!rant

Sometimes, when I want to get asleep fast, I just watch any SAP tutorial on YouTube and ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ…

my sleep issues are getting out of hand. i have insomnia and sleep apnea, and materials for my APAP are expensive and nothing that won't fuck up my brain over time (i.e. any sleep aid that isn't melatonin, pretty much all of them make you lose brain matter density over time, and melatonin does jack shit) is strong enough to knock me out. at this point i'm getting one 5AM-4PM sleep cycle a week. i can't exactly fix it as i'm expected to be awake and present during the day, so i'm stuck sucking down caffeine all week during the day to try and be awake for 8 hours. i'm not even employed, so it's sitting and doing fuck all during that time.

goddammit why do i have to go through this shit

Haven't been able to sleep well for a while. Generally I've either had to take some sort of sleeping aid (usually benadryl, cause melatonin doesn't do anything to me), or stay awake for about 20+ hours. It's been like that for about 2 years now. Due to that, I've built up a resistance to benadryl.

Last night I took benadryl around 11, figuring I'd fall asleep around 12:30-1. I managed to fall asleep around midnight, and woke up at 1. I tried going back to sleep for hours, but nothing. Now 6 hours later, I don't know. Might end up just staying awake until tonight and passing the fuck out.

I wish I could fucking sleep.