Anyone got any ideas on dealing with crippling depression, loneliness, a potential breakup, and managing a startup alomg side it?

  • 6
    That sounds a lot on one plate.

    You could pre-empt the breakup and do it now yourself.

    Though that tends to make the other person hostile..

    Ideally you want them to break up, so they think its their idea, and then they won't hassle you so much.

    At least, until you are rich..

    Difficult one.
  • 3
    Talking has helped me with bipolar and anxiety.
  • 6
    About 1.5 years ago, I had a breakdown and attempted suicide. I was admitted to the hospital. My whole life feel apart. My gf left me while I was in the hospital. I lost my house, dog, car, and business.

    My advice is don't! It sounds like too much.
  • 2
    @inkt thats true, i got pulled to MHC for cutting wayy too much - spent there the Christmas and headed home ; shocked and ofc sad.
  • 3
    Should ve also added the part where i m on a train rn 1000kn from home, going to a big ass event to represent my startup lol
  • 4
    @Koutsie who do i talk to? I ve lost all my close and good friends, i dont want to worry my family, there is no one else. Too poor for any therapy thing. Tried an online therapy they told me i was too depressed for that. Was clinically depressed for 7 years, since the age of 13, then my gf came and all was okay until a few months back when i started going down this rabbit hole again @Nanos i dont have the courage, the feeling of being completely alone is what takes that away.
    @inkt dont have the courage for that either. I do hurt myself sometimes to lessen the pain or take some kind of anti depressants... i m just trying my best to hold on and keep myself together while i can clearly see it all breaking away....
  • 4
    Had something similar (but except a startup, i had to manage a big-ish company), just... trying to kill yourself weekly and taking meds with alcohol doesnt help, do something else.
  • 4
    @BindView are you suggesting i get high? xD
  • 4
    ...honestly tho, maybe, is it legal there?
  • 4
    @someDude well talk to strangers - im here and you can dm me in discord or twitter anytime you need me
  • 3
    > I had a breakdown

    I remember one of those too !

    Just after a failed business attempt, I'd put everything into it and it just didn't work out.

    Now, I slice my time so I've several irons in the fire, if one doesn't work out, oh well, never mind, it isn't so emotionally draining having a small failure.

    Also now, I try not to take on too much at once.
  • 2
    > i dont have the courage,

    I can appreciate that.

    Perhaps you can at least prepare for that to happen to you, then if it doesn't, great.

    If it does, then you are at least more prepared for when it.

    Main thing to watch for is significant others tend to run off with the family silver, so you want to limit what they can take with them, or have access to.

    You also want to be nauseating nice to them, in case they cause you even more stress.
  • 3
    > Too poor for any therapy thing.

    You could try negotiating with a therapist, I got a special rate 95% cheaper than normal as I was an interesting case !

    But I found online is just as good, and of course, cheaper still.
  • 3
    > i m just trying my best to hold on

    Perhaps extra help would help, getting more partners in, spreading the load.

    Or just selling out early, before you break.

    I found out the hard way, even superhero's have a breaking point.

    I also found out, there are physical limits as well, you can't keep pushing yourself endlessly or things actually do snap !

    Sometimes you need to take a step back, wait, heal, then try again.

    Paying for company can help, if you can afford it, else artificial company can help there too I hear.

    Perhaps one of the biggest things I find helps, is friends, even if they are thousands of miles away and on the end of the internet.

    People to talk with, to brainstorm, to just point out how shit everything is right now.

    Sometimes, someone will come up with just a little idea that helps a bit, and takes the edge off.

    I'd avoid drugs, alcohol, even too much chocolate. :-)

    Fruit is good, and nuts.
  • 2
    At the risk of starting a mini war.. you could try Jesus. I know it might sound strange but I find it comforting believing this all has a point/goal.
  • 1
    @BindView nope. But i know a few people who could hook me up xD
  • 2

    I'm not religious myself, but I can see how that could help.

    I solved my problem in a similar manner, except I thought, why not start my own religion. :-)

    You know, my name is modelled after Jesus, as its got two sillybells, so I thought, maybe that is good for a name, after all, Hitler has two as well. :-)
  • 2
    > starting a mini war..

    I tend to think here, we are just problem solvers, no matter the other aspects of ourselves.

    We live to solve things. :-)
  • 3
    @Nanos its not the startup that s draining me out. I ve had 7 failed attempts before. This one is better than all. Managed to raise seed investment and some good partnerships etc focusing on scaling and expanding... startup is progressing, it's my personal life fucking me over...
  • 2
    @Nanos it does happen to me. I m ashamed to admit but i have planned on how to go out and for good, pracefully. But there s just one tiny small part of me that believes there s still some hope or it may get better likr it did the last time.....
  • 3
    @Nanos i doubt i d get anything loke that. Mental health is not taken seriously at all in my society. Like it's waayy too much worse than most parts of the world. And any therapy, its gonna cost me in the thousands at the very least
  • 3
    @Nanos artifical company? You mean like... AI sorta thing? e.e

    Having friends like these, sitting thousands of miles away, is how i used to manage myself before.
    And yeah, you re right. I ve learned that too... That we have limits. The hard way.....
  • 2
    @jamesharrington well not Jesus exactly, but trying my own religion. That helps...
  • 2
    @Koutsie dont you think that d be like a burden. I mean me being one for you or something
  • 0
    @someDude meh just hmu im here!
  • 1
    Inject 12 marijuanas
  • 2
    > You mean like... AI sorta thing? e.e

    Think more physical needs, less mental..
  • 2
    > believes there s still some hope
    > or it may get better likr it did the
    > last time.....

    You might get lucky like last time.

    But you do have choices.

    You could jack it all in, and go and be a monk !

    You can just stop whatever it is that is stressing you out, and go do something else.

    Move a thousand miles away, change your name, start a new life.

    You can always try again another day, more prepared.

    I think one of the biggest lessons I learned in life, is to know when to quit at something and just stick it in the bin and start afresh.

    As a problem solver, I kept thinking, I can fix this..

    Until eventually, I couldn't.

    Now, if only I'd left the situation earlier !

    They say hindsight is 20/20..

    But what to leave behind, and what to work on..

    There is more than just binary options.
  • 2
    > it's my personal life fucking me over...

    Oh well, in that case, I'd suggest pulling the plug on that, getting out as soon as possible and severing all ties to make the healing process go quicker.

    That might require moving far enough away the other person can't cause you grief !

    Done that before, best thing I ever did !

    Remember, people are replaceable. :-)

    And you can buy friends these days I hear !
  • 2
    > it's my personal life fucking me over...

    Oh well, in that case, I'd suggest pulling the plug on that, getting out as soon as possible and severing all ties to make the healing process go quicker.

    That might require moving far enough away the other person can't cause you grief !

    Done that before, best thing I ever did !

    Remember, people are replaceable. :-)

    And you can buy friends these days I hear !
  • 2
    > any therapy, its gonna cost me in
    > the thousands at the very least

    This place does telephone therapy, I think its around $100 an hour or less, can recommend:


    Maybe just one might be enough to give you some guidance.
  • 2
    I know you said you lack courage.

    But I look at things like this:

    Most of the time, we just follow our instincts, our genetic programming, and we aren't really in control of our own lives, we just go along for the ride and think we are making our own decisions.

    To me, it sounds like you are doing what mother nature expects of you, rather than what you want to do.

    When we go against our programming, we can feel very alone, as if we are separate from reality, because in a way we are.

    When you break those chains, and don't keep putting them on every morning, you can begin to take control of your life.

    I know, the courage thing..

    But if you decide to leave the world, it isn't you going to be deciding that, its your programming telling you that you failed, and should leave the gene pool.

    Don't listen to that voice !

    You've had failures before and stay the road, so you appear to have a strong developing character.

    This is perhaps the last chain to throw off and be free.
  • 1
    Talk to someone - perhaps your gp/doctor?
  • 2
    exercise more, eat healthy.
    If your body feels good your mind will too.
  • 1
    Read uplifting scriptures in the Bible......Jesus heals and knows all our troubles.Mathew 6.6
  • 1

    > The right music can work wonders.


    Some music !

    Vib FLCL by Aaron Novak

    Thee Oh Sees by Tidal Wave

    New Soul by Yael Naim

    Anders Lewen - Beehive Yourself

    Spicks and Specks by Richard Hewson Orchestra With Children From Corona School

    FLCL AMV Little Busters

    That Happy Feeling by Bert Kaempfert

    The Walls Surrounding Me by Joe 90

    Crystallize dubstep violin by Lidsey Stirling

    Delicious by Shampoo

    99 Luftballons by Nena

    Toy Plane Heroes Trailer by...

    Hellcat by Desmeon

    Blitzkrieg Bop by Ramones

    Hooked on a Feeling by Blue Swede

    Little Less Conversation by Junkie XL
  • 2
    Get a dog
  • 2
    Hey fella, feel free to get in touch, I use Wickr Me (same username as here). Depression is a very complex beast. You have to make a binding agreement with yourself that you're going to be content with yourself. The sad truth is there isn't a checklist of things to do then you'll be ok. I haven't gone through depression myself but I know quite a few Devs and testers that have and I'm still in touch with them. By instinct, you know that clutching to barbed wire is going to hurt a lot and even if you manage to get through, the scars will always be there. Don't pin your hopes on entities you can't control, you will most likely be disappointed as I have been many times.
  • 2

    Get a robot dog, less to clean up. :-)

    And cheaper on vet bills..

  • 2
    Thanks for all yoir support guys! Really apprecuate it. I ve been listening to some very heavy metal music. It helps drown out my mind but with passing days it s more like heavy is not heavy enough....
  • 2
    Also the probable breakup? Yeah it just happened. 2 hrs ago. Not sure what i should be feeling right now. I m mad, depressed, sad, idk what... i just feel like laughing out maniacally....
  • 2

    FX [ Hugs. ]
  • 2
    @Nanos thanks man.. i guess... 5 year long relationship just came to an end and not because either of us did anything. No. Its the fucking conservative society.
  • 0

    > conservative society.

    Could you expand on that ?

    My last ten year relationship came to an end because the other guy was a great liar about how rich he was !
  • 1
    @Nanos in my society, the culture of arranged marriage system is prevalent. Her parents set her up with someone else amd even though she was supposed to have a say in it, she doesn't. And since the whole family is involved, they ve put wayy too much pressure on her and she cant do anything...
  • 0
    @Xaldos third world country my friend. We got our own shit going on...
  • 0
    @Xaldos its a tradition. Been going on for a couple centuries. Still goes on. People think its okay and all. Its shit. Its complete and utter bullshit.
  • 0
    @Xaldos its the whole of south asia mate... breaking dreams n shit
  • 0
    It isn't uncommon for traditions to exist because they work best.

    I'm reminded of a friend of mine who was against such things, but when they found out the benefits, they was suddenly for it !
  • 1
    @Nanos some are good. Some are plain and utter bullshit.
  • 0
    @Xaldos yep. Becausw that s how its been passed down. Though the new generations will brimg a change when we guys are old enough n all...
  • 0

    The benefits are interesting when you dig into the whole thing.

    It puts men into positions of power, this means you don't end up loads of single men, like you do without such a system.

    It helps to prevent a country going left wing, as women tend towards left wing thinking, and men right wing thinking.
  • 0
    When I compare the two cultures, it does appear rather evident which one is more successful.

    I look at friends from both.

    The arranged marriage friends, are all married, with kids, jobs, helped by their family.

    The non-arranged friends, single, no kids, no jobs..

    This is just what I've observed, not what I agree with !

    But the deeper I dig, the more I can understand the reasoning behind it, and that it might have more merit than at first glance.

    So, what would be a better solution that doesn't leave folk unmarried, without kids and no jobs.. ?
  • 1
    @Xaldos @Nanos fellas. Traditions suck. Gay marriage. Not a tradition. Walking on burning coal/fire, tradition. Rape for rape, tradition. They suck. Successful marriages arent caused by traditions, they re because of understanding and commitment. My depresseion is the key focal point... not traditions lmao xD
  • 1
    > I don't think that people who are
    > forced into marriage agree..

    The men I've spoken to say on the whole its been good for them.

    The women, less so..
  • 1
    > commitment.

    Difficult thing to get these days !
  • 1
    @Nanos men would agree obviously... women are the ones usually forced in to this
  • 0
    > having a job is a good thing, but not
    > if you aren't getting paid / treated
    > properly..

    Having any job is better than no job.

    Otherwise its no fun living under the stars and starving.

    Plus, jobs tend to help you get married. :-)
  • 1
    @Xaldos i m with you on this...
  • 0
    Reminds me of that old joke/saying:


    > Under capitalism, man exploits man.
    > Under communism, it's just the opposite.
  • 0

    Makes me wonder, what is half way between the two ?
  • 0
    @Nanos yeah sure they do. But thats not why my gf is getting married. Not because i m job less. But because the other guy is related to her sister s husband. And going by your tradition logic, tell me, she d be happy marrying someone right after the break up? Would you do that to your daughter? Or will you marry someone completely hung over someons else? Traditions are things people did when there was no electricity, they worshipped the sun, thought the earth was flat, polio was still killimg people, plague was there. And so on. Traditions suck. Most of them. They 've been passed down from age of ignorance and a majority of people carry it on. Slavery was a tradition, a major part of society. You re justifying patriarchy by saying this tradition is okay.....
  • 1
    @Xaldos we re just animals who studied engineering and medicine
  • 0
    @Xaldos my family s all chill and everything. They broke free from the traditions because my parents' were a victim of it. Its her family and she wont do it in a million years
  • 1
    @Xaldos because family values and the traditions and the conservative part...
  • 0
    @Xaldos sorta yeah. The reason why its over. She can't so no at this point...
  • 0
    > at least in my country it's not that
    > hard getting a job

    When it becomes otherwise !
  • 0
    > They've been passed down from
    > age of ignorance

    Not really no !

    They tend to appear based on many generations of, what works best.

    Efforts are made to try and explain them, which are often, symbolic at best.

    I'm reminded of a tribe who before they chopped a tree down, would go and pretend to start chopping down another tree instead beforehand.

    They said this was done so as to fool the forest and make it sleep, so they could cut down the tree they really wanted to, without it upsetting the forest.

    Now, this all sounds awful tradition like, with no sense or reason.

    But now we can study such traditions in detail, we are finding out there is some truth in it !

    I'm not sure offhand, if we can point to any tradition and say for sure, its complete bunkum.

    Any care to name any that we are sure, are simply not true at all ?

    Having lived in several very traditional cultures, I got to study first hand, as they transitioned towards a different culture, and saw the changes, often bad.
  • 0

    If you end up in a country where you cannot easily get a job, you may wish the old ways back again.
  • 0
    I'm reminded of a guy I knew who ran away with the woman he loved, and both become detached from their families who wanted nothing to do with either of them.

    A couple of years of happiness, until she ran off with someone else.

    Leaving my male friend heartbroken, and his family refusing to help him.

    FX [ Feels tearful. ]

    He was a good friend, but sadly when a previous relationship of mine ended, I too had to move away and haven't seen him since.

    Such is the cruelty of life.

    I'm reminded of another friend, a woman who has been single for nearly 30 years, she wishes her family could arrange her a marriage.

    She hates her job, and wishes she could just be a housewife.

    But perhaps that is what the tradition was created for, to reduce the overall suffering.

    It makes you think.

    In particular, it makes you think, is there a better way, or are we just making something not ideal, worse.
  • 0

    Your country could change in a decade or two quite easily.

    The trees is just an example of how we think we know better, but the old tradition is looking like it knows better.

    You shouldn't just assume a tradition is bad because it has some unpleasant aspects to it.

    The alternative might be worse !

    Sometimes there are no ideal choices, only least bad.

    Unless we can come up with a better solution, but that isn't as easy as it might first appear.
  • 0

    I hear that love is something that is more likely to happen if you spend more than 21 hours a week in the company of someone else.

    And love is not necessarily a good predictor of a good long term match.

    I notice looking at arranged families, how much wealthier they are on the whole compared to non-arranged families.

    Whenever I see something in life, I like to investigate, and try and disprove my original thought/theory of how things work.

    I sometimes find, the truth about how the world works, is not always palatable.

    I think a better understanding can help us to make better decisions, so as to increase the chance that our future will be a positive one.
  • 0
    > where only the elite gets jobs and
    > everybody else will be a slave..

    Give it time. :-)
  • 0
    > those people will not come in the
    > position of deciding for themselves

    I believe the thinking there is that young people are inexperienced about the world, and not yet mentally matured to make a good decision.

    I know myself, I should have listened more when I was younger. :-)

    Though not necessarily to my parents. :-)

    But I had to find out the hard way..

    Which costs you many years of your life, and your fortune !

    And even a bit of your health..

    If only the internet had been around, I could have asked others and got a spread of views, rather than just thinking about alone and trying to come up with the best answer based on what little I knew about the world.
  • 1
    @Xaldos no no, its okay. That s why i rant. Sociology and philosophy xD
  • 0
    > difference between listening to
    > someone and letting them control
    > your life..

    I find the difference is only really between who controls your life.

    As if we ever control our own lives. :-)

    For the most part, we are pawns, and sometimes we don't even know it !
  • 0

    I hope that our wider diggings into society at large can give you more or less hope, depending on your direction. :-)

    On the plus side, emotional pain is something that can run out, and tomorrow is another day.

    Hopefully a better one for you.

    If not the next day, perhaps the one after.
  • 0

    I think for the most part, its a choice between a rock and a hard place.

    We are pebbles on the riverbed.

    I reckon the most we can do, if we are lucky, is to steer a little to the left, or a little to the right.

    I try to work out the variables at play, and how much influence I really have, compared to how much influence wishfully think I have. :-)

    Then I try to work on the things I can change, whilst wondering if they will have unintended consequences..

    Best check online and ask a load of folk before I do X, Y or Z !

    Choices, choices..
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