No, I do not wish to work on your Scrum-managed project.

I do not wish to contribute to the Taylorism of my profession.

I do not wish to be an interchangeable cog in your software sausage machine.

I do not wish to be tracked by some pointless metrics like a call-centre worker.

I do not wish to bust my tight, cute ass to sprint after some idiotic management request that could have been factored in earlier.

I do not wish to obtain some piss-ant qualification that "authorises" me to do my job.

I do not wish to be party to your lie that technical debt will be avoided by refactoring---whatever the cost.

I do not wish to contribute to the death of software engineering to have it replaced by software development.

Agile? Sure. I can pick up the phone and talk to the client, users and fellow devs. After all, that's what it FUCKING MEANS. Communi-fucking-cation.

See that burndown chart? See your anus? Know what's happening next?

Fuck Scrum and every fucking bottom-feeder that is scamming a living by promoting it. You're killing this business.

Hugs and kisses,

Platypus

I can't make progress on my private project.
I just started and already refactoring my code.
Yesterday I started to refactor my tests -.-'

I'm sure I will lose the interest in this project because I start a new one I can refactor to death.

Daylight Savings Time.

Europe switches to DST this month and specs are broken because of Ruby's DateTime which isn't DST-aware so it generates invalid dates and can't do date math properly. Losing a couple days to refactoring horrendous code that uses *nested* Timecop.freeze, mixtures of Time, Date, and DateTime, math and parsing revolving around the end of the month.

Death to DateTime and death to DST.