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Me : Here's my resignation.
Boss : No need.
Me (Expecting some good words) : Why sir?
Boss : Here's your termination.20 -
"Sure ill join the meeting it's not like I'm busy with the project's deadline being this Friday and all"
My notes from the meeting:
9 -
Every time I code, my programmer boyfriend has to be near me. Why, you may ask? Because this happens too often:
me: *yells bf name*, why does this not work?????
bf: here, lemme see
*code mysteriously works when bf comes to see*
bf: what, theres nothing wrong with that
me:
15 -
Me : hey, why have you taped out your webcam ?
Him : shhhh, they are watching.
Me : what ?
Him : what ?16 -
Customer: I don't see why you cant just make me something like Facebook for $300 this is ridiculous
Me: ...
7 -
Programmer boyfriend says he misses me, wants to talk to me and wants us to video call.
He codes on camera instead of talking with me. 😂10 -
Our parent company is pushing a new zero defect policy for code that gets shipped.
The next day they announced they are firing our QA team.
WTF?!16 -
Everything was going well, finally could put some money aside and I literally thought 'if nothing breaks down this month, I'll have a good month of savings :D'.
I should definitely not have fucking thought that.
Well, RIP phone. Let's search for a new one.
😭55 -
Friend: "How does one use rubber ducks"
Me: "You don't"
Friend: "why?"
Me: "Rubber ducks uses you."1 -
My mom: "there's a virus in my phone! It says so when I open Chrome!"
Me: "...stop clicking on strange links that your friends send you, mom. Nobody will ever give you free Nespresso capsules for life as a gift."
Every damn time.4 -
First day on the phone as a support guy!
Before the first call came in I thought like 'please no email related issues as that's the one thing I suck at!'
Fair enough, first call:
Me: hello, how can I help you?
Customer: well, we've got this email problem...
Me thinking: MOTHERFUCKING FUCKING FUCK WHY ME 😭
Me: what seems to be the problem?
Damn, really?!9 -
Me: why do people hate javascript?
Also Me after 5 mins of js coding :
Oh right now i remember why8 -
Programmer boyfriend: you should come back to programming
Me: why?
PBF: then we can work together
Me:
11 -
Fucking HR interviews. Fucking "tell me about yourself" and pretending to seem interested in what i have to say while you think about how you did it with a guy behind the dumpster.
For fucks sake, i am a developer, i have spent more time with coding language than human language. I speak more to a rubber duck than to my friends. That's what you want to know about me?
I am here to fix your fucking site that uses flash plugin in 2017 and you want me to tell good things about your company?
Do you want me to tell you the details about your site that i got from whois and that your subscribed domain registration will end in September this year?
You don't know what responsive design is and you dare interview me?
Thanks for wasting my time and telling me shit about your company and how you have offices in germany and china. Well guess what? I dont care. I am busy thinking about some girl... Actually i am thinking about my side project. I dont know why i pretend to be cool?7 -
That awkward moment, when you after several hours of debugging finds the error, types git blame and your own name comes up.3
-
Had a recruiter contact me at home on my day off.
Recruiter: We have a company that would be interested in hiring a C# developer because of your programming skillset.
Me: Does it involve ASP.NET?
Recruiter: Yes.
Me: I apologize, but I don't have any skills in ASP.NET. I've been instead focusing on building my skillset with Java Spring/Hibernate and soon JavaScript to start building front end skills with my backend skillset.
Recruiter: Oh, is Java an in demand skill that companies want?
....Why are you talking to me mate? Take off your headset, go home, and rethink your life choices.4 -
My Galaxy S7 Edge fell onto the gravel road as I was getting out of my car and the screen shattered into tons of small cracks!! Just a few days before I was gonna sell it to somebody for the same price I bought it for! 😫
FUUUUUCCCKKK 😡18 -
My morning is starting off with a 40,000 line code review of a php project....yeah how's your morning going??!??!!??9
-
A real conversation I just had:
Brother: Have you heard of a game called Super Hot?
Me: Everyone has heard of that game.
Brother: Can you play it?
Me: I don't have the PC to run it.
Brother: I played it on my friend's Xbox.
Me: I don't have an Xbox.
*Pause for effect*
Brother: Can you build one?
(He's not stupid. He just likes to say things that will annoy me. We live in the same household, he would know if I have a PC or an Xbox.)12 -
so my university just updated ALL of their PCs to Windows 10 and every time I log in......
"We're preparing some things for you"
*5 mins later*
"This may take a while"11 -
THEY'RE ALL EXACTLY THE FUCKING SAME BUT UNDER DIFFERENT ACCOUNTS ARE YOU ACTUALLY FUCKING WITH ME RN
8 -
Getting real fucking sick of shitty websites excessive security measures!
1. Username
2. Password
3. Captcha
4. Mandatory 2FA
We don't recognize your IP, please log into your email, click the link, get redirected and complete steps 1-4 again! Also the site will time out in 10 minutes if you aren't actively using it. Have a nice day!
Go fuck yourself.8 -
Shit! I knew buzzwords were overused, but I just saw an ad and it is fucking jesused jambled bananas in the ass.
Starts with a woman looking out the window and there’s a tornado (seems ok for now)
The tornado approaches and IT IS MADE OF FUCKING NON MONOSPACED IN MY ASS FONTED 0s AND 1s. Bonus point: they are green !!
Switches to lines of GREEN code (kill my fucking brain with a pistol attached to your dick right now)
Probably JS or something similar in syntax.
And then: A FUCKING GUY LEANING OVER POINTING SOMETHING ON THE SCREEN! HIS NAMETAG:
Logan Paul
Blockchain
👏👏👏👏
And then some other buzzing asses armagedon en d of the fucking world bleeding edge vibrator buzzwords shenanigans.
Finishes with drones shot flying between businesses building with 3d floating words like
Blockchain!
Artificial Intelligence
Deep learning
Etc.
KILLLLLL MMMEEEE FU748-KFJV ING 3I6HT N0W $)&(&($8#;&(&8 jeiebc15 -
Uh, I gotta do Task #1337. It better is a good one!
*reads the title*
"Write technical documentation for... "
... D'oh! -
I have those conversations with my coworkers about once a day. We use Linux at work and I am the only one with any real Linux experience.
C: I have a problem! I tried and googled everything already! Come help me...
M: *slowly walks over to their PC*
M: *copy-pastes the error into Google*
M: *clicks the first result*
M: *presses two buttons*
*everything works again*
M: So you tried Google already, have you?
When I leave there (it's a PhD position and I'm almost done) they will probably crash and burn...7 -
It bugs the crap out of me that GitHub.com is not fully responsive.
Mobile?
Check
Desktop?
Check
Everything in between?
Nope nope nope
Also, if you want to waste a huge chunk of time, try to google if you can contribute to GitHub.com. 🙄20 -
Why the fuck am I - who never had a girlfriend in his life - the person my friends come to to get relationship advice?
Well, I can tell them what no to do...16 -
So yesterday I deployed a build on our release environment and i had added a new rest api end-point which I needed to test.. A heads up though, its written in java spring and the entire flow consisted of too many calls/returns from various other java & python services.. Also to make things worse, the entire deployment is a really cumbersome process as you need to copy the build from one box to another..
After like almost 4-5 hours of debugging, adding logs left right & center, crazy upload speeds (yaa this is sarcastic) and frustation at its peak, I found the issue..
There was an if condition that was checking for equality between an enum constant & an enum in a request aaaannnnnddd
*Drum roll
THE CONSTANT ENUM BELONGED TO THE WRONG PACKAGE HENCE ALWAYS EVALUATING TO FALSE... ALSO, BOTH THE ENUMS IN THE DIFFERENT PACKAGES ARE IDENTICAL... FUCCKKKKKKK MY LIFE
😑🔫1 -
Stupid me.
I wrote myself a ImageViewer for Windows. (see my website) and to test every possible situation which can cause the program to crash, i wrote a little script to rapidly load new pictures. like really fast importing, we are talking about every 50ms a new picture. And here comes my fuck up. I forgot to implement the disposal of the pictures. this means my program unloads the pictures but they stay in the RAM. So i managed to fill my 16gig of Ram in about 10 sec which causes Windows to close unused windows/program and then it crashes.
So Windows decided that my Crashreport from my Program was not imporant enough to keep open.
It took me 3 crashes until i figured it out.. :(2 -
If im fine using Windows and getting my work done, i really couldn't care less about your Linux suggestion26
-
I got through the first stage for a summer internship at Amazon. They send me a link to a technical test with a 7 day deadline to complete.
The link brings me to a 404 page. Fuck.
I contact customer support, reach out to Amazon directly, don't get any response whatsoever. The week has passed and the link is still dead and I s received no word from them.
FML. And fuck Amazon for teasing me like this and for having such shitty technical support.12 -
Dad: Why are you learning brainfuck
ME: --[----->+<]>----.+++.--.--.--[--->+<]>.--.++++[->+++<]>.--[--->+<]>-.--[->++++<]>-.+[->+++<]>.[--->+<]>+.-[---->+<]>++.+[----->+<]>+.+.+++++.18 -
This is what I get for wanting to try Arch Linux again.... I even followed a guide so that I don't mess up. 😑 Fuck you Arch Linux and your complicatedness. And fuck you too brain for being Arch Linux dumb.
22 -
Who's got two thumbs and has to write a script to run in Internet Explorer <em><h1>5!!!!</h1></em>.
<small>This guy</small>11 -
"Why does my app have so many bugs!?"
"Why does literally nothing work!?"
"How come you cant fix these problems soon enough?"
...
Me: "remember how you didnt account for testing in the budget or development plan?"
"No"
Me: "thats why."2 -
Holy fucking cockgoblin!
If you interview for a senior position, please, for the sanity of your interviewer (me), make sure you know how to declare variables and how to iterate over an array in the language which the shitgoblin (you) "love and use all the time".
Of course the interviewer (me) is gonna be polite and let the shitgoblin (you) code out your 50-line solution for a 3-line problem, but after 2 hours watching the shitgoblin contemplate solutions that anyone who ever opened a fucking beginners tutorial by accident could answer, the interviewer might prefer to have been on a Justin Bieber concert or have sucked huge sweaty ballsacks for those two hours.
I know that interviews can be hard and stressful - I've been there, am there, and at some point will be there again - but please, for the love of nonexistent gods, don't be a time-wasting shitnugget but prepare yourself!16 -
After this, I absolutely hate Google.. They sent me an email telling me reasons why I should be using Gmail.
12 -
Omg so I've been stuck on this function I'm writing that checks if a certain array value is so many characters long and well, it just wasnt returning false when outside the conditions..
I tried taking it step by step, echoing out every line and it all made sense to me and there were no syntax errors.
Time goes by and inside the configuration file I was testing.. I was changing the value of a DIFFERENT array property than what I was using in my condition. They looked really similar.. fml xD2 -
Dev pickup lines:
Hey girl, I may not know your namespace but if you let me cin it'll turn you cout😉
Comment your best13 -
I have been having bad luck...
First, windows kept wiping my arch drive.
Then my phone got fucked up in the middle of rooting so I had to reflash Android.
Then after I successfully rooted, I accidentally turned on bootloader lock which dissabled booting in to any mode (because I modified system files).
So then I had to reflash again.
Then I had problems because Knox is a bitch.
So I reflashed again. (It finally worked).
Then I tried installing arch again and fucked up my graphics drivers.
Then I installed Arch again and it finally worked!
But then I was modifying settings on chrome os and fucked up my Chromebook's graphics driver.
Then I had to reflash my Chromebook and put it back in to developer mode.
Then my phone started having permissions problems so I had to reflash it again.
So I have concluded:
Technology doesn't like me.
At least my arch install looks cool and my Android launcher looks like this:
14 -
Sleep rant time!
As per usual, I got home late and tired, but wanted to keep on with learning to use Electron for a personal project. I setup everything, created the project and began to tinker with it.
One issue, the script I made was not loading, I spent like 30 minutes wondering why, reading docs (it was 12:40AM). When I was about to give in, I opened the index.html file and guess what? I IMPORTED THE SCRIPT AS A FUCKING STYLESHEET.
I laughed like 2 minutes, then shut the lid of my laptop and went to sleep and thought "Oh, so silly"3 -
When you think it can't get any worse you stumble across legacy what-the-actual-fuck-was-he-thinking-templates of your hopefully slowly-dying ex-coworker...
7 -
On chat today.
Dude: can you run a script for me? We don't have permission.
Me: what kind of script? Who wrote it?
Dude: posts screenshot of DML select/update statement he tried to run.
Me: I'm a DBA. We don't run DML for people.
Dude: Oh. Can you give me the password?
Me: examine script and notice he tried to run it on QA DB.
Me: No. We don't memorize passwords, and this is QA; you need to check the password out of the safe. You also need a change ticket to DevOps, and they will run it for you.
At that point I ended the discussion, because running anything in QA or Prod without a change ticket gets you fired. And I like my job. Really annoyed.3 -
"Aunt": I know that you have a bachelor's degree in computer science so you are smart with the computer...can you help me to pair new universal remote control for my television?1
-
14,190 emails deleted. I got too damn many emails this week at work alone. I'm scared to check my personal emails7
-
*Has idea that will change the world!*
*finds awesome software to help accomplish said idea*
$apt install awesome-software
*Get weird error: Google error for 30 minutes and (of course!) come up with nothing useful and finally*
$apt install awesome-software
"Installation Succeded!"
Now.. What was my idea again?!?! -
First story (not rant) :3
So I was asked to set problems for an online programming contest for my college (I'm a sophomore)
The participants were students from my college.
Teacher told me "make as hard as you can"
I gave it my all.
:|
1 person solved the first question. Nobody solved the other four. :|
Not sure if I should be proud or sad.
And if you're wondering - here was my first question -
Sam wants to invest in real estate. He's got X dollars to spend. He knows the expected value per square meter of a given property. He knows the coordinates of the vertices of the polygon shaped properties he's interested in.
(both the values and coordinates for each property are given in input)
Find the maximum return on investment he can get.
(answer is, basically you calculate the area of each polygonal house using half the vector cross product, multiply it with their expected value per square meter, and then apply a dynamic programming - knapsack approach)
;-; I really thought it was a nice question man. ;-; I put so much thought into others too. ;-;
Got ignored. ;-;6 -
Still tryin to learn Java and suddenly appears Kotlin... I sometimes want to stop the frig world :'v5
-
When you laugh at people who crack their phone screens, and then you drop yours face down on asphalt and your screen shatters. Life is fair sometimes11
-
Client gives me long talk about how important their website is to them. Repeatedly have to reassure them I know what I am doing. Still badger me about being super secure. Their password is the same as their username for their website hosting.1
-
First thing on Monday morning drama.
I like to get in early, the office is empty, I can have my coffee in peace and (relative) quiet. At 8:25 I get a phone call from a client. They've moved their domain to a new registrar. The site and their emails no longer work "should we have told you we were moving it?"
No words. Just, no words.
Thankfully they're being calm about it, I think they realise their mistake. But holy FUCK NUGGETS, IF YOU CHANGE ANYTHING RELATED TO YOUR SITE OR EMAILS OR DOMAIN, TELL THE GUYS WHO ARE HANDLING IT.1 -
So I spent the last two days wondering WTF I did wrong, because my Laptop (Debian STABLE mind you...) would only boot in read-only mode and therefore only TTY (which btw sucks donkey-balls on a 4k screen (see image for visualization)) but on the earlier Kernel 4.9.0-7, everything was dandy.
So apparently laptop-mode-tools managed to fuck shit up in a way yet unknown, but as soon as I yeeted that bitch off my harddrive, everything was working flawlessly again...
10 -
Can someone explain the philosophy of the "not for me" downvote?
There are many things that are "not for me" in life, but, presumably, this action executes a global downvote on the post/comment---which is pretty much an expression of "not for anyone".
If this action were to train a recommendation engine---so I get recommendations that like-minded people see---then great. But why should that result in a public downvote?
I don't go up to people in the bar and say "Drinking Guinness? Not for me, mate." As an adult, I understand that my preferences are not universal.
Personally, I can't square the idea of "not for me" with its consequence of a public downvote.
I'm sure this must have been covered before...but all rants, as physiological and emotional activities, are unique. Your rant can never be mine.5 -
I’m fairly new to maintaining my own webservers. For the past week the servers (two of them) kept crashing constantly.
After some investigation I figured it was due to someone running a script trying to get ssh access.
I learned about fail2ban, DOS and DDOS attacks and had quite a fight configuring it all since I had 20 seconds on average between the server shutdowns and had to use those 20 second windows to configure fail2ban bit by bit.
Finally after a few hours it was up and running on both servers and recognized 380 individual IPs spamming random e-mail / password combos.
I fet relieved seeing that it all stopped right after fail2ban installation and thought I was safe now and went to sleep.
I wake up this morning to another e-mail stating that pinging my server failed once again.
I go back to the logs, worried that the attack became more sophisticated or whatever only to see that the 06:25 cronjob is causing another fucking crash. I can’t figure out why.
Fuck this shit. I’m setting another cronjob to restart this son of a bitch at 06:30.
I’m done.3 -
For about 3x years now, we have had 3x generic work email addresses that are used as microsoft accounts for office 2016 licenses.
(The company is dragging its heels on getting office 365 so MS like to make our lives hell.)
Suddenly we can’t get office updates... and when we sign in to see why, it says that because we are apparently only 3 years old we need our parents permission to use the account or we’ll lose access by September.
Never were we forced to enter a DOB when setting the accounts up!!! So it used the account setup date instead.
It turns out that we can’t change our DOB ourselves, as we are a ‘child’ and need a parents permission.
Fine.
I access my personal account and follow the instructions to add the 3x email addresses as my children so i can change the DOB.
‘Ha ha’ i hear microsoft saying, ‘it doesn’t work that way!!’
No, In order for the parent to verify their child’s identity, they are charged 0.50c per child!
Wtf!!
Doesn’t cost a lot but come on Microsoft!!
It’s that, or submit ID, which obviously wont work for a generic support@ email address like we have.
So annoying and we don’t know what to do.
Wonder how much MS are making out of this...2 -
How are practical exams conducted in your university (if you're still a student)?
I'm dreading tomorrow. So I have a practical exam tomorrow and usually in my university, they first ask us to write the solution code on a paper, get it approved from the invigilator (who by the way ignorantly approves everybody's code without checking) and then only we are allowed to actually execute our code and get it approved again from the examiner.
It's been three years now and I still don't get the point of first writing the code on the paper (as if we didn't already have theory exams expecting us to write it all on paper) and then executing it....9 -
When you spend two weeks coding something only to find out there is a cool generator that could write 90% of your code for you7
-
I saw a job I could apply, I matched all the requirements, 100%. Not only the bases requirements, but I also had almost all the extras, and the company was in my country and spoke my language, it's good for me since my English isn't perfect.
I didn't apply because I'll graduate soon and I want to focus on my degree.
I bet that when I graduate all my current knowledge will be obsolete and I'll no find any job - not even if I beg for it - until I starve. Do you want to bet a beer? I'm ready10 -
Big legacy code files in COBOL.
My team at my company is mostly done with a process converting all COBOL to Java or PL/SQL but there are still some major processes that remain. This includes a 60,000 line process that is at the heart of it. When something goes wrong there it's so hard to find :c10 -
Am I the only one who encounters these dickhead teachers, who live in a world, where they think that you have just their subject?
I mean that kind of professor, who shows up 30 minutes late to a lecture, sends you source code with no commetary because fuck you with a rusty fork and tells you that we have no time to write the code during the class?
The one who shows you a shitty presentation with the same code he just sent you, just cut into 72 slides and at every slide tells something like this is pretty self explanatory, x just does y and if you ask a question he gives you that deep stare, like if you really mean it seriously to waste his time, since he really really wants to go to his office sooner so he can scratch his balls?
That type of professor who tells you that as a student of CS degree you are required to put some passion to your craft and study when you arrive at home and hes there just to give you guidelines, but apparently somehow forgotten that people usually need to sleep?
That same cunt who doesnt give a shit that you have 4 more projects to finish this week, doesnt push the deadline, nor give you advice, because you had opporturnity to ask the whole time?
But still that motherfucker, who gives you test questions that he took from mouth of Satan himself and then questions your answers like Where did you get that from?
Well fuck yall who do that shit, hope that you suffocate yourself while eating bread.
Why these douches doesnt understand, that even if we arent under the Working Laws, working more than 40 hours a week isnt the best way to keep us sane or motivated.2 -
That feeling when building and testing on android device takes you 5 mins and then you spend 2 days dealing with Apple's bullshit.
Sexy devices and pretty interfaces but they just looove making devs jump through hoops.3 -
My coworker found out that Powerpoint is Turing Complete, so now he wants to write an operating system in Powerpoint. Kill me now...2
-
A couple of days ago I got sent this Node.js project that hasn't been touched in a year, to see what's missing compared to the requirements and estimate the dev costs.
-> Cloned the project
-> Checked the dependencies
-> Saw a library who's github was archived 2 years ago, and the latest version is a completely redesigned fork
-> Closed the laptop
-> Cried out loud "HOHOHO Hell NO"
Guess I'll see you in 2019, you huge pile of work, you... -
Fucking kill me. I've just agreed to make a shitty fucking app that would be better as a Webpage, using shitty fucking technologies I don't understand, to do a thing that would be better handled by a third party.
You know why? The guy who asked me to do it is a good friend, and I'm the "best (only) code monkey" he knows. FUCK MY LIFE.
At least I'm getting payed7 -
Almost like interview.....
At project fair..
Q. Which language you use.
Me. Python
Q. Why.
Me. Explained
Q. Why you not use Java?..
Me(in mind): ###############4 -
Did some uncompleted changes.
Pushed to master..
At friday evening...
Before christmas....
Still an amazing person😂 -
Yesterday I found a Fridge on Amazin which you plug into your USB Port. I really liked the product so I told my friend about it. Unfortunately she doesnt know shit about tech😂. First I had to explain what a fucking USB Port is!!! A USB Port!After an hour of explaining she thought that the fridge is for cooling a USB Port. FML😂😂10
-
/**
Fresh university graduate.
Looks for positions to apply to.
Refines search to "Entry-level".
All minimum qualifications: 5-10 years industry
experience.
Cries.
**/7 -
Ransomware has the effect to destroying data and my will to live.
I come in to work yesterday to see everyone panicking. We got hit by WannaCry. The boss is with IT dealing with it and sends all of us home. No biggie, since all of my work data is backed up on an offsite server.
I come back into work to still see everyone in a frenzy. I think they are still overreacting to the attack, so I go to my corner in the office. I boot up to see the Ubuntu logo, which is a huge problem, not for me of course, but for everyone else who can barely work Windows. I barge in on my boss and ask him why the fuck is Ubuntu on the PC's.
He replies, "I looked it up, Linux is not affected by viruses".
What the fuck is wrong with people? After I tell him to revert back to Windows because he's being a fucking retard, he goes ahead to send all of us home.
I can only hope he doesn't install Zorin or Elementary because I will quit.6 -
anyone having the same problem of mine? I was asked to give an estimation but I suck at giving estimations!
I once gave my boss an estimation of three weeks, and completed in 1.5 weeks + including unit tests for my work O_O4 -
I am sure now, my server hates me T_T
opened an SSH from Vultr portal and after working for few minutes that thing suddenly rebooted, am I a bad person :(
In its defense I had two docker containers that literary ate all the 512MB ram available :35 -
For the next 2 months, I'm forced to migrate documentation from one site to another, correcting the formating if needed.
What did i do to deserve this?5 -
Nothing more refreshing than seeing the code definitely do the opposite of what its line comments say it does in the first file you open to get to know the new project 😅
-
Follow up to previous rant:
Now after I realised that I'm a stupid motherfucker, today was release day. Or so it was planned.
Because turned out my colleagues/supervisors didn't tell me to test the app on Android 6 devices and I was sure that if it ran on the device they gave me (which I assumed was the only device of our clients) it'd be sufficient.
Now it was tested on an android 6 device and crashed constantly.
Wow... I mean... Just wow... Now because I don't have a working android 6 device (a colleague of mine is on vacation and locked our development devices for a different app into a drawer) I have to get the emulator working which took me about 2 hours because that dumb shit face of a laptop first didn't have the android-sdk-root set (took me a good hour to realise) and then the kernel for the avds was missing.
Also: windows updates.
FUUUUUUUUUUUU....
(PS: yeah I should have tested it on various devices and made sure it worked on at least most of them without being told so. Another example for my stupidity.)
EDIT: Now I don't have enough disc space for the kernel I need to install. Absofuckingfantastic2 -
Sometimes I look at my old code and I wish I could go back in time and punch my self in the face for writing that shit
But then I look at it as I'm actually improving so guess it's ok?
Spent 4 hours fixing callback mess I had in my ReactJs project, making it all as Promise and async hope I don't fuck up this time -
Fuck Google Chrome cache.
For almost an hour, sat and tried to make changes to a react UI but unfortunately nothing's changing. Started to worry and doubt myself.
Even thought of getting myself the yellow duck! But fuck no , little did I realise that Chrome "intelligently" fetched my page from cache even though I was using incognito! Had to re-open the browser to realise that.
How did I find out you ask? I thought why not fucking open the same page in Mozilla . Why? Because why not?! But I still can't believe that I wasted a whole fucking hour due to that piece of shit called cache!15 -
My boyfriend: "how do you do <some random stuff> on Windows"? After I tried to answer: "Why I ask you about Windows"? Me: "Yeah! Why people still asks me about Windows"? Why?3
-
So I've just finished a long day at work (warehouse) from 5.45 till 1.30, got home, had some herb tea, started dropping off, then my cunt of a mate sets a firecracker off IN MY TUPPERWARE, CRACKING THE BASTARD, THEN FUCKING THREATENS ME WHEN I TELL HIM TO SIT DOWN BEFORE I BREAK HIS NOSE. I don't know whether to just kill him or beat the shit out of him, but I'm sick of him doing shit like this when I finally manage to drop off to sleep (I don't sleep well).
FUCKING COCK SUCKING CUM STAIN.
I really want to try to beat the shit out of him but at the same time he's my best mate, what should I do, because I'm FUCKING SICK OF IT?!?
30 -
Today is release day
Today is also the day we add couple of features for the release that will take a week to implement
Life is just won-fuck-erful -
Linux doesn't like my Asus laptop
For fuck's sake stop asking me to login again when I put in the correct password, cannot even sign in as a guest jeez
Never. Partitioning. Again.10 -
My dick is like a diamond: Disappointing and too small without expensive processes to make anyone happy.
˙ǝןqɐʇɹoɟɯoɔun s,ʇı puɐ ʇɟos "ᔭ ǝʞıן ʇı ǝʞɐɯ spǝɯ dǝǝןs ʎɯ ʇnq pɹɐɥ "ϛ˙ᄅ ǝʞıן s,ʇı24 -
When an interviewer asks, what are the steps that you take usually when given a task to do something, what do you guys say?
I said, I devote 10-20% of the time to understand the given problem - sit and explore all possible scenarios to handle, then develop a brute Force approach, improve the approach to make it more efficient, see if it handles all edge and corner cases, then write test cases for it.
( I'm thinking, the process doesn't vary a lot for most of the people?, Except in TDD - one'll write the test cases first)
How would you answer this question?
I have this feeling that I messed up something 🤔9 -
For some reason I stopped doing things I love lately. Everyday I used to go online, read Java documentation, practice it. Afterwards I'd play some games or something, work on a school project, etc.
But for the past few weeks, I have barely touched any code. I have no idea why. I also haven't played any games for the past three weeks. I am only starting to get back into my usual thing since like 4 days ago. What is happening? Am I depressed or something? probably...5 -
Sooooo the computers at my university
printf("%f", 0.5);
Prints the biggest number a double can have, just... WHY!3 -
Old story, happened some way back. I worked part-time for a small web development company that did between other things something called SharePoint development, basically .net webforms with shit glitter on top of it.
The most weird part of it, was the fact that we were working on vms that hosted the app, it was our dev, test and staging environment, as well as were we showed the client the polished turd.
Did I say that it was on a vm? Well it was on a remote vm, that each of use had access to it, through our domain accounts, and they couldn't configure the windows server to accept more than two or three users at once to be connected.
That was our test enviroment and dev enviroment, sooo showing the app to the client meant for the rest of us to not write any code because it might crash or get stuck.
The app was accessible and discoverable by url and through google search from outside, I dont think that should have been allowed.
The most disastrous part was that we had NO source versioning whatsoever, just plain old copy and paste in different folders.
Deploying to client meant remoting to the clients host or whatever it was, and manually copying the source files
If someone wanted to debug the application you had to shout, and you also could hear it, in the office: "I'm debugging!" or "I'm deploying!". Because we were on the same machine, there was only one process with the server and it meant that if you debug or deployed it would block it for the others.
Should I talk about code quality? Maybe not.1 -
I'm trying to investigate why chrome keeps crashing after i implemented web sockets to a web app.
I used windows perfmon to see the memory usage over night.
The usage between 17:30 and 01:50 is expected behaviour as this part of the app is a live data graph of the last 48 hours.
Now i have to find out why the app doubles in memory twice in a hour.
3 -
'I remember, oh six months ago... when I was all like ... "I'll be that dev that happily takes PMs!" ... yeah... I hate six-month-ago-me'1
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Banging my head on my desk because I couldn't figure out why my website was bugging out in mobile mode.....
Come to find out I forgot a closing " ...there's a hour of my life I'll never get back lol
Special thanks to HTML validators lol1 -
Dual-booted Gaming Computer: A Saga of Frustration, Alcoholism*, and Relief
So a while back my gaming computer was booting Antergos Linux and Windows 10. It took me a few months, but I finally became fed up with Windows 10's bullshit of putting ads in the OS (Suggested Apps, OneDrive, etc.) and reinstating all of their defaults after an upgrade (Edge, privacy settings, the People Button in 1709).
So, I backed up my data and installed Windows 7. Windows 7 has a bright, consistent look, and in my opinion still holds up as a good operating system.
However, I couldn't boot into Antergos after that. For whatever reason, no matter how hard I tried, I just wasn't able to. So, I decided to reinstall. Might as well, anyway.
Now, I have an nVidia card, which does not play well with the OSS drivers, so it's basically normal for me to have to unplug my card and use the on-board graphics. So I do that and boot into the LiveUSB, do the install, boot into the desktop, install the nVidia drivers package, shut down.
I reinstall the card, turn the computer on... and nothing. Just a black screen with a flashing underline. I can't even get into a TTY session.
I ended up trying a few other distributions--Gecko Linux, Arch Labs, Manjaro--but all had the same issue. I was about to give up, but decided to try Antergos one more time, but with the newest install media.
And it worked! I was so freaking happy! I can finally play my Linux games again!1 -
We're trying to use Oracle databases in Visual Studio. They won't install the Oracle developer tools on my system. Life has lost all meaning. I'm floating in an endless void where the only sensations are confusion and the vague sense that someone is stepping on my stomach4
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When you were beating your friend in a course all year, only for them to ace the final project with you flopping. Carried them all the way to the end, and now I have to ace the exam to beat him overall, or I'll never hear the end of it 😒1
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After writing ~200 lines of code and then unit testing it
THE TESTS ALL PASS!!!
then I run them again just to be sure and they all pass but mocha is saying I am getting 40ms lag on some of my tests...
Noooo!!!
This is meant to be an async message passing system; I cannot have an input lag of 40ms :(5 -
Help. I work with a guy who really wants to learn programming (he’s sales/support rn) and is even taking some courses on it. He seems eager enough to learn, the problem is he is just so fucking stupid I don’t know whether to encourage him or level with him.
He somehow managed to pass a course on Java (which I still don’t believe since I had to help him put his lines of code in the right order ffs), but now he’s signed up for C++ and data structures and I honestly don’t know how he’s going to do it.
This is the type of guy who loves “coding” but thinks debugging is a waste of time.
Normally I encourage anyone who wants to learn programming do so, but let’s be honest it does take a modicum of intelligence and this guy has zero common sense at all. We’re talking about a guy who sent me a *screenshot* of an Excel file that I needed to copy some activation codes from. And then had absolutely no idea what was wrong when I replied “are you fucking with me right now?”
*sigh*
And that’s not even scratching the surface. I sent him a zip file containing some updated code and walked him through how to update them on Slack (really basic, copy/replace files stuff). Then the VERY next day when I sent him a second update he asks “is there something you want me to do with this?”
The instructions were literally the last thing we talked about in the chat log.
I actually fear the stuff this guy would unleash upon the world if someone were actually able to teach him how to write a whole program.
What should I do? Right now my plan is to be vaguely supportive but secretly hope he will realize he’s in over his head and drop out before any damage is done. But my worry is he may just be SO dumb that he actually thinks he can do it. At that point I guess I just have to put my faith in his school and pray that they aren’t just giving degrees away to whoever can afford them. Because fear the day this guy ever gets a degree in programming.9 -
Announced beta release date in 15 days to motivate myself to write code faster.
Major bug in a dependency I'm using and I'm now waiting for the author to fix it.
:/1 -
So a trainee made a website at the company where I also have my internship, he finished his internship earlier than I did. But the problem is I'm now fixing his site and it's literally falling apart! I fixed one problem and a dozen apear! His code is the definition of spaghetti code. It's so extremely bad I can't handle this, I don't want to do this anymore, just someone please drive a knife trough my chest. This is unbearable HE CREADED A HTML PAGE INSIDE ANOTHER ONE flipping heck how could you think that's how things work!1
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Picking up girls
Me: We will be like C and Assembler.
Girl: Why?!
Me: Cuz I will decompile into you... ;)
12 -
I just saw that Azure Devops asks you to run `curl -sL https://aka.ms/InstallAzureCLIDeb | sudo bash` to install their CLI.
Pipe something from the internet directly into a sudo shell? Are you nuts?8 -
what have I done to deserve this? 😫
the connection is so shitty I can't even rant about it properly... 😵
2 -
Executing git commands you found online as proposed solution to your problem without checking what they do. Not even once.
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!!rant life toptags bottags
My tags seem to be okay. Let's go.
I'm 14. I live in a place where nobody smart lives, and the school I go to has no coders.
Last year, all my friends moved. The only friend I had left now hates me, simply because they yelled at me everyday and I yelled at them once.
I am in the middle of my exams. I also have the flu, but thankfully it's not the e-flu, otherwise you guys should prepare for 24/7 headaches.
Due to the medications I am taking, I'm half-asleep all the time, and I probably am messing up all of my grades.
My entire extended family is in India, and I go there 2 times a year. I miss them so much right now :(.
At the same as doing exams, I am trying to keep my laptop (primary) and PC (secondary, desk) configuration and setup approximately synchronized. In order to do that, I am setting up my dotfiles repository.
Except that all my laptop config (which works) is written horribly, and I need to rewrite it all.
At the same time, I have 3 other projects going on: An OS written in D, a source-based package management system written in D, a small website (not online), and a whatever's cooking in my mind at this moment.
Right now, I'm supposed to be studying for my French exam.
Instead, I'm here, typing this out on my phone.
I have a classmate in school who can type QWERTY at 80WPM. I'm learning Dvorak (Programmer's!) and my current speed is 33WPM, after about 2 months of half-hearted practise during work time and at school.
Sometimes, I look at the world we have here, and what we're doing to it, and I wish that sometimes we could simply be content with life. Let's just live, for once.
I find ~60 random songs in one go, simply by finding a song I know on YouTube and going to the 'Mix - <song>' playlist. I download them all (youtube-dl), and I listen to them. Sometimes, I find this little part in a song (Mackelmore & Ryan Lewis - Can't Hold Us beginning instrumentals, or Safe and Sound chorus instrumentals) that make me feel so happy I feel like all's good in the world. Then the song moves on and with it, my happiness.
I look at Wayland, and X, and I think - Why can't we have one way of doing things - a fixed interface to express anything, so that one common API exists for everything of that type? And I realise it's because they feel that they're missing something from the others. Perhaps it's a bug nobody's solved or functionality that's missing, and they think that they can do better than that. And I think - Well, that's stupid. Submit a fucking bug report or pull request instead of reinventing the wheel. And then I realise that all the programming I've ever done in my life IS simply reinventing the wheel. And some might say, "Well, that guy designed it with spokes and wood. I designed it with rubber and steel," but that doesn't work, because no matter what how you make it, it's just a wheel. They both do the same thing. Both have advantages and disadvantages, because nothing's perfect. We're not perfect because we all have agendas and wants and likes and dislikes and hates and disgusts and all kinds of other crap, and our DNA's not perfect because it manages to corrupt copy operations (which is basically why we die of old age, I think).
And now I've lost my train of thought and this is too large to scroll over so I'm just going to move on to the next topic. At this point (.), I have 1633 letters left.
I hate the fact that the world's become so used to QWERTY because of stuff that happened 100 years ago that Dvorak is enough of a security to stop most people from being able to physically use my laptop.
I don't understand why huge companies like Google want to know about me. What would you do with this information? Know how to take over my stuff when the corporation-opocalypse comes around? Why can't they leave me alone? Why do I have to flash a ROM onto my phone so that Google cannot track me? What do you want, Google?
I don't give a shit any more, so there's my megarant.
Before anybody else (aside from myself) tells me that this is too big, all these topics are related simply because my train of thought went this way. There's a connection between each of these things, but I just don't know what it is.
Goodnight, world. 666 is the number of characters I have left. So is 42, for that matter (thanks, Douglas Adams!). Goodbye.4 -
WHY THE FUCK DOES RUNKIT RETURN A SHORTENED STRING?!?!? I SPENT 3 FUCKING DAYS DEBUGGING BECAUSE 2 VALUES WERENT THE SAME.
AAAAA1 -
Okay soooo.... I have this laptop that I use a little less often but is bugging me about. So WINDOWS just decides to RAMP UP THE HARD DRIVE TO ALL HELL WHENEVER I NEED TO USE IT.
I have a few options:
- Replace the 1TB 5400RPM with a 120GB SSD and do Linux
- Replace the 1TB with the 120GB and do a fresh install of Windows
- Replace Windows with Linux, keeping the 1TB
- or reinstall Windows
Which do you suggest and why?4 -
Offshore team: YOU ARE BAD AT COMMUNICATION
Me: I did send an email about my updates.
Offshore team: NO HANGOUT NO COMMUNICATION, KNOW HANGOUT KNOW COMMUNICATION. -
Debugging AWS IAM credentials wondering why they don't work for 5 hours.
Note to self: Check the clock first next time. -
So my desktop just crapped itself big time... 😧
It has been having trouble booting for the past few weeks, going into a rave flashing all the monitors, but usually recovering after a couple of minutes.
Today a got even more rave and after 10 minutes and a forced reboot, all I get now is a cursor... 😢
Guess it's time to reinstall Windows, hopefully that will fix the missing icons and thumbnails too 😅
4 -
Oh... my... gosh. I don't think I've ever been more infuriated by people that talk about how much money their company is going to make. They talk about what they're going to buy, what they're going to do. How everyone they don't like is going to feel sorry for ever crossing them. And then they do absolute jack shit in terms of actually working towards their fantasy company that is going to make them billions. Know why? They're LAZY. It's nice to dream, but be realistic. Fuck. Listen, 90% or more of people are just average. If you don't work towards making yourself great, of course you're not going anywhere. Most people will never be rich. It's just how it is.
Bonus annoyance points for trying to make me do all the work for the company that will make them billions. -_- -
That moment when you spend your whole night building something to look like a website skeleton in CSS bootstrap so that your colleague who supervises it tells you that it needs to be revamped...1
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Is there anyone who has ever used frappe/erpnext?
It drives me nuts, as much as I like the framework doing any thing that needs some basic scripting is a pain!
I MEAN, COME ON MAN, WHY ARE DOCS SO HARD TO COME BY? WHY DOES YOUR "CUSTOM SCRIPT" EDITOR LACK BAISIC LINE NUMBERS? WHY ARE YOUR ERROR MESSAGES TELLING ME EVERYTHING BUT THE LINE THE ERROR'S ON, SO I'LL BE HOPEFULL THE ERROR IS IN THE DEV CONSOLE? WHY NOT USE MONACO, SOMETHING, ANYTHING THAT WILL SHOW SYNTAX ERRORS? I'VE WAISTED HOURS ON LITTLE AUTOMATION SCRIPTS!!!! WHY WHY WHY WHY???? -
Do you know what YotaPhone 2 is? Second screen is e-ink, made by a small Russian co, with meh specs.
Dammit why do you push anOTA update that COMPLETELY fucks up the e-ink function?
Now the only reason I kept this... Thing... Fades fast. >.< -
So I had to write a program for university... It got graded.. I got 1.7 (1 being best).
Now you might say that's good. But I wrote a whole fucking final fantasy like game with engine and the program I helped with of a friend of mine is just a little roulette game without animation.. and he got a 1.3.
TIL: Don't give your best. Just give no fuck and push something out quickly.3 -
Who is doing this to me *sobs*, mongoose or MongoDB? 😥😥
I'm adding new records (array) to an embedded document, but the first record to be added gets duplicated, even with the same ID and stuff :(..
Was using Callbacks, switched to promises, still the same.
😥😥😥😥😥4 -
Oh god why... Why is it that every time I work with software defined radios, I keep on having to rely on not just incomplete, but at times misleading documentation 😩
Last time was GNU radio, with the doc telling me that I could define an input for a processing block using either a type or a (type, size) tupple, only for the actual code to scream at me in confusion upon my passing a tupple.
Now is that other SDR's SDK, which, as if being built upon eclipse wasn't bad enough, managed to make its serial communications confusing. Why can't you just let me set a callback to rx interrupts, you daft punks...1 -
Have been working all day long on a dataset.. Worked like charm in the end.. Went for dinner, now it's outputs have changed all together and I haven't touch the code, I think Skynet is here.
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Only half dev-related but AAAAARRRGGGGHH it sure as hell is a rant.
Doing a programming course, and I'm supposed to provide flowcharts of the code. I just spent over TWO FUCKING HOURS working on one in LibreOffice Writer, saving in between to make sure it didn't mess up. But of-FUCKING-course as soon as I do the final goddamn save for the chart, it just magically disappears. My hate for word editors burns with the intensity of all the fires of hell, and almost even rivals my hate for M$...2 -
My old school made a youtube channel called:
*SCHOOL NAME* Tech Tips.
With half of the teachers talking about computers. The Teachers are 60/70.3 -
As a graphic designer who works on side as front end developer and UI designer... Starting with asp.net is notjing just hell 😑 I miss my layout designs already...1
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This moment when you pressed your "Auto-Indent" Hotkey and the whole software doesn't run anymore. Later you realize that it's because of your Auto-Indent and even worse - you realize you have to code on top of the spaghetti code...
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I just spent around a fucking week questioning myself, my sanity, my code and a 3rd party api to find out I was submitting bad data to my correct code in a separate part of the product.
Fuck my life and my self inflicted stress and guilt over this. Hopefully edge cases are already covered, I fucking had working code or so i hope until the next bout of debug hell.
Also fuck you spring for not letting me see request body of an outgoing post request. -
Company just gave me a laptop running windows 10 that doesnt get to the login screen because of a bad AVG upgrade - of course its urgent hence they cant give it to the guy whos fucking job it is becuase he will take week.
Firstly just found out you cant access safe mode without a disk if you cant hit the login sceen - Windows your fucking kidding me right?
Now I've been watching a spinning fucking circle for an hour while it's "attempting repairs" without even saying what its trying, oh ya and of course formatting this peice of shit is out of the question.2 -
My laptop have been in warranty service for nearly a month, I have an FPGA project, a mobile app to make using ionic framework, to make a DSP compare two images and recently someone wants me to make a him a website.
And I actually have just very basic knowledge about these stuff, I've only made an desktop app once, and it just takes numbers gives back numbers.
I never wanted this, leave on my own, stop overrating my searching skills !
And all of that by the end of this semester. Fuck you people. -
I love staying late to patch PHP systems. It's even better when our ecommerce website written in Perl has an issue with cart checkouts and customers are complaining1
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Client: I need to organize this data in my database, just let me create any folder, and folders inside folders. I mean, it is a database so you can create folders right?
Me: I'll see what I can do
Inner me: NO, F U, that's not easy, that's not how databases work, WTH is wrong with you4 -
Google: secure api keys in cordova
Results says I cant or I can but my brain dont understand the method
I'm banging my head against the wall aaaaaarghh3 -
*Sees an article with the headline 'The simple approach to building a real-time collaborative text editor'"
Before I can finish the thought that "I don't need this shit" a design idea pops up in my mind and I stop myself and say "Fuck", meaning another project for my imaginary projects list. Yay... I need help. I look at certain things and get ideas. Seriously becoming a problem. -
Which Idea was it to combine C, C++ and Java in one big fucking Project. And who thought that it was a Good Idea to use Eclipse C++ for developing with Java. If the whole Project would have been in Java I could have used the auto Import feature from Eclipse, but if Eclipse doesn't Know that the Java Files are Java Files it doesn't fucking work. So I just had to spent a whole fucking Day compiling the Projects with Maven so that I can write around 100 Lines of Import...
And the best Thing is, a few Weeks ago the Imports existed so a fucking asshole just erased them when he tried to optimize these...
Sometimes I hate this company -
Mongoose: Callbacks VS Promises? Opinions and reasons please.
I'm trying to update array of data which involves couple queries.. Best practices?9 -
i think you all know about YouTube and its super power "Recommended for You"... like when some stupid friend sends you a my little pony video and you just can't get rid of it... Well just a few minutes ago this friend of mine sent me some weird japanese video s**t with battleships and flying girls shooting at each other enjoying it...
Please send a prayer or two for me I'm going to need it2 -
Contributing to big repositories on git be like,
and here goes my push,
Wait, I need to rebase
Ok, done, now push
Oh fuck, I need to rebase again.
The cycle goes on 😓
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