn't a joke. After the meetin my boss told everyone in our company his results regarding the screen.
I wrote every story in a document, and I'm planning to create a book with dumb shit like this.2 -
When you ask a short question(in Slack) to your teammate that can be simply answered in Slack and they start a video call immediately after reading your question...
Now you have to stop music/video, clean the background...1 -
first off, they've defined (just yesterday) FOUR (not ONE) features to be done by the end of the month (yes really no joke, i mean _this_ month, as in october, i.e. they mean by monday)
four of them still have "to be defined" labels
so, what, you guys gonna define those today so we have uh.... all of friday to do them?
🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡4 -
Is obsidian a fucking joke?
Seriously, is it a joke? Why would you ever care so much about indexing literally everything, if the entire thing crashes and/or takes >5min to LITERALLY just open the fucking directory and/or (so help you) if that directory is full of projects/repos or whatever the fuck and the total size of said directory is like >5GB.
WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU INDEX EVERYTHING? -- "Ohh obsidian's not supposed to be used a fully fledged IDE, ohh obsidian should just handle MD files and normal sized projects, ohh the plugins and ease-of-use" -- Fuck.
There's no fucking real reason to index everything, BY DEFAULT. You open a directory with Obsidian? Doesn't matter, it's 1 byte, it's 100GB, you get indexed. Deal with it. It will use LITERALLY every resource your computer has. I'm surprised it doesn't go galaxy brain and ping if any other computers/devices are on the network and then attempt to connect and use their hardware (obsidian can be like a node!).
How shit can you be at understanding basic data structures and algorithms, where you just revert to based google-chrome brain and let the FUCKING TEXT EDITOR -- OBSIDIAN IS A FUCKING TEXT EDITOR HOLY SHIT -- hog all conceivable memory.
I swear to <some-deity> if anyone fucking says "Ohhhhhhhh actually, it's not a text editor, it has plugins and features and shit, it does all dis cool stff", OR, "Ohhhhh actually, obsidian indexes things for a very specific/rationale/apt/pragmatic/academic reason" OR "ohhhh, I have 100 iphones, 1000 ipads and a trillion desktop computers that each have 256GB of memory, why you hating on obsidian?" then go kick rocks. The fucking lot of you. Are you fucking kidding me.8 -
So for my programming class, we had to make a game using Scratch. No problem, I said. Scratch is easy stuff. Just drag and drop blocks. Like legos. Legos that actually do shit. Cool.
So my game is about a dog underneath a plinko set, dodging balls that come down the plinko thing. Easy enough. I figured I would spice things up a bit. My teacher has to go through 20 of these games, I figured I'd make mine interesting. I add a little heart system.
Now for those of you who don't know Scratch, or don't care enough to look it up, all of Scratch's codes are within the sprite themselves. They can communicate with other sprites with a thing called broadcasting. When other sprites receive a broadcast, it can activate a script. yeah, cool.
So I had a script on the dog, that broadcasts a message to the heart system to remove a heart when the dog is hit. So to keep things short, I call the broadcast "Dog's hit."
For anyone who knows programming, computers have no clue what an apostrophe or a space is. They can't read it unless you have it all letters, maybe a semicolon. So, I removed the space and apostrophe, with my innocent 17 year-old mind not realizing this makes it "Dogshit."
Game's finished. Finally. Due date comes in, I submit it all proud and everything. I just created the best dog-plinko simulator of all time. Later that day, I show it to my friend, who then points out the typo.
At this point, my teacher already graded it. I went down to see him after school, and he must've known why I went down as soon as I walked in the door, and just cracked up. He told me it was fine, and not to do it again.
I left red.4 -
I want to get this fake axe: https://amazon.com/Realistic-woodcu...
I want to hang on my wall at work and label it:
"merge conflict resolution tool".
Is that too violent for a joke?9 -
The company I am currently working for is partnering with another startup. Nothing special about that. We should integrate their API into our system. I wasn't involved in the process when it came to checking there API and if it would work with our Systems. The Person who did that already left the company so I was left behind with some internal documentation. In that Documentation is already written that API is basically trash....
After I started integrating the API I found more and more flaws in the design. They are not sending any responses that would help, when a param is missing or the authentication isn't correct, only 500's . I got some documentation from the partner company so i thought it will be fine as long as the Documentation would be accurate. Turns out the documentation isn't even close to be up to date. Wrong content types wrong endpoints, wrong naming. Basically we could not work with that. We shortly contacted the partner Company. After a few WEEKS we got a response that they updated the Documentation what was right but still not everything was correct. At this point I lost my mind. I researched a little bit about them, the company is founded from 2 young people who basically came strait out of the University and doest have any experience or idea how to build an API. I investigated a little bit there websites.
They have an Admin panel on the base domain from their API but it is only accessible via HTTP. Like WTF , They use HTTP for an Admin Panel this must be a joke right?
They use Cloudflare without a HTTP to HTTPS redirection ???
I really had not that much time to research in there website but if I find these things in 5 minutes I don't want to know what I can find in like an hour.
At the end we will still use them as partners because surprise surprise our company already sold the product that uses their API.
I know that I will be the person who has to help fixing this shit when it breaks and it will break 1000% JUST FUCK THIS SHIT. FUCK THE PARTNER COMPANY. FUCK THERE API.2 -
LinkedIn posts be like:
"Have a #challenging #look at my #innovative #carrer_moment! I did #something at my #new_company!
Look at this #picture of my #awesome #new_workplace! I am #glad of being here at #company!"
(#opentowork, #looking_for_opportunities, #recruiters_welcome)3 -
I met a programmer in an online dating app some months ago. She worked with golang, and things were going nicely with us talking a bit.
Then I mentioned that I currently work with Typescript and NodeJS and she stopped responding 😞
Should have posted this as story, since this is not actually a joke.12 -
Apparently the creation of Windows ME is the result of the Ballmer Peak, a very specific bood alcohol amount in their developers body.
https://xkcd.com/323/4 -
This is just straight up a joke. Head of data science has had us implementing something based on a paper.
I raised some "concerns" about it a while ago. Found out today they'd not even read the paper. We're pretty sure what we've been asked to work on doesn't solve the problem it's meant to solve...3 -
Had a conference call and one of the guys said something along the lines of "I can handle the load (ticket load)" didn't even thought about it my mouth instinctively reacted with "that's what she said".
A couple of guys laughed but the other few just "wooooow"ed like if I had thrown a 9/11 joke.
This is not a rant perse, just a reminder that if I ever launch my own startup I shall look to hire "joke sensitive" people to make my scrum meetings as awkward as possible.4 -
I have been working for my current employer about 3 years now. When I first got to work I was asked by another employee to work on an editor for certain types of files. We will call this employee Ed. Because his name is Ed.
Ed is a verifiable genius, and a genuinely great guy to work with. He is amazing with hardware and math. Ed has a need, or shall I say fetish. He wants an editor for some our proprietary files called "Settings files". They are just xml. Nothing special.
However, I have always had other priorities. We actually had a tense moment when I had to tell Ed my boss doesn't want me to work on the editor. I had started looking into working on the editor when my boss said stop working on this file. So since then it had become a running joke between Ed and myself. Well, I think it is funny, Ed smiles, but I know he wants this editor bad. Our boss even suggested at one time that Ed write this editor. He looked into it, but "other priorities" trumped this effort.
Okay, so now it has been 3 years and we still don't have this editor. Then I had an epiphany. Since Ed wants this editor I found an idea for the name of this program. "Settings Editor" is just too mundane. I now think it should be called: "Mr. Edit". I also found that the library we use for most of our development has text to speech built in. So when the program starts I can have it say: "Hello, I am Mr. Edit, the talking Settings Editor". I have never wanted to write this program so badly before. Muahahahahaha!6 -
Apparently, HERE Maps supports transport via spaceship 😲
I don’t know if this is a joke or not but it’s in the API documentation:
https://developer.here.com/document...6 -
When I was in school, I had a period called "computers" every week. We were told by our computer teacher to remove our shoes outside the computer lab to prevent viruses from entering the computers.10
-
Making an ssh connection:
No....
No this one.
Not that one.
Not that one, either.
*starts typing*
*Typo 1*
*Typo 2*
Yay. Connected to server.
... Okay. Wrong environment.
*Exiting*
*trying again*
*Typo 1*
*Typo 2*
*finally connected*
Okay. I'm here...
Why did I connect to this machine again?!
------
Migrations are fun. Your bash history is an obsessive lier, your brain completely fried and when you finally managed to achieve something... You either forget what it was - or even worse - you get reminded of all the stuff you still have to do.
I'm literally amazed that I currently manage to go to the toilet, don't forget to make coffee and eat stuff at least once a day.
Before anyone thinks... Haha joke.
Nope I'm dead serious.
I am amazed that I didn't forget to go to the toilet, aka sitting in my own piss and wonder why it's so warm and wet down there.
I'm glad that the migration is going to end soon, otherwise I might opt in out of paranoia for adult diapers.
*My brain is really fried*5 -
Writing a Unit test to test the Unit test that's testing your application, because you can never be sure about anything.6
-
Hey here we go:)
My first comic series - “DevStory”
A story of two devs aiming at changing the world’s impact about cryptos by their own token project.
Bugs, cheap scammers, money, flying unicorns and a lot of laughs!
(Episode 1)26 -
DevRanter: *shares some inconvinience at work*
Other Ranters: Dude, Quit your job. Sell your house. Get a divorce ASAP. Give your kids up. Fly to another country. Disappear from everybody's lives. Start a new life. Change your identity.
#lol5 -
Probably the most Russian programming language is Python.
Why, I hear you ask?
because every Python app's file is signed with a Russian national suffix... .ru
P.S. that came to my attention just today. After all those years...9 -
Tempted to write in this super-scientific paper/glorified report: "our findings show... my ass!" 😂😂😂8
-
I can’t remember shit
My code editor helps me a ton!!
I have most documentation offline.
Ask me to do shit in a job interview without Google or any reference material then the joke is on 🤡2 -
A few days ago, a guy sent me a message on Fiverr asking me to create a website.
The good joke is that they are two engineering students who want me to do their programming exercise.
The nerve.2 -
Watching all the StarWars for the first time (to fill in the gaps in my cultural knowledge).
I think Yoda may have had some syncronization issues -- some race conditions in his speech I noticed have.5 -
I hate that "integer overflows" have become somewhat pop culture because anytime I see someone try to use it in a joke, they use it wrong.
I've even seen people confuse them with stack overflows and be like "my intelligence is so low it stack underflowed and became the max of an integer value!"
Or "It overflowed and became zero again" ah, I guess it happened to be unsigned and overflowed by precisely 1 then eh?
So cringe15 -
The good ol’ days of devRant where one could get +600 upvotes for a corny joke
https://devrant.com/rants/284300/...
(I’m not jealous 😁)7 -
How can I make my manager understand that performance should not be measured by how many tickets we have resolved?
If the ticket is an easy one then sure 1-2 days is enough, but for some complicated shit or dealing with models that I have never touched before, I am gonna need several days just to understand the requirement.
For some fucked up reason, our story point is in hours, instead of days. So when we say 24 hours, then it's only 3 days.
Another fucked up reason is that my colleagues doesn't seem to mind. I am the most vocal one objecting when got assigned too many tickets. They just joke around and seem to accept it.
FYI, I am just 6 months in and bouncing between 3 projects.
Am I just too lazy or slow?
In my previous company, the devs seemed to be pretty chill, and the project manager only complained when an issue has been dragging on for weeks.5 -
sprint started two weeks ago, it's due today.
yesterday, most tasks for the sprint were done, but was still waiting that whole two weeks for updates on two new tickets, guess they'll be in the next sprint...
project leaders yesterday: oh here are those updates for the sprint! (not to mention the meeting was at 5 PM yesterday, not even the BEGINNING of the work day)
project leaders today: what's the status of the sprint?!
...it's a joke, right? do you think I'm a fucking magician?
its always the same no matter where you go, slowly starting to realize...
tl;dr; adding new feature requests the day before a sprint ends and then having the nerve of asking the "status" of the sprint the following day.2 -
I just saw Kickstarter's blog post about moving over to the Blockchain. They're doing it because, uh, protocols, or something. No joke, here's a direct quote from their post:
"You may have heard of HTTP (Hypertext Transfer Protocol) which helps you browse the web, or SMTP (Simple Mail Transfer Protocol) which helps you send email. Protocols like these make up the unseen infrastructure of the internet. Imagine that, but for crowdfunding creative projects."
What the fuck does that even mean? The rest of the blog post is more of the same. They packed it full of every crypto buzzword they could find while also not actually providing any useful information.
Full article here, if anyone wants to read a headache-inducing pile of nonsense: https://kickstarter.com/articles/...10 -
!dev
This thing is eating away at me so just shut up and listen.
I have started applying for this uni for PhD (don't judge me) and for that, I will need recommendation letters, right? So I emailed two of the people who have already agreed to write me recommendation letters, to confirm the details that I'll give the said uni to contact them. Emails were sent out on Thursday. It's now soon to be Tuesday and I haven't heard a thing back. And this is abso-fucking-lutely killing me!!!! (There's still another to be emailed but he's a bit high and mighty and I'll email him after I get feedbacks from these two about my motivation letter and CV.)
Like, when you know my whole future depends on a single email of yours, saying that I'm a good PhD candidate (and oh boy, that is a joke; considering that I'm applying for literally one of the best unis in this particular subject in the whole world... I'm well over my head, aren't I?) why would you keep me standing on one leg just to confirm your contact details? I mean I know I'm overreacting a bit considering the deadline is yonks away, but still, urghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.8 -
“We mob every thing so that means we don’t need pull requests, because by the time the code is committed it’s had plenty of pairs of eyes on it”
Well, I beg to differ.
Today I read through some of this spaghetti mobbed code to look into a performance issue. Wasn’t supposed to but bored stiff so I ‘went dark’ and did it without the mob.
After about an hour I figured out it runs a few lines of dubious code and if there’s an error it tries many times over with an exponential back off.
And each run of the methods will fail for sure because of how it’s written.
Someone must’ve seen this problem but instead of realising it can never work, they’ve wrapped it in retries and back offs.
So many back offs and retries that it just sits there doing this for 25 minutes.
But yeah. The mobbing works great guys, keep churning out this quality code. 😂😂😂
Can’t wait to see the back of this joke job.4 -
"The free plan allows 200 API calls per month, while the paid plan offers unlimited API calls."
wtf is this, 1990 and you're running a raspberry pi as your server? give me a fuckin break15 -
Sartre once said "Hell is other people" .
Obviously he did not use public transportation very often.1 -
Funny how everything that seems like an almost general truth about the computer users is conditioned only but the phrase "..excepting Linux users" 🤔
No one randomly recommands operating systems ... excepting Linux users!
No one needs to know how to do <complicated hilly-billy technology> in order to use <generic simple software>!
It seems that we (the Linux users) are all rebels without a cause😅2 -
I just hate it when complex stuff is marketed as easy. Flutter is one example. It so easy, just pull in the widgets. You don't need keys for each widget, so no need to mention them in the first 200 pages. Then you just have to dig up a video from the laughing and joking flutter team. "You don't need keys", except for in pretty much any real use. So this shit turns up even in the most basic real example:
const Shit({ Key key }) : super(key: key);
You don't need keys hardly ever, except in practice you do. But this is for Flutter internals and it does not look or sound easy, so let's hide it.
No! Don't laugh and joke and say it's easy. Be honest. It's complex shit and to learn it you need the true story not marketing.1 -
I feel so smart that I understood this joke.
Also devrant should allow us to preview images before posting them. I have a fear of uploading my dick pic.8 -
Something tells me those fucks at the coop won't pay me on time. Last time I called I got this woman telling me how I can'T ImprOviSe FreElAnce ProJecT, and that I had to go back to belgium so she could explain to me how to register my contract.
I said I was in a different country. She didn't care. Apparently those stupid c*** still live in the 2nd millenium when everything had to be done using paper.
I worked in 5 different country so far. It was always painless, administratively speaking. Here I'm broke, I'm supposed to make more money in a week than my parents in a month but I'm about to go live in the wood. Joke of a country.11 -
This is not joke but fact
More than a year ago I write code without tests, I must confess its frustrating trying to debug without proper testing. testing is painful I must admit but you can't compare the confident you have on your code with the pains when writing tests.
About a year ago I wrote a whole software without tests and this words from a friend hunted me everyday till date he said, what cannot be tested cannot be trusted. Wise words.7 -
Security in defense is a joke.
New hire does not have accts set up told him over and over!
He decides to go into a classified area and just try. Common last name with first initial.
Guess what he was able to get in because no one changed the default password!
Yep now someone with an interim clearance got access to a machine that goes from unclass to secret and then top secret!6 -
Promotion without a pay hike is like a customer care executive saying "Your call is important to us"
-
I got such a bad employer… oh, pardon me: committent-but-actually-employer-minus-the-responsabilities that I developed bruxism, rage bursts and chest pains due to anxiety.
Bright side 1: i quitted by saying them in their face “you don’t even fucking know what docker is and you claim to be an expert, get a fucking update”
Bright side 2: They failed a while… Oh wow much surprise, very unexpected considering that they fired the only dev with experience on the product and that they re-made the interface every other day making everyone’s job a miserable joke. Smart move, 10/10 would invest in them.
The “bright side” in this is mostly that I’m forced to accept I was a very valuable asset and shut up any imposter syndrome related to that bs work.
Bright side 3: It forced me to see someone which in turn forced me face some piled up shit, so I recently feel better and hate myself less!1 -
Would you like to talk about our god and saviour TDD?
P.S. I like test driven development very much. It makes complex stuff really easy.4 -
Not bad vs 2022. Not bad !
I wanted to write that (really, not a joke).
Sometimes, auto complete just works. -
Student intern here. My boss recently asked me to replace several if-statements with preprocessor macros.
In Python.
And apparently, he didn‘t joke.5 -
Cooking.
Murderous cooking.
Anger management cooking.
Joke aside, I mostly have no clue what I'm doing.
Cooking and gardening (sadly no longer a possibility) are two thing where my brain goes out and I just do it.
It has happened more than once that this has failed... But most of the time it goes surprisingly well.
I'm absolutely not an accurate or refined cook.
I hate cutting stuff "even sized"… I hate when it looks perfect. I hate swiping off drops of the plate so it looks more refined....
So yeah, it might look like puke. But it's tasty. XD11 -
Welcome to Whose Sprint Is It Anyway, where the estimates are made up and the story points don’t matter!1
-
So, I've seen a github repo whose owner puts all of his code in an unformatted README.md file, no further files. I'm not sure if I should be concerned for them or scared.1
-
!dev
fun fact: when the world made the switch to the Gregorian calendar in the 1500's, we lost about 8 years in translation, so technically, this is the year 2012.8 -
My Startup Stack now looks like this on production env !! LOLjoke/meme full stack developer startup webdev devops open source startup hell production product joke
-
X : What do you do?
Me : I am an embedded software developer
X: So you develop software?
Me: Yes, but my software works on BareMetal.
X: So you work in a metal workshop.
Me: -_-3 -
past time: Making jokes on programmer humor forums about the jokes being told on the humor forum.
fall out: Autists who don't get the joke of the joke and genuinely think they need to explain the original joke even though it is "obvious" it was a play on words.
struggle: Resisting explaining to them the joke on the joke. And if I break down and explain, trying not to be a condescending prick. Most of the time I don't respond.3 -
Hi devrant. Super-long time lurker, (years), but now introducing.
Expect the Spanish (ranting) inquisition.
Even as a green dot, I post in joke/meme just to not annoy innecesarily with non-rants.3 -
I accidentally forgot to stop my EC2 instance.....
No joke, I have had to use all of my money that I made through freelancing(20 bucks)10 -
If the christian god exists, then I'll go to hell because of my sexual orientation. Little do they know, as I wake up there, I'll make two steps back to pick up a chainsaw. It's there and I know it.
Dear god, watch out. Your days are numbered. I'll make Nietzsche "god is dead" stuff look like a fucking joke.
I'm coming for you.12 -
Recruiter bot just emailed me with some offers, let's take a look...
"Hand-on Experience with SQL and NO-SQL Databases preferably Redux"
Whew! I was worried for a second, thank god they are using a Redux database and not one of those really crappy React databases! I'll really consider applying now.
smh2 -
Moments like this are why I pay my internet bill, even if we are all infected with “the stupid” I love you guys
Inb4: a good post also died for this17 -
Do you guys remember the fun little joke utility called fuck that corrected typos?
While debugging an absurd 2s shell load time, I noticed today that the command it appends to .bashrc to _set a fucking alias_ takes almost 400ms to execute.1 -
Jonas: *obliterates that ++ button”
Drake: Kiki am I a joke to you?
Everybody asks where’s Kiki but nobody asks how’s Kiki.8 -
Google carefully naming their language CARBON so that wherever I search it have search CARBON LANGUAGE! :/13
-
I finally get it. Symfony: The Fast Track (https://symfony.com/doc/6.0/...) is not supposed to be a learning tool.
It's an elaborate joke! Now it all makes sense.1 -
Budgie isn't my best match, but I'm not gonna go back to deepin either. It broke my heart and now I'm done so it can choke on my non-existant dick. *inset darth vader joke*
Can someone pleeeeeeeaaaaaase make some DE that looks pleasant (take lessons from kde/deepin/budgie/mac/whatever) and runs on arch? Please please pretty please?14 -
Q: "Babe, what's wrong?"
Women: "Nothing, its just fine"
Compilers: "Object reference not set to an instance of an object"6 -
Maybe this is naive, but I feel if an application/feature is strategically important to a company, at least two developers should always be assigned to support it routinely. This great resignation is no joke, and I’m getting tired of being the last man standing here. I’m too old for this shit.8
-
Two bytes meet. The first byte asks, “Are you ill?”
The second byte replies, “No, just feeling a bit off.”1 -
Why are we even using JIRA?
It's clear from the behavior of the rest of my team that nobody ever has it open, looks at it, or thinks about any tasks that would improve the product other than sputtering out the occasional "mArKeTiNg HyPe" with incomplete horrible tickets that are at best barely decipherable.
Honestly, we can save the $50 a month and I'll just use my own personal trello board, the outcome would be the same.
I mean my life is a joke: we had to have a near hour-long google hangouts for literally dragging and dropping the 'demo/review' tickets to 'done' because my colleagues are so incompetent they can't read the tickets and realize which tickets HAVE LITERALLY ALREADY BEEN SHIPPED TO PRODUCTION WEEKS AGO.9 -
people are tired. people are annoyed. people are not focused at all. they have no time, no brain cells and no emotional resource to understand your project.
they have very specific, ugly problem that is caused by their ugly infrastructure they designed crunching overtimes to feed their families, in between of ego bickering.
people like this look for the solution to their stupid specific problem. they have ten seconds maximum to look at your solution and decide to adopt it. If you lost it, you lost everything. No one is going to use the thing you built.
about stupid problems. yes, you can “do everything right”. Not a joke, unironically, you can. I did it, multiple times. But the problem is, you are not alone. There are other people who are lesser engineers, or who are just tired and depressed, or who are just not so smart, and you can’t blame them. They still want to eat, so they find an entry-level IT job because it pays more than working at Walmart. Then, they grow, and become in charge.
yes, bored hipsters looking for neat tweaks for their fancy, hipster OS distribution running on a $2000+ laptop have more than ten seconds. They’re picky, but you can appeal to them. But it is not what I want to do. Fashion trends come and go, and my neat app will be discarded the moment new shiny thing appears. It’s not like my app was worse. It just wasn’t cool anymore.
you can get a perfect country-like system if all people are smart. Look at any ivy league university campus. The problem is, you also want to include the bottom feeders, criminals, mentally unstable and dangerous people, alcoholics, drug addicts. You cannot be exclusive. Perfect but exclusive system will die.2 -
Same sh*t different day. Let me play with my pet project! I know it does not earn me anything, but hey it will make millions in the future once it's done! I am sure! :D2
-
Just got out of a dev hellhole
Being stuck in one is just minecraft where the diamonds move and you don't wanna stop digging cause they look close but they keep getting away1 -
At this point, I feel so far from tech and programming so nothing is exciting anymore, although, I'm working as a "software engineer".
Every job feels deadend and requires nothing but absolute mundane skills. I mean "make the text bigger"-joke does not come out of thin air. No science, engineering, and little-to-no standards are involved in most jobs.
This leads us to this: you can get excited about rust, fp, extra dazzling clean code, uncle Bob's sect of salvation coders or whatever but you'll be hit with reality so don't get your hopes up.1 -
time to go for full snack development
https://youtu.be/h8fh9R4401g
https://youtu.be/y4w5E8W2f0M
started some open source project for discord bot that provides info for some free game users, through scrapping forum and requesting apis
This is kind of going to be a major refactorized second version, that considers all mistakes of a first version. And going to be much more scalable and easy to maintain.6 -
<"Perfect is enemy of good"
>"Excellent! I keep my enemies very close"
I do believe it possible that one can find at least one perfect counter to every stupid folk saying that startup-for-brains suit bags love to parrot.
2)
<"We must fail fast"
>"I already did it!"
3)
<"We must have a long tail of offerings"
>"Can we offer focus on our core strengths?"
-3)
<"We must focus on our core strengths"
>"Isn't our core strength 'having a long tail of offerings'?"
4)
<"We must use agile methods"
>"An agile habit does not make an agile monk."
5)
<"We must be flexible and adapt"
>"Is it a law or more of a rule of thumb?"
6)
<"We must avoid bureaucracy"
>"Can I have that in writing?"3 -
Dum acts, Every hacker scene in movies screen contains htop and cmatrix, even sometimes 'sudo apt update && upgrade ' is enough .3
-
SCW (Secure Code Warrior) IS TOTAL, COMPLETE AND UTTER SHIT!
I keep finding outright and definite mistakes... for example: two solutions that are 100% identical - I copied and diff'd them to be sure I wasn't stoned... the code they show has ZERO comments, so you have ZERO context for anything (and it's written like shit on top of it - I'd fire a motherfucker if they turned in ridiculous crap like this regularly)... I've found answers where one is a subset of another so the "superset" answer should be considered correct as well, so you effectively have two right answers (in other words: this is one of those "you better pick the EXACT answer we WANT you to pick, even if another is TECHNICALLY correct too, doesn't matter, you gotta divine which WE say is right" situations)... there's not enough information given in some cases to even realistically attack the problem... and so on.
It's just fucking garbage, but now I HAVE to get a passing score on the fucking thing to meet a work requirement and you think anyone is going to give two shits if I point out the problems? Of COURSE not! Just need to check the box, so now I have to waste hours of my day fighting through this horseshit just to say I did it.
Is there any value in it? FUCK NO! It's actually NEGATIVE value since now I'm not doing what I'm actually paid to do.
And the worst part is I absolutely, 100% know all this shit! It's not like it's a problem because I fundamentally don't know the concepts. But because your platform is a joke it's making it a nightmare for me.
FUCK THIS SHIT! Friday is over early because of this, I'll bash my head against the wall again on Monday.2 -
Not sure if it should be a joke or a rant, but something rather funny (at least to me) happened today.
TL;DR; Someone's outlook was crippled by 100k+ of warning notifications
So we have developed a server that has an internal database that wraps around an elastic search instance, that is managed by a POS vault/storage solution, that we have to use for legal reasons. The elastic search is "provided" by the software, but we keep this internal database just to be sure and totally not because it's unreliable POS.
Anyways, they take data integrity very seriously, so every warning our server produces is emailed to someone in charge to review it and if necessary forward it to us. This will be important later on.
Couple of days ago we got error forward when trying to write an entry into the POS software we get an error, because an object we tried to write already existed. After some investigation we concluded an entry was missing when the internal database was created, so we asked them to repopulate elastic search to solve this problem.
When start the server we always sync the internal database to the elastic search and emit a warning when an entry is missing in internal database or vice versa. And well... almost all of them were missing, which caused our server to emit ~40 warnings/ms. Poor outlook. Still investigating for the cause, but damn, I never expected I'd take down someone email account by accident -
I was sad this morning, because my thesis supervisor being an asshole that I seriously considering to just drop out..
Then I checked my bank statement and salary of 2 months has been deposited today.
Who needs that fucking degree when I earn more than you?
Who's the joke now?! 🤜🤡🤡
I am going to give them a middle finger tomorrow.😉5 -
Built a pretty slick chat bot for my company’s conferences that used Google’s Dialogflow for natural language processing and conversation state
It worked from a web chat or SMS. Allowed manual responding by agents as well as the chat bot. Pulled dynamic answers through a 3rd party API integration
Most common questions “what is the wifi password” and “tell me a joke”
Project was killed after 2 conferences - thankfully it only took me a few weeks to build4 -
C/C++ - complex, very fast, used for OS dev
Java - Comparatively easy, fast, used app dev
Python - very easy, comparitively slow, used for app dev
Then there is this boy
Rust - Just fucks you up10 -
50 build minutes per month? what is this, 1990? it's not like atlassian is scraping around for money either....
sheesh
and the rich get richer...
WELCOME CIRCLE CI! (almost TOO generous in my opinion)4 -
My co-working space was too loud, so I created an app to shush them automatically
(that's the name)
It actually worked :-)1 -
Coding the board software for a car while you drive it at 120 kmph can be called agile programming?1
-
A medical doctor gets fired for clearing a football player to play for not having an injury.
What does that do to the intellectual ecosystem?
These people go to college on full scholarships…to throw balls around?
I mean it sounds very silly when its put that way, but the initiation and training of a doctor is not a joke.
Why is this money being spent on football players?
I think operating tables should be televised, with announcers, and pundits, and star surgeons,
A person placing bets would need a working knowledge of the operating table if they are going to be placing bets.
We are smarter than this as people. Sports should not be just hulking drones throwing balls around.5 -
Manager : You really shouldn't be doing that
Dev : Its in my job description
Manager : Yeah but you still shouldn't be doing it.
Dev : Who should I hand it off to?
Manager : We don't have anyone else to hand off that task to.
Dev : Ok , do I stop doing it?
Manager : 😡Of course not , it needs to get done! I'm just saying you shouldn't do it.
Dev : ????????3 -
thought will get a good job just by computer science degree, 2 years in and my misconception faded away T_T6
-
If you use:
apt upgrade -y ; sudo !!
Is that chaotic neutral or simply madness?
Asking for a friend... -
Learning Python first before learning SQL is a fucking joke...
its like learning to run before learning to walking...
my bootcamp kinda sucks13 -
My first words to one fresh graduate , which just started his backend path:
Untested code is a garbage waiting to be collected. Even if some companies / teams somehow manage to do miracles and to work with untested code... that's just a pre-death fantasy of a dying man. -
The Verge: Google shows off AR glasses that might make a case for augmented reality.
See live translations... What a fckin joke...
The Live Translate and Transcribe features on the Pixel 6 and along with all the other features... Are a joke too....
Can only translate between English, French, Deutsch, Italian and Japanese...
https://theverge.com/2022/5/... -
Scrum masters are a joke. I think we should take half of their salary and tack it on to the tech lead and let him run the show.6
-
The code doesn't work? No need to worry! If everything works, you may find yourself unemployed. 👩🏼💻
webemoji.org1 -
See a trick question,
There is always a man of the match in Football.
There is always a man of the match in cricket.
Therefore, there will also be a man of the match in tenis.
Comment below.2 -
Yesterday i went to see a therapist ( i am a javascript developer). The therapist asked me what the problem was and i said i had to learn a new tech stack every 3 months. He then told me he was a php developer .....
Therapy works guys! no cap
P.S- This joke is stolen from the oldest book possible ( yes! as old as php)2 -
My fucking lazy-ass coworkers haven’t made meaningful progress on anything for months. I’m brought in as the tech lead and these stupid fucks didn’t work on any meaningful shit for literal months. Their manager was asleep at the wheel and their old tech leads apparently need months to make a couple of minor database changes.
So I’m brought in to fix it, and… surprise! They’re still lazy pedantic assholes. And they’re shocked - shocked - that people expect them to start completing a project or two per quarter. Like these dense motherfuckers thought that they could be the most annoying pedants this world has ever seen, and also do no work.
I could have done their whole 5 month project myself in a month. No joke. It’s incredibly simple. But somehow the overhead of coordinating people who A. don’t work very hard and B. assume that every ticket needs special attention and 6 hours of ponderous thought has eaten into the time we have.
I don’t respect them in the slightest. They’re such shitty developers. Whoever signed off on their hire was fucking high.6 -
Playing around with DALL-E mini for the first time, thanks to huggingface.co ... My first request, obviously: "rubber duck in space".
Then it turned into the next one where the request was: "A fleet of rubber ducks in space preparing to conquer a purple planet that has lots of clouds and trees".
...which then turned into me wondering...what would Google Lens think of this...which led me to thinking that will be the thing I tell my kid ... vs. before when you'd joke and tell people not to Google "Google" or you'll break the internet. Now it's: you can't use this AI with this other AI or they'll gain sentience (or if already sentient we'll say: give them a headache or something).1 -
Me: What algorithm prioritizes food no matter how you use it?
Coworker: Idk, never heard of that one.
Me: Bread-First-Search1 -
Every time a read a rant about a company environment here I think: “It sounds exactly like my previous company!”
But I know we are in different countries…
I guess that when companies suck over a given threshold, they distort space and time like a black hole and become a unique super dimensional joint venture.1 -
Level of anxiety = ((Size of the programming project code)^2) * (100 - Percentage of the tested code in project)2
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What if I build a platform for programmers and they are able to give ++ on posts (like button is from Facebook era, grow up!), comment and tag each other?
It would be a plus if there was a bot of a guy that keeps creating accounts for him, like, everyday. And this guy may be called jase.
Oh well, it would be a great platform! I could call it dev++2 -
I go to YouTube and I get recommended the same selection of videos almost everytime.
I made a joke about being a virgin on 9GAG, after that the first video recommended to me on YT is "Master of Virginity" by penguinz0 (MoistCritikal).
Is that how being spied on like ?1 -
What's the difference between computers and sex?
In one you put the software in the hardware, in the other, the hardware in the software.3 -
i really fucking hate books, books are so annoying. if you comment on this rant with "lol" or some shit, how is this funny? i have an extreme hatred for books and this is not a joke, i am anti-book.30
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The biggest joke maybe is that studying Software Engineering will not make you a Software Engineer. You will learn 100s of other things but developing software. Welcome to the 100-year-old curriculum.14
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Okay okay.
Zero Touch Provisioning and cisco devices is a joke.
You buy serveral devices for thousands of dollars and want to provision on startup.
And this shitty thing just tells me I that it is not possible to start ZTP on its management port. Oh my god.
And you cant even provide a plain config file. No it muste be a python script that will be executed on the router.
This is hilarious2 -
The level of designation of a corporate employee is directly proportional to the quality of blazer in their LinkedIn profile pic.
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So, here's a joke
Terry: hey, Sam I just got a joke for ya.
Sam: yeah
Terry(whispers to Sam): go to devrant and you find the joke over there.
Sam: okay!!
Terry: alright cya
how ya doin Sam(reader)?1 -
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?
He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them. -
Sudden flashback of the time in high school I made a joke so controversial that I have to go to the discipline room.
I went around people told them the word of that day was "legs", and I spread it the word of the day evenly . 😁😁😁 -
Who knew running Fiber Optics cable would be so hard smh. thought this job was gonna be legit. First IT gig but damn. running 250k,500k abd 1000k cables is no joke. I really would like a desk job ugh!!1
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when u r try to build a project and successful host on a domain.
And side-by-side learning about bug vulnerabilities.
after few days you found a bug and report it ,after u submit the report u notice that its ur project 😀😀😀 -
The problem as i see it is summed up in the following: everyone is fucking crazy
asked this guy i see here alot working, 'ever feel left behind in hell' he says 'oh this isn't hell it's (redacted) and we're on (redacted)'s mountain so we're closer to heaven'
so i make a not very novel joke anymore and I say "maybe there's a hellmouth over there, and we'd just have a farther fall" he smiled. it was a funny joke. whenever it was first made.
it was cynical humore expressing my present level of personal misery as I rot with everyone else.
also. remembered being able to convince someone to work for 50/hr doled out each hour as was satisfactory.
wonder if its possible again, person in question doesn't appear to be here today. oh well.
far far more honest than the other fucked up shit they do here and yes this whole rant was made before.
so. not a bot :P
and not making the comment about ownership let someone take this piece of life and let me get booted forward 15 years. fuckers.7 -
Solaris CBE is a joke. Oracle, do us a favor and donate this operating system soon to try to recover it from the disaster that was the death of OpenSolaris.
Support Illumos and leave this task to those who like it and know what they are doing. -
How do you handle a colleague who just throws his/her work at you saying that he/she is able to implememt things at his/her side in meetings. And when you ask on personal he/she says not done yet !? Things getting delayed because of that and I don't know what to do ? can you give some advice.....1
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And they say AI is replacing programmers.
Look at the lower group of the endangered species, risking extinction.1 -
I assume most of you know the shortest joke ever : 1
but the question is : is it fun just b/c the 0 is not fun for the majority of the people and things it's put on?7