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Search - "random estimations"
So i've been a dev manager for a little while now. Thought i'd take some time to disambiguate some job titles to let everyone know what they might be in for when joining / moving around a big org.
Title: Senior Software Engineer
- Typically has years experience building what management are trying to build
- Building new features
- Writing code
- Code review
- Offering advice to product manag......OH NO YOU DON'T CODE MONKEY, BACK TO WORK!
Title: Dev Manager
- Former/current programmer
- knows his/her way around a codebase.
- Recruiting / interviewing new staff
- Keeping the team focused and delivering tasks
- Architecture decisions
- Lying about complexity of architecture decisions to ensure team gets the actual time they need
- Lying about feature estimations to ensure team gets to work on critical technical improvements that were cancelled / de-prioritised
- Explaining to hire-ups why we can't "Just do it quicker"
- Explaining to senior engineers why the product manager declined their meeting request
Title: Product / Product Manager
- Nothing relevant to the industry or product line what so ever
- Found the correct building on the day of the interview
- Has once opened an Excel spreadsheet and successfully saved it to a desktop
- Making every key decision about every feature available in the app
- Learning to ignore that inner voice we like to call "Common sense"
- Making sure to not accidentally take some advice from technical staff
- Raising the blood pressure of everyone below them / working with them
Title: Program Lead / Product Owner
- Capable of speech
- Aware of what a computer is (optional)
- Sitting down
- Clicking random buttons on Jira
- Making bullet point lists
Title: Director of Software Engineering
- Allegedly attended college/university to study computer science
- Similar to a technical product manager (technical optional)
- Reports directly to VP
- Fixes problems by creating a different problem somewhere else as a distraction
- Claiming to understand and green light technical decisions, while having already agreed with product that it will never happen10
A company that I can only describe as North Korea. The team if full of fresh graduates who started their career there, worships the manager, and have never seen the outside world. Every company has politics and minor annoyances but this one stands out as absolutely ridiculous.
Here, frequent emotional abuse and humiliation is common and is right. New hires are taught that the only way to be a good leader is to verbally abuse their subordinates to the point of crying. The cream of the crop in this company would be considered complete morons in other companies. The skill of typing in the right keywords to the search engine and copy/pasting code makes them MVPs.
In this company, even system admins don't know how to "grep". Developers just click buttons in an IBM suite, write some Python script to compute something, and call themselves developers. They are so proud of themselves and believe they can take over the world because they are highly competent.
Professional hires are not valued and considered threats because they question and stand up to the supreme leader. Team leads, managers, and senior managers obsess about an employee's Twitter activity and gossip about what time they came in the office and left.
So much time is spent on estimations that wouldn't matter anyway because they will be adjusted to fit the actual hours to make the company look good. Everything is pointless and loud power trips are encouraged. The measure of competency is not based on technical prowess and effective communication, it's about how loud and verbally abusive you can be.
Tribe members suck each other's souls and bully who they consider as outsiders to feel better about themselves. Very few professional hires and even fresh graduates reach the six month mark before submitting their immediate resignation letters or just disappearing completely.
The smartest ones leave while the dumb ones stay. What option do they have? This is the only place where they can feel smart. This leads to a high concentration of naive juniors with huge egos running around like the next Torvalds. Overtime is admired when more often than not, it's unnecessary and shows inefficiency rather than hardwork.
Here, cunt whore leads and managers can arrange a meeting to have an audience for their useless power trips. A random ass bitch can turn a 15 minute scrum into two hours and suggest all 50+ developers to write MOMs without getting laughed out, otherwise the scent of her vagina meat will explode to everyone's faces.
Here, juniors are entitled and complain about their salaries despite having no technical skills. Intellectuals are passive aggresively picked on with the assumption that they think they're too smart.
Whoever questions the supreme leader and their current delusions are demonized. This includes a very intelligent and reasonable manager who quit because he was not provided anyone to manager because the supreme leader refuses to share power. The only to survive is to caress the supreme leader's ego while doing damage from the inside.
Everyone else have an epic slave mentality. No one says no to the client and everyone comes to work whenever they are told to. When you instruct them not to accomodate any more requests, they look at you like you lost your sanity. The only way to reform anything or anyone is to get the supreme leader on your side.
All that manipulation games were fun while they lasted. But team members crying to you and hugging you on their last days because you were the only one who stood up to them takes a toll on your mental health.30
In an IT management class, the professor wanted us to estimate the operation costs for a small IT company, breaking them down by service offered. I remember creating a markdown file, multiple times executing the line `echo $RANDOM >> estimations.md`. We rounded the numbers slightly, pimped the document a bit and submitted a nice PDF. When we had to present our work, the professor asked us how we had proceeded to calculate those results. We told him a story about an Excel file we worked on, but did not submit, because we thought he'd be interested in the end result and not care about those details. He asked us to submit that Excel calculation, because he wanted to comprehend our method. So we got together, created an Excel sheet, copied our "estimations" into column C and called it "service cost". For column B, we used the same "cost per man hour" value (scientifically estimated using the RAND() function) for every row. Finally, we divided the "service cost" by the "cost per man hour" for every row, put the result in column A and called it "effort (in man hours)". The professor, being able to "reproduce" our estimation, accepted our solution.2