62
Root
87d

!dev
!!misery

I'm drunk, so it's time for some faux-emotional, blunt oversharing. and lots of profanity. It won't be pretty.

------

I'm miserable. I can't sleep at night. When I finally manage to, I sleep like crap. In the morning, early, I get woken up by my children screaming or pulling my hair or jumping on either the bed or me, or talking ad furore, or any number of other miserably unpleasant things that completely prevent sleep. So I'm tired every single day, which totally surprisingly makes focusing on work fucking difficult. Doubly so because the work is fucking uninteresting and the code is awful to read and difficult to understand because it's complicated and often poorly written. And extending it takes enormous mental effort I simply do not have to give. Oh! Guess what my job is?

To make matters worse, time to myself basically does not exist, ever. I wake up, I attend standup, I cook and eat breakfast, I work while fighting against endless distractions and interruptions, I cook and eat dinner, I work some more, and finally: I can go to bed and try to sleep. The next morning, I wake up and repeat this misery, ad nauseam.

Et ad nauseam? Nauseam est nunc.
It's not proper latin, but fuck you. it's good enough. and nobody speaks it anyway.

Ego sum miseriae. Is that good enough for you?

I can't find it in myself to care about anything. I've been doing whatever I can to feel a little more normal, but mostly I just feel numb. If I drink, it helps a little because I notice my misery a little less. That's a great solution right there: drink until I don't care anymore, and keep doing the same shit without even trying to make things better. Why? Because I fucking can't. I hate this house, I hate the lack of quiet, I hate this city, I hate the dust and the clutter, I hate this state, I hate this codebase, I don't like my coworkers, I hate that I can't get a fucking thing done without spending 6x longer than it should, I hate that I can't fucking think of a single thing I want to do, I hate that I can't ever enjoy anything, I hate that I'm beginning to hate myself, and I fucking hate everything else, too.

In short:
I'm not happy. I'm fucking miserable.

And no, I'm not posting this here for you to psychoanalyze me or suggest solutions. It's for me to vent. Fuck your opinions and fuck your advice and fuck you.

Comments
  • 13
    No, fuck yOU.
  • 6
    'Happiness consists in getting enough sleep. Just that, nothing more.'

    Find a way to sleep well at night. No matter what it takes. Otherwise nothing else will get any better.
  • 5
    @Georgelemental Six times my usual dose of melatonin, on top of probably six shots of vodka. How's that for an attempt?
  • 10
    @Georgelemental something tells me:

    A) you don't have kids or have forgotten what it is like to be around them

    B) You didn't read the rant and offered advice despite rather clear instructions not to

    Or

    C) You just couldn't help yourself and your tiny little bit of self control couldn't hold back your need to feel helpful
  • 3
    still got that place in town whenever you feel like leaving the desert. Pick the right room and it'd take your kids a whole week just to find you 😅
  • 6
    This is usually the part where I say something tasteless in an attempt to be reassuring. Like "my tongue can solve about 50% of your stress problem right now."

    But devrant isn't the place.

    And shipping on a mail-order box big enough for a guy is expensive!

    One day, in the far dim future of 2069, telepresence will transmit not just voices and faces but oral sex.

    Oh what a joyous day that will be.

    Rest easy and pull back from the overwork Root. Burnout is a terrible form of self torture.

    Edit: misfit ur more subtle than me lol.
  • 2
    I know you said not to say shit but if I had kids and they did any of that shit to me i’d go fucking mkultra on their asses, or tie them and gag them or give them the electric dog collar if i had to.
  • 3
    idk if it helps but this kid is ready to give some (virtual :/) hugs. I need some anyway
  • 5
    @melezorus34 walk away man you gonna get stabbed in the face here
  • 4
    @molaram leave him be, that might actually cheer her up... The stabbing part I mean 😅
  • 3
    I hope the vent helped.

    I think a lot of people often find themselves in similar situations and it is hard. I know I found it very hard to make the decision to leave a company that was not good for me for similar reasons. I was lucky and moving was the correct thing for me.

    Those on lockdown are also finding all the little stresses that were always there are being amplified. Good luck to you and to everyone going through a hard time.

    (Hopeful I avoided adding an opinion or a suggested solution)
  • 0
    @TafT you'll see later if you get decapitated or not when she wakes up.... erm when the kids face kick her up

    we got the bucket ready anyway. someone took a shit in it earlier but you won't mind.
  • 2
    I would roll you 3 joints (heck plus an extra one) if we were in the same location simply coz you deserve it.
  • 2
    @witchDev that reminds me I so fucking need a joint right now. I'd even buy a kid if it came with a joint.
  • 3
    plenty of that here in mississippi as well. Still not quite legal but most of the police will just make you throw it out if they catch you with it now. Odds are if they don't the judge will throw your whole case out anyway.

    At least that's what they do with me, but I have a vet tag so I may get some bias. Pretty sure noone wants me wandering around town sober, that's for sure.
  • 0
    There are 4 reasons I wanna move to the states at some point. Weed is one of them.
  • 1
    @molaram it definitely has it's perks. Don't get suckered into moving to one of the larger cities though. Employers pay out the ass but taxes and the cost of living will kill the difference, especially if your someone who like to buy things often.
  • 2
    @molaram I feel you. I have a whole stash locked away in a home I can't access due to the lock down. Managing pretty well to my damn surprise. This the longest I have gone sober in a very long time.
  • 3
    @hash-table Damn, man. You make me wanna visit and smoke with you. I don't smoke but I'll try.
  • 1
    @hash-table plenty of room down here. Not a lot of dev jobs but there's always openings for them because all ours see the big salary elsewhere and take a hike.
  • 1
    @hash-table Yeah, I've been thinking about that too. That I'm willing to take a lower salary at this point if it means a simpler life with a job I'm happy with and more peace of mind.
  • 1
    Well if you can't sleep, maybe try listening to Headspace (last time I checked all their content is free)?

    Use it as time for yourself basically.
  • 2
    Won’t say much but it seems as if you need some vacation.
  • 1
    @molaram meh if more venting happens and it is direct at me it is fine. Sometimes it makes people feel better to have a good rant to get out the stress.

    I tried to obey the outlined rules and only empathise. Sometimes it is nice to know other people are going or have gone through some of the same troubles too.

    Thanks for getting the bucket ready. I will hope I don't get those post capitations that make the mouth open and close.
  • 0
    wow, it looks like the hell.

    What are you gonna do now?
  • 0
    @TafT looks like youve got it already mate :) might be the stick tho :)
  • 1
    @dsteiner from what? I'd love to take a vacation too but I only take staycations and the only thing I can do now is watch movies on my phone or my dad's laptop. I'm hiding out at my parents in the suburbs.

    Not much of a difference from wfh.
  • 6
    I always loved your rants now I love you even more.

    So glad someone else is climbing the fucking walls hating life and drinking to get by.

    PS - drug your kids so you can sleep my sister does it and she’s doctor.
  • 2
    @katbreitin if I am very honest, I am not against drugging your kids to get some rest. Your sister sounds smart.
  • 6
    Hey @Root , no advice, I just wanna say that rants like yours are what make devRant devRant,

    Also life's a bitch sometimes. Make it your bitch.
  • 1
    @sudo-woodo way to go bro!
  • 4
    Oh boi. This is why I swore to myself I will never have kids.
  • 3
    @Root we are here only here for vents like yours. And.. What did you say, no advice? Well fuck you how else would I feel great about myself and forget about my own shitty life? Try practicing remembering stuff you are grateful for in your life and have your own 'happy place'. They're a handful but your kids love you. They're not some other guy's code you gotta maintain nor some bugs - they're your own passion project. Things will turn out nice eventually. Yes yes I know you know eeverything but don't be ever a stupid ass who fears to ask for help, get therapy if you feel the need. I don't know about others but I am proud that you're handling so many departments in life all together... It's kinda how I see myself doing anyway.
    Also, about your job that doesn't make you happy but pays your bills, keep the vents about that comin. We need to publish a compilation of them. Now I'll fuck off to my own shitty life...
  • 3
    If only you know your impact on ranters on here (me specifically).
    If only you could see the big grin on my face when I check my phone to see "@Root ++d your rant".
    If only you know how valuable your comments really are... (Root commented on my rant? Fuck yeah it's a quality rant).
    You make devrant seem like devcry (deep) and that's all we need.
    And also one last thing to some fish brains out there, "stop trying to give advice where not needed!" Ranting by itself is an post-pill to oneself and you giving advice to a fellow ranter is more like trying to water a desert when who needs it more is you. @Root please keep the rants coming!
  • 0
    @pythonInRelay ahh... Ok... I tried a few months ago and thought they made everything free like Nike Training but looks like they backtracked....
  • 2
    I know this might be a stupid advise, but have you tried to smoke some indica before bed? It is proven that weed if not smoken regularly for a longer period of time helps with sleep especially the rem-phase.

    I just want to make clear that I don't advise any use of drugs(even when I just did), since being dependent them sucks major ass.
  • 1
    Your children pull your hair? You must have a strong personality.
  • 5
    Whatever happens don't rm rf /*
    You are already root
  • 2
    @FuckTS Well it cant be stronger than a personality that asks for help to homework on devRant.
  • 1
    This is some Disco Elysium shit right there.
  • 2
    @kuiper Let's start with you ~ ✂️👩‍⚕️
  • 2
    @melezorus34
    This isn't my children abusing me, dummy.
    It's children being children. They literally do not know any better. 😕
  • 1
    @Root I know, I am a child too. Didn't thought it through, so I wanna apologize. I already deleted that post's comment.

    Deleted the other one in here too.
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