Tried mx 17 linux today. Was completely blown away by how fucking good the system is. I am really tempted to nuke my windows installation in one of my computers and just run this baby from it. Nothing is really holding me back from it. I already have two other macs and another ubuntu laptop. Can think of a reason why i would need windows at this time but i am still hesitant.

Plus...i am taking on a big rails project.....might be good to have this thing set up for it as are the other two macs. Mmmmmhmm decissions decissions.

What do y'all think? Yes or nah?

Been 122 days since my last post, since then I have been working on a game engine on Vala using SDL2 in my free time (Lol I have none)

Decided to put that on ice or just work on it when drunk (very common occurrence) and teaching myself C while working on a game or game engine, hopefully will have some quality rants inbound!

I have this friend of mine, he was a former course mate and we can call him J.
J called a week ago saying he wanted to come stay with me for a few days and I said no problem buddy come home I'm always around.

When he came around he sounded quite different than the J I used to know. The first thing he said when I opened the door for him was "Do you know God?" and I was like "Hunh... Is that the latest javascript framework?". With my reply I was expecting laughter as a response but seems like buddy is serious.

J: Are you ashamed of him?
Me: What's up man? Jesus ain't coming anytime soon *still joking*.
J: Yes, he is. And we...
Me: Okay. Cut the crap man.

That night was quite long as we argued religious stuff front, back and center. I asked him why he became so religious but his response wasn't really clear. What I could sense from the discussion was "he's in it for the money" because while we were arguing he mentioned that God spoke to him that he would own a Mercedes Benz this year, so for that he created a WhatsApp group luring people to join to receive gospel messages and in turn ask them to sow seeds and make offerings all in the name of God. I was both pissed and perplexed by such an act of selfishness. Why don't you just get a real job, I asked J, and he said the jobs he could find doesn't match his taste :/

The religious argument continued to day 3 and I wasn't feeling it because it has affected my work as I couldn't even concentrate on most task that was supposed to be completed that week. I called him the next day and told him he shouldn't come to my place if he won't boycott the religious arguments we normally have at night because those are my working hours and the arguments wasn't helping matters. I ended the call when I got no response.

Throughout the rest of that day I felt guilt for what I had said to him, maybe there would have been a better way of putting out my reasons to him or atleast allow him arrive home before telling him what I just told him. I felt really bad that night, so the next day I tried to reach so he could come around when he's available but his line wasn't going through.

Few hours later I got a call from another friend we can call E.
--- E: Hey, have you seen J lately.
Me: Yes, he has been with me for few days now.
--- E: Is he there now.
-- Me: No he's not.
--- E: I need to let you know what's up. J isn't feeling okay. He has been with me for quite a while but recently this year he started acting strange. I think he has some mental issues.
-- Me: Mental what?
--- E: Yes. One time he pulled of his shirt running towards the street. I asked him where he was going and he said "they're calling me... they're calling me".
-- Me: That must be serious, I never paid attention I just noticed he was acting too religious.
--- E: Yes man. It took some time before I myself realised what was going on.
--- Me: So what do we do?
--- E: I've spoken to his brother and we also informed the police he was missing, I never knew he was with you.
--- Me: I'll try reaching out if I find him I'll get in touch.
--- E: Okay.

Hanging up the phone, I have never felt so broken in my entire life. All through those time I was arguing with someone in need of help.
How could I not have known. I'm stupid... I'm stupid... I'm stupid! I kept stumping my palm on my head. Shame unto me.
There were moments in our arguments with signs of clear red flags, some things he said wasn't just right but I ignored just to win the arguments. At one point he claimed he was God, at another point he said he doesn't need to work to become rich that money will visit him, he said some really bizarre things if I was observant enough I would have noticed but fuck me I didn't.

Next day, I got a call that he has been found and has been taken to a psychiatric hospital. He was suffering from bipolar disorder. When I got there, he no longer recognises me. This was the same person we both argued few nights ago.
This short experience was devastating for me. I cried like a baby right there in room filled with his family and some other friends.

No one knew why I was crying, it was just me and my guilty conscience. This would have been prevented atleast a little if I had acted differently. I can't hug him now... It's of no use. I can't tell him how great a friend he is and and how much he deserves the world now because it would be useless.

I pray day and night that he gets well soon and I could tell him how sorry I am for not realising he had a condition unknown to me.
I get to visit him twice a week and hope he gets back to the J I've always known, my buddy for life 💑

For anyone reading this:
Sometimes the people around you might look okay from the outside but I promise you there is a lot going in on the inside. Show love to whoever call you their friend and also don't take arguments personally (I failed this test), some people uses arguments to validate theirselves and some might not be as sane as you think.
#ListenMoreSayLess

We're fucked.

I was having a debate on Reddit. A topic I brought up here already. Genetics and the mommies in my local baby group.

I was downvoted to hell for my conclusion those mommies cheated. Don't get me wrong, my conclusion was, they most likely cheated. I use high school genetics as heuristics, saying that its outcomes aligns with the question often enough to be a good decision maker.

A strategy manifested. Some people wrote long scientific correct arguments, just to block me the moment they sent it. For me it looks just like they deleted themselves and their account. I can still read it when logged out.

I just created a new account to reply to them. Went without a hitch, except that when I checked back in incognito, my replies weren't there. I assume they don't allow accounts that are too new. Reading from incognito, it was like they had the last word and I couldn't answer. The problem, they actually admitted to my points and built a straw men to the other points and I cannot point that out anymore.

I also thought, I should find a few people to hang out online with. So I started to play an MMO. After all, I am a daddy now, not so much time to find people. Only have nights. Besides the discords always being empty, all guilds I joined had the same thing in their rule set: "Do not discuss religion or politics."

Let me explain you something about democracy. It lives on debates. If you think you do not want to speak about your political opinions, then you're anti-democratic. Why are we allowed to vote? So, that everyone with a political opinion will find a decider. If we do not discuss, we are just at the mercy of advertisement. Most of us do not look deeply into topics, but some do. We trust them, because we know them. We have those smart people around it. Democracy is based upon "My neighbor has said and I trust him." That's how it works.

Forbidding political discourse, hiding downvoted opinions and using tricks, so the other party cannot reply in time or only with troubles is the death of democracy. That's how it ended. Because we're too butt hurt to even talk to each other, have the conversations. And I am sick of it.

And no, you cannot say, this is just a friendly group about knitting. The price of democracy is that all groups are political forums. And jobs. Everything. We do expect you to be adult enough to work with someone who has a different opinion from you. Who might even dislike you. Otherwise, the outcome is that all spaces where you would meet people that have different opinions are non-political and all political spaces are echo chambers in which you meet those people who are at best the staunchest warriors of a side instead of the normal person.

I bet two people of two different ideologies, who aren't deeply ingrained in it, have more in common than a person deeply ingrained and one that is not from the same ideology. But you wouldn't know that in today's echo chambers.