So I've just finished a long day at work (warehouse) from 5.45 till 1.30, got home, had some herb tea, started dropping off, then my cunt of a mate sets a firecracker off IN MY TUPPERWARE, CRACKING THE BASTARD, THEN FUCKING THREATENS ME WHEN I TELL HIM TO SIT DOWN BEFORE I BREAK HIS NOSE. I don't know whether to just kill him or beat the shit out of him, but I'm sick of him doing shit like this when I finally manage to drop off to sleep (I don't sleep well).

FUCKING COCK SUCKING CUM STAIN.

I really want to try to beat the shit out of him but at the same time he's my best mate, what should I do, because I'm FUCKING SICK OF IT?!?

Either he doesn't understand your stress or he's a total jerk. Former, have a talk about your needs. Latter, smack him firmly upside the head.

@chadd17 problem is, I'm not a tough guy and he'd probably wipe the floor with me unless I completely commit to beating him black and blue, which I want to so very fucking bad

@chadd17 and he knows I'm stressed because I talk to him most about this shit

You could show him this thread...?
Otherwise I'm not sure what advice to give. That's a dodgy situation.

Next time he's asleep:

Set a firecracker off under his sheets or something.

Or break a glass bottle over his head.

Or piss on his face.

@chadd17 why the fuck can't I just find normal fucking friends. Not after money, weed, laughs. Just a normal fucking friend. And if I did he'd probably laugh and say I'm 'having a whap' whatever the fuck that means

@SSDD I'd love to but he doesn't sleep at mine and he has insomnia worse than me so he never drops off.

I could put a firecracker in a fag though...

@DucksCanCode that's homophobic.

@SSDD what is?

@DucksCanCode never mind.

@SSDD I'm sorry if I didn't get a joke but I'm shaking with anger and thinking about killing my mate, so please excuse any lack of humour

@SSDD
He meant a cigar, you know that right?

@DucksCanCode Want good friends? Location, location, location. You are probably looking for friends in the wrong places.

A friend that is also a girl (weird I have to clarify that now a days) once asked..
Nicole: "Why are all the guys I meet jerks, pervs, and liars? Why can't I find a nice guy?"
Me: "Where have you been looking?"
Nicole: "Bars, parties, those kinds of places."
<awkward silence>
Nicole: "Oh...I should probably not go to places where those people hang out. Any suggestions?"
Me: "Volunteer. Food bank, hospital, most any local charity. Usually the good kind of weirdos do those things. We're going to the tech conference next month. Lots of eligible males with disposable incomes who would treat you like a queen."

She's married now with 3 kids with someone she met at conference.

@PaperTrail this.

In my shallow experience, you'll get friends you like most when you act brutally true to your character.

@nbamaral lol yeah it's just my sense of humour. The way the world is today with people massive oversensitivity to the slightest of slight non politically correct comment, I find it amuses me to make daft jokes like that.

Someone: I hate the colour purple, I think it's really depressing.

Me: that's racist.

No one really thinks it's funny except me which makes it even more amusing to me.

@PaperTrail king of the friend zone!

@SSDD no, that is actually funny.

I've cheered up a bit now because I just broke his nose and it bled. A lot.

I didn't read rant, but saw a penis in pick. WTF? WTF literally

I read the rant, but still WTF PENIS ON THE PICK WTF
Please, explain, I will not fall asleep until understand. I won't go to the office tomorrow. Fuck.

@rostopira where? XD

@DucksCanCode at the right

@DucksCanCode stare at it really hard and it appears. And then you can't unsee it.

Man that thing on the right side... looks like a dick.

If someone broke my Tupperware I would take out my cleaver. Nobody fucks with you when you have a cleaver

@chadd17 @BroCow gr8 my thumb looks like a cock.

@duckscancode dude u have to throttle ur bating speed..

Brooooo. I feel bad lol. Seriously, bromances can only be bromances with some sort of mutual respect. Tell him he needs to grow the fuck up, or your gonna drop his ass. Get that dude out of your life if he doesn't not comply. You say he knows your stressed, and he continues to act like a little bitch. And when you show your anger, he threatens you? Fucking drop him with all your might, or break up with him.

@DucksCanCode Use the router to redirect all his requests to a site of your choice.

@grosten can't, I don have admin access as it's part of the rent

@DucksCanCode Too bad