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No-code platforms always like to forget that writing the code is *literally* the easiest part of software development 🙄14
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I left a company once. Was there with one colleague and we had this kind of code review habit that we looked at each other changes befor merging them to the deploy branch. On my last day I made a dancing cat dance in front of our app as a tiny joke for him. He instead of reviewing just pulled this time and deployed the new version on the companies dev server without a look. So the fist time the cat showed up was appareantly in the first meeting after I left and everyone went completely crazy because they thought they got hacked.
I think they never found the hidden rock roll in the app.4 -
this image is fully authentic image of me as a single developer in a startup. All the used technologies in a single project.
13 -
I downloaded the Visual Studio Installer.
It actually turned out to be the Visual Studio Installer Installer.6 -
Hide yo' wives and yo' onanism, the haxors are cumin... i mean, coming for you!
Found on Reddit :D
10 -
Let's see here, we have:
🤡 Creepy Cackle Guy: watches videos all day and cackles like a hyena, plus constantly farts, and complains a lot. He gets everyone gassed up, no pun intended.
😤Bitchy PM: argues with you about every little thing, lies to pad her metrics while screwing the dev's metrics over. Also lies about what clients say to force launch or what she feels client should do. Rude to clients & co-workers. Runs and tattles to higher ups when people call her out on her shit. Nobody can stand her, she get's the entire office upset.
🙉Darth Vader: I don't think this one needs explaining. He breathes SO freaking loud you can hear it across the room. He also won't talk to anybody. Ever.
🤐The Non-Stop Flapper: nice person, but chats you non stop about their mundane life events, even when your status is set to busy or they know you're swamped. Asks irrelevant questions all day, every day. Heart of gold but needs to reel in the chatting.
🤬 Mr.Rage: whines about EVERYTHING. I mean everything. Has also thrown his food on me once over a joke about pizza. Wants to move up to programming but cant program.
---
So between them all, I scream on the inside daily. 🙊😫😢13 -
*attempting to flirt at the bar*
Hey! I'm a full stack developer, so I can do your frontend and your backend10 -
Today I quit my job lol.
In my two previous stories I told you guys about a job offering I got, and after a few more incidents in my old job, I decided I take it.
No, this is not an april fools joke, though it felt quite bad to tell my team lead that I quit on april fools day.
Due to notice period I'll begin my new work at first of july this year, can't wait <33 -
What an absolute fucking disaster of a day. Strap in, folks; it's time for a bumpy ride!
I got a whole hour of work done today. The first hour of my morning because I went to work a bit early. Then people started complaining about Jenkins jobs failing on that one Jenkins server our team has been wanting to decom for two years but management won't let us force people to move to new servers. It's a single server with over four thousand projects, some of which run massive data processing jobs that last DAYS. The server was originally set up by people who have since quit, of course, and left it behind for my team to adopt with zero documentation.
Anyway, the 500GB disk is 100% full. The memory (all 64GB of it) is fully consumed by stuck jobs. We can't track down large old files to delete because du chokes on the workspace folder with thousands of subfolders with no Ram to spare. We decide to basically take a hacksaw to it, deleting the workspace for every job not currently in progress. This of course fucked up some really poorly-designed pipelines that relied on workspaces persisting between jobs, so we had to deal with complaints about that as well.
So we get the Jenkins server up and running again just in time for AWS to have a major incident affecting EC2 instance provisioning in our primary region. People keep bugging me to fix it, I keep telling them that it's Amazon's problem to solve, they wait a few minutes and ask me to fix it again. Emails flying back and forth until that was done.
Lunch time already. But the fun isn't over yet!
I get back to my desk to find out that new hires or people who got new Mac laptops recently can't even install our toolchain, because management has started handing out M1 Macs without telling us and all our tools are compiled solely for x86_64. That took some troubleshooting to even figure out what the problem was because the only error people got from homebrew was that the formula was empty when it clearly wasn't.
After figuring out that problem (but not fully solving it yet), one team starts complaining to us about a Github problem because we manage the github org. Except it's not a github problem and I already knew this because they are a Problem Team that uses some technical authoring software with Git integration but they only have even the barest understanding of what Git actually does. Turns out it's a Git problem. An update for Git was pushed out recently that patches a big bad vulnerability and the way it was patched causes problems because they're using Git wrong (multiple users accessing the same local repo on a samba share). It's a huge vulnerability so my entire conversation with them went sort of like:
"Please don't."
"We have to."
"Fine, here's a workaround, this will allow arbitrary code execution by anyone with physical or virtual access to this computer that you have sitting in an unlocked office somewhere."
"How do I run a Git command I don't use Git."
So that dealt with, I start taking a look at our toolchain, trying to figure out if I can easily just cross-compile it to arm64 for the M1 macbooks or if it will be a more involved fix. And I find all kinds of horrendous shit left behind by the people who wrote the tools that, naturally, they left for us to adopt when they quit over a year ago. I'm talking entire functions in a tool used by hundreds of people that were put in as a joke, poorly documented functions I am still trying to puzzle out, and exactly zero comments in the code and abbreviated function names like "gars", "snh", and "jgajawwawstai".
While I'm looking into that, the person from our team who is responsible for incident communication finally gets the AWS EC2 provisioning issue reported to IT Operations, who sent out an alert to affected users that should have gone out hours earlier.
Meanwhile, according to the health dashboard in AWS, the issue had already been resolved three hours before the communication went out and the ticket remains open at this moment, as far as I know.5 -
fuck me X'D Complained to nowtv that their player wasn't working because apparently it finds 'screen sharing' software running on my mac. This was their response
21 -
I knew this guy was pure evil.
Deployment on friday night !
And that too before Christmas.
Thank god Santa doesnt use Tesla
5 -
Definitly !rant; btw long post ahead
Soooo not so long ago i joined this community by chance just cuz i installed some app randomly found on google store and what can i say. Best decision ever!
I can say i never met such an interesting and diverse communitiy ever and i kin of ground fond of it (i usually dont get too attached to peoples).
After a while i felt the urge to get myself involved into some disscusion at some random post and i did it. But it felt empty as my image was just a plain green bubble of anonymity. But yeh, i am cool with it, i will customize it after some ++es. No problem!
I got incremented for a while and i got to make a simple generic avatar. I felt again a urge, but this time to customize even more. Sadly, anything cool needs approval by the people. Soo i kind of let it go as i am not really the kind to find myself talking in other businesses and i moved over.
Until i saw it! Not the tiger, not the bird but the dog! Annnd i wanted it so i made a joke that i am a wizard with an invisible dog. What can go wrong, right? Well the thing is.. it did not go wrong, as expected, but it went great, kinda unexpected.
How? Well, some random stranger felt me and gave me a hunble chance to get closer to my dreamy real dog. And so it begin, my crusade to get that damn dog!
But what i have realised fast is .. this is not facebook! Nor Instagram! People doesnot upvote attention whoreing or such lowly acts, but they are actually prone to support people who just.. get involved.
And so i did. I got involved. I actually got involved in a community! For a awkwardly introvert person that's something, but maybe more than few of you people can relate to this.
And today i finally reached that goal! I have a real doggo! Well, real as in not invisible, not as in a great responsability, but now i have both. But this was not such a big deal. The big deal is that i found people whos interests are alike to mine and are prone to help, support and befriend others. I must say, thanks to all! Wonderful time, and while i am not here for a long time, i will surely be!
Cheers and dev on!
17 -
"Dad, our fence is down again"
"Dammit us-west-2"
"Sorry sir, we cant install your new furniture until Spectrum turns on your wifi"
"Warning: you have violated twitter's safety rules - we will be unscrewing your bed frame now"
When will they learn
5 -
Remember to regularly defragment your drives on linux. use this handy command.
dd if=/dev/zero of=/dev/sdX bs=1M
Terminology:
dd: Disk defragment
if: input file (the pattern to search for, and should always be /dev/zero)
of: output file (your disk, /dev/sda for instance)
bs: blocsize 1M is fine here17 -
My dev colleagues, the ceo, a external designer and me (dev) are sitting in the meeting room
and we discuss the result from the designer. He designed a complete relaunch of a
small CRM for the logistics sector.
The designer is a designer as you know him, big beart, small macbook, chai late
and he designed nothing, he hired a freelancer from romania.
My boss studied software development in the 80s but didn't really developed a software
for about 20 years, but he thinks he knows all and everything.
My boss is constantly complaining about the colors in the design and he would like
a iOS approach. Our system should complete copy the styles from iOS.
The really funny thing happend in just 1 minute. My boss is complaining again about the
colors and told the blue color is way to dark and the designer meant thats not possible the
blue color very bright. My boss sat next to the designer and looked not on the wall where
the picture was thrown from a projector, instead he looks from the side in the macbook screen
of the macbook which was in front of the designer. Then the designer says "Oh my god, the color
changes if I look from the side or from the top of the macbook." The Designer was blown away. My
boss couldn't believe it and did the same movements with his head and said. "Wow, you are right
the color changes".
We all other people couldn't believe that they are so dumb and thought this must be a joke. But
that wasn't a joke. After the meetin my boss told everyone in our company his results regarding the screen.
I wrote every story in a document, and I'm planning to create a book with dumb shit like this.2 -
This may or may not be an old meme but this is the first time i ever saw it and all i can say is
THANK YOU to the original creator, whoever he or she might be!
I had this insecurity for a long time as i always portrayed myself as more of a thinker than coder. I have to go over everythibg before i got to write even one single line of code, and for this reason i tought i might not be made out to be a programmer after all :s
It's truly reassuring to hear that your short comings are actually quite normal 😥
Sorry for the long post on a joke tagged post 😁
5 -
When you ask a short question(in Slack) to your teammate that can be simply answered in Slack and they start a video call immediately after reading your question...
Now you have to stop music/video, clean the background...
1 -
LinkedIn posts be like:
"Have a #challenging #look at my #innovative #carrer_moment! I did #something at my #new_company!
Look at this #picture of my #awesome #new_workplace! I am #glad of being here at #company!"
(#opentowork, #looking_for_opportunities, #recruiters_welcome)3 -
I want to get this fake axe: https://amazon.com/Realistic-woodcu...
I want to hang on my wall at work and label it:
"merge conflict resolution tool".
Is that too violent for a joke?
9 -
So for my programming class, we had to make a game using Scratch. No problem, I said. Scratch is easy stuff. Just drag and drop blocks. Like legos. Legos that actually do shit. Cool.
So my game is about a dog underneath a plinko set, dodging balls that come down the plinko thing. Easy enough. I figured I would spice things up a bit. My teacher has to go through 20 of these games, I figured I'd make mine interesting. I add a little heart system.
Now for those of you who don't know Scratch, or don't care enough to look it up, all of Scratch's codes are within the sprite themselves. They can communicate with other sprites with a thing called broadcasting. When other sprites receive a broadcast, it can activate a script. yeah, cool.
So I had a script on the dog, that broadcasts a message to the heart system to remove a heart when the dog is hit. So to keep things short, I call the broadcast "Dog's hit."
For anyone who knows programming, computers have no clue what an apostrophe or a space is. They can't read it unless you have it all letters, maybe a semicolon. So, I removed the space and apostrophe, with my innocent 17 year-old mind not realizing this makes it "Dogshit."
Game's finished. Finally. Due date comes in, I submit it all proud and everything. I just created the best dog-plinko simulator of all time. Later that day, I show it to my friend, who then points out the typo.
At this point, my teacher already graded it. I went down to see him after school, and he must've known why I went down as soon as I walked in the door, and just cracked up. He told me it was fine, and not to do it again.
I left red.
4 -
I met a programmer in an online dating app some months ago. She worked with golang, and things were going nicely with us talking a bit.
Then I mentioned that I currently work with Typescript and NodeJS and she stopped responding 😞
Should have posted this as story, since this is not actually a joke.12 -
This is just straight up a joke. Head of data science has had us implementing something based on a paper.
I raised some "concerns" about it a while ago. Found out today they'd not even read the paper. We're pretty sure what we've been asked to work on doesn't solve the problem it's meant to solve...3 -
Apparently the creation of Windows ME is the result of the Ballmer Peak, a very specific bood alcohol amount in their developers body.
https://xkcd.com/323/
4 -
When I was in school, I had a period called "computers" every week. We were told by our computer teacher to remove our shoes outside the computer lab to prevent viruses from entering the computers.10
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I have been working for my current employer about 3 years now. When I first got to work I was asked by another employee to work on an editor for certain types of files. We will call this employee Ed. Because his name is Ed.
Ed is a verifiable genius, and a genuinely great guy to work with. He is amazing with hardware and math. Ed has a need, or shall I say fetish. He wants an editor for some our proprietary files called "Settings files". They are just xml. Nothing special.
However, I have always had other priorities. We actually had a tense moment when I had to tell Ed my boss doesn't want me to work on the editor. I had started looking into working on the editor when my boss said stop working on this file. So since then it had become a running joke between Ed and myself. Well, I think it is funny, Ed smiles, but I know he wants this editor bad. Our boss even suggested at one time that Ed write this editor. He looked into it, but "other priorities" trumped this effort.
Okay, so now it has been 3 years and we still don't have this editor. Then I had an epiphany. Since Ed wants this editor I found an idea for the name of this program. "Settings Editor" is just too mundane. I now think it should be called: "Mr. Edit". I also found that the library we use for most of our development has text to speech built in. So when the program starts I can have it say: "Hello, I am Mr. Edit, the talking Settings Editor". I have never wanted to write this program so badly before. Muahahahahaha!6 -
Making an ssh connection:
No....
No this one.
Not that one.
Not that one, either.
*starts typing*
*Typo 1*
*Typo 2*
Yay. Connected to server.
... Okay. Wrong environment.
*Exiting*
*trying again*
*Typo 1*
*Typo 2*
*finally connected*
Okay. I'm here...
Why did I connect to this machine again?!
------
Migrations are fun. Your bash history is an obsessive lier, your brain completely fried and when you finally managed to achieve something... You either forget what it was - or even worse - you get reminded of all the stuff you still have to do.
I'm literally amazed that I currently manage to go to the toilet, don't forget to make coffee and eat stuff at least once a day.
Before anyone thinks... Haha joke.
Nope I'm dead serious.
I am amazed that I didn't forget to go to the toilet, aka sitting in my own piss and wonder why it's so warm and wet down there.
I'm glad that the migration is going to end soon, otherwise I might opt in out of paranoia for adult diapers.
*My brain is really fried*5 -
DevRanter: *shares some inconvinience at work*
Other Ranters: Dude, Quit your job. Sell your house. Get a divorce ASAP. Give your kids up. Fly to another country. Disappear from everybody's lives. Start a new life. Change your identity.
#lol5 -
Hey here we go:)
My first comic series - “DevStory”
A story of two devs aiming at changing the world’s impact about cryptos by their own token project.
Bugs, cheap scammers, money, flying unicorns and a lot of laughs!
(Episode 1)
26 -
Probably the most Russian programming language is Python.
Why, I hear you ask?
because every Python app's file is signed with a Russian national suffix... .ru
P.S. that came to my attention just today. After all those years...9 -
I can’t remember shit
My code editor helps me a ton!!
I have most documentation offline.
Ask me to do shit in a job interview without Google or any reference material then the joke is on 🤡2 -
sprint started two weeks ago, it's due today.
yesterday, most tasks for the sprint were done, but was still waiting that whole two weeks for updates on two new tickets, guess they'll be in the next sprint...
project leaders yesterday: oh here are those updates for the sprint! (not to mention the meeting was at 5 PM yesterday, not even the BEGINNING of the work day)
project leaders today: what's the status of the sprint?!
...it's a joke, right? do you think I'm a fucking magician?
its always the same no matter where you go, slowly starting to realize...
tl;dr; adding new feature requests the day before a sprint ends and then having the nerve of asking the "status" of the sprint the following day.2 -
I just saw Kickstarter's blog post about moving over to the Blockchain. They're doing it because, uh, protocols, or something. No joke, here's a direct quote from their post:
"You may have heard of HTTP (Hypertext Transfer Protocol) which helps you browse the web, or SMTP (Simple Mail Transfer Protocol) which helps you send email. Protocols like these make up the unseen infrastructure of the internet. Imagine that, but for crowdfunding creative projects."
What the fuck does that even mean? The rest of the blog post is more of the same. They packed it full of every crypto buzzword they could find while also not actually providing any useful information.
Full article here, if anyone wants to read a headache-inducing pile of nonsense: https://kickstarter.com/articles/...12 -
A few days ago, a guy sent me a message on Fiverr asking me to create a website.
The good joke is that they are two engineering students who want me to do their programming exercise.
The nerve.2 -
How can I make my manager understand that performance should not be measured by how many tickets we have resolved?
If the ticket is an easy one then sure 1-2 days is enough, but for some complicated shit or dealing with models that I have never touched before, I am gonna need several days just to understand the requirement.
For some fucked up reason, our story point is in hours, instead of days. So when we say 24 hours, then it's only 3 days.
Another fucked up reason is that my colleagues doesn't seem to mind. I am the most vocal one objecting when got assigned too many tickets. They just joke around and seem to accept it.
FYI, I am just 6 months in and bouncing between 3 projects.
Am I just too lazy or slow?
In my previous company, the devs seemed to be pretty chill, and the project manager only complained when an issue has been dragging on for weeks.5 -
“We mob every thing so that means we don’t need pull requests, because by the time the code is committed it’s had plenty of pairs of eyes on it”
Well, I beg to differ.
Today I read through some of this spaghetti mobbed code to look into a performance issue. Wasn’t supposed to but bored stiff so I ‘went dark’ and did it without the mob.
After about an hour I figured out it runs a few lines of dubious code and if there’s an error it tries many times over with an exponential back off.
And each run of the methods will fail for sure because of how it’s written.
Someone must’ve seen this problem but instead of realising it can never work, they’ve wrapped it in retries and back offs.
So many back offs and retries that it just sits there doing this for 25 minutes.
But yeah. The mobbing works great guys, keep churning out this quality code. 😂😂😂
Can’t wait to see the back of this joke job.4 -
seriously. every time i use git i feel like it's playing tricks on me and changing shit around or how something worked. like ill make a new branch and it just magically told me im 17 commits ahead of master even though...i ... made ... one?
9 -
Funny how everything that seems like an almost general truth about the computer users is conditioned only but the phrase "..excepting Linux users" 🤔
No one randomly recommands operating systems ... excepting Linux users!
No one needs to know how to do <complicated hilly-billy technology> in order to use <generic simple software>!
It seems that we (the Linux users) are all rebels without a cause😅2 -
Not bad vs 2022. Not bad !
I wanted to write that (really, not a joke).
Sometimes, auto complete just works.
-
Something tells me those fucks at the coop won't pay me on time. Last time I called I got this woman telling me how I can'T ImprOviSe FreElAnce ProJecT, and that I had to go back to belgium so she could explain to me how to register my contract.
I said I was in a different country. She didn't care. Apparently those stupid c*** still live in the 2nd millenium when everything had to be done using paper.
I worked in 5 different country so far. It was always painless, administratively speaking. Here I'm broke, I'm supposed to make more money in a week than my parents in a month but I'm about to go live in the wood. Joke of a country.11 -
This is not joke but fact
More than a year ago I write code without tests, I must confess its frustrating trying to debug without proper testing. testing is painful I must admit but you can't compare the confident you have on your code with the pains when writing tests.
About a year ago I wrote a whole software without tests and this words from a friend hunted me everyday till date he said, what cannot be tested cannot be trusted. Wise words.7 -
Sartre once said "Hell is other people" .
Obviously he did not use public transportation very often.1 -
Would you like to talk about our god and saviour TDD?
P.S. I like test driven development very much. It makes complex stuff really easy.
4 -
So, I've seen a github repo whose owner puts all of his code in an unformatted README.md file, no further files. I'm not sure if I should be concerned for them or scared.1
-
Welcome to Whose Sprint Is It Anyway, where the estimates are made up and the story points don’t matter!1
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I just hate it when complex stuff is marketed as easy. Flutter is one example. It so easy, just pull in the widgets. You don't need keys for each widget, so no need to mention them in the first 200 pages. Then you just have to dig up a video from the laughing and joking flutter team. "You don't need keys", except for in pretty much any real use. So this shit turns up even in the most basic real example:
const Shit({ Key key }) : super(key: key);
You don't need keys hardly ever, except in practice you do. But this is for Flutter internals and it does not look or sound easy, so let's hide it.
No! Don't laugh and joke and say it's easy. Be honest. It's complex shit and to learn it you need the true story not marketing.1 -
past time: Making jokes on programmer humor forums about the jokes being told on the humor forum.
fall out: Autists who don't get the joke of the joke and genuinely think they need to explain the original joke even though it is "obvious" it was a play on words.
struggle: Resisting explaining to them the joke on the joke. And if I break down and explain, trying not to be a condescending prick. Most of the time I don't respond.
3 -
I love how stupid idiotic shit companies think their bullshit email spam abuse works. Hell no fuck off blind monkey fuckers. You sick fucks makes me sick. The only thing i hate more than normal company spam is when your shitty company (in this case Sound cloud) begs for money. Just because a meme of a platform like that that was only used by people to find leaked songs got bought by some shitty investment company. You will have to be the biggest idiot that has never existed to buy "premium" on a clear ineferrior platform that is clearly a joke compeared to serious music platforms.
But hey thank you for remining me to remove my accounts you begging rats. Hope nobody is dumb enough to support your shitty platform.
8 -
I accidentally forgot to stop my EC2 instance.....
No joke, I have had to use all of my money that I made through freelancing(20 bucks)10 -
Recruiter bot just emailed me with some offers, let's take a look...
"Hand-on Experience with SQL and NO-SQL Databases preferably Redux"
Whew! I was worried for a second, thank god they are using a Redux database and not one of those really crappy React databases! I'll really consider applying now.
smh2 -
If the christian god exists, then I'll go to hell because of my sexual orientation. Little do they know, as I wake up there, I'll make two steps back to pick up a chainsaw. It's there and I know it.
Dear god, watch out. Your days are numbered. I'll make Nietzsche "god is dead" stuff look like a fucking joke.
I'm coming for you.12 -
def joke (punchline):
if punchline.funny == True:
return “haha”
else:
return joke (about_recursion)
4 -
Jonas: *obliterates that ++ button”
Drake: Kiki am I a joke to you?
Everybody asks where’s Kiki but nobody asks how’s Kiki.
8 -
Maybe this is naive, but I feel if an application/feature is strategically important to a company, at least two developers should always be assigned to support it routinely. This great resignation is no joke, and I’m getting tired of being the last man standing here. I’m too old for this shit.8
-
Why are we even using JIRA?
It's clear from the behavior of the rest of my team that nobody ever has it open, looks at it, or thinks about any tasks that would improve the product other than sputtering out the occasional "mArKeTiNg HyPe" with incomplete horrible tickets that are at best barely decipherable.
Honestly, we can save the $50 a month and I'll just use my own personal trello board, the outcome would be the same.
I mean my life is a joke: we had to have a near hour-long google hangouts for literally dragging and dropping the 'demo/review' tickets to 'done' because my colleagues are so incompetent they can't read the tickets and realize which tickets HAVE LITERALLY ALREADY BEEN SHIPPED TO PRODUCTION WEEKS AGO.9 -
Google carefully naming their language CARBON so that wherever I search it have search CARBON LANGUAGE! :/14
-
Dum acts, Every hacker scene in movies screen contains htop and cmatrix, even sometimes 'sudo apt update && upgrade ' is enough .
3 -
At this point, I feel so far from tech and programming so nothing is exciting anymore, although, I'm working as a "software engineer".
Every job feels deadend and requires nothing but absolute mundane skills. I mean "make the text bigger"-joke does not come out of thin air. No science, engineering, and little-to-no standards are involved in most jobs.
This leads us to this: you can get excited about rust, fp, extra dazzling clean code, uncle Bob's sect of salvation coders or whatever but you'll be hit with reality so don't get your hopes up.1 -
I was sad this morning, because my thesis supervisor being an asshole that I seriously considering to just drop out..
Then I checked my bank statement and salary of 2 months has been deposited today.
Who needs that fucking degree when I earn more than you?
Who's the joke now?! 🤜🤡🤡
I am going to give them a middle finger tomorrow.😉6 -
time to go for full snack development
https://youtu.be/h8fh9R4401g
https://youtu.be/y4w5E8W2f0M
started some open source project for discord bot that provides info for some free game users, through scrapping forum and requesting apis
This is kind of going to be a major refactorized second version, that considers all mistakes of a first version. And going to be much more scalable and easy to maintain.
6 -
C/C++ - complex, very fast, used for OS dev
Java - Comparatively easy, fast, used app dev
Python - very easy, comparitively slow, used for app dev
Then there is this boy
Rust - Just fucks you up10 -
<"Perfect is enemy of good"
>"Excellent! I keep my enemies very close"
I do believe it possible that one can find at least one perfect counter to every stupid folk saying that startup-for-brains suit bags love to parrot.
2)
<"We must fail fast"
>"I already did it!"
3)
<"We must have a long tail of offerings"
>"Can we offer focus on our core strengths?"
-3)
<"We must focus on our core strengths"
>"Isn't our core strength 'having a long tail of offerings'?"
4)
<"We must use agile methods"
>"An agile habit does not make an agile monk."
5)
<"We must be flexible and adapt"
>"Is it a law or more of a rule of thumb?"
6)
<"We must avoid bureaucracy"
>"Can I have that in writing?"3 -
Built a pretty slick chat bot for my company’s conferences that used Google’s Dialogflow for natural language processing and conversation state
It worked from a web chat or SMS. Allowed manual responding by agents as well as the chat bot. Pulled dynamic answers through a 3rd party API integration
Most common questions “what is the wifi password” and “tell me a joke”
Project was killed after 2 conferences - thankfully it only took me a few weeks to build4 -
Coding the board software for a car while you drive it at 120 kmph can be called agile programming?1
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Me: What algorithm prioritizes food no matter how you use it?
Coworker: Idk, never heard of that one.
Me: Bread-First-Search1 -
My co-working space was too loud, so I created an app to shush them automatically
(that's the name)
It actually worked :-)
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My first words to one fresh graduate , which just started his backend path:
Untested code is a garbage waiting to be collected. Even if some companies / teams somehow manage to do miracles and to work with untested code... that's just a pre-death fantasy of a dying man. -
Documentation is like drugs.
When it's good you'll keep going back for it. When it's not, you'd rather get it at the source. 🧟
Spin-off of another rant.3 -
See a trick question,
There is always a man of the match in Football.
There is always a man of the match in cricket.
Therefore, there will also be a man of the match in tenis.
Comment below.2 -
Scrum masters are a joke. I think we should take half of their salary and tack it on to the tech lead and let him run the show.6
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The code doesn't work? No need to worry! If everything works, you may find yourself unemployed. 👩🏼💻
webemoji.org1 -
The Verge: Google shows off AR glasses that might make a case for augmented reality.
See live translations... What a fckin joke...
The Live Translate and Transcribe features on the Pixel 6 and along with all the other features... Are a joke too....
Can only translate between English, French, Deutsch, Italian and Japanese...
https://theverge.com/2022/5/... -
Every time a read a rant about a company environment here I think: “It sounds exactly like my previous company!”
But I know we are in different countries…
I guess that when companies suck over a given threshold, they distort space and time like a black hole and become a unique super dimensional joint venture.1 -
Playing around with DALL-E mini for the first time, thanks to huggingface.co ... My first request, obviously: "rubber duck in space".
Then it turned into the next one where the request was: "A fleet of rubber ducks in space preparing to conquer a purple planet that has lots of clouds and trees".
...which then turned into me wondering...what would Google Lens think of this...which led me to thinking that will be the thing I tell my kid ... vs. before when you'd joke and tell people not to Google "Google" or you'll break the internet. Now it's: you can't use this AI with this other AI or they'll gain sentience (or if already sentient we'll say: give them a headache or something).
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Level of anxiety = ((Size of the programming project code)^2) * (100 - Percentage of the tested code in project)2
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What's the difference between computers and sex?
In one you put the software in the hardware, in the other, the hardware in the software.3 -
What if I build a platform for programmers and they are able to give ++ on posts (like button is from Facebook era, grow up!), comment and tag each other?
It would be a plus if there was a bot of a guy that keeps creating accounts for him, like, everyday. And this guy may be called jase.
Oh well, it would be a great platform! I could call it dev++2 -
i really fucking hate books, books are so annoying. if you comment on this rant with "lol" or some shit, how is this funny? i have an extreme hatred for books and this is not a joke, i am anti-book.30
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Okay okay.
Zero Touch Provisioning and cisco devices is a joke.
You buy serveral devices for thousands of dollars and want to provision on startup.
And this shitty thing just tells me I that it is not possible to start ZTP on its management port. Oh my god.
And you cant even provide a plain config file. No it muste be a python script that will be executed on the router.
This is hilarious2 -
The problem as i see it is summed up in the following: everyone is fucking crazy
asked this guy i see here alot working, 'ever feel left behind in hell' he says 'oh this isn't hell it's (redacted) and we're on (redacted)'s mountain so we're closer to heaven'
so i make a not very novel joke anymore and I say "maybe there's a hellmouth over there, and we'd just have a farther fall" he smiled. it was a funny joke. whenever it was first made.
it was cynical humore expressing my present level of personal misery as I rot with everyone else.
also. remembered being able to convince someone to work for 50/hr doled out each hour as was satisfactory.
wonder if its possible again, person in question doesn't appear to be here today. oh well.
far far more honest than the other fucked up shit they do here and yes this whole rant was made before.
so. not a bot :P
and not making the comment about ownership let someone take this piece of life and let me get booted forward 15 years. fuckers.7 -
So, here's a joke
Terry: hey, Sam I just got a joke for ya.
Sam: yeah
Terry(whispers to Sam): go to devrant and you find the joke over there.
Sam: okay!!
Terry: alright cya
how ya doin Sam(reader)?1 -
How do you handle a colleague who just throws his/her work at you saying that he/she is able to implememt things at his/her side in meetings. And when you ask on personal he/she says not done yet !? Things getting delayed because of that and I don't know what to do ? can you give some advice.....1
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